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Rudy loved Alejandro, and that was an understatement.
He adored Alejandro and every part of him inside out—head to toe—that sometimes he felt like he had to find a way to turn off his heart somehow. It was overworking, tired in the sweetest way, yet he knew it would be so empty without his love for Alejandro.
The only person that had ever been able to make Rudy feel like his heart actually worked was Alejandro after all. In fact, all he knew was how to be a soldier until he realized the rapid beating in his chest couldn’t be for guns or military trucks.
Rudy definitely loved Alejandro, but it was too intense that he couldn’t just word it.
Saying ‘I love you’ was one thing—something he still had a bit of problems with—and telling him ‘the world would stop without you’ was a whole another thing. Both were sentences that Rudy couldn’t utter, that was for sure, but not because he didn’t actually love Alejandro.
It was mostly his distant nature, indeed, but also the fact that nothing felt right—enough. Rudy couldn’t quite find the exact words to tell Alejandro how madly he was in love with him, and he still yearned for more even though they were together.
Years of knowing each other and being there for every moment; years of being in love and their marriage—it definitely wasn’t sensible to others that Rudy still struggled with affection. Alejandro was complete opposite of him on this matter, too vocal and too proud of their love.
Rudy was proud as well, but he couldn’t just be as sweet.
It was just the fact that Alejandro was everything, and Rudy wasn’t sure how to put it so perfectly that he could express his heart fully. Even so, he knew there was no such to words to describe his love for Alejandro, and it annoyed him.
Alejandro’s big smile that still managed to make him feel like his guts were being torn apart, a single melody of his laugh worth a million stars. His deep voice that was oh so tender whenever he called his name, as if it was something to hold sacred. Alejandro’s hair that was always styled, and his curls that would break free by the evening.
His headstrong and fierce persona, yet still the sweetest person Rudy had ever known.
His sleeping habits, his preferences, and his little quirks—everything about Alejandro was so beautiful, mesmerizing that Rudy could feel his tongue getting tied at the sight of his husband. Rudy wished he could just grab him by the cheeks and hold him still, look him in the eyes, and tell him, ‘I can only breathe when I’m with you.’
That could seem like an exaggeration, but Rudy was well aware that it was obvious truth. Because he had been there before, on the verge of breaking down as he watched Alejandro on a hospital bed. Thirteen times throughout the years; six of them a cruel obscurity as he wasn’t sure when he would wake up.
Rudy was left to think and pray, sitting right beside the hospital bed as his trembling hands clung onto Alejandro’s hopelessly. His eyes would be fixed on his stomach, counting his slow breaths as tears refused to fall, just there to blur his vision.
Only when Alejandro opened his eyes was Rudy able to take a deep breath, inhaling as if his life, soul, were gifted back to him with the sight of Alejandro’s warm, chocolate brown eyes.
Despite all this, Rudy still had a hard time being as open as he wished, but Alejandro had never minded it. He was doing the love-showering part for both of them anyway—happily moonstruck. Not a single day went by without Alejandro telling him ‘I love you’ at least six times.
In his own ways, Rudy was returning it.
What he cherished the most was being there for Alejandro when he needed it. Rudy would play with his hair as he put him to sleep in his embrace, keeping him there as long as he wanted. He would talk to him about anything and everything just because Alejandro asked to hear his voice, and even though he couldn’t just tell him about his love, it seemed enough.
When the clock showed seven in the morning, Rudy would wake up and get out of the bed without waking up his husband. Because Alejandro’s favorite meal of the day was breakfast, and preparing a delicious table for him was Rudy’s way of speaking of his love.
By the time Alejandro woke up, everything would be ready other than the coffee waiting to be made.
If Alejandro didn’t wake up on his own, Rudy enjoyed those mornings even more because then it would be his little duty. He took that pretty seriously as well, aiming for perfection. It always took his husband a bit longer to fully open his eyes, and Rudy was content to know that Alejandro was peaceful enough to get a deep sleep.
If anything, his heart ached even more as he tried to wake him up.
Rudy would gently brush a hand through his curls, playing with hair just as Alejandro loved it, and call out to him. The very first answer was always a mindless hum, and the rest would be silence. Rudy would then leave a kiss on his temple, soft and long enough to finally make Alejandro open his eyes.
Watching him blink several times as he tried his best, nose scrunching with discomfort, and the big stretch that always followed instantly—Rudy knew Alejandro’s routine too well. There would be a three-second pause as Alejandro stopped to stare at the ceiling blankly, and he would then turn to greet him with a sleepy smile.
‘’Morning,’’ Rudy would whisper, smiling back.
