Work Text:
Nothing was okay.
Everything had gone astray because of a little thing.
And now, once again... He was alone.
Kaveh's thoughts were a spiral of things that not even him could comprehend. He was sitting on the floor in the middle of his room, his head aching badly but unable to move.
It was wrong. He was doing everything perfectly until a few hours ago. Nobody suspected anything, you could ask anyone about him and all you'd hear is praise for him and his skills, along with how happy he was and how he didn't let anything stop him.
But the truth was he couldn't anymore. He had been locking up every bad thing that happened to him and threatened to make him fall since his father's death.
He knew his father was dead because of him. He knew it was his fault his mom had to move away, leaving him behind. After all, he could be called his father's killer.
Since then, he never reacted bad to anything. Whatever may come to him, he would keep himself firm and confront it, never falling. He always had an smile on his face, never letting it falter in front of anyone.
And since then, he had never shed a single tear. Even now, when everything had exploded in front of him, he was unable to cry. He knew he shouldn't have bottled everything, but it was the only way for him to continue forward.
He knew he could have done it as long as nothing really bad happened. As long as he had his friends with him, he could go to hell and come back unscathed. But..
His suppressed emotions for years had invaded his body as soon as Alhaitham had said those words. He hadn't reacted well, he had shouted and said things he didn't mean and of course never should have left his mouth.
In a single day, he had lost his strongest support, his project, and his facade had been reduced to shards. He no longer had his means to protect himself from anything.
And so, he had run to his room, falling on his knees as soon as the door closed, staring endlessly at the floor, mind invaded with all kinds of thoughts.
'You killed your father'
'Your mother left you because you killed her joy'
'You don't know how to do anything good'
'Just kill yourself'
'You always ruin everything'
'You're a fool'
'Nobody likes you'
'You were bold thinking you were important to anyone'
'He didn't even consider you a friend'
'You should kill yourself'
'What's the point of going on?'
'Just die'
'Everything would be better if you didn't exist'
'No one would care about your death'
'Die'
'Do it'
'K I L L Y O U R S E L F'
Before he knew it, his wrist was full of blood, his clothes covered in it, a knife in his hand. He didn't really know how but he had gotten a knife and was cutting himself.
He didn't feel the pain. He couldn't produce a single tear. In kind of a trance, he directed the knife to his belly. He knew he would die if he pushed it.
The tip of the knife was pressing against his clothes, rigth in front of his belly. He pushed it a bit. The clothes tore. A bit more. A drop of blood dripped from the cut.
'What about your promise?'
He couldn't move. He had almost forgotten about it. All this time, his only purpose had been fulfilling his last promise to his father.
He had promised to be a renowned architect. He still wasn't.
Slowly, he drove away the knife. Still in a trance, he put it back on the countertop and went to the bathroom. After disinfecting the cuts on his wirst, he bandaged them and went back to his room.
He quietly breathed, trying to calm himself before completely coming out of the trance. Then, he let himself fall on top of the bed.
'I'll do it, father. Thank you, for protecting me.'
---------
Several years later
---------
Alhaitham made his way to Lambad's tabern. It had been a long day at the office, work had been tiring and taxing. He just wanted to eat something and drink a bit, then go to his house and rest.
He wasn't ready for the sight that greeted him when he searched for his usual spot. A tall, blond guy, resting his head on the table besides an empty wine bottle.
They hadn't seen each other since that day. The one and only time that he had regretted his words, for they had mean losing his best friend for what he thought forever.
While being lost in his memories, the blond had sobered up a little and was staring at him like he was a ghost.
"Sorry. You're at my usual spot, but don't worry, I'll go."
"Wait! Alhaitham! Don't go, I've already finished, you can take the spot." He got up while speaking, trying not to fall. He was more drunk than he thought.
"You sure you're okay?" Alhaitham didn't know what was he feeling. It was strange, he had never felt that way. But seeing Kaveh, his precious senior, after all this time...
He couldn't let the opportunity scape.
"Why don't you stay here? We could talk."
"Oh. Uh. Okay, I guess that's better than..." Kaveh stopped mid sentence, getting lost in his thoughts while taking his seat again.
"So. How's life going?"
"..." Kaveh tried not to show any emotion like usual, but he found it harder since... Well, since they fought. It wasn't easy being in front of him again. "I guess you could say it's been better"
"I see" Alhaitham wanted to know what exactly that meant. He had always regretted how things ended for them, but he didn't know how to repair what he broke.
"So, uhm, I should get going... I'm... happy ...we could talk." Getting up, Kaveh gathered his things (basically Mehrak) and tried to get going... Only to end up stopped once again by Alhaitham.
"Do you have somewhere to go?"
Kaveh's eyes opened wide, fear filling his body. How did he know he didn't? He tried covering his poverty to everyone...
Alhaitham stared at him. "I heard some people talking about a blond sleeping on the back street. I didn't want to think it was you but..."
