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Maybe once or twice a day, Lucy thinks to herself how lucky she is to have Julien in her life.
She has known her for nine years now. Almost a decade. That’s longer than her whole adult life so far. She has never found someone else who she connected as quickly as with her. She was this girl. This 5 foot girl with a lot of heart, good humor, smart personality and sheer willpower to take on anything. She likes everything about her: her tattoos, her cooking, her ability to make people happy about themselves. The way she cares for her dog Beans, the way she tends to do chores in a dash, the way she never takes no for an answer when told to.
That is the Julien she loves so much.
This is also the Julien that she’s in a committed relationship with. It’s now going on two years (god, that long?). It still didn’t feel real that this between them happened. Like they both knew it was meant to be, but the timing wasn’t right at the time. Things were different back then. They were with other people. Julien had a girlfriend so she loved so much. Lucy was with her guitarist boyfriend, who she also loved dearly. However, and she later wrote a song about, that she would be willing to ruin it for the sake of being with someone else.
She didn’t admit to it until later on, but that someone was Julien.
Her feelings for her grew into something stronger. Sure, they had those crushes when they met, but they kept it out at bay, like it wasn’t a huge deal. It’s scary knowing when you have a crush on one of your best friends, knowing the deep state of what would happen if the road went somewhere else, but Lucy never stopped thinking about her, and from the looks of it, Julien never stopped thinking about her too.
If it wasn’t for the boys and their big tour, none of this would’ve happened. This little life they had with each other. This life that both Lucy and Julien would never thought would actually happen.
There were moments when she wakes up and she sees Julien, her sweet girl, laid down in their shared bed, and she smiles to herself how in the world she looks so gorgeous with her naked body in those sheets.
There were moments where she savors of the view of Julien cooking. She was such a good cook, and a talented one too. She considers all the talks they have about how maybe she could consider cooking a second job outside of singing, and how she plays it off, saying it wasn’t worth it and could do it only for her.
There were moments where she thinks of their love making, and how sometimes each of them were in control. Sometimes their sex was sweet and soft, sometimes it was rough and hot. One would be on top and one would be on the bottom. It didn’t matter. As long as they both knew what they were doing, it really is a great experience for them.
There were moments when one of them had their bad days. Like when one of them is on their periods, and needed comforting when it just hurt too much. Another example is when Lucy asks for a nice bath after a hard day, and of course Julien would deliver to expectations. Then, they get cuddled into a blanket, and Lucy gets all flustered when Julien looks at her, like a “thanks” wants to be given out.
Sometimes she sees it in her eyes. How patient she is with her. How willing she is to take her on. How perfect she is for her wholeheartedly.
Every time she kisses her, something sparks in her. It feels like butterflies, but in an intense way. It feels natural. It feels safe. It feels magical. It makes it real. She remembers when she kissed her for the first time, during the makeout session of the True Blue video. She was so nervous about kissing her, how much she dreamt about it, and when it happened, all of her worries went away as her lips touched hers.
Every time she feels her embrace, it feels like her heart could stop at any moment, but the feeling subsides when her body warms up to her girlfriend’s softness. Her anxiety leaves her mind, and goes directly into a fog full of happiness and thoughts about her. It makes her feel funny sometimes, but when she sees her eyes, it’s so worth it.
And most importantly, she has made her a better person. She has learned to not be too hard on herself and to let things happen. She has learned that things like this won’t last forever, but she already has someone she can share those feelings with. And she has learned to be in the moment.
They have learned so much from each other. About what their favorite things are. About the stuff that turns them on and off. About dealing with the harder stuff that life deals with them. And then, both of them remember that they have each other. They were inseparable, like an unbreakable chain, like two peas in a pod. They never wanted to leave each other’s side, just staying there to make it last longer.
Sometimes, Lucy does think about the future. Does she and Julien want to settle down? Get married and have beautiful rings in their hands? Have kids? Grow old together?
She wonders about that every day, but she knew she wanted to make that happen. She and her would be such perfect parents, and she would love to her call her sweet girl her wife.
But not now, she thinks.
Right now, she sees her sleeping, in their bed, cuddled up, her long hair ruffled in her face. She holds a bit of her hair and plays with it, kissing it and smiles into it.
There was nothing in the world that would stop her from loving her girl.