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Iwaizumi was ecstatic when Oikawa asked him out. While he may not show it, the Ace was completely and utterly infatuated with his setter. Unfortunately, Iwaizumi quickly realized Oikawa didn’t have the same type of feelings towards Iwaizumi that Iwaizumi had for him.
“Oikawa you could get any girl at this school and yet you chose Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa said one day as Iwaizumi was about to walk into the changing room, “I just don’t understand you dude.”
“C’mon Matsu, have you seen Iwa-chan? He’s so hot I feel like I’m going to melt.” Oikawa replied.
Iwaizumi felt his face go red, eavesdropping on the conversation, deciding then to change in the bathroom stall. Despite being very flustered, Iwaizumi was slightly flattered by Oikawa’s comment. No one had ever spoken about him that way before.
XXX
The comments were then the only thing Iwaizumi could hear. Iwa-chan is hot. Iwa-chan is sexy. Iwa-chan’s muscles were so big. Oikawa never actually said he loved Iwaizumi, only his body.
Iwaizumi understood. He was hard to deal with. He was gruff, blunt, and couldn’t pick up social cues to save his life. He knew he just was a wet blanket for everyone to deal with. He was surprised Oikawa had put up with him for as long as he did.
Iwaizumi couldn’t survive without Oikawa though. Oikawa was like a ray of light in his life, the only person who could ever stand to be around him. His parents certainly didn’t, and he could tell the rest of the team just hung out with him because he was with Oikawa.
Iwaizumi was like a dark cloud that hung over the others. He wasn’t good at volleyball without Oikawa, and he was a sore excuse for a vice captain.
Iwaizumi pushed himself harder and harder at volleyball. He had to stay strong and fit. He hit serve after serve after serve over the net. He had to make every single one.
“Hey beautiful.” Oikawa said walking towards where Iwaizumi was.
“Hey.” Feeling infinitesimally times lighter, now that Oikawa was around.
“You should come over later.” Oikawa raised his eyebrows, smirking.
“Sure.” Whatever it took for Oikawa to be happy.
XXX
Iwaizumi told Oikawa he had to stay late in order to meet with one of his teachers, but really he did some extra conditioning. Oikawa would have gotten mad at Iwaizumi if he found out, always about making sure the team didn’t overdo it and hurt themselves.
Afterwards he spent a good fifteen minutes staring at himself in the locker room mirror. Was his muscle mass decreasing? Dread pooled in his chest, he had to work harder.
Frustrated, Iwaizumi left on his bike for home.
XXX
When he arrived he was met with a common occurrence, his parents both sprawled across the sofa, watching reality t.v., beer cans scattered across the floor.
“Where the hell were you?” Iwaizumi’s mom grumbled from the couch.
“Volleyball.” Iwaizumi mumbled back, immediately heading to his room, ignoring the yells which followed him.
He slammed the door collapsing on his bed. He was so lazy, just lying around. It was no wonder no one liked him. Iwaizumi pulled out his phone and checked his texts.
Tooru
Iwachannnn ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
r u coming over?
You
yes b there soon
XXX
Iwaizumi quickly changed out of his gym clothes, throwing on a hoodie and sweatpants. He tried to go back out of the house as quietly as possible, but his father was waiting for him at the end of the hallway.
“We need more beer.” the man slurred.
“I don’t have any money or an I.D.”
“Do I look like I fucking care. Get us beer now or you’ll be fucking sorry.” his volume began to rise, and his face was even redder than it was before.
“Yeah, yeah okay.”
XXX
Tooru
Hurrrrryyyyy Hajimeeeee
Iwaizumi would get the beer somehow on the way back. Oikawa was waiting.
Iwaizumi biked a few blocks over, to a very different part of town. The houses were practically mansions compared to where he lived.
It had been an unspoken rule between the two that they hung out at Oikawa’s. Never Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa didn’t question it, he was so understanding like that.
He parked his bike in the Oikawas’ backyard, and opened the door. He loved the Oikawas’. There was so much energy, and light. Everyone was always laughing and talking. Like a fucking disney show.
Oikawa would be disgusted if he knew how jealous Iwaizumi was of him. How desperately he wanted what Oikawa took for granted.
“Hajime!” multiple voices chimed.
“Are you staying for dinner sweetie?” Oikawa’s mom asked.
