Chapter Text
February 15, Saturday
Kagura woke up with a headache. She didn’t even want to open her eyes, the room was too light for her taste, it only made her headache worse. Sandwiched between two people, she still felt cold. Her only source of warmth was the bodies surrounding her, so she did what she could without opening her eyes, she snuggled closer to the body behind her, pulling the one laying in front of her closer to her in the process. Even the very little warmth she got from it was something, she couldn’t help but try to move even closer.
“Stop moving,” she heard someone say as a hand was placed on her hip, pressing her closer to the body behind her. And her eyes shot open upon hearing the voice.
It was Soyo in her arms, that was relief. But when she turned to see who was laying on her back, she realised it was no one other than Okita Sougo.
She couldn't help but scream as she moved away from him, accidentally pushing Soyo on the ground in the process, the former princess fell with a loud thud and the groan of another person was heard. She didn't dare to look down, she had a bigger problem to solve first.
“What are you doing here?” she screamed.
Sougo opened his eyes, “What are you doing here?”
She pushed off their blanket, which was only a table cloth, she could tell from the designs on it, and knelt on the bed as Soyo started to climb back onto the bed on her side. Covering her very clothed chest with the table cloth she just pushed away, “What did you do to me, you pervert?”
Sougo’s hands instinctively went to his own body, checking if he was still clothed. And thankfully, he was. He sat up slowly, looking around to figure out how they came to his apartment in the first place. Then, he spotted Shinpachi.
Shinpachi was laying on the floor, on Sougo’s side, hugging an Otsuu-chan body pillow with a lewd expression on his face. And on the other side of the bed, Soyo had now managed to sit back up, pulling another pair of hands up with her. Dark blue hair peeked as the other person fake-cried, refusing to get up.
“Why are you all in my bedroom?” he asked, turning the question back to Kagura, as he had no idea what he did or did not do to her, and he figured she would be the safer option.
Kagura turned back, and pulled Nobume on the bed forcefully, not caring about the cries of the older woman. “You tell me,” Kagura yelled, and Soyo touched her leg, her face scrunched up in pain, “Not so loud, please,” she said, almost whispering.
“Oi, wake up, Glasses,” realising it wasn't going anywhere, Sougo turned towards the window, poking Shinpachi with his foot. If no one remembered, Shinpachi would have remembered, that was the only reason he joined them to begin with. The group needed a straight man to put everyone else in the line in case things started to go wrong, and Shinpachi was more than happy to volunteer for the prime minister’s safety, or rather Kagura’s safety, as he was pretty confident Kagura could put herself in a position where the only out would be public execution.
“Don’t leave yet, Otsuu-chan,” Shinpachi moaned in his sleep, Kagura wished she had burst her eardrums instead of hearing the wet dreams he was having in front of everyone.
Sougo kicked him hard, and Kagura was somewhat thankful that he did, because otherwise, the methods she would employ to wake him up could have been much more destructive than a single kick.
His back hit the wall in the already limited space, and his dreams with his Otsuu-chan ended suddenly. She wasn’t sure if the distaste on his face was because of being awakened from the dream or because he was kicked in the stomach as a wake-up method, but she didn’t care.
“Why would you wake me up in the best part of the dream?” he yelled even louder than Kagura after seeing Sougo's face, and not Otsuu's like he was expecting to, and Soyo put her forehead against Kagura’s shoulder, crying solely due to how loud Shinpachi had been.
Grabbing the closest pillow, Kagura threw it at Shinpachi, who was still on the floor. “He saved you from creaming your pants in front of the prime minister, idiot glasses,” she yelled.
“Please quiet,” Soyo pleaded one more time.
“Now you’re making Soyo-chan cry,” Kagura continued, much quieter this time, and hugged Soyo, patting her back as she continued, “There, there, Soyo-chan. I’ll protect you from these idiots.”
“What’s happening?” Nobume asked as Kagura continued consoling Soyo.