Alejandro would pull him close by the waist, adorning his face and exposed skin with eager kisses, calling it revenge for being woken up.
It was a little secret that Rudy enjoyed being attacked by his lips, even though his endless laugh always gave him away. Sometimes, there were tickles so merciless that he would have to escape out of their bed, only for it to turn into a tag, you’re it game.
Sometimes, Rudy wouldn’t be able to let him go at all until he would be seeing stars with pleasure in his arms—a complete, shivering mess.
He liked this win-win situation, and soon he would take Alejandro’s hand to drag him to the table. He would hope nothing would be cold by the time they were done playing around. Then, Rudy would offer him a cup of coffee before getting one for himself.
‘’I love our mornings,’’ he would be dying to say, but leaving a firm kiss on his cheek had to work as well.
Their mornings were nothing special, yet it was beyond special that Rudy would wonder for a second if there was a way to stop the clock. It was childish indeed, but he just enjoyed every second of it a little too much. He liked watching Alejandro stuff his mouth full, as if it was a five-course meal in front of him, and he never forgot to throw a bunch of compliments with every bite.
‘’You should really eat too, amor,’’ Alejandro would scold him with a sweet tone, despite knowing Rudy didn’t like eating so early. He always tried anyway. ‘’You need energy.’’
Most of the time, Rudy would reassure him that he would be okay, yet give in and take a bite of whatever he was offering. It wouldn’t feel as good if he forced himself to eat a bit, but the way Alejandro fed him was always different.
Until his stomach asked for a break, Rudy would eat just to make his husband happy.
When it was time for them to leave for work, locking their house up for the time being, Rudy had never been able to shake off the not-so-subtle sadness. He was good at pretending, for sure, but he still hated it with his all.
It was those times that his anger towards himself hurt the most, because being at the base never helped.
Rudy had never let their relationship come before their job, and being a professional was easy for him. Even if his fingers tingled with the lingering feeling of Alejandro’s skin, he wouldn’t dare use the official working hours differently.
Not because no one knew or that they weren’t used to them, but perhaps it was an easy excuse to cover up for his lacking sides. It didn’t stop Rudy from despising himself anyway.
Alejandro, though, was different in that regard as well.
"I love you," he would say before stepping out of the jeep. He would lean closer to leave a kiss on his neck, not caring if anyone saw it. "You should come see me at least four times today."
Alejandro would then leave; unaware of the state he put Rudy in.
He always had to take a few seconds not to yell behind him—scream his lungs out until it ached—and tell him, ‘’I love you even more it is scary,’ but he would just move the car to park at an available spot. Rudy knew he wasn’t supposed to be like this, because they had been married for years.
Nevertheless, he would find a way to see Alejandro under the name of duty.
If Rudy had to get him to sign up papers, he would make another cup of coffee before visiting his office. He would sometimes add a little pack of those brownies Alejandro loved so much. It was too sugary for Rudy, but his husband would devour them In one go. Thus, he always made sure to fill the little box in the kitchen and hide it.
It was worth it, of course.
It was more than worth it to see Alejandro beam brightly, reaching out for Rudy’s hand first, and he would then accept his offers with a childlike excitement. Rudy would wait patiently for Alejandro to be done with papers, and if he chose to sit on his knee in the meantime, it couldn’t be a problem.
Rudy would get his job done after all.
His job didn’t cover the kisses he left on Alejandro’s face, but papers were always done. He would then make one last promise. ‘’I will bake you this once we are back to our home.’’
Even though it was a regular occurrence, Alejandro would always smile with surprise. ‘’Promise?’’
‘’Promise.’’
Rudy didn't think he was the best at baking, but Alejandro sure did. Thus, he would spend his time praying for minutes to pass faster, so he could finally drive them back to their own safe world after another messed-up week.
Rudy loved the days where they got to have some time off in their own house—it was undoubtedly his favorite.
It meant they would finally be able to relax, turn a movie on, or pull an all-nighter to have fun with the board games they had. Sometimes, they would just keep each other warm as they napped half of the day. Sometimes, they were awake until the daybreak with bodies entwined.
Rudy wasn't sure which one was his favorite—probably all of it and Alejandro.
However, today wasn't one of those days where they were enjoying their break together, and Rudy was a bit grumpy that they had to attend this event.
To be fair, it was his own cousin's engagement party, and his mother practically demanded that they be present. When Rudy questioned this irritating obligation, the answer made zero sense, and he wanted to just hang up and turn off his phone.
Pretty dangerous.
"Because she is your cousin," his mother said, more than enough of reason for her. "you will be there."
