Chapter Text
“Gen… you have aphonia.” Senku states. It’s a fact. It’s one of the first things he says to Gen after he lands back on Earth from his space voyage.
Gen nods and then signs in Japanese Sign Language, ‘Ten billion points to you, Senku-chan.’
Senku frowns and his arms are crossed across his chest as he looks at Gen. “How did that happen?”
As expected, Senku knows Japanese Sign Language. Gen doesn’t hesitate as he signs ‘I woke up like this.’ It’s not the whole truth.
“Aphonia is generally the result of a neurological or psychological condition.” Senku recites easily, “What happened whilst I was away?” Xeno never reported anything that was drastic, and with Gen expecting a child, a strict report was sent to him daily.
The sight of Senku’s dead body floats to the forefront of Gen’s mind and he forces himself to hold himself together and not collapse. Senku is alive in front of him now. Everything is alright. It will be alright.
Before Gen can answer, Xeno steps forward and answers, “It could be that Mr Asagiri is in shock, I believe he lost his ability to speak at the sight of your body back from space.”
Senku turns to look at Xeno and questions his mentor, “My body?”
Xeno nods, his fingers and metal claws coming together with a sharp clang, “We thought you had died at the time.”
Gen swallows thickly and hopes that no one notices. His nerves along his arms tingle unhappily. No one needs to know that a mysterious force had given Gen a choice, to trade his voice in for Senku’s second chance at life.
Senku frowns and glances at Gen.
Gen nods. A universal body language.
Senku wears a complicated expression, obviously trying to figure out what went wrong. He can’t remember. Senku nods at Xeno, “Fill me in after.” He turns his attention back to Gen and reaches out to cup Gen’s cheek. The side where his petrification scar once marred porcelain skin. “How are you feeling?”
Gen leans into Senku’s touch, he breathes in deeply, relief calms his nerves at the sight of Senku alive and functional. He nods before he signs, ‘I feel the same, Senku-chan, don’t worry.’ Gen pretends he can’t see Xeno trying to read his hands, before realising that it’s not American Sign Language and turning away.
When after a few days, Gen’s voice still doesn’t return, Senku starts to become antsy. He stays up at night, writing out road map after road map, trying to figure out how to give Gen his voice back. He even asks Why-Man to read Gen’s vitals, confirming that there isn’t anything physically wrong with Gen. Apart from the fact that he’s expecting. Though… that isn’t exactly wrong.
Late one night, Gen taps on Senku’s shoulder - and Senku jumps from his chair in fright.
Gen blinks owlishly.
“Gees! Gen!” Senku’s face is relieved when he realised what had disturbed him is just Gen. “You’re so quiet.” He mumbles.
Gen doesn’t respond to that, instead he signs, ‘If the cause of my voicelessness is psychological, then there I am probably my best choice at regaining my voice.’
Senku shakes his head at Gen, “No, you and I both know that you can not be your own psychologist.”
Gen tilts his head. That is true.
“Go rest, Gen, you need it.” Senku looks from Gen’s face to where their baby is growing.
Shifting awkwardly, Gen nods tightly. He places the blanket he was holding around Senku’s shoulder. ‘You too, Senku-chan.’
‘What’s this?’ Gen signs as he looks at the item in Senku’s outstretched hand.
“A collar.” Senku speaks quietly, as though he himself is embarrassed.
‘I can see that, Senku-chan.’ Gen frowns but takes the collar to inspect it. There’s a bell attached to it. Maybe Senku wants to adopt a cat? Gen starts to worry, he had a colleague back in the modern world who owned a pet cat, but had to be extra careful with the cat’s litter when she was pregnant, something about a parasite in cat faeces and how it can be not so good for the mum and baby.
“It’s for you.” Senku sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “Your footsteps are so quiet.”
Instinctively, Gen’s toes dig into the dirt underneath him.
“You’re going to give me a heart attack one day if you keep creeping up on me.” Senku continues to talk.
Gen pouts. He was not creeping up on Senku.
Senku grabs the collar from Gen and helps Gen affix the collar with a bell attached to Gen’s smooth neck.
