Work Text:
There was a cat.
Sure, Shen Jiu had seen cats before— dirty little felines that crawled around drains, climbing up rotten wood, fighting with the street kids for a morsel of meat barely larger than a fingernail.
But he had never seen…
MOOOOOOOOO.
In all his life, he had never seen such a friendly cat before.
And, it was quite a substantial size.
“You’re… very fat. Do you have an owner? Why are you on Qing Jing Peak? You know... pets are forbidden here. Your owner will get into a lot of trouble when I report them. Maybe you'll get taken away from them...”
"..." Shen Jiu's face suddenly flushed with red.
This was horrid!!! The Qing Jing Disciple wanted to slap himself for speaking to a cat like this! Awful! Terrible! He was (almost) an adult!!! Was he really going to talk to a cat like it was a real goddamn human!? But…
Moooooo.
The look on the cat's face, the way it smiled, the way it eyed him so intensely… It felt like he was staring at a real goddamn human right now.
Shen Jiu was a new disciple on the Peak— well, a relatively new one. But despite being here for over two years, he never shed that feeling of alienation, that feeling of not belonging. But in any case, he couldn’t relax! He needed to become strong! He must train super hard and become successful! But when this fat white cat suddenly walked into his solo training session— appearing to him as a fat white blob that suddenly sat on top of his feet and tripped him over mid-action…
Moooooo.
Honestly, Shen Jiu didn’t know what to do at all… The cat seemed to be asking him for something, and Shen Jiu couldn’t understand cat-talk even if he wanted to.
Maybe…
Shen Jiu looked it up and down. It really was quite fat.
Maybe it’s hungry?
Well, it wasn’t such a hard thing to assume…
Moooooo.
Taking that cow-like cry as a sign of affirmation, Shen Jiu sighed before reaching into his pocket— breaking apart a bit of the dried meat he saved for himself.
“Do you want it? You’ll have to earn it, fatty. Food doesn’t come for free, you know! If you don’t learn this lesson then, one day, you’ll suffer the consequences!”
Moo…
The cat looked quite sad. Was it able to understand human speech?.
“Come on, fatty. Do something interesting— dance, jump, earn your food.”
But the cat merely stared up at him as if saying "Do you want to die?" before giving up and lying flat on the ground. With its fluffy belly facing towards the sky, the cat looked like a big fluffy cloud— or, rather, like a fat cat who hadn't heard the word “exercise” in its entire life.
It appeared like the cat had given up upon hearing the words “dance” and “jump”. And, truthfully, Shen Jiu should've been giving up as well. As a good cultivator, he should be leaving this fat cat behind— he should be finding a new place without troublesome human-tripping fatties to mess up his cultivation practice!
But…
That stomach… it really looked like a big fluffy fatty mantou…
“If you don’t go… I’m going to take a big bite out of your belly, you fatty…”
Unmoving from its comfy position on the grass, the cat appeared not to understand what Shen Jiu was saying. Or, at least it didn’t until Shen Jiu abruptly squatted—
And dug his hand into the fatty’s big fat fluffy belly.
So soft...
The cat allowed its belly to be fondled— even allowing the Sect’s number one most hated disciple to untangle the knots and mats lower down its torso. Eventually, it began purring loudly like a large vat of boiling water— going glurg glurg glurg glurg like a soup simmering for too long.
“You… Your fur is so matted…! If it gets any worse, I’ll be forced to shave you naked. What do you think about that, fatty?” Shen Jiu felt like it was natural to bully such a large creature. “Your owner must be super stupid and careless… Who would dare neglect a cat like this…”
Well, perhaps neglect wasn’t quite the word considering how enormously built this cat was. More accurately, the cat was way too spoiled and likely manipulated its owner into not brushing it. Shen Jiu thought that... Even if he shaved all the fur off the white beast, the cat would surely have triple chins and a white belly as round and warm as a big bowl of rice.
The cat was purring so loudly and with such force that if an earthquake occurred, Shen Jiu wouldn’t be able to notice such a great calamity— instead assuming it was just the cat's purring. His whole undivided attention would be devoted to this white thing in front of him— as jiggly and soft as tofu, as fat as the laughing Buddha (without any enlightenment).
But still… Perhaps there was something enlightening about petting a cat’s belly— this was what Shen Jiu used to justify him petting the cat for nearly twenty minutes nonstop. And enlightenment is very good for cultivation. It is the most steadfast path to immortality— Shen Jiu thought this over and over again after he placed the big fatty on his lap (making it sit upright in his crossed legs like a human) before beginning to massage its paws and leg joints.
This is very good.
