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Molasses

Summary:

Bilbo decides to have the Big Conversation with Thorin.

Notes:

kind of a disclaimer?? because sensitive topics

when i decided to write this series, i knew i would have to write something like this at some point. i think it was in part WHY i did this series, i mean the main reason is because more fem!bagginshield, but also more trans representation. as a nonbinary person, there isnt much in the way of that in the fandom. coming out can be difficult, even if you know the people will accept you, especially if they've already accepted someone else when they came out as trans. you still feel nervous about what they'll think.

i hope you all enjoy!!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Bilbo twisted her shirt in her hands, staring apprehensively at the welcoming blue door. She toed at the welcome mat then breathed in deeply. Her knock felt heavy on the door. No one answered immediately and she felt her stomach twist. The minutes until the door did open felt a lifetime. Then she stared, in minor confusion, at someone who looked astoundingly like Thorin.

“Oh!” The woman smiled at her. “You must be Bilbo! You are as cute as Thorin said.”

“I brought cake,” blurted Bilbo, feeling her face heat up.

This had to Thorin’s sister, Dis. She had a softer face than Thorin, her eyes open and warm. They were not the gorgeous blue of the firefighter’s. Instead, they were a soft brown. She did not have any grey hairs, at least not yet, though Bilbo knew the two were only a couple of years apart. Dis’s smile widened as she took in the sight of the covered cake dish.

“Wonderful. Thorin said you’re an amazing baker,” she said, ushering Bilbo inside, “and I hadn’t even thought about dessert!”

Before she knew it, they were in the kitchen. The house was well-sized, not as large as Bag End, but it felt cozy. A perfect family home, she thought as she caught sight of a picture of Dis, the girls, and who must be Dis’s spouse.

Her eyes lingered and Dis noticed, a fond smile overtaking her face.

“Sorry that the girls couldn’t be here tonight. They wanted to but they’re both at the firehouse for the night.”

“Oh, it’s fine.” Bilbo smiled as she set the dish down on the counter. There was no sign of Thorin or Dis’s partner. “I’m sure we can have dinner together in the future.”

“I hope so!” Dis beamed.

Bilbo had no time to move before the woman’s arms were encircling her. She froze up, mind racing on what to do. Unused to physical contact, the smaller woman ended up awkwardly patting Dis’s back until she let go.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t even ask. I am just really excited. Thorin has never met anyone before that she liked, I mean, you know, that liked her back.”

She smiled weakly, turning her head away from Dis. The thought of Thorin had her stomach fluttering and her nerves lighting up. It had been two months since her first date with the firefighter. She hadn’t had the Conversation with her yet. And it had to happen tonight.

Bilbo didn’t want to put it off any longer. She’d hoped to tell Thorin before meeting her family.

“Where is Thorin?”

“She’s holed up in her room,” Dis sighed as she stepped into the kitchen, “I think she’s pretty nervous about tonight. It’s too late now though, I adore you already! Oh, and Vili will be down in a moment…”

Dinner at least smelled delicious. According to Dis, Thorin had received none of their father’s cooking genes. Apparently, their mother had also been a firefighter.

“And we have a brother, well, I have a twin brother which means Thorin has a younger brother.”

“Thorin didn’t tell me that.”

“I was saving it for another day,” came Thorin’s voice as she came down the hall. She had a dark blue shirt on and a pair of jeans, though she looked rather irritated.

Behind her came another person, their hair cut short though it was much lighter than either of the siblings. They were dressed in a button down shirt and a pair of capris, bare feet showing off toes painted purple.

“Ah, introductions!” Dis cut in, winking at her sister before wrapping an arm around the other person. “This is my lovely Other Half, Vili. Gorgeous, aren’t they?”

Vili rolled their eyes but did not push Dis off their shoulders. They held a hand out to Bilbo, a soft smile crossing their face.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Bilbo. Thorin won’t shut up about you, but maybe now she will.”

Thorin snorted as she peeked into the kitchen. Her eyes were drawn to the cake dish and she looked back at Bilbo.

“You didn’t have to-”

“I won’t hear it,” Bilbo said quickly, offering a smile to Vili as she cut Thorin off, “and Dis said she appreciated it. You can’t complain. Besides, you like my cooking.”

“Yeah, Thorin,” Dis winked as she moved them to the dining room.

During dinner, which was a nice and slow affair, Bilbo learned more about Thorin, as well as plenty of information about Dis and Vili. Vili had been a stay-at-home parent.

“So much easier,” they had said with a wink, but something lingered in their face that Bilbo connected to. They were quick to brush it off. “And the girls needed someone to keep an eye on them until they were old enough to wreak havoc somewhere else.”

“And I will always appreciate it,” Dis had said, an intimate smile on her lips.

Unlike Thorin, Dis had strayed from what they called the family business. She’d been a teacher but had retired shortly after Kili had graduated from high school. Her reason had been that she had had her fill of children for a while. Though Vili had pointed out that Dis now worked in a daycare, but the other woman brushed it off with something about babies.

“What do you do now?” Bilbo asked as she served the cake. Vili smiled in thanks.

“I’m a mechanic, actually. You know, Thorin used to have a bike…”

“Oh, don’t start that,” snapped Thorin, glaring half-heartedly at them.

“No, I think I want to hear more about this bike.” Bilbo winked, grinning when a lovely shade of red lit up her girlfriend’s cheeks.

By the time they finished the cake, she felt too flustered to concentrate on anything other than Thorin’s thigh bumping against hers. Bilbo knew full well Thorin wasn’t the sort of person for flirting like that but it had happened too many times.