Gen flicks the bell, it rings. ‘I’m not a cat, Senku-chan’ .
Senku scoffs, “I’d have to give you a name tag if you were.”
Gen’s lips break out into a small smile.
“If lost, please return to Ishigami Senku.” Senku laughs seeing Gen respond well to his joke.
Gen rolls his eyes but his wide smile breaks his facade.
There’s something about the way Senku takes time out of his day to massage Gen’s swollen feet that makes Gen swoon. As Gen’s pregnancy continues, the extremities of his limbs also swells up.
Luna reassures Senku and Gen that this is a normal part of pregnancy.
“The oedema seems worse compared to before…” Senku glances at Gen and swallows the rest of his sentence.
But everyone in the room knows what Senku is referring to. Before Senku left to the moon. Before Gen lost his voice.
Gen wants to reach over to touch his own feet with his hands, but he stops himself midway when he remembers that with his pregnancy, he isn’t as flexible as he use to be, that he needs to remember there is a bump that’ll limit his movements.
Senku places a reassuring hand on Gen and gives the other a confident smile, “I’ll help you massage them later, for now, I need you to limit the amount of standing you are doing.”
Luna nods in the background, agreeing with Senku’s words.
Gen nods to indicate that he’s heard and understands Senku.
“What about Gen’s aphonia?” Senku turns to look at Luna, waiting for her assessment.
Luna shakes her head, “Nothing has changed since I last checked.”
Gen knows the answer, yet hearing it from a medical point of view still squeezes his heart some. He traded in his voice for a wish, just like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Gen wiggles his toes, he didn’t trade them in for feet… Gen looks at Senku, and he knows that if he were faced with the same option again, he would choose the same path. Because Senku is here now, alive, breathing, and continuing his roadmap to save humanity.
Senku carefully spreads coconut oil he had made from the coconuts of Treasure Isle onto Gen’s left foot. He starts by massaging Gen’s big toe, squeezing as gently as he can, continuing to glance at Gen to try to read the other’s expression and read his body language since Gen is still voiceless.
Gen takes in this time with Senku as much as he can. The scent of the coconut oil, the warmth of Senku’s hands, the concentration in Senku’s expression… Gen isn’t stupid like he often portrays. He knows that this small amount of time with Senku is only temporary.
It says a lot about Gen’s character when he lets himself bask in this joy, when he lets himself pretend that this is real. He lets himself hope in this moment that perhaps there is still a position for him to stand in in Senku’s future.
“You really need to rest more, Gen.” Senku massages each toe individually.
‘I can’t lie in bed all day or just sit with my legs raised all day’ Gen signs with a small frown on his face
Senku huffs, “Don’t make me strap you down, Gen.”
Gen almost chokes at Senku’s response. Instead, he quickly calms himself and signs, ‘I will try, Senku-chan.’
Kinro is tasked with watching Gen for a small while.
“Rule are rules.” Kinro is firm and prevents Gen from doing anything that is considered strenuous, including standing for long periods of time. What is considered ‘long’ is subjective. But without his voice, Gen finds him at the short end of the stick when it comes to trying to explain and negotiate.
In the end, Gen uses a long stick - shorter than Kinro’s spear - and writes hiragana into the dirt floor to try and communicate with Kinro.
It works - Kinro understands him. It also doesn’t work - Rules are rules and Kinro doesn’t budge.
All Gen wants to do is go to one of Senku’s labs and see what he’s doing. But even the slightest movement jingles the bell around Gen’s neck, and Kinro instantly looks at Gen to observe, and if necessary, according to Kinro, to interfere.
“Senku says you have to stay well rested.” Kinro responds, voice strict and expression not budging.
Gen mentally sighs. He feels like a prisoner. Just as Gen was considering to falsely try to harm himself to get Kinro to do as he says, Yuzuriha drops by. She greets Kinro and Gen with a sweet smile.
“Senku asked me to make some shoes for you, Gen-kun.” Yuzuriha hands Gen a pair of shoes that look just like the ones that Senku wears. “They shouldn’t be too tight.”
Gen takes the shoes and mouths a thank you . He goes to bow to indicate his gratitude, but Kinro stops him.
