Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hiyori Tomoe is a lonely child.

On the surface, his life is perfect. He lives in a large mansion, he has all the toys he could possibly want, and there are servants to attend to his every need. Last spring, he was enrolled in the most prestigious grade school in Tokyo. He’s never hungry, and his clothes are never dirty.

He’s also really good at dancing, he likes to think.

He should be happy. Instead, something feels missing. There’s a hole inside of him that no amount of toys and new clothes is able to fill, and he doesn’t know why.

It’s a Saturday afternoon in early September, and Hiyori has long finished all his homework for the weekend. It means he’s able to wander around the estate freely or spend his time watching idol DVDs in his room. Today, he’s roaming the backyard, slowly making his way towards the grassy patch in the back, the one surrounded by rose bushes. No one else knows about this place apart from the gardener who comes to cut and water the roses once a week. Tanaka-san is nice. He always asks Hiyori about the latest idol songs when Hiyori finds him in the garden. He’s not here today, though; Hiyori has the place to himself.

He plans to spend the afternoon rehearsing the dance moves of his favourite idols here. Last night he stayed up late rewatching the same song on the DVD dozens of times, and he thinks he’s got most of the moves memorised now. It’s just a matter of practising them over and over until he has them down. 

It’s too bad no one is able to watch him to see how amazing he is, but that’s something else Hiyori has long since resigned himself to. His parents are mostly distracted by their phones whenever he tries to talk to them, and they tell him, “Do what you like as long as you don’t stand out. And don’t embarrass the family name.” At least his brother Ren cares, and sometimes when Hiyori sees him, Hiyori can tell him about his favourite idols and songs.

But Hiyori rarely sees his brother, apart from the occasional breakfast and dinner times. Ren is shuffled from tutor to tutor in a desperate attempt to raise his grades enough that he won’t be amongst the bottom half of the students in his year. 

And so Hiyori practises his dancing alone.

He’s singing the song, about to practise the signature move of his favourite idol unit’s leader when he hears leaves rustling behind him. He spins around, expecting to see a bird or a squirrel who might keep him company for a while.

Instead—

“Are you an idol?”

Hiyori freezes, his eyes going wide.

There’s a boy behind him, climbing through the bushes and dusting himself off a little. Straightening up, he clasps his hands behind his back. The boy is a little shorter than Hiyori. Younger, too. He has dark hair and bright golden eyes that shine in the afternoon sun. He’s pretty, in a rough sort of way, like an uncut diamond. He’s wearing black shorts and a yellow t-shirt that makes his eyes stand out as a luminescent kind of golden.

“Yes, I’m an idol,” Hiyori lies easily, unable to stop pride from creeping into his voice. 

“Wow,” the boy whispers. “I heard you singing. You’re really good.”

Hiyori can’t stop the smile from forming on his face. This boy recognises his talent! 

“I know,” Hiyori says, although this is the first time anyone has complimented his singing or dancing. Then, a little too eagerly, he asks, “You like idols?”

“Of course,” the boy says. “My father is an idol.” His face turns a little sad when he says this. But after a moment, his eyes start sparkling again when he looks at Hiyori. “I wanna be an idol too!”

Hiyori beams. He’s never met another kid who wants to become an idol, too. Granted, the only kids he meets are privileged noble kids who only care about getting good grades to show their parents and competing against each other to see who’s best.

Hiyori doesn’t really care about getting good grades. After his first-ever exams, he showed his near-perfect scores to his parents, and they just frowned and muttered to themselves that it wasn’t ideal that Hiyori was getting better grades than his brother. Later on, his father took him aside and told him it wasn’t good if he stood out too much. His brother was more important, and Hiyori had to support his brother first of all. Hiyori stood there, balling his hands into fists so tightly it hurt, as he nodded and tried not to cry. He always got scolded for crying.

And so Hiyori doesn’t really care about being better than his classmates, either. He’s not supposed to stand out. And really, he just wants to make people smile. People hardly smile around him—not his parents, not his teachers, not the servants, not the chauffeur who drives him to and from school every day. The only one who ever smiles at him is his brother. Ren sometimes pats Hiyori’s head and tells him he’s a good boy.

Hiyori wants to make more people smile at him like that.

Maybe this is why he doesn’t really have any real friends at school, when his classmates all seem to want different things than him. Sure, he pretends to be liked and popular, but when it comes to people whom he really likes and wants to spend time with… Well, there’s Tanaka-san, if that counts? 

“Hey,” Hiyori says, an idea forming in his head. “If you’re an idol too, can you help me practise?”

The boy steps closer. There are still a few dark green leaves stuck in his hair, and there’s a smudge of dirt below his right eye.

“Okay,” he says.

“You can be my servant!” Hiyori beams.

The boy scowls, his nose scrunching up in a way that’s kind of cute. “Absolutely not.”

Hiyori pauses, frowning. He’s not used to being told no. “Why not? It’s an honour to be my servant.”

“Well,” the boy says. “I’m not a servant. My name is Jun Sazanami.”

Hiyori tilts his head, studying the boy for a moment, until he squirms a little under Hiyori’s gaze. “Then I’ll call you Jun-kun.”

The boy pauses for a second, then nods. “Okay.” 

He bows, and that makes Hiyori smile. What a polite boy. Hiyori already likes him.

“What’s your name?” 

Hiyori stands up straight, hands clasped in front of him. “My name is Hiyori Tomoe. But you have to call me ‘Tomoe-senpai’ because I’m older than you. And I’m a noble. You’re not.”

Jun puts his hands on his hips and scowls a little again. Maybe he’s not as polite as Hiyori first thought. “How do you know? Maybe I am.”

Hiyori points to Jun’s basic t-shirt and then looks down at his own fancy polo shirt and designer shorts. “I’ve never seen a noble kid wear commoner clothes like you.”

Jun flushes a little, and his scowl deepens. “My father is a famous idol. I’m not a commoner.” Something sad and angry flits across his face again, but it’s gone before it can really settle. “I don’t like you. I don’t care if you’re an idol.”

Jun turns around, taking a step away from Hiyori.

Before Hiyori has realised what he’s doing, he jumps forward and grabs Jun’s hand. “Wait!”

To Hiyori’s immense relief, the boy pauses and turns his head. He doesn’t pull away his hand. Hiyori thinks back to the conversation just now, wondering where he went wrong. He doesn’t think he said anything upsetting, but the boy is clearly angry, anyway. Hiyori doesn’t want him to be. Desperately, everything inside of him wants this boy to be his friend. Jun is pretty, and he likes idols, too. It makes Hiyori’s chest ache to see him upset.

Jun is still looking at him, and Hiyori quickly drops his hand when he realises he’s still holding it.

“Don’t go,” Hiyori says. “You don’t have to be my servant. You can be an idol, too. We can both be idols.”

Hiyori holds his breath, waiting for Jun to turn this idea over in his head. Warm relief spreads through Hiyori’s chest when Jun nods. 

“Okay.” Jun turns back to Hiyori, and he bows politely. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Hiyori’s relief turns into a happiness so bright that it seems to burn in his chest. He stands up straight and gives Jun his best formal bow, the one his parents force him to do whenever he’s meeting new people. It’s the first time he does it because he wants to. 

“It’s nice to meet you, too.”

When Hiyori stands up, Jun’s cheeks are a little pink, and his gaze turns bashful. The warmth in Hiyori’s chest spreads, making his skin tingle.

“Uhm,” Jun says. “I can do a couple of dance moves. But not the ones you just did.”

“That’s okay!” Hiyori jumps forward to grab Jun’s hands again, dragging him back into the clearing in between the roses. “I’ll teach you.”

And he does. Hiyori probably isn’t that good of a teacher when he’s not even had any formal dance training himself, but Jun is eager to learn. He watches Hiyori closely, copying him as well as he can. For someone who is doing this dance for the first time, he’s really not doing too bad.

He’s not as good as Hiyori is, of course, but Hiyori hadn’t expected that. Hiyori is the best, so it’s unfair to expect this commoner boy to be as dazzling as Hiyori is.

But he’s good enough! 

And Jun obviously has fun, too, despite the fact that he struggles to keep up with Hiyori. His eyes are shining, and when he executes a spin perfectly, Hiyori laughs and claps, making Jun avert his eyes with a small smile on his lips. 

Jun really loves idols, just like Hiyori. That thought unfurls something fragile and precious in his chest as Hiyori watches Jun. It’s a feeling he’s never had before. 

Maybe Jun could be not just someone to practise with. Maybe he could be Hiyori’s friend? 

The sun is high and bright in the sky by the time Hiyori is getting thirsty. He’s about to suggest a break when Jun, visibly tired, trips over his own feet during one of the faster parts and falls down on his butt on the grass. 

He gets to his hands and knees quickly, looking up at Hiyori, his eyes wide, and if Hiyori didn’t know any better, he’d say Jun looked scared. But they’re only playing. Hiyori hasn’t done anything. Has he? 

“I’m sorry,” Jun says softly. 

Hiyori crouches down before Jun, a hand on Jun’s knee where he’s stained it, green and a little dirty. The dirt stain from before is still on Jun’s cheek. Jun’s biting his lip, trying to hold back tears that start to well up in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Hiyori says. He doesn’t know why, but something about the situation, something about Jun, makes him admit something vulnerable, something he’s never said out loud before. “I misstep too, sometimes.”

Jun’s eyes go even wider. “Really?” 

“Aren’t we still learning? I think it’s normal.” 

Slowly, Jun nods. He blinks, and a single tear slides down his cheek. Hiyori’s chest clenches, and suddenly he’s overcome with a profound desire to make Jun smile again. He doesn’t like this sad look on Jun’s face. He reaches out to brush Jun’s tear away, rubbing a little at the smudge to remove it, like the servants used to do when he was younger and came into the house with dirt on his face.

“C’mon,” Hiyori says, extending a hand to pull Jun back to his feet. “I’m tired, too. Let’s go to my room and I’ll show you the DVD of my favourite idol group!” 

Hiyori’s chest only unclenches when Jun’s face smoothes out again, the sadness thankfully a fleeting thing that Hiyori was able to fix. 

Hiyori drags Jun into the house and up to his room. If the servants are surprised at this unfamiliar boy showing up, they don’t mention it. Hiyori just tells them that Jun is a friend who’s come to play, and they nod and bow. They don’t bring up the fact that Hiyori has never brought a friend back home.

Well, his parents probably pay them enough for them to not ask questions. 

The servants bring up tea and sweets at Hiyori’s request, and Hiyori puts the idol DVD in the DVD player. He and Jun sit cross-legged on the floor, watching the idol performance together. 

Hiyori has seen this performance so many times that he can dream it by now. He hums along with the lyrics, but soon, he turns his head and watches Jun instead. Jun is leaning forward, his hands on the floor in front of him, and he’s watching the television screen with a rapture Hiyori has never seen on anyone’s face before. There are almost stars in his eyes. 

“Jun-kun! They’re cool, aren’t they?” Hiyori asks, marvelling at Jun’s reaction. 

Jun doesn’t respond. Hiyori doubts he’s even heard him, he’s so engrossed in the idol performance on TV. 

When it’s over, Hiyori nudges him. It’s only then that Jun tears his eyes away from the screen. He looks at Hiyori with his face slack and his cheeks flushed. He looks…beautiful. 

“I wanna be in an idol unit when I grow up, too,” Hiyori lets slip. 

Jun still seems a little dazed, nodding slowly. “Me too. My father was a solo idol, but being in a unit seems more fun. Then you’ll have friends.”

Hiyori nods along enthusiastically. “Yes! Oh, I know. Jun-kun, we should become an idol unit together! You and me. We’d be really good together. You need some practice, but you have potential.”

“Potential?” Jun asks, tilting his head. 

“Yes! Like, you might be good with some practice. I like you. I think you could be my partner!”

Jun’s expression is complicated, some sort of mix between a frown and a smile.

“Are you always like this?” he asks. 

Hiyori pouts. “Like what?” 

“You’re pushy. And very…energetic.”

“Of course!” Hiyori says loudly. “Idols need to have lots of energy. Doesn’t your father have a lot of energy?” 

At that, Jun’s face falls. Hiyori immediately stops smiling. Earlier, when Jun spoke about his father, he got a little sad, too. 

“He used to,” Jun says after a long pause. “These days, he just drinks a lot. The only thing he does, really, is train me to become an idol, every day after school.”

“Oh,” Hiyori says, not really sure how to respond to that. Jun still looks sad. 

They both remain silent for a long moment, and Hiyori struggles to find something else to talk about, something that will make Jun smile again. Maybe he should press play on the idol performance again? Watching that seemed to make Jun happy.

But, Hiyori also still wants an answer to his question. He really wants Jun to be his idol partner. 

After the silence has stretched too long, Jun shifts, angling his body towards Hiyori. 

“Where are your parents?” 

At this, Hiyori’s chest starts to feel cold, like when he eats his ice cream too fast, or when he forgets to bring his umbrella to school and he has to walk to his car through the pouring rain. 

He shrugs, trying to show Jun a nonchalance he doesn’t feel. “I don’t know. They never tell me when they go away.”

“Oh,” Jun says, a complicated look on his face. “Then who makes your food? Or helps you with your homework? Who washes your clothes?”

“The servants do, of course. And I don’t need help with my homework, I’m really smart.”

“Oh, Jun says. “I always struggle with writing kanji. They’re hard.”

“Bring your homework next time,” Hiyori says, happy for a chance to change the subject. “I’ll help you!”

“Next time?” Jun asks. 

That gives Hiyori pause for a moment. “Yeah? If we’re gonna be a unit together, we’ll have to practise lots. And I wanna show you all my idol DVDs!”

“Okay.” Jun smiles that shy smile again, and Hiyori feels so happy he might flow away. Just in case, he grabs Jun’s hand again and squeezes it tightly.

No one’s ever smiled at him like that.

“So,” Hiyori asks. “Will you be in a unit with me when we grow up?” 

Jun’s smile grows wide, too, and his blush deepens. It’s really cute. He nods. “Okay.”

And so their friendship begins. 

Jun starts coming over sometimes on weekday afternoons, after training with his father, or late mornings on the weekend. He brings his homework, and since Hiyori has started helping him with his kanji lessons, he’s been finishing his homework faster. It means more time for dancing and singing or just playing together in Hiyori’s room. It also means Hiyori gets to spend as much time with Jun as possible considering they’re in different schools, which makes him really happy. 

The servants at the Tomoe Estate don’t ask questions, and Hiyori’s parents are never around to notice. It’s only Ren who sees Jun when he barges into Hiyori’s room when Hiyori and Jun are working on the steps to Hiyori’s latest favourite song.

“Oh, Hiyori-kun,” he starts, a teasing lilt in his voice. “Who’s this?”

Hiyori spins around so abruptly that he loses his balance. It’s only because of Jun’s quick reflexes and a hand on his shoulder that he’s able to remain upright. 

Hiyori blinks at his brother. “Aniue?”

Ren is standing in the middle of the room, surprise on his face that he’s trying—badly—to hide. 

“What are you doing?” 

Hiyori hides his hands behind his back as if he has just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“Nothing.”

He doesn’t miss the fact that Jun shuffles to hide behind him, and he realises belatedly that this way, they look like a pair of kids who have been caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing.

But that’s not right. They’re just practising. They’re gonna be idols. The DVD keeps playing in the background, blasting an upbeat melody that Hiyori can’t help but tap his foot to. 

He stands up a little straighter. 

“Shouldn’t you be doing homework or something?” Ren asks, his arms crossed in front of him. “You shouldn’t waste your time on these frivolous things, school is more important, you know that.”

“We’ve already finished our homework,” Hiyori says, biting his lip to hold in the thoughts threatening to spill out. About how idols aren’t frivolous, or a waste of time. About how he wants to become an idol so he can make people smile, and make them happier. Like his brother.

Ren heaves a sigh, looking around the room. When his gaze falls on the pile of books on Hiyori’s desk, and Jun’s school bag next to the two chairs there, his gaze softens a little, his shoulders dropping. 

“I wish I could finish my homework in a single morning,” he says softly, and the resignation in his voice makes Hiyori want to step forward to give him a hug. 

He knows his brother would just push him away, though, and say he’s too old for hugs. His brother is in his final year of grade school, after all. He’s already 12 years old, which is apparently too old for anything fun. 

“So, who’s your friend?” Ren asks. 

“This is Jun-kun.” Hiyori cannot help but smile, a note of pride in his voice.

“Nice to meet you,” Ren says, giving a little bow. “I’m Hiyori-kun’s older brother. My name is Ren Tomoe.”

“Are you an idol, too?” Jun asks, peeking out from behind Hiyori’s shoulder.

Ren blinks for a second, and then he bursts out laughing. 

