Work Text:
It had always been them.
It had always been him.
But it had a different meaning for each of them.
To Haitham, Kaveh had always been the one.
To Kaveh, Haitham had always been his best friend.
Haitham, the linguistics specialist, not knowing how to express his feelings. Being conscious of what Kaveh means to him but unable to put it into words. It was indescribable, even with the power of more than 30 languages backing him. He was getting tired.
It was a normal day, really. Everything had gone well, his days were slowly going back to normal since he got back to being the Scribe. But then. He didn't expect what he found back home. On any other day, there would have been two possibilities: Kaveh being home doing whatever work he had, or the house being locked and without anyone inside.
However, there were two people inside this time. One was Kaveh, much as he expected, he knew the man had gotten a new job recently and was progressing with the schematics. The other person was a mystery for him. But he could see their stares at each other, the comfortability between them, the love they were unconsciously exuding.
It made him sick.
But before he could pretend he was never there, Kaveh had already heard the door open and seen him enter. “Oh, Haitham! Let me present you both. Here, this... He's... friend... He'll…”
Haitham stared at them, the word friend echoing through his mind endlessly. He nodded, having heard half of what Kaveh said, and hurried to his room, trying to avoid them. He knew Kaveh had looked at him between worried and annoyed at his impolite attitude.
He didn't care.
He let himself fall on his bed, trying to not drown in the waves of conflicted emotions he was feeling. ‘Friends’. They were not. At least, not only friends. He knew that kind of stares and gestures.
It was happening again.
He was being left behind by Kaveh.
One part of him would always be happy just being near him, but he couldn't help dreaming of more, even if he knew it was impossible. For once, he couldn't give Kaveh what he wanted. They had talked about it, albeit without explicitly saying it was about them. Kaveh wanted some things Haitham couldn't give.
Even if they were closer than ever now, Haitham knew it wasn't forever. He knew deep down that the happy days spent together were going to end someday. That the nights where Kaveh would seek comfort in his bed, burying himself in Haitham's body, weren't going to go any further.
But.
He didn't expect it would end this fast. It had barely been a couple of months since Kaveh had gotten close enough for them to do that kind of thing. Haitham had lived every day happier than ever. Until Kaveh told him, albeit without saying it directly, that anything between them would never happen.
At least that's how Haitham had tried to understand it. But it seemed his heart had maintained a bit of hope, believing that Kaveh would eventually settle with him. Because if not for that, why would he be crying now?
It was unfair.
But he knew it was coming. After all, he wasn't the one for Kaveh.
Even if Kaveh was the one for him.
Even if he would be there for Kaveh till the end.
Even if Kaveh tried to put distance between them again.
No matter what, Kaveh was the one for him.
There would be no other coming for him.
Even if there was another coming for Kaveh.
He had already resigned himself.
I will always love you, even if you don’t even think of me that way.