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“So then he says that a snake bit him on his dick and he needs -- and I quote -- ‘a ripped dude’ to come suck out the poison. Of course I thought of you right away, but I didn’t think the rest of the 118 would find it amusing.”
Tommy chuckles and checks the urge to glance around and make sure no one he knows is nearby to overhear them. After all, the whole point of hanging out in public with Josh is to practice being comfortable in his own skin so he can eventually ‘live as authentically as possible’. At least that’s the way Josh had sold it when he’d invited Tommy to the little neighborhood festival not far from his apartment.
It isn’t the first time he and Josh have hung out. They’d met in passing a few times when Tommy was still trying to convince himself he could marry Abby and pretend to be straight for the rest of his life, mostly when Tommy had swung by the dispatch center to pick Abby up after a shift. It had only happened a handful of times in the years they were together, which in retrospect probably should have told them both something about the problems in their relationship.
It was a surprise when Josh called him after he and Abby split up, and not exactly a welcome one in the beginning. Tommy still remembers the panic that gripped him when he realized Josh had clocked him, and it had taken a while for Josh to convince him that he wasn’t trying to out him or blackmail him or even come on to him. The truth was that Josh was the only person who’d bothered to reach out and check that Tommy was okay after the breakup, and after his initial freakout, Tommy was just grateful to have someone to talk to about it.
The whole situation could have ended really badly, but instead Tommy ended up with an invitation to join Josh’s karaoke trivia team, and just like that he had his first out gay friend.
“Was the guy high?” Tommy asks as Josh steers him toward a booth with an assortment of hand-painted shirts and a rainbow flag to indicate it’s an LGBT-owned business. It’s not an official Pride event, but Josh lives in a ‘gayborhood’, as he puts it, so whenever there’s a street fair or a block party there tend to be gay-friendly businesses in abundance.
“No idea,” Josh answers. “I told him it was a crime to call 911 without a real emergency and he hung up.”
“Shame,” Tommy says, nose wrinkling at the shirt Josh is holding. “You could have offered your services.”
Josh rolls his eyes and puts the shirt back on the rack before they head to the next booth. “Even if I was in the habit of hooking up with random 911 callers -- which I’m not, thank you very much -- I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have fit the bill in his eyes. You, on the other hand, definitely count as ‘ripped’.”
Tommy wills himself not to blush at the glance Josh shoots in his direction. They’re solidly in the ‘friends’ category and have been since the beginning of their relationship, but Josh is never shy with the compliments regardless. He says that he’s helping Tommy get acclimated to male attention in a safe way, which Tommy is pretty sure means that Josh wants him to learn to love himself enough to try an actual relationship instead of just hookups with guys he meets at gay bars as far away from anywhere he might run into someone he knows as he can get.
And Tommy wants that too, it’s just that he’s not quite ready. Things at the 118 have gotten a lot better since Bobby became their captain, and once Sal transferred to the 122 the last of the heavy weight hanging over him at work had lifted. He doesn’t feel the tension he carried for years under Gerrard, and before that in the Army, when he held himself so tightly because he was constantly afraid that he would fly apart, and someone would see the real him for the first time.
He’s been tempted a few times to come out to Howie and Hen, but every time he finds an opening he remembers the way he made their lives miserable for so long and he can’t bring himself to do it. Not because he doesn’t think they’d accept him, but because it doesn’t feel like he deserves their support after the way he acted when Gerrard was still in charge.
“I keep telling you that if you want to bulk up some, I can take you to my gym, show you the basics. Then you could stop complaining that my alleged buffness renders you invisible every time we go anywhere together.”
“First of all, there’s nothing alleged about it and you know it. And secondly, some of us actually need to make an emotional connection with a guy before we hop on their dick. You should try it sometime,” Josh says with a sidelong glance that leaves Tommy with no doubt at all about how hard he’s being judged.
He opens his mouth to make an equally bitchy reply, but before he gets the words out a smell hits him and he forgets all about the conversation. “What is that?”