“Is that what Hiyori-kun told you? That he’s—” 

Hiyori starts to wave his arms, frantically shaking his head. Jun still believes, somehow, that Hiyori really is an idol. Ren can’t ruin the illusion now. 

“No!” Hiyori almost shouts.

Jun shrinks, hiding himself behind Hiyori again. 

“Ah,” Hiyori says, feeling bad for yelling, while Ren is now laughing so hard he’s almost doubled over. “I mean. No, uh, he’s not an idol. He’s just the heir to the Tomoe Foundation.”

“Just?” Ren asks, still laughing, an eyebrow raised cockily. 

He gets himself together enough to approach Hiyori and Jun and ruffles both of their hair. 

“I’m glad you found yourself a friend, Hiyori-kun.”

Hiyori scowls a little. Surely he’s too old now for head pats and hair ruffles. But he can’t talk back; he has to keep Ren on good terms because Ren has to help keep his secret that he’s not really an idol yet. 

“You can come watch us, sometimes,” Hiyori offers. “If you have time for frivolous things every now and then.”

Ren grins, which makes Hiyori smile in return. “I will.”

“Do you want to see?” Hiyori asks, unable to help himself. It’s fun to sing and dance with Jun—really fun. But the reason why he wants to become an idol is to make other people smile. Ren would be really impressed if he saw how good they’ve already become.

“Sure, why not?” Ren says, and he sits down on Hiyori’s four-poster bed in the corner. “Let’s see it, then.”

“Come on, Jun-kun.” Hiyori turns to Jun. Jun still looks shy and a little overwhelmed, but Hiyori puts his hands on Jun’s cheeks and squeezes a little. “This will be our first performance as a unit. Are you ready?”

Jun looks a little pale, and he looks as though he might be feeling nauseous, but it only lasts for a moment. Under Hiyori’s gaze, he takes a deep breath and stands up a little straighter, too. It’s fascinating to see him transform right in front of Hiyori’s eyes.

“I’m ready,” he says, and Hiyori squeezes both of his shoulders for good luck.

They take their places, and Hiyori skips to the right place on the DVD for the song they must’ve practised about a million times by now. He knows it by heart, and he knows Jun does, too. They fall into step almost effortlessly. Jun goes left as Hiyori goes right, and of course Hiyori doesn’t falter at all, getting the timing right down to the second for every single step. But Jun keeps up with him. He’s sometimes half a second slow, but overall, he manages pretty well. Hiyori covers for the times he wavers, and he’s pretty sure Ren won’t be able to tell.

When they’re done, they stand side by side, their shoulders touching and their chests heaving as they catch their breaths. Without looking at each other, they bow simultaneously.

Ren starts clapping, and when Hiyori looks up from his bow, he sees a large smile on his brother’s face. Just like Hiyori wanted. He feels himself break out in a smile too. Overwhelmed with sudden joy, he turns to Jun and wraps his arms around Jun’s shoulders. Jun freezes for a second, his breath hitching in his chest, but when it becomes clear that Hiyori isn’t letting him go, Hiyori feels him relax in his arms. Finally, Jun wraps his arms around Hiyori’s waist in return, putting his head on Hiyori’s shoulder for a moment.

Hiyori doesn’t think he’s ever felt happier.

“You’re not half bad, I guess,” Ren says when Jun eventually steps away from Hiyori. He tilts his head, looking at Jun. “What an interesting boy.” 

Even in the wake of a perfect performance and the pleasant shudder that goes through Hiyori after his hug with Jun, the words cast a shadow across Hiyori’s heart. He puts a hand out as if to shield Jun from Ren’s gaze. His eyebrows draw together. “You can’t have him, Aniue, he’s mine.”

Ren laughs, a bright sound that Hiyori rarely hears from him. “Don’t worry. Having one little brother is quite enough for me. He’s all yours.”

And Hiyori knows, he knows Jun is his own person who probably doesn’t belong to anyone, but Hiyori wants, more than anything, maybe even more than becoming an idol and making people smile, for Jun to be his. His friend, his unitmate, his to train and help and cheer up and play with.

He turns back to Jun, who is already—still—looking at Hiyori. Their gazes meet, and Hiyori can see the happiness in Jun, the shine in his eyes, the idolisation in his demeanour. Jun is a little like a puppy in that regard, following Hiyori’s lead, and going along with almost all of his whims. 

They’ve only known each other for a few months, but Hiyori already can’t imagine a life without Jun anymore.

Yeah, Hiyori thinks. He’s all mine.

After Ren leaves to go back to his homework, Hiyori hugs Jun again, just because of how nice it felt, and how much something inside him is craving the physical contact.

“Stay over tonight. It’s a Saturday. The servants won’t mind, and my parents are gone anyway. Will you call your parents to ask if you can stay over?”

“Okay,” Jun says, just like that. “I’ll ask.”

Jun’s mother says yes, and Hiyori gets to watch Jun’s embarrassed face as she tells him on the phone to behave and listen properly and to not go to bed too late. After dinner—which turns out to be much more fun together with both Ren and Jun—the servants have laid out a spare futon and clean pyjamas in Hiyori’s room.

Hiyori feels almost giddy with excitement as they change into their pyjamas and brush their teeth in the en-suite bathroom. This is the first time he’s ever had someone stay over—the first time he’s ever slept in the same room as someone else, too. He bounces on the heels of his feet as he brushes his teeth and combs his hair, and watches Jun do the same things next to him.

“This is the first time I’m having a sleepover with someone,” Jun says with his toothbrush still in his mouth.

“Me too!” Hiyori says. “It’ll be really fun, don’t you think? It’s already fun. Having dinner with you was nice. Usually I have dinner alone, and it’s really boring. The servants won’t really talk to me, they just put the food on the table and leave me. And when my parents are home, it’s boring too, because they only talk about boring things. Aniue is the only not-boring person around here, but he has to study a lot. I guess that’s boring, too…” Hiyori pauses to take a breath, barely finishing his exhale before he continues. “But now you’re here, so it’s not boring anymore!”

Jun smiles at him, with toothpaste in his mouth. “You always talk so much.” But he doesn’t sound admonishing, like his parents do when they say this to him. He sounds…fond. 

Hiyori beams at him.

Then, when they’ve both rinsed their mouths, Hiyori calls out, “Race you back to my room!”

Hiyori wins, but Jun pouts and whines that Hiyori cheated because he didn’t count down properly and had a head start. He isn’t wrong, but Hiyori is more interested in watching Jun sticking his lip out and glaring than in arguing with him. Just like before, Jun kind of resembles a puppy. He follows Hiyori so obediently, and he is enthusiastic in everything he does, if a little shy at times. He’s perfect, really. And he’s all Hiyori’s.

Nothing is boring when Jun is around.

That’s when it hits Hiyori, as he slips under the covers of his bed and turns on his side, head propped on his elbow to watch as Jun struggles with the large futon cover, but eventually manages to properly get under it. Hiyori’s life was boring, in a way, but that wasn’t really the right word. He was lonely. Even when he was with other people, he felt lonely. He’s lonely at school, surrounded by children who only care about his family name or money—if that. He’s lonely at home, where the servants always keep a respectable distance. He’s even lonely with his parents because they aren’t interested in him—not really. 

But when he’s with Jun, he’s not lonely. Jun cares about him. Jun listens to him. Jun doesn’t ask him what brand his clothes are, or what his father does for a living. Jun never tells him he needs to stand out less, or that he can afford to let his grades fall so he’s not better than his brother. Jun doesn’t mind if he talks a lot. Jun wouldn’t tell him he can’t cry.

As if on cue, Hiyori feels his breath hitch in his chest. Weirdly enough, tears well up in his eyes even though he isn’t sad this time. He’s about to wipe at them when Jun turns on his side to look at him.

“Tomoe-senpai? What’s wrong?”

When Hiyori doesn’t reply, unsure if he’s able to speak around the sudden lump in his throat, Jun sits up. And Jun—his sweet, precious Jun-kun—gets up off the futon and sits down gingerly on the edge of Hiyori’s massive bed. Hiyori wants him closer, wants to wrap him in his arms and let Jun comfort him, and never wants to let him go. Wordlessly, he raises the covers in a silent invitation. Jun hesitates for a moment, biting his lip and flitting his eyes to Hiyori’s and then to the wall next to the bed.

“Please,” Hiyori whispers, unable to hide the tremor from his voice.

Jun, who’s usually so shy, even around Hiyori, doesn’t need any more words than just that one. He gets under the covers and slides forward so Hiyori can wrap his arms around Jun’s waist. When Jun doesn’t tense up and just half-closes his eyes with a shiver, Hiyori shifts so he can bury his face in Jun’s hair. It smells nice, like strawberries, and it’s really soft.

“Why are you sad?” Jun asks.

“I’m not,” Hiyori replies, pulling back to give Jun a watery smile. He rubs at his eyes until they itch. “I’m happy.”

“Oh,” Jun says, a puzzled expression on his face. “You can cry when you’re happy?”

“I don’t know,” Hiyori says. “I think so. But my parents tell me I can’t cry. They say boys don’t cry.”

Jun’s face turns thoughtful. “My father also tells me I can’t cry. Sometimes when I mess up during training, he yells at me, and it makes me sad.”

Hiyori takes in a quick, sharp breath. 

“But when I cry, he yells even louder, and tells me real idols don’t cry.”

“We’re not real idols yet,” Hiyori says, on reflex, upset on Jun’s behalf.

Surprisingly, Jun smiles then, a hint of teasing in it that Hiyori’s never before seen in Jun. “I thought you were a real idol.”

Oops.

Well, Hiyori might as well be fully honest. It’s impossible to lie to Jun when they’re so close he can feel Jun’s warm and moist breath on his face. 

“I’m not a real idol,” he admits. “I kinda, uh. Made that up.”

Jun lets out a giggle. “I kinda figured.”

“What?” Hiyori blurts out.

“I believed you for a little while. But you go to school, and we spend so much time together, and you’ve never performed and you don’t have any real training. So, I kinda figured you weren’t.”

“Oh,” Hiyori says, feeling a little stupid. 

“But I’m sure you will be!” Jun adds quickly. “You’re really good, and you can dance really well, and you’re a really good teacher. And I love your singing.”

Hiyori feels his face heat up at so many compliments in a row—even though he knows it’s all true. It’s nice to hear Jun say it out loud. 

“I don’t care if you cry,” Jun says. “It’s honest. It’s real.”

“I can be, when I’m with you,” Hiyori says.

I can be myself when I’m with you, and only you.

Jun nods, smiling. “I’m glad.”

They fall silent, contemplating the heavy truths they so casually shared between them. 

“I’m sorry your father yells at you,” Hiyori offers after a few minutes of silence, when he’s turned everything over in his head. “I bet real idols don’t yell, either.”

Jun’s eyes widen, and then he nods. “Yeah. He’s not a real idol. Not anymore. I think that makes him angry a lot. He stopped being an idol because his dreams were crushed by another idol, Jin Sagami. That’s why he trains me, so I can be an idol in his place.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Yeah,” Jun agrees. “Most of the time, I don’t mind, though. I want to be an idol. I love idols.”

“Me too,” Hiyori says.

“I’m sorry about your parents, too,” Jun says. “I think boys do cry, and idols cry too, sometimes. I think everyone sometimes cries, if they’re sad.”

“Or happy,” Hiyori adds. “Just now, I was so happy that you’re my friend, and that I’m not alone anymore.”

“Really?” Jun asks. 

“Yeah,” Hiyori says. “I know my parents only had me because they thought my brother wouldn’t be smart enough to take over the family business. But then they decided he’s smart enough after all, and so I’m useless and I only get in the way. No one really wants me.”

“I want you,” Jun says. “Before I met you, I was lonely, too. No one I know loves idols, not like you do. And now we’re friends, and I’m always happy.”

Hearing that makes Hiyori hug Jun close again. “I’m so glad I met you.”

The rest of what Hiyori wants to say sounds too big, too hard to form words around. Jun makes his life so much better. Already, he can’t imagine what his life would be like without Jun in it.

“I’m glad I met you, too,” Jun whispers into Hiyori’s neck.

Not long after, Jun’s breathing evens out. Hiyori falls asleep listening to the steady rhythm of his deep, steady exhales.

Chapter Text

For his ninth birthday, Hiyori begs his parents for a singing teacher. For the past year and a half, he and Jun have been practising to DVDs and online idol videos, but Hiyori knows that if he and Jun really want to get to a level good enough to become true idols, they need more formal training.

He doesn’t really expect his parents to say yes, and he’s more than a little apprehensive about asking them in the first place. From what he gathers from the whispers he overhears from the servants or those scarce moments he sees his father in his study, the family business hasn’t been doing well. Hiyori doesn’t really know what that means. It doesn’t seem to affect him personally, because he still goes to his fancy school, and he still gets to go shopping for expensive clothes whenever he outgrows his current ones. 

Still, he really, really wants singing lessons, and he figures his objective is important enough to force himself to overcome his apprehension about asking.

The first time he asks, he’s flat-out told ‘no’ and that singing isn’t something he should be spending his time on in the first place.

The second time he asks, on the day of his birthday after being given a designer handbag he didn’t ask for, he’s ignored entirely because his parents are more focused on the screens of their phones and talking about what appears to have something to do with money and closing down several cafés.

The third time, on a Saturday morning two weeks after his ninth birthday, Hiyori realises he might need to bring some backup with him, and so he asks Ren to come with him to their father’s study. After all, his parents seem to listen to Ren more than they do to Hiyori. And so Hiyori asks his father again, and Ren mentions that Hiyori has been good recently, and wouldn’t it be nice if he had something meaningful to do in his spare time, and maybe Hiyori becoming an idol would mean more exposure for the family business. Then he bows deeply, and Hiyori quickly follows his example even though he hates bowing.

His father relents after that with a pinched look and a sigh, shooing them away with the promise that he’ll arrange for someone to come to the house once a week for Hiyori’s lessons.

Afterwards, Ren ruffles his hair. “Practice hard, and show me your progress sometimes, okay?”

“Yes, Aniue,” Hiyori says, trying to duck out from under Ren’s hand.

Ever since Ren started middle school, Hiyori has been able to see him even less than before. Moments like this have become sparse, and it almost makes him not want to duck away so Ren can touch him a little more. He misses his brother, but it’s not as if he can do anything about it. He’ll probably see his brother even less when Ren goes to high school next year.

“I have to go back to my homework now, but work hard, Hiyori-kun. Make me proud.”

“I will,” Hiyori nods, and he watches Ren walk away with a smile that he hopes doesn’t look sad.

Back in his room, Hiyori lies back on his bed, trying to regulate all the complicated feelings inside of him. Part of him is happy he’ll be getting the singing lessons he wanted, but it’s hard to be completely happy when he misses his brother, and when his parents barely even look at him.

On the one hand, they give him the things that he wants—food, clothes, toys, and now even singing lessons. On the other hand, they have not once shown interest in what Hiyori really likes. They know about Jun at this point because Hiyori talks about Jun all the time, but besides various comments about how it’s not proper for Hiyori to have friends outside his social circle, and why couldn’t he be more interested in Tenshouin-kun or Suou-kun, they’ve not shown any interest in Jun, either. They tell him that being an idol is useless and that he shouldn’t want to be in the spotlight so much; it reflects poorly on his brother.

But Hiyori doesn’t want to be an idol purely because he’ll be in the spotlight. That’s not what being an idol is about. Idols make people happy. Idols make people smile. It’s hard to remember to smile now though, when his chest feels tight, and when it gets a little hard to breathe deeply enough. This happens sometimes, and Hiyori doesn’t really know how to deal with it, apart from curling himself into a little ball, hiding under the covers, and crying until his eyes are swollen and he falls asleep, exhausted.

Just when he feels himself slipping into a bad headspace, his throat tight with emotion, there’s a soft knock on his door.

Oh, that’s right. Jun was going to come over today, wasn’t he? They had planned a sleepover. Hiyori almost forgot after everything that happened today.

Before Hiyori can school his face back into a more neutral expression, Jun has already opened the door and announced his presence. Jun has gotten much less shy around Hiyori now that they’ve been friends for so long. Hiyori’s birthday was two weeks ago, and so that means he and Jun have been friends for more than a year and a half. And now Jun enters his room without waiting for a reply, where when they first met, he’d always wait to be invited in. That’s how familiar they’ve gotten.

Thinking about that, some of the pressure in Hiyori’s chest eases.

“Oh,” Jun says, as he approaches the bed. “What are you doing? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Hiyori says, out of force of habit.

Jun climbs on the bed with him and nudges Hiyori’s shoulder with his knee. “Don’t lie to me, Tomoe-senpai.”

Hiyori used to like it when Jun called him that. He is Jun’s senpai, even though they’re in the same grade. Hiyori has turned nine years old, and Jun is still only eight. But the suffix creates a distance between them that Hiyori doesn’t want—not anymore.

