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Having a crush is hard.
Falling in love is the easy part. Sunghoon’s been in love with Jake for as long as he can remember. It’s sickeningly easy to imagine kissing Jake or holding his hand.
Sunghoon can’t go a day without thinking about him. In his mind, they’ve gotten married a thousand times. He’s in love and his body is a garden. Vines tie his soul to Jake’s and squeeze at his fragile heart.
Sunghoon can’t help but see Jake’s pretty smile in fallen cherry blossoms, his sparkly eyes in the night sky. His crush has to be obvious, but if Jake knows, he hasn’t said anything.
It’s a pleasant night. Warm settles under Sunghoon’s shirt and reaches his fingertips. The moon stares at him, a silent companion. Sunghoon carries his ice skates in his left hand and the weight of love on his shoulders.
His phone buzzes in his pocket. Jake’s pretty face lights up the screen and Sunghoon stops in his tracks.
Jaeyun ❤️🦮
hoon
are you done with practice??
Sunghoon!! 🐧
Just finished
Why?
Jaeyun ❤️🦮
Im still sick
come hang out with me :((
God—Sunghoon really shouldn’t. It would be much easier to avoid spending time alone with Jake because the whole thing would hurt less. He doesn’t know for sure that Jake would reject him, but the mere thought horrifies him.
Still, Jake is the sun and Sunghoon follows him.
Sunghoon!! 🐧
Of course :)
I’ll be there in a minute
Sunghoon makes a stop at the closest convenience store. Jake usually stays on the couch when he’s sick. He probably hasn’t eaten much today.
Sunghoon buys a few cans of soup and a bottle of cold medicine. The lights in the store have a green, sickly brightness to them. They make Sunghoon feel like he’s in a fish tank, glass container and all.
After leaving the store, Sunghoon walks a little faster, until gravel crunches under his shoes and his calves cramp. He sees Jake’s apartment at the end of the street. Sunghoon instinctively looks at the fourth floor. The lights look warm, and Sunghoon pictures Jake’s table lamps creating a halo around his head.
Sunghoon knows Jake’s apartment too well. Jake gave him a key a few years ago, but Sunghoon would feel creepy for using it, so he keeps it in his right pocket.
The hallways are eerily empty. Sunghoon knocks on the door twice. He hears a muffled come in! but he texts Jake anyway.
Sunghoon!! 🐧
I’m here
Jaeyun ❤️🦮
this is why I gave you a key
pls don’t tell me you lost it
Sunghoon!! 🐧
I didn’t!
Sunghoon fumbles for his extra copy of Jake’s key. If Sunghoon could get over his fear of rejection, he’d kiss Jake on the forehead and give him the key to his apartment, too.
Sunghoon is greeted by a rush of warmth when he steps into Jake’s apartment. He slips his shoes off and ventures into the living room, where he finds Jake on the couch. He looks so small. Sunghoon’s heart aches in his chest.
“Jaeyun-ah?” Sunghoon asks. Jake sniffles, and he rolls over. He’s sick, but he’s still so pretty. Jake rubs his eyes.
“You came,” he says. He wraps his blanket around himself and sits up. Sunghoon sits on the floor across from him.
“Of course I did,” Sunghoon replies. “Did you eat anything today?” He asks, and Jake’s silence is the answer he needs.
Sunghoon clicks his tongue. “You’re not gonna get better, Jaeyun-ah,” he says. Jake’s kitchen is too familiar. They’ve baked cookies here, made pancakes, argued over who would wash the dishes.
Sunghoon shakes his head. He grabs a bowl and looks for a can opener. He pushes a little too hard and the broth spills over the sides. He’s one wrong moment away from telling Jake he likes him, and the thought is sobering.
“Here,” Sunghoon says. He sets the bowl on the coffee table. Jake coughs, and Sunghoon helps him lean closer.
Sunghoon knows most bad people are self aware, but he made his best friend soup and he wants to kiss him. What if there’s a correlation? Jake deserves to be with someone who won’t take his friendship for granted.
Jake lifts the yellow spoon to his lips. It’s a plastic one with a minion on the handle. It’s so cute and it’s so Jake.
“Thank you,” Jake says. “You didn’t have to come.”
