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In only a moment Chicchi begins to violently sob, her words mumbled by the sheets and her own tears as she wails and screams. Her voice pierces through the theater and only then does Mitsuki recognize it is not Chicchi crying, but Kisa.
In all but a moment does Mitsuki’s heart sting and squeeze. She wants to be there so badly; to hold Kisa and tell her It's alright. She wants to whisper to her words and ideas so soft that she couldn't dare express them to others. Whisper to her secrets only her heart knows. She wants to hold her so tight the line between their souls blurs, and yet, all she can muster into words, into thoughts, is, “Wait for me, Kisa. I'll be there soon.”
Yet she can only ball her hands into fists, she can only clench her jaw and whisper out a tiny, weak sentence that barely promises herself anything. She can't even promise her own happiness; her own comfort. Could she really promise Kisa the same?
She feels so weak. What can be more undoing than love for another?
Perhaps this is what Rukiora felt for Chicchi when she found her with Fugio. This mixture of pain and sadness touched with a love so potent that it would hurt whoever tried to hold it. A rotting, disgusting concoction of emotions that one would flinch at the sight at. Yet it was love all the same.
Mitsuki can only watch as Kisa struggles to breathe through her tears and snot. Her makeup barely staying together from all the tears, yet somehow managing to make even that beautiful.
Mitsuki would never take pleasure in someone’s pain, especially someone like Kisa. Despite this, Kisa somehow looked even more beautiful as she wailed; her and Chicchi merging into one as they shared their pain. Her beauty could only be described as heavenly and all at once Mitsuki truly understood why Rukiora took to confessions immediately after Chicchi’s betrayal. Mitsuki would gladly get on her knees and pray if it meant taking in and forgiving the indescribable beauty that was Kisa Tachibana.
“Shirota-kun! That's your cue!” Neji, in that particular voice of his, shrieked as she flinched.
Kisa, finally able to control her breathing, had begun to get up and start walking. Her sobbing seemed to have come to a temporary stop but her eyes were glossy and glistening with tears not yet shed.
The scene changes to Pig’s Rear Street where Kisa— no, Chicchi, finally staggers; collapsing beneath her own weight as the little bit of strength she had left to escape Domina and Facchio’s grasp escaped her. Her shoulders hunched in on herself as her head dropped, staring at her legs dirtied by the grounds of Havenna.
Rukiora enters the stage slowly, her singing slowly getting from a whisper to a loud bellow.
“Oh, Rama Havenna! As warm as a baby’s first bath!”
Chicchi gasps, snapping her head up in the direction of Rukiora. Her tear stained face trembling at the sight of her best friend. It takes everything in Mitsuki to stay still and not go jumping into her lines of forgiveness.
“Oh, Rama Havenna! As gentle as a rocking cradle!” Rukiora continues to sing. There is a soft melancholy to her tone as she continues to sing the lyrics. Mitsuki can't quite place her own emotions, and she is sure Rukiora can't either.
“Rukiora,” Chicchi’s voice is hoarse and trembling; barely above a whisper. All at once her strength comes back to her as she stands up, her legs shaking like a baby fawn, and begins to rush towards Rukiora.
“Rukiora!”
Chicchi enters the pub as she squeezes her way through the crowds dancing and laughing; the smell of alcohol and mugwort hot on their breath. The mere sight of Rukiora seems to almost put Chicchi to tears as she makes a gasping breath before screaming, “Rukiora!”
Rukiora halts in her singing as she stares wide eyed at Chicchi.
“Chicchi…!” Her voice once so soft and melodic now trembles and turns breathless at the sight of her beloved friend.
All at once Rukiora only wishes to lay down at Chicchi’s feet and cry; to beg for a forgiveness that she knows both of them must give. That she thinks only she will give. That she knows only Chicchi will provide.
It is a love so potent it hurts whoever wishes to hold it.
“Rukiora, I...” Chicchi stutters, unable to form a coherent sentence.
“I was asked to leave Havenna with someone,” Rukiora says all at once, unable to keep a secret from the very person who kept a secret so vile from her.
