Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

'Hello, this is NHK 7 A.M. news. Scientists have discovered a new disease that they have named CORS, short for Cordisporism. As they have just discovered this illness, much of it is still unknown. However, scientists at the BASED lab facility have given us an overview of what they have found out about CORS and a few precautions on how to keep yourself safe from this disease.'

'Yes... this is the first disease to ever be transmitted by spores rather than germs... and only becomes active when there is a strong mental influence. We have been experimenting on what types of mental influences are necessary to activate these disease-spores, and we have discovered that affection or devotion are the key emotions for the... awakening? of them. Such disease-spores are transferred to the body by breathing. We do not currently know of anyone suffering from this disease, but experiments on the movement path of the spores suggest that they will first take root in organs such as the lungs, liver, etc., and then spread throughout the body... creating fungi. So... I guess... I mean, the initial symptoms would be coughing and a drastic loss in appetite. Oh, and a very sweet smelling stench would probably be included as well.'

'...Ah. The prevention of such a disease... would probably be to keep yourself wearing a mask, lest somebody with CORS be around your area to infect anybody with spores. And if you feel like you have the disease-spores in your body, well... try not to approach anyone... and don't fall in love. While we have no information of the infected, or if there are any patients with CORS at all, there are plenty of reasons for a person with this disease to be around your area. As we do not have a cure for this yet, and it is suspected to be fatal, please keep yourself safe.'

'Thank you for the precautions, Doctor Williams and Doctor Daisuke. Moving on to the next report...'

Chapter Text

"Tadashi's waiting for you outside, Kei."

"Thank him for the strawberries!"

     Tsukishima Kei, the tall, lanky 16-year-old, stepped outside of his house, blond hair untidied, headphones in hand, backpack lazily slung over his shoulders. He barely had the power to raise his hand to wave goodbye as his family members urged him out. Maybe his tiredness was because of Akiteru coming over. Maybe it was because he had spent the night tossing and turning because his sleep schedule was horribly irregular. Maybe it was because it was a Monday. 

     It didn't matter too much, actually. He'd walk it off on his way to school; besides, Yamaguchi would talk to him. That'd force him awake.

     As Tsukishima walked out into the spring sunlight, his best friend, Yamaguchi, greeted him with a gleeful "Tsukki!". Looking at how bright Yamaguchi's expression was, Tsukishima wondered when Yamaguchi woke up. Maybe around six in the morning. Six o'clock was usually when Yamaguchi woke up on his sleepovers in the Tsukishima house. His waking up so early in the morning would be the reason for his cheerfulness.

     "Yamaguchi." Tsukishima replied, walking straight forward as Yamaguchi walked close by. Yamaguchi took in a deep breath and exhaled, feeling the wind carrying the scent of freshly blooming flowers touch his lips. 

     "It's been a month since school started, and I still can't get used to being a second year. Especially the new first years calling me their senior." Yamaguchi remarked, breaking the thin ice that always formed on the mornings the two walked to school.

     "I dunno. I've been called a senior by the guys in the same grade as me." Tsukishima shrugged, slinging the headphones in his hands onto his neck. He then plugged the headphones' cable to his phone. Yamaguchi chuckled slightly.

 Tsukishima froze for a moment, just a moment after Yamaguchi's chuckle, and then put his phone away into his pocket.

     "I'm jealous; you're so mature and tall, that's why people mistake you for their senior." Yamaguchi said, smiling.

     "It's not like you're childish and short... like somebody else."

     "Thanks, Tsukki."

     Tsukishima looked down and kicked a pebble and nodded a 'you're welcome'. 

     "By the way, about the first years, they're pretty good, aren't they? Especially the new libero, uhh.. Nakagawa. He's understanding what Nishinoya-san's saying, surprisingly, and puts it to use."

     The conversation jumped from topic to topic with Yamaguchi doing most of the talking and Tsukishima putting himself in the discussion only when Yamaguchi asked something. Sometimes, they'd walk in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Yamaguchi brought up another topic. 

     Thirty minutes walking three kilometers an hour to school. That means school's a kilometer and a half from home. Tsukishima put himself to mental arithmetic about the first thing that came to mind when Yamaguchi talked about something he didn't want to listen to. He seldom did so, but when he did, he went too far deep into his mind.

     How long does it take Yamaguchi to get to my house? For all I know, his house could be hours away. It made Tsukishima troubled, the fact that he didn't know where Yamaguchi lived. But if he usually gets up at six, spends thirty minutes to get ready, and arrives around the time I start going to school... an hour and fifty minutes, and three kilometers an hour... 

     "Earth to Tsukki?" A freckled hand waved in front of Tsukishima's eyes. 

     "Tsukki to Earth," Tsukishima replied. It took him a moment to realize that people usually don't reply to that phrase or reply with that other phrase. Yamaguchi giggled. Tsukishima looked away, ears red.

     "What were you thinking of? We're almost there." Yamaguchi told Tsukishima, smiling. Their school was indeed getting closer. Tsukishima nodded. 

     They were quiet for a few moments.  Tsukishima felt the urge to say something, though nothing came to mind. In a childish frustration, he kicked another pebble, and it hit a bigger pebble, which rolled for a second or two. Finally, he got an idea for a conversation topic.

     "A week away from test week," Tsukishima said as if he was saying it to himself.

     "Oh yeah, did you study?"

     "No, it's not test season yet. Did go over the major subjects, though."

     "Tsukki, that's studying."

     "No."

      Yamaguchi shrugged, muttering 'if you say so'. Tsukishima was disturbed. He didn't mean for the conversation to end this quickly. There were at least three hundred meters until they arrived at school. He needed to think of something else to talk about.

     "The volleyball tournaments are really close to the test season," Tsukishima said, again with that feeling of talking to himself.

      "Well... that makes no difference to your perfect straight A's, does it?" Yamaguchi replied, the blond boy almost being able to feel the smile towards his face. "I've got to start studying harder if I want to be in the same class as you again in the third year. It's so unfair, dividing classes by grades."

     "At least we'll never be in the same class as the idiot duo."

     "True. Kageyama's scores are at least held up by Kanji, but Hinata's...."

     "A desperate case."

     "A desperate case indeed. Yacchan's doing God's work, saving him from his average scores being in the 20s." 

     Tsukishima felt the sidewalk beneath his feet as Yamaguchi again went on talking. He felt at peace knowing he was listening to his voice, at least in unconsciousness. 

     They were nearly at the school. Tsukishima took a look at his phone. 8:47. It wasn't a record-breaking time of arrival, but it was quick. At least they didn't do morning practice today. Coach Ukai was sick. They got the message that morning, so Ennoshita was getting ready for after-school practice by himself since none of them had readied for this incident.

     He glanced at Yamaguchi, talking now about what college he wanted to go to. Tsukishima didn't quite understand the way the topic shifted, but it didn't bother him.

     A few minutes later, they arrived at school.

     First to fourth period went by uneventfully, and lunch time came. Tsukishima sat at his desk, looking at the lunch his mother had made him in front of him, knowing he wouldn't take more than two bites of his bento. Yamaguchi'd eat the rest. He took out his phone, still connected to his headphones in his bag, and searched up songs to listen to.

     One or two seats away from him, Yamaguchi was sitting down in his seat, searching for the bento in his backpack. Tsukishima stared at him blankly for a moment. Then he went back to picking his music and found a suitable playlist he'd made a couple of years back. It was full of slow, jazzy pop songs; half of it was recommended by Yamaguchi, which made it Tsukishima's favorite.

     Tsukishima got his headphones from his bag and put it on. It was comfortable. He could hear nothing else other than the music. Hopefully, no idiots would disturb him.

      He noticed that Yamaguchi wasn't coming over to his desk after the third song ended. Tsukishima paused at the realization and took a look at Yamaguchi's seat.

     It was empty.

     Tsukishima paused yet again and looked around the class. The room was frizzy with energy and relief, with the smell of homemade bentos weaving around the students and into the floor and walls. And yet there was no green-haired, freckled boy in sight. Before he knew it, Tsukishima was standing up and going to Yamaguchi's seat.

     As Tsukishima arrived, he forced Yamaguchi's chair back so forcefully that it crashed into the desk of the boy behind him, making an incredible sound. The fuzzy feeling of the class evaporated instantly. All eyes were on Tsukishima, and he didn't care. He looked under the desk, knowing it was foolish. Why would Yamaguchi ever hide under the desk? It was, or course, empty as his seat.

     Tsukishima looked at the frightened boy behind him. What was his name again? Ken... something something.

     "Where's Yamaguchi?" Tsukishima asked, unintentionally threateningly.

     "I think he went to the toilet," the boy replied, his voice surprisingly steady. "With some guys from another class.

     Tsukishima nodded a thank-you and walked towards the boys' restroom, feet heavy.

     Nothing's happened, probably, Tsukishima thought. It disturbed him because it implied he had thought something had happened. He walked quicker.

     In a few moments, he was in front of the restroom. He put his hand on the door before he heard voices. Several voices. Tsukishima leaned in to listen to what they were saying. He unconsciously begged it wasn't the worst.

     "C'mon, Tadashi, you're going to keep giving us the cold shoulder?"

     It was the worst.

     There were three boys who picked on Yamaguchi—it always happens, whenever and wherever Yamaguchi is, even with Tsukishima by his side—since the first grade. Even though multiple times Tsukishima had given them the sign to stop, they kept on making fun of him until the Shiratorizawa match. Tsukishima thought they had stopped doing it completely after that. Turns out they hadn't.

     "Y'know, there's only twenty minutes left in lunchtime."

     "Forty-six, asshole. But that means we have forty-six minutes to make this bitch do whatever we want. Buy us cigarettes from the store, freckleface."

     "Freckleface, ha! He thinks he's so great, on that volleyball team, when he's not doing anything important. Just a side player, bench warmer. Idiot."

     Tsukishima couldn't hear Yamaguchi, which made the situation a whole lot worse. Tsukishima took a deep breath and lowered his heart rate that he hadn't realized had quickened. He slowly opened the door.

     At the far side of the restroom, the three boys were surrounded around a pale Yamaguchi, who was looking into the ground as if he wished for it to suddenly collapse and make them die together. 

     He looked up at Tsukishima.

     "Yamaguchi?"

     The three boys turned around. The biggest of them scoffed.

     Yamaguchi was still looking at Tsukishima.

     "Look who's here. Your master. Bark for him, bit-"

     Before he could finish, a fist was flying to their faces.

     "So... in defense of Yamaguchi, you had knocked out all three of these students?"

     "That's basically how it went."

     The principal's office was filled with a very clean smell, with plants unknown to Tsukishima's knowledge filling the room, and the old black sofa the two best friends were sitting on looking too weak to hold their weight. The glass table that separated them from the principal was littered with documents. Then, in front of them, the man in charge of the school. 

     The principal looked at Tsukishima in the eyes. Tsukishima stared right back. Yamaguchi was beside Tsukishima, fidgeting anxiously but not speaking a single word.

     "You know that violence in this school is not acceptable for any reason at all?"

     "I have to add underage smoking was implied, and that's a crime."

     "Assault is a crime."

     "Then I'll have them going down with me to jail."

     "You're not going to jail, Kei... Tsukishima Kei." The principal sighed and buried his face in his hands.

     "I'm aware."

     "If only you'd cooperate, Yamaguchi! I believe all that you're saying, Tsukishima, and those students have been a sore thumb of mine so I have every reason to want to get them expelled" (Damn, he's saying that out loud? Doesn't he know I have connections to basically every light-mouthed yapper in Japan?) "but we need more than just 'they called him names' to make this a school violence incident that'll legally give me a reason to keep Yamaguchi safe from those thug boys. I need evidence, proof that it was consistent and severe." The principal looked up and let his hands fall to his knees.

     Tsukishima turned his gaze to Yamaguchi, who looked back at him timidly. 

     I'm trying not to say anything, Tsukki, said Yamaguchi's eyes.

     "But, Tsukishima, you still punched those kids. You will need proper punishment, and that includes after-school classes." The principal continued.

     Both of the boys became alert at this information. "Until when?" Tsukishima asked quickly, again looking at the principal.

     "Not set in stone, really, but one to two hours after school for a week or so."

     Tsukishima knew there'd still be time for evening practice, but there'd only be around thirty minutes left. Such magnificent timing, Tsukishima thought. Two weeks before the actual competition and one week I'm barely allowed to practice.

     "Well, that'd be the end of today's talk. And Yamaguchi, come talk to me about them when you get the heart to tell me. And Tsukishima, don't forget to meet me after school. Sorry to take so much of your lunch time off. I'll be speaking to those problematic three next."

     They were excused. 

     Yamaguchi glanced at Tsukishima, his face back to its regular color—a bit more of it, the taller boy noticed—and every muscle tense.

     "Tsukki, I-"

     "Don't," Tsukishima cut him off immediately. Yamaguchi relaxed a bit, then looked away. Tsukishima started walking towards his class, Yamaguchi following shortly behind. 

     "Did I thank you for the strawberries?" Tsukishima asked lowly. Yamaguchi shook his head. They were in front of their class now. Both of them paused and looked at each other. Then they went on. Downstairs, outside of the school, just inside of campus. 

     There were five minutes left of lunch time when Yamaguchi opened his mouth.

     "Thanks for covering for me, Tsukki." He muttered, looking down.

     "We need you in volleyball practice," Tsukishima said flatly, devoid of emotion. "We can't do with you in suspension because of you hitting other kids."

     "You say that as if you're not important to the team," Yamaguchi replied, barely audible. Tsukishima shrugged.

     "The team could do without me, anyway. Besides, nobody will believe you were the one who really punched them." 

Chapter Text

     "Alright!"

     "One touch!"

     "Hinata-san, last!"

     The sounds of volleyball shoes squeaking against the floor filled the gymnasium. The night was dark, but the matches were still going on. Some team in the farther side of Miyagi had asked Karasuno for a practice match. Takeda-sensei had worked it all out with the help of some texts by a sick Coach Ukai. Ennoshita had also gotten over it thoroughly.

     It was around their eighth set when Tsukishima finally got to the gym. His after-school class was horrible, in his opinion, with too much talking and faked empathy that nobody asked for. His being uncooperative caused the class to finish at 7:28. 

     Tsukishima peeked into the gym, changing into his volleyball shoes. 18 - 21. Karasuno was on the losing side. What did he expect? Karasuno was the type to learn from failures to an extreme amount.

     Yamaguchi was swapped in with Hinata going out. The mood was the worst. Was this the first practice match for the first years? Man, what a horrifying experience this must be for them. They probably thought that since Karasuno regained its powerhouse status, they'd win every match. Tsukishima wondered how many sets they lost before this.

     The other team looked totally full of themselves. Tsukishima scoffed.

     Yamaguchi stepped onto the court, face calm. Nishinoya glanced back and gave him a thumbs-up, smiling. Yamaguchi smiled back. The whistle rang.

      Yamaguchi threw the ball up into the air, the anxious uncertainty from his first year gone completely, replaced with a confidence that shined in the dark mood of their side of the court. It was a confidence that Tsukishima saw often. Yamaguchi's feet were off the floor, and his hands had found the ball.

     In a few minutes Karasuno was in the lead. The court's atmosphere was completely turned over to them. It was visible that the other team had found an instinctive fear of Yamaguchi. A faint smile touched Tsukishima's lips as the other team became more and more aware of the hidden soldier in Karasuno's midst. 

     Did they not put him in for the past few sets? Tsukishima thought. His smile disappeared as soon as it showed up.

     He noticed his shoes had been on for quite a while now. Before he could enter, he heard Kinoshita chuckle and say to Narita : "That kid's going to eat me up one day."

     "Yeah, well, duh," Tsukishima muttered to himself before entering the gym.

     The first one to notice was Hinata. He yelled on top of his voice that Tsukishima had arrived and everyone looked at the entrance door. So did Yamaguchi, who was preparing for another serve. He gleefully called out, "Tsukki!"

     Takeda-sensei asked the coach of the other team to pause for a minute, and he accepted. Everyone rushed to greet Tsukishima, but Takeda-sensei stopped them and went up to Tsukishima with such an unapproachable aura that nobody could go against.

     "Tsukishima-kun," He started. "After this match we'll have a word. Besides that, get in the court while the mood's still good."

     Tsukishima hated the fact that he had yet another after-school talking-to, but he couldn't deny the aura that Takeda-sensei was emitting. Flinching slightly, he nodded at him, and took off his jersey. Tsukishima was switched in with the new first year middle blocker... which he had forgotten the name of. His name started with a Wa, probably.

     It was still Yamaguchi's serve, though the server himself hadn't noticed in the excitement of seeing Tsukishima again. Hinata yelled out that it was still his serve, which was a reminder to both Karasuno and the opposing team that this was not over.

     The impromptu judge blowed the whistle. The match was starting again.

     "Nice serve." Tsukishima said to Yamaguchi. Despite their distance, Yamaguchi heard.

     "I'm back," Tsukishima announced as he entered his house. Yamaguchi was waving from outside, and Tsukishima motioned vaguely with his hand as a wave back. He looked at his phone. 9:14. All of the Karasuno members had so much stamina, and Tsukishima had tried to keep up. Couldn't say that it was his best, though.

     There was also the talk with Takeda-sensei, which had taken only a few words but had carved into his mind that he should never lay a single finger on another person again. He seemed decently okay with Kei being rude to others, though.

     The middle door opened, revealing a welcome-looking Akiteru. Kei took off his shoes, pretending not to see him. 

     "Hey, Kei." Akiteru gestured to take Kei's bag. Kei gave it to him while standing up in a swift motion.

     "You're up to some crazy shenanigans in school, aren't you?" Akiteru led Kei into the living room, his carefree expression unchanging. "We got a call from the principal that you punched some kids. Is it true?"

      "Technically," Kei muttered. He looked at Akiteru's face for a moment, thought about how it was empty of worry. Didn't it make Akiteru nervous that his younger brother got into problems at school? Or at the very least anxious?

     "You're going to go on about how atoms don't touch so you didn't technically punch them," Akiteru laughed. He threw Kei's bag onto the sofa.

     "I just wanted to give a vague response," Kei responded lowly.

     Completely ignoring that comment, Akiteru continued : "I also heard that you did that for Tadashi. Nice job, didn't know you had that side in you."

     "'K, thanks," Kei went into his room as he noticed a notification from Yamaguchi. A text, asking whether or not Kei arrived at home safely.

>Tadashi

u at home now?

<tsuki

You left me off when I was half a meter away from home

>Tadashi

a lot can happen in that 50cm

like

a machete 

(/--)/

<tsuki

I don't think a machete'd happen in 50cm

You at home?

>Tadashi

no still goingvf

btw u did so good in the practice matches tsukki ＼(^-^)／

i would have never expected them to go that way in the middle of the match

<tsuki

Thx

You carried though

>Tadashi 

(^з^)-☆

i might have 2 sleep at ur housE tomorrow

<tsuki

Ok

Stop looking at your phone while walking

>Tadashi

okok!!

     Kei threw the phone onto his bed. He was feeling too tired to do anything at the moment. Then he joined his phone into the bed. Only after that did he notice how drenched in sweat he was. He turned onto his back and took off his glasses and headphones. His mother was probably still in the other garden. Kei doubted she had heard him enter. Maybe Akiteru had gone off to tell her.

     I should take a shower, Kei thought, placing his glasses next to him and letting his headphones fall to the ground as it slipped from the edge of his bed sheets.

     I should think about how the laws for teenagers breaking the law is too weak, Kei changed the course of his thoughts. I wish those idiots would stink in jail forever. I wish they'd become immortal and see everyone they love die. Then they'd be placed into a torture chamber where they'd be placed in eternal pain, starting with social neglect all the way down to peppered water down their noses...

     "Kei, you stink! Take a shower." His mother called out from just outside the door. So Akiteru had told his mother. Her tone was slightly sharper than usual. 

     With a heavy groan he sat up and paused because of the immediate elevation change. He stood up. His mother was standing in the doorway,  her gardening clothes not fully taken off uet. Kei looked at her. She didn't look too angry, just... slightly agitated.

     Kei walked towards his drawer, took out his nightclothes. He tried to ignore the intense stare boring through his head, and failed miserably.

     "I won't do anything like it again." Kei walked out, his mother letting him pass. 

     On the couch was Akiteru, in one of the most comfortable positions Tsukishima had ever seen. Why did he come here in the first place? Was is just because he wanted to? Was that the type of freedom that college students had? 

     Kei wondered what Yamaguchi would think of him. Maybe as a person, maybe as a friend. Something in him said that he'd rather have Akiteru gone by tomorrow when Yamaguchi came over. He opened the door to the bathroom.

     Freckles...

     Freckles all over...

     On my face and on my body...

