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It started with a silly argument. Mix can’t even remember now what exactly they were fighting about, but he remembers the overarching issue because he and Earth had been butting heads over it for months now.
Earth had said something like, “Don’t forget, okay?”
And Mix had answered with an exasperated, “Okay.”
But of course, typical Earth, he didn’t leave it at that. He had continued to push, “You always say ‘okay’ and then you always forget, Mix. So don’t use that tone with me.”
“Oh my GOD, just go! I’m a grown-ass man, I can exist without you.” He had snapped, his patience frayed thanks to the sleep deprivation and stress that came with trying to foster a successful acting career while finishing his never-ending veterinary degree. “I’ve done it before.”
He couldn’t forget the look on Earth’s face at that moment, stricken and hurt . Mix had regretted his words immediately, but he was stubborn and pissed. He wasn’t about to apologize right away.
“Oh, I see how it is.” Earth said quietly, “Am I troubling you by worrying about you? By taking care of you? By trying to make sure you’re eating, and sleeping, and getting through work properly? You know, it’s not a walk in the park for me – I’m your partner! I didn’t sign up to be your babysitter!”
At this point, the staff in the room had stopped what they were doing, watching them both with wide eyes.
Embarrassed and furious, Mix had lashed out, “Oh, I’m SORRY! If it’s such a chore, then why don’t you stop already? I can’t stand your nagging at me all the time! All I hear is ‘Mix do this’, ‘Mix don’t do that’. Don’t pretend like you take care of me for my sake, when you turn around and hold it over my head whenever we fight!”
Earth narrowed his eyes at him, “You’re such an ungrateful brat. Fine!” He gathered up his things, “You’re on your own from now on.”
And he’d left.
That night, Earth had sent a text, a vague ‘We okay?’
To which Mix had passive aggressively responded, ‘Sure.’ But nothing had been the same since.
Earth seemed fine. He would talk like nothing was wrong in front of the rest of the Moonlight Chicken cast, but he no longer sought Mix out alone. When they were together, he was quiet, focused on his scripts or on his phone.
Mix had to admit he was no better. He probably should have apologized for snapping that night – he hadn’t meant what he said, or rather he hadn’t meant to say it so harshly. Yes, he was growing up, he was discovering what he liked and didn’t like, and he was growing more responsible.
Before they’d begun acting together, before they became partners in every sense of the word, Earth would often offer unsolicited advice as a senior and older brother, and Mix hated it. He hated the reminder that he was younger, that Earth viewed him as someone to take care of. That he was in some way a burden to the older man.
He’d tried to suppress that side of him in the days after shooting ‘A Tale of Thousand Stars’ because Earth’s advice had been invaluable then. It was a new industry, new people, a new way of life, and Earth had lived it for a few years already. So it made sense to shut up and listen and forget about that small, resentful voice in his head.
But that voice had been growing as he grew older and more experienced. And coming back to work with the original ATOTS crew had driven home just how much he hated being viewed as just a ‘nong’ – specifically by Earth.
He was twenty-four years old, had worked in the industry for a few years now, had stood tall as Earth’s partner in front of thousands, even millions (if you counted their online audience) of people. Everyone else could see how much he’d grown as both an actor and as a person – so why couldn’t Earth?
He asked Jan this question when they met for drinks, eyes filled with tears.
It had been a rough week on set. Everyone could tell now that something was off between him and Earth. He’d seen P’Aof pull Earth aside after their shoot yesterday and he just knew he’d be getting the same treatment when they were back on set next week.
“Sometimes the people closest to you have the hardest time accepting that you’ve changed.” Jan said, reaching out to squeeze one of his shoulders, “You know P’Earth loves you, Mix.”
“Really? Does he? Because I’m sitting here drowning my sorrows with you, and he’s painting! Like nothing happened.” Mix pouted, taking another long gulp of his cocktail.
“Have you talked to Neo recently?” Jan asked, brow raised.
Confused by the change of subject, Mix shook his head, “No. Why?”
“Well, he’s close to some of the other girls at GMM and he told them Earth has been in a bad mood for weeks now.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Mix grumbled, “He would have brought it up by now if he was angry. I think he’s just…stopped caring.” And just like that he was crying. He covered his face with his hands and not a sound escaped him, but there was no mistaking the tremble in his shoulders.
“Oh, Mix.”
Mix eventually stopped expecting it to get better. This was his new reality – a gloomy one.
He was on set in Pattaya for Moonlight Chicken more frequently, and his sleep schedule was shot to hell. He knew he’d relied a lot on Earth to help him balance work and school, but he’d never realized how much until he was suddenly trying to manage it all on his own.
Well, not entirely on his own. Earth and his manager were still conscious of his other commitments and tried to schedule any work around his schoolwork, but it wasn’t enough.