How would Kisa react? Knowing she isn't how she thinks she is…
Chicchi blinks back tears, surprise obvious on her face.
Rukiora continues, “It was Miguel. He wasn't raised in Havenna. He said he'll be returning to his family of neshiromi farmers… and wanted me to come with him.”
All at once Rukiora’s emotions and words spill out like a waterfall. She was never good at hiding her truth, especially to Chicchi who traded it with lies.
Yet even then Rukiora cannot bring herself to hate Chicchi. Even now she only views her with love. As a being so beautiful, so kind and caring that Rukiora could only compare her to an angel. Even though Rukiora knew now this wasn't the case, she couldn't bring herself to view her any less than holy.
“Miguel?” Chicchi mutters out. Her expression of confusion soon morphing into a laugh that Rukiora couldn't quite tell if it was laughter or melancholy, “He was finally able to be honest with himself…”
Chicchi makes a shaky exhale as she cups her fist with her hand, “I'm sorry. Miguel told me as well. That I needed to tell you the truth, but I couldn't bring myself to.”
Her eyes lower as they turn into that glassy, fragile art piece one more. Rukiora could only describe it as a golden sunset as the sun went down. It was both beautiful and excruciatingly painful to look at. Chicchi always did have a beauty that was both painful and heavenly.
“I just… didn't want you to hate me.”
Rukiora can only sit and listen as Chicchi closes her eyes and brings her hands together to her chest. Rukiora can only think how beautiful she would look praying.
“I thought that instead of hurting you, it would be better for me to stay silent.”
Rukiora nods, “I see.”
“I wanted us to become true friends,” Chicchi sobs, forcing her eyes shut.
“Even if it meant lying?” Rukiora says, barely above a whisper. She isn't sure she could handle saying it if it was any louder.
“Yes,” Chicchi finally breaks into a sob, slow, hot tears falling down her face as she opens her eyes a smidge. All at once, Rukiora and Mitsuki are blown away by the beauty of a woman so coated with filth and lies. If loving such a woman was a sin, Rukiora would gladly walk to the confessional booths everyday. Mitsuki thinks that she would probably coat herself in the same filth to be even closer to her.
“Your problem has always been that you're to loveable,” she smiles, her eyes trained on Chicchi—Kisa too, Mitsuki isn't sure where the line between her and Chicchi is anymore— as the woman in question flutters her eyelashes to rid them of tears so she can finally look at Rukiora head on. She briefly wonders if Chicchi feels the same way she does about her.
“What?” Her lip is trembling, dyed a deep red from her biting it. Her eyes shake as she pins Rukiora with a gaze so strong she might fall under its weight.
Though the thought of Rukiora letting Chicchi consume her briefly crosses her mind, she just as quickly tosses it. She did not need those thoughts right now.
“Hey, Chicchi, are you able to forgive me?” Rukiora questions, tears threatening to spill from her own eyes. As if she hasn't cried enough today.
“What do you mean?” Chicchi raises her hands as though to go hold Rukiora, but they still in the air, as though unsure of what to do. Rukiora would beg if it meant having Chicchi hold her right now.
“I lied to you, too. I was unable to tell you the truth,” Rukiora hiccups, and Mitsuki hopes that Kisa can find truth to these words that aren't his own. She might love Kisa. She might love her to a point that'll hurt them both, and yet she still holds the love so close it burns her. Yet she cannot bring herself to say it. What a liar she is, huh? Perhaps a hypocrite, too. She got mad at Kisa for hiding her identity and yet here Mitsuki is, doing the very same.
“That's not true! You've done nothing wrong!” Chicchi raises her voice, the trembling previously there is nothing but a memory. Mitsuki wonders if Kisa would react the same if she told her. If she told her she knew her secret and loved her anyway. That she loved her at all.
“Then, please, forgive me. That's far simpler than having God forgive me. It's a pain to go all the way to the church, you know,” Rukiora breathlessly laughs, stepping a bit closer to Chicchi. She can faintly smell strawberries on Chicchi’s lips.
