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Solas leaned back against the wooden headboard with a content sigh, one of Varric's books in hand. His legs were stretched out under the soft covers and crossed at the ankles as he let his body relax. It had been a long week of travelling back to Skyhold from the chilly landscape of Emprise du Lion, and the chill that had settled into their bones had finally begun to thaw. Instead of fighting for their lives against the Red Templars and shivering in their tents at night, their days had finally shifted back to the quiet hum of normalcy while The Inquisitor planned their next mission.
Almost if compelled by the very thought of her, Solas couldn't help himself when his free hand settled gently against Lavellan's head, which had moved to use his chest as a pillow while she slept. His fingers played with the long black strands of hair with practised ease, now free from its usual loose ponytail. He watched the way the silken strands slipped through his fingers like spilt ink, his heart aching with a myriad of emotions.
How long until she slipped through his fingers with such ease, as if she was never there at all? How long until he looked back at these moments and felt the stabbing pain of loss and the bitter taste of regret?
He clenched his jaw to hold back the flood of guilt and admission that danced on his tongue, forcing himself to swallow such frightful confessions.
Instead, he let his eyes fall shut, breathing deeply as he locked up such regrets back into their prison in his heart and as carefully as he could, he shifted his body to reach for the small cupcake on the bedside table. He struggled to believe he was as deserving of her love as she seemed to think, her little signs of affection both pleasing and burning him. Yet he couldn’t help himself from being drawn to her like a moth to an open flame, embracing the danger of his emotions.
Her smile when she presented him with his favourite cake from Val Royeaux was now seared into his memory, just as his love for her was seared into every fibre of his being.
"Here, I got this for you. I needed to grab a few things with Josie and remembered how much you liked the cakes from there. It was the last one and I'm pretty sure there was some rich child in line behind me who was eyeing it up. I'm glad to say I got there just in time." She said while she presented the small treat for him, as proudly as if she had just admitted to killing yet another high dragon. “It’s the chocolate ones with small pieces of dried fruit scattered on top.”
“Ma serannas, vhenan.” He had replied, not even attempting to hide the way the tips of his ears almost seemed to glow pink. “Would you like to share it with me?”
“Nae, I bought it for you. Besides, that cake is tiny, enjoy it for yourself, my love.” She had smiled so brightly at him, that the lines of Mythal’s vallaslin sitting across her cheekbones shifted with the movement.
The cake had sat on his desk for the following hours, almost too precious to ruin. It had taunted and teased him, testing his control over his weak sweet tooth. Yet he still refrained, almost as if he were caught in a trance and biting into it would cause the moment to end and reality to set back in.
Funny how something as simple as a cupcake could cause his walls to begin to crumble. He continued to work on his research of the rifts deep into the night, all while the cupcake’s small shadow danced across his desk in the flickering candlelight. Right up until the hour for them to retire to her room for the night, where he had brought it with him to enjoy finally. He would prefer no other place to indulge in something pleasant, everything always tasted sweeter with Relana Lavellan curled up beside him, safe in his arms.
He found himself to be proven right when he leaned back against the headboard and brought the small cake to his lips, savouring the sweet frosting as it melted on his tongue. His eyes fluttered shut momentarily, and when they opened once more, he felt his heart jolt.
“Ma’tarasyl,” he quickly muttered, not wanting to break the tranquillity that had fallen over the pair.
Relana silently peered up at him, her eyes wide open and sparkling in the firelight as she watched him from her place against his chest. Her smile widened, and with a small amount of embarrassment, he realised that she must have heard his heart skip a beat at the small scare she had provided. Once his mask of composure fell back into place, he realised what had caused her to wake: he seemed to have gently placed his book over her head, almost like a hat, to hold his current page in place.
“Ir abelas, vhenan.” He chuckled and gingerly picked the book back up, watching as she rolled her head to peek at the cover. He tilted it so she could get a better look, her smile had softened considerably when she spotted the familiar artwork on the cover for Hard in Hightown.
She did her best to wave off his apology despite her hands being trapped under the covers, “Enjoying yourself?” She asked, her voice light and airy as she watched him get ready to read; book and cupcake in hand.
“It’s impossible not to when you are settled at my side.” He replied instantly, and his lip twitched upwards when he felt her snuggle even closer against him.
She didn’t bother to fight her smile and instead let her eyes drift shut once more. “If you say so, ma sa’lath.”
He tried to continue with the paragraph he had previously started, and while the book wasn’t something he would usually choose to read, it had its charms. He tried to let his mind unwind, falling deeper into Varric’s storytelling while taking small bites out of the cake as he went along, only for his eyes to keep drifting down to fall upon her.
Her breathing was light and her body was fully relaxed, yet he could tell she had not fallen asleep yet. His eyes trailed over her cheeks, pausing at the small purple bruising under her eyes. While it hadn’t grown overly noticeable, the sleepless nights were beginning to catch up on her. Too many nights had been spent with her tossing and turning at his side, unable to let her mind drift away into a comfortable sleep, while some nights resulted in her bolting up in bed, her chest heaving with fright. How he wished he could bring some comfort to her during those nights, to fight whatever plagued her ever-alert mind.
He slowly lowered his arm and brought the cupcake closer to her, gently pressing it against her lips. He held it there for a moment, watching as her closed eyes crinkled and her lips widened into a grin. She slowly opened her mouth to take a bite, only opening her eyes to look up at him after she had swallowed the soft sponge.
“Thank you,” She breathed out, sitting up to place a small kiss on his lips. He quickly placed the book face down so that he could rest his hand against the small of her back, helping to stabilise her while also pulling her closer to him. Her hand came to rest against his chest as he deepened the kiss, his tongue gliding across her own. She tasted like rich chocolate, and he felt his mind spin, intoxicated by the feel of her soft lips against his.
He could feel himself falling deeper into the bottomless well of love he held for her, not willing to even try and slow his descent.
They finally parted, remembering their need to breathe after their lungs began to burn, too content to remain joined and explore one another’s taste. He watched the gentle blush creep across her pale flesh and slowly tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears, granting him a better view of the flustered state he had caused.
“Ar lath ma,” She whispered, moving to brush a dozen tiny kisses along the curve of his jaw. Her touch was featherlight, her lips dancing against his flesh with a loving familiarity.
He ducked his head to nuzzle his nose against hers, “La ar lath ma,” Solas declared with a whisper.