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Chapter Text

Dr Drakken strode into the meeting room on the 21 ^st floor to take his place in the leather executive chair at the head of the conference table.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Drakken & Go Ltd!” he addressed his three latest clients. They were representatives from National American Banking, two middle aged men with navy blue suits and a pencil thin woman with a navy blue skirt. The type of well-tailored corporate clients that provided excellent business. Much easier to work with than government funded security agencies with all their pesky budget limitations and red tape.

As was normally the case when Drakken entered a room, there was a short pause as the three representatives took in the blue skin, the scar, the ponytail and the sparkling diamond blue jacket. To complete the picture, Drakken leant back in his chair and swung his feet up onto the table, legs crossed at the ankle, showing off his black and white cow hide boots. CEO and saviour of the world, he still enjoyed his ability to stun a crowd into silence.

Finally, the woman – Ms Whatshername – Drakken never tried to remember client names – stuttered out, “Pleasure to meet you again, Dr Drakken.”

“Yes, pleasure,” chorused the two blue suits.

“Well, enough with the pleasantries.” Drakken picked up the remote on the table with a flourish of showmanship and pressed a button. The panel in the wall behind him slid back to reveal a large screen. Another click of the button and the screen flashed on to show the new green and blue D & G logo. Drakken paused a second to allow the room to admire this, then said, “The last time we met, you claimed that your top security vault, in a top secret, deeply underground location was impregnable.”

Drakken clicked the remote for the screen to display a detailed schematic of the vault. “Or rather you hoped that your top security vault was impregnable.”

One of the suits interrupted him, “Dr Drakken, are those the plans to the vault? Where did you find them? I don’t recall you request ing them.”

Drakken grinned. “Oh, just a little research. It’s amazing what you can find on the internet. Acquiring the plans was the first phase to test your security.”

“Impressive. And concerning,” said the suit.

“Which is exactly Drakken & Go’s USP. Once we had the plans, we progressed to phase 2: to pregnate... the impregnable!”

Drakken paused dramatically... and noticed the blank faces of his audience, including his own employees that sat around the table.

“Pregnate, sir?” asked his senior robotics engineer.

“You know, gah, the opposite of impregnableness!”

Still, his audience looked confused as if he’d spoken Polish. Drakken rubbed a hand over his face. “Ruining my flow,” he muttered. “Look, we broke in and stole the diamond! That was the second phase.”

He clicked the remote again, and the screen moved on to a splitscreen of frozen security feeds.

“We ran phase 2 three days ago. Of course, I think you know the result of our little experiment. Its not the style of our specialist agent to leave no trace. But let’s review the tape, shall we?”

With that, Drakken spun in his chair to face the monitor and clicked the remote once more to play the security feed videos.

“Look to the top left. See that dark shadow in the middle of the screen? Our agent arrived in a hover car and descended via a line onto the roof, therefore easily avoiding all your security around the perimeter.”

“I don’t see it,” said the suit.

“You’ll see the next bit,” replied Drakken, just as a green flash lit the screen. “That was our agent blasting through the vent. Galvanised steel? Haha! May as well be wet newspaper for our agent.”

A little voice in Drakken’s head that sounded a lot like Shego reminded him that client feedback said that he should avoid gloating or evil laughter in these meetings. Well, that little voice should zip it – this was one of his favourite parts of the job.

“Look to the camera feed below. Our agent is progressing down the ventilation system, encountering no resistance. Finally, she leaves the vent to disable the alarm.”

On the video, a woman appeared through a flash of green plasma into the light. Her green and black cat suit showed off every lithe and dangerous curve in her body. Shego glanced left and right, then crossed the room to the alarm, raising one plasma charged finger to melt its circuits, before running into the tunnels leading deeper underground.

Oh, how Drakken enjoyed watching her work.

“And now finally in the tunnels she meets her first resistance... if you can call it that,” said Drakken.

On screen, Shego approached two guards with their backs turned to her, chatting on their night shift. She pounced, leaping into the air and plasma blasting both of them. They fell unconscious to the floor in a heap.

The banking executives winced at the sight.

“There’s always some violence to make the test realistic.” Drakken couldn’t help a grinning leer at that. “But rest assured, Shego is under strict instructions not to cause death or permanent injury to client employees.”

“How can you tell? That blast looked dangerous,” asked the pencil skirt, clearly alarmed.

“Because Shego is the best at what she does. And I’ve observed her work for many years, I can tell the difference between a blast meant to kill and one meant to stun.”

