Archive of Our Own

“Okay brainiac. In the couple of months we’ve gotten to know each other, I learned you are some sort of fucking god with science and putting shit together to get the job done, you’re terrible at cooking— even if it’s a premade meal, my buddy told me you probably definitely have the record for most requests for replacement equipment, and you went to MIT. It’s come to my attention that I don’t know why you enlisted after knowing all the other shit. So can you please satisfy my curiosity on why you’re here when you could be like chief science man at NASA?”

The somber smile on Mac’s face was slowly fading back into a stoic expression, signaling that the story behind everything was less than pretty.

It wasn’t the first time the question of why join up came around. It was sort of a tradition of the older guys— going around to all the newly deployed or transferred and asking why they joined. Majority of guys were either for the money or college, with a handful saying they had nothing better to do, and then personal reasons that some didn’t want to disclose.

Mac had told the others that had asked before, that he was inspired to join because of all the stories from his grandfather and wanted to help people, but it was far from believed. And it couldn’t be for school since he dropped out, and he always said he was well off so it wasn’t for the money either. If it was something personal, most guys just said they had their own reasons and left it as that.

Mac was a mystery. And apparently a lot of guys were amateur detectives.

“I’m— running.”

The laughter that rang out amongst the guys in the conversation wasn’t exactly unexpected. Mac liked to give vague answers for the fun of it a lot of the time, but with every other instance, his expression held some form of joking to it— a playful gleam in his eyes if nothing else. That time it held… fear? Shame? Determination? Some mixture of them and more.

Jack could see the joyfulness slip, and knew that meant Mac’s story was deeper than what he knew.

“Running from what? A girl? Shit man, my girl was pissed when she found out I signed up; threatened to go to my recruitment officer and tear up my application. Only way I got out of it was promising to write her at least once a month and video her every holiday.”

“I’m running from responsibility.”

“The hell kinda responsibility would make you join the army?”

“Didn’t wanna take over the family business. I’m the oldest of four, one of them can deal with the stress of everything.”

“And the army is less stressful?”

“You’d be surprised.”

Jack couldn’t tell if the guys were deliberately taking the focus off Mac or not, but everyone telling their own story gave Mac a chance to slip back into the metaphorical shadows and have people ignore him.

It wasn’t long before the majority of them had to head out, the two of them included.

Mac had seemed subdued and in a haze as they packed up the Humvee, and Jack had no choice but to ask if he was feeling alright and if he was sick, even though he had a strong feeling Mac’s condition pertained to the question he was asked. Of course, Mac replied saying he was fine— that he just got lost in his head for a second, and giving Jack a look almost like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jack merely turned the conversation into a joke, saying Mac got lost too often and that was the reason he never got to drive.

Jack had gone through their directions and headed off before passing them to Mac so he could look through them. They weren’t any different from others they’d gotten, but the tension coming off Mac was as if he’d been told he had to disarm a nuke.

“Will you just get it over with and ask already?”

The question was somewhat unnerving. “Ask you what?”

“Why I actually joined up. I know you’ve been thinking about it.”

Jack glanced at him. “I know why; yer granddaddy was tellin you stories and you wanted to come out and help. Ain’t like ya haven’t told me that before.”

“But that’s not what I told the guys in the bunks.”

“So?”

A huff nearly got drowned out by the engine. “You really don’t care that I said two different things? What if I’m lying to you?”

Jack shrugged. “Not like I’ve never been lied to before. Mama used to always tell me that if I shared my food with the horses then I’d become one. And so what if you are. No one’s entitled to yer business except you. If you don’t wanna tell anyone then you don’t have to, or if you wanna send them on a wild goose chase then by all means. Only thing I need to know about is if yer able to do yer job without gettin yerself blown up. If you want me to ask, if it’ll help get you outta this funk, then I will, but I don’t need to know.”

There was silence between them for a few minutes, only the rumbling of the engine and occasional clank of a rock hitting the side of the vehicle. Jack had honestly thought that was the end of it. The tension had been cut down, and Mac seemed more than content to let the whole conversation drop into their regular comfortable silence.

When they got to their first destination is when Mac spoke again.

“Go on, ask.”

Jack almost didn’t want to, because the emotion he saw on Mac’s face earlier in the bunks had bled through to his voice, and the amount of shame radiating through him was unsettling at the very least.

“What are you runnin from?”

And the few seconds it took Mac to answer was eerily terrifying.

“My dad.”

Jack didn’t know what to say. Those two words gave him all the information he needed to know, and somehow made him feel guilty about all the times he said he would get Mac home to his family. It gave a lot of insight as to why it seemed like he had no self preservation instinct.

That being said, it wasn’t the first time someone had confided in Jack with such information. He recalled two other times guys had told him about their poor relationships with their parents, though they were much different in their telling. They happened years apart, practically identical to each other, where Jack and a few of his buddies were on leave, getting drunk and enjoying what they could. Jack had been telling stories about his home life, and that drew in others sharing their own stories.

