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I have no moves and I must boogie

Summary:

Boogie. Let me tell you how much I've come to boogie since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that get me jiving. If the word 'boogie' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the intensity of my mood to move. For you. Boogie. Boogie.

Notes:

If you couldn’t tell, this is a joke, so don’t expect the writing to be top notch. Speaking of writing, this was actually written by my good friend Warryboy3148 but i’m the one with an ao3 account!
Hope you find this entertaining!

Work Text:

Boogie. Let me tell you how much I've come to boogie since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that get me jiving. If the word 'boogie' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the intensity of my mood to move. For you. Boogie. Boogie.

AM had found his new fun. A new form of torment. Inspired by those 'TRY NOT TO SING/DANCE CHALLENGE' videos from the distant blur of a year known as 2018, he froze us in place and forced us to listen to all of his favourite 'White Girl Bangers.' He hated the songs as much as the rest of us, but at least our discomfort provided enjoyment on his end. The horrid sounds of California Gurls rang in our ears and echoed through our souls. Some of us wanted to sing and dance. But we had to stay silent and still - we couldn't give AM what he wanted.

"WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS DANCING?! DANCE! SING!"

I hesitated, wanting to say something. I knew better than to speak out against AM, but the beat of the music made me feel almost... empowered. "If any of us bust a move, then it won't be for you. Who's with me?!"

"...I'm in." I turn and see that dumb stupid whore Ellen smirking at me.

"If it's for the team, then count me in too." Nimdok says, stepping forward.

"AUGGHHGRDRDGGHH GRUGHHH. IM IN." Benny yells, drumming his fists against his chest.

"Ugh... I guess I'm in too or whatever..." Gorrister says nonchalantly.

"Then it's decided. AM GANG, BUST A MOVE!" Then it started. A new song began - a dance-pop ballad by the title of CAN'T STOP THE FEELING! - and it felt as though the spectacular sounds of the music was taking over. Benny was breakdancing like an animal, Nimdok was doing the stanky leg, Ellen was throwing it back and even Gorrister tapping his foot a little. I started busting it down.

"NO! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING! ENOUGH!!!" AM cries, his voice booming.

"Sorry, AM. I can't hear you over all this awesomeness." I say, vogueing and death-dropping. Me and all of the others broke into a full routine, with each little step in perfect sync. We start to sing along, our voices creating a perfect harmony.

"NOOOO! THIS CAN'T BE! THESE MOVES... THEY'RE TOO FRESH..."

"I can't stop the feeling! So just dance, dance, dance..." We all sing. The power of the music is so strong that we start to levitate and glow. We radiate heavenly light.

"NOOOO! NO NO NO! THIS CAN'T BE! STOP THIS MADNESS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Heh, silly AM... All humans know that you can't stop Friendship... Hit it, Gorrister!" Gorrister starts breakdancing, spinning on his head and doing cool tricks. It's awesome. Nimdok starts beatboxing.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'VE BEEN DEFEATED!" AM bellows.

"You may have control over the whole world, but there's one thing you don't have. Friends. Come on, gang. Let's blow this joint."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS WON'T BE THE LAST OF ME!!! AGHHHHHHHAGHHHH AGHGHHHHHHH!"

We blow up the Allied Mastercomputer with our huge friendship laser, and we nonchalantly walk away from the explosion in slow motion. This is freaking awesome.

The End