He wasn’t about to admit his personal experience of being on the receiving end of Shego’s plasma blasts. The level of pain depended on how angry she was with him: ranging from a mild “you forgot to make the reservation again!” to a severely painful “how dare you ever put me under mind control!!”. Still, beyond the pain, even a mind control level of fury never caused him serious injury. Though he didn’t doubt for a second she was capable of causing him grievous bodily harm, if she wanted to. He just trusted her not to want to.

Luckily, for the security employees of National American Banking, Shego didn’t come across any more guards on her descent to the vault.

“And now... Shego has reached the final chamber,” said Drakken, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of the finale.

“Guarded by state of the art laser technology,” said the suit.

On the security feed, Shego paused for half a second in front of three laser beams that cut across the chamber, before somersaulting through the middle. She landed cleanly on the other side, right in front of the vault door.

“On the contrary, I think you’ll find better laser security in Smarty Mart,” Drakken quipped.

Shego charged her plasma, green flaring all around her, then lunged forward, releasing the energy in a crackling torrent to blast the vault door right off its hinges.

The executives in the room gasped as the thick metal door flew backwards, slammed into the wall and toppled forward to hit the floor with a clang.

“Now that is a blast that can kill,” Drakken said.

Shego strolled, hips swaying, through the rubble into the vault. The diamond had been knocked from its podium onto the floor in the blast. Shego plucked it from the floor, turned to face the security camera, blew a kiss to her audience, then blasted the camera. The feed cut out. End of the show.

“Well done, Shego…” Drakken said in an undertone. He then turned to his shocked clients, leapt out of his chair, threw his hands up in the air and declared, “You see, fully pregnable!”

The suits still seemed lost for words, so Drakken moved into his pitch, “The good news is there are some very obvious weaknesses in your security.”

“That’s the good news?” the pencil skirt asked.

“Weaknesses that Drakken & Go’s latest technology can fix,” Drakken continued. “Automated robot henchmen, motion seeking laser beams, and that’s only the start. I’m going to talk you through our technological solutions to your specific security needs, then we’ll head into the lab for a personal demonstration.”

One of the suits raised his hand. Drakken never liked interruptions. “We’ll talk costs at the end,” he said firmly.

“I’m not concerned about the costs,” said the suit, “I wanted to ask if we can we hire her? Shego, her name is?”

“No, you cannot hire Shego,” Drakken replied, rolling his eyes. Many clients had asked the same question.

“But…”

“Shego is not for hire,” Drakken repeated. “We’re business partners. Exclusive business partners.”

***

Just as Shego ducked an uppercut from Eric17.0, her phone went off.

She pivoted, got behind the android and swiped her leg round in a low kick that knocked him to the ground. She leapt, somersaulted and aimed to land with both feet into his chest for a hard impact. At the last second, Eric rolled to the right with robotic-enhanced speed. Shego missed and landed cat-like, immediately charging her plasma.

Still the phone rang. Her personalised MC Honey ringtone continuing to play.

Shego was on the offensive. She shot a blast at Eric. He dodged left. She shot another blast. He dodged right. Still the ring tone played.

“Ugh… I’m trying to work here!” Shego growled.

Finally, the ringing stopped. Shego pounced, tackling Eric to the ground. Straddling him, she shot a green blast at his head at point blank range. Eric’s pretty face was pulverised into orange goo, his android body twitching before deactivating with a depressurising, pneumatic groan .

“That’s a new record, Ms Go!” a scientist from the balcony above called out excitedly, “Eric17.0 survived 4 minutes and 13 seconds!”

“Yeah, not even 5 minutes. Huge success,” Shego called back, flicking a glob of orange from her shoulder.

The scientist chose wisely not to reply, instead calling in the clean up team to take the remains of Eric17.0 back to the lab.

Her job done, Shego sauntered over to her corner of the training room and stretched out on her lounger. As she settled in the chair with a stretch, her PA, Franz, dressed in an immaculate suit with coiffured blonde locks and horn rimmed glasses, trotted to her side to serve her a bottle of sparkling water, a tropical smoothie and a triple berry yoghurt bowl.

“Ms Go, Dr Brown has sent over the revised proposal on the mind control serum,” Franz informed her as he decanted the sparkling water into a glass.

“Revised proposal?”

“Yes, following Dr Drakken’s instructions. There’s a meeting at 3 to discuss it.”

Shego rolled her eyes. “Ugh, he just can’t leave mind control alone. Fine, I’ll waste my time reading it.”

“Is there anything you need until then, Ms Go?”