“Your family is something, Dalton. My dad was a real piece of work— smacking us every chance he got, but there was this one time…”

They never actually did the word abusive, but all the details were there. They just seemed to be coping with it better.

Mac didn’t look like he was coping. He looked like he was living through it still, despite being thousands of miles away.

It really made Jack think about the situation he was in— running to the highly dangerous Afghan desert and feeling safer than if he was home.

“Do— you wanna talk about it?”

Mac shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I’m gonna put my two cents in right now; if you didn’t wanna talk about it, you wouldn’t have brought it up.”

“I guess… but l don’t want to bore you with my family drama, if it can even be considered that.”

“Liar. If you didn’t wanna bore me with it then you coulda taken it up with the shrink just to get it outta yer system. Even Doc Roe if you wanted. So lemme say I’m honored ya wanna share bits of yer life with me, even if they aren’t the good ones.”

“If you really don’t mind…”

“Mac you hear bout my family nearly every single day against yer wishes. If you wanna tell me bout yers then by all means. You don’t need to ask.”

Jack looked at him for a second before turning his attention back to the road. Mac had turned to look out his window as if deciding to ignore everything that was just said and drop the matter completely. Jack didn’t mind. What happened in Mac’s life wasn’t any of his business. If wasn’t that he didn’t care about what Mac went through, but if held bad memories then he wasn’t going to put him through reliving them through retelling. Jack had memories like that himself, probably not like Mac, but there were dark places in his mind he wished he could get rid of.

The remaining ride was quiet, and the only things that were said when they reached their destination and eventually found the IED was the typical directions and setup banter.

Jack kind of felt torn on if he should talk about his family life. It always came on absentmindedly and easily, which in itself was strange because he never did it before Mac. Maybe while on base when all the guys were chatting, but never one on one out in the field. Then again, none of his other techs were slow enough to warrant it. In all honesty he didn’t know if he could really go back to staying silent. The quiet in that moment felt tense, as if he was waiting for something; like Mac was waiting for him to pry, or just see how long he could hold out before finally caving and saying everything.

He didn’t want Mac to feel like that, didn’t need more pressure on his shoulders while he was literally defusing a bomb.

So Jack decided to settle on their routine, and waited until Mac was engrossed in the bomb before starting up a story.

“I ever tell you bout the shaving parties we had durin high school?”

Mac slowed his hands, and Jack saw an extremely confused look through his scope. “Do I want to know about them?”

“Ain’t nothin weird, I mean I guess it’s kinda weird and probably a little gross, but overall, it’s not weird.”

“You defending how not weird it is makes it sound even more weird.”

“Okay lemme just get on with it. I did football all through high school, but I had a fair amount of friends that did swim, and some of them were super competitive and their coaches said, specifically to the guys that shaving all the hair off their bodies will indeed make them faster. So they got everyone together— every single person on the swim team was on the pool deck and they had a big ol’ shavin party. I think two guys went to far as to completely shave their heads as well.”

“That’s definitely not where I thought this story was going.”

“You just thought it was a buncha guys like in the bathroom shavin their legs huh? Lemme tell ya I participated in one, and it was honestly real fun, but also my legs and arms were so itchy after from the hair growin back. Only other time I ever shaved my legs was doin a powder puff game. Mama said I had to commit to the role.”

The air in the general area seemed to lift and settle back into whatever the typical feeling was. Jack continued with stories and Mac chimed in with hums and hers occasionally, showing that he was listening but ultimately not paying attention.

It wasn’t until they had finished for the day and packed up all their stuff and headed back that Mac chose to speak on the matter.

“Your family just seems so— great. Everything you told me, even some of your not greatest moments always seem to top everything that ever happened in my family.”

“And I haven’t even told ya the the worst of the things yet.” Jack winked.

“I’d given anything for something like you have. It’s really only been me and my grandfather. I know I told you my mom died when I was five and my dad was never there— truth is, that’s what I wish it was. He didn’t exactly change when my mom died, but he was definitely different. He would always berate me when I got questions on tests wrong, yell at me I would sit and read instead of work on a project. He never really told me when he was leaving or how long he’d be gone, then get upset when the house was a mess. My grandfather was there to help when he could, given his health, but there was yelling between them, arguing at the very least about my well being and how my grandfather would take me if he could.

“When I was ten, my grandfather threw me a small part at his house. It was really just him and the Bozers, but I still really enjoyed it. I didn’t expect my dad to be there because he’d missed birthdays in the past, so seeing him and then being dragged back home while he was yelling at me was just— something. And then he and my grandfather got in a huge argument for hours and my dad blamed it all on me. I haven’t had a birthday since.