This is—
“SHEN JIU, YOU BASTARD!!! YOU—”
Liu Qingge suddenly fell off his sword that flew high up in the sky— falling, and falling, and falling and—
SPLAT
And falling face-first into the soft Qing Jing soil.
Indeed, the brute was akin to a reckless dog who only knew two speeds: full send, and stationary. There was no such thing as moderation. It had to either crash full speed into a closed door or it couldn’t move at all.
And so, after a brief second of stationary recovery, the famed brute (who would withstand being punted off into the sunset by the utterly insane Bai Zhan Peak Lord) stood up and once again pointed his eyes full of daggers at the youngest Qing Jing Disciple.
“GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF CHICKEN!!!”
Chicken... Chicken?
Shen Jiu looked down at the jelly-like cat sitting like a human in his lap.
Chicken…
Hmm…
That’s quite a good name for it—
But before Shen Jiu could finish his thought, Liu Qingge suddenly sprinted towards him and snatched Chicken from his lap.
“DON’T TOUCH MY CAT EVER AGAIN!!!!”
Shen Jiu wanted to fight back— to shout at this brute that has been bullying him for so long. But he couldn’t do it. He was too amazed at the half-smirking half-laughing expression on the cat’s face.
Even in all this turmoil, despite being kidnapped so violently, it was purring its head off.
Glurg glurg glurg glurg.
Shen Jiu had never seen such power before. The cat really did look like the enlightened smiling Buddha.
—-------------
Liu Qingge couldn’t believe this! How could this happen!?
Awful!
Although on paper the pet policy in Cang Qiong Mountain was quite strict, in practice, it was quite lax. There were plenty of spoiled young masters in the sect who absolutely could not be parted from their spiritual animal. And so, these plenty of spoiled young masters would register their immortal pets as companion beasts who supposedly aided their cultivation and fought with them in battle.
And by "plenty of spoiled young masters”, of course, it only meant the spoiled young master, Liu Qingge.
Nobody else in the sect used this method but him.
(But to avoid embarrassment, he liked to think it was quite a popular tactic to bring overweight cats into the sect’s administration office and demand it to be registered as an authorized spiritual companion.)
But that's beside the point!
Ever since bringing his fatty cat into the sect, something terrible has happened!
His cat was becoming too fat!!!
Obviously, Chicken was very cute. And obviously, Chicken deserved all the scraps and treats in the world!
But this was too much.
On the Peak full of violent little boys who only knew about fighting battles and getting defeated in battles, Liu Qingge was at first a little worried that his Chicken would get bullied by these egotistical little teenagers with too much energy on their hands.
However, upon looking at the Buddha-looking cat, these boys (who normally farted violently and wetly on each other whenever their Shizun issued a no-fighting period) suddenly turned into absolute LOSERS!!!
LOSERS!
LOSERS who would offer the best parts of their meals to Chicken and follow the fatty around all day trying to get his attention!!!
One day, a group of boys would use some long grass to tease Chicken and lure him into looking like he was dancing.
Another day, a separate group would try to bait Chicken into a shed so he could catch a rat all the boys were too afraid to kill on their own. Ironically, they used shredded bits of unseasoned unsalted boiled chicken (from their Peak-approved catering) to lure the fatty into the shed. But that plan was halted by a rather stupid and outraged disciple named Liu Qingge who decried it as cannibalism!!!
"You can’t feed chicken to Chicken!!!"
At first, Liu Qingge’s disciple brothers laughed at this ludicrous statement.
But then, the Bai Zhan disciples began to think about it more deeply— turning it over and over again in their rather empty skulls. In the end, after thinking about it for a uselessly long amount of time, they all simultaneously nodded their heads and decided that: Yes, it’s cannibalism to make Chicken eat chicken!
In fact, this realization shook through the whole Bai Zhan Peak with such clarity like Heaven's bell ringing and announcing the ascension of a new god! In the end, all those affected by the Bai Zhan idiot illness decided to commit to a Peak-wide abstinence of chicken (that included the Bai Zhan Peak Lord who, after seeing Chicken for the first time, tried to give it some catnip)!
Wait! Liu Qingge was getting too distracted again! He slapped his face around. This isn’t the real issue he wanted to think about!
No, the issue was that Chicken was escaping the Bai Zhan Peak and into the hands of the human scum known as Shen Jiu!!!
“Clearly, Chicken just doesn’t like you, you brute.” Shen Jiu was cradling the fatty in his arms like he was holding a newborn baby. (But judging by the size and weight, it was more like carrying two rather large newborn babies). “Maybe if you gave him a more honorable name, he’d stop trying to escape. Also, make sure you brush his fur more often. If it gets too tangled, someone will need to shave him and then he’ll really look like boiled chicken.”