Sunghoon frowns. “You’re sick, Jaeyun-ah,” he says. His tone of voice is so soft he feels it in his teeth. “You’re my best friend.”
Jake’s eyes get a little brighter. He’s so cute and it’s fucking painful. He smiles. “You’re the best, Hoon-ah.”
Sunghoon’s heart glows a dangerous shade of red. It’s the color of cherry cough syrup and congealed blood. His palms are warm against his jeans. “I should head home,” he says. “Think you’ll be okay here?”
“It’s really late,” Jake says. He takes another sip of his soup, like he’s trying to convince Sunghoon he’ll get better. “Why don’t you stay?”
Sunghoon swallows so thickly it hurts his throat. Jake wants him to stay. Jake wants Sunghoon to stay the night at his apartment.
The moment goes on for too long before Sunghoon nods. “Yeah,” he replies. “Thanks, Jaeyun-ah.”
Sunghoon plans to sleep in Jake’s spare room, but then Jake’s hand brushes against his own and Sunghoon doesn’t get much sleep at all.
🍇
Sunghoon’s an okay driver.
He can park between the lines and he takes unprotected right turns without crying. He’s not the best, but his car is always there when Jake needs it. Jake doesn’t know Sunghoon only got his license to drive him around.
“You’d be better off learning from someone else,” Sunghoon says. “I’m not that good.”
Jake pouts. He’s so cute. His soft eyes should be considered weapons because Sunghoon immediately folds for him. “But I want you to teach me,” Jake says. “You’re good enough to have a license.”
Sunghoon has never been good at saying no to Jake. His smile is lethal. “Fine,” he says. “But you can’t crash my car.”
Jake tilts his head like a puppy and Sunghoon is so gone for him. “I won’t!” Jake’s hand brushes against his own. Sparks shoot up Sunghoon’s spine and he hopelessly vacates the driver’s seat.
Sunghoon is hopelessly in love but Jake isn’t a hopeless driver. His stops are a little abrupt and his speed could use some consistency, but he’s good enough.
“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” Jake looks a little pink under the red traffic lights. His eyelashes rest against his skin when he blinks and he’s so, so pretty.
“Sorry, Jaeyun-ah,” Sunghoon replies. “I was just thinking.”
If they were dating, Sunghoon would rest his hand on top of Jake’s. They’d take road trips and stop at a hundred little diners. They’d share milkshakes and Jake would get whipped cream on his nose.
Sunghoon would put his heart in Jake’s hands. He wouldn’t expect him to close his fingers around it. Sunghoon would ask for Jay’s help, make Jake a hundred mixtapes they could play during the ride to his parent’s house.
“You’re doing good,” Sunghoon says. The words sound awkward like a poorly tuned guitar. His feelings are normally fine-tuned but he feels out of place now.
Jake smiles. “Thanks.” He takes a turn, and they end up on one of the main roads. It’s a Sunday evening and traffic is nonexistent. It’s just them and the world outside Sunghoon’s black car.
Sunghoon should be giving Jake better tips. He should tell Jake not to drive so close to the white lines but he’s dangerously close to telling him something else. His aborted confession bangs against his ribcage and threatens to climb up his throat.
Jake takes another turn, and Sunghoon is greeted by the neon lights of the neighboring street. He stops before another red light. The heat of the evening makes Sunghoon dizzy. The wires in his mind are crossed, a mess of pink and blue.
Sunghoon should just take the red lights as signs from the universe. The world is silently telling him he should quit pining for his best friend before he electrocutes himself. He’s content with where they are right now. Heaven might be in Jake’s ribcage, beside his heart—but maybe heaven is Sunghoon’s heated car at eleven PM.
They stop in an empty parking lot, and Jake opens the door. “You can drive now,” he says. “I think I’ve practiced enough for one day.”
Sunghoon smiles softly. “It’s harder than it looks,” he says.
Jake pouts. “It never looked easy!” Sunghoon wants to kiss him so badly it hurts. “Do you wanna get dinner?” He asks. “I saw a good place a few blocks back.”
Sunghoon really, really shouldn’t. If he gets tired enough he’ll confess to Jake and the car will wrap around a tree.
