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"I think David's stolen my goggles", I say, sighing as I sit down on my bed, looking at Charlie as if he might make them reappear.
"I can't believe you're leaving me for 3 whole weeks. You'll be in Menorca and I'll be stuck here", Charlie says as he tilts his head upwards, looking at me. "Gonna be the longest we've been apart since we first met".
And it's not an accusation, not really. I know it isn't. But I definitely wish Jane would've just agreed with Charlie coming along with us.
She used the fact that my mom wasn't joining us as a way to say no, because, in her words, there wouldn't be a parent present. And in a way, that's true, I suppose. It didn't matter that my aunt and uncle would be the ones there to look after us.
"Ah, you gonna miss me?", I ask as I lie down on Charlie's chest, a sudden need to hear him say he is in fact gonna miss me as much as I'm gonna miss him.
"Mmh", Charlie says as he wraps his arms around me, "maybe a little bit".
"A little bit?", I ask, a slight frown on my face, gripping Charlie even tighter. "That's very, very rude".
"You know I'm gonna miss you a lot", Charlie says softly.
After snuggling into Charlie a bit more, I reluctantly get up. If I could stay in Charlie's arms forever, I absolutely would. There's nowhere else I feel this safe. This loved. And as I look at Charlie, I feel it again. That feeling that has been burning inside of me for quite some time now. Love.
I plant a small kiss on Charlie's cheek. I don't know if Charlie's there yet. To say those 3 little words back to me if I were to say them to him now. So I wait. And try to put all my love into this small kiss.
As I pull away, I think about kissing Charlie for a second, but I really do need to take a shower and if I do kiss him anywhere other than his cheek, that won't happen anytime soon.
"Right, I'm gonna go and have a shower", I say as I make my way to the door. "Cause I've got sand everywhere. Movie after?".
"Only if it's not Marvel", Charlie replies with a slight grin.
And I know, one day, Charlie's gonna love Marvel as much as I love it. I can already tell Charlie likes some of them now, even though he'll never admit to that. But I like to imagine myself and Charlie when we're older. When there's a new movie or series coming out in a few years and we're curled up on our couch, watching it from our own little home. Maybe have a dog running around, or a cat. Maybe both. All I know is that we'll be there, together.
I'm lost in thought for a second, before I remember why I got up in the first place, giving Charlie a smirk. "Oh yeah, I forgot you've got no taste".
"Hey!", Charlie says, a bit louder, but with a smile on his face.
As I close the door behind me and walk into the shower, I can't help the smile spreading across my face. I quickly get rid of my clothes before turning the water on, letting the water warm for a bit before getting in. I'm usually one for taking longer showers, always causing my mom to yell at me to get out, but I don't want to now that Charlie's waiting.
As the water runs down my body, I can't help but think about Charlie. How much I want to tell him that I love him.
I don't know if he's waiting for me to say it first, or if it's too soon to say it anyways. And really, how soon is too soon if you just know? Because I know I love him. I think I have for a while now. I don't even know when liking him turned into loving him, to being in love with him. I guess that's just been a gradually transforming feeling.
As I begin washing the shampoo out of my hair, I hear a small knock on the door and Charlie saying my name.
"Yeah?".
"My mom said I have to come home", comes Charlie's reply.
I sigh, cause there's no arguing Jane. I don't think she'll ever allow Charlie to stay over here past 9. "Oh okay, uhm, give me 2 minutes, I can walk you home".
"No, no it's fine", I hear Charlie saying quickly. "I just-".
And I listen, waiting for him to continue.
"You know when we were in the sea?", I hear Charlie say after a few seconds.
"Yeah?".
"I lied", Charlie says matter of factly.
And I can feel myself getting stressed. Did he lie when he said there wasn't anything wrong. Is there something else? My mind is going a million miles per hour. "What'd you mean?".
"When you asked whether the eating thing was what I wanted to talk to you about. That wasn't what I was actually gonna talk to you about. I was actually gonna say that-".
Pause.
Again.
The silence is killing me.
"I love you".
And my mind goes blank. That was not what I was expecting him to say. I stand there, shocked. I can't seem to get my mind to work, can't get myself to reply to him. That's when I hear him talk again, nervous, like he did something wrong.
"So yeah. Anyway. I- I can walk myself home. Bye!", Charlie says quickly.
Too quickly, because I can hear him running down the stairs. And fuck, no, I don't want him to leave. I don't want him to think I don't love him back. "Wait, wait, wait", I yell, trying to get out the shower as fast as I can, tripping in the process.