Liu Qingge thought about it.
He thought about what Chicken would look like bald.
“...”
Within the Bai Zhan idiot's mind were thoughts too complex to be revealed.
“In any case,” Shen Jiu ignored Liu Qingge’s look of horror mixed with fascination and curiosity. “Since Chicken loves to run into my arms all the time, perhaps he doesn’t want to live with you anymore! You should just give up and concede this victory to me.”
These words were enough to erase images of a bald Chicken and turn the local Bai Zhan idiot into a local raging fool!
“CHICKEN IS MY CAT!!! GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!”
“Seriously…” Shen Jiu began to stroke Chicken’s bulging stomach once more. “You’re too annoying. Do you need to judge me so badly all the time? It's not like I'm going to hurt him. Just let the fatty live with me for a bit. Or… do you really think I’m such a devil?”
“OF COURSE YOU ARE THE DEVIL!!! YOU’RE GOING TO EAT CHICKEN JUST LIKE WHAT ALL MY DISCIPLE BROTHERS SAID— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.”
Before he could finish his sentence, Shen Jiu kicked the Bai Zhan brute off of Qing Jing Peak— sending him flying into the high afternoon sun with such velocity it looked like a shooting star was blessing the daylight.
How stupid! If Shen Jiu was going to eat an animal, it wouldn’t be such an enlightened cat like Chicken!
And… to be honest…
Chicken looked a little too unseasoned— a little too bland for Shen Jiu to think about eating him. Really, he looked more tasteless than overboiled rice— less flavorful than plain tofu. If someone ate Chicken, they would come out of the culinary experience less satisfied and hungrier than when they started!
It would be a meal that was whiter than white.
Shen Jiu shook these thoughts out of his head. Thinking about this was useless! He should be practicing cultivation before the Bai Zhan idiots once again descended on the Peak to recapture Chicken. Again.
Those idiots were too obsessed with Chicken, willing to fight tooth and nail to retrieve their little fatty.
(Luckily, the other Qing Jing brats, ordinarily spoiled rotten to the core, seemed to drop their arrogant and lofty personas to beg Shen Jiu to pet the cat. After a while of this, all the disciples of Qing Jing Peak were more than happy to fight full-force against the raiding Bai Zhan idiots.)
(Arrogance vs idiocy.)
(Both sides were quite happy to exert all mental and physical effort in beating up the other for Chicken.)
Glurg glurg glurg glurg.
Looking down at the smiling fatty cat, Shen Jiu wondered if the cat was purring—
Or if its stomach was just growling again.
—---------
As the Head Disciple of Qiong Ding (and the future leader of the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect), Yue Qi was ordered to sort out domestic sect matters in order to train for his future role.
Of course, in theory, this was a good opportunity to practice his skills of peace-keeping and passivity— of knowing when to fight with fists or words, blah blah blah… it was all important Head Disciple things, for sure.
But honestly… This long-lasting practice was nothing more than unpaid labor that every Sect Leader was happy to exploit whenever they were too unbothered to deal with a relatively inconsequential sect incident.
And one of these inconsequential incidents was the current unbearable tension between Qing Jing and Bai Zhan— an acceleration of the historical rivalry that, seemingly overnight, transformed both Peaks into a land of chaos and war.
“So…” Yue Qi had a hard time wrapping his head around this whole thing. “So all this is caused by a boiled chicken? Were you stealing each other's food supplies?”
“NO!” Liu Qingge was tied to his chair by at least two layers of immortal-binding ropes. Of course, as the Head Disciple, Yue Qi must take precautions and prioritize the safety of all parties. So when he kidnapped Liu Qingge during his sleep, he made sure to use these unbreakable ropes so the Bai Zhan disciple couldn’t resist and end up hurting them both. “HE’S NOT A BOILED CHICKEN! HE’S JUST CHICKEN.”
Ugh…
“Wait. So is it a chicken or not?”
“HE’S CHICKEN!!! IT WAS THE NAME HE WAS BORN WITH AND IT WILL BE THE NAME HE DIES WITH!!!”
Yue Qi felt something inside of him wilt a little. Liu Qingge really wasn’t good at explaining things, was he… Oh well, perhaps this was his own fault. It was a mistake to expect such things out of the most famous Bai Zhan disciple— famed for (allegedly) being accidentally dropped down a mountain by his mother as a child and thus suffering severe brain damage. (For reference, the other Bai Zhan disciples were only dropped on the head, not off a mountain).
“Then, where is the chicken? Did it escape from the kitchens?”