Stupidly, he nods. “Just tell me where to go,” he says. Jake’s voice could be a whisper, and Sunghoon will still come when he’s called.
They drive for five minutes. The radio is a little fuzzy and the heater is blasting. “I like the smell of your car,” Jake says. He turns to stare at him. “It’s nice.”
You’re nice, is what Sunghoon would say if he had the guts. He’d drive Jake around for the rest of his life if the other boy wanted him to. He’s hopelessly devoted and it feels like sticky sweet caramel stuck between his teeth. Jake will give him cavities one day.
Instead, Sunghoon smiles softly. “New air freshener,” he says. He slides into the driver’s seat. “I’ll buy you one when you get your own car.”
Jake pouts. “You don’t like being my chauffeur?” His eyes are so pretty and sparkly. His beauty is divine and he rivals the night sky.
Sunghoon laughs even though it hurts. He does like it, and that’s the fucking problem.
🍇
Valentine’s day is getting closer and closer and Sunghoon hasn’t made any progress with himself. Nearly all of his friends are dating someone and he feels a little pathetic. He could make things a lot easier if he weren’t so scared.
Jay is feeding Jungwon, Sunoo is holding Heeseung’s hand under the table, and Riki is talking about some boy from his dance studio. Love is in the air and Sunghoon must be allergic. Maybe he has some sort of airborne sickness—it could be genetic.
“Sunghoon-hyung.” Riki, the little shit, stares right at him from across the table. “Are you dating anyone yet?”
Sunghoon almost chokes on a piece of beef. Jake looks up from his own food. He’s caught Sunghoon in a compromising position. Sunghoon swallows, and he shakes his head. “Not yet,” he says.
Riki gives him a knowing look. Sunghoon has half a mind to launch a piece of sliced steak across the table. Whatever he plans to say, he’s probably right and Sunghoon hates it. “What about you, Jake-hyung?”
Jake shakes his head. Sunghoon tries not to hyperfixate on the way his veiny fingers curl around his water glass. “You know I’ve been busy, Riki-yah.”
Maybe it’s an excuse, but it might be the truth. Jake is an all-star. He studies and studies. He has a job and he does extra math on the weekends. He’s perfect.
“You could make time if you really wanted to,” Jungwon offers. His hand is wrapped so tightly around Jay’s hand that the other boy has probably lost feeling in his fingers.
All of this might be a cruel joke. His friends have to know he’s in love and they have to make his life a little harder.
Jake shrugs. “I’ll think about it,” he says. He opens a laminated menu and smiles. “More drinks, anyone?”
Later, when dinner is finally over, Sunghoon faces his fears—one of them. Riki drags him into a convenience store. This time, the lights cast a pink glow on his face and a blue glow on Riki’s. Sunghoon frowns. “What was that about?”
“You like him,” Riki says. “You have to tell him.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” Sunghoon says. He hates how harsh it sounds. He swallows and gives Riki an apologetic look. “Riki—I can’t.”
Riki has always been perceptive. He doesn’t push, just gives Sunghoon an encouraging smile. Riki rests a hand on his back. “I’m rooting for you, hyung.”
“Thank you,” Sunghoon says. He grabs a box of chocolate and treats Riki to a carton of banana milk before they leave.
Jake is waiting for him outside. “I was looking for you,” he says. Sunghoon freezes, acutely aware of Jake’s pretty eyes on him.
Riki tosses his empty carton in the trash and gives Sunghoon one last look. “I’ll see you tomorrow, hyungs!” He says, and he runs off, probably trying catch up with Heeseung and Sunoo.
“Sorry, Jaeyun-ah,” he replies. “Riki wanted banana milk.”
Jake smiles. His hands are shoved into his pockets. If Sunghoon weren’t a coward, he’d keep Jake warm himself. “You’re a good hyung,” he says.
“I learned from the best,” Sunghoon says. Jake’s face is probably pink from the night air, but Sunghoon remains hopeful.
Jake is next to him now. “You’re really not dating anyone?” He asks. His dark hair is swept across his face and he’s such a lovely boy. Sunghoon doesn’t understand why he’s so surprised. There’s only one person he wants.