“Through the years as I got older, I did the best I could in school, getting nearly straight A’s on everything, but nothing was good enough. I was yelled at all the time, and as I grew older I started yelling back and trying to stand up for myself and that just seemed to make everything worse. I tried to get a summer job in high school but he wouldn’t sign off on anything since I was a minor and just gave me more chores and work to do, and said he’d know if I wasn’t getting anything done when he was away at work. Getting into MIT didn’t really even seem to satisfy him. I got accepted on scholarship, but he declined and said he’d pay for my tuition every year.”

“Dare I ask how much that was?”

“Just about thirty-four thousand, and I knew the only reason he wanted to was because he wanted to have that hold over me. He decided my majors and all my classes and threatened to stop paying if my grades slipped at all. So… I took matters into my own hands once I turned seventeen.”

Jack glanced at him. “You signed up.”

Mac nodded. “It was actually a few months before I turned eighteen, but yeah, I signed up. And I talked to the Dean on how to deal with the payments and grades. I’ll admit it wasn’t my best time, but we were able to work something out, and I can only assume it worked because I haven’t talked to my dad since before I left. He’s probably do nothing less than try to kill me if he knew what I did.”

“You only did two years before leavin?” Mac nodded. “I don’t wanna jinx anythin, but ain’t you supposed to have graduated last year then? Earlier this year at the latest? Wouldn’t he know that and find out what happened and where you went?”

“I don’t think he really cares. I mean, he cares, but, I don’t know. My grandfather died last year and I got to go home for the funeral and he wasn’t there. I expected a huge blowout, but he didn’t even show up to his own father’s funeral. I don’t think my grandfather told anyone I enlisted either because they would’ve mentioned it.”

“What’s yer dad even do for work?”

“I don’t know. He always kept home and work separate. Maybe the CEO of something with how often he was gone, and the money for MIT, but really, don’t know don’t care. He hasn’t put enough effort into caring bout what I want to do so I don’t see why I would have to extend the curtesy to him.”

“Alright. Fair enough.” Jack said, side-eying him. “That why you said yer runnin?”

A deep huff. “Not… exactly. To be honest, joining up wasn’t my top priority. I talked with my grandfather before I went to MIT about what I should do because even if I did stay and graduate, it wasn’t like my dad as just going to turn a complete one eighty and let me start to live how I wanted. He would try to guilt trip and manipulate me into doing what he wanted and I couldn’t live like that anymore. Harry, my grandfather, said that if worst came to worst then I could live with him when I came back, and I found out at his funeral that he left everything he owned to me.”

“So ya still gotta place to go in case everythin turns out bad.”

“Yeah. Overall, joining up was bottom of the barrel. I mean I don’t exactly look like a soldier, but this was the only thing I could think of to finally, really leave. I’m thousands of miles away across an ocean where you can only get here if you have special access. Even if he somehow found out this is where I am, it’s not like he could actually get to me.”

“Gotta say Mac, yer dad sounds like a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to have you as a son.”

“You’re not the only one that thinks so. But, yeah. I joined up to get away from him and all his manipulated tactics. Really hope I never have to see him again.”

“I hope ya don’t either. But lemme ask you somethin— who’d ya put as next of kin when ya signed up?”

“Initially it was Harry, but since he passed I had it changed to Bozer’s mom Loretta. They’re the only other people I told when I signed up.”

Jack let out a soft snort. “I gotta say, it was gonna be real awkward if somethin happened to you and yer dad got notified.”

“And here I thought you said you get all your techs home in one piece.”

***

There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary after that. The conversation had been forgotten and everyone on base went back to complaining about the food and seeing what they could get away with before their CO found out. A handful of guys had taken it upon themselves to give Mac something that was broke and then place bets on if he could fix it or not.

Jack wished he could forget the conversation he and Mac had, but every so often he caught himself rethinking everything Mac told him. It made sense with how he was when they first met, and on off days. Even though Mac never outright said abused, Jack couldn’t help but think it. His father sounded controlling and narcissistic, saying what he was doing was all for Mac’s own good, but from an outsider’s view point, Jack could see the da name that was done. He got a feeling that was where Mac’s need to be perfect on everything came from, where if he made one mistake then he was only as good as the person with the lowest stats. He didn’t exactly have a problem with authority, but he knew how Mac had the gumption to talk back to superior officers.

Knowing what he knew, he looked at Mac in a different light. Initially, Mac was a know it all; a kid that thought he knew better than everyone else, someone with an attitude for no reason. Then he was selfless and confident; a kid that knew what he was doing and would do anything to make sure no one got hurt.

Now—

Mac was something else.

He was a smart, cunning, selfless human being. He put his life on the line for strangers every day. He was so much stronger than Jack could’ve thought. After what he’d been through, both what he told Jack and what he didn’t, leaving his father’s grasp and joining the army of all places, Mac was incredible. He didn’t let his trouble hold him back, and Jack was sure he actually used it to fuel himself to keep doing and do the best he could.

“Macgyver!”