"Oh no, no, Charlie hang on. Charlie!", I yell again as I burst out the door, towel around my waist, making my way downstairs. It isn't until I'm halfway down the stairs that I remember I need to put on some clothes, cause I can't exactly run after him in just a towel.
I quickly throw on some shorts, grab a zip up hoodie and run downstairs again, running out the front door as I put the hoodie on. It isn't until I'm running around the corner that I feel the small stones digging into my feet, having forgotten to put on shoes.
I need to get to Charlie.
"Charlie!", I yell as I keep running, seeing him in the distance. "Charlie!".
He turns around, a shocked expression on his face as I crash myself into his arms.
"Hi", he says, a bit hesitantly.
"You said it to me while I was in the shower", I say as I'm trying to catch my breath.
"Sorry".
"No, no s-word", I say, dropping my head down onto his shoulder.
"Okay", he says softly.
"Can you say what you said again please?", I mumble into his shoulder.
"It's embarrassing".
I look at him, waiting for him to say it again. I don't want to take the first time saying it away from him, but if he doesn’t say it soon, I might explode.
I can tell he's trying to read my face, trying to figure out if it's really okay to say it. I know I'm blushing, I can feel it, and I can't hide my smile any longer.
"I love you", he says whilst looking into my eyes. And I don't just hear him say it, I feel it. Everywhere. The blush on my face getting darker, my smile getting even wider. My belly's doing somersaults.
"And you don't have to say it back. I just wanted to tell you cause you're going away and I wouldn't see you for a few weeks and-", Charlie continues.
"I love you too. I love you so much", I say, not a doubt in my mind as I say it back to him.
"You're not just saying that because I said it are you?", he asks, half joking, half serious.
"Charlie", I say with a chuckle. "Come here you idiot". And I lean in and kiss him. And I know it's cliche, but this kiss feels different. Different from any other kiss we've ever shared. This is not an 'I like you kiss', this feels like an 'I'm gonna love you forever kiss'. And I know he feels the same.
"You're still damp", Charlie giggles as we part again.
"Yeah well, you're the one who said I love you for the first time while I was in the shower", I say with a laugh.
"Ugh, why did I do that", he says as he drops his head on my shoulder. "Why are we like this?"
"Because you're Charlie", I say as he looks back up at me. "And you love me. And I love you".
"I can't believe this. I love you so, so much Nick", Charlie says as he wraps his arms around me again.
I hold onto him tightly, swaying us back and forth. "God Char, you don't know how many times I wanted to tell you that I loved you before. I was just afraid it would be too soon".
"Shut up, no you didn't" he mumbles into my neck.
"Oh believe me, I did", I chuckle, planting a kiss on his hair. "I've known that I loved you for quite some time".
"Really?", Charlie asks me, genuine surprise in his voice.
"Char", I say as I take his head in my hands. "I know you won't believe me, but you're so easy to love. I love everything about you, I really do".
"Nick", Charlie says in a breathy whisper.
"It's true", I says as I kiss him again. And kiss him some more. Until we both feel the need for air again. "Can I walk you home now?".
"You're not even wearing a shirt".
"I thought you liked it?", I say with a grin. "I saw you peeping at me at the beach".
"I was not peeping", Charlie says, a slight blush forming on his cheeks.
"It's okay, it's allowed. We're in love"
"Oh my god", Charlie groans, looking down at the ground. "So in love you gonna walk to my house with no shoes on?".
"Yeah, that's how in love I am. I think you'd do the same for me", I say as I take his hand in mine.
"Yeah, I would", he says as he squeezes my hand.
It takes us a bit longer to walk back to Charlie's house, we're walking slowly, hands swinging between us, stopping every few minutes to kiss, telling eachother 'I love you' as many times as the short route home allows us to.
We don't get the opportunity to properly say goodbye at his door, as Jane is already waiting, tapping her foot impatiently. It feels wrong to not kiss him again, so I do. Just a quick peck, before I give him a hug and whisper one last 'I love you' in his ear. His face is turned towards Jane, so I don't blame him for not saying it back right now. I know he loves me.
Jane coughs as to say we have to break it up. I let go of Charlie, a big grin on my face again. The blush on his is absolutely adorable.
"Bye Nick, get home safe", Jane says as she ushers Charlie inside, closing the door before I can even respond. But it doesn’t matter. Because Charlie loves me. Charlie is in love with me.
I get home quickly, a skip in my step that wasn't there before tonight. I quickly wash my feet, before getting into bed, grabbing my phone.
A text from Charlie. 'I love you too'.
And another. 'So much❤️'.
And the smile I had on my face before makes it's way back in full force. I feel lighter, happier.
I feel loved.
So incredibly loved.