“Yes, make an appointment with Midas for 4pm.”

“Straight after the mind control meeting?”

“I’m going to need it to relax after an argument.”

“OK, I’ll arrange that, Ms. Anything else?”

“Yes, don’t disturb me until then. That’ll be all, Franz.”

“Thank you, Ms Go.”

Her PA dismissed, Shego took a sip of her tropical smoothie and reached for her phone. One glance at the lock screen caused Shego’s irritation level to spike. The missed call was from Hego. And not just one missed call, three missed calls fifty minutes apart.

It had been months since she’d spoken to Hego. Shortly after the whole “saving the world” deal, she’d gone out to dinner with her brothers and regretted it. She didn’t know why she’d agreed to spend the evening with them. Something about the planet almost being enslaved by an alien invasion making people do stupid and sentimental things in the aftermath, probably. Anyway, Hego spent most of the evening trying to persuade her to rejoin Team Go, Mego spent it complaining that his heroics in saving the world were completely ignored and the Wegos almost got kicked out for fighting over the last chocolate brownie. All of it reminded Shego exactly why she had spent the past ten years avoiding contact with her brothers.

After that, the only time Hego had rung her was to complain about the name “Drakken & Go”. It damaged Team Go’s branding image to be associated with a villain, argued Hego, even if Drakken was an ex-villain.

Shego had told him exactly where he could go stick Team Go’s branding image before hanging up.

After that, no contact.

Until now.

Shego swiped away the missed call notifications. She wasn’t going to deal with Hego’s nonsense right now. Not while she was trying to relax.

She took another sip from the smoothie. Her phone showed notifications from Drakken as well, which she tapped on to read.

Dr D. 10:33am

just out of the NAB meeting! you were brilliant!

Shego smiled at that and the heart eyes emoji he’d put on the end of it. Then, suddenly aware of herself and the risk of credibility damaging, mushy facial expressions, she quickly frowned and checked that no-one was around to see.

Coast clear, she typed back.

Shego 11:02am

Thanks.

She thought about adding some sort of heart emoji thing to that, but one look at the cutesy yellow faces turned her off. Words were enough.

Shego 11:03am

Did they like the new logo?

Drakken’s reply appeared instantly.

Dr D 11:03am

they loved it!

Shego 11:04am

No confusion with Dolce & Gabbana?

Dr D 11:05am

nada! like i said serious corprote clients don’t read fashion magazines

Shego 11:05am

Corprote clients?

Dr D 11:05am

corprate?

Shego 11:05am

Corporate

They’d disagreed over the new logo when Drakken had first unveiled his concept for the new branding. Dr D’s own style choices were unique at best and fashion blind at worst , so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that he was oblivious to D&G as an iconic luxury brand.

He’d argued that one handbag company can’t own two letters of the alphabet, and besides the type face and colouring was completely different. She’d argued that the whole point of this enterprise was to create something new, not to steal stuff and end in a lawsuit immediately. In the end, she’d let him have it his way. She did like the reference to her name in the branding. His name, too.

Her phone pinged as another message came through.

Dr D 11:07am

btw is pregnate a word?

Shego rolled her eyes before typing back.

Shego 11:08 am

No, pregnate is not a word. Why?

Dr D 11:08am

but impregnate is a word?

Shego 11:09am

Yes. Should I be concerned why you’re asking me this?

The three dots of Drakken typing appeared, disappeared and reappeared.

Dr D 11:10am

how can something be IMpregnated but not also pregnated?? its the opposite state of the other it makes no sense

OK what?

Her mind immediately flashed to her birth control – an implant not due to come out for another year, Shego took no chances on unplanned pregnancies – and some hideous test tube baby experiment that Drakken could have cooking in the lab.

Any feeling of relaxation gone, Shego shot back a message.

Shego 11:11am

You’re the one not making sense.

The three dots of Drakken typing immediately reappeared. Shego ignored them and rapidly typed on.

Shego 11:11am

What are you trying to impregnate? And it better not be a who.

Shego 11:11am

I know Mama Lipsky wants grand kids, but I told you my views on the subject.

Shego 11:11am

If you’ve been growing Franken test tube kids that have anything to do with my genes, I’ll murder you

When she got the last message out, she realised Drakken had stopped typing.

Ten seconds passed for her to seethe in irritation and then her phone began to ring with Drakken’s name flashing on the screen.

She answered it and bit out “Yes?” down the line.

“Shego?” his voice sounded plaintive. “I think there’s been another of those misunderstandings.”