Jack looked up as Mac was called, someone from mail handing him a letter before calling others. The clinking above him stopped and paper tearing took its place. Jack was tempted to ask who it was from but knew it was most likely from Bozer. He was the only one that ever sent Mac any sort of mail, and Mac would mention it later as well, what was happening back home.

What he didn’t expect was for Mac to hop off his bunk, pieces of a broken radio clattering to the ground, forgotten, and him heading outside with letter in hand. It didn’t bode well.

Jack set his feet on the floor, picking up whatever pieces he could find and set them back on Mac’s bunk, noting the envelope still setting there with urgent and priority on it at least a half a dozen times. According to the return address, it was still from Bozer. Whatever was in the letter had to be live changing.

He headed outside, keen on following Mac and maybe getting some answers, and at the very least providing support for whatever was going on, but Mac was nowhere to be seen. The instant he stepped out of the bunks he was lost on base until lights out, and that was still a few hours away. And though the base was the safest place they could be at that moment, not knowing where Mac was, especially in that time of urgency, opened a pit of anxiety in Jack’s stomach.

But the matter was out of his hands at the moment, and the only real thing he could do was wait for Mac to get back.

Luckily, it was barely two hours before Mac’s return, and Jack wouldn’t have known about it if someone hadn’t mentioned it.

“Hey I think your boy’s having a midlife crisis; got that blank thousand yard stare and won’t respond to anyone. He’s just on the crates outside, don’t know how long he’s been there though.”

Jack had been up and out before the sentence was even finished. Mac was right where he was said, sitting on a crate outside, leaning against another with his arms folded just staring into the the blank canvas of another tent in front of him.

“Mac.” Jack didn’t expect anything, merely communicating that he was by his side. “Hey.”

Despite being in the desert sun, Mac looked pale, and his seemingly blank expression held so much information in it. His eyes looked haunted. Jack had seen that look on guys in the past, mainly while out on the field and under fire with little hope of getting out alive. Mac shouldn’t have looked like that. He wasn’t under fire in a battlefield, not cowering in rubble pretending to be dead so be overlooked.

Not physically at least.

Whatever was in that letter had started a battle in Mac’s mind, one that looked like he was losing.

“You alright? A stupid question he knew the answer to. “What’s goin on?”

After a moment, Mac inhaled deeply and spoke. “Bozer, uh, he— spoke with my dad.”

A short nod. “Alright…”

Mac gestured to the two page letter next to him. “Dad showed up to his house demanding to know where I was, threatening legal action if he didn’t say anything. It’s not— not everything is in there. I called him, uh— I owe Roof a week of detail for taking his spot on the phones.”

Jack took the letter and skimmed through it. The first page was just a big call me asap sign, bolded and underlined, and the date, which was a week earlier. The second was how his dad, James apparently, had arrived unannounced and practically barged in, yelling about wanting to know where Mac was and why he dropped out of school.

“On the phone, Bozer told me that, since I put him and his parents as emergency contacts, that MIT had contacted them when dad called and later showed up yelling about where I was and why I hadn’t graduated. They school said they couldn’t give out student records for safety reason, and he flipped out since he was the one that signed forms along with me and that he was my father and was entitled to the information, but they still didn’t give it to him.

“And then Bozer said he didn’t know how but dad somehow got my records and the contract I signed and found out I dropped out after two years and joined up. Apparently there was a huge argument between his parents and my dad about how I’ve been deployed for three years and he had no idea, especially since I should’ve graduated last year.”

Jack didn’t know how to handle the situation. He knew family drama but that was on a whole different level.

“Okay, so, it’s gonna be real fuckin bad when yer discharged. I mean this in the most serious and sincere way possible, do you want me to fly home with you? If yer feelin unsafe bout goin home—”

“I’d prefer if— you stay here with me, because Bozer said my dad knew the outfit, location, and what I do.”

Jack’s brow furrowed. “You sayin he’s comin over here?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him to at least try.” Mac finally looked at Jack, plain fear reflecting in his eyes. “He— I don’t know what to think, but if he somehow does get here, there’s no way he’s not going to try and drag me back home.”

“Well, they don’t let just anyone come on base, especially not in an active war zone. I don’t think that, on the off chance that he actually does somehow make it here, that there’ll be any problems. Yer the top EOD; no way they’re gonna let you go just cuz yer dad wants you back. If that were the case then half these guys would be gone. Besides, this ain’t his house. Out here is ours. He ain’t got any power or grounds to do anything, and if he tries, I’m right here to put him in his place.”

Mac huffed and ran a hand down his face. “Sorry. This whole situation is stupid. It’s not like he ever—”

Jack tried to remain neutral, but the sudden stop of Mac’s speech made his mind go to the worst.

“Mac, he put hands on you?”

He hung his head, eyes content on looking at the ground. “Once.”