“I don’t want you to call me Tomoe-senpai anymore,” he blurts out. “I want you to call me something special.”

When Jun doesn’t immediately reply, Hiyori shifts so he can look up at Jun’s face, and sees his brow wrinkled in thought. It’s kinda cute, so Hiyori keeps looking at Jun as he sifts through his thoughts.

“Something special?” Jun asks eventually. “Like what? Hiyori-kun?”

“No,” Hiyori scowls, letting out a huff. He pushes his shoulder against Jun’s knee because it always feels nice to touch Jun. “My brother calls me that. My teachers call me that. I want you to call me something more special. Something no one else calls me.”

Jun lets out a little laugh and sticks out his tongue. “You’re such a spoiled princess. I should call you Ohimesama.”

Jun clearly means it as a joke, but the appellation combined with Jun’s laughter makes butterflies flutter in Hiyori’s stomach. He likes it. He likes it a lot. 

Still, he purses his lips together and tries to sound as nonchalant as possible as he hums in response.

Jun leans forward, a small smirk curling his lips up as he tilts his head to look at Hiyori’s face better. “Oh, you like that.”

Hiyori can’t help it. He blushes and turns on his side, facing away from Jun, pressing his eyes shut. “Do not.”

“Liar,” Jun says gleefully, pressing his knee into Hiyori’s upper back this time. When did Jun get so casual with him? Hiyori should scold him for it, and tell him he was wrong, he’s Jun’s senpai and Jun should continue to address him as such, but he can’t get the words to form over the butterflies that keep fluttering around in his stomach. 

“Ohimesama has too many syllables though,” Jun says, and Hiyori can hear the pout in his voice. “I’ll shorten it, just for you. And I’m not calling you sama. So. What about…Ohiisan?”

For a moment, Hiyori can’t talk around the helium-filled balloon in his chest, the joy spreading through him, the tingle on his skin. No one has ever given him a nickname before.

Hiyori turns onto his back again and opens his eyes to find Jun grinning at him. He looks a little tired, with dark circles under his eyes and a weariness in the way he moves that no eight-year-old should have. He looks like that more often than not when he comes over, but he looks truly happy, too, and his eyes sparkle.

It makes Hiyori smile in return.

Ohiisan.

He likes it. 

“Okay,” Hiyori says.

“Okay,” Jun says. “Ohiisan. Ohiisan. I like it. It sounds like you.”

Hiyori moves his hand, grasping around a little until he’s found Jun’s hand, and presses their palms together. Being around Jun always makes Hiyori feel special. It’s impossible to feel sad around Jun. Hiyori doesn’t know how he does it, but usually just a touch from Jun can lift him from the dark thoughts in his head. The sound of Jun’s laughter, the way he always seems to see Hiyori.

“Now, will you tell me what’s wrong?” Jun asks.

“I don’t know,” Hiyori says. That’s a better reply than Nothing, probably.

“Okay,” Jun says. “Do you wanna figure it out together?”

“My parents finally let me have a singing teacher.”

“Ah,” Jun says. “Isn’t that good?”

Hiyori shrugs as well as he can while lying down pressed against Jun’s side. “Yes. I guess.” Then he sighs, breath hitching in his throat. “I just wish they’d…”

Jun doesn’t ask, or prompt him to finish his sentence. He just squeezes Hiyori’s hand, and Hiyori turns his face so it’s buried in Jun’s hip. When he inhales, he smells the lavender laundry detergent fragrance on his hoodie, something that he’s come to recognise as distinctively Jun. It’s comforting in a way that nothing else ever is.

They just sit in silence for a while, long enough for Hiyori to get his breathing back under control. Long enough for the emotions to settle in his chest. Eventually, he sits up, leaning back against the headboard at Jun’s side, close enough for their shoulders and thighs to touch.

He thinks of Jun’s tired eyes, and he doesn’t really feel like practising.

“Do you wanna watch a movie today?”

Jun nods. “Yeah, okay.”

And they do, Hiyori leaning against Jun’s shoulder, and Jun falling asleep in Hiyori’s lap halfway through. When Jun stays over that night, Hiyori doesn’t even have to ask him to sleep in Hiyori’s bed. Jun steps over the futon spread out for him, and wordlessly gets into Hiyori’s bed, falling asleep with his arm curled over Hiyori’s chest.

When Hiyori’s singing lessons start a few weeks later, Hiyori drags Jun to join him, once a week on Saturday afternoons. His new teacher, a refined woman wearing a navy skirt and a beige blouse, introduces herself professionally. She doesn’t seem fazed at all at Hiyori having brought a friend, and Hiyori figures his father offered her enough money for her to just go along with what he wants.

“Hello, Hiyori-kun, Jun-kun. My name is Takumi Saionji. From now on, I’ll be your singing teacher.”

Of course, Jun bows politely, introducing himself and calling her Saionji-sensei. Hiyori, excited by the prospect of proper singing lessons, follows suit.

“We’re gonna be a unit together when we grow up,” Hiyori adds after their self-introductions.

“That’s nice,” she says.

“We’re gonna be famous,” Hiyori adds.

“Hm-mmm.”

“So we can make people smile.”

Not enough people smile around me, Hiyori thinks. He casts his eyes downwards, towards the toes of his perfectly polished shoes. But then he feels Jun’s warm hand slip into his, and Jun’s fingers squeeze around his.

Hiyori looks up, struggling for a second to focus through the wetness in his eyes that blurs his vision. But then Jun is there, and he’s smiling at Hiyori like Hiyori is the centre of his universe, and it’s like a weight is lifted from Hiyori’s small shoulders, just like that.

Jun-kun smiles at me. That’s enough.

Saionji-sensei’s expression has softened, and she puts a hand on Jun’s and Hiyori’s shoulders. “If you boys work hard, then I’m sure you’ll be able to do it.”

Hiyori smiles and nods. “I will!”

And by his side, Jun nods too. “I will, too!”

“Then, let’s start with the basics.”

As much as Hiyori would like to say his life gets more interesting and closer to what he imagines an idol’s life must be like, that doesn’t particularly happen. He practices his dancing, either alone or with Jun in his room or their usual hanging-out spot—the open space of the garden where they first met. His singing in particular improves a lot with his weekly lessons, as does Jun’s. Jun starts out with a timid voice, even though he received singing lessons from his father before. It doesn’t seem to have improved his confidence a lot, which doesn’t particularly surprise Hiyori with what he knows about the man.

But the more they practice, and the more Saionji-sensei praises Jun’s voice, the better he gets. It makes Hiyori just as proud. He already knew Jun was good enough to be able to stand on a stage by Hiyori’s side, but now other people are seeing it, too.

Jun’s father still trains Jun every weekday afternoon, but ever since Hiyori has started bringing Jun along to his singing lessons, Jun doesn’t have to take lessons with his father during weekend days anymore. The relief on Jun’s face when he tells Hiyori this is evident.

Once summer vacation starts, they spend even more time together. After Hiyori’s family’s obligatory two-week yacht trip across the Seto Inland Sea, Jun comes over just about every afternoon. Thankfully, Hiyori’s summer club activities—his parents made him join the school art club in an attempt to broaden his interests—are during the mornings, and he’s easily able to finish his piano lessons and his school homework before Jun comes over. This means they have all afternoon to play or do as they please every day.

Sometimes, Jun has enough energy to practise some more.

Today is not one of those days; Hiyori can tell the moment Jun enters his room. He’s trying to walk normally, but Hiyori can see his faint limp, and how he favours his left leg. His face looks a little pale, too.

Jun lets himself fall face-down on Hiyori’s bed and grabs one of Hiyori’s teddy bears to hug to his chest—Hiyori’s favourite, the white one with beady black eyes and a button nose.

“What’s wrong?” Hiyori asks, hurrying towards the bed.

Jun moans softly, burying his face in the soft plush of the teddy bear.

Hiyori sits down next to him, lifting a hand to brush the mob of dark hair away from Jun’s forehead. Jun is rarely this quiet around Hiyori anymore. 

“Jun-kun, please tell me what’s wrong.”

Jun shakes his head and sighs. “It’s nothing.”

But his words don’t sound convincing at all.

Hiyori wonders if he should push or not. In the end, he settles for being patient—even though that’s hard. Jun is an honest kid; he will eventually tell Hiyori what’s wrong. And so he keeps stroking Jun’s hair, slowly combing out the little tangles. Jun’s tense posture slowly relaxes.

“I twisted my ankle during this morning’s lesson,” Jun eventually whispers.

Hiyori’s gaze moves towards Jun’s feet. Sure enough, even through his sock, Hiyori can see a slight bulge, his ankle visibly swollen. 

“It didn’t hurt much before, but when I walked to your house, it started hurting more and more.”

Quickly, Hiyori thinks back to what he’s read about dancing-related injuries in an idol magazine. Ice to reduce the swelling. Wasn’t that the best thing to do?

“Hold on,” he says. “I’ll be right back!”

Hiyori rushes to the kitchen, ignoring the frowns of the maids because he’s not supposed to run in the hallways. They don’t dare to tell him off, anyway. There’s ice in the freezer, and he just hauls up the whole bag, alongside a towel because he knows you’re not supposed to put the ice directly on the skin.

Jun is still in the same position where Hiyori left him, and Hiyori quickly sets to work.

“Ice will help your ankle. It’ll be cold for a bit though.”

“Hmm,” Jun just murmurs.

Hiyori wraps a dozen ice cubes in a towel and presses the towel against Jun’s ankle. “We just need to keep it here for fifteen minutes.”

After only a few minutes, Jun twists his upper body so he can look at Hiyori. “It already hurts less.”

“Right?” Hiyori says, beaming. “I’m a genius.”

For some reason, that makes Jun break into a smile, and the earlier weary look on his pale face fades away. Slowly, a little colour returns to his cheeks.

“You can keep my teddy bear,” Hiyori offers generously. “If you want, you can take him home.”

“Really?” Jun asks. He starts stroking the fur with gentle fingers, smiling softly. “My parents never give me any toys. My dad only allows me to have things that are related to idols.”

Hiyori’s face darkens a little, and his fingers curl into the towel holding the ice cubes. “You can play with all of my toys.”

“Thank you, Ohiisan,” Jun says.

After fifteen minutes, Jun’s ankle looks a lot better. More importantly, he doesn’t look like he’s in pain anymore. Still, of course any practice is out of the question.

“Do you wanna go and play in the garden?” Hiyori asks, taking the half-melted ice cubes into his bathroom and throwing them into the bath.

“Okay,” Jun says, because Jun always goes along with everything Hiyori wants.

It’s hot outside, but that doesn’t deter them. Taking their time, they make their way to their usual playing spot at the back of the garden, playing a game of shadow-hopping and laughing as they shove each other dangerously close to the perfectly trimmed rose bushes. Cicadas hum loudly in the background, their song blending with the rustle of leaves in the gentle summer breeze.

Jun’s ankle seems better, at least. He’s not limping or wincing anymore when he puts weight on it. He even challenges Hiyori to a race near the end. Despite all the things Hiyori is better at than Jun, running is sadly not one of them. He loses by a long shot, but it’s not so bad when Jun turns to him and grins widely.

They sit in the shade of the large camphor tree, listening to the cicadas humming, birds singing and the rhythmic flow of the nearby fountain. It doesn’t take long for Jun to close his eyes as he leans into Hiyori’s shoulder. As he’s now done dozens of times before, Hiyori guides Jun’s head down into his lap, and Jun’s breathing quickly evens out so Hiyori knows he’s fallen asleep.

This happens a little less than earlier in the year, but it’s still a little worrying how exhausted Jun gets sometimes from his father’s training sessions. What Hiyori hates most of all is that there’s nothing he can do about it, other than make sure Jun gets some extra sleep when they’re together. 

In his mind, he’s already started planning for what it’d be like if they were old enough to move out and live on their own. Hiyori’s parents have been talking about sending Ren to a boarding school when he goes to high school, and while Hiyori would hate to see his brother leave, this might also mean that maybe his parents would let him go to a boarding school when he’s old enough to go to high school. And maybe if he chooses the right school, Jun would be able to come with him. That way, Jun wouldn’t be around his father anymore, and Hiyori would get to spend all his time with Jun.

It’s a good plan.

Slowly, Hiyori lifts a hand so he can gently stroke across Jun’s hair. It’s matted with sweat, clinging to his forehead, but it doesn’t feel gross at all to touch him like this.

Hiyori really likes being around Jun. It doesn’t matter what they do, really. At first, it was mostly about pretending to be idols together, but over the time they’ve known each other, their friendship has evolved into much more than that. Dancing and singing with Jun is fun, playing with Jun is fun, but just relaxing like this together is also fun. Hiyori feels like nothing can touch them when they’re in their own bubble like this. They should always be together like this. Hiyori feels better when Jun is with him, and he hopes it’s the same for Jun.

Hiyori is still stroking Jun’s hair when Jun slowly starts to shift and blink open his eyes. Hiyori looks at Jun seriously as Jun lifts a hand to rub at his eyes. The tired shadows on his face are still there, but at least they’re a little less visible than before.

“I don’t like it,” Hiyori says, apropos of nothing.

“What…?” Jun says groggily, blinking rapidly against the sunlight filtering through the tree leaves.

“Your father,” Hiyori elaborates. “I don’t like his lessons. You’re always so tired all the time, I don’t like it. And now you twisted your ankle, and he didn’t even notice.”

“Oh,” Jun says, his hand falling to his side, fingers twisting in the grass underneath his palm. “It’s okay.”

“No,” Hiyori says, vigorously shaking his head. “It’s not okay. He should… He shouldn’t…” Upset, Hiyori trails off. 

Who is he to say what other parents should be doing, when his own don’t even take an interest in what he likes? Is that what he wants Jun’s father to be like, instead?

Jun’s face falls a little more, yet after a few moments, he pulls himself together. “It’s okay, Ohiisan, really. My father has already backed off a little lately, because you’ve been letting me come to your singing lessons with you. He can tell it’s been making me better. We only train for like two hours a day. Before, it was way more than that. Sometimes when I ask, he even lets me go early. Besides…”

When Jun remains silent for a moment, Hiyori prompts, “Besides?”

“When I come here afterwards, you always…”

Hiyori holds his breath. His hand stills in Jun’s hair. Jun looks up at him, bashful and soft. Hiyori wants to wrap his arms around him and protect him from the world. He wants to make it so Jun’s father can’t hurt him anymore. He knows he can’t, though. He needs to grow up faster, so he can protect Jun better.

“You make me feel better,” Jun says, so softly that Hiyori has to strain to hear him. “Sometimes when I’m with my father, I get tired, or sad, or angry. But when I’m with you, I don’t feel like that at all.”

Hiyori feels his eyes start to sting, and when he swallows thickly, his throat feels tight. “Jun-kun…”

“So it’s okay, Ohiisan. I can handle it because I know when we’re finished, I can go to you, and I’ll feel better.”

“It’s the same for me,” Hiyori blurts out. “When you’re with me, my emotions don’t feel as big. And I’m not lonely, because you’re with me.”

Jun reaches up, and gentle fingertips brush over Hiyori’s face. “I’m glad.”

“You’re my best friend,” Hiyori says softly.

Jun’s eyes fall closed again as a smile plays on his lips. “You’re my best friend, too.”

“We should always be like this,” Hiyori adds, feeling with all his heart that this is something he wants. “Just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” Jun says. “It’ll always be the two of us.”

Chapter Text

They were wrong.

It wouldn’t always be the two of them.

And Jun realises at ten years old that he shouldn’t have taken for granted the things he thought he’d have forever.

His life isn’t perfect, but overall, it’s not bad either. It could be a lot worse. He could have a life without Hiyori in it, and he doesn’t even want to imagine what that would look like. For one thing, his father would be much more demanding if Jun hadn’t improved so much through the singing lessons Hiyori lets him take with him, or the dance moves they practice together a few times a week. And he probably still wouldn’t have any friends if he hadn’t met Hiyori.

He’s not allowed to join any school clubs because his father says that takes away from the time he should be doing his idol training. And Jun spends most of the time he’s not with Hiyori taking his father’s training sessions. That doesn’t really leave Jun with any time to play with other kids his age, let alone make any friends.

That’s okay though, because he’s got Hiyori.

It’s a Saturday afternoon in early May. It’s warm outside, and Jun is already sweaty from this morning’s training. He’s not really that tired, though. It wasn’t a particularly strenuous lesson, more about technique than stamina. Usually, his father doesn’t make Jun do lessons during weekends, so this morning was an exception.