“That’s what I want to know,” Kagura replied before Sougo could. “What’s happening? Why did I wake up here? He was hugging me,” she forced herself to retch to get her point across, “Who knows what other perverted stuff he did to me?”
“I don’t even consider you as a woman, why the fuck would I touch you?”
“What do you consider me as then?”
“Gorilla,” Sougo replied without hesitation. And with that, Soyo was forced back onto Nobume’s arms to cry as Kagura jumped on Sougo to make him pay. It wasn’t the most logical decision she took, yet it was the only one that came to her mind. She couldn’t take this slander.
It took almost an hour for everyone to calm down. Soyo stopped crying once she received her water, then Sougo introduced her to the wonders of energy drinks when hungover, and she gladly took half of his stock in the fridge, then she sat next to Kagura, sipping from the bottle slowly.
Taking Kagura off of Sougo, on the other hand, had required joint efforts of Nobume and Shinpachi, and despite calming down, she didn’t look calm at all. So she was forced to sit across from Sougo, with Nobume on her one side, and Soyo on the other, just in case she started attacking again. Every single one of them was too hungover to deal with their usual fights, and this also included Kagura.
“How did we exactly come here?” Soyo asked as Sougo sat down, Shinpachi standing in the middle of them, with one foot on the coffee table and Sougo’s sword on his hand in case he needed to control the situation.
“If you all promise to behave,” Shinpachi cleared his throat, “I remember very clearly.”
“I’ll behave until it requires me to not behave,” Kagura replied, arms crossed, and eyes fixated on Sougo.
“I always behave, Glasses-kun,” Sougo said as he put his feet up.
“I meant I remember how I got my Otsuu-chan body pillow, I could never forget that,” Shinpachi corrected himself.
“Maybe we’ll remember something,” Nobume spoke before Kagura could get the chance to get angry at him. “Continue.”
“You two, Kagura-chan and Okita-san, were granted a wish by Soyo-chan. And she gave you what you wanted but you wasted it or something like that. So while you were passed out from how drunk you were, I asked to use your wish for myself instead, since that didn’t count. And I got myself a body pillow,” he scratched the back of his head sheepishly.
Kagura took a deep breath, “That’s it. That’s all you meant when you said you remember clearly?”
“Yes, there were four options, I struggled a lot to pick the best one, but this specific one is from Otsuu-chan’s first album, so it’s rarer to find nowadays,” he said proudly as he fixed his glasses. “I didn’t have a lot of money when she debuted, so I didn’t have the chance to get it back then.”
“I shouldn’t kill Shinpachi yet, Anego would be upset. Anego would be upset. Anego would be upset,” Kagura started chanting in an attempt to control herself. Soyo reached for her hand, and even that wasn’t enough. Sure, Shinpachi would survive this impromptu meeting, but she wasn’t sure if he could survive when they were left alone in Yorozuya. His end was near, she just couldn’t help it.
“I remember the wish, I think,” Sougo interrupted her chant. “At least Glasses was keeping track of something on paper. Then the Princess took it from him to do it herself.”
“Good decision, Soyo-chan,” Nobume and Kagura said at the same time, with Nobume trying to hold back the snort that was about to come from the ridiculousness of the situation, Kagura trying to control her anger.
“I have a paper on me,” Soyo sat straight, and then she turned towards Kagura, hiding from the view of the men in the room as much as possible. She reached into her bra, and both of them looked away instantly anyway.
“What– what are you doing, Honorable Prime Minister of Japan?” Shinpachi asked, stuttering through the whole sentence.
“Kagura-chan told me the best way to keep cash was to keep in your bra,” Soyo answered nonchalantly. She took out the paper that was folded in four, scribbles on it were still legible, despite the night it spent in Soyo’s bra.
She unfolded it, and started examining her own drawings.
The page was divided into two for Sougo and Kagura, with a small legend in the corner. It only had two items listed, meat and sake. Kagura’s side had a lot of meat and sake drawings listed under, while Sougo’s side mostly had sake.