“You can’t do that, it’s bad for you.”
Gen frowns at Kinro. It’s not like he’s going to do a deep bow. It really should not hurt the baby.
Yuzuriha understands and offers Gen a smile, “You’re welcome, Gen-kun.” She then excuses herself.
Gen is left with Kinro. Needless to say, Gen signs his complaints to Senku late that night when Senku finally returns from work and tiredly asks Gen, “How’s the oedema in your feet?”
The swelling in Gen’s feet feels about the same as the day before, and Gen signs this to Senku. He wants to be able to walk a little more. He doesn’t want to be confined in a small room like this.
“Are the shoes alright?” Senku asks.
Gen nods. ‘Yuzuriha-chan is the best . ’
Senku gives a soft smile and nods. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t wear shoes earlier. Do you enjoy being barefoot that much?”
Gen gives Senku a wry smile.
“Medusa.” Senku holds the petrification device in his hands and shows Gen. “It cured Mirai, it could cure your aphonia.”
Gen wonders. He willingly gave his voice away, it’s not an illness. He traded it with an external force. Though Medusa is also from a foreign source.
‘Senku-chan…’ Gen bites his bottom lip.
“We’ve revived pregnant women, I’ve talked to Why-Man about this, it’s safe for the baby too.” Senku’s voice is filled with confidence.
‘Medusa won’t deduce the baby as a parasite and remove the baby?’ Gen signs, hoping to lighten the mood for himself.
It does draw a light chuckle from Senku. He reaches out to grab Gen’s hand and hold it tightly. “Let’s give it a go.” He passes Medusa into Gen’s other hand.
Gen grips onto the Medusa tightly. He nods and Senku lets him go as he takes many steps back. The distance between them is now a few metres. Gen notes that Senku is already holding onto a vial of revival fluid. He looks Senku in the eye and nods.
“One metre, one second.” Senku doesn’t break eye contact. He’s confident. Medusa has rules. It’s science. Aphonia does too.
One second after Senku speaks, Gen is fully petrified. Senku walks towards Gen and pours the vial of revival fluid over Gen. The cracks appear and Gen easily breaks out of the petrification.
“Mentalist?” Senku speaks softly and quietly.
Gen blinks and opens his mouth to call out Senku’s name, but nothing comes out. His expression drops. It’s as he expected, but it obviously isn’t what Senku hypothesised.
Senku’s disheartened and disappointed expression will forever be ingrained in Gen’s memory. Logically, he knows that Senku only looks that way because his hypothesis isn’t met. But Gen’s heart tells him that Senku is disappointed in Gen himself, and Gen can’t help but agree with his heart. He has disappointed Senku.
A frustrated sigh escapes Senku.
The baby Gen is carrying gives him a kick, and Gen’s hands go to hold his baby bump and he looks away from Senku to look at his bump. After giving his bump a few rubs, Gen looks back at Senku, Gen’s bell rings, and signs, ‘I’m sorry, Senku-chan.’ If even Medusa can not cure Gen’s aphonia, then with the technology they have now, nothing else will even come close.
Senku closes his eyes and shakes his head.
That night Gen dreams of Senku’s disappointed expression. He dreams of all the expressions he saw that day when the people around them realised that Medusa did not fix Gen’s aphonia. He saw all the pitiful looks they all gave him and Senku. He can’t fall back asleep and spends the rest of the night touching his throat, his fingers press in, and glide over. A million thoughts of what ifs fill his head.
‘Can’t I come sit and watch you at the lab?’ Gen signs with the single bulb in the room as their only source of light late into the night.
“Some of the fumes could be toxic and not good for you or the baby.” Senku’s expression drops.
Perhaps it’s because they’ve spent so many years together, Gen has been by Senku’s side for days and days on end, he finds Senku incredibly easy to read.
‘Did something happen at the lab today?’ Gen asks, probability wise, this is the most likely reason for something to sour Senku’s mood.
Senku is silent for a moment before he answers quietly. “Yes, I suppose you could say that.” He doesn’t elaborate more.