“What?” Josh asks, but Tommy barely registers the sound of his voice. He’s already following the scents of warm sugar and cinnamon, stomach rumbling in anticipation, and God, he really hopes it’s not a scented candle booth or something, because now he’s starving.
When he reaches the end of the block he turns left, and when he spots the crowd gathered around a small booth with a long table running along the front of it, he knows it’s not a candle booth. It’s tempting to use his size to muscle his way to the front of the line, but Tommy’s never been that guy, even when he was pretending to be the kind of asshole Gerrard approves of. So he waits his turn, vaguely aware of Josh catching up with him and muttering a quiet of course.
“I swear, you’re like a bloodhound. How on earth you can eat as much sugar as you do and still look like a brick wall, I’ll never understand.”
“Just lucky, I guess,” Tommy says, watching as the small group of teenage girls in front of him lean into each other to whisper. They’re giggling about something, but there’s a family at the front blocking his view of the bulk of the booth, so he can’t see what they’re looking at. All he knows is that the smell in the air is like his grandma’s house at Christmas, and there’s a tightness in his chest that he can’t explain.
“Sure, luck and like twenty hours a week in the gym,” Josh says.
Tommy opens his mouth to make a crack about Josh’s obsession with his workout routine, but then the family at the front of the line moves and he catches his first glimpse of the angel manning the booth.
He’s probably Tommy’s height, with blond curls and blue eyes that sparkle with mischief as he greets the giggling teenagers in front of Tommy. Not that Tommy can blame them; he sort of feels like giggling too, and Blue Eyes isn’t even looking at him yet. Which is good, because it means Tommy can spend a moment cataloging every detail of the most attractive guy he’s laid eyes on since he started letting himself look.
He’s not as built as Tommy, but when he turns to reach for whatever the teenagers ordered, Tommy watches his bicep flex in his tight t-shirt and has to stop himself from imagining those arms holding him down. There’s a birthmark near his eye that Tommy didn’t notice until the guy turned his head, but now that he’s spotted it all he can think about is how much he wants to press his lips to that spot and claim it for his own.
One of the teenagers says something Tommy doesn’t catch, but whatever it is makes Blue Eyes toss his head back and laugh with his whole body. He’s beautiful, and Tommy can’t decide if he wants all that attention on himself or if he wants to stand right here forever and just watch him smile.
Blue Eyes turns around to make change for the teenagers, then he hands it over along with their purchases tucked neatly into plain white paper bags. “Thanks, ladies. Be good,” he says, waving as they break into another round of giggles and scurry off, no doubt to talk about how hot the guy running the bakery booth is.
Then there’s nothing between Tommy and Blue Eyes except a table piled high with every kind of baked good he can think of, and that smile is turning on him. As soon as their eyes meet the sunny smile fades into something more like surprise, pink lips parted a little as they just stare at each other. And Tommy would be happy to keep staring all day, but a sharp jab between his shoulder blades pushes him into action.
“Hi,” he says, his voice a little strange to his own ears. He’s sort of expecting to get laughed at, but instead that sunny smile blooms on the guy’s face again.
“Hi,” Blue Eyes echoes, his gaze trailing down Tommy’s chest and back up again. “Welcome to Dreamcakes. What’s your pleasure?”
You, Tommy thinks, feels himself blushing all the way to the tips of his ears. And he knows he’s supposed to say something, but he’s afraid if he opens his mouth that the truth will just spill out of him.
There’s another jab between his shoulder blades, then Josh is stepping up to his side. “Forgive him, he’s got some kind of homing beacon that zeroes in on sugar the minute he’s within a hundred yards of it. I’m Josh Russo, and this is my friend Tommy. I don’t think I’ve seen you around the neighborhood before.”
Tommy’s not sure whether to be grateful or furious at Josh for diverting the guy’s attention, but at least he kept Tommy from saying something he can’t take back. It gives him a second to breathe, anyway, to pull himself together and try to figure out why his powers of speech have evaporated just because of a couple smiles from a complete stranger.