As the girls were busy counting to see who won, just in case they would remember something, the sword Shinpachi was holding fell onto the floor with a loud clank. And Sougo leaned forward on his elbows, his brow furrowed. Then he wiped his eyes, blinking several times before wiping his eyes again.
“Oi, Shinpachi,” Sougo started, “Let me borrow your glasses for a minute. I think I started to hallucinate.”
“You’re not hallucinating, Okita-san,” Shinpachi laughed nervously.
“What? What’s happening?” Nobume asked, turning the page before Kagura could finish counting.
It was a marriage certificate.
The signatures under it belonged to no one other than Okita Sougo and Kagura.
“What the fuck?”
The previous night
Kagura fixed Soyo’s wig for the last time, straightening out the few stray strands, she leaned back on her seat, “It looks natural now. And with the contacts, no one will be able to recognise you, So-chan . ”
“Are you sure?” Soyo asked. She wasn’t worried about her security, not with the dozens of snipers Nobume handpicked and placed on top of the buildings overlooking the festival area. But she was only worried about ruining everyone’s night in case someone recognised her.
“You look like a completely new person, Soyo-sama,” Shinpachi tried to assure her, turning back on the front seat as much as possible to look at Soyo.
“Stop calling her ‘Soyo-sama’, Patsuan,” Kagura punched his shoulder lightly. “So-chan, I repeat, she’s So-chan.”
“Ah, yes, So-chan. The coloured lenses really work well,” he corrected himself.
“Then we can go,” Soyo exclaimed, unbuckling her seatbelt.
They were already parked at the closest parking lot to the festival grounds, and even if it was Valentine’s Day that was supposed to be celebrated with a partner, none of them had one. Coincidentally, this day was one of the few less busy days of Soyo’s schedule, making it her only chance to spend time with her friends. Shinpachi was only there to keep Kagura under control, as she was the one with the wildest ideas amongst their group, and both Gintoki and Shinpachi were sure one of her ideas would drag the former princess to a scandal some day. And Sougo was supposed to be the undercover security detail, along with a few vendors and other undercover police Nobume placed around the festival area. For Soyo to enjoy her time without any worries, she was only made aware of the snipers.
“There’s a donut stall over there, where should we start first?” Nobume asked as she got out of the car.
“We can get your donut first,” Soyo laughed.
“You shouldn't eat anything from the vendors Princess,” Sougo tried to warn. He was aware of the extensive security Nobume had arranged, but that still didn't mean that Soyo was completely safe.
Kagura, taking off her large backpack to wear it on her front, snickered at his comment, “Don't worry Sadist,” she said as she opened up her backpack, partially taking out a bottle of vodka as Nobume disappeared for a moment to bring the plastic cups she stole from a nearby vendor, “I'll ensure she has everything she needs,” she said and started pouring.
“Public drinking is banned on festival grounds,” Shinpachi tried to stop them, that was the only reason he was there after all. “Please say something, Okita-san.”
“It's not public drinking if the public can't see the bottle, Glasses-kun,” Sougo replied, switching teams as soon as he saw the several bottles of hard liquor Kagura carried in her backpack. He lined up after stealing his own paper cup.
It took only half an hour for four of them to finish that bottle. It was enough to make Soyo so drunk that she had to hold onto Kagura to continue walking, and only then, Soyo pushed Kagura away, and decided to hold onto Shinpachi’s arm instead.
“Doesn’t it get boring, Patsuan?” she asked as Shinpachi slowed down, and stopped.
“Does what get boring, So-chan?”
“Playing the straight-man all the time. I’m tired of all the formalities and processes to even breathe in the proper way. And when I finally think I can relax, you appear, and try to force more rules down my throat,” hiccup, “ Can’t you just act your age every once in a while?”
Shinpachi froze. He looked at Soyo’s face for a few seconds, or until Soyo let go of his arm.