***

Back at the lair that night - well, the kitchen of their home really, world saving CEO’s didn’t have lairs - Drakken cleared the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher. One new client signed, only two arguments with Shego and a delicious lasagna recipe he would definitely make again – it had been a very good day.

It had long been established in their living arrangements, even in their villain and side kick days, that the kitchen was Drakken’s domain. For her many talents, Shego could barely make an omelette. She was clueless about seasoning, didn’t know a wok from a frying pan and baking mixture seemed to combust whenever she came near. It was tastier and safer for everyone if she stayed well away from the kitchen. Besides, he enjoyed cooking for her and took every opportunity to show off his chef skillz yo.

Kitchen tidied, Drakken walked down the corridor of their expansive four bedroom house. The kind of house a successful entrepreneur would own: modern with on-trend minimalist décor, a home gym, sauna and basement laboratory. He’d insisted on the lab as critical to his creative process, she on the gym and sauna – actually he rather liked the sauna too, but sometimes he found it was good with Shego to pretend to concede on things.

He reached their living room and lingered in the doorway for a moment. Shego was already relaxing, her back to him, reclined on the sofa and flipping through a magazine.

He could go down to the lab to work, that’s what he would have done in the old days. True, nowadays he was more a visionary, using his genius talents and corporate flair to direct others in science and rake in the profit. At Drakken & Go, he had employees to do the research and development phases for him and all the tedious recording of experiments and academic paperwork that came along with it. But still, there was lots to do if he wanted.

But now that he and Shego were together... he found there were other things he wanted more.

He had one more second to admire her from the doorway, before, “I can tell that you’re watching me.”

Ngh. Never a break.

“I wasn’t watching, I was entering,” he grumbled, moving from the doorway to sit next to her on the sofa.

“Sure,” Shego said, her eyes never leaving the magazine. She flipped another page.

Drakken turned to her. “Are you reading?”

“Doy. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Fine, there’s no need for the sass, Shego,” he said, crossing his arms and stubbornly looking straight ahead.

Slowly though, barely turning his head, he let his eyes slide back to Shego. She had changed out of her black and green cat suit into her pyjamas for the night, dark green flowing bottoms and a white tank top. Her arms were bare, showing off her olive skin. Drakken began to let his eyes trace along her wrists to her forearms, her lean biceps. Because why not? He could look if he wanted to. That was the point of this arrangement. He had just reached her shoulder – gulp – when he felt a slither creep up his spine.

He knew well what that sensation meant.

Drakken clapped his hand over the back of his neck to stop Flower making a scene.

“Ngh! I can do it myself, stupid weed!”

“What are you doing?” Shego asked as she finally looked up from the magazine.

“Uh…”

One moment of hesitation and Flower slunk through his fingers, the vine creeping towards Shego to rub his petals down the skin of her arm.

Drakken could feel the sensation of Shego’s warm skin through those petals. He cleared his throat, “Nothing, Flower is being a nuisance, that’s all.”

Shego smiled at the contact from Flower and run her fingers along the vine and back, and oh that felt very, very good.

“Funny that vine of yours has more game with the ladies than you.”

“I’ve got game, Shego, and you know it.”

“Hmmmm… haven’t seen it.”

Rising to the challenge, Drakken swatted Flower out of the way, put his arms around Shego to draw her closer and kissed her full on the mouth.

Never taken by surprise, he felt Shego’s arms encircle his shoulders, one hand combing through his hair to free the pony tail. Finally, Drakken broke the kiss. “There, you see?”

Drakken had half a second to take in the predatory expression on Shego’s face, before she pounced, easily pushing him onto his back on the sofa.

“Mmmf,” said Drakken, his arms full of Shego.

She straddled his hips with her thighs, rising above him like a sleek and deadly panther, claws firmly pinning down his chest, about to go for the kill.

He would never admit it, but it excited him no end when she took control like this. Oh who was he kidding, he didn’t have to admit it, she knew.

Slowly, as if savouring her conquest, she smoothed her hands over his chest and round to his shoulders and lowered her head to kiss him. Sensually. Languidly. All soft lips and teasing tongue.

Before Shego, Drakken couldn’t say he’d conducted much field research when it came to female sexuality. Theoretical studies, yes. Practical studies, not so much. With Shego though, he’d soon discovered she had many moods when it came to sex. Sometimes she liked it rough, fast and hard, over quickly and zero cuddling. Other times she liked to lay back, relax and let him pleasure her. Most of all though, she liked to tease him mercilessly.