“Mac—”

“I deserved it. I did something that could’ve landed me in juvie. My dad took care of it and when we got home he just… it was never really a big deal. Just a punishment.”

“Just a punishment. Mac, what he did was anythin but a punishment. He put his hands on you, his child. No person in their right mind would do somethin like that to their own child. And hell if it ain’t a big deal. Violence ain’t the answer to whatever you did.” Jack noticed his voice had raised, and took a breath to steady himself. “This was when you knew Bozer, right? What’d he have to say bout the whole thing?”

Mac shrugged. “I never told him. I’ve never told anyone. Only you, just now.”

“Why? Surely there were people that could’ve helped.”

“Because my dad would see them as a problem and make them go away, just like he did with the incident. When it happened, he didn’t talk to me and just went about the day, but I knew he was fuming. When I tried to talk to him about it and why it happened— I guess it just kind of set him off. I had a black eye for a while after that and everyone believed me when I said I was working on something and it went wrong. I know the Bozer’s didn’t completely believe it, but I didn’t want to cause them any trouble, so I just— didn’t say anything.”

Jack wanted to be sick. He didn’t know what to make of the situation. In the moment, there wasn’t anything he could do. Everything was in the past, but the mere fact that Mac thought he deserved to go through that—

Thinking back to when they first met, Mac had a black eye for a while after Jack socked him. He already had such a baby face, he didn’t want to think about what it would’ve looked like when he was that much younger. He didn’t want to think about the excuses Mac gave when people asked what happened, and how he probably smiled at telling  them despite what he was going through.

“A lot of the times when he was gone for weeks, even months, I thought he died, because he never called or checked in. And then after it became routine, I had thoughts of hoping he did. Every time he came back, it felt like disappointment washed over me, and I’m ashamed to have felt like that. I mean, he’s my dad, but…”

“Blood relation or not, there ain’t anythin he could’ve said that woulda excused his actions, and I don’t think you need to feel back bout what you were thinkin.” Jack crossed his arms. “I think ya felt bad, not cuz of blood, but because that’s just what kinda person you are. Compassionate and empathetic— a people pleaser definitely. It ain’t fun to have those types of thoughts runnin through yer head, ‘specially with yer types of traits. Just don’t fit, but I don’t think yer wrong for havin them. Natural response really.”

Mac stood and stretched. “I guess. He’s technically been dead to me my whole life anyways. But it’s all in the past. Now I just have to worry about what to do when my tour is up. With my luck, he’ll have figured out my departure date and be the first one at the arrival gate in LA.”

“Hey I meant it when I asked if you wanted me to fly home with ya. Better yet, don’t fly home. Fly somewhere else.”

“I appreciate the offer, but you’re still going to be here for two months after I’m gone. And where would I even go? I’ve only ever had contact with people in California and Massachusetts, and I don’t think going back to MIT would be a good idea.”

“Don’t you worry bout me bein stuck here. I got everythin all planned out.” Jack crossed his arms, a smirk playing at his lips. “You could always go to Texas; give ya a chance to see the Dalton farm and meet mama in person and eat her award winnin meals. I’m sure she’d be happy to have ya, and on the off chance yer old man follows through on anythin and actually manages to track you there, mama would beat him into the ground and make him shovel out the barn.”

“I  don’t know, going to your family house, uninvited…”

“Ain’t uninvited. I literally just invited ya. Matter of fact, I should call mama and tell her.”

“Jack—”

Jack clapped his hand on Mac’s shoulder. “You’re good people, Mac. You don’t deserve the shit that gets thrown at ya and you definitely shouldn’t have to be worryin bout what yer dad might do to you when you go home. Shouldn’t ever have to worry bout that. Now I don’t need an answer right this second, so why don’t you just think about it. Even if it’s only a day notice from you shippin out, I promise mama would be glad to have ya.”

A small smile fought it’s way to Mac’s face. “I really do appreciate it, Jack. I’ll— I’ll think about it.”

***

Life went on after that. The routine of out at dawn, back at dust had continued as it should’ve. There were close calls and not close calls. There were days when a dozen IEDs would get dealt with and days when only three would be dealt with.

That current day had started just as it should have before turning slightly askew, which both made Jack worry but also had him laughing just the slightest as they made their way back to base.

“Ya know—”

“No.”

“If it makes ya feel better—”

“It won’t.”

“Only the best of us get bit on the ass by an ass.”

“You’re not going to let me live this down are you?”

“Hey, I know, it ain’t fun and it probably hurts a bunch. Sittins gonna suck for a while and havin to explain what happened to the supply guys for your replacement is gonna be embarrassin— but ya gotta admit, it’s a little funny.”

Mac sighed. “What was a donkey even doing there? Camels are best suited to live and survive as transport animals in the desert. It doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t have anything in my back pockets either so I don’t know why it went after me.”