Gen hears his own heart thumping. He swallows thickly. Blinking rapidly, Gen reaches to cover his face with his sleeves, not wanting Senku to see his expression. It’s unusual for Senku to not explain. Even when Senku knows Gen may not understand, he still explains his roadmaps, his plans, his visions for the future to Gen. Gen instinctively runs his fingers over his throat, he digs in a little. Things have shifted. And like continents, they’re drifting apart. And Gen knows that in his current state, voiceless, there is nothing he can do to bridge the growing distance between himself and Senku.
That night, Gen does not sleep. He silently wipes at his eyes, telling himself that he isn’t crying. Choices have to be made.
‘Maybe you could put finding a solution for my aphonia on hold’ Gen suggests to Senku. ‘The roadmap to reviving humanity should not be halted for one person’
Senku’s shoulders visibly slump, his eyebags are dark, but his eyes are sharp as he looks into Gen’s own eyes.
Gen smiles gently, hiding his own expression. Calling Senku intelligent is an understatement. Gen is very aware that Senku is brilliant at reading people as well. Even though Gen is voiceless, he is a master at hiding his own feelings and thoughts. Not even Xeno’s lie detector could defeat him.
But Senku has a way. Not always. Sometimes. Infrequently.
Senku signs, ‘Are you talking about you or the baby?’
The baby. Not our baby, not your baby, not my baby. They are no longer travelling along the same path. Gen does not let his expression slip even though his heart feels like it’s going through a food processor and slipping so far into oblivion he knows he will never be able to retrieve it again. He signs a reply to Senku, ‘Both, Senku-chan.’
Senku swallows thickly. Gen hates seeing discomfort on Senku. He dislikes it as much as seeing disappointment in Senku. He catalogues that expression in a compartment in his brain.
‘It’s not like you to beat around the bush. ’ Gen pushes Senku more. ‘I know Ishigami-Papa believes and trusts in you, he left you so much, and it’s not fair that such a heavy burden is on your shoulders. I also know my aphonia can not be cured.’
“It’s science…” Senku says quietly.
‘Is it?’ Gen questions, his expression only slightly curious.
Senku’s eyes flash dangerously as he stares at Gen as his brain runs over what he had just learnt from Gen.
As the days trickle by, the cracks continue. Gen watches and tries to compartmentalise it. He wants to pretend that it doesn’t strain him, that it doesn’t make him think of what his future will look like. The mornings in which Gen wakes up with Senku beside him lessen. The nights in which Gen goes to sleep with Senku beside him diminish. Gen has taken it upon himself to try and massage his own feet to help with the swelling. It doesn’t go very well as he can no longer reach his feet.
The pair of shoes Yuzuriha made for him sit in the corner of the room collecting dust.
Everyone but himself is busy with something, whether it’s working on experiments in the lab or plowing the field, they were all things that were contributing to Senku’s roadmap to saving humanity. If it was not obvious before, it is most definitely obvious now, Gen is no longer part of the Five Generals whose goal is to help rebuild humanity. Gen holds no grudges against ill thoughts towards the member who filled in for the spot he left empty. Tsukasa is a great strategist.
In fact, just about anyone who can communicate is preferable.
Even if all of the Five Generals learn sign language or learn Morse Code, there is no effective means for Gen to communicate efficiently.
What is a Mentalist without his tongue?
Senku stops relying on Gen. And it all starts cascading from there. Suika stops visiting to talk about her day. Kohaku stops asking him to do things. Kaseki stops asking him to help out. Ukyo, Ryusui and Chrome no longer invite him to discuss Senku’s roadmaps.
He was alone in the modern world. It makes no difference to be alone now. No, that isn’t accurate, he is carrying a child, he isn’t alone. He’s going to be responsible for this child’s growth and development, he won’t have time to wallow in his own toxic thoughts.
Gen’s bare toes dig into the ground below him. His heart weighs heavily. The heart that acts differently to the logic in his head. The child he’s carrying moves and Gen tries to focus on the baby instead. He must focus. On positive things. For the good of his child.
It’s not like Gen is not use to being on the sidelines by now. All these years after Tsukasa broke him out of stone, Gen has blended in with the shadows, accepted his role in this Stone World , he no longer seeks the limelight. He doesn’t need to have his portraits taken. There’s no schedules for it, no magazines for his face to be printed on, no television show to show off his card tricks.