Liu Qingge looked utterly outraged. “HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!!! CHICKEN WOULD NEVER BREAK INTO THE KITCHEN (more than once a day, I think)!!!”
Yeah, this wasn’t helpful.
And so to complete this job quickly before other tasks quickly piled up, Yue Qi decided to bite the bullet and pick the other main culprit of this whole incident.
“So, Shen-Shidi, where is this chicken?” No time for pleasantries or familiarity. He had a chicken to find (and possibly pluck its feathers and eat for causing so much mind-numbing work for the poor Head Disciple).
“What.” Shen Jiu looked offended. “Are you going to steal him again?”
“Oh, the chicken is a him?. So it’s a rooster?”
“...” Shen Jiu gave him a look. “Are you stupid?”
“...I wouldn’t be so stupid if someone actually explained what was going on. Shen-Shidi, I’m too busy right now to be led on a…”
On a wild goose chase.
...
On a wild chicken chase?
Before Yue Qi could restart his brain and rid himself of this formidable chicken, Shen Jiu grunted loudly and continued to fight back against the immortal-binding ropes that tied him down to the chair (another safety measure). “I WON’T HAND CHICKEN OVER!!! I WON’T LOSE TO THE BAI ZHAN IDIOT! I WON’T RETURN HIM AND NOR WILL THE OTHER QING JING DISCIPLES!!!”
“I WON’T—”
MOOOOOOOOO.
There was something outside the door. It was a sound so gargantuan and awe-inspiring that the door was visibly vibrating— shaking on its hinges.
Confused, Yue Qi muttered to himself: “Since when were there cows on Qing Jing Peak…”
But when he opened the door…
Moooooo.
“Chicken!!!” Shen Jiu sounded as if he was begging for his life. “Chicken!!! Run away! Don’t let the bastard take you back to Bai Zhan Peak!!!”
Moooooo.
But the cat didn’t care at all.
Like the Buddha, blind and deaf to all worries of the worldly human realm, the fatty strutted its fat swaying belly across the room— jumping onto Shen Jiu’s lap and then tucking his limbs underneath himself.
Like this, it looked like a big fat roasted turkey, ready to be carved into serving portions.
And Yue Qi…
Yue Qi… He…
“Xiao Jiu… Chicken is… quite a good name for him.”
“Don’t call me that you bastard—”
But before Shen Jiu could fall into a rage that made him foolish— something even more stupid happened.
Despite being tucked into a nice secure loaf, shaken by Shen Jiu's sudden rage, Chicken abruptly toppled over and landed on the ground with a PLAP. But since the cat was too lazy and unbothered to have its comfort affected by such things as falling off its bed, it merely remained in its tucked-in loafing position.
On the ground, after bouncing and jiggling a little, Chicken still held that peaceful enlightened posture— as if Chicken was a meditating Buddha, unbothered by the typhoons or floods or earthquakes of the mind or body.
Or, more accurately, it looked like someone had dropped a massive raw chicken onto the floor mid-way through cooking a banquet.
“...”
“...”
“...”
Yue Qi thought that Chicken was named quite impressively.
Glurg glurg glurg glurg.
And now, Yue Qi has had enough of this.
Without hesitating for more than a second, the Qiong Ding Head Disciple decided to solve the whole issue with one single move: He flew off into the sky with Chicken’s stomach flopping around in his arms. A couple of pathetic words slipped through his lips: “I’m sorry, Xiao Jiu, I’ll be leaving you again—”
“GIVE BACK CHICKEN!!!”
And like that, Qi-ge had abandoned Xiao-Jiu again— just like before during that night in the Qiu Manor… just like—
“DON’T LOOK SO SAD, YOU BASTARD!!!” Shen Jiu was still tied down to the seat, but now his thrashing around had knocked himself over and onto the floor.
“GIVE ME BACK MY CHICKEN!!! OR ELSE I’LL BRING CARNAGE UPON YOU!!!”
Then, seeing the peaceful and pacified look on Chicken’s face as Yue Qi scratched one of his three chins, Shen Jiu suddenly felt rather offended by the feline’s instantaneous change of factions.
“CHICKEN!!! I’LL TURN YOU INTO A STEW, YOU FAT BASTARD!”
—---------------
Okay, so maybe Yue Qi wasn’t so good at peace-keeping and passivity— of knowing when to fight with fists or words, blah blah blah.
This was what Mu Qingfang thought as he stormed unhappily through Qian Cao’s emergency care department, the most stressful branch of the Qian Cao hospital.
What the hell is going on!? Why are so many Qiong Ding, Bai Zhan and Qing Jing Disciples being seriously injured right now??? There are at least a hundred disciples with broken bones and another hundred with concussions!!!