It’s fine now though, because he’s on his way to Hiyori. Jun skips across the paving stones on his way to the fancy neighbourhood with the large houses, where Hiyori’s home is. Maybe they could watch a movie today. Or maybe they could play outside, because it’s warm enough, and Jun has plenty of energy today. Sometimes they do their dance practice in their own special spot, the one where Jun first met Hiyori. Those are some of Jun’s favourite moments because it feels like it’s just the two of them in the whole world, and no one else can disturb them or hurt them.

Jun takes off his shoes at the entrance of the mansion and makes his way through the many corridors towards Hiyori’s room. The servants he passes smile and sometimes give him a little wave, and Jun waves back. He likes being at Hiyori’s house. It kind of started to feel like home.

But then, when he knocks on Hiyori’s bedroom door and pushes it open, what welcomes him isn’t Hiyori turning his head to welcome him, as he always does.

Instead, Hiyori is on the ground with his back towards the door, and seated cross-legged across from him is an unfamiliar boy with pale skin and long, silver hair in a slightly messy ponytail. The boy’s gaze is focused on Hiyori. Neither of them look at Jun when he enters.

Jun hovers by the door, wondering what he should do. In all the nearly four years that Jun has known Hiyori, he’s never seen Hiyori play with someone else. Hiyori has talked about fancy parties and get-togethers sometimes, and children there that his parents wanted him to be friends with, but Hiyori has always sounded a little disdainful during those stories. Could this be one of those children? 

Jun coughs a little, and finally, Hiyori turns his head and looks at him. The silver-haired boy follows suit, and the amber-red eyes that settle on Jun feel almost otherworldly.

“Oh,” Hiyori says. “Jun-kun.”

“Hi,” Jun says, feeling shy in Hiyori’s company in a way he hasn’t felt in years. 

Hiyori seems almost surprised to see him. But doesn’t Jun always come over on Saturday afternoons? Wasn’t Hiyori expecting him?

“Uhm…”

“Oh!” Hiyori says, belatedly, as if shaken from a trance. “This is Nagisa-kun. They found him a few days ago in a mansion that’s on my family’s land. He’ll be staying with us for a while, until they can find a foster family for him. I’ve been teaching him hiragana.”

“Hiragana?” Jun asks, latching on the only work in the sentence that makes any sense to him. This boy is probably around Hiyori’s age. Shouldn’t he have learned hiragana at school years ago?

“And you know what?” Hiyori says excitedly, ignoring Jun’s question. “Nagisa-kun loves idols, too!”

At this, the boy’s—Nagisa’s—eyes light up. “Idols!”

Slowly, Jun draws a little closer. There are worksheets with hiragana characters on the floor between them, as well as a colourful hiragana chart that Jun remembers from the time he was in first grade.

“Nagisa-kun, this is Jun-kun. He’s my friend, too.”

“Nice to meet you, Jun-kun,” Nagisa says, his words slow and careful, like he’s only now learning how to speak. But that would be impossible…right?

Wait, Jun suddenly thinks. What does Hiyori mean, he’s my friend, too?

“How long have you known each other?” he asks, standing a few feet away, his hands behind his back.

“Since yesterday,” Hiyori says. “But Nagisa-kun and I are already friends. Nice, right?”

Hiyori turns back to Nagisa, pointing to the second column in the chart. “So these are the k-sounds. See? Look at the pictures, they’re all of things starting with ka, ki, ku, ke and ko.”

Jun tries to suppress a pang of disappointment that he doesn’t really understand as sits down on the floor, a little ways away from Hiyori and Nagisa. He watches as Hiyori teaches Nagisa the hiragana characters, row by row, one by one, with a patience Hiyori rarely exhibits around Jun. Hiyori is talking a mile a minute, only pausing for as long as Nagisa needs to answer his questions. Nagisa seems to be really smart. He picks everything up almost immediately, with Hiyori barely needing to repeat himself.

Despite himself, Jun feels intrigued. He leans a little closer, trying to get a better look at Nagisa. He gives off a calm and kind impression, and he looks at Hiyori with bright eyes.

“Why does he not know hiragana?” Jun blurts out when Hiyori and Nagisa have finished the chart. 

Nagisa appears to be really smart, with how quickly he picks up all the characters, so that can’t be it.

Hiyori shrugs. “He was locked away in a house his whole life.”

Jun blinks. “What?”

“He can only speak a little.”

“But Hiyori-kun is teaching me,” Nagisa adds, smiling at Hiyori like he hung the stars and the moon himself. “Hiyori-kun is really kind.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Hiyori replies, putting his hands in his sides and beaming at Nagisa in return.

Something sharp and painful twists in Jun’s stomach as Hiyori and Nagisa look at each other, neither of them even sparing Jun a second glance. It makes him feel small. It makes him feel like when he gets asked a question in class that he doesn’t know the answer to, and some of the other kids snicker behind his back. Or when his father drinks beer after beer in front of the television with unfocused eyes, and Jun has to heat instant noodles in the microwave for his dinner.

Raising his knees and wrapping his arms around himself, Jun tries to make himself as small as possible. 

“Are you gonna teach him more?” Jun asks, his voice quiet.

“Of course,” Hiyori says. “My parents told me to. But even if they hadn’t, Nagisa-kun is my friend now, so I want to help him as much as I can.”

“Of course,” Jun says softly.

“And I’ll teach him how to dance and sing, too, of course. Nagisa-kun wants to be an idol, too. And we can play together, and I think he will soon start attending my school, too, once he’s caught up a little. We might be in the same class!”

Hiyori continues on excitedly, listing all the things he and Nagisa could do together. Watching movies and playing outside in the garden, dancing to idol videos and studying together. Jun presses his forehead into the arms he’s wrapped around his knees.

Those are all things we did together, he thinks, pressing his eyes shut.

“Oh, Nagisa-kun!” Hiyori exclaims suddenly, loud enough to shake Jun from his reveries. “I should show you my latest idol DVDs. I think you’ll like them, too!”

As Jun raises his head in time to see Hiyori bolt upright and rush towards his television, he bites his lip. Ever since he entered Hiyori’s room earlier, he’s been feeling weird. He feels sad, almost, but what is there to be sad about? Hiyori has a new friend, and even though that’s new because Hiyori has never had friends other than Jun before, it’s not something to cry about, is it? Jun feels his eyes prick, and he swallows thickly.

Then a hand touches his shoulder, and he jolts. Jun turns his head to see Nagisa’s amber eyes, which had been focused almost exclusively on Hiyori, now staring right at him.

“Are you sad, Jun-kun?” Nagisa asks, tilting his head.

“I’m not sad.” Jun shakes his head. He can’t be sad. That would be stupid.

“Hiyori-kun taught me about feelings. That people can be happy, or sad, or angry. I didn’t know, before. I always felt the same.”

And Jun’s stomach clenches, but this time not because of seeing Hiyori and Nagisa together. This time, he suddenly realises how lonely Nagisa must have been, if he was alone and locked away for his whole life. Jun feels sad sometimes, when his father gets drunk and yells at him, or when he makes mistakes during practice and hurts his knee when he trips on the wooden dance floor. But that’s nothing compared to what Nagisa must have gone through.

“I’m sorry,” Jun says. And then, after a pause. “I’m glad you have Ohiisan now.”

“Ohiisan?” Nagisa asks, tilting his head.

“Oh,” Jun says. “That’s what I call Hiyori-senpai. It’s a nickname.”

“I see.” Nagisa nods. Then he smiles. “I’m glad to have Hiyori-kun now, too.”

“Nagisa-kun!” Hiyori calls, and when Jun and Nagisa look over, Hiyori has inserted the DVD into his DVD player, starting the concert of his favourite idol group. “Come watch with me. I’ll tell you more about idols, and you can tell me all you know about idols, too!”

Nagisa leaves Jun’s side, and he and Hiyori sit side-by-side in front of the television. Jun could join them, but he doesn’t really feel like it. Hiyori seems to have forgotten that Jun is here, focused as he is on Nagisa. He didn’t even ask Jun to watch the DVD with them, although Jun knows that if Nagisa hadn’t been here, Hiyori would have asked him, instead.

Slowly, Jun picks himself off of the ground. He watches Nagisa and Hiyori for a few minutes. Hiyori points out all of his favourite parts, the steps and the parts where the music picks up, and how the idols have so much stamina that they can perform a whole song without pausing for a single second.

Jun’s stomach starts to hurt from how long he’s been clenching his muscles. He doesn’t belong here, not now. Nagisa has been entrusted to Hiyori. Nagisa needs Hiyori.

As quietly as he can, Jun makes his way towards the door. 

On the way home, Jun kicks against every pebble he comes across. It doesn’t alleviate any of the complicated feelings in his chest. He doesn’t understand.

I should be happy for Ohiisan, so why do I feel so weird about it?

And then, but what if Ohiisan likes Nagisa-senpai more than me?Maybe I’m not as fun or interesting as him?

And then, my head hurts.

Jun barely remembers what his life was like before he met Hiyori. He remembers that one day, he was lonely and unhappy, his mother working long days and his father either drinking or training Jun or both, and the next day, he stumbled into Hiyori’s garden. And after that, his life became infinitely better. Hiyori is demanding and whimsical and his emotions change easily, but he’s also caring, and he’s really fun to be around. When Jun is in school, or doing his father’s lessons, he only has to think about the next time that he will visit Hiyori, and he’ll feel happy and excited.

But now, for the first time in almost four years, he realises he feels lonely again. He’s jealous—of a boy who had a life that was much harder than his, of a boy who is sweet and who’s been entrusted to Hiyori.

Jun kicks against a pebble so hard that it flies against a nearby parked car, leaving a little scratch on the paint. That immediately makes him feel even worse. He starts running, all five remaining blocks until he gets to his house, and he doesn’t stop until he’s raced up the stairs and collapses on his bed, his face buried in his pillow.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Hiyori doesn’t belong to Jun. They were always going to grow up and get other friends. And Nagisa is kind. Jun has no reason to feel upset.

But what if Nagisa-senpai becomes Ohiisan’s best friend? Where will that leave me?

Two months pass. The rainy season arrives, and Jun’s mother buys him waterproof shoes and makes him carry an umbrella everywhere. The air feels heavy and damp and hot all the time.

And around Hiyori and Nagisa, Jun tries to hide his jealousy as best he can. He can’t lose Hiyori. He doesn’t even want to think about what a life without Hiyori in it would be like, and so he pushes all of his feelings down. Thankfully, pushing down the complicated feelings is not always hard, because sometimes playing together with the three of them is not so bad. Nagisa is nice. He’s easy to be around, and he’s eager. He soaks up everything that Jun and Hiyori tell him. 

And so the three of them play with LEGO bricks and board games, they draw and play hide-and-seek around the Tomoe mansion. Things Jun used to do with Hiyori exclusively, but now Nagisa is there, too.

It’s not bad. At least Jun isn’t alone the way he was before meeting Hiyori, but it’s…different. 

Jun tries not to think about it too much. He doesn’t go over to Hiyori’s house as often as before. Before, he used to go over three or four times a week, as often as he had a few hours to spare, and every Saturday and Sunday. He used to beg his mother to let him stay over at Hiyori’s every other weekend until she relented. But now, when he knows that Nagisa sleeps in Hiyori’s room at night, Jun doesn’t want to stay over anymore. He just doesn’t feel like it.

Now, he usually only goes over on Saturday mornings for the singing lessons, and afterwards, Hiyori will drag Jun back to his room, and they’ll play until Jun goes home in time for dinner.

Today is a rare, dry day in mid-July, and Jun takes his bike and cycles to Hiyori’s house. Summer vacation has not yet started, but Saionji-sensei has taken some time off for July Obon, so they don’t have a singing lesson today. Nevertheless, Hiyori insisted they still practice, so they ‘won’t fall behind’, or whatever that may mean.

Even so, what Hiyori wants, Jun complies with, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to see Hiyori—because he always wants to see Hiyori. 

It’s just that navigating being around Hiyori and Nagisa together is hard, sometimes.

He arrives at the Tomoe mansion, where he’s told by one of the housekeepers that Hiyori-kun and Nagisa-kun are playing in the garden.

An anxious feeling slowly creeps into Jun’s mind. The garden of Hiyori’s house is big, and so it’s possible Nagisa and Hiyori are anywhere. Once, Hiyori spent an entire afternoon showing Jun around the whole garden. There is a koi pond with a bridge, and many small, private paths made with stepping stones framed by moss and meticulously raked gravel. There is a tea house, and all over the garden, there are benches to sit and relax.

But one place is Jun’s favourite, one place which belongs to him and Hiyori.

Hiyori wouldn’t take Nagisa there alone…would he?

Jun doesn’t dare run through the mansion’s corridors, but it’s a close thing. Once he’s in the back garden, he puts on his shoes again and runs as fast as he can across all the carefully arranged stones. Past the bushes that he and Hiyori tried to push each other into on the day that Jun hurt his ankle and Hiyori took care of him. Back when it was still just the two of them.

Out of breath, Jun reaches the grass clearing at the back, the one with the large camphor tree in whose shade he fell asleep in on more than one occasion.

The anxious feeling in his chest swells into an unbearable pressure.

Hiyori and Nagisa are playing around in the clearing, just like Jun feared. Hiyori is teaching Nagisa dance steps, the way he used to teach Jun.

Jun hides behind the bushes, suddenly not wanting to be seen. He feels like crying. Watching Nagisa and Hiyori together in the spot where Hiyori used to play with Jun is almost more than Jun can handle. And again, the feelings of disappointment and forlornness are followed by a crushing sense of guilt. Why can’t Jun be happy for Nagisa and Hiyori? Why does it feel so painful to watch them together like this?

All of it is almost too much. Jun doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with all of these feelings. Just when he decides that he just wants to go back home, Hiyori spots him.

“Jun-kun!” Hiyori calls out. “What are you doing, hiding back there? Don’t you want to join us?”

No, Jun thinks to himself as he stands up.

He wants to turn on his heels, run back to the house, and then cycle all the way home, get into his bed and hide under the covers for the rest of his life.

“I was just teaching Nagisa how to do spin turns, so we can use them as a highlight in our choreography.”

“Our choreography?” Jun asks, somehow unable to move closer to Hiyori and Nagisa. The sun is high in the sky, creating a glare that makes him narrow his eyes a little. That’s probably for the best. This way, Hiyori can’t see how close he is to crying.

“Yeah!” Hiyori says cheerfully. “For when we become a unit. I’ve decided we should become idols together, all three of us.”

It’s like someone has thrown Jun into a cold lake at night. Suddenly, he can’t breathe, and his vision turns dark for a moment.

At least now, Hiyori seems to notice something is off with Jun.

“Jun-kun?” he asks, taking a step forward.

There’s a strange haze before Jun’s eyes, and it’s like every emotion inside of him collides, like toy cars all crashing into each other. 

“Didn’t you want to be in a unit with me?” he snaps. He’s never snapped at Hiyori before. He doesn’t even feel bad about it, he just feels so angry all of a sudden, as if that’s what all the emotions together add up to. There’s nothing but red-hot anger inside of him.

Hiyori just stands there, his mouth falling open. He doesn’t answer Jun, and somehow that makes Jun even angrier.

“Fine, see if I care. All of this is stupid anyway. Have fun with Nagi-senpai, I don’t wanna be in an idol unit with you anymore. None of this means anything anyway. It’s childish. Frivolous. A waste of time.”

It’s a little unfair, maybe, to throw these words into Hiyori’s face when he knows that it’s what Hiyori hates hearing most. But a large part of Jun just wants to hurt Hiyori, the way Jun feels just so hurt right now.

Hiyori just stares at him, tears welling up in his eyes. Nagisa comes up to stand next to him, taking Hiyori’s hand. The sight makes Jun clench his fists. Hiyori’s breath shudders when he exhales, and the way he looks at Jun would have broken Jun’s heart if anger hadn’t curled around it like a steel shield.

Hiyori doesn’t yell. He doesn’t raise his voice when he says, “I just want Nagisa-kun to be happy.”

Those words pierce the shield around Jun’s heart, and it’s like all of the tension drains out of Jun’s body, leaving him shaking, his shoulders hunched. It’s impossible to argue with that. He, too, wants Nagisa to be happy.

But what about me…

He turns around and starts running back the way he came from. He ignores Hiyori’s and Nagisa’s “Jun-kun!” behind him. He just wants to be alone. He doesn’t want anything to hurt him anymore. He runs through the garden, and around the house, and then he rides his bicycle home as fast as he can. If he just keeps going, keeps pushing his body as fast as it can go, he doesn’t need to think about the way Nagisa held Hiyori’s hand, or the tears in Hiyori’s eyes. He doesn’t have to think of the anger and sadness in his chest. 

There’s no one at home when Jun arrives back at his house, which is probably for the best. He races up the stairs until finally he makes it to his bedroom and gets under the covers of his bed. Finally, he can hide. He curls onto his side, knees drawn up. After hesitating for a few seconds, he grabs the teddy bear he received from Hiyori years ago from the corner of the mattress and hugs it to his chest. Jun named the bear Ohiisan, although he never told Hiyori this.