"That's... Uh... Well, it's true... Work hasn't been coming and I don't have any more money to pay for an inn" Kaveh's grip on Mehrak got tighter, but he tried not to express how much this was killing him inside.
"Do you want to come with me? I've got a spare room. I could rent it to you and let you a bit of time to get a new job to pay"
Kaveh glanced at him suspicious of his intentions, but Alhaitham was being sincere. No bad intentions behind his words.
"You sure? I... I don't want to be inconvenient or annoy you..."
"I wouldn't offer it if I wasn't aware of that. You're not an inconvenience, Kaveh. Come on, let's go"
It was so painful. Watching how Alhaitham did this so calmly. It was unfair. He was the one who decided to end it all, why was he trying to get into his life again? He was never this kind with anyone. Why him?
Alhaitham got up, told Lambad to put everything to his tab, and guided Kaveh to his house. He knew they needed to talk, but for now, he was happy to have his senior back, even if it was under the pretense of him helping.
Kaveh, on the other end, was freaking out. He really didn't know how this would go, but just remembering how last time they talked ended, he didn't want to go. He knew that if this went similarly or worse, he wouldn't endure it.
They walked in silence, beside each other, Alhaitham leading the way. When Kaveh saw where they were headed, he regretted everything.
He should have left the moment they saw each other.
But he had brought this upon himself. He was the one who had accepted the offer. And anyway he didn't have any other place to go to.
Alhaitham opened the door and stepped inside, signaling Kaveh to follow him. He toured him around the house, and led him to his new room.
It wasn't really necessary, Kaveh remembered the distribution of the house perfectly. He remembered the last time he had been there.
Alhaitham let him alone after saying good night and Kaveh slowly walked to the bed. He sat and let the events sink in him. What the fuck had just happened?
---------
Almost a year later
---------
"Kaveh, I'm back. I've got takeout from Lambad's because I was... Kaveh?!"
Alhaitham had finished work later than usual, so he thought he would buy something to eat with Kaveh. He didn't expect to be greeted by this sight.
Kaveh was laying on the divan, staring at the ceiling without really seeing, his arm hanging on the side of the divan, blood coming from his wrist and dripping in the floor.
Alhaitham dropped everything on the table and ran to him, tearing his shirt to wrap Kaveh's wrist messily, a provisional solution. He frantically searched his body for more cuts and seeing none, he placed his arms under Kaveh's body and carried him to the bathroom.
Kaveh's gaze fell upon him unfocused, his mind on another place and not really paying attention to his surroundings.
While disinfecting and patching up Kaveh's wrist, he noticed there were some old scars, clearly signaling that this wasn't the first time it happened.
Alhaitham tried to get Kaveh to look at him, but all he got back was a unfocused gaze that slowly blinked at him before completely he completely closed his eyes and fell asleep.
A few hours later, Kaveh slowly woke up on his bed. His head hurt, making him feel a bit dizzy, but he tried to remember what had happened. He knew he hadn't fall asleep on his bed.
Fragments of memories came back at him, how he had gotten home after a particularly tiring day, how he had felt again he didn't deserve to live, and lastly, how he had cut himself at the living room.
Seeing how he was still okay, he assumed Alhaitham had gotten home at time and helped him. He got embarrassed and sad at the same time. Alhaitham was the last person he wanted to know about his bad mental health.
And speaking of the devil, Alhaitham entered the room with a plate full of food and a water glass. He put them on the desk and pulled the chair to sit near Kaveh.
Kaveh looked at him, feeling he was about to get scolded pretty bad, and tried to cover himself more with the blanket, almost as if he wanted to escape.
"Kaveh"
He froze. That's wasn't an angry tone. What...?
"Don't do that ever again, please"
Kaveh looked confused at him.
"Haiyi? Why... ?" His eyes opened widely when he saw tears falling from Alhaitham's eyes. He moved without a thought, sitting on his bed to wipe away the tears. "Don't cry, I'm okay silly"
"You're the stupidest person I know" Alhaitham hugged him tightly, his hands still shaking a bit. "Why did you do that?"
"I..." Kaveh didn't know how to answer. His mind had collapsed the moment Alhaitham had hugged him. So he spluttered the first thing he thought. "I don't deserve this. I... I don't deserve to live, Haiyi. I only bring bad things for everyone and... I don't even have anyone that loves me... Everyone I cared for left me... "
"You surely are the stupidest person alive" Alhaitham slowly got aways from the hug to stare at him right at the eyes. "Kaveh, I love you. I've always loved you. And you don't even know how sorry, how regretful I am for what I said back then. I didn't thought I would lose you. And I don't want to experience being apart from you ever again. So please, believe me. Stay with me, please"
If only he could cry, Kaveh would be crying. He hated himself for not being able to. But even if he didn't know how to feel about this, he knew what he had to do.
So he kissed Alhaitham. After all the years secretly loving him, he finally was able to do it. Every second that passed he felt more like crying, but tears didn't want to fall.