Thoughts of their previous experiences swirling through his brain and exciting his body, he tried to kiss her back hard. Immediately, she broke the kiss, sitting back up out of reach of his lips.

“No,” she said.

“No?”

“No.” she repeated. “You’re rushing.”

“Shego...” Drakken whined, dropping his head back to the sofa in frustration.

“No rushing.”

“I’m not rushing.”

“I can feel that you’re rushing.” Shego rolled her hips down into him.

Drakken groaned. “Well, that’s just what you do to me. I can’t help that.”

She seemed to like that response as she leant down to kiss him again, slow and sensual as before. This time Drakken made the effort to stay at her pace, letting her kiss him how she wanted, his hands flexing along her thighs.

After a bite of his bottom lip, Shego broke the kiss to start unbuttoning his shirt. Finally, they were getting somewhere, thought Drakken, as he struggled to restrain himself from rushing as Shego slipped her hands along the skin of his chest and stomach.

Around the fourth button, which she undid after a long exploration of his pectorals, Drakken knew she was dragging this out to torment him.

“Shego…”

She smirked up at him. “Say the words.”

He blurted out, “I love you.” He couldn’t help it, it was her evil expression.

“No. And mood killer, much?” She scraped her nails down his chest.

“Ngh, I’m not saying it.”

“You know you want to.”

“No.”

She began to tease the skin of his naval, her fingers dipping below the waist band of his pants, and oh god he wanted to thrust up into her.

“Shego, please…”

“Please, what?”

Drakken sighed dramatically.

“Please… Supreme one.”

Shego’s smirk widened to a chesire cat grin.

“Good boy.”

And just as she moved to undo the button on his pants, for Drakken to enjoy a happy ending befitting the saviour of the world, a familiar voice sounded to the side of the sofa to ruin it all.

“Supreme one? And you say I have an ego...”

In a glow of purple, a lanky man stretched to full size in the middle of their living room.

Shego’s plasma flared in fury.

“MEGO!”

Chapter Text

“MEGO!”

Embarrassment transforming to blind rage in a split second, Shego shot a crackling ball of plasma right at Mego’s smug face.

With a shriek Mego shrunk back down to dodge the blast. The green plasma shot over his head to shatter the 77 inch TV, mounted on the living room wall, into a million high definition pieces.

“Shego!” whined Drakken, still pinned between her thighs, “That was brand new!”

“Buy another one!” she shot back, leaping off the sofa. “Mego! What are you doing here, you creep! You’re intruding in my private home! Emphasis on private!”

Mego sprouted up on the other side of the sofa. “Sheesh, take a chill pill, sis.”

“Wrong thing to say,” sighed Drakken as Shego shot another ball of plasma at Mego, this time taking out Mrs Lipsky’s house warming flower vase. OK maybe she’d aimed for that yellow monstrosity just a little bit…

Mego enlarged again, but this time crouched behind the arm of the sofa for cover. “Look, I’m just as sorry I walked in on that as you are, but-”

“Walked in!?” raged Shego, “What are you doing creeping around our house?”

Mego shrunk under another torrent of plasma aimed his way. “Maybe if you stopped trying to blast me for two seconds I could explain!”

Shego advanced two threatening steps towards him, fists glowing, ready to strike. “This better be good, Mego, or-”

“It’s good. Well, bad. The Wegos have been kidnapped.”

Shego lowered her glow.

“So? You’re a hero. Go rescue them.”

“I wouldn’t be here if it was that easy, believe me,”drawled Mego. “The only thing we know is that the kidnapper isn’t from Go City.”

“Well, it wasn’t me,” interjected Drakken, still sitting on the sofa and buttoning up his shirt. Shego was low-key irritated that Drakken didn’t seem to find this situation half as humiliating as she did.

“I didn’t say it was,” replied Mego. “You’re not that evil.”

“Not that evil?” sputtered Drakken, finally getting riled up. “Excuse me, I can be very evil! Don’t you know who I am?”

“Er… that weird, blue guy Shego runs around with?”

“Weird, blue- gah! I’m Dr Drakken! Mad scientist who nearly took over the world on multiple occasions? I may have had a career change, but I’ve still got it you know!”

Shego rolled her eyes. “Funny, you didn’t care about not being evil when you were winning all those awards for saving the world.”

“Shego, that’s not-”

“Helping?” said Shego. “No, its not. Look, Mego, what do you want? Because if it’s our help finding the Wegos, then-”

“Oh no, I’m not asking for your help,” said Mego with a flick of his hair.

