Chapter Text
It was quiet in the car, during the road back home. After all, they were returning from a funeral, their daughter’s, funeral. It could be said, she was the only bond between these two men and now, she was buried under a tombstone.
“Should we get some takeout on the roadside?” the man driving asked, though he was the real father of the deceased he was more stoic compared to the other.
“I don’t feel like eating Alex; I lost my appetite.” his husband replied, “If you’re hungry, take care of yourself.”. He didn’t even turn his head from the car window he had been staring at.
It would not take much effort to say they were not the most loving couple. Yet Alex was surprised; It was the first time he had seen his husband show much emotion and not to call him by his full name, Alexandre. They stopped at a gas station not long after. Alexandre left the car while his husband remained in it.
Although his face was hiding the most of his sorrow, it was apparent that he was devastated. An agonizing loneliness was on his shoulders again. When his husband returned, he glimpsed at him shortly. He saw he was carrying two bags instead of one.
“I bought you one too…” Alexandre said after he got in the car, while buckling his seat belt.
“I told you not to… would it be the end of the world if you listened to me once?” he lashed out suddenly, yet his voice was calm, as if someone dying were scolding someone. Grief, it was an emotion with two heads: one being sorrow and the other being anger.
“You haven’t eaten anything in the morning either, your blood sugar is going to drop.” he was handing out the sandwich he bought.
“I don’t want to eat.” he replied, but his husband was stubborn; he was still holding it in front of him. “I said, I don’t want to fucking eat!”, he shouted as he grabbed it and threw it to the backseat.
Although Alexandre was calm and patient by nature, he was also at his limit today. It didn’t take much for him to say something that he would regret in an instant. “The fuck is wrong with you? I bought you that just because i cared for you and what? You are acting as if she was your daughter! Could you at least, at least for today not act as if i stabbed you deep in your chest? It is my turn to be sad today!”
At the other end, there lied a poked bull. “How could you… how could you fucking say that to me? She was… she was the only part of you that I ever loved. She was my daughter too! Maybe this is why I act as if you stabbed me in the chest all the time huh? Because you are such a jerk who would say such a thing. I was there for her when she had fever, I was the one who was with her when she had her first period. Now that she’s gone, I do not qualify as her father?”
Alexandre always saw his husband as winter. Though it was cold and inhospitable, it had plenty of charms to it. Once you got used to the cold, there was snow to adore. In that moment, he wanted to say, “Maybe I am such a jerk because she was the only part of me that you loved.” But he decided not to. It would serve to anything but to deepen the bleeding wound between them.
“I am sorry…” he said, “I shouldn’t have said that I don’t know what came over me.” Even though winter didn’t like him, that didn’t mean he was still enamored by it.
His husband laughed hysterically, unable to control himself in the absurdity of the current situation. “Why don’t you just cut the act Alexandre? She’s gone, you hear me? You don’t have to act as if you love me now.”
“I do not act.” Alexandre replied in a sorrowful manner. “I do really love you.”
“Are you trying to change my mood from sad to hysterical? I know that you only like fucking me.” His tone was plagued with irony.
“I love you as a whole.” He replied. “Not just your body.” He started the engine. Some alone time in the home would do both justice, as he thought.
“It was funny first time, comedy loses its valor the second time you know? Once he started, there was no end to his cynical comments, filled with hatred to the brim. “Do you even know what is my favorite color, my favorite food... the time of the year I love? I bet you don’t.” he said.
“Red, stuffed grape leaves, the short passage between March and April, when it is still cool but sunny outside. Anything else? You love lilies and forget me nots if you’re going to ask your favorite flower.” Alexandre smiled warmly, yet sorrowfully. His husband on the other hand, had no further arguments and was stunned.
After a short period of time, he fell asleep. The last couple of days really tired him. “And you tend to sleep when you are sad...” Alexandre said.
Between his hometown where they held the funeral and Caen there was 3 hours distance. After his husband fell asleep, Alexandre drove for 2 hours in complete silence. Not that it would be any different if he was awake anyways.
When they arrived, he carried his still sleeping husband in his arms. He couldn’t help but to do, he was most peaceful while sleeping. Like a winter day covered in snow.
He put him to their bed, he would probably be angry at him for not waking him up because he hated to sleep in clothes, he wore outside but he didn’t care. He curled next to him and fell asleep.