“But…” Her eyes darted around Rukiora's face. From her eyes to her nose, her ears and her hair that curled around her forehead like a halo, to finally her lips before right back up to her eyes. Mitsuki would think it's a trick of the light but it makes her heart swell nonetheless.
“Chicchi!” Rukiora begs, searching Chicchi’s expression. Soft pink eyeshadow and pale skin. Deep red lips that were a little bitten and cheeks flushed a hot pink. Mitsuki could look upon this sight forever if she was allowed to.
Upon the stage, Chicchi gasped for air as she struggled to hold back her tears.
Rukiora softly, gently embraced her with a sad smile. Tears slowly falling down the girl’s cheeks at the others' clear sorrow.
“I forgive you, Chicchi.”
Chicchi grasps at Rukiora as she stuffs her head into Rukiora’s fur. Her voice going high and low as she attempts to hide her soft sobbing.
“This applies to you too.”
Rukiora softly smiles at Chicchi, holding her closer.
“I have to apologize too, for lying to you,” She says softly in Chicchi’s ear.
Would you love me if I told you?
“You're my dearest friend, Chicchi.”
Would you love me at all?
“Rukiora…”
—
Mitsuki is at a crossroads. A big one.
She puts her head in her hands, her fellow classmates overwhelming alongside her already present stress.
She's in love with Kisa.
Kisa. Who is also a girl. Who she isn't sure if she even loves her. Kisa who'd work herself to death than deal with that.
In love with that Kisa.
She lets out a small groan before rubbing her eyes and looking back up.
Fumi gives her a little raise of the eyebrows as she shakes her head. She's fine. Entirely, totally fine.
Her knee bounces erratically as she grabs for her binder. Flipping through it gives her no comfort like it usually would however. Looking through all the songs she's transferred to music format simply makes her feel empty. Her heart longing for a duet with somebody that simply doesn't do duets.
Kisa is much better off without her. Someone who continuously lashed out at her out of jealousy and anger. Kisa deserves better than someone who hurt her so, so many times.
It's horrible how the thought of Kisa not liking her makes her heart squeeze painfully. It's so likely and yet it still hurts.
It shouldn't hurt. It doesn't hurt with others. She doesn't care about others. Yet she cares for Kisa so much it hurts.
God damnit.
“Hey, Mitsu.”
That snaps her out of her spiral as she sees Fumi stand in front of her.
“Fumi-san…” she blinks as he tilts his head, giving a wry smile.
“You sure you're okay?” He raises an eyebrow once more. His mouth morphing into a small grin as the sides of his mouth crinkle. He always found a way to be playful even when he was worried.
“I…” She hesitates. Fumi knows. He's always known. She trusts Fumi, but would this be okay?
Fumi would keep a secret to his grave. Especially one like this.
“Kisa… you know that's he's…” he struggles to find the words. They are stuck in his throat. Fumi ever so slightly widens his eyes before he's grinning from side to side.
“I should've known you'd get it quick. I wouldn't be surprised if the others Al Jeanne's caught on too,” he shrugs, as though it's the easiest thing to admit in the world.
Mitsuki nods, “Well, uhm..”
Fumi pins her with a stare and makes her want to curl in on herself, “I like her.”
Fumi gapes. His eyes search Mitsuki and this is perhaps the first time Mitsuki has found him at a loss for words.
He blinks as he mindlessly nods, “Is that so.”
She nods.
“I don't know what to do.”
“That's fair.”
“I like her but I don't think she likes me,” She grumbles, “And I've hurt her before. She doesn't deserve me.”
Fumi clicks his tongue, “But she doesn't think of you like that, does she?”
Mitsuki gazes at the floor.
“To her, you're a dependable, kind, caring, and compassionate upperclassman who has always looked out for her even when her secret was at risk.”
She nods.
“Not only that,” he grins, through the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, “What isn't there to like?”
“You have similarities, you two,” Fumi nods, “I think you are working yourself up for failure.”
