Chapter Text
“Vi thinks you can change”
She knew she would see blue eyes and blue hair if she looked into the mirror that stood above her. But the words. The noises. The sound cut through her thoughts. It seemed to reroute them away from the cracks on the stone that called her and towards one little word.
Take a seat
But I'd rather you not be here for
What could be my final form
Change. Change? Jinx wanted to scoff at the very notion but she couldn’t seem to find the energy to do so. Why didn’t they understand, she had already changed. She had changed for Vi’s betterment so many times. After Vander’s death she had changed, after all Powder was nothing but a jinx. Powder had required change had she not? So she had let herself be molded by the hurt and pain. Let it wash over her and burn her still it didn’t scold quite so much. It still scarred though. Instead she found comfort and purpose in the jinx. Accepted the scars. Let them exist. Only to be told that this version was yet another failure. Only for Silco to leave her behind. Had she failed again? Is that why he had left her? Was it? Had she jinxed it yet again? Maybe he could come back if she changed enough. What version would appease their demands. With what face could she be held? Be comforted.
Pull the blanket tight now
I can feel the light shine on my face
She really couldn't but she tried. Instead all she felt was the layer of dirt that clung on long after any presence had left. She had changed again for Isha. Hoped that this was a chance, a hope, a ray of sunshine unlike the shimmer in the air. Instead she had only dragged the ray into her orbit. Suffocated any light that it held, wrapping her in scarred and burned arms. The clouds never really cooled the pain did they? She wanted to laugh. Eventually Isha had been burned too. Burned to ashes that floated away on the wind. Ashes that scattered oh so prettily. Maybe. Maybe if she held her outs out she could touch them before they flew. Flew away like the bullet that took her life. She liked bullets. The sound almost blocked out the screams. No isha was another failure. Another person she couldn’t save. Couldn't help. Even when the person came to her. Gave her their innocence. Let her paint their world blue. Let her smile. She still couldn’t protect them. Powder and Isha, young and dead.
Please don't let them see me
Sure there's nothing left to try
It was almost comforting to know that no matter what the jinx remained. It would all fail anyway. And what was the purpose in staying, in trying oh so hard to change if it only hurt those you changed for. Ironic. She didn’t want a trial. She didn’t want them to feel pain anymore.
My body's on the line now
I can't fight this time now
“Do what you came here to do.”
Blue enforcer didn’t. The whispers in her head increased. They didn’t spare her. After all, did she deserve the silence she so desperately craved? They seemed to think not and so she fell, letting them take her. They never seemed to take her far enough.
Did I disappoint you?
Will they still let me over?
If I crossed the line now?
It’s ok, she told Powder. Vi had the Blue enforcer. She wouldn't miss her.
It’s ok, she told Isha. She could come home.
If I cross the line.