His father would say he’s too old for teddy bears, but thankfully his father never comes into his room. Only his mother does sometimes, when she doesn’t have work, when she can tuck him in and read him a bedtime story. She likes the bear. She said it’s cute.

Finally, Jun lets the tears come. Slowly at first, silent tears trickling down his face onto the pillow. But once he starts, he can’t stop. He cries harder and harder, until his body is shaking with sobs. 

Outside, it starts to rain again.

Jun doesn’t know how long he remains hidden under the covers like this. It could be minutes, or it could be hours. With the rain as bad as it is, the sun is completely gone from the sky, and so there’s no way to tell. Not that it matters anyway.

Jun just threw away everything good in his life, just like that. There’s no way Hiyori will want to be friends with him anymore after all the awful things Jun said to him. Jun can’t even blame him. Now that the anger has ebbed away, and there’s only sadness left inside of him, he feels stupid and guilty.

Why can’t he just be happy for Hiyori and Nagisa?

Finally, Jun’s tears run out. His nose and eyes feel swollen, and he’s left shivering and cold, despite the warm humidity of the room.

What should he do? If he apologised to Hiyori, would Hiyori even want to hear him out? Hiyori is so protective of Nagisa, and for good reason. Jun would understand if Hiyori wouldn’t ever want to see him again.

Maybe Hiyori would want his teddy bear back, too. Jun hugs the bear closer to him, squeezing as hard as he can. This might be the only memento he’ll be able to keep from Hiyori. That thought almost makes him want to cry again.

Suddenly, there’s a quiet knock on Jun’s bedroom door. Before Jun can properly process it—he thought he was home alone—or decide how to respond to it, he hears the door creak open. It must be his mother because his father never comes into his room. Suddenly eager for a hug and a comforting pat on his head, he turns around, lifting the covers a little.

But it’s not his mother.

Hiyori stands barefoot in the centre of the room, his arms stiffly by his side. His hair is completely soaked, rainwater dripping from his curls in little rivers. His shorts and polo shirt are dry, so he must’ve worn a raincoat and not taken an umbrella. 

Jun’s breath hitches in his throat.

“The front door was unlocked,” Hiyori says timidly. “I didn’t know if you wanted to see me, so I came up without asking. I’m sorry.”

Slowly, Jun pushes himself up into a seated position. He rubs his eyes with one hand, curling his other arm around the teddy bear.

“What are you doing here?” His voice sounds rough, like sandpaper.

“Do you want me to go?” Hiyori asks.

“No!” Jun exclaims quickly. “Please don’t go.”

“Okay,” Hiyori says, taking a few steps closer. His footsteps are hesitant, the floor creaking softly with each step. “You kept my teddy bear.”

Jun nods. “Of course. It was a gift.”

Without waiting for an invitation, Hiyori sits down on Jun’s bed. He looks around Jun’s room for a few moments, taking in the small space—the idol posters on the wall, the tiny desk with study books on the corner. The messy pile of sports clothes on the floor. Belatedly, Jun realises this is the first time Hiyori has been in his house. Jun never wanted to invite him before, knowing that compared to Hiyori’s standards, it wouldn’t amount to much. Not to mention that he didn’t want his father to ever meet Hiyori.

Finally, Hiyori turns to look at him. 

“Were you crying?”

“No,” Jun lies. “It’s just rain on my face.”

“No, it’s not,” Hiyori says simply, factually. The way he always seems to know everything better. 

Jun sighs. “No, it’s not,” he agrees. “Where’s Nagi-senpai?”

Hiyori averts his eyes for a moment. “Back home. I came here alone. Nagisa-kun told me I should go and see you.”

“Oh,” Jun says. Does that mean Hiyori didn’t really want to come and see him? Did he only come because Nagisa told him to?

Hiyori must’ve heard something in Jun’s voice because he immediately turns his gaze back to Jun. “Not like that. I wanted to see you, too. But I… I didn’t know if you wanted me to…”

Jun shifts the teddy bear in his grip, so he can wrap both of his arms around it. “Why?”

“Why…?”

“Why did you want to see me? I said all those awful things to you.”

“Well, yeah,” Hiyori says. He looks a little sad, but then he shrugs. “But I still wanted to see you.”

“I didn’t mean any of it,” Jun says, and apparently he still hasn’t cried enough today, because he feels the familiar burn in his eyes and his throat again. “I’m sorry, Ohiisan. I’m really sorry. I don’t think wanting to be an idol is frivolous or a waste of time.”

Hiyori moves suddenly, throwing his arms around Jun’s shoulder before Jun has realised what’s happening. The impact knocks them both backwards, into the messy, rumpled duvet.

Jun suddenly realises that this is the first time he has been alone with Hiyori in over two months. They used to be alone together all the time. Jun wraps his arms around Hiyori’s waist, the teddy bear pressed snugly between them. 

He’s missed this.

“Idiot,” Hiyori says, but he clings tightly to Jun and so the word doesn’t sting. Besides, Jun kind of deserves it. “I’m sorry, too. I upset you, didn’t I?”

Jun doesn’t know what to say. Yes, Hiyori upset him, but it wasn’t really something Hiyori did on purpose. Hiyori loves idols, and he loves Nagisa. He’s enthusiastic and bright and caring, and all of those things are what Jun loves about Hiyori. He can’t blame him for any of it.

“I sometimes feel like you don’t like me anymore,” Jun whispers, barely loud enough to be heard with the rain still lashing against the window.

“I do like you,” Hiyori says unhesitatingly.

“But Nagi-senpai…”

Hiyori is silent for a long moment. “I like him, too. He’s my friend, too.”

Jun nods into Hiyori’s shoulder. “I like Nagi-senpai, too.”

“Were you jealous?” Hiyori asks.

Hiyori seems to take the fact that Jun doesn’t reply as confirmation.

“I’m sorry, Jun-kun,” Hiyori says. “You’re always just there. I’m sorry I took that for granted. I don’t even really remember what it was like before I met you, but I know I was lonely. And you must’ve been lonely, too, when I spent so much time with Nagisa-kun.”

Jun nods again.

“I won’t take you for granted anymore,” Hiyori says. “But I also want all three of us to become friends. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Jun pulls back just enough so he can look Hiyori in the eye.

He still likes me, Jun thinks to himself. For some reason, that thought makes butterflies flutter in his chest, making him feel light, as if he could just float away if Hiyori wasn’t holding onto him.

They lie together on Jun’s bed, facing each other with their arms still around each other and their legs tangled. The rain outside isn’t letting up, and Hiyori’s damp hair is making an even bigger mess of Jun’s duvet, but Jun can’t help but feel giddy. Hiyori’s full attention is on him. Hiyori is smiling, and his cheeks are tinted pink, and the longer they look at each other, the pinker they get.

“Do you wanna stay over at my house tonight?” Hiyori asks eventually, a little timid in a way Hiyori usually never is. “Nagisa-kun always sleeps on the futon. But you can sleep in my bed, like you used to do.”

The butterflies in Jun’s stomach swoop excitedly. His cheeks suddenly feel warm, too, although he doesn’t quite know why. The fact that Nagisa sleeps on the futon, but Jun is allowed in Hiyori’s bed makes him feel special.

“Okay,” Jun says.

After this, the three of them find a new, better balance. Hiyori divides his attention between Jun and Nagisa, and Jun starts coming over as often as he used to do. Sometimes he feels the cold tendrils of jealousy in his chest again, but when that happens, he will sit at Hiyori’s side, and Hiyori will touch his shoulder or pat his head, and that makes Jun feel better again.

And Nagisa becomes Jun’s friend, too. It’s impossible not to like Nagisa, and none of this is Nagisa’s fault. Nagisa is the sweetest boy Jun has ever met, and he finds himself caught up in Nagisa’s otherworldly aura more and more. One day in late autumn, when Hiyori is busy with an essay, Nagisa announces that he’s going outside to collect rocks, and he asks Jun to come with him.

Jun follows Nagisa into the garden of the Tomoe mansion, and together they look for pretty stones. Nagisa’s speech has gotten much better, although he still sounds a little stiff and formal at times. He goes to the same school as Hiyori now, and Hiyori proudly tells everyone who will listen how many kanji Nagisa has already learned, or which books he’s reading now.

“If I wasn’t going to be an idol,” Nagisa tells Jun in a hushed voice, as if he was letting him in on a secret. “I would want to be an archaeologist.”

“That would really suit you,” Jun says.

“What about you?” Nagisa asks. “What would you want to be if you weren’t going to become an idol?”

That’s a question Jun has never thought about. From the day he was able to walk, his father was making plans for Jun’s idol future. He’s never had a say in it. He doesn’t even really know what he likes other than idol activities.

But then…

“A runner,” Jun says, and finds that the answer surprises even himself. Recently, he’s started going on runs in the mornings during weekend days, and he really likes it. Being out of the house, away from other people, makes him feel free and like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“I think you’d be a great runner,” Nagisa says, and he smiles kindly at Jun.

They collect so many stones that their pockets are soon overflowing. They end up at the tea house in the garden and sit down on one of the benches. Nagisa takes out some of the stones and holds them up into the light.

“They’re so pretty…”

Jun nods.

“Are you not feeling sad anymore?” Nagisa asks suddenly, turning to Jun. “You said you weren’t sad, on the day that we met, but I think you were. Because Hiyori-kun wasn’t paying attention to you like he used to.”

For a boy who’s not been around people much, Nagisa is too astute for his own good, Jun thinks.

“I’m not sad anymore,” he tells Nagisa. “I’m sorry I hurt you and Ohiisan that day in the garden.”

“It’s okay,” Nagisa says gently. “I’m sorry I came between you and Hiyori-kun.”

“No,” Jun says vehemently. “Don’t apologise. I’m glad you’re here. I like you. Ohiisan likes you, too.”

“I like you too, Jun-kun.” Nagisa smiles. “And I like Hiyori-kun, too.”

“Things change, right?” Jun asks, kicking his feet back and forth. “I know that now. We’re all gonna grow up, and things are gonna change even more. That’s no reason to feel sad.”

Nagisa nods. He turns to Jun, the look in his eyes serious. “Soon, I will be adopted.”

Jun blinks. “What?”

“I was always going to be here for a short amount of time. The Tomoes have been very kind to me, but they found a family that is willing to adopt me. They live a few hours away from here.”

“You’re going to leave?”

Now that Jun thinks about it, he does remember Hiyori saying something along these lines on the first day he met Nagisa.

“Yes,” Nagisa states simply. 

“Why?” Jun says. “Can’t Hiyori’s parents take care of you?”

“They already have two sons to look after,” Nagisa says. “They were already kind enough to let me stay here for as long as they have.”

Jun bites his lip.

“I’m going to miss you and Hiyori-kun,” Nagisa says, bringing a hand to rest on Jun’s shoulder. “But we’ll meet again. We’re going to be idols together, aren’t we?”

Jun nods, unable to speak past the heavy feeling in his throat.

“Take care of Hiyori-kun for me, after I’m gone. I think he’s going to be really sad.”

“Aren’t you?”

Nagisa shakes his head. “I don’t really know how to have feelings yet. But I think it’s good that I’ll have my own family.”

“Ohiisan and I can be your family!” Jun exclaims, even as he knows that’s not really true. They’re still kids. They can’t take care of Nagisa, the way he needs to be taken care of.

Nagisa seems to have the same thoughts. He squeezes Jun’s shoulder, and silence falls between them.

“Okay,” Jun says eventually. “I’ll take care of Ohiisan. But you’d better make sure you keep singing and dancing, and training to be an idol. Then we’ll see you again.”

“I promise,” Nagisa says.

Two months later, all the adoption papers have been finalised, and Jun and Hiyori hug Nagisa goodbye in the entrance hall of the Tomoe mansion.

“I’ll remember my promise,” Nagisa tells Jun, as he hugs Jun tightly. “I’ll keep practising hard.”

“Me too,” Jun whispers into Nagisa’s neck, the words low so that Hiyori can’t hear them. “I’ll take care of Ohiisan, I promise.”

Hiyori is too heartbroken to say anything, and so after Hiyori hugs Nagisa goodbye, Jun just holds his hand as Nagisa heads for his adoptive father and mother. They look like nice people. They hug Nagisa, and their hands run tenderly across his hair. Nagisa smiles at them, and Jun sees Hiyori turn his gaze away. 

Jun watches the scene unfold, his own heart tightening in his chest. He wants to say something to Hiyori, anything to make this better, but the words won’t come. And even if they would, he doesn’t dare to say anything with Hiyori’s parents standing so close. They’re already frowning as they notice Jun’s and Hiyori’s hands clasped together.

“Bye, Nagi-senpai,” Jun says, as Nagisa gives them a final wave as he and his adoptive parents move toward the door.

Hiyori doesn’t say anything. As the front door falls closed, he tugs his hand out of Jun’s grasp. Before Jun can react, Hiyori bolts up the stairs, the sound of his hurried footsteps echoing in the large entrance hall. Jun turns around in time to see Hiyori’s head ducked low, his shoulders trembling. As Jun watches him go, a sinking feeling settles deep in his stomach.

Jun hesitates, glancing towards Hiyori’s parents, but they seem unfazed by anything that just transpired, just talking quietly amongst themselves.

“We really need to teach Hiyori-kun to show more restraint. He’s too old to be making a scene like this,” Hiyori’s mother says.

Upstairs, Jun hears the muffled thud of a door slamming shut, and he winces.

“Excuse me,” he mutters quietly to Hiyori’s parents. Then he takes a deep breath and follows Hiyori up to his room. When he reaches the door, he pauses, his hand hovering over the handle.

“Ohiisan,” he says softly. “Can I come in?”

Inside, there’s only silence. Then, a quiet sniffle breaks through.

It’s not a yes, but Jun takes it as affirmation anyway. Besides, he made a promise to Nagisa. And he wants to comfort Hiyori, the way Hiyori has comforted him so many times before, when he was sad, or tired, or hurt.

He pushes the door open and immediately spots Hiyori curled up under the covers in his bed, a small lump in his large four-poster bed. 

“Hey,” Jun says as he sits down on the mattress. “We’ll see Nagi-senpai again.”

Hiyori doesn’t reply, but Jun hadn’t expected him to. Quietly, he lifts the covers and slides underneath them, into Hiyori’s space. There’s a beat during which Jun thinks Hiyori is going to kick him out, but then Hiyori latches onto him with all four limbs, and he starts crying in earnest.

“There, there,” Jun says, rubbing one hand up and down Hiyori’s back. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

Hiyori shakes his head, but whatever words he wants to say get lost amidst the sobs wracking his body. 

“You’re not alone,” Jun says, rambling a little, just saying the words that come into his head. “I’m here. I won’t leave you. I promise.”

“Jun-kun,” Hiyori whispers, holding him tighter.

“I’m here,” Jun repeats. “You can cry as much as you need to.”

Jun whispers reassurances and soft words in the space between them, thinking of what Hiyori’s mother said about him. How his parents don’t want Hiyori to cry, thinking that being a perfect son means not showing any emotions. But Hiyori has so many emotions, and Jun thinks all of them are good. Jun likes that Hiyori’s emotions overflow so easily, and that Jun is able to read him so well because of it. Hiyori cares so much, and it makes him who he is. He cares about Jun-kun, and he cares about Nagisa-kun, and his brother, and even his parents. He cares about becoming an idol, so he can make everyone smile.

Jun wants to be by his side, so Hiyori can share his emotions with him and won’t have to hide them. Jun wants to offer Hiyori a place where he can feel safe. He wants to comfort him when he’s sad and share in his joy when he’s happy.

“I’ll watch over you,” Jun whispers. “I look after you. I promise.”

Eventually, exhausted, Hiyori falls asleep in Jun’s arms.

Chapter Text

Hiyori isn’t really sure when he became aware of his feelings for Jun changing.

It was some point after he started middle school, around his thirteenth birthday. Not much had changed between him and Jun after they started attending middle school, so Hiyori wasn’t entirely sure why he caught himself staring at Jun for longer periods, and thinking things he’d never really thought with this much intensity before, like, he’s really very pretty, or I want to be closer to him, or he makes me so happy.

Hiyori tries to brush it off as part of their newfound closeness after Nagisa left, even though part of him knows that these two things are not entirely related. Even back when Nagisa was here, Hiyori knew, deep down, that the way he felt about Nagisa was different from the way he felt about Jun. His emotions were just as deep, and he loved both of them just as much, but sometimes when he touched Jun, he felt butterflies, and his heart started racing a little uncomfortably. He’s never felt that way around Nagisa.