Though, the other woman was not a good liar and she looked innocent. Maybe she had learned a trick or two in concealing her expressions. Bilbo seriously doubted that. Thorin had been very firm in doing everything to make sure she and Bilbo were on the same page. Which meant the woman never overstepped her boundaries.

At times, it could be irritating, as Bilbo had very little reason to initiate anything between them. Tonight was different, even if her thoughts were not of a romantic or sexual nature.

She just needed them to be alone.

“Hey,” Bilbo half-whispered, catching Thorin’s attention, “can we go somewhere else? Alone?”

She added the last part quickly, hoping to escape without Dis noticing.

Thorin raised her eyebrows but nodded quietly. Whether they managed sneaking away without the other two noticing, Bilbo didn’t know but they did make it into Thorin’s rooms without being called back. She had a feeling Dis and Vili noticed, but hadn’t cared.

Unsurprisingly, at least to Bilbo, Thorin’s room was very simple. The colors were soft, the bed made neatly and there was no mess in the room. She spotted a picture of Thorin and her nieces on the nightstand, along with a small pile of books.

Bilbo couldn’t make out any of the titles but she smiled to herself. She could easily imagine Thorin lying in bed, the lamp on as she read one of the books. 

The sound of Thorin sitting on the bed distracted her from imagining said woman in bed. Thorin held out her hand, smiling at Bilbo. With a sigh, Bilbo took her hand and sat down next to her.

“Thorin, there’s-”

She didn’t finish her sentence as it was rather difficult to do with the other woman’s mouth on hers. They hadn’t spent too much time alone together, at least not in moments that were more intimate than cuddling and holding hands. True, they had kissed since their first date. In fact, they had shared a few kisses since then.

Thorin never moved too fast. Since the almost kiss at the end of their first date, she always looked for approval before doing anything. Bilbo had okayed kissing as long as they were alone. PDA made her slightly uncomfortable but she didn’t mind kissing the other woman.

And, she had reminded her girlfriend, Bilbo could push her away at any point.

It surprised her but Bilbo kissed Thorin back after a second. Despite needing to talk to her, Bilbo found kissing her very tempting. Extremely tempting, she thought, as Thorin’s hand slipped to her waist. She might have let Thorin push her down and deepen the kissing.

Unfortunately, the presence of her hand also reminded Bilbo of why she’d wanted them to be alone in the first place.

It was not so they could make out. Although she hoped they might do more of that after.

Building up the strength to pull away, she pushed gently at Thorin’s shoulder. The other woman pulled away immediately. Concern painted her face and Bilbo felt a swell in her chest. She was just perfect, and if only she could…

Bilbo breathed in, willing a smile to her face. She knew it probably looked strained. Thorin wasn’t an idiot.

“Thorin.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no,” Bilbo took her hands, squeezing them reassuringly, “there is something we need to talk about. We can’t go any further in our relationship, not before we talk about this.”

“What is it?” Thorin squeezed her hands back. The worry on her face did help Bilbo a little.

It was silly. She knew she could trust Thorin. One of the woman’s closest friends was genderfluid and her sister’s spouse was nonbinary. Bilbo breathed in.

“I know you will probably tell me I was silly for worrying at all, but forgive me, this is.. it’s a really big decision for me,” she started and then paused, letting Thorin nod before she continued, “and for me, it doesn’t change anything between us. I need to know that it’s the same for you too, though. Alright?”

“Of course,” Thorin replied softly. She searched Bilbo’s face but kept her mouth closed and a reassuring smile.

“Thorin, I. I’m a transwoman.”

Bilbo felt the words leave her tongue like molasses. They didn’t want to leave the safe haven of her mouth. There, they were safe from judgement. She was safe from any harm. But they were out now and she closed her eyes as she said them.

“Oh,” said Thorin, her voice quiet. Bilbo squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She couldn’t tell the emotion in the other woman’s voice.

They sat quiet for a moment, her heart thumping as she waited for Thorin to do something else. Her hands hadn’t left hers, they hadn’t stopped holding tightly. After a few more seconds, she felt Thorin squeeze her hands again. That forced Bilbo’s eyes open.

Thorin smiled at her.

“Okay,” her girlfriend replied, “that doesn’t change much at all. I like you, Bilbo. I like you for you. I’m really happy you told me.”

Bilbo felt her heart flutter and she threw her arms around Thorin’s neck, burying his face in her neck. One of Thorin’s arms came to wind around her waist and hugged her tighter.

“I know that it was silly to worry,” she told Thorin’s neck, “with Bofur and Vili, but…”

“Hey,” Thorin said softly, her hand rubbing Bilbo’s back. “It’s natural to be afraid. You don’t have to apologize for being anxious about it.”

When she pulled away, Bilbo wiped the tears from her eyes. The relief of Thorin’s acceptance had been perhaps a little much for her. She’d dealt with so much rejection and negative reception, that this had been far too wonderful.

Her heart thumped in a beautiful way as Thorin gazed at her.

“Well, how do you want to take everything now? Slowly?” Thorin brushed a stray hair out of Bilbo’s face with her free hand.

“Slow would be good,” she admitted, leaning into the other woman’s hand, “though I wouldn’t mind a couple of passionate kisses right now.”

“I think I can deliver on that.”

Thorin grinned and when she pressed Bilbo down into the pillows, the smaller woman found herself giggling into her girlfriend’s mouth.

Notes:

i still feel like i could have made the coming out part longer but i think that its good. personally, i didnt want my s.o. to make a big deal out of it, just having them accept it and move on is really, really nice. bilbo and thorin will certainly have more conversations, more lengthy conversations about it but for now theyre content

thank you for reading! kudos are appreciated and comments are loved~

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