Sunghoon shakes his head. Jake hums softly. He doesn’t ask Sunghoon if he likes someone, and Sunghoon comes to the sobering realization that Jake knows. According to Riki, he’s been pretty obvious.
“What about you?” Sunghoon asks. He holds his breath as he waits for an answer. He has no right to be jealous. He could end this right now if he just confessed.
But Jake is so pretty. He’s a boy and he’s a god. His hands and voice are soft, match his pretty eyes. He’s the prettiest person Sunghoon has ever seen.
Jake shakes his head. “I was telling the truth in there,” he replies. The answer eases the ache in Sunghoon’s heart, but his chest still hurts. Jake’s presence is both the rose and the thorn.
Jake never had to pry his heart open—he just walked right in. He’s curled up inside Sunghoon’s ribcage, absorbing the heat from his heart. Jake never has to ask Sunghoon for his attention because everything of Sunghoon’s already belongs to him.
The moonlight hits Jake’s face and makes a halo around his head. Pretty, Sunghoon thinks.
Jake tilts his head. Some of his dark hair falls into his eyes. “Did you say something, Hoon-ah?”
Sunghoon freezes. He shoves his hands into his pockets. He feels the box of chocolate, a stick of gum, lip balm, and his wallet. “Nothing,” he says. “Can I walk you home?” He asks, and Jake nods.
Jake’s hand brushes against his as they walk back to his apartment. His fingers are probably coated with angel dust. Sunghoon is helpless, can’t do anything but love Jake until he inevitably dies.
Sunghoon stops when they reach a pedestrian crossing. “I wanted to give this to you,” he says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the box of chocolate.
Jake’s eyes light up. “You’re the best!” He smiles, wide and pretty. He does this cute thing where he holds the box up to his face and blinks quickly. “Thank you, Hoon-ah.” Jake offers him a piece, and Sunghoon takes it without a second thought.
The night is a good time to fuck everything up. Sunghoon saves himself this time.
🍇
Walking Jake home becomes a regular thing.
It’s not bad. Jake keeps talking and Sunghoon is never left alone with his own thoughts. Jake has always been sweet like that.
“And I thought I failed,” Jake says, “‘cause I didn’t study that much, but I got a perfect.”
Sunghoon can’t stop himself from smiling. “Of course you did,” he says. “I never doubted you, Jaeyun-ah.”
Someday this is going to catch up to him. Seeing Jake as a boy and a god is just another way of easing the pain. There will always be a space between them.
The sidewalk narrows, and Jake moves a little closer. He probably does it because he has to. If Sunghoon weren’t a coward, he’d hold Jake’s hand. Maybe Jake would keep his hand in Sunghoon’s pocket, let him do the same.
“How was practice?” Jake asks.
“It was alright,” Sunghoon replies. “I fell a few times.”
Their shoulders brush. “I like that about you,” Jake says, and Sunghoon turns to look at him. “You always pick yourself up.” Sunghoon smiles softly—if only he could do it this time.
The silence between them is never really silent. Jake’s humming a song and Sunghoon’s mind is cluttered. In the quiet of the evening, Sunghoon wants and wants.
They finally reach Jake’s apartment. The warm lights draw Sunghoon closer like a dragonfly to a peach tree. The fabric of Sunghoon’s pants brush against his knee, and he winces. He looks down at his knee, relieved when he doesn’t see blood.
“Are you okay, Hoon-ah?” Jake asks. Sunghoon can’t handle it when Jake looks at him this way, eyes pretty and wide and full of concern. Loving Jake feels like the summer and they’re stuck in different hemispheres.
“I’m fine,” Sunghoon replies. “I just scraped myself earlier.” He hasn’t checked on the wound since this morning. Hopefully it’s scabbed over.
Jake frowns. “Are you even wearing a bandaid?”
Sunghoon swallows thickly, and he shakes his head. Like his dream and worst nightmare, Jake grabs his arm and drags him inside. Love is clawing at his chest, on the verge of forcing its way out.
Sunghoon feels like he’s in one of those games with endless space. He’s trapped between the real world and his own mind. The world is a blurry as Jake guides him to his apartment and unlocks the door.