“He is Mom!” Oikawa said, grabbing his arm and pulling him upstairs to his room.
XXX
“You’re so beautiful Iwa-chan.” Oikawa grinned, clawing him into a hug.
“That’s why you keep me around!” Iwaizumi joked, secretly hoping Oikawa would deny the painful truth.
“Ugh, you caught me.” Iwaizumi already knew that.
Oikawa rolled on top of him, starting to kiss him.
“Is this okay?” He asked for probably the billionth time in their relationship.
“Yes.” Of course it was okay, whatever it took for Oikawa to keep him around.
XXX
As he walked back into the house, giddy and lovesick, Iwaizumi quickly realized he forgot the beer.
His father realized that quickly too.
“Stupid boy.” He pushed Iwaizumi back into the wall. “You had one job. WHERE’S MY BEER?”
The question was followed by a kick to Iwaizumi’s stomach, and a slap across the face.
“I bet you were hanging out with your pansy boyfriend.” his father said with a sick smile painted on his face.
“Don’t talk about him like that.” Iwaizumi coughed out, glaring.
“Why do you defend him boy, he’s just going to break up with you.” He kicked him again. “No one actually wants to keep you around you piece of shit. You’re lucky your mom doesn’t want to kick you out.”
“Go to your room. Fucking ruined my night.”
Iwaizumi limped back to his room, collapsing on his bed once again.
XXX
When he woke up the next day and saw himself in the mirror he nearly cried. His eye was swollen, and bruises littered the side of his face.
Fuck.
He looked so ugly.
What about Oikawa?
XXX
Iwaizumi did his best to cover up the bruises but the others quickly noticed. He said he fell down the stairs.
Practice hurt. He knew the others could tell he was off, giving him looks when he messed up. He didn’t want to bring the team down, so he pushed harder, ignoring the aching of his ribs.
He told Oikawa he couldn’t hang out that night. He had too much homework.
He doubted Oikawa wanted to hang out with him like this anyway.
He did his extra conditioning, despite how heavy he was feeling.
He got home and his parents were passed out on the couch.
He skipped dinner.
XXX
This was Iwaizumis routine the next few days. It felt like his bones were filled with water, weighing him down whenever he tried to do anything.
Coach sat him out asking what was going on, and he just said he was tired.
His dad had gone on a trip with some of his friends. He was able to avoid his wrath, and finally the bruises began to fade.
XXX
“Shittykawa lets hang out.” Iwaizumi offered.
Oikawa’s eyes lit up, and he jumped up and down like a dumbass.
The two went to his house afterschool, Oikawa’s parents were excited to see Iwaizumi as well.
When they both lay on Oikawa’s bed Iwaizumi immediately rolled over to kiss Oikawa.
“Woah, woah, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa backed up. “Don’t you want to talk? You’ve been busy for a week, and I haven’t been able to talk to you.”
Oikawa wanted to talk? They hadn’t seen each other in a week, did Oikawa not want him anymore? Was that amount of time enough?
He must’ve looked so ugly, because Oikawa winced at his face when he came onto him.
“Are you breaking up with me?” the words slipped out of Iwaizumi’s mouth.
“Breaking up with you? What the fuck are you talking about Hajime, you’re the one who’s been avoiding me for a week. If anyone’s breaking up with anyone it's you.”
“You want me to break up with you.” Iwaizumi’s eyes felt blurry.
“C’mon Iwaizumi, you know what I want.” Iwaizumi’s heart felt like it shattered.
He grabbed his bag, ran down the Oikawas’ stairs, and went out the door choking back sobs.
XXX
When he got home he looked in the mirror for a good thirty minutes. He had gotten fatter, and less toned. He had bags under his eyes, and his skin was red and blotchy from crying.
Fuck no wonder Oikawa wanted to break up. He was so so ugly.
He did extra conditioning before he went to bed.
XXX
Iwaizumi barely made it through school the next day, and by the time he got to practice he felt like he was going to die. Oikawa stared at him from afar.
As he spiked the ball each play, it felt like his mind was swimming faster and faster, yet his body was moving slower and slower.
He felt cloudy like he was slowly leaving the court. His whole body relaxed and he fell to the floor.
When his mind came back to his body, Iwaizumi saw that Hanamaki, Matsukawa, Oikawa, and his Coach were all standing around him, while the first and second years were on the other side of the gym staring.