     I hate washing...

     Cough...

     What would Tsukki think?

     Tsukishima patiently waited for the phone on his bed to ring. Yamaguchi would call. It was a Monday thing. Tsukishima thought about whether or not to call him first, then stopped. Yamaguchi took longer showers. He might still be washing.

     Tsukishima sat on his chair. His eyelids weighed a kilogram. He thought that if he was on the bed, he would fall asleep for his tiredness. He didn't want to fall asleep before he had his Monday calls with Yamaguchi. Besides, he could think more about the matches that day. 

     It wasn't too long before he had recalled, understood and analyzed all the data he had gotten from the matches he had played that day. Now Tsukishima was really tired. He glanced at his phone. Still no call. He threw his head back and groaned.

     Tsukishima decided he would put the analyzed data into his notebook. It was totally fresh, as Akiteru had bought it for him yesterday. As if Kei didn't have enough notes in his room, anyway.

     He finished sketching out the seventh tactic the other team had used when his phone rang. In less than three seconds he picked it up.

     "Hello? Ahh, Tsukki! Sorry for being so late."

     "Yeah, took you long enough..."

     Yamaguchi giggled, and Tsukishima was thankful that they weren't on video call. He went to his bed and sat there. He wouldn't fall asleep when he was on a call with Yamaguchi.

     "You sound so tired! We don't need to have a call today if you don't want to," Yamaguchi said over the phone. Before the sentence was over, Tsukishima replied : "No thanks."

     There was a stunned pause and then Yamaguchi laughed. Tsukishima muttered something similar to an apology. 

     The call was mainly similar to their morning walks to schools, with Yamaguchi switching up the topics as often as they got bored of it. There were some scattered coughs here and there, which did not go unnoticed by Tsukishima, but he did nothing about it. 

     Just before Tsukishima's mother would call him to sleep, Tsukishima asked a question that had been meaning too ask for not too long a while. 

     "Why are you sleeping over tomorrow?"

     There was an immediate silence, with the silence being too sudden and serious for a silence that followed such a question. Tsukishima held his phone intently into his ear. He had only asked it because he was mildly curious, but the unexpected reaction held him hooked now.

     A full minute passed with only Yamaguchi's breath being audible. It was so dreadfully quiet in Tsukishima's room that he started to get slightly worried.

     Yamaguchi coughed. Akiteru loudly sneezed from the living room.

     "Is that Akiteru-san?" Yamaguchi asked. 

     "Yeah," Tsukishima replied. Yamaguchi made a noise between a hum and a chuckle. Then he sighed.

     "I'll tell you tomorrow, okay, Tsukki? Good night." Yamaguchi told Tsukishima. Then he hung up on the phone. 

     He never hangs up first, Tsukishima told himself. I shouldn't have asked that.

Chapter Text

     "I've liked you for a while, Tsukishima-kun. Will you... go out with me?"

     Tsukishima couldn't keep the disgust and humiliation from his face as he tried his best to politely refuse the confession from the girl he had never seen before. She was on the prettier side, much prettier than some of the girls who had confessed to him, but he simply wasn't interested.

     Well, the girl caught on to the fact that Tsukishima really just didn't care for her. She slouched and nodded, then walked away sulking. Yamaguchi popped up from somewhere. Tsukishima didn't notice that he had been gone.

     "Why'd you go away?" Tsukishima asked in a completely different tone from which he had rejected the girl.

     "I didn't want to third wheel," Yamaguchi replied, coughing slightly, looking troubled. He got straight back to Tsukishima's side as they started walking towards the gymnasium again.

     "You know better than me accepting that shit," Tsukishima muttered. He looked at his wristwatch and saw that it was 6:58 a.m. 

     That girl has serious dedication, waiting for me since dawn, Tsukishima thought. But every story's got to have a plot. She can't just jump to the resolution when we haven't even started the exposition yet. Besides, I'm not interested. I'm not interested...

     He looked at Yamaguchi, who looked straight back. He still seemed troubled. Tsukishima wondered what for.

     They had morning practice again. Coach Ukai had made a miraculous recovery with the help of 19 hours of sleep and a slight overdose on the prescribed medicine. The first time they met him that day, Coach Ukai was red in the eyes and yawning like crazy. Next to him, Takeda-sensei was counting the medicine. 

      "Good morning," Yamaguchi called as he entered the gym. Ennoshita and Tanaka waved. Kageyama said the same to him back. Then Hinata jumped onto him, and they started to fight. Tsukishima laughed haughtily as a confused Yamaguchi ran to stop them.

     "A'ight, you freak duo, stop fighting and start stretching. We've got a long day ahead of us." Coach Ukai called out hoarsely. Tsukishima walked to the side of the gym and got out of his jersey.

     He stood there in front of the wall for a while, holding the jersey in his arms. He didn't want to stretch. He didn't quite feel like stretching. Tsukishima let the cloth in his arms fall to the ground. 

     "Tsukishima-san, aren't you stretching?" A voice was heard from his side. He looked round to see the a first year. 

     Mind your own business, Tsukishima wanted to say. Instead, he said, "Ah. I will. Just after I find my sports glasses." Tsukishima then fled to Yamaguchi, not wanting to engage in conversation with the kouhai longer.

     "Yamaguchi. Do you have my glasses?" Tsukishima asked to a lightly stretching Yamaguchi. His best friend smiled and replied, "Sure. I think it's in my bag. In the purple case. You know what it looks like, right?"

     "I know how my own stuff looks like." Tsukishima grumbled as he bent down to reach into Yamaguchi's bag. As he fumbled inside, he couldn't not hear the coughing from above his head.

     He got the case and felt it in his hand for a bit before he stood up. Yamaguchi was clearing his throat, or sneezing. Or both. Tsukishima wasn't too sure what it was specifically.

     "What diverse sounds you make, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima quietly told a confused Yamaguchi as he left his vicinity.

     About ten minutes of stretching with the teammates flowed by, and Coach Ukai called them over, made them sit down, and announced that they were running laps around the school grounds that day. Most of the Karasuno members groaned, Hinata, Kageyama, Yamaguchi and Nishinoya being the only exceptions. They never said no to running laps. Though Tsukishima couldn't put his mind off of the fact that Yamaguchi still looked like he was troubled.

     What's wrong with him? Should I have accepted that girl's confession or something? As soon as the second thought came into Tsukishima's mind, he cringed. That's not the type of stuff Yamaguchi likes, even if he oozes on about wanting to get a valentines day card every February.

     Before he had time to elaborate on any of the thoughts he had, Ennoshita stood up, clapped his hands and told the team to get ready.

     "And you two, match the pace with the others," Ennoshita emphasized to Kageyama and Hinata. "Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, I want to say that to you two as well, in a different meaning. Yamaguchi, don't fall behind because Tsukishima's slacking off, all right?"

     Coach Ukai smiled and whispered something to Takeda-sensei. Tsukishima assumed it was about Ennoshita's leadership or whatever. Ennoshita continued and gave a few instructions to the first years, then they went out of the gym.

     They got ready in grade order, third years going first, second years going second, first years going last. Tsukishima almost didn't hear the starting whistle because he was thinking about Yamaguchi's troubled expression, still wanting to know the reason behind it.

     Almost immediately, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi fell behind. It may have been that they had been going at a perfectly fine pace, and Kageyama and Hinata were the ones going absurdly fast, and so the other two looked slow in comparison. In an instant the two best friends were alone together.

     Tsukishima looked over his shoulder, saw that the first years were still in their lines, and lowered his pace a little. He breathed through his nose, knowing by far too much experience than he would like to have that breathing through your mouth dehydrated his throat. 

      Close to him was Yamaguchi. Tsukishima knew that he wanted to say that they were going too slow but didn't have the heart to say it. 

     "The cherry blossoms are falling," Yamaguchi spoke as he looked around.

     "They've been falling since March." 

     "It's a lot dirtier than they say in the books."

     "In what book do they depict cherry blossoms falling?"

     "Well, yeah, I guess. But it's poetic in its own right, isn't it, Tsukki? Dirty falling of cherry blossom trees..."

     Tsukishima was about to say "save your breath" when Yamaguchi started coughing. It was on a different level to the coughs that Yamaguchi had when they were on yesterday's call. He came to an abrupt halt, needing to sustain himself by putting his hands on his knees. Tsukishima stopped as well, just a couple meters in front, and looked back at him. A few breaths were taken as the wind swept them away and made Yamaguchi cough more.

     Tsukishima thought about asking Yamaguchi whether or not he was okay. He didn't. He watched as Yamaguchi painfully took one of his hands to motion that Tsukishima should go without him. Tsukishima stood still, face distorted in a look of fear that rarely came across his expressions.

     He slowly walked towards Yamaguchi as the coughing didn't stop. The few breaks between coughs sounded like they were desperate for air, desperate for it to stop. Tsukishima reached an unsure hand towards Yamaguchi as the first years neared over the corner.

     "Yamaguchi-san?" One of the first years asked as they came closer.

     "Take Yamaguchi to the nurse." He commanded after too much hesitation as the other first years swiftly passed by with some amount of concern in their expressions. The first year nodded and quickly escorted Yamaguchi back into the school facilities. Tsukishima felt the inside of his soul twist as Yamaguchi looked back at him, the coughing subsiding substantially.

     He slowly turned back and forced his heavy feet to start running again.

     What am I doing? I should go there, I should be the one taking him to the nurse... Tsukishima thought to himself, feeling for the first time that the wind was blowing against him. 

     Pathetic, aren't I?

     He let his mouth open to sigh.

     "I really thought I was dying too, Tsukki! I could barely breathe. It was lucky that the first years arrived just on time."

     School had ended. Tsukishima's after-school talk had conceded. Evening practice was over an entire hour earlier than yesterday (Yamaguchi agreed with Tsukishima that it was probably because there were no practice matches). 

     They were both headed for Tsukishima's house for the sleepover. Yamaguchi had shifted the topic towards his almost-death during the morning jog. Tsukishima doubted that his friend thought that it was all Tsukishima's fault. And yet his heart skipped a beat whenever anybody mentioned Yamaguchi's condition. He felt the weight of his headphones on his neck weigh down his shoulders.

     "The nurse was really confused, but she said it was probably just a cough and got me some meds. They're as big as Hokkaido. I bet you could swallow it all in one gulp, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi continued gleefully.

     "My height doesn't equal to my throat diameter," Tsukishima replied quietly. Yamaguchi giggled.

     "Speaking of diseases, about flowerfall-" Yamaguchi started.

     "Flowerfall? What's that?" Tsukishima interrupted.

     "The new disease going all over the internet. I thought you watched the news, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi teased. The edge of Tsukishima's ears tingled, but his face remained aloof.

     "Cordisporism? The one where you fall in love, you die?" Tsukishima recalled waking up to his mother watching the news one day in February.

     "Yeah, that one. I guess, since you only use your phone for music, you wouldn't know that people call it flowerfall nowadays. It's a real romantic way to die, isn't it?" Yamaguchi continued. Tsukishima dared not ask why the topic had shifted in this direction.

     "Apparently, they bloom flower mimics inside the body," Yamaguchi said. "Hence the internet name."

     "I was just wondering why they didn't call it fungifall," Tsukishima replied. As Yamaguchi coughed lightly, Tsukishima saw his house nearing on the horizon.

     "My mom doesn't know about you coming over," Tsukishima told Yamaguchi, knowing far too well that his mother probably thought of Yamaguchi as the better son she never had. In the back of his consciousness, he suspected that she may even love Yamaguchi more than Akiteru. 

     Yamaguchi looked surprised at the information and said, "You should tell her, Tsukki!"

     "No, she wouldn't care..." Tsukishima replied, knowing it was truth. 

     A few minutes of silence passed, and they had arrived at the Tsukishima house. Only after Tsukishima had half opened the door did he remember the fact that Akiteru was still there. He paused for just a millisecond before opening the door fully.

     "I'm back," Kei announced. As he expected, Akiteru greeted him first. He was looking about as carefree as yesterday. 

      "Hey, Kei- hey, Tadashi! What a nice surprise. Come in, mom's just been cooking dinner. Didn't think you would come this fast!" Akiteru welcomed Yamaguchi, Kei furrowing his brows as his brother lightly pushed Yamaguchi in. 

     "Whatcha doing, Kei? Come in!" Akiteru told a still standing Kei. Kei nodded, grumbled some unintelligible mumblings, and took his shoes off as he went into his house.

     The inside of the house was filled with the scent of a freshly cooked home meal. Yamaguchi seemed to melt at the delicious smell of it all, and Kei found himself staring at that sight. He took his eyes off of him with some difficulty.

      Tsukishima's mother saw that they had come in as she flipped over the last fried egg, finding Kei first and Yamaguchi second. Her facial expressions varied much when her line of vision shifted from one to another. 

      "Hello, Tadashi!" She greeted with around the same energy as Akiteru. "You ate your dinner bento, didn't you? I know for a fact that Kei didn't. You don't need a second helping?" Yamaguchi politely refused, surprising Tsukishima's mother for a moment before she accepted it with a light smile.

      "Akiteru, get sheets ready for Tadashi in Kei's room," She commanded Akiteru. The commanded brother saluted, then ran off into the master bedroom. Yamaguchi chuckled, Kei cringed. They went into Kei's bedroom quickly.

     "She treats you like you're her grandson," Kei said as he closed the door behind him.

     "I don't care about that," Yamaguchi replied, sounding sure of every word. It shut Kei up for a while.

     "What do we do now, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asked.

     "What do you mean?"

     "Like, it's a sleepover. Let's do normal sleepover stuff, like games and... stuff." 

     "Do you have energy for that? Because I don't."

     "True. Neither do I." Yamaguchi shrugged and walked around the room, examining every aspect of Kei's room as if he didn't know every inch of it already from the past sleepovers.

      He stopped in front of a drawer and looked at Kei.

     "Can I look at your glasses?" Yamaguchi asked.

     "No," Kei and Yamaguchi said in unison. Yamaguchi giggled. Kei let himself a smile. "I thought you would say so," Yamaguchi said. 

     Kei took off the headphones on his neck and went to hang it on the wall. Meanwhile, Yamaguchi looked up and saw his mini-library of notebooks, mostly untouched. Then he noticed a notebook that was open on his desk.

     Yamaguchi picked it up as Kei turned around and fell onto his bed. Kei was aware of the fact that he was looking into his notebook, but it didn't bother him that much. There was nothing too important in it anyway. Yamaguchi turned to face Kei, and began to say something when Akiteru burst into the room.

     "The sheets have arrived! Now I'm going to go eat dinner." Akiteru threw the sheets on the floor, then shut the door with too much tension for such a menial task.

     "If only Nii-chan didn't announce himself in every time he goes into a room, my relationship with him would be much better," Kei uttered. Yamaguchi let out a short laugh that turned into a cough as he opened his mouth again.

     "What's this, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asked, pointedly at the notebook in his hands.

     "Nii-chan gave it to me a couple of days ago," Kei explained. "I scribbled in that when I was waiting for your call yesterday."

     "These are... tactics from yesterday's team?" Yamaguchi asked, flipping the pages over, and then not waiting for an answer, he followed up with : "Can I have this?"

     It was an unexpected question that Kei's brain somehow led back to the coughing that morning. He reluctantly accepted. Yamaguchi smiled widely and thanked him, casually pulling the notebook to his chest. Kei felt that the tingling from his ears had moved over to his cheeks.

     "Let's get the sheets ready," Kei muttered, finalizing the notebook conversation.

     The sheets didn't take long to get organized. They didn't ask about who was going to sleep where. Kei was on the bed, and Yamaguchi was on the floor. That was how it had always been. Yamaguchi coughed as they finished getting to pillows down to the sheets.

     "Do you need water?" Kei asked. Yamaguchi's face flushed, and he shook his head. 

     Kei couldn't put down a nagging feeling he was forgetting something. If I forgot it, it mustn't be something of too much importance, Kei thought as he put down a pillow from his bed.

     The both of them stood still for quite a while before Yamaguchi went to take a shower. It didn't take as long as Kei expected it to be. Then Kei went next. In an hour or so the two of them were back in Kei's room in pajamas and comfortable clothing.

     Kei was amused by the irony of the conflict happening in his mind. I should ask Yamaguchi why he was so troubled during morning practice, one side of him said. The other replied, Well, I bet he doesn't even remember that now. And besides, how are you going to say it? 'Hey Yamaguchi, what made you look so troubled this morning?' As if we have a better selection of words to choose from!

     He thought about it until he felt Yamaguchi's stare on his skin. The tingles spread to his neck. He put a hand to there, and gave in to the elephant in the room : I'm tired, he's tired, let's just sleep; we can talk about this tomorrow or something.

     "I'm just going to turn off the lights," Kei announced. Yamaguchi nodded and tucked himself into the sheets. He put the notebook under his pillow as a child did with their fallen tooth. Kei looked at how peaceful Yamaguchi looked for a moment, then turned the lights off.

     As he went to his bed, he heard Yamaguchi sigh, "You're so cool, Tsukki."

     Kei took off his glasses and put them on his desk. Then he went into the bed. He put the sheets on himself and closed his eyes.

     Yet sleep didn't come to him.

     As he lay awake, he heard Akiteru finish his meal, his mother clean up all the dishes, chat a bit, and then go to bed. It was devastatingly silent around the house for a few hours.

     Kei knew why he couldnt sleep. He'd never dare to admit it, but it was because of Yamaguchi.

     He chewed on what Yamaguchi had said before bed, every word, every syllable, every letter of it in his mouth. It wasn't much to think about, right? It was just his best friend complimenting him. Yet that single statement made Kei toss and turn.

     Am I really that cool, or am I just cool to you? Kei asked himself. After a few minutes he gave himself the answer. It's probably the latter. Nobody thinks of someone who doesn't even try to care for them as cool. What kind of cool person leaves their friend just hacking their lungs out?

     Only after Akiteru's loud snoring quietened into something barely audible, only after Yamaguchi's slightly uneasy breathing filled the mind of Kei, only after the moonlight that hadn't been covered by the curtains shone on Yamaguchi's face serenely, had Kei bared to reply.

     "So are you."

Chapter Text

    2002. 8. 5.

     Hello diary!!!!

     Today in school I learned adding double digits together!!!

   So that means 17 + 19 is

     uhh

    38!!!!!

     I came back home and mama's smoking in the house again <(T_T)>

     daddy tells her to stop but she keeps on doing it!! I learned in school that you shouldn't smoke either, so I told my class that my mama smokes in the house. 

     Anyway

     Mama and daddy are fighting again but I know that they're going to stop because daddy loves mama!!

   I hope daddy loves me as much as mama

     Because he certainly isn't showing it very well.

     "Do you have perfume on?" Tsukishima asked Yamaguchi, making him sniff his sleeve. He refrained from adding on that fact that he looked pale; Tsukishima didn't want Yamaguchi thinking he cared for him too much.

     "Oh, no, but I do smell pretty sweet today, don't I?" Yamaguchi smiled. "It's probably because of all that fruit your mother chopped up for us as breakfast. It's admirable how she wakes up that early just for you." 

     "It's not that big of a thing..." Tsukishima muttered, only realizing then that he had forgotten his headphones at his home when he had put his hands in his pockets, not feeling the cables in them. He sighed. No hiding away from idiots now, Tsukishima thought. 

     "It's totally admirable for me," Yamaguchi sighed, not losing his smile. "Lots of families don't have mothers. They'd say the same."

      Tsukishima suppressed the urge to ask Yamaguchi if he didn't have a mother, knowing he'd laugh halfway into the sentence. He kept on walking, again feeling the sidewalk under his feet. He stepped over a pebble, feeling the little thing on all sides that were exposed. Tsukishima pursed his lips and kept them that way as Yamaguchi kept on talking, babbling on to no end. 

     But it didn't sound too much like babbling to Tsukishima, though he would never admit it.

     They had passed Shimada mart when Yamaguchi started coughing. Tsukishima froze, then grabbed the water bottle from his bag as he hurried to give it to Yamaguchi. A few coughs passed before Yamaguchi stopped, Tsukishima noticing a glint of yellow in his friend's hands, passing it off as a light reflected from his glasses. Yamaguchi rubbed his hands on his pants, then looked at Tsukishima, who was still holding out his water bottle.

     "Ah, Tsukki... thanks," Yamaguchi said as he took the bottle from Tsukishima's hands and drank from it, taking care to not touch it with his lips. Tsukishima looked as Yamaguchi gulped down the water, thinking what to do if he choked on the water too. Thankfully, that didn't happen.

    "Thanks, Tsukki," Yamaguchi repeated as he finished drinking, handing the bottle back to Tsukishima. It was much lighter than when it was given. Tsukishima took it back and put it in his bag, looking at Yamaguchi, who was avoiding eye contact. 