For weeks after Nagisa’s farewell, Jun came to Hiyori’s house every day and did whatever he could to comfort or distract Hiyori. And while Hiyori had to put on a mask in front of his parents, pretending that he was fine and that Nagisa's leaving didn’t upset him, he was able to grieve around Jun. Jun never judged him, and he hugged him when Hiyori was sad, and little by little, Hiyori adjusted to the void left by Nagisa’s absence.

He still thinks about Nagisa almost every day, but it doesn’t really hurt anymore.

Maybe that’s why he’s suddenly become so aware of how he feels around Jun, now that his mind is no longer occupied with sadness. Instead, it seems to have increased his awareness of Jun almost all the time. Jun doesn’t seem to have noticed that Hiyori sometimes blushes around him and tries to go out of his way to make Jun laugh or smile. Jun sleeps over almost every weekend now, and whenever he does, they still sleep in the same bed. Except these days, Hiyori’s heart races a little when Jun lies so close to him, and it takes him forever to fall asleep on Saturday evenings.

That’s okay though. It’s more than worth it for being so close to Jun.

The boys in Hiyori’s class start talking about girls, and bragging about going on dates or getting girlfriends. Hiyori never felt any closeness to his classmates in grade school, and being in middle school hasn’t changed that. He doesn’t really have any friends in school, which doesn’t bother him. He’s got Jun, and that’s enough. But all this talk about girls makes him feel even more of an outsider.

He’s never even looked at a girl twice. When in the changing room after PE class, the other boys talk about girls they find attractive, but Hiyori just feels indifferent. When they ask Hiyori what kind of girls he likes, Hiyori hides his discomfort by boasting about liking girls with long dark hair and pretty eyes. Thankfully, the conversation then moves on, and Hiyori can try to push away the feelings of awkwardness about this topic that keeps coming up. 

Instead, he notices the smiles of some of the other boys, or their voices, or how some boys are pretty in a way that gives him a fluttery feeling.

None of that comes even close to what he feels around Jun, though.

Hiyori has always wanted to impress Jun, wanted Jun to like him and admire him. He’s always wanted to be close to Jun. That’s not really changed. But the intensity of his feelings definitely has.

When Jun comes over next Saturday, Hiyori plans to spend the entire afternoon playing video games with him. He knows Jun likes video games but isn’t allowed to play them at home. And so, even though Hiyori doesn’t really care about video games at all, he begged his parents for a PlayStation, as a reward for doing well in school, and because his brother got one, too, for doing well in his end-of-term exams.

Ren is in his final year of high school, and next year he’ll be going to university to study something business-related. Hiyori doesn’t see him much anymore, although he talks to Ren on the phone about once every month. Ren tells him to be good, that they’ll see each other on their yearly summer cruise, and that one day, they’ll be able to talk more again, after Ren has passed his university entrance exams.

The Tomoe family business has been doing better recently, and his parents seem pleased by how well-behaved Hiyori has been around them these days, so he receives the PlayStation he asked for.

Hiyori spends all week when Jun isn’t around practising his new fighting game in secret, determined to impress Jun with his skills. Each night, the soft glow of the TV screen lights up his bedroom as he memorises combos and perfects his timing, his fingers growing faster with every session. So when, after their weekly singing lesson, Jun follows Hiyori up to his bedroom, Hiyori feels confident and ready.

He grabs the pillows off his bed to create a cosy space with a neatly arranged gaming set-up on the floor in front of his television. He puts the drinks he grabbed from the kitchen on a low table, and places the snacks he had gotten from the konbini earlier this week next to them. He got a lot of strawberry candies because he knows Jun likes those the best.

“Wow,” Jun says, when Hiyori sets up the game, making a show of going through the menus quickly and confidently. “I didn’t know you liked video games, too?”

I don’t, really, Hiyori thinks. I just want to do something with you that you really like.

“Of course I do,” he says. “All boys like video games.”

Jun looks at him dubiously for a second, but he doesn’t say anything more when Hiyori presses a controller in his hands. 

“Don’t worry though,” Hiyori says with a grin. “I’ll go easy on you.”

Jun breaks into a smile. “Oh, you’re on.”

For a second, Hiyori’s heart skips a beat. There were periods when Jun didn’t smile as much. When he was exhausted all the time from his father’s training every day, or when they were recovering from Nagisa leaving. But these days, Jun smiles so much around him. Hiyori likes it. The soft afternoon glow filtering through the curtains makes Jun look as if he’s glowing, his teeth showing and his eyes sparkling as he looks at Hiyori.

Hiyori casually leans closer, bumping his shoulder into Jun’s. 

“Maybe I won’t go easy on you after all,” he says.

“Even better,” Jun replies.

As Hiyori starts the first round. He picks the pretty dark-haired anime character that looks a little like Jun as his character, and Jun picks a blond, kinda buff guy with spiky hair. As the loading screen shows, Hiyori shifts, so he’s sitting as close to Jun as he thinks is still acceptable. 

Since Hiyori has been practising, and Jun has never played this game before, Hiyori is able to show off the special kicks and punches that he’s already memorised. He looks sideways at Jun after a perfectly executed combo to see Jun’s response.

“No fair,” Jun whines as his character is yeeted off-screen and his health bar drops to zero for the third time in a row.

“Told you I’m good,” Hiyori grins, puffing up his chest. He then jostles Jun lightly. In response, Jun leans in, too, pushing his shoulder into Hiyori’s with enough force that it sends Hiyori toppling into the pillows.

Something light swells within him at the contact, and he feels like a helium balloon floating into the air. 

“I’m perfect,” Hiyori laughs, feeling the happiest he’s felt in a long time.

“No, you’re not,” Jun grumbles, but he still offers a hand to pull Hiyori into a seated position again.

“You’re just jealous,” Hiyori says.

“Am not,” Jun says, a determined look on his face as he looks back towards the television. “Again.”

“Sure, sure,” Hiyori says, loading up the character selection screen again. 

He loves seeing Jun so fired up. Jun is focused and determined during dancing and singing, but it feels different now when they’re just playing around. There’s a playfulness between them that isn’t really there when they’re pretending to be idols, as much as they both love that, too. Now they’re just two boys having fun together, with no end goal and no stakes involved.

“Here,” Hiyori says, offering Jun the last strawberry candy. “I know they’re your favourite.”

“Oh,” Jun says, surprise temporarily making his face go slack. He smiles again as he takes the offered candy, their fingers brushing. “Thank you. That’s nice of you.”

“It’s nothing,” Hiyori says, but his heart skips a beat, and excitement buzzes under his skin.

“Don’t think this is going to make me go easy on you, though,” Jun says, popping the candy in his mouth. “I know you practised this game without me. But I think I’ve got it now.”

Their next match gets intense, with both of them playing to win. Hiyori tries all of the moves he’s been getting better at this past week, but Jun wasn’t lying. He’s already picked up a lot of the special combos as well, and he’s able to land more hits than Hiyori. Hiyori’s health bar is almost down to zero when he tries and fumbles what would have been a perfectly executed final move.

Instead, Jun blocks the hit and then makes his character punch Hiyori’s character off the screen, earning him the victory this round.

“Whoo!” Jun yells. He laughs, throwing both of his hands into the air. “I did it!”

Hiyori turns to look at him, pouting, but finds he can’t find it in himself to be disappointed. Not when Jun looks like that, turning to look at Hiyori with a bright grin on his face. Jun is always so composed and considerate. It’s rare to see him looking like this.

Hiyori smiles, his heart swelling with affection.

He grabs Jun’s arm and lets himself fall backwards into the pillows, dragging Jun along with him. The laughter dies down between them as the adrenaline from that final match ebbs away. Then, they’re just lying on their backs, looking at each other and smiling.

Hiyori slides the hand that is still wrapped around Jun’s arm down, over the bare skin of his elbow and his wrist, until he can slide his fingers into Jun’s. Gently, Jun squeezes his hand.

I wish we could always be like this, Hiyori thinks.

The upbeat tune from the game’s title menu sounds in the background, but Hiyori is just focused on Jun, and the way Jun looks at him, and the way Hiyori’s heart is pounding. 

Now that Hiyori thinks about it, Jun never talks about girls. Maybe it’s because he’s younger than Hiyori? Hiyori turned thirteen two months ago, but Jun won’t turn thirteen until March next year. Maybe Jun just isn’t interested in girls yet?

“Don’t you want a girlfriend?” Hiyori blurts out, regretting the words that leave his mouth almost immediately. He doesn’t want to know. He just wants Jun at his side. But he can’t really take the words back now without looking stupid.

“What?” Jun says, blinking in surprise. 

“All we do is practice and hang out together. You don’t have time to meet girls, do you?” Hiyori hears himself talk, but for some reason, he’s unable to stop the words from coming out.

You’re mine, he thinks. I don’t ever want you to look at a girl.

“Why would I wanna meet girls?” Jun says, frowning.

“Why wouldn’t you?” Hiyori says, trying not to sound bitter. All the boys at school want to meet girls. Hiyori is different, he knows that, but Jun might not be.

“Idols aren’t allowed to have girlfriends anyway,” Jun says, shrugging a little.

That’s not what I meant, Hiyori thinks, frustrated. Ugh, Jun is so dense.

But I love him anyway.

I love him.

Oh.

The realisation hits Hiyori like a tidal wave, sudden and overwhelming. He can’t believe he didn’t see it before. Or maybe he did, but part of him didn’t want to acknowledge it. His breath hitches, his chest tightening with something big and warm.

He loves Jun. Not in the way he loves Nagisa or his brother. This is different. Bigger. It’s the way Jun’s smile makes him feel happy and giddy. It’s the way Hiyori notices every little detail about Jun—the slight crinkle in his nose when he’s focused, the way his hair falls messily into his eyes, the way he always smells faintly of lavender soap and summer.

It’s the way just being near Jun makes everything feel brighter, sharper, and real in a way nothing else in his life does. The way he doesn’t like the idea of Jun ever being with someone else.

And now, Hiyori can’t unsee it, can’t unknow it.

And Jun, still lying next to him, looks back at Hiyori as if nothing monumental has just shifted. But Hiyori feels as if the whole world has tilted on its axis. His cheeks burn, his fingers twitch against Jun’s, and his heart thuds so loudly he’s sure Jun must hear it.

What do I do now? The thought bubbles up, stark and urgent, but no answer follows.

“What’s wrong?” Jun asks.

“Nothing,” Hiyori lies, his voice softer than he intended. “I—I’m just…thinking.”

“About what?” Jun asks, utterly oblivious to the thoughts racing through Hiyori’s head.

“Just…” Hiyori says, swallowing. His mind is a blur. “I’m glad that we’re friends.”

It’s the truth, even if it’s not the whole truth.

It’s enough for now. 

Jun blinks, caught off guard for a second, but then his smile follows easily, and he squeezes Hiyori’s hand. “Me too.”

Some of the whirling thoughts in Hiyori’s mind quiet down at Jun’s smile, at his easy response. Hiyori lets himself smile, too, which is always easy around Jun. This newfound realisation is a secret he’ll keep, for now. He doesn’t want anything to change between them. Things are perfect the way they are, and he doesn’t want to risk throwing off their easy equilibrium. 

And yet…

Hiyori thinks about the boys in his class, talking about girls and dates, going to the cinema or an aquarium. A date with Jun sounds fun. They could probably do that. He doesn’t have to tell Jun it’s a date; it’ll just be them having fun together somewhere. They’re in middle school now, and his parents are gone more than they’re home anyway. He doesn’t ever ask them permission for something. 

“Next week, do you wanna go to an aquarium together?” Hiyori asks.

“Can we?” Jun asks, his eyes widening. “I’ve always wanted to go to an aquarium.”

“Then,” Hiyori says, pleased with himself for the idea. “Let’s go next Sunday.”

“Okay,” Jun says happily.

Since this is a weekend when Jun isn’t sleeping over, they’ve arranged to meet at the train station early Sunday morning. Jun is always happy to get to spend time with Hiyori, but today feels extra special. It’s the first time they’re going somewhere together, just the two of them.

Hiyori has been really excited about today all week, too, which in turn, made Jun look forward to it even more.

When Jun gets to the station, Hiyori is already there. He’s wearing a light blue shirt with short sleeves and slim-fit white chinos. He’s carrying a small crossbody bag. The outfit looks subtly different from what Hiyori usually looks like during the weekend, and for some reason, it gives Jun pause for a moment.

“You look nice, Ohiisan,” Jun says earnestly, when he reaches Hiyori.

Usually, Hiyori brushes off compliments like they’re nothing, but this time, Jun sees him blush a little.

“Thanks,” Hiyori says.

It makes Jun wonder if he should’ve put some more thought into his own outfit. He’s just wearing khaki shorts and a black t-shirt. But Hiyori approvingly looks Jun up and down, his cheeks going even pinker.

Weird. Maybe Hiyori is flushed because it’s already hot outside, and he’s feeling warm?

“You too,” Hiyori says after a second or two, a little flustered. “You look nice, too. Let’s go.”

It’s quiet on the train, which means they can take seats next to each other. It doesn’t take long for Hiyori to reach out a hand and hold Jun’s hand between them. Lately, Jun has noticed that Hiyori has become clingy in a way he didn’t used to be. Hiyori has always been affectionate in his own way, but now he likes to hold Jun’s hand or hug him during special moments. Jun doesn’t really think much of it.

It’s nice.

No one but Hiyori ever holds his hand, or pats his head when he does well. No one but Hiyori smiles at him like he’s the sunlight breaking through the clouds after weeks of rain.

When they get to the aquarium, Hiyori insists on paying for both of their tickets, and they get in line between families with strollers and teenagers—girls and boys holding hands. There seem to be a lot of people holding hands, actually.

Those people are all on a date, Jun realises suddenly. Come to think of it, whenever people go to aquariums in the manga he reads, it’s always for dates as well. Jun glances down in the space between them, at where Hiyori’s hand hovers close to his. Hiyori is almost always the one initiating physical contact between them, but Jun loves it just as much. It makes him feel special when Hiyori pays attention to him, and only him.

Hiyori held Jun’s hand on the train, and that made Jun feel happy, too. 

Even though none of the other kids in the queue are two boys holding hands together—and anyway, Jun and Hiyori aren’t on a date in the first place—Jun suddenly wants to make Hiyori feel as special as Hiyori makes him feel. Without thinking too much about it, he reaches out and takes Hiyori’s left hand in his. It feels like the right thing to do.

Hiyori turns his head, surprised.

Feeling his cheeks heat up, Jun glances away, towards the front of the queue. Apart from on the train, this is the first time they’ve held hands in public. Maybe it should be a little weird, but it just feels…natural, for some reason. And so Jun just squeezes his fingers a little bit and lightly swings their hands back and forth. He glances around, but no one spares them a second glance. 

Hiyori squeezes back, and when Jun turns his head around to look at Hiyori again, Hiyori is looking at him with a soft smile. He looks a little bashful, even, which doesn’t make any sense. Hiyori is never nervous or flustered, and confident in everything he does.

Before Jun can think more of it, they reach the front of the line, and Hiyori hands the ticket attendant girl their tickets. She glances down at their hands for just a second before giving them a big smile.

“I hope you enjoy your time at Blue Horizon Aquarium!” she says brightly, the badge on her uniform reflecting the bright lights around them.

“Thank you very much,” Jun and Hiyori say in unison.

“What do you wanna see first?” Hiyori asks once they’ve entered. “There’s an outside area with seals and penguins and pelicans, and an inside area with jellyfish and all sorts of tropical fish.”

“I wanna see the jellyfish,” Jun says enthusiastically. He doesn’t know why, but he’s always wanted to see jellyfish.

Hiyori smiles. “Sure. Let’s go inside first, then.”

The inside area of the aquarium is dark and feels kind of cosy. They walk past the smaller windows, watching the colourful fish swimming past. They all look so beautiful, swimming around in clear blue water. Jun is in awe, watching the displays with large eyes.

“Look,” Jun says, turning to Hiyori to find Hiyori already looking at him. “It’s so pretty…”

“Hmmm,” Hiyori hums.

“I didn’t know it would be this pretty…”

Slowly, they move past all the displays, each more fascinating than the last, until they reach the room with the jellyfish. It’s a large, round room with big glass panes. The jellyfish are white, and they seem ethereal, lit up in the dark waters. Hiyori tugs Jun over to one of the empty benches, and they sit side by side, watching the jellyfish float around in front of them.

Jun loves them. They’re glowing, and their movements are so graceful. The way they move looks like they’re dancing. Jun turns his head to mention this to Hiyori, but his inhale catches in his throat when he sees Hiyori’s profile. Hiyori is watching the jellyfish, his face relaxed. He looks genuinely happy. 

After Nagisa, there was a time when Jun was worried Hiyori would never look like this again.

But he does, now.