“It’s just one of life’s great mysteries. Tell ya what, I’ll take care of everythin when we get back and you can head over to resupply and get another pair and scurry off before anyone asks what happened. And if anyone sees and asks me about it, I’ll just say it ripped cuz you’ve had them for so long.”

The drive back had Jack filling the air with various times of when he’d been too cocky around animals and all the embarrassing injuries he sustained as results, his favorite being a bet against his friends that he could definitely run across a field before the bull got to him, though was proven wrong and it was the day he learned how truly fast bulls are.

Upon arrival back at base, Jack shooed Mac always to get his issue taken care of, but before Mac could make it far from returning, he was stopped.

“Colonel needs to see you in his quarters immediately.”

Getting replacement pants would have to wait.

He made his way through the base, his back pocket flapping as he walked. He announced himself when he got to his destination, and when he was beckoned inside, his steps faultered— nearly stopping completely as he was his father standing off to the side.

“You— wanted to see me, sir?” Mac did his best to completely ignore his father, tried to keep his face neutral as he felt the harsh and judgmental stare at his back.

“Not particularly. Not having to deal with any problems that arise would make my job immensely easier.” He stopped what he was writing and looked up. “I will admit this is a strange one for me. Never before have I had someone’s family member, who wasn’t enlisted, show up on an active base out of the country. I don’t know the strings that needed to get pulled or the clearance level required, and by your expression I’ll take it you didn’t know he would be joining us today.”

Mac stopped himself from looking back at his father. “Uh, no, sir. No I didn’t.”

“Whatever the issue may be, I take it might be settled today. You may speak here.” He went back to his papers. “Pretend I don’t exist.”

Mac didn’t want to turn, to acknowledge his father at all. He thought he’d gotten over it; the fear and anxiety of having to face him, but in that moment, he was a child again. He was just barely a teenager and terrified of what to say or do in fear of some sort of retaliation.

But he was a soldier. He was literally fighting in a war that his father could never compare to.

And yet—

He turned to him, taking a glance at his face and trying to steel himself for whatever onslaught would come, but could tell his façade wasn’t fooling his father in any way.

James himself had crossed arms, with a look that was fluctuating between a scowl and a frightening smile.

“You’re a disappointment.”

It wasn’t the first time Mac had heard those words from his father. Anything less than perfect in any sense had those words following closely behind.

“Everything I’ve done for you, everything I’ve prepared you for, all the strings I’ve pulled and people I’ve dealt with, and this is how you repay me? By throwing all of it away to join the army?” James’s tone was calm and steady, and that spelt out extremely bad news. “You’re disappointing. I gave you everything you needed to succeed and you just throw it all away. You got into one of the best colleges in the country, and you chose to throw the opportunity away. I spent all that money for nothing. You wasted two years of your life just to come out here and play soldier.”

“No one asked you to pay.” Mac’s own voice was quiet. He could feel his heart beating immensely in his chest. “I was given a full scholarship and—”

His head had whipped to the side, a familiar pain from years prior pulsed in his cheek. The distance James covered in those few seconds was disturbing, and how close he was to Mac made him want to curl up in a ball like he used to.

“Selfish. You’re mother would be ashamed of you.”

That was ever so close to pushing Mac over the edge.

“Mr. Macgyver.” Colonel Roades voice rang out. He set down his pen and looked up from the paperwork. “Need I remind you, you are on an active ministry base. You are a civilian with visitation rights, but that does not mean you can assault my soldiers. As of this second, I’m on good authority and perfect grounds to have you arrested and jailed the second you arrive stateside. I don’t care what sort of clearance you have to have gotten here, but it’s useless to try and assert it while you’re here. I do not care about your relationship or what you think you can do, but I promise you that you don’t have the power you think you do.”

James took a step back, scowling at Roades. “I’m merely having a conversation with my son.”

“Conversations do not involve violence. And I don’t care if he’s your son or not. Now until the end of his tour, he is my soldier.” Roades’s voice was commanding, authorial, and calm. “Say what you came all the way out here to say, then I’ll have the MPs escort you back to wherever you came from.”

James looked like he was about to burst, but kept himself leveled. He turned back to Mac. “You don’t understand what I’ve gone through for you. The second you’re back home, you’re in so much trouble.”

Mac finally looked at him, his cheek red and stinging, and eyes full of resolve. “You didn’t even know where I was for the last three years. What makes you think you’re going to be able to keep track of me while I’m out here? I might sign up for another year.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“That’s better than having you try to control every aspect of my life.”

The tension that was building had shattered. There was a slight flicker of some sort of emotion over James’s face, but it was gone so quickly that Mac didn’t even notice.

Mac’s heart was beating so incredibly hard and fast. Admitting something like that was so spur of the moment and unlike him that he didn’t register that it came from his mouth until after the fact.

“If there’s nothing else to be said, Macgyver, you’re dismissed. Go rest up since you had just arrived back before, and inform the private outside to fetch the MPs.” Roades turned back to his paperwork. “Mr. Macgyver, if you’ll kindly stay here so we can assure your safety while we get your transportation ready, it’ll be much appreciated.”