“Iwaizumi you fainted.” His coach said crouching down to his level. “Did you drink enough water today? When’s the last time you ate.”
Fuck. Iwaizumi was so needy. Everyone had to stop cause he couldn’t keep his shit together.
“I’m all good coach, I probably need to drink more. Sorry for worrying you, I’ll go home now.” Iwaizumi said, pushing himself up with his hands slowly.
“I’ll go with him, bye Coach.” Iwaizumi whipped his head to see it was Oikawa who offered.
“You don’t have t–”
“What if you pass out again?” Brown eyes stared directly into his, none of their usual shine in them.
XXX
After stopping by the vending machine to grab some milk the two boys headed off walking home.
“This is my turn, shitty-kawa, see you.” Iwaizumi said, quickly heading off.
“Like hell it is. Come back right now.” Iwaizumi obeyed, and Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm and pulled him in the direction of his house.
When they got to the Oikawas’, Oikawa dragged Iwaizumi to the kitchen.
“Sit.” Oikawa ordered, pointing to their island stools.
Iwaizumi sat there, thinking of an excuse to leave, but had none. Oikawa placed two bowls in front of him, one of rice, and the other miso soup.
“Eat it.”
“I’m not super hungr–”
“I know you drank enough water Hajime, you’re always on my case about hydration.”
Iwaizumi looked down at his hands, and began to eat the food.
He was getting so fat. How could he say no and waste all the time and effort Oikawa had put into him. He was such a pig. The food was such a waste on him. How could Oikawa have ever thought he was beautiful.
“Hajime–” Oikawa’s eyes looked glossy. “Iwa-chan, why are you crying?”
Iwaizumi lifted his hand to his cheek and felt tears he didn’t know were there. That only made him want to cry more.
He brought a hand to his mouth, to try and suppress the sobs which were coming. Iwaizumi put both hands over his face. He couldn’t let Oikawa see him cry. He never was a pretty crier.
His crying quickly stopped. He was good at stopping crying, a skill he had developed with time.
He picked up his chopsticks, and finished the rest of the food in front of him.
Oikawa was still in front of him staring at him like an alien.
“When–” Oikawa’s voice cut off. “When did you get so sad Iwa-chan?”
“I’m not sad I promise, I don’t know what came over me. I’m happy, I swear. Just–just, I know you broke up with me, but can we please keep being friends.” Iwaizumi choked out.
“No, you’re not happy. How did I not see how sad you were, you’re really not happy Iwaizumi. Why have you been hiding this from me? You’re so sad and I didn’t know.” Oikawa gripped Iwaizumi into a hug, his hand combing through his hair at the same time.
Iwaizumi's so called skill didn’t pull through, and he started to cry once again, uglier than ever.
“I want to be pretty for you shitty-kawa. I’m ugly when I’m sad.” Iwaizumi said, muffled into Oikawa’s sweater. “I know you don’t want to deal with all of this. It’s too much.”
“Why–why would you think that? What the fuck Hajime. Who the fuck do you think I am. It is too much. Too much for just you. Why don’t you share your feelings asshole?”
Oikawa slowly pulled away from Iwaizumi, pulling his hands into his hair, as if he were thinking really hard.
“You’re going to take a shower, then a nap, and then once you’re not on the brink of collapse we’re going to talk about all of this. Ok?” It clearly wasn’t an actual question to Oikawa.
The two headed upstairs to the bathroom, and Oikawa ran the water until it got hot.
“I’m staying here in case you faint again.”
“You can’t look at me.” Iwaizumi whispered.
“I won’t think you’re ugly baka, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
“...Okay.”
Iwaizumi pulled off his sweaty uniform top and Oikawa let out a gasp. Iwaizumi followed his eyes down to his own torso, and he remembered it was still covered in angry bruises.
“We are going to talk about this.” Oikawa said, voice cracking.
Iwaizumi took a shower, changing into Oikawa's too-big clothes afterwards. Then Oikawa guided him to his bed, tucking the covers over him like he was a child. Iwaizumi passed out almost immediately. That never happened at his house.
XXX
When Iwaizumi woke up it was dark out and hushed voices floated up from downstairs.
Oikawa’s older sister peeked in the door from the hall.
“Iwaizumi-kun you’re awake.” She said.
