Chapter Text
When Yue Qingyuan woke up, he did not scream or cry. Even though it would have been normal for his circumstances had he done so. He sat in his bed, not moving, eyes looking off into the distance at nothing. He was so still that it was difficult to notice if he were even still breathing. But that was the thing, he had stopped breathing. He had stopped breathing when he lay bleeding out on the cold, hard ground after being pierced by ten thousand arrows, courtesy of Luo Binghe.
As he lay on the ground, feeling the life ooze out of him, what was probably only a few moments felt like an eternity to him. Yue Qingyuan had heard of the expression of seeing one’s life flash before their eyes moments before death, but it had never occurred to him how painful it would be. Ten thousand arrows? It all paled in comparison to the immense guilt he felt, weighing him down like shackles. He regretted it all. So much.
In their childhood, Shen Qingqiu had done everything he could to help Yue Qingyuan.
He regretted that he was never able to show the same sincerity back, that Shen Qingqiu would forever be hurt by their broken promise. He would never be able to pay Shen Qingqiu’s loyalty back, perhaps only in death could he atone.
He…. he really had let his Xiao Jiu down, hadn’t he? It was only when he received Shen Qingqiu’s legs that he realized how he was too late. That he couldn't go back. And that all of his apologies really were worthless. What was the point in turning a blind eye to everything Shen Qingqiu did and trying to offer up empty apologies if it all ended like this? With Shen Qingqiu torn into a bloody stump by his former disciple.
Too late. He was always too late.
Yue Qinguyan, the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong Mountain. His title and position had never felt more useless to him. What was the point. What was the point of it all if he could never save the person in his life who mattered the most.
He felt hollowed out and empty. And so, all Yue Qingyuan could muster up the energy to do was sit in his bed in deathly silence.
~
It was only when he saw the sun setting, the warm rays seeping through the windows to cast the room into an orange hue did Yue Qingyuan snap out of his stupor. He tried to collect his thoughts. He was certain that he had died, the feeling of pain was too intense and realistic to have simply been a dream. However, during the whole time that he had sat here, he did not feel any pain that would have come from being shot by ten thousand arrows. Physically, he felt perfectly fine.