      Tsukishima shrugged a "You're welcome." Yamaguchi smiled, noticeably weakly. They resumed walking to school.

      After a few minutes, Yamaguchi cleared his throat (though Tsukishima nervously reached for the inside of his bag) to start speaking. 

     "Sorry, Tsukki."

     Tsukishima didn't ask why he was sorry.

     They were quiet for the entirety of the rest of the walk to school.

    Morning practice was over, and Tsukishima had changed into his school uniform. There were a decent number of people in the second-year floor's corridor as he stepped out of the boys' dressing room. Yamaguchi was waiting for him outside, as he had changed first. One day, they had just decided it was too awkward for them to change clothes together, so they changed, one before the other. Tsukishima was the latter for that day.

     "I need your help on some math homework, Tsukki," Yamaguchi told Tsukishima as they walked across the hall. "Rurigaki-sensei's so hard on us. Except on you, Tsukki. You're his favorite student!"

     "Shut up, Yamaguchi." Tsukishima opened the front door to their homeroom, which they had arrived at.

     "Sorry, Tsukki," Yamaguchi giggled, and Tsukishima blushed. He looked at the boy right next to him, feeling some sort of estrangement from him now. That feeling, Tsukishima's body responded with a quickening heartbeat. Tsukishima quickly walked to his seat, hiding his face, leaving a confused Yamaguchi behind.

     He wanted to put on his headphones and play the loudest music known to man, though he knew he forgot to get his headphones from home. So he pulled out the math notebook from his bag and motioned for Yamaguchi to come over. He watched as he put down his bag, got his math homework out, and walked to Tsukishima's desk. It was a scene that Tsukishima had seen several times before, yet it felt so unfamiliar now.

     Why so suddenly? Tsukishima wondered as his friend neared. He flipped open to the page where he had written out all the solutions to the math problems in their homework (he'd done it all and handed it in on the previous day, of course) in a slightly desperate attempt to put his mind to somewhere else. He failed as Yamaguchi pulled up a chair and took a seat next to him.

     "Do you think we can get this done before attendance, Tsukki?" The now-seated Yamaguchi asked. 

     Tsukishima shrugged, answered : "Depends on how many questions you got wrong." Yamaguchi laughed nervously, and Tsukishima knew in an instant that he had gotten many questions wrong.

     Yamaguchi was going to be with him, asking him about math, for probably longer than the twenty minutes they had before attendance - and for some reason, Tsukishima didn't hate it. And it wasn't just because Yamaguchi was his best (semi-only) friend. He admitted that to himself.

     "Open up to the homework page," Tsukishima commanded, all professor-y, at which Yamaguchi laughed at. He hoped the sunlight coming from the window close to them hid how red his face was. He thought again - why so suddenly?

     Yamaguchi opened the math workbook, revealing a rain of red crosses and checks and an occasional circle or two. Tsukishima didn't expect it to be this bad, but he wasn't against it. He took the book from Yamaguchi's hands and flipped over the pages, checking out the questions his friend got wrong, while the friend in question whined about how he "Really didn't think that math was his thing" or "the problems were so difficult, he didn't expect them to even step foot in the actual test". Tsukishima listened.

     Finally, after a few minutes of constant complaining and several compliments about Tsukishima's calculation skills, Tsukishima chirped up.

     "You're getting a lot of the application questions wrong," He pointed out. "You're understanding the basic principles of it, and you get what you're supposed to do, but you don't know how exactly. Like... ¼x here should be ¾x. I'll show you the formula..."

     Tsukishima had given Yamaguchi the basic instructions to solving most of the problems he had gotten wrong, and Yamaguchi let out a sigh of understanding, complimented Tsukishima yet again, and went on trying to answer the math questions. 

     Now, Tsukishima could think about the question in his head in peace. 

      Why so suddenly?

      Another question came unbidden into his mind.

     Why not up until now?

     And another.

     Why today?

     Calm down, he announced to his brain as he watched Yamaguchi write (scribble?) on the workbook. It won't mean too much. My mind just isn't stable because I don't have my headphones on.

     Yet as the thought passed his mind, he noticed how the sunlight fell upon Yamaguchi's face, as serene as yesterday night, biting his nails as he wrote down numbers and equations. Tsukishima looked away, directly into the sunlight. Maybe that'd make a decent excuse for his being so red. 

     He's my best friend, Tsukishima thought as he watched a bird fly over a mountain in the distance. Admiration's what I'm feeling for him. I just didn't know it until now because... because...

     "Tsukki, is this right?" Yamaguchi asked, pushing the workbook toward the taller boy slightly.

     "No," Tsukishima replied, without looking.

     Unsurprisingly, they had not managed to finish the math homework before attendance, as a lot of it was eaten up by Tsukishima explaining (or trying to find a a credible reason around) why he had answered "No" in such a way. It was laughed... coughed around by Yamaguchi.

     "It's fine," He said as he got his things from Tsukishima's desk as the bell rang. "I'll submit it tomorrow. Thanks for the help, Tsukki!"

     The first period was science. Tsukishima watched as, for the first time in his life, Yamaguchi was getting reprimanded for continuing to do his math homework in class. They discussed this lightly on the recess immediately after, coming to the conclusion that Yamaguchi did indeed do wrong. It was mostly a one-sided conversation, though.

     The second period was Language Arts. It didn't take a genius to realize that Yamaguchi was coughing from the intense amount of powder on the teacher's face, but the teacher was less than a not-genius, and Yamaguchi was reprimanded yet again for breaking the "educational mood". But the two best friends knew that one was not coughing because of their teacher's cosmetics. The second period ended.

     The end-of-class bell rung and their classmates noticed that Yamaguchi was being getting criticized for stupid reasons, but all of them said nothing, Tsukishima included, but he didn't need to talk for Yamaguchi to understand how he was feeling.

    Yamaguchi looked paler than during the morning. He looked up at Tsukishima as the tall boy approached. He coughed lightly, and then it got a bit worse before Tsukishima leaned over onto his desk. 

     "Water?" He asked, a bit too caringly than he would usually let himself. Yamaguchi continued to look up at Tsukishima, not replying, but the slight return of blood in Yamaguchi's cheeks were enough of a response for his friend. 

     The class was filled with the squeaking of too-old chairs, chatters from girls about the weather (Why, though?), a couple of boys being yelled at for bringing treats to school... the school was alive. The two friends stayed quiet in this aliveness for a few more moments. 

     He wants to be out of this school. The thought entered the back of Tsukishima's mind.

     "Get a sick leave," Tsukishima told Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi smiled weakly, and he put the books that were on his desk into his bag, then his pens into his pencil case and then into the bag as well. 

     "I'll text you when I get home," he said.

     "I won't have access to my phone in class," Tsukishima replied.

      "Still," Yamaguchi insisted. "I'll text you when I get home."

>Tadashi

im home tsukki!

10:19 a.m.

<tsuki

Cool

Sleep

10:17 p.m.

Chapter Text

     Yamaguchi didn't come to class on Thursday. Nor did he come on Friday. 

     Well, at least on Thursday, Yamaguchi had sent a text to Tsukishima that he didn't feel good. Today there was nothing. No text, no call, no anything. Several times, before going to school, Tsukishima thought about texting Yamaguchi whether or not he was okay. But he didn't—why, when he could just go to school on his own? He didn't need Yamaguchi in his life to survive or something. 

     That was what Tsukishima thought before going to school alone for the first time in years, for the second time. Little did he know such thoughts were incredibly inaccurate.

     Thursday was rather decent—he just did his usual things, writing down in his notes, subconsciously aware that his peace was because of the relief that Yamaguchi was, indeed, okay. Even volleyball practice went a bit better than usual; well, limited to Tsukishima only. Everyone else was busy asking his where Yamaguchi was and being worried for him.

     It was a different case on Friday. The ice that should've been broken by light conversation with Yamaguchi had grown another inch due to the lack of interaction. The late-spring-early-summer wind was cool on Tsukishima's cheeks, and he had noted how it would've made Yamaguchi would remark how spring was ending. It caused Tsukishima to take out his phone, hover his thumb over the message app, then shove it back in his pocket, mumbling about how it was stupid. 

     Walking to school was better; being at school was worse. 

     Gossip had spread about the restroom incident on Monday. Tsukishima wondered for a moment why it took so long, but then remembered that the three troublesome boys being absent wasn't an unusual thing. Some people avoided him. Some, in contrast, tried getting closer to him. The latter thought that if they became friends as close as Yamaguchi with Tsukishima, they would get the same kind of protection. However, there was few mention of the things that Yamaguchi would have gone through, and that upset Tsukishima.

     The classes themselves were the worst. He felt burdened as he sat through period after torturous period, barely answering the questions that the teachers asked of Tsukishima. The science teacher on the third period looked different—he spent the hour frowning intensely at her face, not bothering to write down any of the things that she scribbled on the blackboard, as he did with all the other classes.

     Lunch didn't go down his throat properly, as he was thinking about whether or not Yamaguchi had eaten the pills the school nurse had prescribed him. To think about it, Yamaguchi hadn't mentioned the medicine at all yesterday. Maybe he couldn't swallow it, Tsukishima had thought, again dismissing the thought as stupid.

     School ended, the after-school talk ended (even more horribly than usual, somehow), and evening practice started. The team had, ironically, done serve practices, led mainly by Kinoshita. He looked estranged without Yamaguchi by his side, an emotion that was strangely familiar to Tsukishima that day.

     One after another, Tsukishima's serves failed to escape the inevitable grasp of the team's two liberos waiting on the other side of the net. Some didn't even make it through the net at all. People noticed his difference. But everyone was focused on getting better at serves; they weren't as curious to why Tsukishima wasn't doing good as to why Yamaguchi was absent. 

     Maybe Yamaguchi would ask me why I'm not doing okay, Tsukishima thought as the ball that left his hands a blink ago failed to pass the net for the fourth time in a row. 

     But Yamaguchi’s the reason why I'm not okay. I need to be with Yamaguchi. He admitted this to himself before he could process it, and his face heated up. It was the first sign that he was actually alive and not a Tsukki-matronic in place of Tsukishima coming to practice instead of the real human to the other teammates. 

     That doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense, Tsukishima thought as he picked up another volleyball from the floor. But before he could serve, a whistle was heard. 

     "Line up!" Ennoshita said to the others as Coach Ukai smiled from near the wall. Takeda-sensei was flipping through papers but put them down a moment before the team members arrived.

     "Alright, so before we go into receiving, I want you to know that there's a practice match with Nekoma next Tuesday." The coach announced. Hinata jumped and yelled as soon as the word 'Nekoma' was out of Coach Ukai's mouth, at which Kageyama called Hinata an idiot, and... 

     "Would you look at that, they're fighting again." Tsukishima heard Yachi sigh behind him. The coach told the teammates to pick up the balls to prepare for receive practice. Taking this chance, he whirled around to look at the manager. She was reasonably startled.

     "Huh—oh—good afternoon, Tsukishima," Yachi greeted awkwardly, as if she hadn't been doing so to everyone she had met, regardless of whether or not she had seen the person before in that day.

     "Can I go home now?" Tsukishima asked, emphasizing the 'now'. Yachi shrugged, still slightly awkward but much more relaxed. 

     "I don't think I'm the one you're supposed to ask," She responded honestly. "Maybe ask Ukai-san. But why?"

     Tsukishima suppressed the urge to not answer the question, replied : "I'm not feeling good today."

     Yachi nodded slowly and smiled slightly. After getting recognition that his words were indeed heard, he immediately went off to Coach Ukai, who was discussing something with Takeda-sensei. 

     "Ukai-san, my condition isn't very well. Can I get an early leave?" Tsukishima asked, interrupting whatever the other two were talking about. He had worded it in such a way that both adults would be reminded of the Kamomedai match. He'd proven it during practice by being worse than usual. They looked slightly timid as Tsukishima finished his sentence.

     "Ah, well...." Coach Ukai stretched out his words before talking again. "Okay. Rest and come back tomorrow. Remember that there'll stil be morning practice."

     Tsukishima nodded and walked away to his bag and jacket thrown on the floor, seeing at the corner of his eye that the coach's eyebrows had furrowed and his hand was on his mouth thoughtfully. 

     Surely my acting wasn't that good, Tsukishima said to himself as he slipped the jacket on. He had shoved his water bottle into his bag when Kageyama with more balls in his hands than anybody else in the gym (maybe Hinata, but he wasn't visible at the moment) went up to him.

     "Ah, isn't that the amount of points you would trade your life for in your very hands, Your Majesty?" Tsukishima said despite himself, not caring to hide the snigger on his face.

     "Shut up, Saltyshima," Kageyama spat angrily before returning instantaneously to his usual demeanor. "Where are you going?"

     "Home." The taller blond lied, realizing only now that he didn't have a specific destination in mind. Well, now I do, I just said it out loud.

     "Why?"

     "Because I'm sick. You surely noticed, didn't you, dear King of the Court? Or was your desire for power too blinding to see any of us peasants?" Tsukishima just wanted Kageyama gone by now, the half-smile wiped from his face. But Kageyama persisted through momentary anger.

     "No, you weren't sick, asshole. That's a lie. What's the real reason?"

     "So the King does notice such a lowly specimen such as I."

     "Eh, learned it from Sugawara-san. Answer my question."

     Of all people to be read through, it has to be idiot number two. How frustrating. Tsukishima licked his lips, slung the bag around his shoulders. But what harm could come from telling him the truth? He probably won't know how to tell the others without them getting confused.

     "I'm going to go meet Yamaguchi," Tsukishima replied after some time. "And it's none of your business."

     Kageyama stood dumbfounded as Tsukishima walked out of the gym. Tsukishima had reasons too many to believe that Kageyama just couldn't understand that someone would ditch volleyball practice for such a menial reason. He laughed to himself at the thought, Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei watching him as if he were a lunatic they were worried for. But they couldn't do anything about it because in a few wide steps, Tsukishima was out of campus.

     He was walking home. Maybe he wasn't walking home. Maybe he was walking somewhere else. Tsukishima checked his wristwatch, knowing he was halfway to his house as he passed Shimada Mart.

     6:49 p.m. 

     Is it too late..?

     With hesitant hands, he pulled out his phone from his pocket.

      This is stupid, He said again and again in his mind as his fingers tapped on the phone screen.

<tsuki

Where do you live?

      The answer came far too quickly, as if he had been begging for someone to ask that exact question for years.

>Tadashi 

call me

     Yamaguchi's house was far away. Too far away to be logical. It was already 8:27 when Tsukishima had arrived at Yamaguchi's apartment following the commands of the voice over the phone, and he had been walking faster than usual at that. 

     Yamaguchi's voice sounded so different than when Tsukishima last heard it. So gravelly, like something was stuck in his throat. Not to mention the frequency of the coughing noticeably increasing.

     "Okay, I'm on the ninth floor, third from the emergency exit. Are you at the elevator now?" Yamaguchi commanded in a tone Tsukishima hadn't heard of in a while.

     "Yeah, let me catch my breath..." Tsukishima panted. He pressed the up button next to the elevator door and basically sat down on the ground. His legs were tired, even more so because of practice a few hours ago. But he stood right up and looked around, hoping that nobody saw that. His shoulders tensed as the elevator bell indicating its arrival rang. 

     Tsukishima entered, pressed the button that read '9', and waited for the door to close as his breathing evened out. Yamaguchi had become suddenly quiet. It was the type of quiet that meant he was happy. Tsukishima knew that his friend would be smiling, and he couldn't help but do the same.

     The elevator went up, and then, after a few seconds, it arrived on the ninth floor. Tsukishima quickly walked to the house that Yamaguchi said that he was in, noticing how high up nine stories were. It didn't take long to reach the house with how long his legs were.

     Tsukishima hung up the call, then pressed the doorbell. As he waited for his friend on the other side of the door to open it, he looked around to take in the view that Yamaguchi would be seeing every morning. So blank and concrete. He got a feeling that the neighbors were just as tasteless. 

     There was a bit of a ruffling sound from the other side that alerted Tsukishima back to attention, and when he had turned his head Yamaguchi had opened the door. Immediately a rush of a sweet stench spilled out of the entrance, making Tsukishima visibly recoil. Yamaguchi didn't seem to be affected. In fact, he seemed to be the source of it.

     Yamaguchi also looked different. He was much more pale, more so in the lack of light surrounding them. His cheeks had hollowed, his skin looked like someone drew him as one would a dinosaur. And yet his smile and glint in his eyes remained the same.

     "Hi, Tsukki," Yamaguchi greeted. 

     "Yamaguchi," Tsukishima greeted back, trying not to look worried. "You lied."

     The liar in question had a confused expression on his face for a second, and then, not losing his smile, replied: "Sorry, Tsukki." Then he added, "What about?"

     "You not having perfume on you," Tsukishima said as if it was the most obvious thing ever, his most confident tone when speaking—though it was mixed with a side of something else this time. "A whole lot of it, by what I can tell."

     Yamaguchi laughed, then coughed, then laughed again. He let Tsukishima inside of his house. 

     The inside of the house was a completely different place from the corridor outside. You could barely recognize that a human being lived in it, except for the very prominent stench of sweetness. One would come in there and think it would be for sale until they see a green-haired boy walk out of the restroom, clearly alive and clearly living there.

     Oddly, the kitchen was the closest to the porch, and it felt like anything but a kitchen, making it a bit more understandable to put right in front of the front door. From there, there was Yamaguchi's room (even with its door being closed it had just a general feeling that it belonged to Yamaguchi), then left from it, there was the master bedroom. To the right was the living room, go farther, and you'd find the restroom. It wasn't a small house; in fact, it was much too big for a high-schooler to be living alone in. (Surely his parents have gone to work or something.) It was a strange house, the feeling amplified by its empty atmosphere. 

      Again, Tsukishima couldn't understand that this was a house that wasn't abandoned. The warmth of humans, affection, home-cooked meals, stupid fights with siblings about stupider things, love...

     He got the feeling that none of that was there. None of it had been there. None of it would ever be there either.

     How could such a lively person live in such a lifeless home? Tsukishima thought to himself as Yamaguchi turned on the lights, blinding them both for a bright second.

     "You live in the dark?" Tsukishima asked with a hint of a teasing tone in his voice.

     "Yeah, well, it's bright in the morning," Yamaguchi shrugged. He continued, "What a pleasant surprise, Tsukki, for you to suddenly was to come to my house. Why so suddenly?"

     Why so suddenly... why? Tsukishima realized that he didn't know the answer. 

     He thought of it for a time too long to be considered normal, but Yamaguchi waited. 

     Tsukishima thought for a moment more, then in the unbearable awkwardness that only he seemed to have been feeling, he blurted out, "I was worried."

     Both of the friends turned red, too embarrassed to notice that the other was the same. Yamaguchi's smile fell, mainly to make way for the blush on his cheeks. He coughed involuntarily, but it averted their focus. 

     "Want some ramen? Anything?" Yamaguchi asked, regaining a fraction of his previous expression.

     Tsukishima started to shake his head, but the incredible sound that his stomach made answered for him. Naturally, he hadn't eaten his dinner bento. But that day his dinner had become the prey of a Hinata who had lost his own bento. The owner himself could not care less, but he did call the small bento-thief (who was eating his loot like he hadn't had a crumb to eat in a week) a starving pig. I shouldn't have given him my food, Tsukishima regretted three hours too late.

     Yamaguchi again laughed, then turned to the cabinet which was much too close to him for normal home interior standards. He opened it and got out a cup of cup ramen. Meanwhile, Tsukishima casually took a seat in the dining table as if it was his own house, slowly adapting to the sweet stench now.

     Yamaguchi boiled some water on a kettle over a stove, leaning on the kitchen counter as he watched the temperature rise. Tsukishima got a chance to look at Yamaguchi properly; he was wearing a hoodie, within it a T-shirt with a little bear on it. The end of his pants dropped down to his ankles. Tsukishima guessed it was one of Akiteru's hand-me-downs that the younger brother had refused to take and given to Yamaguchi. He also had a slight bedhead, which Tsukishima didn't think too much of until he remembered that it was 8 in the evening.

     Yamaguchi ripped open the cup ramen package as the kettle started whistling. He took out the powder seasoning wrapper in the cup with the noodles, opened it and spilled its contents back into the cup. He almost immediately took the kettle and poured it into the cup as well. The steam from the water practically hit Yamaguchi's face, making him cough. As the vapor passed, he put a dish (which was nearby for some unknown reason) on top of the ramen cup and brought it to the dining table with its dish-lid still on.

     "Need chopsticks?" Yamaguchi asked as he placed the cup. Tsukishima made an expression that so blatantly said, "duh, how am I supposed to eat without chopsticks?" that Yamaguchi laughed. The laugh turned into a cough. It didn't turn back into a laugh this time. 

