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Kanon started as he heard the servant’s bell ring, his head flicking up from his crossword puzzle. He blinked as if snapped out of a trance, wondering how much time he’d spent absorbed in the mindless task. The bell’s toll faded away as quickly as it had come, replaced by the gentle sound of pattering rain that echoed through the dimly lit servant’s room, only just large enough for shadows to gather in the corners. Kanon’s eyes flashed to a clock on the wall: 11:32pm.
Not yet.
He scanned the room for Genji, but the other servant was nowhere to be found. With a sigh, Kanon pushed himself to his feet, setting down the pencil in his hand. The wire of the bell that had tolled led to the room where the cousins were sleeping; one of them had probably just gotten thirsty in the night and called for water.
Absentmindedly, Kanon wondered where Shannon had gone. His sister had run off to play human with the cousins, a foolish escapade at any rate, but at this hour, they should all be asleep. She should’ve been back by now, and yet, like Genji, she was nowhere to be seen. The image of George’s smiling face flashed in Kanon’s mind, and he tensed, fingers clenching and unclenching at the thought. After a few moments, however, he pushed the urges down, allowing cool numbness to spread over himself once again.
All will be made right in time.
———
Kanon gently nudged the door to the cousins’ room open, peaking into the darkened space. He held a tray containing a glass and a pitcher of ice water in one hand, carefully supporting it on the tips of his upturned fingers. He squinted, trying to make out the silhouettes on each bed; Maria’s tiny form barely peaked out above the covers on the bed closest to the door; Jessica lay on the next one down, her limbs splayed as she snored loudly; and behind her, a figure sat on the edge of their own bed, shoulders slumped and head tilted downward.
Battler-sama? Kanon wondered. As he watched, the figure lifted their head, and their eyes met. A flash of warmth shot through Kanon as he was pinned down by the piercing blue gaze, and for a moment he could do nothing but stare back. Remembering his servant’s role, he quickly gathered himself, quietly slipping into the room.
“You rang for me, Battler-sama?” Kanon asked in a hushed tone. His eyes were beginning to adjust to the dark, Battler’s facial features becoming more defined as he nodded in response. “Yeah. Couldn’t sleep,” the spiky-haired man rasped, his voice unusually weary to Kanon’s ears. Battler had always been the most energetic of the cousins, always raring to go and speaking his mind at every opportunity. But now, he just seemed beaten down. Kanon guessed that knowing his parents were embroiled in a vicious family argument wasn’t helping matters.
“I’ll just leave this here, then,” Kanon said, setting the tray of water down on a side table. He bowed politely. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
He turned to leave the room, eager to escape those burning blue eyes that seemed to bore into his back. His skin prickled uncomfortably, the itch growing stronger and stronger the longer he stayed in that room.
I shouldn’t be here.
“Kanon, wait,” Battler called after him. Kanon froze, wondering if he’d imagined that voice. Forcing a neutral expression onto his face, he turned, trying not to flinch as Battler’s piercing gaze once again met his own. “Yes, Battler-sama?”
There was a rustling of sheets as Battler stood, and to Kanon’s utter shock, the other man stepped toward him, stopping a mere foot away. Kanon stared upward as Battler seemed to loom over him, using every ounce of willpower to fight to appear calm. Battler opened his mouth, then hesitated, his gaze flashing awkwardly. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Kanon, he spoke.
“Would you…mind going on a little walk with me? I need to clear my head and I’d feel better if there was someone with me.”
Kanon blinked, for a moment unable to comprehend the words Battler had just spoken to him. Then their meaning sank in, and it felt as though the wave of heat that flowed over him would knock him off his feet. Despite himself, the placid mask of his face chipped, showing only in the slight twitch of one eye. He nodded hastily, praying to every god he could think of that Battler hadn’t noticed. “Of course.”
Battler sighed with relief, tension leaving his shoulders. “Thanks. I know it’s a bit uncouth of me to ask you such a thing, but, truth be told, I’m a bit nervous. There’s just something about tonight that has me on edge.”
Kanon stiffened slightly, a worm of guilt boring into his stomach, but he quickly pushed it down, much like how one would suppress the urge to vomit. Instead, he merely shook his head. “Do not worry. As a servant of the Ushiromiya family, I am bound to carry out every order placed upon me. I am…furniture.”
A hint of worry flickered across Battler’s face at that, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Kanon stepped aside with a bow, allowing Battler to leave first. When he had done so, Kanon turned and closed the door softly behind him. As it clicked shut, it struck him that he was now alone with Battler. The hair on the back of his neck rose as the prickling in his skin intensified, and he resisted the urge to claw at himself until the feeling subsided. Slowly, he turned, seeing that Battler was gazing at him expectantly.
“You okay?” he asked. Kanon gulped, wondering if Battler could detect the beads of sweat forming on his brow. “Yes. I’m fine.”
Battler blinked, searching Kanon’s gaze for a moment. Then he shrugged, turning away to continue down the hall. Kanon exhaled softly with relief, letting out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He followed behind the taller man, finding himself examining the broad muscles of his back. Battler’s shoulder blades shifted with the sway of his arms as he walked, flexing beneath the thin material of his undershirt. Mesmerized by the movement, Kanon nearly started when Battler turned, affixing him with that piercing blue gaze once again. He beckoned Kanon with a hand, gesturing for him to come forward. “C’mon, I won’t bite,” he teased. “I feel like I’m being stalked with you back there.”