Then Hiyori turns his head, and the expression on his face gets even softer, even happier. There’s something precious about this moment between them, even though Jun can’t quite grasp why. He rubs his thumb across Hiyori’s knuckles, not realising how tender the motion feels until Hiyori glances down at their hands and smiles. It’s a small, private smile, but it makes Jun’s heart skip all the same. The glow of the jellyfish dances across Hiyori’s face, and his eyes glimmer in the dim light. Jun finds himself smiling, too, even as his chest tightens with something he doesn’t yet understand.

He’s looking at me like… I don’t know. Something feels different.

Hiyori seems to be staring at him more often than usual. And Jun isn’t even wearing a fancy outfit today like Hiyori is, so that can’t be it. 

It makes him feel special though, in a way that he can’t quite put into words. Then Hiyori exhales softly, a sound so quiet yet so full of contentment that it makes Jun’s chest ache in a way that feels nice. Hiyori shifts slightly closer, their shoulders just barely touching, and they go back to watching the jellyfish. Jun knows he’s not just imagining the way Hiyori’s grip on his hand tightens ever so slightly.

Afterwards, they visit the outside area to see the penguins and the seals, and Hiyori buys them chai lattes and strawberry cakes at the café.

“Because they’re your favourite,” Hiyori says.

At the end, in the shop, Hiyori sees Jun eyeing the jellyfish plushies, and before Jun can protest, he snatches one up and pays for it. 

“Ohiisan,” Jun says, blushing. “You already gave me a plushie.”

“Well, I’m giving you another one,” Hiyori says, unperturbed.

But on the train back, Jun keeps the plushie wrapped under one of his arms. Hiyori has been so kind to him today. More so than usual. It’s kind of…nice.

“I had fun today,” Jun says, so soft it’s almost a whisper.

“Me too,” Hiyori replies. “Let’s go to more places together, from now on. We can go to cafés, or arcades, or the movies. Or we can go shopping! You can carry my bags for me, it’ll be very convenient for me.”

“Ohiisan…” Jun sighs, poking Hiyori with his elbow. “But yes. I would like that, too.”

“Good!” Hiyori says brightly.

Their stop arrives too quickly, and Jun reluctantly follows Hiyori out of the train. He doesn’t really want today to be over. Hiyori probably feels the same, because they both linger outside of the ticket gates, when they know they both have to go in separate directions. Hiyori’s hands fidget with the strap of his bag. 

“See you tomorrow?” Hiyori asks eventually.

Jun nods. “I’ll try to come over after training.”

Jun clutches the jellyfish plushie tightly against his chest, his fingers brushing over its soft fabric as he shuffles his feet. He’s not sure what else to say.

“Thanks again for the plushie,” he mumbles again, glancing up at Hiyori.

“You’re welcome,” Hiyori replies.

Before Jun can think, Hiyori steps closer, wrapping his arms around Jun. Jun freezes for a second, startled, but then the plushie squishes between them, and he can feel Hiyori’s steady heartbeat against his own. Slowly, Jun raises his free arm, returning the hug.

“Goodnight, Jun-kun,” Hiyori murmurs near his ear, his voice soft.

Jun swallows and pulls back just enough to look at him. “Goodnight, Ohiisan,” he says, the words barely above a whisper.

Hiyori’s hands linger for a moment before letting go, and Jun turns to leave. As he walks away, feeling a little like he’s floating, he risks a glance over his shoulder. Hiyori is still standing there, smiling. Jun grips the plushie tighter.

It feels like somehow, something has shifted between them, but it only makes Jun feel warm and special, and so he doesn’t think too hard about it.

Chapter Text

During winter break in their final year of middle school, Jun starts noticing things about Hiyori that he never really noticed before.

No, that’s maybe not true. Jun noticed them before, he just never really thought about the meaning of what he noticed. He took it in stride, thinking it was a way his and Hiyori’s relationship naturally changed and evolved. At some point, Hiyori started touching him more and started getting clingier than before. And that’s just the way things are between them now. Sometimes when Hiyori is happy, he hugs Jun, which is really nice. Sometimes when Jun looks at Hiyori, Hiyori gives Jun this soft, happy smile that Jun has never seen him give anyone else.

That smile always makes Jun feel warm and content, but recently it sometimes makes him feel shy, too, for some reason. It makes Jun turn his head away, a private smile on his lips that he knows Hiyori will see anyway. 

Hiyori’s touches start to feel different, too. Hiyori touching him has always felt nice. It makes Jun feel special and loved. No one but Hiyori touches him. His father never really touched him at all, as far as Jun remembers—apart from correcting his poses during training. His mother stopped touching him at some point, too, after Jun went through a growth spurt and she stopped tucking him into bed during the nights she was home.

Maybe that’s why Hiyori’s touches feel extra special. There’s a lingering warmth whenever Hiyori’s fingers brush Jun’s when they’re out shopping, a tingle when Hiyori grips his wrist when they’re walking somewhere together. A soft, almost imperceptible jolt of energy whenever Hiyori leans into his shoulder when they’re watching a movie. A growing warmth in his chest when Hiyori pats his shoulder or squeezes his arm.

Jun likes it a lot.

He’s always liked it, only now there’s this funny sort of ache that comes with it, like his chest is too empty and too full all at once.

A few months ago, Jun started going to the gym. He’s already built some visible muscles, and when Hiyori noticed, fingers tracing over Jun’s biceps, he said, “I like it,” and Jun blushed proudly. Hiyori’s cheeks turned pink too, then, and he quickly added, “But idols can’t be too buff, so you’d better also feel soft enough when I hug you.”

And then Hiyori did hug him, and Jun just sort of stopped thinking about anything.

“Jun-kun! Jun-kuuuuuuuun.”

Jun blinks, looking up from his notebook to see Hiyori frowning at him. Ah, right, they were doing homework in Hiyori’s room when he spaced out thinking about Hiyori. That seems to happen more often lately, too.

“Jun-kun, are you even listening? What bad weather, ignoring your senpai like this.”

Despite himself, Jun sort of pouts and smiles at the same time. Part of Hiyori’s clinginess has manifested itself in Hiyori complaining whenever Jun doesn’t pay enough attention to him.

“Sorry,” Jun says. “I was just thinking.”

Hiyori leans close to Jun, pointing something out in his notebook. His hand comes to rest lightly on Jun’s forearm, his fingers warm even through the fabric of Jun’s sleeve.

“You made a mistake here.”

Instead of looking at his notebook, Jun glances at the hand on his arm. His heart gives an odd little flutter, and he swallows hard, his throat suddenly dry. He doesn’t pull away, though. He doesn’t want to.

“Jun-kun, honestly,” Hiyori says, nudging Jun’s shoulder. “Pay attention. If we wanna get into Reimei Academy together, you have to study properly for the entrance exams in February.”

Jun sighs deeply, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Hiyori’s desk. 

Hiyori laughs softly, his hand sliding across Jun’s arm before coming to rest on the back of Jun’s neck, where Hiyori slowly starts to brush his thumb back and forth.

“Are you tired?” Hiyori asks. “Do you wanna take a break?”

Jun doesn’t reply, distracted by the way Hiyori’s hand feels on his bare neck, just above the neckline of his sweater. A sound sticks in his throat, a sigh he can only barely bite back. Hiyori’s touch makes him feel restless, and he starts to fidget with the edges of his notebook. All of this is so confusing. He doesn’t know why he feels this way, why the simple touch of Hiyori’s hand affects him so much more than it should.

It’s just Hiyori.

Jun is tired, he suddenly realises. Ever since Hiyori came up with the idea of applying for the same idol high school, Jun has started taking his studies a lot more seriously. Hiyori says that ever since his brother started university, his parents have mostly stopped caring about Hiyori’s academic progress at all, and they said he could do whatever he wanted, including applying to an idol-focused school.

There are three different idol schools they could go to, but since Jun’s parents would never pay the fees for Shuetsu Academy, and Hiyori knows Yumenosaki Academy is currently in a state of disrepair, that leaves Reimei Academy. Besides, Hiyori heard from his parents that Nagisa would most likely be attending Shuetsu Academy, and Reimei Academy is Shuetsu’s affiliated school. So if they get into Reimei together, it hopefully means they’ll be able to see Nagisa again, too.

But Reimei’s entrance exams are notoriously difficult, too, and so Hiyori has been helping Jun study over these past few months. Jun really, really wants to be able to go to the same school as Hiyori. And going to an idol school would give them the opportunity to finally work as a unit, and work towards their debut.

Jun sighs again. He can’t afford to mess this up. This will be his one chance.

He raises his head, an idea popping into his mind. “For New Year’s Day next week, do you want to go to a shrine together to make wishes?”

Hiyori’s hand falls away as he sits back. Jun shivers at the loss of warmth.

“A shrine visit? You and me?” Hiyori’s lips curve into a smile, a flicker of surprise glimmering in his eyes. It’s usually Hiyori coming up with ideas for the things they do together, and Jun going along with them.

Jun nods. “Yeah. It’s supposed to bring good luck, right? And we could draw omikuji, too.”

“Yeah, okay,” Hiyori says. “My parents won’t be home for New Year’s anyway, and my brother is going to stay with friends. Do you wanna stay over that night? We can have New Year’s foods and go to the shrine early on New Year’s Day.”

“Okay,” Jun says, pleased with this idea.

He already knows exactly what he’ll wish for.

On New Year’s Day, they wake up at six in the morning, when it’s still dark outside. Jun is fully awake immediately, butterflies in his stomach when he thinks about today and their shrine visit together. Hiyori, however, groans and buries himself under the blankets.

“Ohiisan,” Jun says, shaking what he thinks might be Hiyori’s shoulder beneath the duvet. “Come on, wake up. You wanted to get to the shrine early before the crowds, didn’t you?”

“I changed my mind,” Hiyori mutters, his voice muffled. “Let’s just stay in bed all day, instead, mmm, Jun-kun?”

Jun laughs, trying to drag the covers down, but Hiyori just curls himself into an even smaller ball, holding on tight.

“When we go to Reimei, and we’ll be sharing a room, is this what you’re gonna be like every morning?”

“Yes,” Hiyori says, petulant. “So it’ll be your job to make sure I get ready every morning, Jun-kun.”

“Yes, yes,” Jun says, tugging on the covers again. This time, Hiyori relents, two narrowed violet eyes glaring at Jun from beneath messy bangs. It makes Jun smile again. “Now, come on, aren’t you excited?”

Hiyori is silent for a few seconds, and then he smiles a brief, tired smile. “Yeah.”

They both dress warmly; winter sweaters, coats, scarves and gloves to protect against the winter chill. After a quick breakfast, they head out into the dark. The streets outside are quiet, and their breath forms little clouds in the cold air as they walk. It feels right to hold hands, and so Jun takes off his right glove, and Hiyori his left, and their hands come together. Hiyori tugs their joined hands into his coat pocket, claiming it’s to keep warm, and Jun’s chest flutters pleasantly. 

“What are you gonna wish for?” Hiyori asks as they walk.

“I’m not saying,” Jun replies. “If I do, it won’t come true, will it?”

But there really is only one thing that Jun wants, really wants. He can’t picture his future in any other way than spending it by Hiyori’s side. The idea that they will be going to the same school makes him feel happy in a way that he hadn’t ever thought possible. This is the first time in his life that he wants something for himself. Yes, he wants to be an idol, but he wonders sometimes how much of that dream really is his own, and how much of it is his father’s, who made him watch Jin Sagami’s show over and over, and who forced him through hundreds, thousands of hours of lessons in dancing and singing, ever since Jun learned to walk and talk.

Jun glances at Hiyori, walking quietly by his side. Hiyori is clearly not fully awake yet, yawning every now and then, and letting Jun drag him along. The soft glow of the streetlights casts a warm halo around him.

I love you, Jun thinks.

Strangely enough, it doesn’t feel like a big, world-altering realisation. It feels natural, like holding Hiyori’s hand, or like how their voices harmonise when they sing, or how so often, it feels like Jun was made to be in Hiyori’s life. 

I love how you make me feel. I love how you see me. I love how you care for me.

I love you.

The thought brings a smile to his face and makes him squeeze Hiyori’s hand a little tighter. Hiyori yawns again.

All of Jun’s happy memories include Hiyori in one way or another. Playing in Hiyori’s garden together when they were little, watching idol shows and movies in Hiyori’s room. Hiyori comforting Jun when he was sad, letting him sleep when he was tired of hours of drills. The first time they went to the aquarium, and then every special outing they went on together. Hiyori helping Jun study for the entrance exams, patiently teaching him world history and modern Japanese literature.

Hiyori has been there, always, when Jun needed him or wanted him. 

Jun looks at Hiyori again, and this time, Hiyori notices and turns to look at him as well. Blushing, Jun turns his head away.

Hiyori laughs softly.

When they reach the shrine, the place is already bustling with people, even this early in the morning when the soft light of dawn barely spills over the rooftops, casting long shadows across the stone pathway. The air is crisp and filled with the faint sound of bells ringing in the distance. People are lining up to bow and clap in front of the shrine, offering their first prayers of the year.

Hiyori drags Jun over to line up, too. Jun glances around, taking in the familiar sights of the shrine—the stone lanterns, the torii gates, the fluttering banners. It looks the same as always, although he doesn’t often visit a shrine. But it feels special now, with Hiyori at his side like this, with a wish that’s so ardent in his heart that he almost wants to tell Hiyori out loud.

But he can’t. It won’t come true if he does.

When it’s their turn, Jun steps up to the offering box and pulls out a few coins from his pocket, tossing them into the wooden box with a soft clink. He bows twice deeply, then claps twice, and presses his hands together in front of him, eyes closed in a moment of prayer. Next to him, he feels and hears Hiyori do the same.

Please, he prays, let me love Ohiisan forever.

I always want to be by his side. Please, let me pass the Reimei entrance exams so we can go to the same school. Please, let us be roommates. Let me love him. Please, please, please.

He then drops his hands to his side and bows as deeply as he can. Maybe if he bows deeply, the gods are more likely to grant his wish.

Jun keeps his eyes closed for a few seconds longer, but when he opens them, he sees Hiyori standing next to him with his eyes still closed, his face slightly flushed from the cold, his curls framing his face perfectly. He looks serious, in a way Hiyori doesn’t often look.

Finally, Hiyori opens his eyes, and together they walk away, making space for the people queuing up behind them.

Jun nudges him, a little shaken at Hiyori’s quiet and serious demeanour.

“What did you wish for?”

Hiyori’s face softens a little, but he doesn’t respond right away. Jun watches him fidget a little, like he’s trying to decide whether or not to share. Finally, he mumbles, “I… I don’t think I can say it.”

“Well,” Jun says simply. “I hope both our wishes come true.”

“Yeah,” Hiyori breathes. And then, more upbeat, “Do you wanna write wishes on ema wooden plaques?”

Jun nods. The more prayers he can offer and the more wishes he can make, the better.

Hiyori buys both of them an ema, and they find a spot at one of the standing tables to stand and write down their wishes. Hiyori’s ema is neat and carefully written, although he keeps Jun from seeing the specific characters. For his part, Jun uses his left hand to shield the ema from Hiyori as well and his right to scribble down his wish.

Please let me stay by Ohiisan’s side forever.

After some consideration, he draws a little teddy bear and a little jellyfish as well, for good luck. When he’s done, he presses the ema against his chest, while at the same time trying to sneak a peek at Hiyori’s wish.

“No fair,” Hiyori says. “If your wish is a secret, then so is mine.”

“Fine,” Jun says, giving up on trying to read Hiyori’s. “Let’s hang them side by side, though, okay?”

“Hmm,” Hiyori nods.

After hanging up their ema, they approach the omikuji stand, pay the fee, and shake the numbered sticks to retrieve their fortunes. They get out of the crowd a little to read their respective little folded-up papers.

“Ha!” Hiyori exclaims as he opens a ‘great fortune’. He unfurls his omikuji and looks at Jun with a smile. “This means this year will totally be a good year, and all my wishes will come true.”

When Jun opens his own omikuji, he frowns a little when it reads ‘future fortune’. 

“That’s not bad,” Hiyori says, leaning over Jun’s shoulder to read. “It’s better than a bad fortune!”

“I guess,” Jun says, folding the omikuji back up and putting it in his pocket. “But it means I’ll have to wait for my good fortune… And you got a great fortune…”

Hiyori’s face is so close that Jun’s breath gets a little uneven, and it’s easy to forget about his result when his heart keeps skipping beats. 

“Don’t worry,” Hiyori says softly. “I’ll share some of my fortune with you. We can share it until your fortune is here in the future.”

Then, Hiyori leans a little heavier onto Jun’s shoulder. “Jun-kuuuuun, my legs are tired.”

Jun snorts. “Well, too bad, because you still gotta walk back home.”