Gen runs his hands along the cards Senku had gifted him, in no way was it an important step to help revive humanity. But it was a gift for Gen the Mentalist. An identity Gen has willingly shed. He misses those days. But not enough to want it back considering the consequences.
In no way does Gen believe in a higher deity in this world. And neither does he hold Senku as one. But in a strangely ironic way, the world will not be the same without Senku’s guiding hand. And in that sense, Gen knows that there will be people who will idolise and see Senku as their saviour and the one to create this new world that they will deptrify into.
When Gen closes his eyes, he can see how beautiful the world will be at the end of Senku’s roadmap. A world where his child will live in. Perhaps his child would like to learn card tricks. Perhaps his child will also come to enjoy the taste of cola. Perhaps his child would prefer a guardian who isn’t… disabled. Gen knows that being voiceless does not make him any less of a person. It does make many things very complicated, and there are occupations he is no longer the most suitable in engaging in.
The high pitched ring of the bell hanging from his neck is only a cruel reminder of how voiceless he is. Gen can’t remember the last time he felt so useless.
Gen dreams of the observatory in Ishigami village.
When Senku fails to show up for Gen’s routine health examinations, Gen knows that the end is coming. He puts on a comfortable mask as Luna examines him. Gen had signed in standard American sign language, hoping that maybe Luna would understand. But she doesn’t, she gives Gen an apologetic smile. Instead they communicate with paper if they must. It was much easier when Gen could sign to Senku and Senku would translate.
The first time Luna witnessed Gen sign, she was impressed and commented on how talented Gen is. Unfortunately, the only person who understood ASL at that time on Earth was Xeno, and shortly after Senku’s revival, Senku. And Gen admits that his practice with ASL is much more limited compared to JSL.
Gen had heard that whilst he was under Xeno’s guard during his infiltration mission many, many moons ago. Luna had confessed her love to Senku. They’ve never discussed it. But sometimes as Luna’s finger presses with more pressure than expected, Gen wonders if Luna is conscious of her own behaviour. He’s the Mentalist here, he should be able to dissect the other easily. He does. He just doesn’t want to doubt his doctor. Gen knows that she’s trying her best to make his pregnancy smooth sailing. He knows all of this, yet…
He can’t even voice his concerns. And even if he can, he no longer has anyone he can voice them to.
Luna makes no comment about Gen’s lack of footwear. His feet had swollen up a lot more, the shoes that Yuzuriha had made him no longer fit.
Gen leaves Luna’s medical hut and takes a look at the construction of another spaceship. He hadn’t been told officially, but from the structure and progress, Gen knows that another space trip is planned for the near future.
Gen dreams of the numbers Senku had carved into a tree trunk the first time he was freed from his petrification.
Days turn into weeks and Gen tries to not count the number of days since he last saw Senku. He can no longer smell Senku’s distinct scent in their…his room, but Gen remembers it well. Gen lets the memory of Senku’s voice, touch and scent distract him from his mundane days. He reminds himself to stay positive, he needs to be resilient. He tries to focus on the villagers who still smile and wave at him. Silently. But still a greeting. Gen tries to focus on consuming enough salt so that he doesn’t have to sit up from his make shift bed feeling dizzy from what he presumes is low blood pressure. It was advice Luna had given him at his last checkup and Gen has been diligent in trying to look after himself.
The swelling in Gen’s feet beg for deft fingers to massage them.
A few weeks later, Gen starts preparing things he will need to give birth in this Stone World that is being rebuilt. He gathers the materials he will need. Gen even tries to communicate with Ishigami Village’s midwife with hand gestures that he is expecting very soon. It is awkward, but she seems to understand. Gen pretends to not see the pity in her eyes. It’s an open secret that Gen will not be giving birth with Senku by his side.
There are priorities.
And the state in which Gen is in, he is most definitely not an asset to the Kingdom of Science, if a word is needed to describe him, it would be burden . He can’t even pull his own weight.