Was there something serious going on between these three Peaks? Although he wasn’t too interested in inter-Peak politics, Mu Qingfang understood that there was a historical feud between Bai Zhan and Qing Jing. However, since when did this rivalry get this violent???
AND SINCE WHEN DID THE PRIM AND PROPER QIONG DING PEAK GET INVOLVED IN THIS FRIVOLOUS THING???
“Please… Mu-Shixiong…” A young Qiong Ding disciple quietly forced out these words through a hoarse throat. It sounded like the young man was on his deathbed. “Please… hear my final wish…”
“What final wish? You literally only got knocked out. In fact, you shouldn’t even be in emergency care and wasting a bed! Are you stupid? Why are you acting so—”
“Please… You must take this…”
Then, the “dying” disciple on his “deathbed” slipped a large sack out of his robes, indicating for Mu Qingfang to take it off of him.
“You must hide him from the others… it’s the only way to stop it… it’s the only way to end this war…”
"War? Are you crazy??? Actually, I think you have a concussion, please stay here and this doctor-in-training will—"
Then, the disciple’s eyes began to flutter shut as if falling into a deep slumber, readying himself for reincarnation.
“You must bring this great treasure to someone safe… someone who can fix this all… Mu-Shixiong, you will become the great savior of our times—”
SLAP!
Mu Qingfang hit the disciple’s face before the young man could pretend to play dead in a hospital. “Stop it! You're going to panic the other Qian Cao disciples." But it seemed like these words were wasted as the disciple, despite being slapped, had already fallen into a deep unconsciousness. "Ugh… How annoying! What is even in this bag…”
There was a cat in the sack.
A very fat cat that looked like the boiled chicken they served to patients.
“...What even—”
BAM BAM BAM BAAAAAAAAM!!!
The door to the emergency care room shattered into splinters as Liu Qingge suddenly flew into the room.
“WHERE’S CHICKEN!!!”
And following his instinct, Mu Qingfang knew that he was the great savior of his times— the one who would deliver peace to the sect. So as the other Qian Cao disciples began to throw themselves onto Liu Qingge to stop him from wrecking the emergency care room, Mu Qingfang slipped the fat sack into the front parting of his robes before quietly exiting the soon-to-be battlefield that they once called a hospital.
(War crimes…)
Mu Qingfang hugged the cat sack firmly to his chest.
(War crimes are being committed…)
Knowing the hospital better than the back of his hands, Mu Qingfang slid through the corridors and began to make the journey to Qiong Ding Peak— to the Sect Leader who would surely receive this fatty cat and resolve this war and—
“Stop there!”
Shen Jiu was standing in his way.
A dull practice sword was unsheathed in his hand, shimmering in the light, threatening.
“Shen-Shidi…” Mu Qingfang tried to look normal— tried to flatten down and hide the large bump in his robes— the cat. “It’s against international rules to unsheathe a blade in the Qian Cao’s hospital building—”
“What’s that in your robe!?” Shen Jiu ignored the doctor's desperate pleas, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Empty your pockets! Now!”
Ah. This definitely wasn’t good.
“W-Wait!!” Mu Qingfang was begging but Shen Jiu was only getting closer now. “It’s against inter-sect policies to threaten a healer!!! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!!!!”
Now, Shen Jiu was trying to tear off Mu Qingfang’s clothes— to reveal his chest and, eventually, the cat in the sack that he was hiding and—
“SHEN-SHIDI, PLEASE! PLEASE!!!!”
“GIVE ME CHICKEN!!! I NEED CHICKEN. I CAN’T LET THE BAI ZHAN BRUTES WIN! HAND CHICKEN OVER TO ME!!!”
“WAIT I’LL GIVE YOU CHICKEN— THE KITCHEN, I’LL COOK YOU SOME KITCHEN— HELP— SOMEONE HELP ME—”
BAM!
Kicking through the outside wall, Yue Qi crashed through the hospital wall and into the fight.
Within a nano-second of revealing himself, without warning, Shen Jiu flew across the corridor— crashing into the opposite wall and leaving behind a small crater in the hospital that was now a warzone.
“Mu-Shidi.” Spinning around, Yue Qingyuan grabbed Mu Qingfang’s shoulders and shook him— he made sure the doctor-in-training was looking at him directly in the eyes, making sure his ears were empty of all but the future Sect Leader’s utterances.
“Mu-Shidi. This is of utmost importance. I have already done all that I could to rescue this situation— I’ve even sent my own forces from Qiong Ding Peak to control those two Peaks… But in the end, it was all hopeless. The Qing Jing forces… the Bai Zhan warriors… cannot be stopped without some ultimate power descending upon them.”