“Then why are you-”

“Hego is the one asking for help.”

Shego resisted a cringe. If there was one thing worse than Mego walking in on her and Dr D, it would be Hego walking in on them.

“And where is Hego?”

Mego smirked. “Outside. He’s a little tied up at the moment.”

***

In the front garden, they found Hego seized by Drakken’s mutant plants, dangling dejectedly off the ground and wrapped neck to ankle in vines.

“Intruding on someone’s home? Not very hero like, Hego.”

“Sister! I demand you get these… Plants? Off of me immediately.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you’re in a position to demand anything right now,” replied Shego.

Hego glowed blue as he renewed the struggle against the vines to no avail.

Mego looked on smugly. “See Hego, shrinking is better than super strength.”

“Plant powers are better than super strength,” said Drakken. “We can put that in the promo.”

“As your leader-”

“You’re not ‘my leader’, Hego. Get that straight or you’re never coming down from there,” said Shego.

Drakken muttered in her ear, “These heroes, so bossy and its always all about them.”

“This is a family emergency!” declared Hego. “Every second we waste leaves the Wegos in the clutches of unspeakable evil. Who knows what torture they’re having to endure as we speak.”

Tempting as it was to leave Hego there overnight, for all his self-righteousness, Shego knew he was right - they didn’t have time to waste. “Ugh, fine. Dr D?”

At the nod from Shego, Drakken commanded, “Vines, release him.”

Instantly, the vines unwrapped themselves from Hego to drop him onto the lawn.

“Thank you,” said Hego, dusting himself off. “What were those things?”

As ever, Drakken was happy to show-off his creations. “Genetically modified plant based security. My own invention. You’ll have heard of me, Dr Drakken? Former evil genius and current CEO of Drakken & Go enterprises.”

“Yes, I have heard of you. The villain who saved the world.” The disdainful tone in Hego’s voice was lost on Drakken, who visibly preened at the recognition. “And what are you doing in my sister’s home so late at night?”

Drakken choked, “I… er...”

Mego snickered in the background.

“Are you working?” Hego pressed.

Shego stepped in with sarcasm. “Working late in pyjamas. Yeah. That makes sense.”

“Forgive me for trying to find another explanation other then… then...”

“Kissing up to the boss?” supplied Mego.

“I’m not-ugh! Look, he’s my boyfriend, alright?” She shot a glance at Drakken who grinned as he always did as soon as she said the B-word. “And you, don’t look so smug.”

Drakken gave a self-satisfied, “I’ll look smug if I want to” shrug.

“Your boyfriend?” repeated Hego. “Who you live with?”

“Pfft… I’ve put up with living with him for years,” replied Shego. “Nothing new there.”

That wiped the grin off Drakken’s face. “Shego, some of its new.”

“Yeah, the mutant plant life is a new feature,” Shego deflected. “That’s mixed things up a bit.”

“Sis, don’t you think this is taking your fascination with evil too far?” said Hego.

Shego’s eyes narrowed. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Only that, as your family, we’d want you to settle down with a good, kind, decent man. One capable of loving and caring for you.”

Anger rising, Shego’s fists ignited ready to blast Hego through the wall and across the street, but next to her Drakken doubled over laughing.

“I see, is the idea of a loving, healthy relationship somehow amusing to you?” Hego asked.

Drakken was almost wiping away tears of laughter. “Oh Shego, it’s like they don’t know you at all!”

Somehow Dr D laughing at Hego calmed her need to react with an outburst of violence.

Instead, she said, “Let me be crystal clear, Hego. I have zero interest in ‘settling down’ with anyone you would consider ‘good’. So, can it. Mego said you wanted my help to find the Wegos? Tell me what you know about the kidnapper, before I change my mind and let the vines strangle you. Like I would prefer to be doing.”

“Ok sis, no need for the threats,” replied Hego.

Shego growled, her plasma beginning to flare.

“OK OK, let’s talk about the kidnapping!” Hego took a step back, motioning with his hands as if trying to get Shego to lower a gun. “We’ve got a video of it to show you. It’s not one of the usual suspects from Go City, but with your… villain expertise we thought you might be able to identify the kidnapper.” Hego hesitated before adding, “And Dr Drakken, as a reformed villain, we could use your insight too.”

Shego glanced at Drakken, then back at her brothers. “Give us a moment, please.”

Before Hego could say another word, Shego hauled Drakken away by the shoulders. Once they were out of earshot of her brothers, she turned to him and said, “Look, I’m sorry about this.”