“Noooo,” Hiyori whines, wrapping his arms around Jun’s shoulders and hugging him from behind. “Carry me, Jun-kun. You’re strong, right?”

Jun laughs, but he doesn’t push Hiyori away. The way Hiyori’s arms feel around him is too nice.

“You’re just lazy,” Jun says.

“Yes,” Hiyori says brightly. “And it’s your job, Jun-kun, as my unitmate, to always care for me and grant my every wish. I got a great fortune, after all.”

Instead of continuing their banter, Jun is silent for a long moment as his arms come up to wrap around Hiyori’s. Hiyori presses his cheek against Jun’s shoulder, and for a minute, they just stand like this. The shrine is bustling with activity around them, but Jun doesn’t care. He just cares about the boy who’s holding him, and the future they’ll have together. He knows Hiyori is only half-serious when he makes Jun do things for him, but to be honest, Jun loves it. He loves it when Hiyori relies on him, and when he gets to take care of Hiyori.

Eventually, Jun hums his affirmation. “I’ll try.”

Hiyori seems pleased, drawing back to look Jun in the eye. “It’s a promise, then.”

“You’re still walking home yourself though. I am not carrying you.”

“Fine. Meanie.” Hiyori’s breath is hot on Jun’s neck, and Jun shivers.

Eventually, Hiyori lets him go, and Jun turns around. There’s something on Hiyori’s face that catches his attention, like there’s more on his mind than what he’s letting on. But no matter how long he looks, Jun can’t figure it out.

Eventually, he smiles, extending his hand. “Let’s go home, Ohiisan.”

Hiyori nods, taking Jun’s hand with a smile of his own. “Let’s go home.”

It’s hard to tell who’s happier when Jun passes the Reimei Academy entrance exams, Jun or Hiyori.

Hiyori hugs Jun so hard that Jun lets out a little yelp, and Hiyori doesn’t let go until Jun starts to squirm in his hold.

“Enough, Ohiisan, I can’t breathe…”

“I’m so proud of you…” Hiyori says, and he’s surprised when tears start to well up in his eyes. “We’ll get to go to the same school… We’ll be together. We’ll be idols together.”

“Yeah,” Jun says, and he stops squirming, raising his hands to brush away Hiyori’s tears.

Jun never tells Hiyori not to cry, but he will always wipe away his tears. It’s part of why Hiyori loves him so much. 

Ever since his realisation, that one afternoon years ago, Hiyori has only fallen more in love with Jun. Looking back, when he was thirteen, he barely knew what he was feeling. Now, his feelings for Jun have grown into something comforting, something reassuring, something so deep that he feels they will never change. 

Sometimes, Hiyori even thinks about confessing his feelings to Jun.

Before, he was pretty sure that Jun wasn’t interested in romance. He wasn’t interested in girls, Hiyori figured that out pretty quickly after trying to subtly ask multiple times. But would that mean he was interested in boys? And not just boys in general, but Hiyori specifically? And so Hiyori made a study out of analysing Jun’s responses. Jun liked it when Hiyori touched him. Jun liked Hiyori’s attention. Jun never shied away from him or refused to hold his hand.

Even though they’re both fifteen now, too old to be casually sharing a bed like they still do, neither of them have suggested using a futon instead.

And recently, the way Jun reacts to Hiyori’s touches gives Hiyori hope that his feelings might be mutual. Jun spaces out sometimes when they’re together, and when Hiyori calls him out, Jun blushes and glances away. It makes him look really pretty, and the sight of it makes Hiyori’s heart flip.

But confessing? Confessing is scary. There’s always a chance that Jun will reject him, and their friendship will end, and Hiyori doesn’t think he would be able to take that.

Not even when his great fortune omikuji—that he keeps in his wallet—said: “The person you long for feels the same. Be patient and trust your heart. Happiness in love is within your reach.”

Not even when Hiyori secretly got a glance at Jun’s ema on New Year’s Day. Jun’s handwriting was abysmal as usual, but Hiyori made out the characters anyway, during the seconds between Jun turning away, and Hiyori following him. And the words have been etched into his heart ever since, giving him courage and making him happy in equal amounts.

Please let me stay by Ohiisan’s side forever, is what Jun wrote.

Please let me and Jun-kun find happiness together, is what Hiyori wrote. It was good enough. His biggest wish—please let Jun-kun love me back—was something he couldn’t write down, after all. If Jun loved him back, Hiyori didn’t want it to be because of a wish he made, he wanted it to be because Jun wanted to love him back.

A few weeks have passed since their Reimei acceptance letters arrived. It’s spring holiday, a week before the start of the new academic year. They’re in the garden of Hiyori’s house, lounging in their spot—the place where their story seems to always circle back. It’s where they first met, where they had their first—and only—big fight, and where they used to dance amidst the rose bushes.

The garden is quiet except for the occasional rustle of the camphor tree’s evergreen leaves above them. Jun is leaning against the sturdy trunk, legs stretched out in front of him, while Hiyori is lying on his back, head resting comfortably in Jun’s lap. He looks up at the tree’s wide, protective branches, and the spring sunlight filtering through them.

Over the past year, Jun has grown. He’s gone through a growth spurt. His voice sounds lower now, his smell changed. He sometimes trips over his own feet when dancing, unused to his taller body. His muscles have become more defined since he started weight training.

All of it has only made Hiyori love him more.

And when they’re like this, it’s easy to let himself believe that Jun loves him back, loves him just the same.

“You know,” Hiyori murmurs, glancing up at Jun, his heart racing a little. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s next…for us.”

Jun blinks, looking down. “You mean high school?”

“Yeah,” Hiyori says. “High school. Our families. You and me. Everything.”

“What do you mean?”

Hiyori reaches one hand up to cup Jun’s cheek. It’s a little awkward with their positions, but it’s worth it for the way Jun’s nose wrinkles cutely.

“Things are gonna change,” Hiyori says. “I won’t have to see my parents as much anymore, and they’re probably glad to be rid of me. You won’t have to deal with your father anymore. You don’t have to see him anymore if you don’t want to.”

A thoughtful expression crosses Jun’s face. He lifts his gaze to the tree leaves, sighing deeply. 

“Part of me hates him for what he’s like, but… He’s still my father, you know?”

“I know,” Hiyori says softly, dropping his hand. “I know my parents never really forced me to do anything, not like your father. But they never wanted me around, either. And yet, they’re still my parents. I just don’t think it’s good for me to be around them more than I need to.”

“Yeah,” Jun says, a forlorn note in his voice. “He didn’t even seem happy that I got into an idol school. All he said was ‘Don’t disgrace me’. I wonder if he ever really cared.”

“I’m sorry,” Hiyori says quietly. “My parents don’t care, either. I wonder if they ever did. My brother is the only one in my family who really cares about me.”

Jun raises a hand, brushing a strand of hair away from Hiyori’s forehead, and Hiyori’s heart stumbles from the gentleness of the gesture.

I love you so much…

“But we have each other,” Jun says, his voice soft. “We’ll be okay.”

Hiyori closes his eyes for a moment. Being around Jun has always made him able to regulate his emotions better, and it makes the sadness about his parents a little easier to bear. It makes the future a little less scary because he knows Jun will be by his side. He’ll see Nagisa again. He’ll finally be able to become an idol, after all these years of dreaming. They’ll be able to do it together.

When he opens his eyes again, Jun’s gaze on him has gotten impossibly soft. Hiyori scrambles to sit up, sitting on his knees in front of Jun.

“We’ll be okay,” Hiyori agrees.

He reaches out a hand again, his thumb brushing over Jun’s cheek, and his fingers trace the shell of his ear, the tiny hairs on his neck. Jun shivers visibly, closing his eyes and turning his head into the touch.

Hiyori swallows thickly. Jun is so sensitive, always so ready to soak up every bit of attention and every touch Hiyori offers. Over the years, Hiyori’s gotten bolder with his affection, and Jun has effortlessly kept pace, meeting him at every step. And Hiyori knows he hasn’t imagined the way that Jun blushes sometimes now when Hiyori touches him or that shy smile that lingers as Jun turns his head away.

“Ohiisan…” Jun says quietly, a hitch in his breath.

The back of Hiyori’s neck tingles, and he feels his own breath catching in his throat. Once again, he wonders what it’d be like to simply tell Jun ‘I love you’. Confessing is scary, but there’s this little voice in the back of his mind that says, What if… What if he loves you back? Wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you want to tell him?

Jun opens his eyes, and they’re bright and full of life.

“Ohiisan, what did you mean, ‘what’s next for us’?”

Hiyori blinks. He drops his hand, letting his fingers tangle in the grass. “I…”

“What did you wish for when we made our New Year’s prayers?” Jun asks, a note of urgency in his voice. “You said then you couldn’t say it. Can you say it now?”

Hiyori is silent for a moment, his thoughts racing. He steals a glance at Jun, who’s leaning forward slightly, his hands curled in his lap. There’s something so open about Jun’s expression, his earnest eyes locked on Hiyori’s face, and it makes Hiyori’s chest ache.

“It’s…complicated,” Hiyori says finally, forcing a small smile. His hands fidget with a stray blade of grass, twisting it until it breaks. “I don’t know if it’ll come true.”

“You got a great fortune,” Jun says. “It’ll come true. Right?”

“I don’t know,” Hiyori says again.

Jun tilts his head. “Why not?” he asks softly.

Hiyori’s heart pounds. He wants to tell Jun everything—that his wish was for him and Jun to always be together, that he can’t imagine his life without Jun, that he’s been in love with him for years. But the words catch in his throat.

“Because it depends on someone else,” Hiyori says finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

Amazingly, Jun smiles. “I see.”

Hiyori blinks. Butterflies erupt in his stomach, but he tries not to get his hopes up. Surely this doesn’t mean what his brain is trying to tell him it means.

Jun takes a deep breath. He runs a hand through his hair, and Hiyori can see that his fingers are trembling a little.

“Jun-kun?”

Jun closes his eyes. He takes another deep breath, and just when Hiyori is about to ask if he’s okay, Jun blurts out:

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

And he opens his eyes again.

It’s as if they’re in a romance movie, or one of those shounen manga that Jun loves to read. Time slows down around them. Hiyori can’t hear anything over the pounding of his heart, and all he sees are Jun’s wide, golden eyes, unguarded and filled with so many emotions that Hiyori can’t even begin to name all of them—hope, fear, hesitation, love.

“I love you, Ohiisan,” Jun says again, his words slower and more steady the second time. It shakes Hiyori out of his stupor.

“I love you, too,” he says. And then, once the words are out, Hiyori can’t stop more words from overflowing, words he’s kept in his heart for so long. “I love you so much. You’ve always been there for me. You always just let me be myself, you never ask me to change. You comfort me when I’m sad, and you’re happy with me if I’m happy. Your smile is the brightest thing in the world, and I’m so glad I get to see it so much.”

Jun reaches out, and Hiyori only realises that he’s crying when Jun brushes away his tears.

“You never tell me not to cry,” Hiyori says, a hiccup in his breath.

Jun hugs him tightly, his arms going around Hiyori’s shoulders with a force so strong that Hiyori falls backwards onto the grass. Jun lands on top of him, knocking Hiyori’s breath right out of him. His heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest with how happy he feels.

“You can cry as much as you want,” Jun says, and his voice sounds full of relief and warmth, and so much affection that Hiyori can’t do anything but tightly wrap his arms around Jun in return. “Always.”

As they lie on the grass, Hiyori tries to get his breathing and his emotions back under control. He’s pictured confessing to Jun so many times, but never had he thought Jun would be the one to say the words first. His brave, sweet, beautiful Jun, who has been through so much, and who is still Hiyori’s solid support in everything.

His soulmate.

“Hey,” Hiyori says, once his tears have dried. “Since when?”

“Hmm?” Jun asks, pulling away a little. He rests his arms on Hiyori’s chest, leaning his chin on them as he looks Hiyori in the eye. 

“When did you realise that you love me?”

“Oh,” Jun says. He bites his lip, trying not to smile, but failing miserably. “When we were walking to the shrine on New Year’s Day. You looked so cute, half-asleep and so pretty in the glow of the streetlights.”

“Pretty, huh?” Hiyori asks, fully aware that he’s fishing for compliments. But he just told Jun all of the reasons he loves him. It’s only fair Jun gives him some compliments in return, right?

“Yeah,” Jun says, his voice a little dreamy as he looks Hiyori in the eye. His cheeks go a little pink. “You’re really pretty. Your eyes are always so bright and sparkling when you watch idol shows, and your hair is really soft.” 

As if to prove his point, Jun reaches out a hand to stroke a hand over Hiyori’s hair.

“But mostly…” Jun pauses, his eyes flicking away and then shyly glancing back. “Mostly I love how much love you have inside of you. The way you care for people, and want to make them smile. I love how you take care of me, whenever I need you. Whenever my father yelled at me or made me do extra practice, just the thought of going to you after made it all bearable. Going to school together is my biggest dream, along with becoming an idol. I just want… I just want to be by your side, in whatever way possible. But I’m glad it’s this.”

“Oh, Jun-kun,” Hiyori sighs.

He lifts both his hands to gently cup Jun’s face, and the movie-like slow motion is suddenly back. Hiyori lifts his head a little, and Jun shifts forward a little, and the next thing Hiyori knows, his eyes are closed and their lips press together.

It’s a little awkward at first, and their noses bump together until Jun figures out to tilt his head a little bit. Jun’s lips are so soft against his. Hiyori didn’t know lips could feel this soft, or that a kiss could feel like this—so sweet, so warm, so full of all the emotions he’s been carrying in his heart for so long. It’s as if every unsaid word, every meaningful smile, every touch they’ve shared over the years is poured into this single moment.

Jun breaks the kiss, his breath coming in short, shaky gasps. He watches Hiyori through half-lidded eyes, his lips a little more red than usual, and his smile soft. Then he drops his head onto Hiyori’s chest, and Hiyori brings up his arms to hug him again, fingers tangling in Jun’s hair.

“What about you?” Jun asks eventually, when their breathing has gone back to normal.

“What about me?” Hiyori asks.

“When did you… Y’know…know?”

“Oh,” Hiyori says. The moment he realised his feelings is still so vivid in his mind that he sees it play out again so realistically when he thinks back on it. Both of them looking at each other amidst the pillows, adrenaline from the game still rushing through their bodies. “That first time we played video games together on my new PlayStation.”

“That was ages ago!” Jun says.

Hiyori hums.

Jun is quiet for a few moments. Then, he mutters, “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

“Don’t be,” Hiyori says quickly. “I loved every moment we spent together. Every time we went to the cinema, or went shopping, or just played video games in my room. It didn’t have to be more than that.”

“Oh,” Jun says, as if he suddenly realised something. “That time you asked me to go to the aquarium with you. That was a date, wasn’t it? Our first date.”

Hiyori laughs. “I’m not sure it counts as a date if it’s not specified as a date to both people involved.”

“Then, can we go to the aquarium again?” Jun asks. “As a real date, this time?”

“We can go wherever you want, Jun-kun,” Hiyori says easily.

“But this time, I’m buying you a gift, too,” Jun says.

“Okay.” Hiyori smiles.

They stay like that for a while, close and quiet, as if the world around them has faded away entirely, leaving only the two of them beneath the camphor tree.

The next Monday, Hiyori and Jun stand side by side in front of the gates to Reimei Academy, wearing their new, neatly pressed uniforms.

Hiyori glances to his right, where Jun is looking at the school building with equal parts excitement and nervousness. Hiyori has already handed in the necessary forms to sign up him and Jun as an idol unit, and his parents’ generous donation enabled Hiyori to pick the dorm room and the roommate he wanted. All their things were moved into their room this past weekend.

Jun has nothing to worry about.

As far as Hiyori is concerned, no one is more determined to become an idol than Jun. Jun is strong and talented. He works out at the gym whenever he can and goes running every other day, and sometimes Hiyori catches a glimpse of his abs and it makes his heart race. He’s beautiful. No longer an uncut diamond, but a polished gem, shining brighter with each passing day. 

And yet, sometimes when Hiyori looks at him, he still sees that six-year-old boy who stumbled into his garden with dirt on his cheek, whose eyes lit up when Hiyori started talking about idols.

They’ve come so far. And this is still only the beginning. They’ll do real idol jobs together. Hiyori will make sure they’ll debut together. And, glancing over at Shuetsu Academy in the distance, Hiyori smiles. They’ll be able to meet up with Nagisa again, too.

“Let’s go, Ohiisan,” Jun says, dragging Hiyori from his thoughts. “I don’t wanna be late on our first day.”

Hiyori holds out his hand. Jun smiles, and some of the worry fades from his face as he entwines his fingers with Hiyori’s.

“Yeah. Let’s go,” Hiyori says.

Hand in hand, they enter Reimei Academy.