The former princess’ words must have shocked him so much that he yelled at the redhead functioning as the group’s cellar as soon as he spotted her with Sougo, just a few meters ahead of them, “Kagura!” He ran over to the duo, who were busy arranging their own shooting game where the one who hit the target would drink instead of the one who missed. He interrupted their game to take a bottle out of her backpack, “I want some too.”
With that the last sober member of the group was also lost to the flavoured vodka Kagura brought with her. And that was also where Kagura’s memories started to get hazy.
The next thing she remembered was that they were standing in front of a booth, with two young workers and brochures stacked up on the table. There was a bouquet of flowers, and a nice delicate looking but definitely plastic tiara with a tulle hanging from it, placed right next to the brochures.
“What’s the purpose of this?” Nobume asked the workers waiting there, downing the rest of her cup right afterwards. Then without waiting for an answer, she took a step towards Kagura, opened up her backpack and started refilling her cup with more alcohol.
“We’re stationed by the Edo Municipality. 14 February is a very common date to get married, and with the limited time slots offered, the couples have been complaining for the past few years. So this year, for those who only care about the date on the certificate, we’re doing impromptu weddings. Are you interested?”
“Oh, that would be great, but we’re all single,” Soyo sighed. “It’s a special date indeed. I guess a wedding on the 14th would require more gifts, right?”
“Gifts, what gifts?” Kagura asked, suddenly wide awake after hearing the possible gifts.
“Wedding gifts, Kagura-chan,” Shinpachi replied.
“No, thanks. I don’t need that many bananas,” Kagura scrunched up her face. “Even thinking about it makes me nauseous.”
“Finally admitting you’re a Gorilla, China?” Sougo laughed, “Alcohol indeed reveals the true self of the person.”
“Shut up, damn Sadist,” she yelled, walking over to face Sougo as Nobume chased her, trying to close her backpack without spilling the alcohol she poured for herself. “In your Gorilla Commander’s wedding with that Gorilla Princess, there were only bananas for every single course of meal and even more bananas as the wedding gift[1].”
Shinpachi stepped in between them, he was also tipsy himself, but he was still sober enough to know their fighting would risk Soyo’s safety more than their public drinking ever could, “She hasn’t been to any other wedding, Okita-san, it’s normal,” he laughed nervously. “Now, now, Kagura-chan, in Japanese weddings, the gift is usually an envelope with cash in it.”
“Oh,” she stepped away from Sougo, grabbing Shinpachi by his shoulders to shake him slightly, “Do you want to get married now, Patsuan?”
“What?” Shinpachi could only yell, his mouth fell open at her suggestion and he tried to free himself from her grip, but drunk Kagura was stronger.
“Let’s get married now, and we can split the cash later. I’ll give you 300 yen in the end, but I get to keep the rest to heal the emotional trauma you’re going to put me through for marrying you.”
“I’m not going to marry you,” Shinpachi yelled, and Kagura sighed.
“You’re useless.”
“You should marry Okita-san,” Soyo squealed, hitting Kagura’s arm repeatedly to show her excitement.
Kagura’s first instinct was to make retching noises. “No thanks,” they both said at the same time.
Nobume chuckled at them as she finished the glass she had filled just now. “That’s funny,” she started. “Marrying the prime minister’s best friend would definitely give you the Vice-Chief position you want so much, and even more. I guess you don’t want to be Hijikata’s supervisor after all,” she shrugged, reaching for Kagura’s bag to fill her glass again, unaware of the brand new world she had opened for Sougo with a few basic sentences.
“Let’s get married, China,” Sougo blurted out before Nobume could open her bag again, and he dragged her closer to the stand without waiting for her answer.
Kagura didn’t exactly remember why she hadn’t opposed the idea at the time, but she could still remember their negotiation very well, “I keep all the gifts.”
“You can keep whatever you want,” Sougo replied.