     "I'll get it if you can't. Where are they?" Tsukishima said carefully as he stood up from his chair. 

     "Right—right under the sink," Yamaguchi rasped as he coughed again. 

     Tsukishima opened the cabinet under the sink, which was to the left of the stove. There were two pairs of chopsticks, and he took the darker pair.

     As he returned, he saw that Yamaguchi had sat down in front of him. They sat facing each other for a moment in silent and total awkwardness.

     Yamaguchi broke the silence by chirping: "You don't have your headphones on, Tsukki."

     "Oh yeah," the blond boy in front of him replied, noticing it for the first time in... two days. He shocked himself at the fact that he could let himself without such a vital object for such a long time.

     "Were you busy without me?"

     "Well... not really."

     "Must have been busy enough for the Tsukishima Kei to forget his headphones."

     "Shut up, Yamaguchi..."

     Yamaguchi giggled, then paused. No, froze would be better a term. All of a sudden he froze in place, the hand going to his mouth stopping its movements, his mouth, which was in mid-smile, slowly dropping to a grimace, the little blood in his face draining.

     Then he started retching.

     Both of them stood up, one yelling "Yamaguchi!" as the other thawed and put a hand on his mouth and an arm around his stomach.

     Tsukishima frantically looked around for anything that resembled a bucket or plastic bag—anything, to be desperately honest—and found a trash can. 

     Too late.

     There was vomit on the floor. There was blood on the floor, mostly. There were a few pills that had dissolved into into barely recognizable spots of white. There was some food, and that was really unrecognizable. 

     There were petals. Yellow.

     Both of the boys stood shocked. They stared at the puddle of blood on the ground. Then they burst out.

     "How—what—since when?!"

     "I don't know, this is the first time this has ever happened—"

     "I'm sorry, I... oh my god—"

     "It wasn't this bad—I took the pills, you can see, but—"

     "Flowerfall..?"

     Tsukishima's one-worded question made them both quiet. There were petals in the puddle on the ground, quite visibly. That would explain the coughing. The smell. The fact that Yamaguchi didn't eat Tsukishima's mother's food, even when he loved it.

     "Well... probably. I haven't been eating flowers." Yamaguchi tried to laugh it off, but his mouth refused to smile. And Tsukishima wasn't in the mood to laugh either. He looked at Yamaguchi, who now looked beyond pale, a little blue, even.

     "Go to the hospital," Tsukishima commanded firmly.

     "No," Yamaguchi refused. It shocked Tsukishima a bit, but he didn't stand back. 

     "Go to the hospital and get medical attention," Tsukishima repeated.

     "I'm fine on my own," Yamaguchi insisted.

     "No, you aren't. We need to check whether or not this is really flowerfall, and you'll get treated—" 

     "I'm fine!" Yamaguchi yelled. The blood that was gone for the past hour rushed up to his head. Tsukishima took a step back, startled.

     "Go to the hospital," Tsukishima repeated, raising his voice as well.

     Yamaguchi coughed, then took a step forward. "I don't need to go, I'll be fine," Yamaguchi said, trying to be calm but failing.

     "Go to the hospital!" Tsukishima yelled back, voice shaking, taking the retreated step forward. Yamaguchi looked furious.

     "Stop—"

     "Please," Tsukishima pleaded finally, the desperation in his voice surprising both of them. The blood from Yamaguchi's face drained yet again. They both took a step back, and their eyes averted to the puddle on the floor.

     "I'll clean it," Tsukishima muttered.

     "Let's go when you're done." Yamaguchi turned around and went into his room.

     Tsukishima let out a long sigh, then his gaze turned to the ramen cup on the dining table. 

     It's probably too puffy for human consumption by now.

     But at the moment, Tsukishima couldn't care less.

Chapter Text

>Tadashi

im on the news!!!ヽ(^○^)ノ

    Indeed, he was. For being the first known patient of Cordisporism, Yamaguchi Tadashi had appeared on the news. For quite a lengthy time, too, as it was an eventless day. Tsukishima watched intensely as Yamaguchi nervously answered every question the interviewer asked, stuttering a bit sometimes.

      Q: How do you feel about being the first one to officially be diagnosed with Cordisporism?

     A: Well, I... (laughs) it's certainly not something to brag about. I'm just a bit confused about everything. Sick, too.

     Q: Which emotion do you think activated the disease-spores? Devotion? Love?

     A: Probably not devotion, I've got nobody I'm devoted to. And if it is love... well, I must be loving with the back of my mind. Or in my unconsciousness. Because I'm not sure who I'm loving either.

     Tsukishima took the last few words bitterly as he slipped on the Karasuno Volleyball Club's jersey. As the interview came to a close, he went into his room and reached for the hanger that the headphones would have been hung on.

     Except they weren't there.

     Ah, right, Tsukishima remembered. Nii-chan took it back to college. He could've asked me.

     He then recalled the fact that his phone was on mute the entire time he was going to, was at, and was out of Yamaguchi's house. There was also the factor that Kei wouldn't have answered to any of Akiteru's calls, whether or not it be a question of can or will. 

      Well, their relationship had improved very much since just a couple of years ago. At least they talked to each other now.

     That was irrelevant—the important thing was that he didn't have his headphones to take to morning practice. It would again be a day of inevitable idiots.

     Tsukishima sighed as he slung a bag around his shoulder, which only had a water bottle in it, but he didn't know what he would be coming back with. He didn't like the uncertainty factor, but Yamaguchi would have. Tsukishima gulped.

     He opened the middle door and put his shoes on. It was so quiet inside. All he could hear was his own breathing.

     "Bye," he whispered to the still-asleep house. Then he walked out of the front door. 

     The weather was getting warmer, preparing for the end of April. A few days later, it would be May, and the spring flowers would wither to make way for the summer flowers. 

     Yamaguchi likes summer flowers.

     Tsukishima paused for a second and felt far too strongly that he really wanted his headphones back. As if to make up for the time that was wasted in halting in his steps, he started walking quicker, more aggressively. He hated that summer was suddenly a much better season. Tsukishima almost enjoyed the fact that his face was as hot as a day in July.

     He kicked a pebble with the all power that his volleyball training-induced muscles would let him—it stumbled on for a few seconds before it lay flipped over. There was a dead bug on the bottom of it. It disgusted Tsukishima. He felt relieved that now there was a stronger emotion to override the previous one. He kept his mind on the disgust of seeing that dead bug and keeping his pace steady.

     Yet such focus couldn't last long, as a short vibration was felt from the phone in his pocket. Tsukishima took it out to see that a text had arrived.

>Tadashi

once the reporters are gone

and practice is over

do u wanna come to the hospital to meet?

     "God dammit," Tsukishima mumbled under his breath as he quickly typed back a reply.

<tsuki

Ofc

     "Here comes the early leaver!"

     Tanaka yelled as the tall blond walked into the gym. Tsukishima muttered a curse under his breath as he checked his time of arrival. 7:20, not bad. He then looked up at the people in the gymnasium. Nishinoya, Tanaka, Ennoshita, Hinata, and two first years. 

     The very selection of people I hate, Tsukishima thought as the crazier two of the third years rushed to greet him, though they were stopped—no, captured—by their captain. After a thorough angry stare at them both, Nishinoya and Tanaka were released. Then Ennoshita approached Tsukishima, who really didn't want him to come near for a multitude of reasons, but by far the biggest one was that the captain was going to be angry at him. To have a person being angry at you is a tiring thing, and he was tired enough for the week.

      Surprisingly, as the black-haired captain stopped in front of Tsukishima, he smiled.

     "We saw the news," Ennoshita started, "and I'm not mad at you. We're all not mad at you. Kageyama told us the real reason why you went—don't worry, we didn't tell the coach or Takeda-sensei—and I think it was compassionate for you." 

     "Ah, so the King could express his thoughts properly, with others understanding it." Tsukishima said, a frown coming across his face in a brief spasm of panic; so they knew about my real intention. Ennoshita, who misread the frown as 'I know all of that already and I can't care less', furrowed his eyebrows together, and pierced a look through him that said, 'I was trying to compliment you, young man'. Tsukishima shrugged.

     "We're probably doing practice matches against each other. You know Coach likes to be prepared, especially for any match against Nekoma..." Ennoshita managed another smile as he walked away from Tsukishima to the frolicking first years; they had no idea what to do, and so they were doing everything that they could. 

     Tsukishima put down his almost empty bag on the side of the gym's walls, hoping to get a little bit of peace to recollect his mind. Sadly, that peace was unachievable, as Hinata came marching at him soon after.

     "Saltyshima, what's up?" The short, orange-haired boy asked, trying to be as casual as ever, but alas, his acting skills were as good as that of Kageyama's. Tsukishima glared at him as he took off his jacket.

     "Certainly not you," He replied, lifting his chin slightly to really give the impression that Tsukishima was looking down at Hinata. The shorter boy growled (well, in the lowest pitch Hinata could make, which still made him sound like a mad chihuahua) as he glared back. 

    "Wanna fight?" Hinata said angrily, standing on his toes. It would have made Tsukishima laugh in that slightly humiliating tone that everyone was used to, but his poker face stayed on. The lack of reaction angered Hinata further, and he was about to yell at him before the taller one responded.

     "So what does the tinier freak want from me? Surely you didn't come up to me to just be insulted." Tsukishima asked, that saying somehow calming Hinata down. The smaller boy looked a und, and came up close to the taller boy, which made the latter take a step back. Still, Hinata leaned in closer.

     "Who does Yamaguchi like?" He whispered. Tsukishima felt a rush of unprecedented fury, then calmed down to a boiling confusion. Why are you asking? He voiced his thoughts aloud, at which Hinata visibly held down a laugh. 

     "Well, flowerfall works when you're in love, or so they say on the news," Hinata reminded.

     "You watch the news?" Tsukishima teased, trying to hide the shock that was had from remembering that fundamental fact. And he became curious as well: who did Yamaguchi love, so deeply that it would cause him to be sick? His face darkened just enough for Hinata to not notice.

     "Fuck you, Stinkyshima. Anyway, I thought you'd know because you're his best friend. He probably told you or something when he went to the hospital," Hinata continued.

     "If you'd watched the news a bit longer, you'd have found that Yamaguchi had said that he didn't know who caused the initiation of his illness." Tsukishima recalled back to the news that morning; he remembered that Yamaguchi looked slightly uneasy answering the interviewer's questions. But there was no way that anyone except Tsukishima who would have noticed that.

     Maybe that was for the worse.

     "Stop talking in smart-talk, Ts-"

     Hinata's half-angry ranting was cut off by Kageyama saying "Good morning" as he entered the gym in his jogging uniform. The small boy rushed off to jump on his rival.

     Tsukishima was left wondering about Hinata's question. And yet all the answers that came to his mind, they were all ideas that he was denying. None of them could ever possibly be true, at least to Tsukishima. And he was usually never wrong, at least to Yamaguchi. He took his water bottle from his bag and sat down, curled up into a ball. Maybe he would get the chance to recollect now. He did have ten minutes left, after all. 

     He sighed. He probably looked stupid, curled up on the side of the gym, doing nothing but holding a water bottle. 

     As the gymnasium filled up with people, Tsukishima wished that everything was a dream and Yamaguchi would come through the large door, greet him as if nothing had happened, say sorry for being late and forgetting to go with him...

     That's even stupider, Tsukishima told himself, wrapping his arms around his legs. Idiot no.1 literally just asked me about Yamaguchi a minute ago.

     However, as Takeda-sensei entered the gym, he couldn't help but feel that he couldn't wait to go to the hospital to meet Yamaguchi.

<tsuki 

All gone yet?

>Tadashi 

yup (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

     Tsukishima thanked Coach Ukai for making Saturday practice end after lunch. He didn't burst into a run as the coach announced the end of practice only to not make a fool of himself, but if not for his reputation he definitely would have sprinted to the hospital. Maybe his impatience was evident already from the fact that he hardly even had his jacket on as he hurried to get out, he didn't even say a single word to the others as he left. They were, as many things were, irrelevant. All that mattered now was that he was going to meet Yamaguchi.

     It was far too hot outside for the season. Tsukishima quickly tore off his jacket and shoved it inside his bag, the zippers clanking with the metal of the water bottle. 

     He cursed at the distance between the school and the hospital. It would take roughly half an hour at this rate. He couldn't wait that long! Tsukishima started to jog, knowing that nobody would be out here in this time of day. 

     He reached the hospital as he started to get desperate. He barged in, sweating. The nurse at the front desk looked at him, slightly concerned. The lightly air conditioned inside of the hospital facility cooled him down a bit before he walked up to the nurse.

     "Hello, what can I help you with today?" The woman asked. She seemed like it was her first time in the lobby, nervous and frightened. But then again, wasn't everyone like that when they saw Tsukishima? 

     "Yes, I'd... I'd like to meet Yamaguchi Tadashi. He got in here yesterday, with me. He was diagnosed with Cordisporism, the first one, no?" Tsukishima blurted out quickly. His breath was unusually even.

     The nurse looked at him for a second, mouth parted, then typed onto the computer in front of her.

     "What's your relationship with him?" She asked, and Tsukishima momentarily paused. What is my relationship with him..?

     "Best friends," He forced the answer out before it was too late. "But we've known for, uhh... ten years. And I'm the one who got him here, so..."

     The nurse nodded and typed on her computer again. She then looked around and plucked a mask from a box on the desk below the counter. She held it in front of the blond boy, which took him a moment to realize that it was for safety precautions. Tsukishima took the mask and put it on his face, knowing he would take it off immediately as he entered Yamaguchi's ward. 

     "Yamaguchi-san is in ward 201, up the stairs and it'll be the first one you find to the right. Have a nice day," the nurse bowed lightly to him, and Tsukishima bowed back before he sprung to the stairs. His legs were tired but his soul was as energized as ever. Even though it didn't show on his face, he was quite glad to meet his friend. As he arrived on the second floor, he noticed how empty his hands were—nothing more than the bag from practice with the water bottle in it. I should've bought a gift, Tsukishima thought as he opened the door to the ward.

     Yamaguchi was sitting comfortably on a chair in the room, the sunlight outlining his pale face and his freckles. He was writing with a pen on a notebook, the very same notebook that Tsukishima had given Yamaguchi on Tuesday. He was wearing a hoodie over the white hospital clothes.

     Serene was the word that came to mind when Tsukishima saw him.

     The scene lasted roughly half a second, as Yamaguchi shut the notebook and stood up stiffly as he noticed the lanky figure in the doorway, but Tsukishima stored it in his mind to keep for forevermore.

     "Hey Tsukki!" Yamaguchi greeted in a voice that sounded slightly like it was underwater, but it was much, much better than yesterday. He was having his back to the sun now, but Tsukishima didn't need the light to see that Yamaguchi was blushing. His gaze headed to the notebook in his friend's hands, and he began to wonder what was in it to make Yamaguchi so embarrassed.

     "Yamaguchi." Tsukishima greeted back. He hoped his cheerfulness showed through his thickly shielded face. 

      Yamaguchi looked like a totally different person from yesterday. Much more lively. Much less coughing. And more color in his cheeks. Well, there was a bit too much of that last one, but it was still visible that he was healthier than the entirety of the week. 

     Tsukishima closed the door behind him and lightly walked to the chair next to the ward's bed, which was directly across from the chair that Yamaguchi was sitting on. Yamaguchi slowly sat down on said chair, tossing the notebook to a small table nearby. He kept the pen in his hands, fiddling it around. Tsukishima sat down comfortably. It had a much clearer view of his friend than he thought.

     "This place is better than my house, isn't it?" Yamaguchi's mouth was smiling, but his voice was full of bitterness.

     He wishes it was really his house, Tsukishima noted subconsciously. 

     "I think it's better than mine, too," He replied, trying for some sort of compassion. Yamaguchi put his lips together in a smile and raised the front tips of his eyebrows in a 'you're trying, but you're not getting better' kind of matter. The nib of the pen grazed the flat side of his thumb, leaving a barely noticeable line.

     "It's pretty busy in here," Yamaguchi said, answering the question Tsukishima never asked. "There's scientists taking samples of my spit every other hour. And in the morning, it was just absolute chaos—nobody keeping lines or respecting my privacy. I thought every single reporter in Japan was here in this tiny space. I hope I don't go viral on the internet over this."

     He laughed at himself, and then it turned into a cough. Yamaguchi quickly added on: "And I can't get a moment to breathe without coughing."

     Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were doing better today."

     "I am doing better! At least, I hope I am. According to the gossip, there's going to be some foreign reporters tomorrow. I just want to get better for all of this madness to end."

     Tsukishima nodded, hoping that that small action would magically cure Yamaguchi or something. But at the back of his mind, the cold and emotionless part of it that he used mainly in school, said that his friend wasn't getting better. He wet his lips to distract himself from the thought. He looked around for anything else to think about, like he did during the little mental incident in the morning. Yamaguchi twirled the pen around in his hands as he waited for the boy in front of him to say something, because Tsukishima's silence, as it was more common, had much more variants. This one said that Tsukishima had something on his mind.

     "No smell," Tsukishima said as if to himself. 

     "Well, that's going to change soon. Once the nurses close the windows, I am going to reek of sweet." Yamaguchi giggled, then shrugged. "To be honest, I've gotten a bit used to it by now."

     "Good for you," Tsukishima said in an incredibly flat tone. Yamaguchi giggled again. It took a moment before he started coughing. It calmed down after a few seconds. Tsukishima looked at him intensely, wanting to see into the depth of that faded smile on his lips. There were so many things on the surface, so easily read but impossible to decipher.

     "Can I have a cup of water?" Yamaguchi asked after some hesitation. There was less color in his face. 

     Tsukishima nodded and got the water bottle from his bag out. Yamaguchi took it, their fingertips grazed. Tsukishima could feel them burn. His friend took a sip of water and licked his lips. They sat in a silence that they were not comfortable in, making the air very awkward.

     "So..." Yamaguchi attempted to start. "How's school?"

     "Okay, I guess. People are wondering a lot about you," Tsukishima felt the need to add that last sentence. Yamaguchi made a slightly surprised noise and smiled politely.

     "And word has gotten out about the Monday thing." Tsukishima looked at the floor as he said this.

     "About... me?"

     "No, just the fact that I punched them... the three idiots are saying that you were the one who did it, but nobody believes that."

     "Why?"

     "You're too nice." 

     Before Yamaguchi could reply or stop his cheeks' colors rivaling that of a fresh tomato, a notification was heard in Tsukishima's pocket. He took his phone out, found that there was a call from his mother. Tsukishima picked it up and put it to his ear. Yamaguchi fell dead silent to not interrupt.

     "Where are you, Kei?!"

     "Uh..." Tsukishima glanced at Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi looked back, silently screaming: Don't look at me, I have no idea what to do either. "Practice is ending a bit late. I'll buy lunch from Sakanoshita. Be home in twenty

... thirty."

     He ended the call, shoved the phone into his bag, and sighed. Yamaguchi also looked as if he could finally breathe. He licked his lips and looked at the taller boy across from him worriedly.

     It was all too sudden. Tsukishima wanted to stay with Yamaguchi longer.

     They exchanged looks for a bit, and then Yamaguchi shooed him away with a gesture. Tsukishima nodded, but his body refused to move. They stayed like that for a minute or two before Yamaguchi coughed again. Only after did the other's legs learn to stand up. Tsukishima slung the bag over his shoulders and looked at the green-haired boy in front of him. He looked away.

     "Are you going to come tomorrow?" Yaamguchi breathed, his gaze still away from Tsukishima's face. 

     "Yeah..." Tsukishima muttered. 

     He left without saying goodbye.

     It was after he stepped inside of his house to be greeted by the angry and worried shouts of his mother that he had remembered.

     Ah, fuck, I forgot my water bottle.

Chapter Text

     2007. 4. 21

     Hi diary

     Yesterday my mom and dad fought, and then they talked about a divorce which I think means I'm not seeing mom again

      They didn't explain it to me very well

      Dad's crying a lot

      I've never seen dad so sad 

      I don't know what to do to comfort him, he's never cried in front of me before

      The new school year is going terrible

     There are these three big guys in my class who make fun of me for my freckles and whenever I cry they laugh at me

     They say that it's for the better but I don't really know about that

     I want to smell mom's cigarettes again

      Tsukishima had a bad dream. One that made him wake up drenched in sweat.

     He was walking along the corridors of Yamaguchi's apartment. That tasteless, boring apartment seemed even more tasteless and boring than normal. Outside, it was raining heavily. Perhaps the heavens were crying, mourning. But for whom?