“Uh, yeah, we just moved in a few weeks ago. I figured the street fair was a good way to get the word out,” the guy says, gesturing toward a hand-lettered sign announcing the name of the bakery. There’s an address Tommy knows is just a few blocks away printed neatly along the bottom of the sign. “I’m Evan…uh…Evan Buckley.”
“Oh, that’s a good location, lots of foot traffic,” Josh says. “So is it just you, or…”
“Well, technically I’m the baker, but Maddie’s been helping out, just until things get off the ground.”
As he says it a dark-haired woman ducks into the tent and sidles up next to him. And Tommy’s not disappointed that he’s got a girlfriend…partner…wife…whatever. He’s not, because they’re complete strangers, and the fact that Evan’s smile could stop traffic doesn’t change that.
“Sorry,” she says as she ties an apron around her waist. “The line for the bathroom was ridiculous. There are so many people in this city.”
“No worries,” Evan says, casting a fond look in her direction that makes Tommy’s traitorous heart ache a little. “Mads, this is our new neighbor Josh, and this is Josh’s friend Tommy.”
“Maddie Ken...Buckley. Maddie Buckley,” she announces, smiling like she’s thrilled to get the opportunity to say her own name out loud. So maybe they’re newlyweds? “Nice to meet you.”
“So you’re not from L.A.?” Josh asks, like maybe he’s just as curious about their dynamic as Tommy is.
The two of them exchange a glance that somehow holds an entire conversation, then Evan shakes his head and smiles again. “We grew up out east, but we were looking for a fresh start.”
High school sweethearts? Tommy wonders. He knows it’s rare for high school relationships to last, but if they make it to adulthood, the chances of sticking it out get better. Not that Tommy’s done a lot of research on the longevity of first time partners sticking it out. He's certainly not thinking about it now, because Evan's obviously taken, and the fact that he's a walking wet dream doesn't change anything.
Still, it’s hard not to wonder what Evan’s deal is. He’s the kind of person that makes you feel like you’re the center of the universe just by smiling at you, and Tommy’s almost positive that Evan checked him out earlier. Though everyone knows there’s no harm in looking, so even if Evan is attracted to men, it doesn’t mean he’s not committed to his wife.
“So, Josh’s friend Tommy, have you made up your mind about what you want yet?”
Tommy blinks back into focus and realizes that somehow he’s lost track of the last couple minutes. Josh has moved further down the table, deep in conversation with Maddie about a display of cupcakes, and Evan’s watching him intently, an amused smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
He doesn’t look to see the crowd of restless fair goers lining up behind him, because as soon as Tommy remembers that he’s holding up the line he’s going to feel obligated to move along, and then Evan’s going to stop looking at him like he’s the only person in the world.
“That smell,” he says, wincing at how idiotic he sounds, but Evan’s face just lights up like Tommy said the magic word.
“You were reeled in by my secret weapon,” he says, leaning in and dropping his voice like it’s a big secret. “It’s kind of my take on rugelach, only without the walnuts and raisins.”
As he says it he turns his back to open a small portable oven sitting at the back of the tent, lifting out a tray of delicate-looking pastries and sliding a fresh tray in to bake. Tommy absently notes that he moves with a bit of a limp. It's not noticeable until he has to move more than a few feet away, and he doesn't seem self-conscious about it.
“It reminds me of Christmas when I was a kid,” Tommy says, his cheeks heating up a little at the confession.
He expects Evan to laugh at him, but instead he smiles like Tommy just told him he won the lottery. “Yeah? That’s really cool. A good memory, I hope,” he adds at the last minute, like maybe he’s got some experience with less than positive childhood memories.
And Tommy has plenty of those, but Christmas at his grandmother’s house was always a welcome escape from the chaos and tension at home.
“Definitely good,” he assures Evan as he sets a still-hot cookie on a napkin and presents it to Tommy. It looks a little like a tiny croissant, and he can feel how warm it is through the napkin. It’s almost too hot to eat, but Tommy blows on it for a few seconds and then takes a bite anyway.