“Yue-Shixiong??? I don’t understand— what’s going on—”
“Be quiet! Don’t let anyone hear you! You must go to my Shizun— to the Sect Leader! You must bring Chicken to him! Only the Sect Leader can save us!”
“What… Wait. Chicken…? Do you mean the cat—”
“YUE QI, YOU BASTARD!” Shen Jiu was already awake and, in a single step, he had breached their area— swinging his dull practice blade into them and—
“RUN!” Yue Qi blocked the blow with his body, allowing the sword to bruise his back before sending his own counter-attack toward Shen Jiu. “DON’T LET ANYONE CATCH YOU!!! RUN! SAVE US!”
And before Shen Jiu’s outstretched arm could pull Mu Qingfang back into the foray, the savior of our times— the messenger of peace, Mu Qingfang— had already darted off into the distance. He ran with all his might— knocking all sorts of disciples out of the way— making sure the crucial cat hidden within his robes was never touched nor harmed.
No, this Chicken was too precious— too important.
“GRAB HIM! MU-SHIXIONG HAS CHICKEN!”
Mu Qingfang crashed into the young disciple like a boulder— throwing the small wrestling Bai Zhan disciple off of him and into a nearby stone wall.
(It was no time to be a doctor!)
“HERE! MU-SHIXIONG IS HERE! SOMEONE HELP ME STOP HIM—”
Mu Qingfang threw the young Qing Jing disciple off the Rainbow Bridge and into the deep caverns below.
(...)
(...)
(Okay, maybe that wasn’t such a great idea—)
There was no time to stop!!!
He had to run!
And run!
Run!
And—
“SECT LEADER, CHICKEN IS HERE!!!”
The Sect Leader, ignorant to the current sect matters (which he had purposefully handed over to his talented head disciple) could only stare at the fat cat with both awe and…
“Disciple Mu. What the hell is this?”
Then, the Sect Leader heard a loud noise echo from outside— sounding like the metal screeches and terrors of war. Looking out of the window, the Sect Leader—
Mooooooooo.
"..."
"..."
“What… WHAT DID THAT YUE QI DO TO MY SECT???”
—-----------
When Shen Yuan died from eating expired yogurt and ended up in the absolute worst web novel to be transmigrated into— he thought he had it bad…
Not only was he in the Proud Immortal Demon Way, but he was also a cat??? How horrible!!! If ordinary humans struggled to live in this world, then what chance did a little kitten like him have!?
This worry plagued his little kitten brain for days, making him cry uncontrollably for so long it made his cat mother super worried— before realizing that the runt of the litter was simply a loud crier. Since keeping around a massive all-encompassing siren was a large safety concern for the rest of the litter, his mother had quickly abandoned him near a large pile of trash.
NOOOOOOOOO DON’T ABANDON ME, MOTHER!!!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—
“What…” A young boy with rich clothes suddenly wandered into the trash alleyway. The boy picked up the tiny kitten. “Are you a cow? Why do you meow so strangely? Are you a stupid cat?”
YOU BASTARD I’M TRYING TO GODDAMN MEOW PROPERLY YOU TRY BEING A CAT AND GETTING USED TO THIS AND—
And that was how Shen Yuan became the prized (and very spoiled) pet of the Liu Manor.
“His name will be Chicken.”
“...”
“...”
“...”
CHICKEN????
I WON’T STAND IT!!! I’M A HUMAN! I HAVE HUMAN DIGNITY! I HAVE—
But soon, Shen Yuan had nothing left to complain about. Not only was he pampered and massaged every day, but every person in the Liu Manor treated him like he was some ascended deity!
Every meal must be offered to Chicken.
Every door must be opened for Chicken's holy arrival.
Ah… If being called “Chicken” is all I needed to achieve a heaven on earth, then that’s okay.
Like this, Shen Yuan became utterly complacent with his current predicament and life. And this life of utter bliss continued when the Young Master Liu— his most devoted follower— brought him along on some long holiday.
And this excellent existence which surpassed all other lives continued onwards after he was registered into the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s registry for—
CANG QIONG MOUNTAIN SECT???
Shen Yuan raised his fatty head toward the Young Master Liu— no, toward LIU QINGGE!!!??
It’s Liu Qingge!!! Shen Yuan suddenly became super active. It’s the character I wanted to see the most in Proud Immortal Demon Way!!!
Then, a thought buried itself into the transmigrator’s mind:
I’m currently in the past before Luo Binghe enters the Sect. Even if I’m just a cat, perhaps I can still alter the story and prevent the events that lead to Luo Binghe's merging of the three realms!