Work, something that had always been fun and almost a destressing activity, was now fraught with tension. P’Aof and the rest of the crew tried to make the atmosphere lighter, but at the end of the day, a majority of his scenes were with Earth and they were barely speaking to each other anymore beyond work. And as a result of work getting more stressful, studying got much harder.
Earth had always been the one with trouble sleeping, but now Mix was in the same boat, going almost 24 hours without sleep somedays to try and ensure his life stayed on track. He knew their fans had noticed something was wrong, but he had no energy to placate them honestly.
They were unsure if EarthMix were going to continue being partners? Well, so was he.
It all came to a head the day he and First were shooting Wen and Alan’s scenes together in the apartment. It wasn’t a huge apartment to begin with, but with the crew, cameras, and staff, it felt almost claustrophobic. Adding to that, the day was an emotional rollercoaster – going from light and happy, to screaming, to tears. And for the first time in his acting career, he was a pair with someone other than Earth.
He knew he’d done a good job. First and he had workshopped these scenes many times over. They knew what they were going to do, how they were going to kiss and touch each other, what expressions would be on the other’s face. And yet, Mix felt off.
There was an overwhelming sense of fear. That this might be the rest of his career. That Earth and he were truly going to be through after this drama ended and he’d be paired off with someone else – or perhaps more than one someone. It wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want anyone else as a partner. He wanted only Earth.
The final scene at the apartment was the worst. Alan and Wen’s breakup scene. Khaotung was on set now, tucked away in a corner watching the scene play out, and Earth’s absence felt like a gaping hole to Mix.
He walked out of the room the way he was meant to after the scene and let his knees give way so he landed on the bed with a thud. He broke down – there was no other way to describe it. He heard First try to comfort him, but all of Wen’s emotions were still mixed up with his own and his touch felt all wrong . One of the female staff members tried next, and Mix latched on, sobbing.
After some time he heard P’Aof’s voice quietly asking everyone to leave the room, and he felt the staffer he had a hold on step back and away, and P’Aof took her place. Mix shuddered, crumbling into the older man’s arms as they wrapped around him.
“You kids.” P’Aof chided, sounding terribly sad and fond all at once.
“Do you think this is it, phi?” He asked, voice thick with congestion.
P’Aof’s arms tightened around Mix for a moment, “How long have you and Earth known each other?”
“8 years.” The answer was immediate. After all, they’d been repeating it at interviews for months now.
“And in all that time, how many friends have you seen him lose?”
Mix considered that. Earth was still quite close to all his friends from university, and he had a massive, ever-growing group of friends at GMM. In all the time Mix had known him, the only people he’d seen enter and exit Earth’s life casually were romantic partners – not friends.
But then, what was he? Not quite a romantic partner, but definitely more than a friend. Which group did he fit in?
“P’Earth is good at keeping his friends, I’ll admit that.” Mix finally said, calmer now after giving it some thought, “But we’re more than friends, phi.”
“You’re more than boyfriends too though, right?”
Mix blushed. That was a word Earth and he used very carefully depending on who they were with – but of course, P’Aof was part of that select group.
When his question went unanswered, the director continued, “You only really lose someone when you stop wanting that relationship, Mix. Until then, as long as you’re trying to hold on to it, it’s always going to be there. Reciprocated or not. Do you not want Earth in your life?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Mix scoffed, “I want him to see me as my own person, and not someone he constantly needs to look out for. I want to be his safe space as much as he is mine. Of course I still want him in my life!”
“Well, I’ll tell you one thing – he’s nowhere near ready to let you go either. So it’s going to be okay. Sometimes all a relationship needs is a little time and distance to grow stronger.” P’Aof said, smiling for the first time that day.
“Mm.”
“Also, nhoo, if you want Earth to see you as someone he can depend on, and talking about it hasn’t worked, maybe showing him would? Actions speak louder than words sometimes.”
The thing was, he’d almost lost Earth once before, and it had been nothing like this.
It was back when Earth was getting out of university and Mix was completing his schooling. His trips to Bangkok grew less frequent, and his chats with Earth began to fizzle out without the reinforcement of seeing each other periodically.
Mix had been sad about it, of course. Earth had been a weird crossover between an older brother and a close friend – someone he respected, but could also play around and talk shit with. It wasn’t that he wasn’t popular with his seniors, because he was. Mix was friends with a lot of seniors from his school who were already in university now, but none of those relationships were quite like his relationship with Earth.
Maybe it was because of how they’d grown close, with Earth drunk and passed out, and Mix taking on the role of carer and watching over him that night. The dynamics had been skewed from the get-go.
So yes, losing touch with Earth back then had hurt. It had made his heart ache strangely, and he’d looked for distractions. His first relationship had been a by-product of that process of trying to cope with losing Earth, and it had backfired on him. He was left heartbroken by his then-boyfriend and still missing Earth.