     He had stopped in front of Yamaguchi's house, feeling a sudden hatred for himself. Turning around, he saw Yamaguchi smiling, the rain seemingly passing through him to make way for the light that was beaming from the boy. Tsukishima was horrified, to the point that he couldn't talk. 

     "Tsukki!" Yamaguchi of the dream had said, giggling, his teeth showing just barely visibly. Tsukishima was supposed to greet him back, but instead of the "Yamaguchi" he was so used to saying, he had said—

     "Angel."

     Then he had woken up. 

     Tsukishima wasn't really sure why the dream unnerved him so much. In the dream, he had hardly ever thought of Yamaguchi as Yamaguchi, only as Angel. Even when Yamaguchi was there in front of him. And that horror. Why?

     He had a nagging feeling that it was because of the thoughts of death he had last night before going to bed. How could he not have had those thoughts when his best friend was probably going to die? It was undeniable, to be fair. There was no known cure to flowerfall, and it wasn't going to get better when they didn't even know what the specific reason for the disease-spores' development was. 

     Tsukishima sat up in his bed and sighed. Yamaguchi wouldn't like him thinking things like that.

     ...Since when did I care about his opinions? He asked himself.

     Since forever, I guess. He answered himself. 

     Steps were heard outside of his door. There were only two people in the house, one being Tsukishima, so it was easy to know that his mother was coming to wake him up. 

     "I'm awake," He called out. The steps stopped and stayed for a while before starting again, now audibly in the other direction. Tsukishima's solitude was kept. It was around time that his mother knew about the fact that he liked being alone in the mornings. Or maybe he wasn't alone enough in the mornings nowadays for her to notice his excitement in simply being on his own.

     Well, there was no practice on Sunday, so maybe she'd notice if he stayed in his room long enough...

     Tsukishima stood up from his bed and pulled back the chair in front of his desk. He didn't sit down on it, just pulled it aside. He then shoved it back in, unsure of what he was doing. He moved to the mini-bookshelf next to his desk, looking at the rows of used notebooks. Tsukishima took one that he had written in during the first year of middle school, used all the way through, making it rather battered. He flipped through the pages, not really reading any of it. The book almost slipped from his hand due to inertia after the last page was released, but Tsukishima caught it with ease. The notebook was placed back in the corresponding place.

     Tsukishima repeated this process with a bit more notebooks from middle school, some from elementary, some from high school. All filled to the brim with schoolwork.

     By the fact that he was getting increasingly bored, Tsukishima got the gist that maybe he didn't enjoy solitude that much. He did only remember really enjoying being alone before he met Yamaguchi, but he blamed it on the fact that from their first meeting onward, Yamaguchi didn't leave him be. 

     Tsukishima was about to stop mindlessly flipping through his used notebooks when he stumbled upon a tiny pink paper slip fitted in between pages, from a notebook from middle school, third grade. It fluttered to the ground, doing acrobatics in the windless air as if to get the boy's attention. Tsukishima picked it up, opened his glasses drawer right next to him and took out a pair of glasses, and put them on his face.

     The contents of the slip were simple, four lines of scribbled text. Two of the lines were written in small, neat handwriting; Tsukishima's. The other two were written in a much curlier fashion; undoubtedly Yamaguchi's.

     Did you choose which high school to go to?

     Idk, I guess I'll go wherever you go

     I'm going to go to Karasuno like Akiteru did

     Cool, then I'll go with you too

     Tsukishima remembered. It was a day in December, when they were around the end of the school year. The classes had almost all ended, and school was almost a six-hour movie-watching cycle if not for the crazy science teacher who still did real classes. It had been social studies class, and everyone was busy watching the horror movie that the teacher loved or chatting.

     By some stroke of luck, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had been paired to sit next to each other the month before graduation, making that seating the last one until the end of the semester. They'd talked a lot in that span of time.

     Good times, they were. Good times.

     If only Tsukishima could consider the present to be as good.

     A bittersweet taste rolled upon his tongue as he put the slip inside of the notebook and the notebook back in the bookshelf. He would meet Yamaguchi again that day. What excuse would he use to get out of the house? It would depend on the time of day, but Tsukishima wanted to go meet Yamaguchi now.

     And his mother was already awake, so there was no sneaking out of the house to be considered. 

     He could be honest—Tsukishima's mother saw the news and knew already that Yamaguchi was sick, so perhaps she would understand. But for some reason, he didn't feel like telling anybody about his current escapade. 

     There were midterms on Thursday, he remembered, and he almost laughed aloud for being proud of doing so. The most believable lie when it came to Kei was always, undoubtedly, that he was studying in the library. He could tell his mother that he was going to study for the exam and not come back until eleven in the night and not get any questions. Just a few workbooks in his bag and off he would go. Immediately after having that thought, he took his very empty school bag and stuffed it with some books, not caring whether or not it was school-related. It just had to look legible.

     He opened his room's door and saw his mother's face in the kitchen. It was oddly peaceful. He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly he couldn't talk. His mother scrunched up her face as she looked at the suddenly frozen teenager in front of her. 

     "What are you looking so happy for?" Tsukishima's mother asked. Only then did Tsukishima realize that he was smiling. He tried to answer, but his mother spoke up before that.

     "You're going out?" Tsukishima felt the bag strap in his hand but couldn't say a thing. "You're happy that you're getting out of here, aren't you?" His mother continued, sneering. She was never like this to Akiteru, but Kei supposed his own cynicism had to have come from somewhere. He shrugged and put his bag beside the wall next to him.

     "I'll stay until breakfast. I'm going to go studying." Tsukishima's vocal cords suddenly found out how to emit sound. "I'm not going to come home until dark, so..."

     "It's enough that you're staying for breakfast," His mother cut him off in a slightly more affectionate tone than the sentence before. "I'll make you some miso, then. Study hard."

<tsuki

U free rn?

>Tadashi 

i am very very expensive ＼(^_^)／

i have no idea what these foreign reporters are saying ♪(´ε｀*)

come quick!!! chase them away!!!!

     Maybe Tsukishima shouldn't have had miso soup for breakfast. His stomach felt almost watery as he walked to the hospital, the effect multiplied by the fact that the weather was much more dry in comparison. Tsukishima begrudgingly let out a few coughs before continuing to walk. He cursed at the ground beneath him for being so steep and making the journey all too tiring.

     The aftermath of spring remained, the weather now in that strange state where you couldn't specify which part of the year it was. The wind still grew hotter, now Tsukishima noticed, from the north. Perhaps it would cool down a bit in the next few weeks—the wind would get some of that Siberia coolness from where it came from.

     Tsukishima looked to the side to see that hill where the Karasuno Volleyball Team all did their endurance practices, or something. It was surprisingly far away, far away enough to see that one side of the hill had an entire town on it, and the other was just plain nature. The name of it was... Getsunosaka, the hill of the month. One of the worse hill names Tsukishima had encountered in his life. 

     He he put his attention back to walking, now sweating as well, the perspiration doing something close to hydrating his dry skin.

     He really shouldn't have had that miso soup.

     Tsukishima arrived at the hospital and got in relatively easily. He again had to answer the question that his relationship with Yamaguchi was best friends. It mattered a bit too much for him to not care. Tsukishima took the mask the nurse gave him but didn't care to wear it this time.

     Soon, he was in Yamaguchi's ward, and the green-haired boy was in the hospital bed, sitting up on it, welcoming the taller boy with open arms.

     "Tsukki! Great timing. All of the reporters went away, like, half an hour ago." Tsukishima could visibly see Yamaguchi's excitement. It was the contagious kind that made even the coldest of hearts crack a smile. Tsukishima was no exception.

     "Hey, Yamaguchi," He greeted, smiling. He saw that the thing that Yamaguchi had said yesterday was correct; now that the windows were closed, the stench of sweet was filling the room. It wasn't as bad as the day Tsukishima had gone to Yamaguchi's house, though. He sauntered over to the chair that he had sat on yesterday and put the bag down.

     "What's up with the bag? Did you go study?" Yamaguchi asked.

     "No, this is just an excuse for me to get out of the house," Tsukishima replied. "I told my mom I was going to go study to the test... I didn't."

     "Right, the test!" Yamaguchi exclaimed. "Then you can actually study now because I have my math homework with me." The boy took out the workbook from under the bed's sheets as if to present it like... something presentable.

     Tsukishima remembered that the night that he had taken Yamaguchi to the hospital, they had taken nothing. Confused, he asked: "The doctors let you out?"

     "Yeah! They just told me to stay away from people and not go anywhere crowded. Nobody was out today."

     Tsukishima checked the time and asked then, "When'd you go?" It was 8:12 in the morning, and it took at least four hours for Yamaguchi to go to his house and come back. And including the time the reporters were there, the calculations all added up to an unreasonably early time for Yamaguchi to have woken up. The freckled boy paused for a moment, looking down at the floor as if to contemplate answering at all.

     "Two in the morning," Yamaguchi replied lowly, his smile dropping as quietly.

     "Two?!" Tsukishima couldn't help but be shocked. His friend on the bed coughed lightly and smiled again.

     "It's not good for your health," The tall blond boy said with a frown on his face, his composure somewhat regained. 

     "What is?" Yamaguchi seemed genuinely curious as to what the answer was. "Me waking up too early? Well, Tsukki, you're not one to say."

      Tsukishima dismissed the joke and said in a graver tone, "You're going to die if you continue doing that."

      "Hey!" Yamaguchi said with a disappointed expression on his face, though Tsukishima saw it through as fake. "No thinking about death, okay?" The other nodded, showing quite well that he was still thinking about death. Yamaguchi smiled again, then giggled, which led to him coughing. His smile didn't falter.

     The boy took the math workbook that was still in his hands and put in on his lap. He opened the book to where the homework was assigned. The rain of red crosses were covered up by (mostly) blue circles. Tsukishima noticed that Yamaguchi was still having slight difficulty with the implementation problems, the new blue crosses now overlapping the previously red ones. His friend's face lit up with a sort of expectation that Tsukishima would make proper sense of it. He was proud of his friend for taking in the feedback and developing well, but... it was kind of burdening for Tsukishima to bear those brown eyes which screamed 'Do them for me, Tsukki!!' as loudly as possible. Well, that was what he felt Yamaguchi was intending...

     "I'm going to go to the restroom. Can you check these for me?" Yamaguchi said, shocking Tsukishima. He didn't think that his assumption was actually correct, but here he was.

     "Sure," Tsukishima replied out of utter surprise. He took the math workbook and found a pen from the table nearby as his friend got out of the bed and picked up a mask from the other chair. Yamaguchi was just wearing hospital clothes today—he was sitting on the hoodie, as it was revealed after he stood up from the bed.

      The taller boy spotted the spine of a notebook just barely visible under the pillow and waited for the relatively shorter boy to fully get out of the room to take it out. It was the notebook that Tsukishima had given Yamaguchi a few days prior, now looking surprisingly battered up.

     He closed the math workbook shamelessly and flipped open the notebook. On the first page was the formations Tsukishima had noted; that made him sure that it was the same notebook that he was thinking of.

     Turning over the page, there were two words in big, Yamaguchi-ish lettering: BUCKET LIST.

     On the top of the next page was a single Kanji. It was far too familiar for him to not notice that it was his own name.

     蛍(Kei).

     Under that was a bulletin board of tons of little things that the two of them had never done before, like taking a stroll through the park when it's after midnight or eating... tofu ice cream. It was amusing, just a list of useless actions that would do nothing more in their life than make them happy... His amusement was broken when he had flipped to the last page, skipping over several blank ones in the middle, and found another Kanji there, almost as familiar as the previous one.

     忠(Tadashi).

     Under that category, there was one dot and one line.

• Start a proper family.

     Tsukishima's face grew hot as he suddenly misunderstood the sentence as Yamaguchi wanting to start a family with him, then realized that it would make no sense. It wasn't too horrible to think about it as the way that he had misinterpreted it, which made it all the worse. Quickly, he looked back into the Kei section and looked at a few more items in the bucket list.

• Talk about what time of the day is the best. (Early morning, obviously)
• Make cake.
• Both get all A's.
• Stargaze in the woods.

     Reading it took Tsukishima to a place of euphoria, somewhere timeless and without gravity. He had almost even forgotten about the entry in his friend's own list until the now-owner of the notebook had come into the room. Even then, only after he spoke did Tsukishima notice his appearance.

     "You... aren't supposed to be reading that." Yamaguchi wiped a speckle of blood off of his lips, and he entered the room. His face looked like it wanted to blush but didn't have enough blood to do so. He walked up to Tsukishima and rather weakly took the notebook from his hands.

     "I thought we weren't thinking about death, why are you making a bucket list?" Tsukishima forced a smirk, trying to keep the fact that his friend had blood in his mouth off of his brain.

     "Why would I be thinking about death?" Yamaguchi asked back, slightly angrily. "It's just a little... thing I did. Because I had too much time."

     Tsukishima nodded slowly, his forced smile fading. Yamaguchi threw the notebook on the bed and sat on the corresponding chair. He sighed and paused. 

     "Let's finish that math homework, shall we?" A small smile showed up on both of their faces. 

     Five hours later, Tsukishima remembered the water bottle from yesterday. He asked Yamaguchi for it and he gave the now empty water bottle back,

     But there was no more space in the bag for it anymore.

     Nothing important was shared for the rest of the lengthy conversation they had, but a mutual discomfort was thick in the air. Perhaps it was only felt on Tsukishima's side, especially as his desire to wipe the blood off of Yamaguchi's lips grew stronger...

Chapter Text

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

It's kind of difficult to breathe nowadays. Stuff is clogging my lungs. I can feel them. I can feel them in my body.

They're not going to go away soon. In the back of my mind, I'm telling myself I'm not getting better. But if you gaslight yourself enough, you start to get good at it. You believe in your own lies.

Like dad caring for me. Even if he does come over less than once or twice every month and just gives me the bare minimum I need to survive, I relieve myself and say that he still cares for me. Some fathers do worse, I say to myself. Some fathers do worse.

It's a good habit. It keeps me smiling. Presentable for Tsukki. Someday, he'll be here with me instead of my father.

I want to see mom again. I want to see Tsukki again.

It's getting even harder to breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale. 

Inhale.

Exhale. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

I had a dream.

There was an inanimate object in my path. An obstacle of sorts. I jumped over it and looked back to see that there was nothing. I looked forward and see the same object in front of me. This game of jumping over things continues until I get the idea to take a closer look.

It's me, the breath in my lungs replaced with yellow petals. They're oddly similar to Tsukki's hair. And suddenly, my body felt distant. My fingers stretched too long. The bridge of my nose weighed down by glasses.

Then I woke up.

I don't know what it means. But I guess my 'thoughts of death' are increasing. I was the one reproaching Tsukki for being so gloomy just a day ago.

God, I want to see Tsukki.

If only he cared more. If only he was less like my dad in that aspect. 

It's going to get harder to breathe.

Inhale.

Chapter Text

     Again, the same dream. This time, with a side of impending doom. Tsukishima felt somewhat amused by the unfamiliar emotion. And then he really did feel impending doom as it came to his that it was Monday and he had to go to school, and worse yet, volleyball practice.

     The question from last week was solved almost immediately as he stepped out into the touching sunlight: his tiredness was, indeed, a Monday thing. The soft smell of fallen cherry blossoms reminding him of Yamaguchi did him no good either. 

     It was different from last week. Nothing seemed quite appealing anymore. Not in contrast to Yamaguchi, anyway.

     Heavy feet led him to the gymnasium. He paused as he arrived at the large door. A sudden realization came to him that he really didn't want to go to practice that day. It wasn't the urge to slack off or sleep more (though there was a reasonable chance the cause could have been the latter), but simply the want to not move. Yet that want consumed him as he was drained of any power that his body had to offer.

     But he opened the door; what other choice did he have?

     Tsukishima had reached a new low in math class. Everything the math teacher had said slid in one ear and slid out the other, none of his words being remotely of interest other than during attendance, when he had called for Yamaguchi and there had been no reply. Several times, Tsukishima had suddenly jerked his head towards Yamaguchi's seat, only to find nothing but the heads of people he did not care about. He hardly remembered to give Yamaguchi's math homework to the teacher.

     Tsukishima knew that several people would have noticed this quite drastic change in his academic performance, but all of them would have been too scared to ask him about it. It was one of his attributes that he was actually thankful for.

     The rest of school went in a flurry, most of it overwhelmed by thoughts of Yamaguchi and gone to the back of Tsukishima's mind, never to be touched again. Perhaps he even forgot to bring his bento, as he wouldn't have remembered eating it, but he had forgotten the feeling of hunger to care.

     Sad, stupid conversations from the day before kept popping up into his mind, repeating, pulling him away from anything that the teachers were saying. Perhaps because they were shared around the last few hours that he was with Yamaguchi, around 10 to 11 p.m. It's a time that makes anyone sad and stupid, but Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were both sad and stupid at the time being and didn't realize that it was quite strange to have shared such words, and in the hospital of all places.

     There were a few minutes during lunch time when Tsukishima was restored to reality and time. The biggest of the guys from last Monday's restroom incident had pushed him in the hallway. The sudden pain of it had awakened (though it's not a very accurate word to describe such a sensation, perhaps it's more like clearing) Tsukishima's mind, though clogging his mind yet again in a few moments with anger. He had stood up, towering over the guy, looking down fiercely. Many people had gathered to see a fight. They stood so tightly together that they blocked both sides of the hall. From the corner of his eye, Tsukishima could see Hinata and Kageyama and Yachi, though they were of no importance at all.

     What was important was that he really wanted to kill this guy. For a multitude of reasons.

     He raised his hand. He saw red.

     What happened next was violent. At the beginning Tsukishima was winning. There were cheers and screams. 

     Then, suddenly, a punch had flown to his arm. Then a crack was heard.

     Tsukishima could vaguely remember being absolutely broken by the guy afterward, going to the school nurse, getting some sleep that he really wanted. Yachi had come to visit, but her words were blurred, indecipherable. Hints of worry and undertones of pity mixed in their nuances. Tsukishima didn't even have the energy to feel humiliated at the fact that, of all people, Yachi was feeling pity for him.

     It would have been better if Yamaguchi was in her place, looking down at Tsukishima with a face scrunched up in worry. 

     He was in the nurse's office for several hours, and several hours were the time it took for Tsukishima to realize that he had been quite direct with his feelings today. Something about it led him back to him wanting his headphones back.

     It turned out that Tsukishima's arm wasn't broken, just a minor fracture. But it would keep him from playing against Nekoma that day since it was unfortunately in his right arm. He would persuade the coach into letting him at least watch the game. Then he thought of the after-school talks. They would be elongated. 

     What a pity, Tsukishima thought. If they weren't bad enough, now I probably have to stay talking to that stupid teacher for twice the duration.

     The school had ended, and the nurse had wrapped his arm in bandages until the pressure of it hurt him more than the actual crack in his bone before she had let him go to the after-school talk. He was allowed to get his phone back before going to the room where the talk would happen in. Tsukishima opened it up to find that a message had arrived: one from Yamaguchi, the other from his mother. He clicked on the former first.

>Tadashi

not today, im wayyy too tired

too many x-rays in one day u_u

     His heart sank a bit as he read the message but embraced that fact that he couldn't see his friend that day. He thought of messaging back but then decided against it, lest he accidentally send something wrong and make Yamaguchi worry. The message was left on read.

     Tsukishima's thumb moved to his mother's text message now. He hesitated before checking it.

>Mom

Kei, I got a call from your school saying that you fought with that boy from last Monday. I was planning on letting you off before, but I'm on my last straw now. If you don't get your scores average over 95, then I will have to make you stop doing volleyball, and I will have to have a stern talk with you.

This is your last chance, Kei. Let me have faith in you.

     The calm fury that was felt from the long text would have made Tsukishima fear for his life usually, but now he wasn't quite feeling it. The entire thing seemed distant and menial. Perhaps the 'stern talk' part disturbed him a bit, but no more. 

     There were other things on his mind now that nobody was around him. Volleyball after the talk and studying after the return to home (though the latter was questionable). Perhaps texting Yamaguchi a bit more if said freckled boy agreed to do so.

     Tsukishima longed to be in Yamaguchi's presence as he walked slowly to the conference room. It wasn't the first time such longing had appeared in his day, but it was the first time where he had made a physical reaction to it. A blush creeped up his neck as he fought the thoughts of Yamaguchi scribbling in that note on Saturday, the simple beauty of that scene enough to make the usually stoic boy embarrassed. 

     The after-school talk went as badly as normal. During the entire hour that he had barely listened to the teacher, he had realized that maybe he didn't hate the idea of being more than friends with Yamaguchi. And that made him redder than ever.