“These are the cinnamon version, but I do a chocolate one too. It’s a bigger seller, but the cinnamon fragrance really carries in an open space like this, so I figured this one would draw in more people. Kind of like Cinnabon, you know?”
Evan’s rambling, almost like he’s nervous about what Tommy’s going to think. It’s cute, but it’s also completely unnecessary, because the soft, buttery dough and the sweetness of the cinnamon sugar filling have him moaning in a way that’s probably a little obscene.
“These are amazing,” he says around a mouthful. His tongue’s a little burnt, but he doesn’t even care, because this might just be the best cookie he’s ever eaten.
This time Evan’s smile is definitely pleased, and his cheeks bloom with two bright spots of pink that match the birthmark near his eye. And that’s so not fair, because he’s married, but he’s blushing and ducking his head bashfully and he’s officially too good to be true.
Tommy opens his mouth to say he’ll take a dozen, maybe to ask if Evan’s got any of the chocolate version lying around as well, but before he even gets the question out Evan’s pressing a small square pastry box toward him. “Here, on the house.”
“What? No, I can’t...” Tommy says, taking the box with one hand as he reaches for his wallet with the other.
“Nope. New neighbor discount,” Evan insists, grinning when Tommy frowns at him.
“I don’t even live in this neighborhood,” Tommy says, then he wants to hit himself in the face, because could he sound any more idiotic?
Somehow that makes Evan’s grin even brighter. “Well it was nice meeting you either way. Stop by and check out the bakery next time you’re in the neighborhood.”
Tommy nods and mumbles a thanks as Evan turns that smile of his on his next customer. And he’s just being nice, creating good buzz for his new business or whatever, but that doesn’t explain why he just gave Tommy a whole box of rugelach for free. He lets himself be jostled away from the front of the booth, finally spotting Josh standing off to the side holding a much bigger box than Tommy’s.
“Seriously?” Josh says when he spots the little box Tommy’s clutching protectively to his chest. “I thought you’d buy one of everything.”
“I didn’t buy anything,” Tommy answers, glancing back over his shoulder to make sure Evan’s actually real and he didn’t just hallucinate that entire conversation. “I just said the smell of his cookies reminded me of Christmas at my grandmother’s, and he let me try one and then handed me a box full of them and said it was on the house.”
“Meanwhile I just dropped forty bucks on a dozen cupcakes,” Josh grumbles, but he doesn’t actually sound upset. Mostly he just sounds kind of exasperated, which is how he usually sounds when he’s talking to Tommy. “I guess he’s into ripped dudes too.”
“What? No,” Tommy insists, even though he can’t actually think of another explanation right off the top of his head. “He wasn’t flirting with me right in front of his wife.”
“He’s married?” Josh says, glancing back like he’ll be able to tell Evan’s relationship status from the look on his face.
“Yeah, to Maddie, the woman who sold you those expensive cupcakes. She corrected herself when she said her last name, remember? They’re probably newlyweds and she’s not used to it yet.”
Josh makes a skeptical sound and glances at the box in Tommy’s hands. “It’s possible, I suppose. That doesn’t explain the free pastries, though. And the way they looked at each other when I asked where they were from? There’s a story there.”
A laugh escapes Tommy as he follows Josh back toward his apartment building so they can stash their pastries. “What, you think they’re on the run? Witness protection, maybe?”
“Life isn’t a movie, Thomas,” Josh says, but he’s fighting a smile. “Though if it was, I’d say this one was more romcom than spy thriller.”
Tommy rolls his eyes and adjusts his grip on the still-warm box in his hands. He’s not going to get his hopes up, because it’s pretty clear that Evan’s already taken. Even if he wasn’t, Tommy’s still not ready for more than casual hookups, and something tells him he wouldn’t be able to keep things casual with a guy like Evan. So he’ll eat his rugelach and he’ll maybe allow himself a fantasy or two, then he’ll forget he ever met the cute baker from back east and move on with his life.