Kanon blanched. With hurried footsteps, he strode up beside Battler, nearly pressing himself against the wall to avoid brushing against the taller man’s shoulder. The hallway was just wide enough for the two to walk abreast, Kanon keeping his eyes staunchly ahead as they made their way through the dimly lit guesthouse. Neither spoke, the only sound the soft pattering of rain against the windows.
Though the atmosphere around them was calm, inwardly, Kanon’s thoughts raced. Why was Battler paying so much attention to him? Was he misreading the situation? Would the Ushiromiya have done the same if it had been Shannon who came, or Genji? Did he know something? Or was he telling the truth when he said he just had a strange feeling? But why else would he be feeling that way? And what was this feeling burning inside his own chest? Was it guilt? Shame? He’d thought Shannon chasing after George like a lost puppy had been ridiculous, but now-
Kanon’s thoughts were interrupted as he realized Battler had stopped. He paused beside him, glancing at the taller man warily. Battler turned to him, and Kanon was surprised to see anxiety on his face.
“Kanon-kun, I…there’s something I need to tell you.”
Every muscle in Kanon’s body stiffened. He knows. He knows everything. I don’t know how but somehow he knows and he’s going to-
Kanon’s breath caught in his chest as Battler approached him. He found himself with his back pressed against the wall, Battler looming above him, his body filling Kanon’s vision, Kanon’s eyes only coming up to the other man’s collar. Battler placed a hand on the wall to steady himself as he leaned down, his face now mere inches from Kanon’s own. Kanon’s breath caught in his throat, his mouth open wordlessly. Battler’s gaze, once so intense, suddenly softened. He tilted his head, eyelids fluttering closed, and then-
Battler kissed him.
His lips pressed softly against Kanon’s own, interlocking as they slid gently into place. Kanon froze, a muffled note of surprise escaping his throat. A burning sensation spread from his mouth across his entire body, and he became acutely aware of Battler’s other hand on his waist. Kanon’s own arms remained awkwardly outstretched, grasping at thin air. His thoughts failed him. He lost all sense of time. Everything else faded away, and there was only him, and Battler, in this moment, and Battler was kissing him. Ushiromiya Battler was kissing him.
Then Battler pulled away, and Kanon came crashing back to reality. Cold air hit his lips, and Battler’s hand slid off his waist. Kanon could only watch as Battler stepped back, concern with more than a hint of shock spreading across his face.
“I’m sorry-I-I have no idea what came over me,” he stuttered, jerking his hands back as if he’d placed them on a hot stove. Kanon blinked at him, face flushed a deep red, still trying to process what had just happened.
The lack of response seemed to confirm Battler’s worries, because he smacked his hand to his forehead with a groan. “Agh, dammit. I’ve gone and upset you now, haven’t I? I’ve always been terrible with this stuff.”
Kanon tried to steady his shallow breathing, gradually picking up the pieces of his scattered thoughts until he was once again able to form a coherent sentence. He drew himself upward, willing his stiff muscles to relax. “No. I mean-I’m not-it wasn’t-“
He took a breath to steady himself. “I…I have no qualms. With what just happened.”
Battler blinked at him, eyebrows raised. “You…don’t?”
Kanon opened his mouth to affirm, but found that he couldn’t. He wanted Battler to kiss him again, to wrap his arms around his body and hold him close until their lips were numb. He wanted to feel Battler’s hand on his waist again, on his back, his neck, his cheek. But the overwhelming warmth of the kiss was wearing off, and a familiar voice began to creep back in, the one that was always at the back of his mind. You’re furniture, it said. This is not your place. You’re falling into the same foolish trap Shannon did. You can play human, but you know it will only end in pain.
A pit of guilt opened up in Kanon’s stomach, sending a wave of nausea across his body, just as powerful as the warmth he’d felt mere moments before. He doubled over, clasping a hand to his mouth.
“Shit, are you alright?!” Battler exclaimed, immediately kneeling down beside Kanon and placing a hand on his back. Kanon breathed hard, managing to suppress the bile threatening to escape his throat, in no small part thanks to Battler’s steadying touch. “I’m fine,” he choked out, cursing himself for letting Battler see him like this.
Battler shook his head. “Gah, this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have been so forward.” He laughed nervously to himself. “I’m such a goddamn idiot.”
Kanon looked up at him, words of protest on his lips, but once again, they didn’t come. Instead, he turned his awkward doubled-over position into a bow and stood, muttering something about returning to his duties. To his relief-and slight dismay-Battler remained silent as Kanon turned heel and fled down the corridor, hastening his steps as much as he could without breaking into a full-on run. He stared numbly ahead, his feet automatically guiding him back to the servant’s quarters.
As soon as he entered, Kanon darted to the nearest wastebin and knelt over it, body jerking forward as he emptied the contents of his stomach into it. When he had finished, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and climbed shakily to his feet, glancing at the clock.
12:01am.
He was late.
You’re nothing but furniture, the voice whispered. You know what you’re going to do to him. To everyone.
Kanon swallowed, the taste of vomit on his tongue. For a moment, warmth flashed on his lips, the memory of sensation so potent it was almost real. Then it was gone, replaced by an icy calm that numbed his body and mind. Gripping the key in his pocket, Kanon turned, making for the door.
He was furniture.
And that was all he would ever be.