“You can’t marry for a position, Okita-san, Kagura-chan, please,” Shinpachi, the sanest one of the group, tried to intervene.
“Why?” Soyo asked. “My family does it all the time.”
“It’s because your family is– your family,” Shinpachi corrected himself before he could out the former princess. He on his own was definitely not enough to balance out their craziness. How was he supposed to explain this to Umibozu and Gintoki, they would kill him for sure , he started talking to himself, just a few feet away from Kagura and Sougo. He was too young to die like this!
“We will get married,” Kagura said to the worker. His overthinking was something she was very accustomed to, that also meant she could ignore him very well when needed.
The worker smiled. “Do you have two witnesses with you as well?” she asked, opening up a wide notebook, she stopped at an empty page towards the middle.
“We’re witnesses,” Soyo exclaimed, grabbing Nobume’s hand to drag her right next to Kagura.
“Great! Can I get the IDs of all four of you?” she asked as Soyo reached to pick up the plastic bouquet, handed it to Kagura, who was too busy thinking about all the gifts she would get to even care about her appearance. “At least you’re wearing white,” Soyo mumbled as she carefully placed the plastic tiara on Kagura, fixing the tulle as Nobume pressed her sword on the neck of the worker trying to fill in the notebook.
She, then, lazily took out her badge, showed it to the woman before clumsily trying to put it back in. She was the drunkest amongst them, it made Shinpachi worry about the worker in the booth trying to handle four drunk sadists on her own, but there was nothing to do when they all pretended as if he didn’t exist.
“Do it without the IDs,” Nobume said before pulling her sword away from the worker’s neck.
The poor woman nodded, her hands trembling when she looked down to the notebook, and then turned to them again. “To be able to wed you, I still need your parents’ names.”
“My name is Kagura. My mother is ‘Mami’, father is ‘Baldy’,” Kagura replied with a smile.
“That’s–” the worker started, but she was quickly interrupted by the sound of Nobume’s sword casually tapping against the metal legs of the desk. “With which characters, I’m not familiar with these names?” she laughed nervously.
“Baldy should look like a bald old man,” she paused, “I don’t know the characters for Mami’s name.”
“It’s fine,” the woman replied right away. “I’ll just fill it in as is.” Then she turned to Sougo, “Name and parents’ names please.”
“Okita Sougo. Father Katsujirou, mother Kin[2].”
“Witnesses, please state your name and your parents’ name as well.”
“Toku–” Soyo started, and before Nobume could act on it, Shinpachi interrupted.
“Tokudome,” he yelled. Then he cleared his throat, “Her name is Tokudome So– Sora.”
“Parents?”
“She’s an orphan, no parents,” Nobume replied in her stead. “And I’m Nobume Imai. No mother. Father Sasaki Isaburo.”
“Okay, perfect,” the woman laughed nervously. She was clearly still scared of Nobume, even though she tried to continue doing her job, it was impossible to hide. The other woman in the booth who tried to stay away from the mess opened up a small document box in the back, taking out a piece of shiny paper, she quickly joined them on the booth, filling in the paper as the other woman continued.
“Okita Sougo, son of Katsujirou, do you take Kagura as your wife?”
Sougo glanced at Kagura, who also happened to be looking at him at that moment. And his face soured instantly, not being able to hide how displeased he was with this situation, then he looked away, glancing behind Kagura to spot the now-blonde Soyo. “I do,” he grunted.
“Kagura, daughter of Baldy, do you take Okita Sougo as your husband?”
“I do.”
The woman turned the notebook towards them, and the other one pushed the paper she had filled in just now right on the notebook, “Sign here and here,” she pointed right under their names on both documents.
They weren’t the first people to get married on the spot, she didn’t understand why Shinpachi was making a big deal out of it. So Kagura signed without sparing a second to think about it properly. She was sure she would be fine after spending all the wedding gifts she would receive from Kabukicho.