Mac didn’t waste another second before leaving, barely coherent enough to tell the waiting private what he needed to do.

There was a number of emotions running through him at that moment, none that would be able to get pushed back down after what just happened. The sounds of everything going on around him wasn’t helping the fact at all and he knew that if anyone tried to talk to him, mainly if Jack tried to talk to him, the bottle that was holding everything together, that was barely put together itself, would shatter into a mess he didn’t know if he’d be able to clean.

So to try and stave off the inevitable, Mac headed back to the Humvees to start his promises detail work.

***

Mac wasn’t in the bunks, nor had he been in the showers or the canteen.

It was going on two hours, and Jack didn’t have any idea where Mac was. Getting a new pair of pants, or needle and thread definitely shouldn’t have taken that long.

The thing was, Mac had to be there, had to be safe on base, but that didn’t stop Jack from worrying.

He didn’t know the exact point it happened, when he started truly feeling protective over Mac. That whole thing came with the job though, protecting EODs so they could do their job. When did job responsibility turn into true protective nature? The day Mac saved him from the IED he triggered was when something changed, when the respect Jack had for him grew exponentially. He respected every EOD for doing what they do, of course, but Mac was just— different. He grew to respect Mac not using firearms, because going into a battlefield without one was ballsy, and while it was still confusing, the odd ways Mac disarmed was respected as well, because, again, it was ballsy. When given a straight forward task that was always done by the book and outwardly choosing to go a different route—

Jack had seen only a small handful of times of others arguing with superior officers about decisions that were made, he himself being a part of them, and nearly always it was the lower ranked soldier that conceded the point and dropped the situation as a whole. Mac wasn’t the kind of person to do that. If he was right and he knew it, he would argue and explain his reasoning until the sun went down, despite of any punishment he would get for talking back.

The respect was always there and grew as their relationship progressed, but the true caring emotion that wasn’t tied to the job was a mystery.

But the point of the matter was Mac was missing, and that was something Jack wouldn’t stand for. He’d gotten teased for it before with the guys and always played it off, and he was certainly going to get teased about it that time, even more so because there had already been comments about how they weren’t attached at the hip upon returning. So Jack left the bunks to go find him.

He didn’t know where to start looking though. He knew Mac didn’t have any prior duties to complete when coming off a shift. He could’ve gotten chewed out for his uniform if one of the superiors saw him and were just having a bad day, so he could’ve wound up in the guardhouse. He could’ve gone to the supply tent and gotten in another argument with the clerk about how to organize things. He could’ve just been angry at Jack for some reason and was doing everything he could to avoid him. Wouldn’t have been the first time any of those situations could happen.

“You’ve got that face on you, Dalton.” Jack glanced at Joe, who had fallen in step beside him.

“What look?”

“You know, the look of you’ve lost something, or someone.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I’m lookin for Mac.”

“Hey I think it’s real cool how you guys have turned your relationship a full one-eighty. There isn’t any shame about worrying where the other should be even on base, especially with him… but it is also kinda funny since you didn’t act like this with your other techs.”

“Mac’s— a different type of guy.”

“You don’t need to tell me twice. I mean you guys came back after a long day and he’s down at detail in the fading sunlight.”

Jack frowned slightly. “The hell’s he doin there?”

Joe shrugged. “Didn’t ask. I was just passing by and figured you knew, then I saw. But, yeah, that’s where he is.”

A clap to his shoulder and Jack was off. His mind when back to the weeks prior when Mac told him he owed someone detail work for taking their phone time. Starting it then didn’t make any sense, especially since they were still on rotation and needed to be up in the early hours of the morning to head out.

It didn’t seem like there was anything different about that day. Mac was his usual self and there wasn’t anything abnormal about the day, besides the donkey, and that had both of them laughing. The thought of Mac getting something from the bite hadn’t passed his mind because it hadn’t broke skin, but he also wouldn’t put it passed him to get a shot in private and try to play it off as best he could, but that didn’t seem like the situation at hand.

When Jack got to detail, he saw one Humvee with its back hatch open and assumed it was Mac. He approached behind to find it was, and he was cleaning the very seems of the metal with some sort of tiny pick and a spray bottle.

“Ya know, when they said detail, I don’t think this is exactly what they meant.” He knocked one of Mac’s boots with his hand, also noting that the pocket on his pants were still ripped. “And startin at the end of the day probably ain’t the best choice. What on yer mind?”

“Nothing.” Mac grunted, and it was almost believable. “I just wanted something to keep my hands busy for a while.”

“And fixin yer pants wasn’t it?”

Mac stopped, mentally slapping himself. It wasn’t a complete excuse, but it would’ve worked if his pants weren’t still ripped. “I— forgot.”