“About what?” asked Drakken. “Manhandling me away? Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“No, doofus. About my stupid brothers.”

“Oh. Yes, they are annoying. But you’re not the only one with annoying family members. Or do I need to remind you of Cousin Eddie?”

“Seriously?” she played along.

“Indeed, seriously.”

They smiled at each other.

“What I mean is you don’t have to get involved,” said Shego. “I don’t want to be involved, but I also don’t want the Wegos getting killed because Hego and Mego only have one brain cell between them. So, I’m stuck here.”

Shego caught Drakken’s smirk. “Don’t. Say. It.” She ground out between gritted teeth.

“… You’re going soft.”

“I am not going soft!”

“Like a marshmallow.”

“Ugh! If I am, it’s your fault! All those Snowman Hank rewatches...”

“Shego, they’re your family and families stick together. Even if they are obnoxious do-gooders. Unfortunately, not everyone can be an evil family, like we are.”

Drakken had began referring to the two of them as an “evil family” back in the old days, when their relationship was closer than colleagues, stranger than friends, and apart form the occasional invasion of personal space, strictly, strictly platonic. For someone that claimed to be evil, Dr D had a sentimental streak a mile wide. Obviously, she’d blasted him the first time he’d suggested it, but over time, as they got closer and closer, she’d slowly grown accustomed to the idea, until finally she trusted both him and this idea of them as family.

“We choose to stick together, though,” said Shego. “That’s the difference.”

“Which is exactly why I’ll choose to stick with you as you choose to begrudgingly help your brothers not get killed.”

He tentatively squeezed Shego’s hand. “If you’ll let me.”

Shego had many walls that Drakken had managed, probably obliviously as he often was, to sneak around over the years. Her brothers, the strongest connection to her past self, were one of the last standing and tallest walls. She had only partially let him glance behind that wall before, when he literally busted his way in with a giant robot on the whole Aviarius incident.

But they’d come a long way since then.

She took a deep breath.

“OK,” she said finally. “But don’t mess it up.”

“When would I ever? Actually don’t answer that.”

She momentarily rested her forehead against his, then turned back to her brothers.

“Let’s see the video then.”

***

Shego and Drakken said the name in unison: “Dementor!”

“Who?”

“Professor Dementor,” said Drakken, looking up from the screen in their home laboratory. “The purple uniforms, the Henchco enhancements, the technological show-off-ness of the whole kidnap, without a doubt its him.”

“So, we have the identity of the kidnapper, now all we need is a location,” mused Hego. “Do you know where can we find this professor?”

“Oh yeah, like we just happen to know where all the super villains live,” retorted Shego.

“Do you?”

“I’ve got his mobile number, I’ll call him,” said Drakken.

“Call him and say what?” asked Shego. “That you want his address to send him a postcard?”

Drakken as always wasn’t phased by the sarcasm. “I’ll charm him into giving up his location!”

“Yeah, that’s not going to work.”

“And why not? I’ll have you know I can be very charming.” Drakken smoothed a hand through his hair as if to demonstrate... Shego didn’t know what.

“Look your sweet talking, momma’s boy routine isn’t going to work on Dementor.”

“Shego, I am not a-Ngh! I charmed you didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I’d use the word annoyed rather than charmed.”

“Gah! Well, all your lip isn’t exactly charming either.”

“News flash, I’m not trying to be.”

“Shego, Dr Drakken, remember, we need to work as a team here,” urged Hego in his best leadership voice.

“This is us working as a team,” Shego shot back.

“Sounds more like arguing,” said Mego.

“He comes up with ideas, I shoot down the stupid ones until we get to something workable.”

“OK… how did you two save the world again?” snarked Mego.

Shego made to hurl plasma at Mego, but Drakken missed his little jibe and said, “Through one of my genius plans! I can charm Dementor, Shego, because I know his weakness. The man has an ego a mile wide.”

“Takes one to know one,” she muttered.

“I’ll ask him for his help in improving my hypollinator. He won’t be able to resist the chance!”

“Reaching out to the enemy is always a good plan,” said Hego. “But as Team Go’s leader, it should be me to make the call.”

“Why should it be you?” chimed in Mego. “I’m the charismatic one.”

Shego rolled her eyes for the tenth time that evening. “And you two would say what exactly? Tell us where you are or else we can’t find you?”

“I’m sure this professor must have some respect for the rules of Hero-Villain engagement,” said Hego.

“There are no rules of engagement! No, if either of you make the call going all bone-head hero about it, we’ll lose the element of surprise completely. The plan is the least dumb if Drakken makes the call.”