“Jaeyun-ah,” Sunghoon says. “You don’t have to do anything. I can take care of it myself.”
Jake is silent. He forces Sunghoon onto the couch. He gently rolls up Sunghoon’s pant leg, and he frowns when he sees the raw skin of his knee.
Jake sighs. “Let me take care of you, Hoon-ah.” Sunghoon’s nerves are on fire and Jake’s words do dangerous things to his heart.
This is too intimate. Jake is so close to him and his hands are on Sunghoon’s bare skin. He examines the scrape carefully, and his eyes dilate, get a little wider.
“Wait here.” Jake disappears for a moment, eventually appearing with cotton swabs and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. He carries ointment in his mouth, and Sunghoon thinks he looks like a puppy.
Jake kneels in front of him. He dips the cotton swab into the bottle and runs it across Sunghoon’s knee. Sunghoon grits his teeth—it fucking stings.
“‘M sorry,” Jake says softly. His tone of voice is enough to ease the pain. “Just a little more.”
Pretty, pretty, pretty. The thoughts escape his brain and manifest as sugary words on his tongue. Sunghoon forces himself to swallow them. They’re sweet but they don’t go down easy.
Jake dabs ointment on his wound. He pulls a bandaid out of his pocket and places it over his skin, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. It stings a little less now.
“Does that feel okay?” He asks. His bottom lip is caught between his teeth. Sunghoon wants to kiss him so badly it hurts.
Sunghoon nods. “Yeah,” he replies, but it comes out choked. He needs to run, but his feet are rooted in place. “Thank you, Jaeyun-ah.”
Jake smiles. “Of course.” Sunghoon wishes Jake wouldn’t smile at him this way. It makes everything so much harder, but he doesn’t know what he’d do if Jake stopped. “It’s kinda cold outside,” he says. He shifts so his legs are crossed. “You can stay if you want.”
Sunghoon wants to say yes. Loving Jake from afar means being content with sleeping on his couch or in his spare bedroom. It means smiling at him a little too hard when the other boy isn’t looking.
But Jake is looking at him right now. He looks past Sunghoon’s eyes light he’s trying to see all he is. Sunghoon gives him a smile and shakes his head. “I have practice really early in the morning,” he says.
Jake almost looks disappointed. Sunghoon hyperfixates on the way Jake’s hand brushes against his knee, the way it feels electric through the fabric.
Jake moves, and Sunghoon stands up. He unrolls the leg of his pants. He gives Jake a smile. “See you tomorrow?” He asks.
Jake nods. He’s smiling. “Goodnight, Hoon-ah.”
Sunghoon’s heart squeezes in his chest. Jake’s smile gives him a sandpaper mouth and a head full of cotton.
“Goodnight, Jaeyun-ah.”
🍇
Sunghoon isn’t afraid to be alone. He’s been like this since he was young. He’s far from lonely, but there’s a special kind of beauty in solitude.
He’s a little afraid now. It’s half-past eleven PM, and his friends are leaving his apartment. Once Riki collects his empty notebooks and shoves his laptop into his backpack, Sunghoon will be alone with Jake once more. He won’t be my himself, but they’ll be alone together.
Jake’s always been the first to come and the last to leave. He’s carved a space for himself in Sunghoon’s heart and unbeknownst to him, Sunghoon can’t let him go. In his mind, Sunghoon keeps holding on to fill the empty space.
“Goodnight, hyungs!” Riki says. He doesn’t say anything more in front of Jake, but Sunghoon knows exactly what he’s thinking. They’ll be alone, sitting on Sunghoon’s coach with an appropriate amount of space between them.
Sunghoon is sitting next to Jake on the couch. Their knees aren’t touching because Sunghoon has distanced himself. It hurts but it’s for his own good.
The door closes and warmth rushes in. “Hoon,” Jake asks. Sunghoon turns to look at him. “Have you ever seen the Godfather?”
Sunghoon shakes his head. “I know it’s really famous,” he replies. “Is it good?”
Jake moves a little closer to him. Sunghoon’s little bunny heart is so close to leaping out of his chest. He reaches for the remote. “Do you wanna watch it?”