Rudy wasn't even close with her, not when he barely had time to see his own family members, but Alejandro was happy to attend it. Thus, Rudy was willing to come, but this was not what he had imagined for their break.
In this boring so-called party, the only fun Rudy had was watching his husband.
He had a few questions as to why Alejandro looked so good—not that Rudy hadn’t noticed it before leaving the house, but he was looking even more interesting now. Was it the fact that he hadn’t seen Alejandro in a suit for a long while? Was it basically him being head over heels for him?
Rudy wasn’t sure, but he knew he was wrapped around Alejandro’s finger thoroughly.
He had been watching him from their table for a good while now. Alejandro had left to speak with someone’s something that Rudy had long forgotten, truly a people’s person. It was a nice view—hell of a view—that Rudy debated if it would be better to stop.
Alejandro was only wearing his white shirt because he hated being strained by layers of clothes for too long. His two buttons were open, sleeves rolled up enough to expose his tattoo on his left arm, and his most expensive watch wrapped around his wrist neatly; maybe Rudy was supposed to stop watching.
Isn’t that shirt too tight for him? Rudy frowned at his thoughts, playing a guessing game with himself. Had his arms gotten bigger? What the hell…
Rudy didn’t understand why Alejandro’s arms were poking his eyes even from a distance. Not that he hated his arms---far, far away from that—but he liked it better if it was for his eyes alone. Rudy wasn’t jealous; he just wanted to snatch his husband away.
His eyes shifted to Alejandro’s left hand that was holding a glass of drink, looking for their golden wedding ring to remind himself that they belonged to each other.
Rudy huffed as he gazed at Alejandro’s ring, his attention now on his husband’s hand. Thick fingers, rough palms that years left calloused, yet ever so delicate once they were on his body. Thinking of the way they left him marked for days didn’t help at all.
Now, Rudy felt even grumpier because how could this be better than their private time?
They still had at least two hours before they could leave, but Rudy was running out of patience. He was sure his mother would appear in a few minutes to drag him toward relatives to have meaningless small talk.
Rudy wasn’t going to have that.
He already disliked every second of this, because rings were already in their rightful places, and Rudy didn’t understand why they couldn’t just celebrate and leave. Sighing into his own drink, he changed his mind on taking another sip. It tasted shitter than ever anyway. He wasn’t interesting in any of that, but Alejandro could change his evening a bit.
I need to sit here, Rudy tried to reason with himself as he grabbed the side of the table, and if it wasn’t for the rough chair that stung his butt, he would be convinced.
She didn’t even attend my engagement party, Rudy encountered his own thoughts and that was a clear a win. He stood up from his seat, and he couldn’t help but a make a face when he felt the ache in his butt clearer.
Just for this discomfort, he deserved some love.
Rudy headed toward the left side, taking the longer road not to see his mother. It didn’t take Alejandro more than a few seconds to realize him, as if he had just felt his presence getting away. Once their eyes met, Alejandro frowned slightly—a quiet question.
Rudy gestured the house with a tilt of his head as an answer, and being noticed made him walk faster.
Some relatives smiled at him, some kids chanted his name excitingly, and one of his aunts almost managed to make him sit on another shitty chair, but Rudy was quick to excuse himself for the bathroom. He just hoped Alejandro wouldn’t get caught by anyone as he headed upstairs.
He wasn't worried Alejandro wouldn't be able to find him; he always did.
Rudy was just a bit too overwhelmed by everything and bored out of his mind. He quickly made his way to the bathroom at the end of the hallway and turned on the lights with a loud slap. As he was about to shut the door behind him, he suddenly stumbled backward with the opposite force.
Alejandro stepped in right after him, his worry now more visible. "Amor?"
Rudy stepped back to let him in, eyes wide with surprise. "That was fast."
"I was behind you. Are you okay?" Alejandro asked, and reached out to grab his hand. His cologne was too intense, somehow not making things any easier. "Something wrong?"
Rudy sighed with relief, and his body moved on its own to seek refuge in his husband’s embrace. Alejandro didn’t waste time as he wrapped his other arm around him and left a kiss on his forehead.
Suddenly, Rudy was too aware of their differences as well; the way Alejandro’s hand was bigger than his own, how he was at the perfect height to earn forehead kisses, and his damn biceps. Nice, he thought as he melted into his arms more, this is nice.
‘’Rodolfo?’’
‘’I hate it here.’’
Alejandro hummed, rocking them side to side slowly. ‘’Why? What happened?’’
"I'm so fucking bored," Rudy complained, his fingers clinging to his shirt.. ‘’My ass hurts from that chair. The food was so bad, no way had tía made it. Why did you wear this shirt? I didn’t like the taste of whiskey either. Can we please go home?’’
