Work Text:
There were some things Farkas was pretty confident of. The superiority of Limp, the whole machine uprising thing being an elaborate plot by President Blowjob and most importantly, that he was really fucking cool.
So he was unsure why he ended up in the flames of hell.
Soccer Chris getting soccer balls shoved up his ass right besides him, that he understood. The guy was a dick. But he didn't think going hard on losers was enough to suffer eternal torment. The rap clown coward going to heaven was just extra salt in the wound. Big Nut was also there, but Farkas couldn't be too mad because he did save his life. And there were definitely worse ways to go. At least he still had his dick.
No, Farkas went out as he lived, a spontaneous burst of energy that subsequently led to his demise. Did he regret using the pole? Not at all, it was a golden opportunity he couldn't resist. Still, he wasn't entirely a fan of his current situation. Sure, the background was kinda cool, but it wasn't ENTIRELY his scene and he did miss the whole being alive thing.
So he did what any man would do and challenged the devil to a skating match.
It shouldn't have surprised him, but the prince of darkness was really REALLY good at this. Moves, precision, landing, it was perfect. And that smirk when done, it was the classic "I'm great and you're screwed" look, and he knew it. But that didn't stop our intrepid skater. Satan may be the Lord of pain and suffering, but Farkas was Farkas, and he would not bow down.
With one deep breath, he prepared his all. Feet speeding, he ran, determined to give the greatest grind one had ever seen, hell or otherwise. This was it, this was his everything, he had one last chance. Ready to simply let destiny take its course, Farkas closed his eyes and gave it his all.
Which was not the best decision, as it made him ignore the rock that sent him flying and hitting with an impact. And it wasn't his head that cracked this time.
Farkas had no idea what horrible things had led him to this fate, but the young skater was now faced with an eternity of suffering... and no dick.
Shit sucked.