Footsteps immediately came running up the stairs, and Oikawa stopped at the entrance to his room.
Iwaizumi felt really hot all of a sudden. The embarrassment of before came rushing back to him.
“Um, my mom wants to talk to you.” He said.
Iwaizumi, followed Oikawa down the stairs to his mom who sat on their sofa with two mugs of tea.
“Go upstairs Tooru.” She ordered.
“Wha–but I want to talk wi–”
“Upstairs now, Iwaizumi and I are going to talk alone.”
Oikawa pouted, walking back up the stairs in a huff.
Shit. Oikawa’s mom had always been nice to him, but what if she was mad. He had just screamed at her son and ran out of the house not more than twenty-four hours ago. Oikawa’s mom was so sweet though. Would she kick him out? He didn’t want to go home yet. He was too tired for that.
“Hajime come sit with me. Have some tea.”
“Yes Oikawa-san.” Hajime said, taking a seat next to her.
“No need to be so polite honey, call me Auntie please. I’ve known you nearly as long as I’ve known my own son.” Oikawa’s mom gave him a smile. “Now. Let’s be honest with each other, okay?”
Iwaizumi nodded.
“You gave my Tooru a big scare, you know.”
“Sorry.”
“No apologies. He loves you more than you could ever imagine, ever since he was little. I’ll let you talk to him about that though.” She took a sip of the tea that lie in front of both of them.
“Tooru said you had bruises all over your body. And that this isn’t the first occurrence of this.”
Iwaizumi nodded again.
“Are you being bullied.”
“No.” Oikawa’s mom took a deep breath in.
“Is it–is it your parents Hajime?”
Iwaizumi looked down at his tea. One singular tea leaf floated at the top.
“Both of them?”
“My mom just watches him.”
“I see.”
“I’LL FUCKING KILL THEM BOTH.” a roar came from the stairs.
“Tooru! I told you this was a private conversation, respect Hajime’s privacy!”
“No way! He’s staying with us now, Okaasan.”
“Well yes Tooru, that’s a given, but there will be no murder under my roof.”
“No fair!”
“I can stay here?” Iwaizumi asked quietly.
“Of course you can Iwa-chan, no way you're going back to those fuckers.”
“Language Tooru! But yes Iwaizumi, you will stay here, it’s not up for debate.”
A choked sound came from the ace as he tried to hold back his never ending tears.
Oikawa’s mom wrapped her arms around the boy, rubbing his back. It was probably the best hug Iwaizumi ever had, not that he’d ever tell Oikawa that.
“I’m sorry we didn’t notice this earlier Hajime. They don’t deserve you, you know don’t you.”
“They don’t–They don’t love me Auntie.” Iwaizumi whispered. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s their fault not yours.” Oikawa’s mom whispered, her voice sounding wet and raspy.
XXX
Oikawa and Iwaizumi lay on Oikawa’s bed, squished next to each other just enjoying each other's presence.
“I want to talk to you about everything you said, but I know today’s been a lot.” Oikawa whispered into Iwaizumi’s hair.
“It’s okay, you can ask me whatever you want.”
“Yesterday you thought I was breaking up with you. I don’t understand why.”
“I thought maybe the only reason why you kept me around was,” Iwaizumi hesitated, realizing how stupid it sounded out loud, Oikawa was too nice. “Cause like, you thought I was pretty for some reason. But then you didn’t want to have sex, and I thought you finally realized I’m ugly.”
“What did I do that that made you feel like that baka.”
“Nothing, I don’t know. You’re perfect. I just. You know I can be a lot sometimes.”
“No I don’t know. Literally everyone knows you’re the most laid-back guy on the team. Everyone loves you. Even if you were ugly, which you aren’t by the way, it wouldn’t make a difference to me in the slightest.”
“I can’t–you’re wrong you don’t know. I’m bad–I just–I’m ugly, and selfish and just not–good.” Iwaizumi stuttered.
“How could you possibly think that Hajime, it’s just an outright lie. All of it.”
“It’s true though, that’s what he said. That's why they don’t love me. You just, you can’t see it for some reason.”
“You can’t see it Iwa-chan. We all love you, I love you, so so much Hajime. I’ll help you see it though. Everything he said was wrong. He was bad and ugly not you. Okay?”
“...Okay.”