Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Getting things straight.

This is not my work and I do not take credit in writing this beautiful story, though I do take carrot in transplanting it form Spanish to English and posting it into this platform

This story was originally posted in Wattpad by

_—CYANIDE—_

Whom allowed me to translate her story from English to Spanish into this platform to share it with y’all (Muriendo de Amor Giyuuoba)

Chapter Text

Today I final got the courage.

For at least once in my lifetime I’ll be a man and I’ll fight for this beautiful feelings which have started to bloom on my chest.

I, Giyuu Tomioka, will put all of my best effort into making you, Obanai Iguro, fall in love with me! 

Of course, all of that ‘excitement’ in my mind sounds more like fear than determination, which means that outside of it I can’t even dare to show any emotion.

I get frightened and proceed to ignore you. 

I prefer seeing you from afar, as if I were a stalker, whom I’m not. I do not follow you, it’s you who crosses my path with your graceful presence.

Sometimes I go out to eat, then I see you, strolling through town with that snake on your shoulders. Sometimes I’m only walking by when I encounter you, watching you from the distance, training alone, I can’t help but think about how handsome and attractive you are.

Oh my god, has anybody ever told you that? I bet someone has.

You never show anything off, always covered by layers and layers of clothing, some of them even too big on your small body, yet you still manage to look completely stunning.

Your hair. 

Your eyes.

Your skin and body.

All do those parts of your being keep me laying awake in those long summer nights.

I still don’t know how you managed to get me to like you that much. Maybe it was that peculiar way of expressing yourself, or that endearing short height or all the mystery aura you give off, all of those things are like a magnet to me, they make me explode just imagining them.

I can hear your voice from all of those meetings,  even if you were only opening your mouth to wish me harm, but, who cares about all that? All those unimportant details? I won’t ever stop liking you, even if you could only ever hate me.

All of those things you say about me could only make me adore you more, I mean, you hate me, I hate myself, that makes us have a lot more in common, am I right? 

No.

Who am I kidding? 

We will never be together. I hate getting so invested in my thoughts to the point of losing in my own internal monologue and fantasies. Such an amazing man as yourself would never bother to look even look at a person as irrelevant as myself. 

A man so incredible and fantastic could only ever look at someone at its same level, someone like her…

Why do you have to like Kanroji?

As much as you’d like it to go unnoticed, you are not fooling anyone, everyone knows your feelings for her, they are almost as big as mines for you, the only difference between both of us is that you actually have a chance with her. 

She talks to you, smiles to you, and appreciates you. 

You ignore me, insult me and do everything in your power to not cross paths with me.

I would like to leave all those thoughts aside, I would like to get close to you, maybe talk to you. Be in your arms and for you to allow me to take in your sweet smell into my nose. 

I could only imagine having the privilege to pull those bandages off, only for you to show me that gorgeous face your hiding. To see you for the first time, without all those pieces of of fabric keeping my eyes from your smile, that would make me die happy.

If you take so much pride in keeping your face from others, I could only imagine the piece of artwork that’s hidden under them. A lovely imagery that you know you mustn’t show off, everyone would be jealous or fall in love with you.

Once again I’m getting lost in thought, I said before I would fight for you, but, against who exactly? 

Against those devastating feelings that make me believe I don’t deserve any better?

Against that horrid perception you’ve maken out of me? 

Or against her? The woman who’s got you so madly in love that you’re able to fight anybody who gets too near her.

I wanna take those feelings off my chest so badly I just wanna scream. I’ve been holding them for years to go, so incapable of announcing them to the word. But I would do it, I’d do it for you. I’d be capable of anything only for you to know how much I love you. 

Well… everything, everything except being by your side.

I’m a coward, the mere idea of standing next to you, seeing you right by arm, with your scrunch up nose and arms crossed, just waiting for the right moment to start insulting me, to then just fly away like nothing happened, that thought leaves me shaking in my boots. 

I want to do it, I want to tell you but not now, I know it would be t stupid to even try. You would kill me.

Well… maybe I could do it without being there.

A letter, a piece of paper in which I say everything I feel and think could be my best bet. 

A white canvas covered in black ink, my heart poured in it. In which I’ll write how I’ve notice small things you surely haven’t. Like how you always bring your hand to your mouth whenever you speak for example. 

Or how you always come to the meeting with tint of delicate perfume, which suits you well.

I might actually be a stalker by how I’m talking about you right now, but I don’t care. It’s not like you have to know every small detail, it’s not my fault that you’re so interesting and that the only thing I want to do is learn more and more about you. 

I’ve maken up my mind! I’m gonna write a letter.

I’ll say everything I feel for you in it.

I can only hope you won’t kill me after receiving it. 

Chapter Text

A letter.

Who could’ve sent it?

Whose could it be?

Could it be Kanroji’s?

I didn’t even bother to place my wooden katana properly as I made my way to my crow with the letter.