     Somehow, Tsukishima had convinced Coach Ukai to let him watch the practice matches between Nekoma and Karasuno. The new team of Nekoma had traveled all the way from Tokyo to Miyagi, so apparently, they were around twenty minutes late, but Tsukishima was 40 more minutes late, so he missed that. 

     He entered the gym as quietly as possible, but there was the inevitable fact that he was 190cm and his right forearm was twice its width. There was also the fact that they were having a break after a match, and most of the people in the gym were very willing to think of anything and everything else other than volleyball at the moment.

     The Karasuno second years all didn't mind the fact that his arm was factured because they knew for a fact that the fractured boy himself didn’t care, but the other years and the entire Nekoma team had been very curious about the tallest member of Karasuno's arm was bandaged. (Fukunaga had received a hit in the back of the head by their new team captain, Yamamoto, after saying to Tsukishima, "It would be a real pickle if somebody pecked your pecs, too, pal.") Near nobody remained after getting a you-good-for-nothing-imbeciles glare from Tsukishima, though. Except for Lev.

     In many ways, the Nekoma middle blocker was like Hinata. For many reasons, his Karasuno counterpart hated him. But there was some sort of sensibility in the equally lanky figure, so he let him stay. Besides, he couldn't really even try to muster up energy to shoo him away after his glaring. 

     "Hey, Tsukki, so what really happened to your arm?" Lev asked with a grin on his face. Usually, Tsukishima would have said some cynical remark to avoid the entire situation, but he reminded himself again that his energy was depleted for perhaps the entire week.

     "Dunno," Tsukishima muttered as he walked to the wall of the gym and slid down to sit on the floor and put his bag down next to his own sagging body.

     Lev sat down next to him and, making no effort to hide that he was uncomfortable in such a position, Tsukishima inched away from the half-Russian boy. Lev persistently scooted closer. Quietly, the more yellow blond of the two stared daggers in the other's direction. Said other was totally unaffected.

      "What about Freckles the pinch server? He's not here tod-" Before Lev could finish his sentence, a sudden burst of furious energy that would have been a lot of help a few hours ago burst from Tsukishima, and intentionally threateningly, he cut him off with a raised voice and quick, angry speech. 

     "First of all, his name is Yamaguchi, not Freckles or whatever, and he's not here today because he's sick, okay? Don't you watch the news? And get out of my proximity!"

     Lev was reasonably startled and replaced his grin with a pout. Tsukishima couldn't really see the green-eyed boy as anything but an oversized toddler now, and he hated toddlers of any size and shape and intelligence. He found that he also had the momentum to get up and storm away. He did so.

     "And that's the only proper response he gives me," Tsukishima heard Lev mutter as Nekoma's middle blocker stood up and well and walk away to Kenma, who was calling his junior over, and by his expression for gentle chastisement. Somehow, he felt thankfulness for the setter of Nekoma, perchance for driving that despicable (at least in Tsukishima's point of view) boy-child away.

     He approached Yachi to cool off, who was writing in her manager notes. He had arrived in front of her when the small manager clicked her pen so that the nib went in and tucked it in between the pages. She let out a sigh, then squealed in fear and/or surprise as Tsukisuima lightly tapped her on the shoulder.

     "Y-yes? Oh, it's just you, Tsukishima." Yachi let out a heaving sigh, much heavier than the one just moments before.

     "Can I see the records for today's matches?" Tsukishima asked rather politely, as if to diffuse the frustration from the conversation he had a few minutes ago.

     Yachi handed to him the notes in her hand, warning Tsukishima that there may be mistakes. Ignoring her comment, he flipped through the pages and checked the results of every practice match that had happened that day. There were only two matches that had happened for the time being, both of them having Karasuno be absolutely obliterated by Nekoma. It was a wonder to even Tsukishima how a set had turned out as badly as 9-25. Looking at the more detailed records, he could see that in all of those games, they needed something to change the tide and that something wasn't there.

     That something would have been Yamaguchi. 

     It would explain why everybody on Karasuno (except for the idiotic four who didn't have negative emotions wired into their system, and Yachi) was looking quite grave. Nishinoya and Hinata clearly had tried to raise everybody's spirits with their seemingly boundless happiness, but that obviously hadn't worked.

     Tsukishima looked at the records closer. He saw so many openings where Yamaguchi could have been put in.

     He clicked his tongue and shut the notebook as he handed it back to the original owner, who accepted it as if accepting a gift from a higher entity. The tone used when talking to Tsukishima, however, was completely different.

     "Yamaguchi could've done really well if he was here with us." Yachi said.

     "Glad to see that we're on the same boat," Tsukishima nodded, poker-faced. "He's doing better. But I don't think he's going to..." 

     He let the end of his words trail off for the smaller girl to finish with her imagination. Her face darkened, her head drooping just a little bit, then she put the notebook in her lap and massaged her temples; it was such a distinctly Yamaguchi thing to do, it kind of scared Tsukishima. Or perhaps the fear was induced from something else. There were a million things that would have induced his fear on his mind, anyway, the biggest one being Yamaguchi being unattended for too long and...

     Yachi then took the notebook back from her lap as she held her head up again and looked around at the scattered and limp bodies of the high school volleyball players. It would have been quite a treacherous sight if not for the fact that they were all breathing quite intensely. Tsukishima turned to look at them, too, but his gaze quickly shifted to something vaguely green at the corner of his eye. 

     It was one of the Nekoma first years carrying a water bottle. It was black, but the colors had mixed with the red uniform he was wearing, as the boy was running towards... Shibayama.

     Tsukishima's face heated up. The name was similar to Yamaguchi's. And so was Yamamoto's name. And Kageyama's as well. He frantically took off his glasses and rubbed them on the palm of his hand, and when he put it back on, his vision was blurred—the desired effect. At least he could make his vision more confusing than his mind to try to cope. 

     "I'm gonna go home now," Tsukishima said to Yachi. She responded with a surprised look on her face, though neither of them looked away from the teams' members sprawled out on the gym floor.

     "Why? You've only been here for, like, three minutes, and you haven't watched anything.. Stay for another set." 

     "We're gonna lose anyway."

     "What makes you think that?" Yachi said that in a tone that reminded Tsukishima of his mother; the blond boy inched away in discomfort. He conflicted between telling her the truth and not doing so.

     Yamaguchi's not here. That's why we're going to lose, Tsukishima thought. He put his better hand onto his mouth to stop himself from saying it out loud. 

     "I'm going to go," Tsukishima said through his hand with a sense of finality that cut off anything that Yachi was about to say or had in mind. Yachi shrugged, but with a slightly upset expression—she regretted that she couldn't make Tsukishima stay. Both the members of the Karasuno and Nekoma volleyball teams were highly invested in their rivalry, and while for Tsukishima, the investment was lesser than the others, it was still a rare event to see his interest depleted completely.

     Tsukishima picked up his bag leaning on the wall of the gym and threw it on his shoulders. The cast on his arms proved to be a bother as he walked away without a goodbye to any of the people in the gym, feeling glances towards him as he exited. He took one look back inside (the figures were now little black and red blobs due to his blurry glasses), and in a moment, he was gone.

     His footsteps were heavy as he walked to his house, his vision not deterring him the slightest bit as his body had already memorized all the roads to his destination, thanks to the many years of walking back and forth, from and to his house. Though it was a surprisingly hollow travel as he had no one beside him. Only his breathing accompanied the sound of his shoes clicking down on the sidewalk. He thought of little but Yamaguchi and his health. And maybe the fact that it was his first time walking back home before the sun went down. 

     When he had gotten to the front steps of his house he stopped. The absolute silence of everything in and around the house seemed almost deliberate. Maybe his mother was in the garden again, but then Tsukishima would hear the quiet snip-snips of her gardening tools...

     There was a pause. Then a deep breath. His mind traced back to the text he had gotten earlier. His mother's message first this time. It seemed impossible for him to get his scores average over 95 points on the test coming up, especially with the amount of studying he had been doing for the last week. (Which was, unless you counted Sunday, none.) And he didn't want to have the 'stern talk' with his mother. And secretly, he didn't want to stop playing volleyball either. 

     Then Yamaguchi's message. A bittersweet and sad flavor rolled around on his tongue as he thought of it over and over again. Then he whipped out his phone from his jersey and quickly cleaned his glasses on his pants.

     Tsukishima was about to do something he had never done before.

<tsuki

Hey 

Hey

>Tadashi

yea tsukki?

<tsuki

Are you doing better rn?

>Tadashi

yea ig

juuuuuust a little bit (^ω^)

why? u gonna come ovr?

<tsuki

Yes

If its ok for u

>Tadashi

long as u dont bother me lol

     The translucent blue light of his phone shined on his face. Tsukishima's ears were warm, he could feel it. It was straining his left hand as it was the only one he was using to type with, but it was going to be worth it. It had to be worth it.

<tsuki

Then I'll go

     And I'll stay.

     Tsukishima tucked his phone back in his jersey's pocket and started walking towards the hospital. His arm was heavy. His bag over his shoulder was heavy. Even his glasses on the bridge of his nose was heavy.

     But he was feeling lighter than ever.

Chapter Text

     "You're staying!?" 

     That was the first thing that Yamaguchi had said when Tsukishima had revealed his intentions. Sure, he had nothing in his bag except the bare minimum needed for survival for about 5 days, but it didn't matter too much. He was too drunk on the smell of sweet that had imprinted itself upon Yamaguchi to care. 

     "Yeah, I'm not going to bother you a lot." Tsukishima had put down his bag and let a very rare, true smile on his face. He saw Yamaguchi's guard instantly disappear. Then he did that little nervous motion with his hands he did since childhood, fumbling over his words. It gave Tsukishima time to think about his next move.

     Yamaguchi now had something being injected into his arm, his (Akiteru's?) hoodie now nowhere to be seen. His bones were virtually poking through his skin, and if not for the loose hospital clothing, one could easily count his ribs. It made Tsukishima's heart ache, a shocking revelation for his emotional development.

     The tall blond opened his mouth to talk before Yamaguchi peeped up with, "Who did that to your arm?"

     I could lie and say that it wasn't a who but a what. 

     "And I know for a fact that it was a who, Tsukki. Do not lie to me." As soon as the thought arrived to his head, Yamaguchi had rebutted the unspoken argument immediately. To a third party, it would have been a little unnerving, how close they were. But all Tsukishima could feel was amusement. He let himself another smile.

     "It was one of the three idiots. From last Monday." He looked at his casted arm in something similar to shame, but his small smile didn't falter. "At least I got a few blows in in your name."

      "And you thought it was the best idea to run to the hospital where I was and expected me to just understand it all?" Yamaguchi crossed his arms, and he looked genuinely serious. Tsukishima mentally flinched, then replied,

      "Yeah."

      The relatively shorter boy's face glowed red, not from anger. The color contrasted with his freckles just enough to make them the most visible feature in his face. Tsukishima's fingers moved a tiny bit. Yamaguchi sighed and sat down on the ward's bed. Then he looked around as if to find something that wasn't there.

     "Well then," Yamaguchi said with another heaving sigh. The sigh turned into a quick cough, then he continued : "If you're going to stay here, then where are you going to sleep?"

     The answer was immediate but unplanned. "The chair."

     To be fair, it was more of a sofa than a chair. The only reason they were calling it a chair was because of the wheels that made it easy to move it around, and since Yamaguchi's standards of a chair was easy accessibility and mobility, it was called a chair. There was no reason for it to not be a place to sleep in, if not better than Tsukishima's own bed back at home. The important thing was that it was comfortable enough to sleep in.

     Yamaguchi accepted it with a slow nod. Tsukishima cautiously pulled the chair right next to the ward's bed and sat down. 

     "We should do some sleepover stuff," Tsukishima said unexpectedly. The speaker himself was the most surprised of all. The words had came out of his mouth involuntarily. Yamaguchi, too, was surprised, but then again accepted it, now with a tiny grin. 

     "What do we do, then?" Yamaguchi asked, his voice caving in as if it wasn't already caved in enough. "It's kind of late, so..."

     "It's 6 p.m., there's still 6 hours left until tomorrow officially arrives," Then, not waiting for a response, Tsukishima continued, "We can cross some stuff off of your bucket list."

     Yamaguchi's face burned redder, this time from actual anger and a mix of other emotions, and his grin dropped. His hand almost instinctively reached for his pillow, where his friend knew there would be a notebook underneath. "No, Tsukki!" The boy had said, barely loud enough to be considered a shout. Three quick coughs in succession passed, but the attitude did not change. Something about his friend's entire reaction made Tsukishima's mind waver. He came back to reality soon enough to snap up a reply.

     "When are you going to get all of that done, then?" Tsukishima sat down on the chair-sofa, the distance between him and Yamaguchi tightening up. "All but one of all that is stuff you're going to do with me. And you'd better do them while I'm still here."

     The freckled boy fumbled over his words for a second before succumbing. The disease-spores had taken his power of arguing back, apparently. Yamaguchi slumped into the sheets of the ward's bed and took out the notebook from underneath the pillow. 

     "Don't look too deep into it," He warned, though there was no bite.

     "I looked into it deep enough last time I got a hold of this," Tsukishima responded nonchalantly, reaching for the notebook. It felt just right in his hand. He flipped along the pages with ease. A few more pages had been added to the bucket list, as well as a few doodles on the corners of some, lazily visualizing what the event would look like. A star... several stars... Tsukishima seemingly throwing up while Yamaguchi was snickering... the same situation as the last but with Kageyama being the one barfing and Tsukishima joining Yamaguchi in the laughing... etc.

      Yamaguchi took the notebook, a thin layer of muscles rippling where it was visible. It mesmerized Tsukishima for a moment, and that gave his friend a chance to speak.

     "I'll be choosing the ones we're gonna do, then." The way that the boy had said it was so stern and unlike his usual self that both of them were surprised, even more than Tsukishima's prior suggestion to check off the bucket list. 

     "Oh... I mean, we will do stuff that you want to do, if you want to, I mean..." The apology was rushed but sincere. 

     "Let's get on with it," Tsukishima snapped in a tone that he knew Yamaguchi would interpret as "You're doing fine."

     The taller boy leaned over to the bed as Yamaguchi flipped through the pages in search of something that would be good enough to do in the present moment. He could slightly notice the way his friend held still for a split second on some pages, or some glances towards himself followed by a sly grin, but mostly, he was focused on Yamaguchi's face.

     His eyes were beautiful. 

     He's beautiful.

     The thought was involuntary. Yet, unlike the other involuntary thoughts he had had over the past few weeks, he embraced this one with a passion, giving in to the fact that he was indeed going slightly insane from the smell. But who needs sanity when you have the most beautiful person in the world right in front of you? 

     Tsukishima wasn't aware he was staring until Yamaguchi pointed it out.

     "Tsukki, why are you looking at me like that? It's almost as if you're looking at the dinosaur exhibition from six years ago." There was a quiet giggle because Yamaguchi knew how Tsukishima looked at dinosaur fossil exhibitions. Pure fascination. For a split second, Tsukishima thought Yamaguchi had seen through what he was feeling, but then recalled the fact that it was one of the only things Yamaguchi had misunderstood in their entire life together. The feelings he had felt for the exhibitions were much stronger than fascination.

     "Shut up, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said with a pout. There was another, louder giggle. Then Yamaguchi cleared his throat.

     "My first wish is to be able to call you Kei and get away with it."

     "I'm not a genie," Tsukishima replied, desperately fighting the blush creeping up to his cheeks at the mention of the idea. "But okay, then."

     Yamaguchi stuttered at how easily Tsukishima had accepted it, but took a deep breath and said: "Thanks, Kei."

     The seconds passed, and the tension grew as thick as honey before Tsukishima burst out in genuine laughter, followed shortly after by his friend. While Yamaguchi had a cough break, the taller blond snorted, "You can cross that off the list, but you're never calling me that again."

     He waited for the freckled boy to stop coughing and continue laughing with him, but then saw that Yamaguchi's coughing was getting worse. Tsukishima froze instantly and dropped his face as yellow petals fell out of the other's mouth. He reached for the water bottle in his own bag and opened it to give to Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi took it, still coughing, before forcing the liquid down his dry throat. After a few greedy gulps, he put the bottle down and breathed hard. An almost horrified look fell upon the boy's now-paler face as his amber eyes moved slowly towards Tsukishima.

     "I'm gonna throw up," Yamaguchi rasped. His body, obediently, started convulsing, and soon enough, he was retching. Tsukishima hastily took his friend by the arm and helped him stand up before rushing him to the bathroom directly in front of the ward, the injection machine proving to be a hindrance as it dragged along with the sick boy.

     They got in quick enough for Yamaguchi to not throw up in the sink but into the toilet. Tsukishima couldn't bear to watch, so he stood outside of the stall, facing away. 

     When the sounds of Yamaguchi in pain stopped, Tsukishima asked lowly, "You okay?"

     Instead of a reply, there was a flush, and Yamaguchi had stepped out of the bathroom stall with blood on his lips and a weak hold on the injection machine. That's enough of a reply, Tsukishima answered himself. He watched as his friend went to the sink and splashed some water on his face.

     "Damn, can't even get a good laugh anymore," Yamaguchi seemed to glance off the fact that he had literally thrown up seconds ago by faking a smile on his face. It didn't influence his friend's grimace the slightest bit. Still, he persisted. "Isn't that right, Tsukki?"

     Of course, Yamaguchi couldn't fake his very visible uneven breathing. 

     Without a word, Tsukishima walked back to the ward. He was irritated, but at what? Yamaguchi? The disease-spores? The stupid machine? Or what he was rejecting inside himself?

     Perhaps all of them. But he would rather die than say it out loud.

     Yamaguchi, rather loudly, followed his friend back to the ward. It was a very short walk but it was enough for him to be tired. When they were both in the room he forced another smile and tried to cheer Tsukishima up. 

     "You know that I know that nagging won't help you, Tsukki." Yamaguchi sat back down on the bed, his expression much more relaxed. Almost natural. "So, for today, I'm just going to... stop the bucket list shenanigans. Cool?"

     It was not cool, but Tsukishima internally forgave Yamaguchi for something he wasn't the cause of. He sat down (no, sagged down) into the chair next to his friend. 

     It was one of those comfortable silences that the two of them had. This time, it went on for quite a while, both of them not budging for nearly an hour. There were some small coughs here and there by Yamaguchi, but not much more. After their time Tsukishima spoke up.

     "You can keep calling me Kei if you want to," He murmured, no longer trying to escape his reddening. At least he earned a giggle from Yamaguchi.

     "Okay, Kei."

     Tsukishima woke up to a hushed but aggressive voice. He wasn't too sure when he had fallen asleep, but he did remember that the day before, he had blocked his mother from his contacts. He had other priorities at the moment. 

     He opened his eyes slightly and looked around. The sun hadn't risen, and Yamaguchi was the owner of the aggressive voice on the phone with someone else. He was facing away, sitting on the other side of the bed towards the large windows. Tsukishima closed his eyes but listened intently.

     After a few moments of focusing on his hearing and feeling the comfort of the chair, he could figure out that Yamaguchi was talking to his father.

     "No... I mean... look, I'm at the hospital, okay? So... yeah, I don't know how I'll be paying for it, but... some of the doctors promised to pay me for the science research or something. Dad, I..." 

     A sigh and a ruffle of the sheets. "I'm sorry... what? Because, uhm... dad, wait-"

     There was the sound of a phone call ending, then a shaky sigh. A few moments passed before a quiet, much less aggressive voice called out: "I know you're awake, Tsukki."

     Well, there was no more hiding it now. Tsukishima's eyes flew open to see Yamaguchi facing towards him. 

     The low moonlight outlined Yamaguchi's features, as if his entire body was being highlighted. However, the effect caused his face to be covered in shadow.

     "Did you have a good night?" Yamaguchi did not skip the pleasantries. 

     "Kinda," Tsukishima replied in his morning voice, though it wasn't much of a morning voice than it was a dawn voice.

     He stood up right as his friend fully faced towards him now. The change in angle now highlighted his cheekbones, so sharp. Tsukishima's fingers twitched again, letting out a sharp breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

     "I need to tell you something."

Chapter Text

2008. 4. 29.

     Kei's so cool.

     He's always talking like he's the boss of his own world. I guess he is.

     Maybe I'm being too clingy with him. But last time he invited me to his house, so maybe we're cool. 

     His mother is so sweet. His father—from what I hear, he'll be away for a few years in a few months—always plays with us and Akiteru-san. 

     They're so different from dad. They'd probably ask their kids about their day. 

     Would Kei think it's lame that I want his parents as mine?

     I think I had good parents.

     Tsukishima's heart raced immediately at the saying, though he knew that it was not going to be something that he was expecting. But a man could hope.