“I…”
Fumi steps forward, setting a hand on her shoulder, “I believe in you, okay? If you like her, go for it.”
Her eyesight blurs. Damn it.
She nods as she sniffs and wipes her nose, Fumi bringing her into a hug.
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” he says. Mitsuki can tell his voice is strained, as though he was hoping for something that he couldn't achieve, but she's not sure what it is or if she could even help.
—
“Happy New Year.”
Kisa nods, stepping inside the music room, “Happy New Year, Shirota-senpai.”
She looks stressed. As though she is working herself up for something.
Mitsuki brushes her shoulder with Kisa’s, “Do you want to sing?”
She blinks, “Do you want to?”
She smiles, “For you? Yeah.”
If it weren't for Fumi she isn't sure she'd be able to be this confident.
Kisa’s cheeks flush a light pink as she nods, “I can't play the piano though.”
She shakes her head, “No worries, I can.”
Kisa sits next to her on the small piano stool and it almost makes it impossible for her to focus on the piano when their legs are right up against each other, Kisa’s fresh and strawberry perfume fresh on her collarbone.
Regardless, Mitsuki sets her focus on the piano as her fingers glide and skip. The melody soft and longing as Kisa hums to the tune.
Mitsuki wishes life was this simple; this kind. If she could just freeze this moment in time…
—
Kisa wished this moment would last forever. The last bits of moonlight shining through the window and setting itself upon Mitsuki, making him look nigh ethereal; akin to a nymph or fairy.
She didn't know who Mitsuki was to her anymore. He was so kind and so strong even when he couldn't see it himself.
Everything she wanted to be and everything she wanted. She didn't know what to think anymore.
He trusts her… she's pretty sure he knows by now… and yet he still cares for her.
She leans against him as he continues to play. Mindlessly humming to the tune he creates.
Her mind buzzes as she leans against him, her skin feels like it has set itself alight with want.
“Shirota-senpai,” she breaks the silence between them as he briefly turns his head to her.
“Hm?”
“I'm…”
Kisa hesitates. Mitsuki sat there silently, eyes ever so kind. His fingers stilling against the piano.
“I'm… a girl.”
It felt like a lump in her throat. She knew it was the truth but it felt so… wrong. So false to who she was. Like it wasn't the correct word for her identity; her life.
But she wasn't a man. She'd never imagine herself as such. She can't Invision herself as such. Yet, she was so uncomfortable with the other option.
“Shirota-senpai…” Her vision blurred and eyes stung, “I'm sorry.”
Her hands went up to cover her face but he grabbed them before she could fully hide herself.
“Don't apologize,” Shirota smiles wide, his eyes crinkling, “I have been lying about a few things too.”
Her sniffling halts, her mind stopping its incessant screaming as it waits for Shirota’s words.
“The truth is…” He goes to embrace her, his arms settling around her waist, “I've liked you for a while now.”
Her breath hitches. Her thoughts going full stop.
“I couldn't fathom to myself why I acted the way I did around you…” He presses his forehead to hers, “Or why I connected to you in a way I couldn't with others.”
He smiles, his eyes crinkling, “But I get it now.”
His eyes are glistening with unshed tears as her hand goes up to cup his cheek, “And what else?” She says softly, rubbing his cheek.
At this his mouth goes ever so slightly as he hesitates. He licks his lips as his eyes dart around her face.
“Well…” He pulled her tighter to his body, “I am similar to you, I suppose…”
It takes her a moment to register her words, but she quickly breaks into a smile.
“I like you too, you know,” Kisa brushes her nose with Shirota’s, leaning into her body, “And thank you for trusting me.”
Shirota’s shoulders visibly relax as she smiles and nods.
Shirota closes her eyes, her eyelashes fluttering against Kisa’s skin. The moonlight makes her look like a goddess in human form. It makes Kisa wonder if Mitsuki would be alright with her kissing her. How soft her lips would be…
Kisa giggles as Shirota looks at her with more unshed tears
“You okay?”
“Thanks to you, yeah.”