Sunghoon just nods dumbly. He’d watch a documentary on clown fish if it made Jake happy. He’s so in love it makes him sick. He leans back against the couch, and Jake starts a three-hour movie.
The turmoil and violence of the movie aren’t enough to keep Sunghoon occupied. Jake is breathing softly, and he’s even closer than before.
A single blanket covers both of them. A soft pillow serves as a barrier, but Sunghoon can still feel Jake’s warmth. Jake sighs.
This time, Sunghoon doesn’t stop himself from getting too close. A stray meteor wouldn’t be enough to keep Sunghoon from colliding with Jake. He lets Jake rests his pretty head on his shoulder. Maybe this is what friends do.
“This is my favorite part,” Jake says. Sunghoon tries to pay attention to the movie but it’s hard. He’s a human supernova, a star set aflame. The hope Jake might like him back is enough to keep him going.
Jake is the sun and Sunghoon orbits around him. He hopes one day he’ll tell Jake he loves him, and they’ll orbit each other. Birds would sing and the sun would shine a little brighter.
Jake’s breathing slows, and Sunghoon keeps his eyes focused on the TV. Between the Italian and the delayed subtitles, Sunghoon lost the plot a while ago.
It’s a little too hot in here and sweat is collecting under his shirt. Amidst it all, Jake’s hair tickles his collarbone, and Sunghoon smiles so hard his face aches. If Jake sees, he doesn’t say anything.
“Jake?” Sunghoon looks over, only to find Jake fast asleep. His chest aches and aches. Want tastes incredibly bitter. Need tastes a little sweeter but it still gets stuck between his teeth.
Jake looks so sweet. His eyes are closed, eyelashes like soft brushstrokes against his skin. His table lamp scatters pretty shapes across his skin and he looks like an angel.
Sunghoon realizes he can’t hide any longer. His heart is about to burst like an overripe pomegranate. It’ll dirty his floors and he’ll lose his deposit. He’ll tell Jake he loves him when he wakes up. He’ll reach out his hand and expect nothing in return.
Sunghoon tucks a strand of hair behind Jake’s ear. “Goodnight, Jaeyun-ah.”
🍇
It’s Valentine’s Day.
To his friends’ amusement, he’s still boyfriend-less and still pining like an idiot. Riki made fun of him for playing the long game, but Sunghoon can’t imagine doing anything else. Someone else might move on. Sunghoon can’t.
Sunghoon places a bouquet of daffodils and baby’s breath in a turquoise vase. Treated with cold water and plant food, they should last a few weeks. Sunghoon has never confessed to someone before. He decides to play it safe with flowers and a card.
Sunghoon’s phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s Jake.
Jaeyun ❤️🦮
hoon
are you busy??
Sunghoon!! 🐧
No :(
Jaeyun ❤️🦮
can you come over?
i need help with homework
Sunghoon!! 🐧
Sure
Sunghoon swallows thickly. This is it. He tucks his keys into his pocket and zips up his coat. The door is heavy as it closes behind him.
During the walk to Jake’s apartment, Sunghoon contemplates the possible outcomes. Losing Jake would be like losing an organ, but Sunghoon figures he could live without a few of them. If Jake rejects him, Sunghoon hopes he’ll say it softly, in the same tone he uses to talk to dogs.
Jake is already outside of his apartment when Sunghoon arrives. “Jake?” He asks. He sees Jake’s pretty eyes in the moonlight. “Aren’t you cold?”
Sunghoon takes a few steps forward. He tightens his grip around the vase, careful not to drop it. Jake shrugs. “Wanted to see you.”
Sunghoon’s face heats up. Jake probably can’t see it in the dark. “What do you need help with?” He asks.
Jake ignores his question and asks one of his own. He moves closer, and they’re finally face-to-face. “Are these for me, Hoon-ah?” The prettiest blush paints his cheeks, and Sunghoon suspects it’s not from the cold.
Sunghoon nods. “Yeah,” he replies. Jake is a little taken aback, like he half-expected Sunghoon to say no. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Jake curls his pretty fingers around the neck of the vase. “These are really pretty,” he says. He smiles and he’s so beautiful. “Thank you, Hoon.”