Alhaitham hugged him again, kissing him back while gripping his shirt, feeling he could lose Kaveh any minute.
"I'm sorry, Haiyi. I didn't know what I was thinking"
Alhaitham placed a kiss on his nose. "Don't worry. Just know you've got me here forever. I'll never again leave your side"
They shared a smile and another little kiss.
"So, how about a bit of food? It's going to get bad if we let it much more time there"
"Can you bring it, please? I don't feel like getting up right now would be a good idea"
Alhaitham chuckled, left a kiss on Kaveh's forehead and got up, wnet to the desk and brought back the food with him.
"Here. Want some help?" He tried bringing back his teasy tone, testing the waters.
"Haiyi! I'm not a kid! I can eat by myself, thank you!"
Alhaitham smiled, happy that everything was back to normal between them. After eating, he took back the plates to clean them, letting Kaveh sleep again.
He put his soundproof earphones on since the sounds from cleaning the dishes made him uncomfortable. When he finished, he took them off and went to his bedroom, thinking of getting some sleep before going back to check on Kaveh being okay.
He didn't expect to see Kaveh laying on his bed, almost asleep, as if he was waiting for him. He felt his face get hot, and slowly approached the bed. Kaveh lazily looked at him, his face beaming as he recognised him, his hands searching for him.
Alhaitham got next to him on bed and kissed his forehead, closing his eyes and getting ready to sleep.
But Kaveh had other plans. His mind, not really working since before and foggy with sleep, didn't control his impulses, so he started kissing Alhaitham's face. Soft kisses placed on his forehead, nose, cheeks, lips, chin... And down to his neck.
When he felt the first kiss on the neck, Alhaitham grabbed Kaveh's hips and moved him, placing himself on top of Kaveh and looking at him.
"What are you doing, Kaveh?"
"Isn't it clear? I want you Haiyi. I always did. Can we please...?"
Alhaitham felt all his self-control vanish at that moment, his mind shutting down and his deeper desires surge. He kissed him fiercely, placing his hands on Kaveh's shirt and taking it off.
While his mouth moved to kiss, bite and mark Kaveh's neck, his hands were getting rid of Kaveh's pants and underwear, letting him naked. Kaveh couldn't keep up and had since given up trying to maintain silence, dirty sounds coming from his mouth every second.
Suddenly, he stopped, taking in the sight before him: Kaveh, completely blushed, panting and really embarrassed but ready to give everything to him.
Alhaitham couldn't wait anymore and took off all of his clothes, getting back on top of Kaveh and silencing him with a kiss. His hands travelled down, caressing Kaveh's hole and slowly pressing a finger to it.
Kaveh moaned and arched his back, his hands gripping tightly the sheets. "Haiyi, Haiyi~" Incited by his callings, Alhaitham introduced a finger carefully, moving it slowly and setting up a pace that increased every few seconds.
"Ah~ Haiyi~ M-More, give me m-more!"
Another finger was introduced while Alhaitham kissed Kaveh fiercely again, trying his best to go slowly to not hurt him. After a moment, his free hand traveled to the bedside table and took the oil from the drawer.
He took out his fingers when he felt Kaveh was ready and covered his dick with oil. He set in front of Kaveh and pushed slowly. "Tell... Ha... Tell me if it hurts"
Kaveh surrounded Alhaitham's hips with his legs, pushing him so he entered faster. He was going to get crazy if he didn't have Alhaitham inside him right now.
When he was completely inside, Alhaitham took a second to catch his breath before starting to thrust and set a pace. Kaveh's legs tightened around him as he spoke. "Haiyi~ Come on~ Don't make me wait~"
Alhaitham silenced him with a kiss, suddenly moving much more faster than he initially intended. But Kaveh was asking for him to move, and he wasn't going to negate his desires.
Dirty sounds filled the room, Kaveh being the noisier one, begging for Alhaitham to not stop, to fill him, to make a mess with him. And Alhaitham answering acordingly, knowing perfectly well how to overstimulate him.
They came at the same time, Alhaitham inside Kaveh as requested per him, and they both took a while to calm down after. Alhaitham slowly pulled out, and seeing the mess they made, chuckled.
"We're going to need a bath and new sheets if we want to sleep here"
"Ugh... I can't move, Haiyi... Carry me please"
"Everything you want, senior"
Kaveh fell asleep in the middle of the bath, too much emotions and exercise on one day for him. Alhaitham carried him to bed again after changing the sheets, getting right next to him. He placed a kiss on his forehead and cuddling him to sleep.
---------
After that day, they started dating. Kaveh told Alhaitham all about his past, how his family had ended and how he almost killed himself when they fought.
Alhaitham promised and vowed to never again let Kaveh alone, loving him for the rest of his life and protecting him from everything.
And after many years together, Kaveh finally cried the day they adopted a cute little girl, who would become the new light of their lives.