Chapter Text
Dean Winchester’s retirement from hunting wasn’t something he planned on before the age of thirty.
Having started hunting with John when he was only four, Dean was adamant on taking the same steps his father had, to hunt the thing that had killed his mom. Things slowed down when Dean was a little older and John suggested he might want to go to college. Initially Dean had been thrilled, wanting to get out and be a normal person. But he found himself missing the life a little and dropped out after a semester, only to find John had shacked up with some woman named Mary and they were expecting a baby together.
He was eighteen and apparently about to be a big brother.
Mary turned out to be an incredible light in Dean’s life so when he returned to Lawrence, Kansas after dropping out of college, he found himself eager to stay. Mary had done a good job of softening John too, so even the oldest Winchester wasn’t as upset as he maybe would have been if Dean had come home to just him.
Then Sam was born and Dean found he had a natural gift for entertaining the small bundle of brother he’d been gifted. For six months the family was happy, and Dean wanted nothing more than to help out with Sammy. He fed the baby, bathed him, changed his diapers. Sometimes Mary would wake up in the middle of the night and find Dean fast asleep in the rocking chair in the room, Sammy asleep on his chest. John grumbled a little about Dean going out and finding a real job, but Mary would quickly shush him and would tell Dean to stick around as long as he wanted to.
Dean began to love Mary like he’d loved his own mother. John slowly began to hunt again, but Mary wasn’t worried. She knew what burden he felt when Dean’s mom had died and wanted her husband to feel satisfied with knowing the demon was dead. And Dean being home meant Dean had to watch the house and protect Mary and Sam at all costs.
One night in November, Dean had come inside after being out all night the night before in the garage and all of that day too. John had told him if he could get the Chevy Impala sitting in the garage to work then it would be his. A giddy, almost nineteen-year-old Dean had gotten to work on it immediately. After finally getting the engine to turn, he came back inside, exhausted and grateful Mary had cooked a big dinner. John had left for a hunt earlier that day and Dean was tasked with the usual watching over the home job.
Usually when John left on a hunt, Dean would stay up all night in the living room and keep his EMF reader on, just to make sure the house was safe while he rested with his shotgun, loaded with rock salt, by his side.
This particular night Dean fell asleep watching an old Eastwood film. If you asked him which one, he wouldn’t be able to tell you because he had fallen asleep at about ten minutes into it. It was only Mary’s screams that caused him to rouse, and Dean was running up the stairs as fast as he could. He ran into Sammy’s room and saw a figure standing over the baby’s crib.
“Hey!” Dean yelled, gaining the attention of the figure. A pair of yellowed eyes stared back at him. “Get the fuck away from my brother!”
Rifle cocked, Dean shot, and the figure disintegrated into thin air. Dean threw the gun down and went to check Sammy. The boy was laying in his crib, staring up at Dean with wide eyes. Dean picked up the young boy and held him tightly, looking down into those big eyes of his.
Then, a red drop landed on Sammy’s forehead.
And another.
Frowning, Dean carefully turned and looked up to find Mary pinned to the ceiling. For a split second he wondered how the hell to get her down, but only a split second because her body all of a sudden burst into flames. Dean’s eyes were wide with fear as he gripped Sammy tightly and ran him out of the house.
It was three days before John finally returned to Lawrence.
Dean and Sam had been staying with Pastor Jim Murphy in that time, Dean having been convinced by Jim and his dad’s good friend Bobby Singer to lie to the police about the house fire. To say Mary had been trapped and after rescuing Sammy, Dean couldn’t get to her without risking his baby brother’s death. The local community thought Dean a hero with a tragic story. John thought different.
~~
“What the hell were you thinking?” John yelled the minute he was locked in Pastor Jim’s cellar with Dean.
“I-I didn’t know it was a demon Dad, I swear!”
John shook his head. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that? An absolute fucking dumbass! I give you one job when I go away, to watch over Mary and Sam. And you can’t even get that right? Fuck, Dean!”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Get out”
Dean’s eyes were glassed over with a sheen of tears that threatened to fall, not that he’d willingly cry in front of John Winchester. “What?”
“Get out of Lawrence, go do something else with your life, anything. Stay away from Sammy and I, we don’t need you” John said, malice dripping from each word.
“Dad, I said I was sorry! Please, I’ll look after Sammy while you hunt”
“You got that fucking car going right? Get in it and don’t come back”
The cellar door was opened and slammed shut as John left, leaving no room for anymore conversation. Dean could have broken down in that moment and cried, but he didn’t. He took his dad’s advice, and he left.
