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“Mikasa.” His voice is as gentle as usual. Soft with a hint of tiredness between the lines. I miss how cheerful he used to be. How he speaks with determination and passion. One that is burning from within, one that doesn’t consume him.
“Why do you care so much about me?’ Why are you asking this?
“ What am I to you? ”
The question caught me off guard. How could he ask this? Out of everyone, out of every circumstance, how could he ask this? To your own best friend, Eren? To one of the friends who stays with you through our hardest time. To someone who stay by your side when you lost everything. When we lost everything. Someone who’s now the strongest soldier for your sake.
“How could you?” Eren was looking away, probably waiting for the worst answer to come out of my mouth. So, when I asked him another question instead, I could see the confusion in his eyes.
“I stayed by your side from the moment you gave me the red scarf up until now, Eren. I will not go anywhere without you.” I took a step forward, Eren took a step back. The emotion I have bundled up is slowly, but surely, starting to burst open. My gaze is starting to blur, but I can still see Eren looking at me, his eyes as wide as when he was a child. Like when we were gazing across the wall, dreaming about our future to life outside of the cage. To finally see the sea. To grow old together, just the two of us. His eyes are losing the shine, but I can feel the warmth is still there. It never goes away.
So how could you, Eren?
“What are you expecting from that question? Are you betting on the chance I’ll say that we are just family? Because your family took me in?” I took a deep breath. I need it. I let out a sigh as I also wiped the tears away from my eyes. I can see him, but I want to see him better. I need him to be better. I need him .
“Mikasa, I don’t mean-“
“You’ve always been more than family.” Both of us reached out for each other, both for different reasons. I can see him wanting to reach my shoulders, probably to calm me down because of how upset I look, and I reach forward to his collar, just to bring him closer because I don’t like the distance between us. There’s been too many gaps forming between us. If there’s one that I can erase, then I want it to be this one.
“ More than a family? ”
“Why is it so hard for you to understand? I care about you because-” Deep breath. “B, because…” I let his collar go, but his hold on me remained still. Deep breath, Mikasa . The air around us is cold, but I can feel my cheeks burning while I’m scrambling around with my words. I care about him, and that is true. He means more to me than just a family.
… I love him.
“ I l, lo… ” He needs to know.
“ I love you .” and I almost turned. I’m scared of his reactions and the outcomes, but his gaze softens instead. The warmth I was desperately looking before finally started to emerge. He’s coming back. And I’m here for him.
“I love you, Eren.” And this time I’m sure. I love you.
“I’ll gladly-”
The grasp on my shoulder is turning into an embrace. The distance I loathe is now gone. I wasn’t done with my sentences, there’s still more I want to say, but I am forced to be silenced. With Eren’s lips sealing mine, spreading the warmth I’ve been longing from his gaze. It was soft, and his breath against my face was as warm as the summer breeze. And I don’t hate that.
“Mikasa.” As my eyes flutter open once he pulls away, the first thing I see is his smile. A smile I’m willing to protect with my life.
“ I love you too , Mikasa.”