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February 14th.
It's February 14th.
The day I've been dreading but somehow, also have been waiting for. It all comes down to this; the letter in my hands either my successor or eventual downfall, giving me the title 'Clown of the Year.'
School atmosphere but something's changed. Sickly love's definitely in the air, yet it strays lingering away from the Student Council club. I didn't want to be nosy, but, boy—did I want to be nosy. I held my breath as if someone was going to catch me outside as the halls were crowded and filled with other people. Leaning towards the door, I get a small glimpse of everyone's backs. By everyone, that is, the members of the club. It was firmly shut and I was definitely in no place to walk in as they were having a meeting. I would have to wait...
A tap on my shoulder sent me recoiling back into a straighter posture. Fuck.
I definitely just got caught peering in.
To little no surprise, Tommy is the one doing so. Once it quickly processes in his mind that I'm not supposed to be doing something... he grins from ear to ear, freckles scattered across his cheeks.
"Y/N, are you going to do it today? Or... are you going to chicken out for the third time?" He snorts. "You know what they say—Third time's a charm."
Ouch. That totally stabbed me in the heart. "... You have a habit for just jabbing at my feelings..." I sigh, looking away in relief. At least it wasn't the Hall Monitor telling me to stop being an ass-
"Oh? Eh... well, you realize I've been your helper this all time. Staying an angel and all, not telling my older brother that you have the deepest feelings for him ever?" He leans against a locker, fidgeting with something in his pockets. Right after, it's only when I realize he has an unhealthy amount of chocolate shaped hearts, wrapped in red and waiting to be eaten. "Look how many I've gotten from girls."
"... Don't lie. You literally just stole that from, I don't know—someone else?" There's no use jabbing at the freshman, but I just wanted to bite back as a joke. I shook my head.
"You should give him one." Tommy suggests quietly. "Techno is not a fan of chocolate. Everyone knows that." I rolled my eyes as a way to decline. But, I ended up snatching the one in his hand and unwrapping it just to eat it in front of him. Out of spite, that is.
"No, well, only you know that. And me, I guess." He murmurs, smile growing a little wider. I wanted to ask, 'then why'd you suggest it?', but I held my tongue.
But, there's that one thought that constantly runs in my mind. If, I would be making some sort of mistake by ruining our friendship altogether by confessing or... I would be a stupid fool in love to think I could even dream of having someone like him. I always wondered if there was an invisible wall between us. I always felt like I was falling behind, trying to match up to his pace.
As much as I run, and run, and run... run until my legs give out or badly bruised, I might still keep on trying to chase after him.
"You know that one time you joined the newspaper club? To impress Tech?" Tommy brings up in my moment of melancholy. Well, it was only in my mind. But still, I immediately cringed once he brought that up. "Oh..." The only remnant of me smiling drops, and I brush it off with a small laugh that died down moments later. "Yeah? What... what about it?"
"After we returned back home, he was talking and whispering to himself, like he had a war with his own mind about your first ever publish. I was hanging out in the living room and he was just walking, back and forth. Over here, over there, I constantly kept seeing him with paper and a red pen in his hand." Tommy turns his head slowly, looking at me dead in the eyes.
"And, I've never seen him that stressed before. It was like he forgot to study for the most important thing. Ever." He laughed. I frowned slightly, not understanding in the slightest.
"What's your point? Like... out of all this?" I asked, completely lost.
"... My point is," He stops for a brief moment. "I don't think you actually realize how worked up he is over you."
"Just like how you are with him, he somehow managed to fuss over the smallest details in what you do." He adds.
I didn't really think about it that way.
After all, I always wanted to know if he was doing just fine, taking proper care of himself even after club meetings. But a part of what Tommy heavily stuck with me; it dawned on me. That very day without knowing Tommy's view, I took it the wrong way when he handed over the pamphlet, lots of words circled in red ink-looked like a scene with a huge portion of it being just... redacted. Criticism I never really asked for.
That's what got to me.
I got angry.
I hated him.
For the first time in my life, I was pissed at Techno. The only person I'd ever dedicated my heart to.
But perhaps, it was also my fault for being naive and thinking he could understand or even pick up on the fact that I did it just to impress him. Him only. For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to show him something he would've been proud of.
I think the worst part of it all was that it was the week just before Christmas. My mood was all sour, and I couldn't even bring it in myself to look him in the eyes in the halls without glaring. When he happened to pass by, he looked at me for a split second before going back talking with a friend, acting as if he didn't completely put me off the whole month.
"... Ah." I blurted out after I spaced out right beside Tommy again.
I was itching to just... run. Run to him, tell him that I'd loved him for so long, loved him ever since he spoke on the first day of school at the podium. It's still in my mind.
I stopped slumping and got back up to my feet.
Something was telling me to just go.
Upon realizing that the Student Council door was open, panic set in. We talked for so long, and I spaced out for God only knows how long, overcoming my fears. The blonde haired freshman taps on my shoulder again, wondering what's got me all hyped all of a sudden. I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face as I shook his hand frantically. "Thanks, Tommy," I rushed to thank him, running off and catching up to a Student Council member to ask them where Techno went. Maybe they saw the crazed look in my eyes, or whatever it was, I made a dash for it to the auditorium.
I'm sure you know. I'm sure you know of it.
Have you just been waiting for me this entire time?
I know you could make me look like a fool, but I don't care.
Have some courage, have some faith, Y/N.
I can't wait any longer. What if you like someone else?
The auditorium doors burst open. Was it me that opened them so loud? I could hardly believe I was even conscious at the moment. Whatever it was, a pair of familiar red eyes turned to me. Without a word, I walked down the carpeted stairs even though I was terribly out of breath. I had a few minutes before anyone could walk in and see just how much of an embarrassment I made myself.
The letter was in my hands too, and it was clear I had interrupted Techno in the middle of doing... I don't know. I could hardly pay attention to the Valentines decoration that somehow got to the auditorium, but that wasn't important right now. Each descend down the steps felt like they were as loud as my heartbeat. I took out the love letter from my hands and neared the stage.
"Y/N?" He questioned, obviously surprised about the fact I came running in a hurry.
But there really is no time.
Once on the same stage as him, I let it out:
"I like you!" With all of my heart, I couldn't bring to meet his eyes. I just know he would've been so disappointed. I could only offer the letter, holding it up to Techno while my whole upper body just... bent. As if I were a 90 degree angle. I bowed, somehow. As if I weren't already low enough, my head dipped and stared at the floor. I was shaking like crazy, I was sure that...
No, I was definitely confident that...
My hand was subtly turned down. The horror ran through me as Techno pushed it away before I felt a light grip on my wrist. One tug, I'm already comforted somewhere as close to heaven, which was somewhere in his arms.
There was no answer, though. But, I accepted the hug back before there was a quiet murmur in my ears, it definitely shook me to finally be this close to him, but his long pink bangs got in my way for a moment. The arms that wrapped around me just seemed to tighten a little more. Slowly, he raised his head just to be face to face. I definitely looked like an idiot in front of him, but...
What more could he say?
"I like you, too."
It was enough. Enough for me. Even more, exceeding my expectations, there was a rewarding kiss right after with the quiet words;
"... Took you long enough."