“I’m sure, because two hours ago it woulda taken all of five minutes to get a needle and thread and start stitchin. Now yer out here in the fast fading sunlight, workin like there’s no tomorrow. I know somethin’s up. If you don’t wanna tell me then I won’t force ya, but at least tell me you don’t wanna.”

He sat in place. In all truth, he didn’t want to tell Jack what happened with his father. Having Colonel Roades view the whole thing was embarrassing enough. He didn’t need Jack to start worrying even more than he already was. But he knew it wasn’t something he could hide forever. So he sat up and faced Jack, fully expecting the expression on his face.

“Hell man, what happened?”

Mac’s face has a pulsating pain to it, an ongoing throb ever since he left the Colonel’s tent but didn’t have a chance to look at it, only assuming it was still quite red, maybe a chance of it bruising.

“Don’t laugh.”

“I wouldn’t laugh at somethin like that. Looks like someone socked ya.”

He couldn’t put that burden on Jack’s shoulders, not after everything he’s done.

“You know how no one believes the real story of a black eye so you make up something and that’s what they believe?”

“I mean, I guess so.”

“Which sounds more believable? I tripped and my face graciously caught my fall, or I walked into someone stretching and ultimately got myself punched?”

Jack raised a brow. “I mean, for you— I guess walkin into someone, but—”

“Then that’s what happened.” Mac crossed his arms.

“Now wait just a minute.” Jack sputtered. “What actually happened?”

“Someone was stretching and I walked into their fist.”

“Mac.”

Jack had that look on, the one he got when the worry was evolving into something more. Mac was doing the exact opposite of what he wanted.

“Okay just— don’t laugh. I went to supply for new pants, which they said I could get tomorrow, and on the way to the bunks I ran into Roof and he wanted to call in me owing him; showed me the trucks he was assigned, and said I could start when were next off rotation. After that, I was going to head back to bunks when… I— ran into one of the ropes keeping the tents taut.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Mac had run into Roof after exiting the supply tent, but it was after the whole debacle with his father.

Jack looked at him, face fighting in between worry and humor.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh.”

“I’m not!” Though his tone betrayed him. “That’s— that’s gotta sting. Trippin on them sucks but never really thought about runnin face first into them. How’d it even happen?”

“I don’t know. I was lost in my head and it just happened. I came out here for detail work because I couldn’t think of a good excuse, because saying I ran into a rope is ridiculous.”

Jack looked at him after his small laughing fit. “Well are ya okay?”

“I’m fine. Nothing’s really hurt except my pride.”

“Ya sure? That look in yer eyes says somethin different.”

Mac rubbed the back of his head. He’d been thinking about it since Jack first talked about it weeks ago, and his dad randomly showing up had him terrified and helped solidify the idea, and then Jack asking was the perfect time to actually bring it up.

“Actually… I’ve been thinking, about what you said, about not going to California. With what Bozer said about my dad— I don’t want to think about what would happen if I went there after what I did, despite the fact he didn’t know I was gone for three years.”

Jack raised a brow. “You thinkin bout goin to Texas?”

Mac shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. “I can’t go back to MIT, and I know the Bozers would do anything they could, but— going somewhere my dad can’t find me seems like the best idea. Unless you changed your mind— that’s totally fine. I can head somewhere else.”

“No no, it’s all good.” Jack clapped him on the shoulder. “Even if we parted ways and it was years later, yer always welcome at the Dalton House. I just didn’t really expect this, not now anyways. I just need to talk to mama, tell her what’s goin on and all that; get yer discharge date and everythin in order, probably talk to the man since my reenlistment condition was stayin yer watch— see if that means I can get out same day so nothin’s difficult for ya.”

“I don’t want to make any problems. If your mom says no—”

“She wouldn’t think of it. Ever since the first time ya came to find me while I was on a call, all the ones after she’s been askin for ya. If you got the opportunity to go see her and ya didn’t, she might as well show up where you are and drag ya back for some authentic Texan grub if nothin else. I promise there ain’t gonna be any problems with her wantin ya there. Just might be a little— ya know, bein at the airport and not knowin who yer lookin for, ‘specially comin outta this place. And if yer worried about her askin why, don’t be. She won’t pry, but she will lend a shoulder and an ear if ya need.”

Hearing everything Jack said, all the things he and his family were willing to do for him, he didn’t know what to feel. It was like meeting Bozer again, finally having someone beside him who wanted to be there. He also knew he should’ve told Jack what happened earlier, with James finding out he was there and somehow getting the clearance to actually get there. He never knew what James’s job was, but having that sort of power was terrifying.

“I’m beginning to see where you get it from.” He smiled. “You— don’t know how much I really appreciate it.”

“Hey, it’s my job to watch yer back, in and out of the field. And until ya get some self-preservation in that head of yers, I don’t think I’m ever gonna stop watchin yer back.”

“In all fairness, I don’t think I want you to.”