Chapter Text
Homura woke up, like she did time and time again. But this time she didn’t get up, instead she just laid there, devoid of all the strength she had been trying to build up. Every bone in her body was shaking, with exhaustion, but she didn’t care, she just needed to save Madoka. At this point she had nothing else to do, her entire existence meant nothing, all that was left was the purpose to save Madoka. Everytime she failed she killed her again, she couldn’t take it anymore, she was going to keep trying - she needed to keep trying, it was physically the only thing she could do. She had forgotten everything else, she’d forgotten her life before Madoka, it didn’t exist anymore. Love turned to obsession. With each new loop Madoka consumed her more and more until she was just a shell of her former self, but Homura ,in spite of herself, became more and more distant to Madoka, it didn't matter to her though. She didn't matter to herself. At the end of the day that was her demise, she was corrupted by love that was ultimately selfish going against what Madoka wanted. Love that is never able to be directed inwards only turns to poison.
She picked herself up and brushed her long, black hair; with every bit of soul drained from behind her purple eyes she looked at the gem in the small ring on her hand. She grabbed some food and started walking to school, the life sucked out of every monotonous step that she had taken time and time again.
“I need to introduce a new transfer student to you all today! Come on in, Miss Akemi!”
Homura walked in, her long hair, once carefully styled into braids each morning, flew behind her lifelessly and her eyes, once shielded behind glasses, glowed purple with perfect vision. It was like every aspect of her personality, what made her human, was stripped from her, leaving behind a bare vessel.
Murmurs from the class filled the air but her mind filtered it out.
*It's hard to phrase it because they're both girls so if I just use she and her it gets confusing who I'm talking about and like Homura just really loves herself* *girls can't love girls girls can't love girls girls can't love girls *
She looked at the students and she immediately locked eyes with Madoka, forcing her entire body out of autopilot. Madoka looked back at her, maybe this was just Homura but the way Madoka looked at her felt like Madoka had seen her before. Like she was there with her for every timeline. Like she understood Homura just as much as Homura understood her. She knew that wasn't true, but deep down it felt like it was and at this point the only feelings she harboured at all were towards Madoka. It didn't matter to her though, that Madoka could never love her, even if she wanted to at the end of the day Homura was barely herself anymore. Madoka could never love her, and that was ok, she was fine with that, she’d have to be. As long as Madoka was safe she didn't care. She loved Madoka, that was the one thing that seemed to never change. There was no one else who would save her, like how Madoka saved her, like how Madoka showed her care, light, and love. She wouldn’t let that light be taken away from her.
“Why don't you tell us about yourself?” The teacher asked.
“My name is Homura Akemi, pleased to meet you”
Homura effortlessly moved her hand across the board writing her name which had now become just a collection of letters. The name which meant a burning flame, signifying passion. The name that she was previously ashamed to carry, a reminder of her worthless self. That was until Madoka told her otherwise, and now again, selfishly, she had turned it into nothing.
Homura had taken her seat before she was immediately surrounded by classmates bombarding her with questions. Maybe it was the seeming confidence she exuded that gave her a mysterious aura, in reality she had just received all of these questions before, she knew exactly what to say and didn’t do it with emotion, making her sound aloof.
“Mrs Akemi, what school did you come from?”
“Did you participate in any club activities in your old school?”
“How about sports or cultural activities?”
“Your hair is so beautiful! What kind of shampoo did you use?”
She wanted everyone to stop asking her questions and getting in the way of Madoka.
“Sorry, today's been very stressful for me, I feel a bit sick. May I excuse myself to the nurse’s office?” Homura said.
“I can take you there!”
“Yeah I'll come as well.”
Homura got up from her seat. “No need, I'll have the nurse's aid take me.” This time, this time will be the time it works, all this strength she's been building up, she knew exactly what to do. She just had to warn her. She walked over to Madoka’s desk where Sayaka and Hitomi accompanied her.
“Miss Madoka Kaname. You are the nurse's aid for this class are you not?” Homura asked flatly
“Huh?Uhm well...” Madoka spoke shyly.
“May I ask you to accompany me? To the nurse's office that is”
They walked down the hall Madoka trailing nervously behind her.
“Miss-Akemi, uhm…”
“Call me Homura.”
“Oh! Homura”
“What is it”
“Oh nothing! It’s just that you have an unusual name…I was just thinking how it sounded cool!..uhm for a first name I mean!”
When was this girl going to listen to her? Time and time again she’s been trying to warn her and it falls short every time. Why can’t she get it through her head, does she value herself at all? No, she wasn’t going to fail; no matter what, she was going to save Madoka. That was the only thing true to her. A dark shadow latched to her face like a mask over her scowl.
Homura turned to face Madoka. “Madoka Kaname, do you treasure the life you currently live and do you consider your family and your friends precious?”
“W-well…I…yes I do...”
“If that’s really the case, then you wouldn’t try to change the person you currently are, would you? Because if you do, you will end up losing those things” Homura said with more aggression than anything she’s said today.
“...Huh” Madoka replied nervously
The walk after that was silent with Madoka following behind Homura even though it was supposed to be the other way around. They got to the nurse’s office and Madoka paused.
“Uhm…well here it is..I”
Without saying a word Homura just walked into the room and closed the door in front of Madoka who paused for a moment, confused by the whole interaction, the strange girl, something didn’t feel right. “Oh-” she was cut off. Afterwards she just walked back to her class still slightly weirded out. That girl really seemed to have hated her, did she do anything to her? Does she know her? Surely the dream couldn’t have anything to do with it..
Homura went through the next through periods facilely completing each task with grace and confidence. The complex equations that she could barely read she now mechanically wrote one after the other across the board. She smoothly sprung her body over the pole vault like her body had no weight, as if it wasn’t something that held her back, something she had full control over. Unlike before when she was frail and weak. But she wasn’t like that anymore, she wasn’t observing from the sides, watching as her loved ones (her only loved one) died. She wasn’t going to keep killing her, she was going to have Madoka even if that ended up destroying herself, even if that went against Madoka’s wishes.
At the end of the day everyone was leaving school. Homura took a deep breath in, her long hair being in front of her neck felt suffocating when it wasn’t in her usual braids and she flipped it behind her. She took a deep breath in and looked at her soul gem ring, recentering herself. She needs to keep her away from him. Kyubey. At the end of the day this was her doing. She’s the one who tied all these timelines around Madoka whilst stumbling around trying to save her. But it’s the only thing she can do, even if it’s due to her own selfish desire. And if she gets it wrong she will make Madoka more powerful, sealing her fate tighter.
Homura left the building knowing exactly where to go. She ran to the music store where she knew Kyubey was going to try to contact Madoka and Sayaka. She needed to stop this. She saw Madoka and Sayaka, she wouldn’t be able to get to Kyubey in time but maybe there was a way to stop Madoka from going to him.