This time though? It was so much worse. Losing Earth now was losing his rock, the one thing he counted on to stay steady as he made his way through life. Losing Earth now was losing his other babies – Edin, Brighton and Big Ben. Losing Earth now was losing bedtime cuddles, playful kisses, and lighthearted conversation. Losing Earth now was losing his best friend and his life partner all rolled into one.
Losing Earth now was like losing family – and just the thought of it was unbearable.
So Mix decided that it just couldn’t happen.
It had been five months since the fight that had started it all, and Mix was done. He’d taken P’Aof’s advice and given it time, and in a way it had worked.
Earth and he were back to traveling to and from work together. He’d stepped into the Bangna home a few times to see the cats and play with them when dropping Earth off.
And then there was the concert – FeelFanFun camping concert – which had to be the most ridiculous name ever, but he was so grateful for it. Because of the concert and their performances for it, Earth was in his space again, touching, teasing, looking . By God, he’d missed the looking. Jim looking at Wen just didn’t feel the same as Earth looking at Mix.
The best part was, it felt like coming home. Any worries he’d had about awkwardness because of how they were off-stage evaporated after their first few rehearsals. They were golden on stage, and if anything, the tension helped elevate their performance to another level. P’Green had been horrified and fascinated all at once.
Anyone watching from the outside in would think they were completely in character on-stage, embodying Phupha and Tian’s epic love story or Korn and Win’s heartwarming one, but there was a little EarthMix in there. Mix allowed it from his end, but he felt Earth answer his contribution with his own – and that was why they were so good together.
The concert was a resounding success, and knowing Earth and he had essentially led it in a way, being the most senior pair at the event, made him feel so proud. He knew Earth was proud too. As the curtain fell on their final performance, they exchanged exhilarated looks and Earth squeezed the hand he held, pulling Mix away from the rest to a little hidden alcove backstage. He crowded him into the wall and kissed him, and Mix let out a happy sigh, welcoming it. Something that had felt torn and ruined, began to mend.
Earth pulled away, hands framing Mix’s face as his eyes darted over the younger man’s face, “Was that okay?”
“Am I complaining?” Mix asked, brow raised.
Earth grinned widely, pressing another kiss to his lips, “We need to talk.”
Mix sobered a little, “We do.”
“Not now though.” Earth said, looking back over his shoulder to where the others were beginning to notice their disappearance.
“Later.”
“Later.” Earth agreed.
There was no later. Not for a while. They got pulled into celebrations after the concert, and then Mix had his Midterms sneak up on him.
They were texting again – checking in and keeping each other posted on their days – but they both agreed sleepovers were a bad idea until they’d talked, and so they stayed apart.
It wasn’t until almost mid-November, on the work trip to Khao Yai that they finally found the time, though the sequence of events that led up to it took them by surprise.
The day began with travel, then fan meet and greets, and a lot of promotional activities. As the first day came to a close, their manager, Somsom asked to speak with both of them.
Earth and Mix exchanged worried looks but quickly agreed, following the older woman into one of the empty conference rooms in the hotel.
“What’s wrong, mae?” Earth spoke first, reaching out to place a hand on the woman’s shoulder.
Only to have her burst into tears. Earth quickly backed away, instinctively crouching behind Mix’s shoulder.
“You can’t go on like this. I can’t take it – the cold shoulders and passing messages between you two. You guys are so much better than this! You love each other!” She said firmly, looking between the two of them, tears still running down her face.
“We do.” Both Earth and Mix agreed immediately, only to turn to each other and exchange small, almost shy smiles.
Somsom noticed this and sighed, “Can you two please just sit down and talk? Take the rest of the evening, I’ll even excuse you from dinner if you need me to. Just please – sort this out. You guys are great together and I don’t want you to lose that.”
“We don’t either.” Earth assured her, “Mix and I were going to talk after FeelFanFun, but we just haven’t had the time.”
“Well, you do now. So go to one of your rooms and talk. I don’t want to see you two again until you’ve made up.” She decreed bossily, pointing her finger at the two of them.
Mix laughed, “Roger that, captain.” He saluted.
Earth wrapped an arm around Mix’s shoulders, squeezing, “Shall we go?”
“Mm.” They both turned together and made their way out of the room, “I’m hungry. Let’s order some room service.”
“You’ll get crumbs everywhere, Mix.”
“I’m not a child, Earth.”
“Really?” Earth's teasing tone was evident even from a distance.
Their voices faded, and Somsom stared at the door they’d left open behind them for a moment, before looking heavenwards for patience.
Leave it to EarthMix to fight so dramatically that they worried basically everyone, and then quietly begin making up without anyone knowing. It was a good thing she loved them so much.