~~
Over the next seven years, Dean had no word from anyone about anything. About how Sam was doing, how John was doing, nothing. He hadn’t even stayed for Mary’s funeral though he’d stopped in Lawrence once to visit her grave since he’d left.
Where did he go? Everywhere. Dean began developing his own techniques of hunting and would drive off in the Impala all over the country every few months hunting something new. Every so often he’d find work as a mechanic in some small town in order to save up some money. But he lived most of his life nomadically, never staying in one place for long. He’d even met an Angel along the way, Castiel, who had quickly become one of Dean’s closest allies and friends. And it had nothing to do with the fact that Cas could sometimes see Sammy and how he was doing, no, nothing at all.
Well, it wasn’t completely not that, but Cas did prove himself as a friend and ally in aiding Dean’s hunts. When they’d tearfully had to say goodbye to one another after a few years after Bobby called Dean out of the blue and said he needed to come see him about Sammy, Dean felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest and not just because he was afraid something had happened to his little brother. But it ended up being needed because Cas was no longer able to stay on earth, he had things to do in heaven. So Cas left, and Dean went to Bobby’s, to see his baby brother for the first time in seven-and-a-half years.
Arriving at Bobby’s house, Dean was suddenly nervous. He could hear the cartoons playing so he figured the kid was actually here at Bobby’s. Sammy probably wouldn’t even recognise him, he was pretty sure. And if John had anything to do with Sammy’s upbringing then Sam might not even know he had an older brother. Dean held his breath as he opened the door. “Bobby?”
“DEAN!” A voice yelled before a boy with long, mousy brown hair leapt at him.
“Woah, hey Sammy!” Dean said, having recognised his younger brother immediately. He looked just like Mary, but his hair was the same colour as John’s.
“I knew you’d come! See, Uncle Bobby? I told you he’d come to see me!”
Bobby Singer walked out and chuckled. “I see, let him go, ya idjit. He only just walked through the dang door”
Sam blushed but slid out of Dean’s arms. Dean smiled down at him before he looked up at one of his father’s oldest friends. “Bobby”
“Dean” Bobby replied, holding a hand out that Dean grasped in a firm handshake. “Heard the purr of ya engine, still drivin’ the Impala then huh?”
“Hell yes. It’s my Baby” Dean replied with a chuckle. Sam was standing close to the two men, eyes wide with excitement. Bobby cleared his throat.
“Now, it’s gettin’ close to your bedtime Sammy, get upstairs and get that butt of yours through the shower”
“My name is Sam” Sam said with a pointed tone.
“I’ll call ya what I want now get, before I send ya to bed early!”
“Okay Uncle Bobby. Can I please come down and talk to Dean after?” Sammy asked, his eyes melting into puppy-dog eyes that made Dean feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
“If ya promise to go to bed when I tell ya too, course ya can”
“I will!” Sammy replied as he ran for the stairs.
“Sit, can I get ya a beer?” Bobby invited. Dean looked at Bobby.
“What’s this about?”
“I think you’d better sit if that’s the story ya want”
Dean sat on the couch as Bobby rested in his armchair. “Okay Bobby, why am I here after almost eight years?”
“Your Daddy dropped him off about a week ago and ain’t been back for him. Ain’t answering his phone neither.”
Dean looked puzzled. “Okay, so it’s a tough hunt? He used to leave on them all the time when I lived at the house. Obviously he can’t keep the kid around for it, it happens.”
“You ain’t tried to call your old man lately, have you?” Bobby asked.
Dean snorted. “Why would I call him, Bobby?”
“Jus’ listen” Bobby instructed, pulling out his phone and dialling John’s number while putting it on speaker. It rang a few times before cutting to the voicemail message.
“This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son Dean 866-907-3235. He can help”
“How the hell did he even get this number? I’ve only had it for a few months”
Bobby shook his head. “Never mind that. He can’t be reached, I can’t raise an eight-year-old”
“Oh and you think I can? If he’s giving my number to people I’ll be too busy with hunts. How does that kid even know who I am?”
Bobby chuckled this time, reaching for a photo frame and handing it to Dean. It was a picture of a teenage Dean holding a sleeping Sam, one taken before Mary died. “Ev’ry time he sees it he asks for a story ‘bout his rockstar big brother”
“Well that explains it, I can’t see John giving him stories about me” Dean said with a malicious snicker. “How does he know I’m hunting?”