“Congratulations,” the woman smiled. She must have been relieved to get rid of them, Kagura thought as she continued, “You may kiss the bride.”
They turned towards each other at the same time, Shinpachi let out a choked scream as Nobume used her sword to keep him away from the newlywed couple.
This, she hadn’t thought about. Maybe she was too drunk to get married, maybe Shinpachi was right, she said to herself, wondering whether or not he would kiss. Her grip tightened on the stems of her bouquet, ready to hit him with her monster strength in case he tried to kiss her.
Fortunately for him, he stepped away. “No thanks,” he grunted, and turned his back, walking away from the stall without waiting for anyone else.
Kagura wanted to pretend as if she was about to throw up, but it had no use if he wasn’t there to see how repulsed she was by the idea of kissing him. So she started running after him, just to make him sure she also shared the same feelings as him.
“You forgot your marriage certificate,” she heard the woman yell after her. But she didn’t care enough to go back and get it. She was married now, that was the only prerequisite for the gifts, right?
Present time
“Then we went to izakaya,” Shinpachi said, lifting his phone up for everyone to see the pictures he took of Kagura, Nobume and Soyo playing nice. They were supposed to be used as evidence to show Gintoki later on, but Kagura doubted he could show any of them, as the stupid plastic tiara they forgot to return was in every single one of those photos. And it looked like a proper veil despite the cheap plastic material.
“I remember,” Soyo exclaimed. “You wanted to eat your weight in meat as a wedding gift.
“Let’s ignore the small details,” Sougo interrupted. Now that most of the events of the previous night were uncovered, he had only one thing in his mind, “When am I getting my promotion, Princess?”
“You call it small because you lost,” Kagura chuckled. Turning back to the side they used to keep track of their silly competition, she slammed it on the table in between them, pointing at the very visible scarcity of small drawings on his side of the paper compared to Kagura’s.
“It’s not even in the same category,” Sougo argued.
“Just a reminder, your usual fights can be considered domestic abuse now,” Nobume interrupted them before they could start fighting again. She would be ecstatic to arrest Sougo, still mad about the donuts he stole from her a few years ago, she would like to complain about them to anyone who would listen, and Kagura had taken the duty to listen for so long that even from the glint in Nobume's eyes, she knew.
“Wait, wait–” Soyo lifted her arm in front of Nobume to prevent her from attacking, even though she knew if the older woman really wanted to, she wouldn't be able to stop her. “I think I remember what happened at the izakaya.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Sougo laughed. “I can’t marry her twice now, can I?”
“She tried to eat her weight in meat,” Soyo pointed at Kagura. “And then she called you a coward, so you started fighting,” she turned to Sougo. “I remember you turning down the promotion offer because you said you wanted to deserve it.”
“That’s stupid,” Sougo replied right away. Then he stopped for a short moment, squinting at the marriage certificate they used as a meal tracker. That wouldn't be the stupidest thing you've done yesterday, Kagura thought as she watched him stand up. With his hands on his sides, he started walking up and down in the living room, as if it would change anything.
It was the first time Kagura had seen him this nervous to begin with, and despite the unbearable headache, or the extreme dehydration she was fighting, it didn’t take her too long to connect the dots. She slowly turned towards Shinpachi, who also looked nervous, not as much as Sougo did, but she could see the drops of sweat he tried to wipe religiously off of his face. Their eyes met for a brief moment, she was already squinting at him when he noticed her gaze, and he shook his head slowly. It was such a subtle motion that no one but Kagura had noticed it, but they weren’t paying attention to Shinpachi, they didn’t know Shinpachi as well as Kagura did.
“So you got agitated enough to turn down the promotion, and wasted your wedding gift. That’s why Shinpachi has a limited time Otsuu body pillow?" She asked to Sougo.
All eyes turned to Shinpachi at once.
“You’re more cunning than I thought you would be, Glasses-kun,” Sougo was the one who spoke first. He had a weird, unsettling smile on his face that even Kagura, who kept fighting with him all time, had rarely seen. “You made me give up my promotion in turn for a body pillow?”
