Work Text:
i swear i saw you in my dreams.
wait.. no, rather a nightmare.
it was raining.
you were on the edge of a building, and i was right there. i was so close and yet so far.
so, so far.
to stopping you. i wanted to; i really did.
you fell forward.
away from my grasp, away from everything and anything and all that could ever be in between—
i've been having this dream so many times and it always ends the same.
sprinting. grabbing. crying,
and the sound of my alarm after.
never did it go any different.
i couldn't do anything .
hundreds and thousands of chances with nothing ever achieved in the end.
so no, i can't say i tried because i really didn't.
i didn't save you.
i didn't stop you.
i didn't try (and even if i did, it would never be enough.
never enough , never enough , never.)
and for that, i'm sorry.
..though this time, something changed.
i fell with you.
i attempted to reach my hand to yours, a foolish thought that i could still try. that maybe if i did—it would still amount to being unable to save you each time.
i couldn't reach.
i never would.
you were so close, and yet at the same time, so far.
you hit the ground first.
so many chances, and yet so many wasted.
when i finally hit the ground too, i look to my side.
you.
death. an ugly, messy, eventual end of reality.
you were dead .
rain blurred my already faded, dizzying vision and trickles of water ran across the red on our faces.
i was almost surprised i didn't die on impact as well.
it was always you first and never me, wasn’t it?
..a selfish question, i know.
(a part of me almost wished to brush the bloodied hair away from your closed eyes, to see you one last time .
as though it would ever amount to anything.)
i guess it never mattered whether i tried to catch you or not each time.
you always fell in every one.
were you always meant to fall? was i always unable to save you?, i wanted to whisper, before i closed my eyes and woke up just to dream this very nightmare to no end all over again.
..were we always fated to be like this?
and yet, despite that.., despite it all, despite everything- ...
i tried reaching for your hand once more.
my alarm got to me first.