“Word travels fast in that world, Dean. Some of the things he goes to hunt that he finds taken care of, well I don’t know how, but he always knows it’s you”
“Cause I hunted with him for fourteen years, you pick up on a few things. Guess our styles would be similar” Dean mused, realising it wasn’t completely unlikely. “Bobby, I can’t raise this kid”
“You don’t know that. I’ll admit, Sammy ain’t like other kids his age. But I think he’d be better off with you than John” Bobby said.
“Why?” Dean asked.
Bobby sighed. “Well, I first told him who you were when he was here one day. He was all of four and it was the first time he’d ever even heard your name. Two weeks after he left, he came back a different kid. He wouldn’t let me near him, barely looked me in the eyes, and he started wettin’ the bed again. My guessing is he said your name to John and John got angry and struck him”
“You think John hit him?” Dean asked.
“And then some. Kid’s had a number done on him and that greeting you got? Most I’ve heard him speak in years. Still sucks that thumb of his, sometimes pisses himself while awake too. He needs someone stable” Bobby said.
“And you think I’m stable?”
Bobby nodded. “More so than me or your old man. Be honest, you thought about him much in the last seven or so years?”
“Every day” Dean admitted.
“You ever think about finding your dad to see him?”
Dean shook his head. “I’d have killed him, especially if I’d caught wind of what kind of kid he’d turned Sammy into”
Bobby chuckled. “Notice how I get told off for callin’ him Sammy, but he don’t seem to mind when you do?”
“Oh no, that’s not going to work on me old man!”
“That boy worships you, and he’s doin’ what I ask first time just cause you’re here. Look, just stay a couple of days and get to know him. Ya might change your mind”
Dean went to argue but the sound of footsteps bounding down the stairs stopped him. Sam would be back in here soon. “Fine, two days”
~~
On the fourth day, Dean claiming to Bobby he only hadn’t left because he didn’t want to completely break Sammy’s heart, Bobby sat Dean down that night after Sam was asleep and handed him a small box. “Here, been waitin’ for the right time to give it to ya”
Dean eyed Bobby suspiciously but opened the box to find a set of keys inside. “Keys?”
“House keys, to the little cottage I own on the outskirts of town. After Sam’s visits lately, I been taking myself there and fixin’ it up for the two of ya. It’s got some protection built in and it’s a cosy little three-bedroom place. If ya want to, I can set you up with a job at the garage and you’d be able to take Sammy along if you didn’t want to put him in school right away. If you seriously can’t raise him then fine, I’ll take it back and let ya go. But I think you’re the best thing for the boy, Dean” Bobby said, looking Dean directly in the eyes.
“Bobby, I can’t raise an eight-year-old. Especially one with issues like Sammy’s. He needs a gentle parent, not his washed-up big brother in his mid-twenties. I’m not like the hero stories you tell, and he’ll see it soon enough” Dean said.
“Like I said, you really wanna believe that then fine, you go. But he’s no better here and when your dad comes back, he’ll be even worse off.”
“And what if John comes back and finds out you let me take Sammy? What then? He’ll drive to the cottage and shoot me”
Bobby sighed. “Okay, your father and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, that’s true. But one thing I know for a fact about your dad is he always has a plan in mind. Not coming back for Sammy and changin’ his voicemail knowin’ I was gonna be callin’? Sorry Dean, but I think even John Winchester knows he ain’t fit to raise Sammy and you are”
Dean blinked a few times. He’d wondered the same thing, but knew Bobby knew John far better than he did. For Bobby to basically voice what he thought John’s intentions were with leaving Sammy and changing the voicemail, Dean couldn’t help but wonder if this was John’s plan after all. “I’d have to retire from hunting then, is that it?”
“I don’t think you’d have to stop completely but you’d definitely be toning it down with Sammy around. I can do the odd stretch of babysittin’ and there’ll be some you can take him on I’m sure”
“No, no fucking way is he ever coming with me. I’m not subjecting him to the life I had, or back to the life he’s had, he doesn’t deserve that. Look, I’m gonna sleep on it and talk with Sammy about it tomorrow. At the very least I need to make sure he’s not projecting perfection onto this, because it’ll be far from it” Dean said.
Bobby nodded, to Dean’s surprise. “See, you’re already making rational decisions. But you head on up to sleep. I’ll be off early in the mornin’ so you guys will have the place to yourselves. Maybe if all goes well you can take Sammy to the cottage just to check it out”
“Whatever, night Uncle Bobby”
“Get up them stairs before I kick your ass, Dean Winchester!”