After all, even if he had become a spiritual animal, there was definitely no way of surviving such a calamity— especially if his Young Master Liu had been killed by the Scum Villain…
Speaking about the Scum Villain Shen Qingqiu… wasn't this the perfect time to shove that antagonist onto the path of virtue? Thinking about this possibility, about playing such a large role in the story... it suddenly made the fatty Chicken even more energetic to the point he was abruptly brought to Qian Cao for an emergency check-up. Liu Qingge was fearful that Chicken was experiencing his last hurrah of strength before succumbing to some unnoticed disease.
But after the medical check-up ("Liu-Shidi, Chicken is fine. He’s probably just hungry and wants your attention.”), Shen Yuan had decided with all his heart to put an end to Shen Qingqiu’s path of villainy while things were still premature and malleable!
After all, nobody could resist Chicken! Surely, after some playing and cuddling, even the Scum Villain would be altered!
“...”
But...
...
...
...
After escaping that whole kidnapping situation with Liu Qingge, Shen Qingqiu and Mu Qingfang, Shen Yuan was now staring directly into the Sect Leader’s eyes.
The Sect Leader frowned back at this fatty chicken-looking cat.
“...”
“...”
“...”
IT’S NOT LIKE I PLANNED FOR THINGS TO TURN OUT LIKE THIS, ALRIGHT???
The Qiong Ding Peak Lord glared at Chicken.
Sect Leader!!! Don’t look at me like I’m the culprit!!!
In front of the current Cang Qiong Sect Leader were the main culprits of this major incident: Liu Qingge (who had broken the rules and brought his cat to the sect); Shen Jiu (who had a major hand in mobilizing the Qing Jing disciples into guerilla warfare); and... the Bai Zhan Peak Lord.
“You are a Peak Lord. Are you crazy???" The Sect Leader could barely take it any longer. "You should’ve sent the cat back home the moment you realized your Disciple was breaking the rules. And also… Why are you participating in these children's games??? You're an adult! Are you that bored? Should I give you more paperwork?”
Indeed, the Bai Zhan Peak Lord was bored enough to seize the opportunity to send over half of Qing Jing Peak to Qian Cao’s emergency room. There was nothing more fun than beating up another household's children.
“Get lost. You shouldn’t be beating up the sect’s disciples nor should you be encouraging these kinds of activities. It’ll be two years in detention for you, Bai Zhan Peak Lord. Maybe if you’re good enough I’ll give you a probation period.”
And like that, the Bai Zhan Peak Lord was dragged off to prison.
Then, the Sect Leader pulled his long-exhausted attention back to the two children in front of him— and then to the fat cat he carried in his hands, staring into his soul.
PLEASEEEEEEE!!! SECT LEADER DON’T KILL ME!!!
The Sect Leader ignored Chicken’s pitiful howls and instead addressed the two children:
“You can’t be doing something like this… It’s one thing to participate in some rivalry, and it’s another thing to completely trash almost four Peaks! You hear me!? FOUR PEAKS! Qing Jing Peak is trashed, and so is Bai Zhan. Qiong Ding Peak got off relatively lightly but Qian Cao… Oh Lord, Qian Cao…”
To calm his stress, the Sect Leader began to pet the fat Chicken in his arms.
“Qian Cao… the entire Peak is... Ugh… Why did you two think it was a good idea to bring the battle to a hospital???”
“...”
Shen Jiu was smart enough to silently let himself be scolded.
Liu Qingge, however, was not.
“I JUST WANTED TO RECLAIM MY CHICKEN—”
“Disciple Liu, if you continue to shout like that, I’ll be forced to send you into detention alongside your Shizun. I’m not looking for excuses or reasons, I’m just here to inform you that you’ve done something wrong. That’s it.”
The Sect Leader sighed and rubbed one of the cat’s chins. Shen Yuan started to purr again.
Glurg glurg glurg glurg.
“Really…” The Sect Leader spoke to no one in particular. “This is too stressful… I’ve got to ascend soon…”
Glurg glurg glurg glurg.
"..."
Shen Yuan couldn’t hold back his stomach's growl of hunger.
—-------------
Luckily, Chicken didn’t get sent to the butchers for his crimes against humanity.
Instead (additionally as Liu Qingge's punishment), the Sect Leader decided to claim Chicken as the sect’s property— allowing him to largely wander anywhere he wanted. It also meant that all were prohibited from owning or trapping Chicken, hopefully preventing more of that kidnapping nonsense from happening.