As Gen leaves the midwife and walks back to where he sleeps with his arm filled with essentials for child birth in a non-modern world, Gen takes in the scenery around him. The village which Asagiri Gen the Mentalist called home for years. It brings a sense of comfort and loss. This is not a place where Asagiri Gen the Aphonic belongs.
Gen dreams of going to hell.
“I was going to tell you after your pregnancy.” Senku glances at Gen’s very obvious pregnancy bump before he raises his eyes and looks Gen in the eyes. “But I’m venturing to space today. You’re a mentalist. You’re never wavered by what anyone has to say, especially not the truth.”
Gen’s lips part at those words. Gen signs a reply, but Senku isn’t looking at Gen’s hands.
“You are right.” Senku’s words are deliberate and clear.
If Gen could, he would breathe. But his breath is stuck, his lungs don’t want to listen to him, his whole body feels like it’s shutting down. And it makes no sense. Gen is prepared for this answer from Senku. Even if they were not drifting apart in the first place, Gen would have still pushed Senku into making decisions. Choices. Priorities.
“So long as you remain voiceless, I have nothing for you here to do, there is nothing for you here. Return to the village and rest with the elderly and the children.” Senku’s expression is stoic. He doesn’t wait for Gen to respond as he swiftly turns around, away from Gen.
Senku’s words pierce through the carefully crafted shield Gen had convinced himself of over the last many months. Fear consumes Gen. Gen stumbles as he runs after Senku, he holds onto Senku’s sleeve tightly and brings his face to look at Senku. With a desperateness Senku has never seen in Gen, Gen’s mouth opens and forms shapes. “I’m so sorry Senku-chan, I’m so sorry I wasted your time. I’m so sor-”
Senku isn’t a lip reader, he gently pushes Gen’s hand off his sleeve and walks away.
Gen’s hands grip onto his throat so tightly that his nails dig in and draws blood. The collar Senku had put on him rings, its sound harsh and only adds to Gen’s distress. His hands tingle in deep pain and they fall from his throat and clutches the centre of his chest in agony as he watches as Senku walks away. Breathing is difficult. He opens his mouth and he wants to scream out Senku’s name, but no sound comes past his lips. Instead, hot fat tears easily overflow his eyes and flow down his face. His legs turn numb instantly and Gen does indeed collapse on himself until he could no longer, like a black hole.
His world is spinning faster than a neutron star.
This decision from Senku is what Gen was waiting for. It’s so much better than to sit on the fence, surrounded by uncertainty. So the pain rips through him, clenching his heart so tight, leaving him breathless and gasping for air voicelessly, it’s something Gen should’ve predicted. He educates his brain that it’s all psychological. And with time, it shall pass.
He thought that when he finally heard it from Senku, he wouldn't be hurt. He had prepared himself, he foresaw this future, yet his body had still reacted.
There is no room for romantic love in the magical world of science. And Gen knew this from the first time Senku held his hand and pulled him in for a kiss. Stay with me, Gen. Gen knew this when he had spread his legs and welcomed Senku into his embrace. I love you Gen. Gen knew this when he told Senku he was pregnant. We can do this together, Gen. Gen knew. Yet the pain isn’t any less. He can only blame himself for holding on for so long. It had only hurt himself, rebounding like a stretched elastic, snapping only himself.
Senku hadn’t lied to him. Gen was never Senku’s priority.
It’s clear that there is no room beside Senku for a burden to be, much less stand.
Progress is priority. The future of humanity. The future of science. Gen knows he has made the right choice.
Even voiceless, Gen knows that he is a mentalist. He’s a liar. He can’t even tell Senku the truth. How could he have thought that there is still a place in Senku’s life for him. How arrogant can one be? Gen cradles his face, his tears soaking into his sleeves that will no longer flow gracefully with his calculated steps.
The bell attached to his neck rings in rhythm with his silent sobs. A cruel reminder of what a voiceless Asagiri Gen is worth. How little he is worth. The ache in the centre of his chest amplifies.
This time, it’s not Senku who counts the seconds, it’s Gen. He starts counting the time from when he last laid eyes on Senku.
‘I’m still in love with you, Senku.’