Sunghoon nods. “I have something for you, too,” Jake says. Sunghoon’s heart immediately jumps to his throat.
Jake stands on the tips of his toes and presses a kiss to Sunghoon’s cheek. When he pulls away, his touch is seared into Sunghoon’s skin. Jake is like a doll. He smiles, all pink lips and ivory teeth. Their hands touch, and Sunghoon gets a glimpse of his pink painted knuckles.
“I like you,” Jake says. “So much.”
Sunghoon freezes. “You like me?” He asks. Jake tilts his head and stares at him. Sunghoon feels ridiculous for even asking. Sunghoon reaches for Jake’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “I like you too,” he says. “I love you, Jaeyun-ah.”
Sunghoon jumps face-first into icy water, and Jake catches him immediately. “I know,” Jake says. “I think everyone did.”
Sunghoon’s face is impossibly red. He pulls off his jacket and wraps it around Jake’s shoulders. “I didn’t know if you liked me back,” he says. He feels silly now. Jake’s looking at him with so much love, and he feels full.
The world stops when Jake laughs. “I’ve always loved you, Hoon-ah,” he says. “I thought I was kinda obvious.”
Sunghoon gently tilts Jake’s chin up. “Can I kiss you?” He asks.
Jake nods. Sunghoon wraps an arm around his waist and finally presses their lips together. It’s like they’re one person. Jake steals the air from his lungs and breathes it back into him.
Jake’s lips are soft and warm against his own. Sunghoon’s been dreaming of this so long he can’t believe it’s real. When they pull apart, Jake traces each one of his moles, connects them like stars. “You’re so pretty,” Jake says.
Sunghoon’s bottom lip quivers, if only for a moment. He leans forward and kisses him again. “I’m sorry for waiting so long,” Sunghoon says.
Jake sniffs. “’S alright,” he replies. “But we have to make up for lost time.”
He kisses him again, and Sunghoon smiles, happy to cut his tongue on Jake’s ivory teeth and bleed into him. Jake grabs his hand and drags him toward the door.
Jake kisses him in the elevator, in the hallway and in the stairwell. Sunghoon laughs, breathes him in because he needs him.
When they enter Jake’s apartment, Sunghoon is greeted by warmth in Jake’s eyes and warmth on his skin. Jake presses their lips together again, tangling his fingers in Sunghoon’s hair. Sunghoon takes a dive, eagerly takes everything Jake gives him.
Jake pulls him over to the couch and slides into his lap. The scent and taste of Jake lie heavily on Sunghoon’s tongue, and he feels it in his lungs. Sunghoon pulls him close, wrapping an arm around his waist.
When Jake kisses him, Sunghoon forgets everything he’s ever worried about. Jake is sitting in his lap and Sunghoon has the world in front of him. Sunghoon kisses the top of Jake’s head, and the other boy giggles, positively angelic.
Jake reacts to Sunghoon like they’ve done this thousands of times. He sighs when Sunghoon’s teeth touch on his bottom lip, shivers when Sunghoon’s hand brushes against his waist and cheek.
“Pretty,” Sunghoon breathes. He can’t believe this, can’t believe Jake is his. He presses his lips against Jake’s neck. “You’re so pretty, Jaeyun-ah.” His slender fingers curl around Jake’s cheek, lips traveling to the soft spot below his ear. He hesitates for a moment before resting his hands on Jake’s waist.
Jake kisses him again. After thumping and beating against his ribcage, Sunghoon’s heart climbs up his throat. Surely Jake can hear it beating his name. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Jake says, tucking a strand of hair behind Sunghoon’s ear.
“And now that you have?” Sunghoon asks. He smiles, canines catching on his bottom lip.
“I’m never letting you go,” Jake says. Sunghoon peppers his face with kisses until they’re both giggling, out of breath and so in love. Jake’s fingers are wrapped around his wrist, and Sunghoon can’t think of anything else but him.
“Wanna order dinner?” Sunghoon asks. He’s a little dazed, but Jake is, too. He idly traces the outline of Jake’s pretty face, the perfect slope of his nose. Jake leans forward and their lips brush like two flowers in the breeze.
Jake squeezes his hand a little tighter and kisses his forehead. “I thought you’d never ask.”