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All throughout his life, it's felt as if nothing ever goes Ide's way, especially in his love life. He's never been in a relationship with someone, never gone on a date with another, and none of his crushes seemed to even spare him a glance.
But right now, Ide was making so many other mistakes that everything romantic had been pushed to the back of his mind. This week had been so terrible that he almost split the stacks of paper his boss had specifically assigned him to take care of all over the wet concrete outside his apartment.
Whenever something like this happened, Ide always found himself showing up at Matsuda's doorstep. Though the man wasn't as good with detective work as everyone else on the team, he knew how to make someone feel better. Matsuda was kind and a great listener, and Ide had slowly felt a small workplace crush on Matsuda creeping up into Ide's skull.
If Ide was going to be completely honest, he thought he definitely had a shot with Matsuda. They were around the same kind of league, right? Both of them were averagely attractive, and nothing really stood out about the either of them (maybe except Ide's barely visible eyebrows, but that didn't make a huge difference).
Ide's other "loves" in his life have always been passing by, no actual connection between them. During high school, he had a hallway crush on a girl who, by the end of their senior year, only had one interaction with him, which was her spilling her lunch directly on his head.
But with Matsuda, on the other hand, he felt as if he had something special going on with the other man. Matsuda didn't spend late nights comforting any of the other people on the task force, going out for drinks with each other, or fell asleep on any one of their shoulders like Matsuda did to Ide. They were special. They were different.
Until one day, Ide realized that Matsuda's services to him weren't special at all, and weren't just limited to him, but also given to his boss. Light Yagami. The youngest member on the team, yet obviously the most intelligent. Even L himself was the one to recommend him for the job. 5'10, and absolutely attractive to boot. The man who could honestly become the Prime Minister of Japan if he so wanted. The type of guy people would bend themselves backwards into just getting a word with him. The type of man Ide would admire from afar, knowing he could never match up to someone like him.
He had walked in on Matsuda leaning over Light's arm as he typed, soft chuckles coming from the both of them. Ide had came back to the building to ask Light for the sign off on a paper for a lead within the Kira case. In fact, when Ide saw them, he dropped his pen that he wanted Light to sign with on the ground, causing the two men in front of him to turn around and stare at Ide's shocked face.
Matsuda looked surprised, while Light's face was unreadable and nonchalant, as always. It's like you could never know what the guy was thinking. "Do you need something, Ide?" Light politely asked, both him and Matsuda getting up from their chairs to face Ide, inquisitive looks plastered over them.
"No.. nothing. I just wanted to ask you to sign something.. a-and I'll be on my way." Ide muttered, his voice barely heard because of how feeble it sounded. Matsuda bent over to pick up Ide's pen that he dropped, and Ide watched as Light's eyes seemed to trace every move Matsuda made.
Oh. Oh. So this wasn't a one-time occurrence. Ide felt his face warm up, putting his free hand on his forehead to try and stifle any sign of his fluster. If Ide wasn't going insane, he could swear that he saw a small smirk on Light's face through the cracks of his fingers. Quickly, Ide took his hand off and accepted the pen from Matsuda's soft palms, handing the pen and paper over to Light while looking down at the floor as he signed them.
"Here. Must you be on your way, Ide? Matsuda and I are just wrapping up some ends because of our last lead going cold, and having another person around would be ever so helpful." Light gave Ide the paper back, looking down at him like some sort of squashed bug, contrasting the kindness of his words.
Matsuda looked surprised at Light's invite to Ide. Like whatever him and Light were doing before was supposed to be some one on one time thing that he didn't want Ide caught in the middle of. Ide felt like he was going to throw up any second if he had to be a room with the two any longer. "No, I have to go. I haven't been sleeping too well and I think a good night's rest would benefit me greatly."
It was obviously a lie, but it seemed that Matsuda believed it. Though Ide couldn't count on Light to not see through him completely. "That's fine then, I can show you out." Light walked slightly behind Ide as they went towards the door, leaving Matsuda alone in the room.
As Ide called a cab in the pouring rain, he could feel the waterworks coming on. Why was he crying over a small crush? Why would he have ever thought Matsuda cared for him deeper than just a friend. But when he sat down and scooched towards the side of the cab, a friendly face appeared through the open door. Matsuda. "W-what are you doing here? I thought you were with Light.." Ide remarked, though solemnly.
"Light saw how sad you were, and he said it would probably be best if I go home with a friend you trust." Matsuda said with a smile, and Ide felt like all the clouds in the sky were going away, replaced with Matsuda's shining grin. He got in the cab and handed over some cash to the driver, sitting next to Ide with a tissue in his hand. "Here! You can never be too careful, so I always have a couple of tissues in my pocket."
Ide took the paper in his hand and began wiping his eyes, still trembling from the cold as he cleaned his face up. For the rest of the ride to Ide's house, they stayed silent, occasionally sharing kind glances between one another. Then, Ide got up the courage to ask Matsuda a question. He had to make sure that what he saw was actually what he saw, and not Ide being paranoid for the thousandth time that week. "So you and Light? A thing?"
Matsuda whipped his head around, and his cheeks got red with embarrassment. "What?? Me and Light? No! Not at all!" Matsuda scrambled, trying to not cower under the question. Ide continued to stare at the younger man, not believing a single word that came out of his mouth. Matsuda realized this, and had to admit it, as the pressure was too much for him. "..Was it obvious? I really thought it wasn't that clear.." he trailed off, and the car started to slow as the driver had reached their stop.
Ide was right. To add on to that, for some reason, he couldn't feel his hands anymore. Ide began to tremble frantically, and after 5 seconds, he passed out onto the car seat.
When Ide woke up, it wasn't in his bed, signifying that the previous night was a dream, but a hospital bed. Above him were 3 figures, and Ide could barely make them out. Aizawa, Matsuda.. and the last person Ide wanted to see, Light Yagami. His perfect, shining face hovering over him with the man he had a spent weeks thinking about on latched on his arm, peering over every move Ide would make. Out of everything Ide could've left the Task Force (again) for, this would probably be the reason why.
It's not like anything Ide ever wanted would ever go his way. This should be unsurprising. What brought him comfort will also bring him pain, as his mother used to tell him. You should be prepared for anything.