There was silence, a little too long, that Rudy had to pull away to check on his husband. Alejandro blinked at him, looking like he was trying to digest all of it and figure out which one to answer to first. He offered him a smile at last, and his free hand slid down to his butt to give him a soothing rub.
"Well, that was a list," Alejandro commented with a slight chuckle, and pressed his lips on his temple. "Can you hold on a little longer, amor?’’
Rudy couldn't stop himself from arching into his touch, his hold tightening on his upper arm. His fingers were far away from touching each other, and he loved feeling the way Alejandro's bicep flexed right under his hand.
"I don’t know! Why do we have to be here anyway?" Rudy whispered, his tone unfriendly. "She didn't even attend our wedding, let alone our engagement party and we are not close—seriously, why did you wear this shirt?"
Alejandro seemed more confused than anything, head tilting to the side as he gazed at his husband. "She wasn't even in the country when we got married, and what do you want from my shirt?"
"Well, it automatically means we didn't have to attend hers," Rudy explained as he squeezed his bicep. He really had to drag his husband home. "It’s just...a little tight? No, it's too in my face."
"What?"
"Is this shirt small for you?" Rudy asked, looking up at his husband that was pretty much dumbfounded now.
Alejandro blinked at him again, lips opening to say something, but he hesitated. He raised an eyebrow. "No?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes?" Alejandro answered, not sounding sure at all. His hand was still mindlessly rubbing his butt to offer comfort as their other hands stayed linked. "Everything else was in the laundry. Does it look bad?"
"Bad?" Rudy asked in disbelief, almost offended he even heard such a word. "It's not bad, it is just—"
It looks so good that I want to hold you hostage in our bed, he wanted to say, and he wanted to say it out loud. I need to keep you in my arms forever and even that wouldn’t be enough.
"It's what?" Alejandro urged, a slight worry in his voice because he was silly enough to think he could ever look bad.
Somehow heart-stopping.
"You look nice,’’ Rudy let his forehead hit Alejandro’s chest, angry at this event and at himself once more. He was upset, bored and his husband looked like the redemption he was looking for. ‘’Too nice.’’
"Oh," Alejandro whispered. "Thank you, well—are you really okay? Do you feel sick or something?"
"No, I just need—" your ridiculously huge body on me and your lips on my own. "I need a minute.’’
Alejandro let out an understanding sound and pulled Rudy even closer as their hug tightened. It was nice, way too nice, and Rudy need more.
‘’Should we just go home?’’ Alejandro offered, speaking gently as if anything louder would harm him. ‘’I can tell your mom you don’t feel alright.’’
‘’I feel alright now,’’ Rudy mumbled as he lifted his head, reaching out to place his hand on his cheek. His thumb caressed through his beard. ‘’But we should just go home.’’
Alejandro nodded, turning his head to leave a peck on his palm. ‘’If that’s what you need, amor.’’
‘’We should go home and make love.’’ Rudy blurted out, suddenly jolted by his own words. He blinked at his husband as they froze.
Make love—what kind of a word choice was that? Rudy couldn’t help but cringe at himself, yet he held his stoic expression as he watched Alejandro’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. He was taken aback, and there was no need for it.
Alejandro raised a brow, and Rudy copied him instinctively. Was it that bad he was feeling a little needy for his husband? If anything, it would be Alejandro’s fault for looking like a sin.
Rudy squeezed his arm once more, needing an immediate answer, and it worked.
‘’Make—make—‘’Alejandro stuttered, probably because it was too sudden and irrelevant. His eyes darted around with hesitation. ‘’Make love?’’
Rudy nodded. ‘’Make love.’’
It was too late to take it back, and there was absolutely no reason to take it back. The party was shit; one day of their break was gone to waste, and Rudy just didn’t have any energy left to socialize. All he needed was his husband and some time to refill his battery.
‘’Make love,’’ Alejandro tried to confirm, eyes squinting with confusion. Their eye contact—or whatever desperate expression he had—must have been enough that his face lit up with realization. ‘’Okay, I get it.’’
Rudy stopped biting his inner cheek, content that his husband understood him once more without needing words. Even so, he still pulled him down for a short kiss, a sweet preview because he was going to show Alejandro the love he deserved.
Rudy pulled back, giving him a dazed look. ‘’Take me home.’’
‘’Okay,’’ Alejandro accepted, now with a knowing smile on his handsome face, and he raised their linked hands to his lips to leave a last kiss on top of Rudy’s hand. ‘’Let’s go home and make love, amor.’’