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Troacctid's RuneScape Blog

Summary:

An archive of my old satirical blog posts, originally posted in the Tip.It forums between 2009–2013.

Notes:

Back in the day, when I was an avid RuneScape player, I used to post regularly on a blog on the Tip.It forums. Sometimes it would be reviews or news posts about the latest patch notes, but often I would post satirical in-universe news articles or editorials about current events in the game world based on that week's updates, or just on whatever was on my mind at the time. These posts proved to be quite popular.

It's been over a decade since I retired the blog, and I thought it might be nice to archive the old satirical posts for posterity. So, here they are, mostly intact! Some of the images have been lost to time, but that sort of thing happens on the internet, I guess.

Chapter 1: Druids discover revolutionary new potions!

Notes:

Originally published 8 October 2009.

This entry references the release of extreme potions, which was a big deal for the Herblore skill at the time.

Chapter Text

Famed druidic herblorist Sanfew revealed today the recent discovery of several new potion recipes.

"Well, I was working on a cure for baldness, as usual. I was experimenting with phoenix feathers to stimulate the hair's rebirth, but the heat from the feather kept boiling the water I put it in." said Sanfew. "I had the idea to try an antifire potion as a base, but my young apprentice Jojo mistook it for an ordinary antifire potion and took it with him to the dragon lair south of here to gather dragon scales. I ran down to stop him, and caught up with him on his way back to Taverley without as much as a scorch mark on him!"

Jojo, age 16, had experienced enhanced resistance to dragonfire.

Said Jojo, "Yeah, I forgot my anti-dragon shield, so I borrowed one of Sanfew's antifire, uh, things. I was expecting to get like maybe at most a couple burns, but they were just wailing on me with their fireballs and it like didn't hurt at all. It was pretty sick."

Added Sanfew, "I hadn't explored using completed potions as a base for new potions since inventing my Sanfew Serum cure-all because of the inherent volatility. After all, a completed potion is a beautifully balanced thing. To recklessly disrupt that balance would be an affront to Guthix. These new recipes should only be attempted by very skilled herblorists confident enough to mix the ingredients with care. Under no circumstances should my Extreme Combat Potions be mixed together--the result would be incredibly dangerous."

When asked if he had been successful in his search for a cure for his baldness, Sanfew replied, "Alas, no. The phoenix potion made me grow feathers instead of hair. But I will continue my research."

The new potions, which include a variety of drinks to temporarily boost combat ability, were made available to high-level herblorists yesterday, and because of their volatile nature, the Bank of Runescape has declared them Class-B Untradeable Substances.