“I didn’t make you give up anything,” Shinpachi laughed as he tried to back away slowly, going closer and closer to the door with each step. “You gave it away willingly! I have video evidence of it,” he said, reaching forward to take his phone from the coffee table without actually getting closer to the rest of the group. He still had Sougo’s sword, Kagura noted as he started going through his gallery once again. It would be useful for him to protect himself when the inevitable happened.
The video he pulled up only made Kagura want to throw up more. It was filmed in the booth of izakaya. Sougo was leaning on the table, looking down on his lap with a stupid smile on his face as Shinpachi behind the camera cleared his throat. And in his lap was lying Kagura, he kept playing with her hair, as she shifted to turn towards the camera. Present-day-Kagura made retching noises at the image, but she couldn’t look away.
“You still have fifteen kilos more to eat, Kagura-chan. Are you giving up?” Shinpachi asked.
“Give me a break,” Kagura whined, eyes closed.
“You’re ruining their honeymoon,” Soyo tsked. Her blonde wig was peeking from Kagura’s side. She, too, was clearly laying on someone, and that person appeared to be Kagura.
“I’ll throw up on you,” Sougo threatened, though it was a threat more befitting Kagura.
“You already became the same person, it’s disgusting,” Nobume said somewhere off camera.
“Let’s not change the topic. Since you made up your mind that you don’t want your wedding gift, Okita-san, can I use it for the good of people?” Shinpachi asked shamelessly, straight to the point.
“Go fuck yourself, Patsuan,” Kagura groaned.
“Yes, Patsuan,” Sougo parroted gladly, all the while refusing to look anywhere but Kagura. He seemed too invested in his wife for someone who refused to kiss the very same woman, and Kagura just looked too comfortable in his lap.
“It is for a good cause,” Shinpachi insisted. “Think about the people trying to bring food back to their families. I’ll make sure it goes to the right place.”
“Yeah, sure,” Sougo replied mockingly. And the video ended.
“You said yes there,” Shinpachi replied with an arrogant smile on his face. He was probably thinking that he had justified wasting his promised promotion on a limited edition body pillow. He is the master manipulator all right, Kagura said to herself. She knew the lengths he would go just for Otsuu had no ends or limits, but she had never expected him to benefit from her drunken mistake in this way either.
The sword he was holding could not protect him from the wrath of the two sadists, one angry from the promotion he had lost just like that, the other angry at the way she looked so comfortable and happy in his lap.
“How was your night?” Gintoki asked as soon as Shinpachi and Kagura entered. They were gone for almost a whole day, it was only normal for him to ask, Kagura reminded herself before she could overthink his question. There would be no way that he happened to stop by the festival and saw the lovey-dovey mess she created with Sougo out in the open.
“It was–” she started.
Shinpachi, with his face red from the secrets he knew he could not hide for too long, his whole body shaking as if he was physically in pain, (which he was from the beating he got from the newlywed couple but at that moment, it was not relevant), and of course, with the Otsuu-chan body pillow tucked under his arm, was quicker than her.
“Kagura got married to Okita-san yesterday,” he screamed at the top of his lungs.
Gintoki fell off the couch, even Sadaharu woke up startled, both looking at them in shock.
Kagura was too tired to give him another beating, or deal with Gintoki, she definitely did not want to explain how her drunk self was more greedy than the sober her, which she didn’t know was possible until the previous night.
All she could do in that situation was to forcefully take the body pillow from Shinpachi. If he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, he didn’t deserve Sougo’s courtesy of not destroying the pillow into the shreds.
“Fine, yes, I got married,” she sighed. “And this," lifting the body pillow up slightly, “is my wedding gift. So I’m taking it with me,” she said as she opened the door of her closet, and put the body pillow in before climbing up herself.
“I’ll kill whomever interrupts my sleep. Good night.”