     "What is it?" he asked carefully. Yamaguchi took in a deep breath, a response that Tsukishima was not expecting. However, it kept him on his toes lest his friend suddenly start coughing.

     "It's about my family."

     To think of it, Tsukishima couldn't remember whether or not Yamaguchi had ever even talked about his family before. A curious nervousness creeped up his neck, conflicting loudly yet silently whether or not he should listen. Before he could make a clear choice, Yamaguchi started talking. Lowly, almost devoid of emotion except for a slight fear that Tsukishima could notice only because he had known his friend for so long.

      "My earliest memory is from four years old. I remember my mama picking me up and feeding me milk. She looked at me. Dad wasn't. He was looking at mama. And I think, until then, dad kind of did care for me. Because they started fighting when mama started smoking, when I was six. Or something else was the reason. I dunno, anyway the important thing was they started fighting.

     And they kept on fighting for around four or five years. They broke up after that. And even before their divorce, dad had been starting to not care about me. But the divorce made him drink lots and not come home for long periods of time. And when he did, he was never sober enough to actually... y'know, be a parent to me."

     Yamaguchi coughed lightly. The emotionless and flat tone of speech scared Tsukishima. How long would Yamaguchi have had to deal with this situation?

     "Slowly I started avoiding him and caring for myself. He gave me money when I ask for it, but he never had enough. He's also very salty." Yamaguchi flashed a small smile directed at his friend. It was not returned. The freckled boy continued, "So... I could get myself the stuff I needed. None of which I wanted, sure, but I didn't really want anything then. Most of my meals consisted of instant ramen if the water boiled. Eventually, the school noticed my health issues, uhm, and they sent a letter to dad..."

     Yamaguchi's poker face faltered. He let out a few more coughs and asked for Tsukishima's water bottle. It was given and returned, but he stayed quiet for a few more seconds before continuing.

     "He didn't come home for a month. There wasn't enough of anything in the fridge, and my pocket money—if you could call that measly amount pocket money, of course—ran out quickly. If you knew me, when I was in fourth grade..."

     "I did," Tsukishima revealed, interrupting Yamaguchi, but it seemed to comfort the boy more than it did disrupt him. "Was that why you didn't come to school for an entire week?"

     Yamaguchi nodded, making his friend's heart drop a mile. Both of their faces darkened, the sun ironically rising behind them.

     "I thought it would be better for me to just save my energy instead of getting hungrier by going to school and stuff." He took a glance outside, almost as if to check if the sun was listening in on them. His sigh was shaky as he turned back around. "And... when my dad came back, the bullies that you know started being mean to me."

     Tsukishima's stomach churned, but he stayed quiet. He felt foolish to have even thought of anything as stupid as...

     "Then you came into my life."

     Utter silence.

     "I'm sorry, I babbled on about too much stupid stuff. You didn't need to know any of that."

     Usually, Tsukishima would have agreed. He would have stopped Yamaguchi and told him to shut up midway. Probably not that rudely, but similarly so. This time, he felt nothing similar to the usual annoyance that he was so familiar with. Instead, his mind was filled with a copious amount of hatred for Yamaguchi's father. How could he have possibly done such a thing—or, lacked in doing anything at all—to his son, who could outshine the sun? 

     To such a beautiful child?

     They were silent again. They could hear the sun rise and everything that happened because of it. Especially the slight commotion outside the ward's door. Tsukishima was alarmed, but it only showed on his face. Both of them did not move. 

     "It's breakfast, probably." Yamaguchi looked almost lifeless as he breathed the words out. Before Tsukishima had time to process why in the world the nurses would give him breakfast at daybreak, the nurses themselves came into the room. This time, he did make a bodily reaction. A verbal one as well, as he involuntarily yelped a curse. There were three nurses at the ward's door, none of whom were carrying anything remotely similar to a breakfast tray, causing all of the five people in that room to be rather confused. In said confusion, one nurse blurted out:

     "We are currently planning on administering intravenous fluid resuscitation, performing venous blood analysis, procuring biological specimens for diagnostic evaluation, and conducting routine physiological assessments, such as anthropometric measurements and other clinical examinations. Consequently, we must kindly request that you vacate the premises."

     One of the other nurses that looked around the same age lightly hit the nurse who had just said all of that aloud and mumbled, "You memorized all that?"

     The oldest-looking nurse sighed and gestured to Tsukishima, and then she told him in words that he could understand that he had to leave the ward. He was about to agree before Yamaguchi spoke up, quietly but loud enough to be heard. 

     "Can he stay just a bit longer?"

     The nurses looked like they were about to rebut when Yamaguchi coughed and continued, "I promise it won't be long."

     Perhaps it was only to Tsukishima, but there was an endearing quality to the hushed request that nobody could say no to. It seemed effective on the nurses as they stuttered and left. The two friends' eyes met. The sun had risen enough to not just outline his cheekbones but his entire face, brightening the entire room. The added light also served to make it much more visible that Yamaguchi was blushing.

     "Thanks for listening to me," the freckled boy whispered. (Tsukishima could really see those freckles now). He tightened his fists around his sheets, then continued: "Also, don't start cursing dad up and down. I know you're gonna do that, but he's still my dad." And in a more playful tone, "Now get out of the ward before the nurses get suspicious. You do not want to mess with them."

     The taller boy let himself a smile, not for himself, but for Yamaguchi. Then he left. 

    It was a one or two hours before Tsukishima was allowed into Yamaguchi's ward again. Those few hours were what it took for the boy to realize that the air felt very clean. It felt like he had been swimming in a pool on tar when, suddenly, just outside of the ward, the substance he had been swimming in had turned into water. He knew it was normal air. It made the experience even more unbelievable. 

     He had walked around the hospital for a few minutes, carefully observing the layout that was next to the elevator, which Tsukishima had somehow managed to not notice. The facility had a lot of stuff in it. A library, a guestroom (Why would a hospital need a guestroom? He would never know), and a cafeteria were the most notable places. In all of said places, heads were turned as he had walked into the room. It was around the third time he had experienced this when he realized that Yamaguchi's strong scent had bore into him. It explained the newly refreshing quality of the air he was so used to. It also explained the looks he had gotten; it was perhaps the same look he had given Yamaguchi when he had gone to his house for the first time after his infection. 

      It was a remarkably distant and quiet place, the hospital was. Tsukishima wondered how Yamaguchi would have managed to bear staying in here for more than 24 hours, trapped within a place as colorless as his neighborhood. Trapped in his own merciless thoughts and memories. Even for a solitary person like Tsukishima, this place was a bit too much. 

     He checked out a few books from the library, most of them about diseases and the human body's reaction to them, but one was from the philosophy isle; Tsukishima had remembered, with some difficulty, the fact that Yamaguchi had written down 'debate about the morality of self-defence' in his bucket list. It was oddly specific and strange at the time of his reading, but now it made sense. Perhaps Yamaguchi himself wasn't convinced and needed Tsukishima's strong persuasions to help himself be so.

      Not everybody in the world is me, I guess, Tsukishima accepted as he, for a short time, wondered why Yamaguchi couldn't have just fought back. And not everybody in the world grows up to be me, either.

     ...Would Yamaguchi be uncomfortable with me thinking about this?

     He had been walking back to the second floor to his friend's ward when he had the thought. His grip on the books became tighter. 

     Was it just that the air had been too clean for too long? As he walked up to the second floor (he preferred not to take the elevator, as he couldn't press the button with his left hand full of books and his right hand unavailable), the smell of sweet became painfully strong. He knew at once that even the slightest crack in Yamaguchi's ward's door could cause absolute olfactory disaster for possibly the entire hospital. 

     Tsukishima went in when the nurses came out and let him in. He wasn't aware of it before due to the lack of light, but one of the nurses was the nurse at the front desk. He could've greeted her, but his nose and brain hurt too badly from the smell, and he was too focused on meeting Yamaguchi again to care.

     He was devastated at how Yamaguchi looked. Somehow even thinner with another bag of liquid being injected into him—Tsukishima knew the horror on his face was evident when he saw that the liquid this time was blood.

     "Kei, it's fine. Come on, sit next to me." Yamaguchi gestured with the hand that didn't have two needles sticking into it. The use of his given name was the only thing that made him snap out of his shock and drag his feet to the chair next to Yamaguchi. He sat down and gave his friend the philosophy book, to which the boy beamed. The look on Yamaguchi's face was so lively that Tsukishima's heart was brought back up to his chest and flooded with relief. Maybe he was getting better, and they could get out of this bland hospital and go back to being friends again and pretend to be fine. 

     "Thanks, Tsu- uh, I mean, Kei."

     "You don't need to force yourself to say my name, you know."

     Yamaguchi giggled, his full-sounding throat clogging the brightness of it a little bit. "But I want to call you Kei, it's just that my mouth keeps on calling you Tsukki."

     "Shut up, Yamaguchi." Tsukishima frowned, with no malicious intent. An almost reflexive 'Sorry, Tsukki' followed his words.

     "Are we doing the bucket list, then, uh, Kei?" Yamaguchi asked, immediately disobeying Tsukishima's half-hearted order. The blond boy smiled tightly and nodded. 

     Today, as few days in Tsukishima's life were, would be a long day.

     Several hours had passed. Several items on Yamaguchi's list were crossed off. They were both exhausted and indulging in their books. Occasionally, Yamaguchi would point out a meaningful sentence or ask Tsukishima about the definition of a word, or, rarely, poke fun at a typo. Much more frequently, he would cough. But other than that, they were silent. Tsukishima noticed that Yamaguchi seemed to take longer reading the book—of course, Tsukishima had always been the quicker reader of the two, but it felt less of a lack of ability more than the need to absorb every word and syllable in the book. He felt proud for picking the book by himself.

     The silence was broken by a series of vibrations from Tsukishima's phone. With some worry, he checked the cause of it: Hinata. Or, as saved in his phone, idiot no.1. Yamaguchi seemed to take some interest, but his eyes didn't waver from the pages in his hand. Thankfully, they were just texts.

>idiot no.1

HEYYYYY WHERE U AT???

EVERYBODYS WORRIED AND STUFF 

HOW IS YAMS?????? DID U MEET HIM OR?????

     He could practically feel the orange-haired boy scream. He also didn't want Yamaguchi to see any of the things he had said between the previous conversations between them. So the response was quick but effective:

<tsuki

stfu

     A sly giggle next to his ear scared Tsukishima half to death, but as he was, it wasn't shown. He was about to turn the phone off and say something about Yamaguchi's rudeness when another message popped up.

>idiot no.1

YOUR BROTHER AND YOUR MOM CAME TO SCHOOL AND STUFF

EVERYBODYS REALLY SERIOUS 

AND 

ANYWAY RESPONG properly AND QUICKLY OK??????????????????????????

     His face darkened. He hadn't mentioned to Yamaguchi about him not talking to his mother about him staying at the hospital. Tsukishima went back to typing; his stretching left land hurt even more.

<tsuki

Shut the fuck up

     He then proceeded to put the phone on mute and turn it off. As the phone was placed on his lap, Tsukishima slowly turned his head to where he could feel breathing on his shoulder. Uneven, uneasy breathing. But it made the owner of such breath much more identifiable. That identifiability gave peace to his heart.

     "Kei," Yamaguchi whispered, his face too close to Tsukishima's. "I need to tell you something."

     The sun was already way under the horizon, and they had been relying on the light of Yamaguchi's phone's flashlight cleverly hung on a wall to read their books, emitting a low buzz that was, at the moment, far too loud. Now, it focused on Yamaguchi's face, lighting up one side of it. Especially his eyes. They reflected everything, yet that made it all the more difficult to see through.

     Tsukishima couldn't feel his heart pounding like it had during the morning when his friend had uttered the exact same words to him. Perhaps he expected another sad fact about his family. Perhaps he expected something even crueler, judging by his grave expression. He readied his heart for a strong blow.

     Yamaguchi seemed to have difficulty getting the words out of his mouth, him licking his dry lips and doing that slight nervous motion with his hands again. Tsukishima was patient.

     "I don't think I'm going to get better," Yamaguchi breathed—it was a weak and unsteady breath, holding the slightest mention of a voice. 

     "Because I'm in love with you."

     Tsukishima stopped breathing.

     The world stood still. There was nothing in the universe other than Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, not even time, not even space. He should have felt delighted at this information. Proud, even. And yet, why did he feel so... heavy? It was an emotion he didn't quite understand yet...

     "And..." Yamaguchi started again, shuddering midway through his pause. For the duration of said pause, Tsukishima's heart stopped as well. "I don't think that's changing anytime soon."

     And at those words, the only thing left in the universe was gone, leaving empty void and loneliness in its wake. Slowly, it became full again, starting with Yamaguchi, then with emotions that bloated until they pushed against each other to make room to breathe in. They squeezed Tsukishima inside out, even though he wasn't even in the world yet.

     Then the tears.

     Tsukishima had never cried in front of Yamaguchi. Crying was pathetic and lame. He always had to be the more awesome and impressive one of the two, even if that meant impressing only Yamaguchi. Because Yamaguchi was always leaning on Tsukishima so heavily, the thin boy foolishly thought that his admirer would fall over and break if he ever let him down once. 

     Perhaps Tsukishima was the one leaning on Yamaguchi all this time. Perhaps Tsukishima had been broken over and over and over again only for Yamaguchi to take every single piece and patch it up one by one, even if that meant his hands would become bloody and bruised, even if that meant the result would always be a bit more hurtful and fragile than before. 

     Tsukishima leaned onto Yamaguchi's bed, gripping onto the sheets and Yamaguchi's hand as if they were keeping him alive, his head dropping lower than that to the frames of the bed. Slowly, silently. As both of them had always been. The glasses fell down to they floor.

     At first, the tears were silent. Tsukishima wasn't aware they were on his face before one slipped into his mouth and he could taste how shockingly salty it was. His grip became ever tighter. Yamaguchi's repeated 'You don't have to love me back' and 'Please don't cry. Please don't cry' only served to worsen the emotions. And the universe was becoming too full.

     To him, crying was still pathetic. He was pathetic for failing to notice, after all these years, that he loved Yamaguchi back.

     At least within his mind, Yamaguchi would no longer be called his friend.

He'd do anything for me,

I'd do anything for him.

Chapter Text

    "Let's go see the stars, Kei."

     The request was as hushed as yesterday's. It barely got Tsukishima awake, especially as the chair seemed to provide more comfort than needed. The air was still too cold to be morning, though.

     As his eyes slowly opened, Tsukishima realized that it was still dark outside—either he had been sleeping too much or too little. He decided that his remaining fatigue implied the latter was correct. It came to him as slowly as his awareness did—

     Yamaguchi confessed to me yesterday.

     Yes, it was true. Especially as he vaguely remembered dropping his glasses, the seemingly irrelevant cause to be the reason for his blurry sight. Tsukishima groaned and leaned over to the gap between the ward's bed and his chair, waving aimlessly until he got a hold of something cold and plastic. His vision was returned to him, and before him was bestowed the sight of Yamaguchi. Well, the silhouette of him, at least, as the darkness did no good to aid in recognizing anything in the room. 

     "Earth to Kei?" Yamaguchi's voice called. Tsukishima noticed only now that it sounded slightly more gravelly than usual, but it compensated for the sudden pristine quality it held this dawn.

     "Tsu... Kei to Earth," Tsukishima replied, his morning voice coming in thick.

     "I said, let's go see the moon together." Yamaguchi's voice urged, not in annoyance, but in excitement. It took the other, barely awake boy a moment to process that information. When the moment passed, he hoped the surprise wasn't evident on his face as he replied with:

     "How?"

     "Well, there's a secret entrance on the second floor that the nurses don't guard, it's right down the other hall and if I take the IV bags off we'll get away pretty easily," Yamaguchi said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was a little trait that Tsukishima found usually very appealing and would have considered so if not for that trait being quite problematic in this very situation.

     "That's stupid, I-" Tsukishima stopped midway through what he was saying. There were so many things he wanted to say and so little time.

     So little time.

     Yamaguchi waited.

     "First of all, taking off those bags—" Tsukishima pointed towards the injection machine, he wasn't really aware of which finger he was holding up—"How long d'you think you'd last without them?"

     "The nurses told me that I'd go for a few days, probably," Yamaguchi said, in that same, obvious, infantilizing tone. Tsukishima hated how lovely it sounded. "They did heavily suggest against it, though. It's fine, it's not like it's gonna kill me in the few hours that the night's gonna last for." A giggle, as if what he just said wasn't mortifying. "I know how to get it off, the only real thing you would need is a bandage. There must be a few bandages lying around the hospital. It's a hospital, after all."

     "I mean, okay, but second, where are we even going to go? And how long do you expect us to be there for?" Tsukishima pushed on, his right hand constantly budging but being unable to move. 

     "Before breakfast? I think we'll get back soon enough; hold on." The boy shuffled around in his bed to find his phone, only to find it hung up on the wall exactly as it had been yesterday. When it was in his hand, it shone with a blinding light in the near pitch black darkness, giving Tsukishima the first real glimpse of Yamaguchi of the day. 

     It must be the lighting, Tsukishima thought, as the bags under the other's eyes were unnervingly visible. I hope he didn't spend the night up.

     "Yeah, no, it's 2 in the morning. We have plenty of time." Yamaguchi scoffed as he turned the phone off again. "I'm planning on Getsunosaka. But if you have a closer hill, then feel free to propose another place."

     "Light pollution," Tsukishima murmured, earning a short and loud cough-laugh from Yamaguchi that felt almost forbidden. 

     A few more coughs, and then Yamaguchi continued. "You'd be surprised as to how clear the sky is even on normal days. It's a few days before rain, I checked an hour ago, but it's relatively clear today. We'll be able to catch a glimpse of something."

     Tsukishima tried to say something against it, but he found that his body had already succumbed.

      He stood up and held out a hand for Yamaguchi to grab as he followed suit. The boy smiled and held his hand tight. Tsukishima knew well that his hand was bigger compared to Yamaguchi's, and he was reminded of it again as he wrapped his around the other's.

     His hand was so cold.

     "Your hands are so warm," Yamaguchi breathed. 

      Nobody called my hands warm before.

      "Could you find a bandage for me? I'll work on getting the needles off." Yamaguchi said; the smile was audible. Tsukishima nodded, though he knew it wasn't visible. The taller boy was about to leave before making a slight noise of realization and coming back to his seat. 

     "I have a bandage in my bag, I think." The simple phrase got a little snort out of Yamaguchi, giving his friend (though that title was ambiguous now) a tremendously warm feeling in his chest. A blush creeped over to his ears.

      Tsukishima got a few bandages out, sat down and watched timidly as Yamaguchi slowly pulled the first needle out, centimeter by excruciating centimeter, the other's face contorted not in agony, but in concentration. It seemingly caused more pain for the observer than the one experiencing it.

     After the first needle was completely out, Yamaguchi took Tsukishima's bandage and put it on where the injection was. He repeated the process for the second needle, though it was slightly bloodier than the previous one.

     In a few minutes, the two boys were ready to go, quietly slipping out of the ward and stopping only to refill Tsukishima's bottle of water. Only the breathy coughs of Yamaguchi gave them away, both of them tensing up after each one and giggling silently when the tension had subsided. They reached the exit quickly, and as soon as they had left their ward, they had left the hospital. 

     Both of them felt how crisp the air was once they had stepped outside. Yamaguchi expressed how he felt bad for polluting the scent of nothing with his smell. Tsukishima said nothing. 

     Getsunosaka was reasonably far away, so their walk was long and leisurely. They discussed many topics on the kilometer-long walk. It was almost as if they were back to normal again, like their morning walks to school, except this time, it was 5 hours early.

     Both of them knew the roads by heart, having grown up on those paths since they were young, traversing them for years; mostly together. So even though the night was cold and dark, it gave the two runaway boys no challenge. They sometimes even took a detour to find shorter routes, though none were successful. 

     Perhaps it took around an hour and a half to get to the hill. It may have been longer, as Yamaguchi's failing body was an expected burden. But it helped them appreciate the view as they went, especially the sky. It was clearer than Tsukishima had thought, and he started to think that this trip wouldn't be as big of a mistake after all—and he considered light pollution less of an obstacle as well, as the stars shone on them brighter than in any night he remembered. It even gave him the stupidly fantastical idea that the heavens were gifting them with this moment. As a reward for having gone through so much. A bright night.

      "Do you want to play volleyball again?" Tsukishima asked after a particularly long silence. 

      Yamaguchi pursed his lips, then said: "Yeah, I do."

     "Oh." Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi would interpret that as a 'why'.

     "Well, mainly because I miss the thrill of being on my feet." A light cough. "I also really liked winning. Having a volleyball in my hands, even though the opportunity was scarce. Making everybody happy. Turning the tides." Another cough, a bit heavier this time. "Winning, yeah, winning."