But despite this, the Sect Leader realized he could never rid these wretched disciples of their primal urge to invade and conquer their own allies. And so that all the disciple's too-excitable energy could be exerted without too much damage again, the Sect Leader declared there to be a “Chicken Chase” every year.
In this inter-peak competition, Chicken would be let loose for around three hours— looking for a crook or hidden location to sleep in— before the cultivators would be let loose.
(Luckily, Chicken was quite the calm and peaceful cat— unbothered by such things as being used as a prop in a tournament, or being kidnapped constantly in said tournament.)
There were no rules in this Chicken Chase (except for fighting or hiding Chicken in Qian Cao. No hospital-related war crimes were allowed.)
Disciples could kidnap and steal Chicken from each other (but make sure not to hurt Chicken). It was human against human (but they were not allowed to seriously injure each other)— mortal against mortal (and the Peak Lords weren’t allowed to directly participate in the Chicken Chase) and—
Okay, maybe there were quite a bit of rules.
“In any case, A-Luo, don’t worry about the rules. Nobody really follows them anyway!”
Luo Binghe looked a little nervous. He was out of place in the energetic hustle and bustle of the Chicken Chase preparation room. Disciples were rushing around him, preparing themselves like they were about to join a war.
Luo Binghe tried to be heard despite the noise around him: “So… Are we looking for a chicken?”
“A chicken?” Ning Yingying looked rather horrified. “A-Luo… it’s not just any chicken… it’s THE CHICKEN!”
Luo Binghe was still a little confused… But as a new disciple, he knew to just stay quiet— to obediently nod at whatever his crazy Shijie was trying to say about this strange tournament they were currently gearing up for.
Ning Yingying began to sharpen her training sword (wait, isn’t that against the rules—) “A-Luo, when the bell rings, you should probably stay close to me! I’m super good at playing this game! I helped Shizun win the Chicken Chase last year— ah, but don’t tell anyone that Shizun secretly participated in it last time… Oh, whatever, if Bai Zhan accuses us of cheating, we'll reveal that it was Liu-Shishu who had set up those bombs the year prior!”
Luo Binghe felt himself sweat. “Bombs…?”
“Oh, don’t worry! You’ll be fineeeeeeee…"
"..."
"..."
"(I think).”
But before Luo Binghe could quite worriedly ask for more help—
RING RING RING RING RING RING!!!
The bell had already rung and Ning Yingying…
“Shijie… You promised you would help me…” But Luo Binghe was immediately left in the dust as his totally helpful Shijie darted out of the starting room. And with her leading the way, the rest of the Qing Jing Disciples followed suit.
In the blink of an eye, Luo Binghe was the only person left in the area… No! He couldn't feel upset! He couldn't feel afraid! He must go out and—
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“...” Was that a bomb? Or was it the general melody of destruction… In any case, Luo Binghe didn’t feel a strong urge to go outside and experience this strange war…
Squatting down, Luo Binghe curled his body into himself.
But if I hide here… Shijie might dislike me for not helping Qing Jing win the competition… And it’s not like I want Qing Jing to lose… I’m just too weak… I’m too hopeless… I shouldn’t have joined Cang Qiong at all! I shouldn’t have been—
MOOOOOOOOO.
An enormous cat suddenly walked into the room.
It was as white and fatty as the shredded chicken he fed his sickly mother. Luo Binghe couldn’t take his eyes off it— admiring how it was able to walk so quickly despite its rather wide stance.
“Who…” Luo Binghe felt his voice choke up and— oh, he didn't realize he had been crying… “Who are you, kitty… Are you scared as well? I don’t know what’s happening… I don’t understand…”
Luo Binghe felt himself cry more. He couldn’t control it… He just… He just couldn’t…
But then, he felt wide paws step onto his knees.
Rubbing its head against Luo Binghe’s face, the cat wiped away his weeping.
And as tears soaked into its white fur, Luo Binghe couldn’t help but rub his head back against the friendly feline's fur— smiling as long whiskers tickled his nose, lightly laughing as the cat was now more aggressively scenting the young boy and—
And—
Liu Qingge was standing at the doorway, wearing a shoddy and easily seen-through disguise.
The Bai Zhan Peak Lord took a massive breath of air, before:
“ATTENTION TO ONLY BAI ZHAN DISCIPLES!!! ATTENTION!!! ATTENTION!!! CHICKEN IS HERE! IF YOU’RE A QING JING DISCIPLE IGNORE MY SHOUTING!!!”
Overwhelmingly shocked, Luo Binghe listened to this supposedly private Bai Zhan announcement with widened eyes and a slack jaw.
And Chicken…
Glurg glurg glurg glurg
Chicken was chewing on Luo Binghe’s hair as if it was some boiled piece of meat.