It had a stamp with a red heart on it.

It must be hers.

She’s the only one who sends me letters.

My crow wasn’t impressed by my speed, instead he only stayed still flying by my shoulder, seeing me shake and look like a maniac at the letter. I don’t care what he thinks, it’s Kanroji who sent it.

She se-

“Anonymous letter, is not miss Kanroji’s!”

What?

My excitement fell to the ground as I looked at my crow with hate and annoyance, he quickly left flying. I can’t stand him chatting next to me, especially if he is giving me such bad news as this ones.

Anonymous?

But who’s?

“Who could ever bother to send me a letter with a heart stamp on it?”!

Definitely none.

…Well except Kanroji, but she has never sent me something like this.

I got discouraged with that thought, she could never bother with someone like me, which is actually good to a certain point. She deserves the stars and moon yet I could be able to give

to her all she deserves.

I watched the sunset, as the once blue sky state red to get painted with light tones of purple and orange behind the mountains. With the letter in my hand I left whatever I was doing before and made my way inside my state, looking for a more private place to read it.

Kaburamaru adjusted himself in my neck to get a better look but I simply took him off it and allowed him to wander off by the state. I don’t want him to eat the stamp by accident.

I don’t know whose it might be, it might be anonymous but actually be Kanroji’s, I’ve still got hope on it. I carefully took the seal off, as I opened it I started to smell a soft perfume imprinted in it.

It even has perfume?

If this is one Shinazugawa’s pranks I swear I will pluck his eyeballs off.

Satisfied. That’s how I felt, still not knowing whose could it be.

Somebody used some of their time to write this for me.

My stomach started to hurt as a sign of anxiety.

I took the paper off the envelope. It was soft yet resistant, you could tell the quality of it. Whoever sent it even bothered to check that detail.

This surely is just a sick joke. The only ones capable of doing something like this are either Rengoku or Shinazugawa, or maybe both. They both ar enable to waste their time in something like this.

God, I hate them so much.

Completely annoyed I opened the letter just to see how the orthography and the handwritten were perfect. Everything completely straight with a constant and clean handling of the flow’s ink.

I can now rule out those two idiots. Rengoku’s handwriting is everything but clean and Shinazugawa he…. doesn’t even know how to write.

And Kanroji is kind of reckless when it comes to writing. Her letters always contain some kind of ink spot over it. She’s an adorable woman.

Sighting and with my brows furrowed, I open the letter, because even if there wants anybody here, I must look in total disbelief at such stupid prank someone’s trying to pull on me. As I started reading I almost fell on my knees due to the things written on it.

                               •~•

I’m sorry for not being able to say it in front of you, you deserve someone who is able to go and shout it at the world, but that’ completely impossible for a coward as my self to do so.

I’ve been watching you for so long, most of the time I’m not able to take my eye off you for how pretty you are.

As I walk past you, I can always tell you’ve got a tint of a dedicated perfume, and I love that.

I can always tell how worried about how others perceive you, which I believe makes no sense, you are a real beauty just the way you are.

I like it when you walk through the town and I see you by chance.

I like it when you walk around the place and without intending to, I get glance of you while you train.

I even like it when you throw all of your bad energy and critics into the less experimented slayers. That seems so unique and fun, I can’t help but also wanting to do it. I bet it would be fun to yell at someone with you, spend some time together, both of us.

I now this might seem a bit too sudden, you don’t have a good image of me and I have a never done anything to improve it. I just didn’t want to leave this world I without telling you what’s on my heart.

Each night we risk our lives, it’s more likely for you to be more ready than I am. After all you are a hashira, while I ain’t one. That’s why I wanted to tell you, do at least one good thing before I die.

You might not even read this, you are so distrustful and perceptive. You might of guessed it was all a prank and had this letter thrown away.

But for now I will believe you did read it and that now you’re just blushing thanks to me. I will at least grant myself the wish of imagining you completely embarrassed and a total blushing mess due to my word.

Obanai Iguro, I love you. No matter what happens, I will always love you.

                               •~•

Oh, shit.

My face feels warm, it burns, who was the dumbass?

I run towards my bathroom to see my reflection, I’m red. I can feel my lips trembling under my bandages.

This is not a prank. No one could waste that much time in writing me something this detailed. Which means it’s true, someone likes me, someone is in love with me. Someone thinks those things about me.

Everyone says I’m bitter, a haughty dwarf with with anger issues. Now someone comes and tells me, a low ranking slayer which I bet I have made his life miserable , those things feel kind  of nice.

Very unreal but nice.

I left the bathroom and went back to the room were the letter was. I grabbed it and took it to my room to analyze it a bit better.

I looked for things that could give me clues about who could’ve write it, the small space in the papare were there name should have been was blank. There were no clues that could tell me who wrote this.

I want to know.

I want to meet whoever wrote this.

At least out of courtesy, to at least give him a worthy answer.

A worthy no.