     Yamaguchi turned his gaze towards Tsukishima. "I also loved playing with you, Kei."

     Beat.

     "And, uh, not to mention our teammates! They're the best friends I've had besides you for a while, so, uhm, yeah, Hinata, Kageyama, Yacchan..." Yamaguchi blabbered on about how wonderful it was to play with his teammates, ferociously flushed. Tsukishima watched and listened to every word that he said, feeling something popping in his chest like bubbles.

     They walked on for a few more minutes. Yamaguchi suddenly fell silent. Tsukishima didn't ask why.

      They arrived at the hill that they had been so used to. The entire Karasuno volleyball team had practiced running on this hill, sometimes several times a day. It was steeper than what both of them had remembered. It proved to be quite a problem as Yamaguchi was so tired that he could barely walk, let alone climb. Tsukishima was ready to carry him all the way up to the unattended side of the little mountain, but the other refused. His pride didn't let him.

     Because of that decision, Yamaguchi had a very difficult time getting all the way up, coughing nearly constantly and throwing up on an empty stomach once. (Both of them feared how they were getting used to it.) Tsukishima's water bottle emptied as quickly as Yamaguchi's throat dried. But they kept walking up. They were too far away from the hospital to stop now.

     They stopped to take a breath at the side of the road. They were close to the top, and it was only their fatigue holding them back from continuing. 

     "What are we, then?" Tsukishima asked.

     "I don't know... not friends, I guess." Yamaguchi answered.

      "I can't just keep calling you my not-friend in my head, then."

      "Call me Tadashi. It seems unfair for me to be the only one to call you by your given name." 

     Tsukishima sighed through his nose. Yamaguchi coughed. They laughed a moment after.

     "'Shut up, Tadashi.' God, that feels so wrong!" Tsukishima said in between laughs.

     "Sorry, Kei." Yamaguchi giggled. The awkwardness was evident, but it was one Tsukishima could get used to.

     They got up after a minute to continue walking.

     They arrived at their destination soon. A sudden forest had introduced itself to the two of them, sullen and dark. Many would consider the forest dark, but the two of them walked into the woods, for they knew it wasn't as it seemed to be. It was accepting. They'd experienced it themselves.

     A memory tugged on Tsukishima's hair. When he tried to get a hold of it, it flew away.

     I played hide-and-seek with Tsukki once, in elementary school, before the Akiteru incident. I didn't really know the rules because, well, I had no friends to play it with. So I ran all the way to the forest of Getsunosaka, and I kept looking around for Tsukki because I thought that was how the game worked. Hide while seeking. I'd done that plenty of times before.

     It kind of hit me that I was all alone in a forest with no guardians around me. I didn't cry. I didn't try to get out of there. If I did, Tsukki would spot me, and that would be the end of the game. That was what I thought. My little kid brain couldn't think about the fact that I was quite a long distance away from school. Such a long distance, in fact, that nobody, not even Tsukki with his glasses, would be able to see me. 

     But I was scared. I was scared of being alone, and I was scared of being found. Those two thoughts fought each other so horribly in my head that I pushed myself next to a big, thick tree and rolled up into a ball. 

     Call it camouflage if you will, but my hair made me blend in totally with the environment. So I just sat there, waiting for someone to pick me up but also wishing for nobody to find me. I was there for four hours. I still didn't cry.

     I thought of all the things a little kid could think of during those hours. I can distinctly remember thinking that it could possibly be better if I had been living there and not at home with dad. I watched the sun set as I imagined it laughed at me for my foolishness. 

     At one point, I started to believe i was hallucinating in a way, hearing things that I was sure weren't real. Like my name being cried out from below the mountain, or snakes hissing around my feet. They made me curl up even tighter and hold my breath. How long I hadn't been breathing, I don't know, but it came to a point where I was feeling dizzy. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to go back to Tsukki. But if I did, that would mean I would lose the game, and I didn't want that.

     The moon had hidden itself behind the leaves of the trees when I heard a voice. I knew that one was real because I knew who it belonged to. 

     Tsukki called my name, and my arrogant mind telling me that the game still wasn't done collapsed as I stood up and ran toward him, making the first sound I had made in hours; a sob. 

     I must have looked pathetic, dirt scrambled across my face with tears running down it to make mud. But I didn't think of that when I ran to Tsukki's arms and hugged him and cried. For a moment, I thought he would call me a freak, maybe crazy or going all the way over to the hill when there was no rational reason to. But he hugged me back. He held me, eyes closed, whispering my name over and over again as he brushed his hands through my hair. For the first time in my life, I felt safe.

     I knew even then that Tsukki wasn't like this to other people. And as selfish as I was, I dug into Tsukki's embrace, trying to get as much of it as possible because I was certain that demeanor wouldn't be coming back. And he let me.

    Now, I'm starting to understand that that's the first time I fell in love with Kei.

     "This is a nice clearing," Yamaguchi said, unreasonably excited. Tsukishima agreed—the view of the sky was, indeed, quite excellent. The stars were beautifully visible, and the moon had seemingly come into the atmosphere for them to watch.

     They sat down in a nice patch of grass ("It must be dirty," Tsukishima emphasized, though he fell weak at Yamaguchi's pleas) and looked up at the sky. 

     "Do you know any constellation names, Kei?" Yamaguchi asked quietly once they had settled. 

     "I do, but I can't match them up with the stars. They all look the same to me," Tsukishima confessed. He waited for the other boy to giggle. It didn't come.

     The wind felt chilly to Tsukishima, making him know that it was cold to Yamaguchi as well. His finger twitched, and only then did he blame his feeble arm for not being able to do anything, though he should've done that a long time ago. He was to the left of Yamaguchi, so he couldn't just hold out his better hand and make it not awkward. Awkward was the last thing he wanted this moment. These few minutes had to be perfect. 

     They slowly lay down on the grass and went to stargazing. The moon was coming into the very middle of the gap in the trees, making the sky look like it revolved around the silver orb. Miraculously, most of the Milky Way was visible. Tsukishima, who was stealing quick glances to Yamaguchi's direction, saw that his not-friend was completely starstruck. The light piercing through the leaves seemed to hit every one of Yamaguchi's freckles. Tsukishima liked that.

     After a solid five minutes of simply staring at the sky, a hand that was pale even in the darkness pointed to a star. Tsukishima had to get close to see what Yamaguchi was pointing at properly.

     "Polaris," Yamaguchi breathed, albeit shakily. "It's right above our heads, isn't it. We should lie south." 

     They shifted their position, and the taller boy watched as the other traced his way back to where Polaris was. Another breath came out.

     "Ursa Minor." 

     "When did you memorize all of that?"

     Ignoring the question, Yamaguchi continued, moving his finger around a bit to find the next collection of stars.

     "Draco. And... Ursa Major. So... Leo Minor and Leo. That's supposed to be a lion, Kei. Can you see it?"

     At some point, Tsukishima's glances had turned into one long gaze. The freckled boy hadn't turned his head around, but Tsukishima knew he was feeling the eyes on his face. On his freckles. 

     "I love you too," Tsukishima smiled.

     Yamaguchi seemed to process that information a second late, seeming indifferent at first but gasping quietly a moment after. And as slowly as they had come up the hill, he turned his eyes to the boy next to him. Tsukishima had already turned his entire body over to Yamaguchi's side by then. Naturally, Yamaguchi followed suit.

     Their faces were close. Their noses were actually touching. Tsukishima could smell his not-friend's breath—intoxicatingly sweet. He could see himself in the other's eyes. And he could count the freckles on the other's face. The sudden proximity made him flush, his smile drooping to an embarrassed frown as his eyes wandered off to Yamaguchi's thin shoulder.

     "My eyes are up here, Kei."

     They saw each other in themselves. 

      "Tadashi," Tsukishima whispered as he leaned in, and the sweetness was his to take.

     If only it had gotten better from there.

Chapter Text

     It took twice the time they took when coming to Getsunosaka going back to the hospital. Yamaguchi was timid, as he could 'feel the sun rising', and their worries were correct as they came back to several infuriated nurses. By some stroke of luck, Tsukishima was still allowed into the ward, though he was kicked out of it soon after. Yamaguchi waved him goodbye as his lover decided to take another tour around the hospital.

     Lover, Tsukishima called Yamaguchi within his mind now. Boyfriend seemed inappropriate, and friend—friend was already decided upon that it was, in fact, incorrect. It felt like any word without the word love in it felt too plain. Because they loved each other. It was the only rational option.

     With consent, Tsukishima had taken Yamaguchi's bucket list to reference when borrowing books from the library. Both of them had hardly read the books they had gotten yesterday (however, Tsukishima was indeed a book ahead, he blushed at how the green-haired boy praised him with such fervor) but he wanted to give Yamaguchi a chance to think that his lover thought that he would be able to read all of them before either his demise, or his recovery.

     Both of them were denying the fact that Yamaguchi was going to die. It was basically certified when they had came from Getsunosaka. He threw up blood twice one the way down, and yet they continued gleefully conversing like they always did. Perhaps it was the only form of conversation they had ever had. Perhaps even the confessions were of that sort.

     Tsukishima hand-picked all of the books in the library. There were staggeringly few of the books Yamaguchi had written that he wanted to read (with Tsukishima, of course; there was still only one item in the Tadashi section of the list). He picked up all of the ones that he could. He also noticed that there were significantly less of his own books. Tsukishima didn't mind. He had borrowed enough yesterday anyway.

     The process had taken too quick, and he was back in front of Yamaguchi's ward, waiting with an armful of books. Conveniently, there was a bench right next to the elevators, and the closest one was almost directly next to Yamaguchi's ward. As it was the most optimal choice, Tsukishima took a seat there and started flipping through the pages of the books he had borrowed.

     About the time when his biology book started to bore him, he heard his name clearly in the hall heading towards Yamaguchi's ward. Tsukishima shut the book as quietly as he could and perked his ears up to listen.

     "About the 16-year-old boy coming into the patient's ward..."

     "Tsukishima Kei-san." (Tsukishima recognized the voice as the front desk nurse's.) "Yes, about him?"

     "At... if there is any chance at all, I mean... they have gotten quite close over the past week, haven't they. The boy... Tsu, Tsukishima? He seems to be skipping class entirely just for the patient. You can see the students going to school, they're—they're literally taking their midterms, and the boy is just dismissing that. And, this dawn... you know." 

     Tsukishima felt an involuntary shiver down his spine. He hoped nobody had to use the elevator at the moment lest he be found.

     "I don't see the problem," the front-desk nurse said in a way where one could hear the shrug. "They don't seem to be a problem to the other patients. The only real problem is that Tsukishima-san would have the disease-spores, too."

     "No, you're not getting my point. They could be, like... more than..."

     The nurse's response was sharp and cutting. "If I'm getting what you're implying correctly, then I fear I'll have to say you're wrong. The last thing we should be doing is separating them. Don't you understand? Have you never felt love before?"

     Thank you, a thousand times thank you, Tsukishima could only be so grateful. He quickly turned away from the hall when he heard their shoes click-clacking towards him, but if he wasn't trying to hide the fact that he was listening in on their conversation, he might have actually voiced his gratitude out loud. But his chest ached from the mere thought. He didn't move.

     He continued flipping through the pages, and he was let in when he was halfway through the book. 

     Tsukishima tried not to look as surprised as the day before, but now a heart monitor and another IV bag were added to the many things Yamaguchi was attached to. The boy on the bed motioned for him to come over, and Tsukishima was more than happy to oblige. As soon as he was seated, Yamaguchi pointed to the heart monitor. His arm was becoming remarkably thinner.

     "Look at that," Yamaguchi said weakly, as if Tsukishima wasn't already looking in that direction. "My heart's beating that fast." The monitor showed 129 bpm. The boy's gaze turned to his lover. "Don't you think, Kei, that if my heart's giving that much effort to keep me alive, I ought to get better?"

     Tsukishima looked away without a reply. Yamaguchi coughed and took a deep breath before saying, "What do you think those other lines mean? The blue ones and the red ones."

     "I don't know, ask the doctors." 

     "They probably won't let me. Just an hour ago, they gave me a frightening speech about how my health should be my number one priority, and such risky behavior wouldn't be tolerated... et cetera et cetera." Yamaguchi giggled. 

     "They sound like my mom."

     "Moms sound like that?"

     The blond boy cleared his throat at the unexpected response. He then looked at Yamaguchi and reluctantly nodded. Tsukishima didn't know how to feel about the fact that his lover seemed more interested than jealous or sad. 

     He gave Yamaguchi the books, and he was pleased to see that the other boy looked happy. After all, that was all that Tsukishima really needed. He wanted to talk more today.

     "So, where did you learn all those constellations?" Tsukishima asked, more expressive than he had been in years.

     "I focused in science class," Yamaguchi giggled again, coughing a bit before continuing. "I have to be in the same class as you, after all. Well, that and I just kinda got interested in stars. I heard once from somebody that my face looked like the galaxy, so..."

     A pale, bony, freckled hand touched the owner's face. Neither could look at each other.

     The sun was at such a position that, in Tsukishima's point of view, it was right behind Yamaguchi's head. The sky was turning bluer by every passing second. Dark clouds were forming in the distance. The last of the stars faded away. Tsukishima excused himself and went to the bathroom to wash his face; he'd been living quite messily for the past week.

     He saw himself in the mirror yet avoided it. He hated himself for looking so healthy when Yamaguchi was suffering. It made him not want to clean himself, a thought he hadn't had in years. The cold water came to his face.

     When he had come back, Yamaguchi was taking a nap, facing the window and away from the door, and the bucket list notebook was open to the Tadashi section. There was still only one item there, but the contents had changed. Instead of 'Start a proper family', there was 'Become an astronomer' with a crude but sincere star drawn next to it. When Tsukishima had flipped around to the Kei section, he found that the previous item on the list had been added to his own.

     "Did you know, Kei-kun, that eagles go through a torturous stage when they're around thirty years old, breaking their own beak and plucking their own feathers all out one by one, chewing out their claws?"

     When they were younger, Yamaguchi was very interested in animals. Tsukishima supposed that the boy thought that if his best friend liked dead animals, he would like them alive. Every day, Tsukishima would be told a new fact about an animal at a time when they were all by themselves, which was always present at least once a day.

     "No, that sounds horrible."

     "If they don't, they'll die; their beaks would grow and curl to the point that it stabs their own neck. The claws, too. Why do you think they do that? They could just die naturally, with... less pain, I guess."

     Tsukishima paused. Yamaguchi had usually presented less depressing facts. He had thought for as much as he could to give a proper response, for the question asked intrigued him very much.

    "Maybe it's like... trying to negotiate with death. For it to spare itself. A longer lifespan traded for a ton of pain." He paused to think some more. "It's not very different from humans if you see it like that, then. We all negotiate with death at some point in our lives."

     Yamaguchi's eyes had lit up. "Wow, you're so philosophical, Kei-kun! I've never seen it like that, really. I only understood it as them just taking the harder way to die."

     "But they get to live longer. That's lengthening your life, not dying harder."

     "They're constantly dying, with more choices they have to make. Seems harder to me." Yamaguchi had looked around. "Is it lunchtime?"

     In hindsight, that was a conversation that two 5th graders should definitely not have had on a summer afternoon. It disturbed Tsukishima that he had thought it up in this situation. Yamaguchi snored dryly and quietly next to him. Tsukishima figured that his lover needed a nap nowadays because of all the things he was going through. 

     It was a warm noon, and the nurses had dropped by to give them lunch, not meant for Tsukishima, but the tall blond was the one who ate most of it. He was quite sure that even if the green-haired boy was awake, he wouldn't have eaten it. Besides, it was Tsukishima's first meal in a day or so. He was quite hungry. The hospital food was about as bland as the facility itself, but he had to eat something.

     Tsukishima thought about whether or not they were eagles. He wondered if eagles killed themselves in the renewing process. Everybody's an eagle at some point, he thought. We can't avoid it.

     But he couldn't help but hold out a hand towards Yamaguchi to touch him. The unevenly rising chest and the quiet but urgent beeping of the heart monitor assured Tsukishima that the boy was alive. His weaker arm stayed limp at his side, but his left arm stretched towards Yamaguchi until—

     Wings on the boy's back lashed out at him, white and bright and blinding, gigantic, a light surrounding the boy's body until he was a boy no longer, and it slowly rose up until it stopped mid-air, standing tall, so much taller than the previous owner's body had ever been; and it slowly turned around to look at the inferior object behind it—

     Tsukishima awoke with a yelp. He propelled himself forward so quickly because of his shock that he almost fell off of the chair he had sat on. 

     I gave in to the afternoon doze, didn't I? Tsukishima told himself, trying to rationalize the fact that he was so overwhelmed by the dream. The sun was setting outside, and a book was in his lap; well, was in his lap. The book had fallen over as Tsukishima nearly had. 

     He couldn't place a finger on when exactly the dream had started. He knew it started during the recall to the eagle conversation, just not when specifically. And so he kept trying to remember it, but it constantly fell through the cracks in his brain like water in his hands. It slowly completely faded from his memory. And then he thought to look in Yamaguchi's direction.

     Slowly, he found... Yamaguchi. Not that eldritch angel from his nightmare of a dream. He let out a sigh of relief.

     Tsukishima stood up at once and leaned over to the still-napping boy. Still breathing. Though reluctantly, he reached out a hand and touched Yamaguchi's shoulder. Cold, even through the fabric, even through the summer afternoon heat. There wasn't anything much Tsukishima could do. He sat down on the edge of the bed, facing away from the window and from Yamaguchi and twisted around to look—well, stare—at the side of Yamaguchi's face that was visible. 

     After what felt like an eternity, a weak, clogged but awake voice said: "I can feel your eyes, on me, Kei." And Yamaguchi turned around to lie on his back, his face now fully visible and quiet. The brown eyes met those of amber. They had a conversation unbeknownst to their owners. Tsukishima licked his lips and frowned in an I-didn't-want-you-awake-but-I'll-deal-with-it-anyway kind of frown. It brought a smile even weaker than the voice to Yamaguchi's lips.

     "I had a dream about you." Tsukishima figured that there would be no use lying, as Yamaguchi would figure it out anyway.

     "If you dream of somebody, then you'll marry them," Yamaguchi said with a sly, childish grin. The taller blond snorted compassionately, somehow.

     "Shut up, Yamaguchi," ("Sorry Kei,") "you were this scary angel with eagle wings anyway. And now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if that was even you." He inched his left hand towards the other boy. He refrained from adding on the first part.

     Yamaguchi closed his eyes and smiled. Even with his vision denied, he found Tsukishima's hand and held it tight. "I've something to tell you," he whispered, his voice now a bit clearer. 

     "What?"

     "I'm going to have surgery tomorrow. The doctors decided that now would be the best time." He squeezed the now-tense hand a little bit. 

     Tsukishima tried, he really did try to think of the positive outcomes to the surgery, but the first thing he could think of was, What if it goes wrong?

     He didn't want to cry again.

     Tsukishima said nothing in the way that told Yamaguchi that he didn't feel good. A bit of silence with the freckled boy's uneasy breathing passed before he erupted in fits of petalled coughs, followed by retching. Tsukishima grabbed a bucket from the other side of the ward's bed (he noticed only now that the nurses had put it there) and practically shoved it towards the other. It was filled a couple of seconds later. And while he didn't want to, Tsukishima observed that the blood and petals to anything else ratio had become unequal. A "Thanks, Kei" was muttered as the blond boy took the bucket to the restroom to empty it.

      He replayed the scene of his lover throwing up, more than he was aware of. It kept giving him the idea that the surgery wasn't going to do any good to Yamaguchi. 

     The blood and yellow petals in the bucket painted the insides of the sink. It would have smelled horribly, nose-achingly sweet to a normal person. But Tsukishima felt nothing. In fact, he had become familiar with it, like an old friend. Or maybe himself.

     He came back to Yamaguchi looking at him, mouth slightly parted. His eyes were barely open, his skin as pale as yesterday. Petals were scattered around the sheets. When Tsukishima was seated, Yamaguchi rasped, "I love you."

     Tsukishima couldn't bring himself to say it back, it would be too much of a burden for his lover to bear. Instead, he lifted himself a bit and pecked Yamaguchi on the lips, earning both of them a smile. 

     "I'm going to sleep now," Yamaguchi breathed as the sun sat over the mountains, casting a radiant red glow on both of them. "Tomorrow's a long day, and I haven't had sleep for the last couple of days."

     Suddenly, he glared with all the intensity he could muster towards Tsukishima, startling the other. 

     "I'm going to be fine tomorrow! Keep your hopes up." 

     Both of them couldn't laugh as the heart monitor beeped loudly in the background.