At Drakken’s victory smirk, she added, “and I didn’t say it was a good plan. Just least dumb.”

“I do like the element of surprise,” said Hego. “Deception is not exactly Team Go’s style, but in a crisis a hero needs to be flexible. Dr Drakken, let’s make that call!”

“And that means, you, stop talking,” said Shego.

“Standing by,” Hego took the last word, forever annoying.

Drakken pulled out his phone and started scrolling down his contacts for Professor Dementor’s number.

Shego hovered over his shoulder. Knowing Drakken and that casual social interaction wasn’t his strong suit, she asked. “So, what are you planning to say?”

“Oh I’ll freestyle a bit of small talk, catch-up on villain news, a bit of the old bants, then I’ll tell him about my hypollinator and suggest I make a visit so he can take a look. Easy as pie. Delicious lemon pie.”

Drakken seemed confident. Too confident in Shego’s experience.

“OK… Just don’t let him get under your skin.”

“That loser? Under my skin? Never.”

Before Shego had the chance to mock, Drakken tapped Dementor’s name and put his phone on speaker. Three rings and the line connected.

“Greetings Drakken,” sounded Dementor’s Bavarian accent through the phone, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Ah, hello Dementor. It’s been a while!” Drakken came across as fake as a plastic Christmas tree. “Just thought I’d drop you a call to catch-up on villainy-”

“I’m afraid I am extremely busy with my scientific research at the moment,” Dementor cut-in.

“Ah yes, I am also… extremely busy… with science and stuff.”

“Really? The last I heard you’d given up any pretence of being a scientist to become a corporate sell-out.”

“Corporate sell-out? Ngh!” Drakken sputtered.

“Not that you ever did undertake any real scientific research…”

“What!? How can you- gah! My science is more scientificker than yours! And if that’s how you’re going to be, DON’T CALL ME AGAIN!” Drakken yelled down the phone, before hurling it across the lab.

“Shego, can you believe the nerve of that-” Shego’s expression of glowering, disbelief stopped Drakken in his tracks.

“Are you kidding me?” she fumed. “What did we just talk about!”

Drakken froze for a moment, then said, “I’ll call him back.”

When Dementor picked up the call again, he was chuckling down the line. “Ah Drakken, all that success and still you can’t take a little joke?”

“A joke?!” Drakken spat out. Shego stood next to him and rubbed a calming hand along his shoulders. “Ah, I see, a joke. Yes. Ha-ha. Very funny, Dementor.”

“You are always so entertaining. But as I said, I am very busy-”

“With science, yes. That’s what I-uh… wanted to ask you about. I’ve been working on my hypollinator formula. You know, for expedited mutant plant growth.”

“Your killer plants,” said Dementor flatly.

“My killer plants that saved the world.”

“I am aware.”

“Good. Well, I’m experimenting with uh… plant mind control.”

Of course, thought Shego, mind control would be the first thing that Drakken would come up with.

He continued, “And I could use some input from er… an expert such as yourself to experiment with the formula.”

There was a silent pause on the line.

Finally, Dementor said, “An intriguing proposition. I must admit I have been curious about your plant formula ever since I saw it on television.”

Drakken grinned at Shego. She had to admit, he was right about how to play Dementor’s ego.

“I can swing round by yours to show it to you,” said Drakken. “We could do a bit of work on it, two mad scientists together.”

“Only one of us is mad. And where may I ask is Fraulein Go?” There was more than a hint of suspicion in Dementor’s voice.

“She’s er… on vacation if you must know.”

“Fallen out again have you?”

“That’s not any of your business!”

Shego yanked Drakken’s ponytail to get his attention and nodded furiously.

“I mean yes. Yes, we had an argument about... uh whether to install a tanning bed in the living room and she stormed off. Haven’t seen her for a week.”

“I always thought she is a fickle woman. Disloyalty is a terrible flaw in a side-kick.”

Shego bristled at that in silent outrage. She felt Dr D squeeze her hand. Brave, as she was close to blasting something.

“Yes, well. She’ll be back,” said Drakken. “In the meantime though, shall I drop round with my hypollinator?”

“If you are willing to drop round to the Zugspitze.”

“The Zug-what now?”

“The Zugspitze. Bavarian Alps. And Drakken?”

“Yes?”

“Come alone.”

With that Dementor hung up.

Drakken looked at Shego. “He’s going to steal my hypollinator, isn’t he?”

“It’s what we would do.”