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“You sure you want to do this?” Julien whispered in Lucy’s ear, the nervousness coming out of her mind and into existence, gripping the sheets with her fingers, hoping it would calm the smaller girl down.
Here they were again. Another conversation about the obvious. About their relationship. About if they want it out there to people to know, for them to know they were together. It was an on again off again discussion about it, both of them just trying to ignore it for their privacy and safety. They love each other, and of course they don’t owe anyone or the fans anything, but of course, there would be a day when she does have to tell the world about them. About them being in Los Angeles and dating and have a house and what not. It felt like a sacred thing, sacrificing something in return for your own good, but Lucy knew it too, that it would happen eventually.
But now, that eventually is happening much sooner than both of them expected. Lucy’s new album was coming, and she was so excited for that, to let everyone know she was more than the boys, than what most of them expected of her, but she could not forget about the songs. She knew she had to talk about what they meant and what it was about. How could she explain what Best Guess is about? Who’s the friend she’s talking to in Modigliani? Who broke her heart in Talk and Bullseye?
And most importantly, was Most Wanted Man about her own bandmate? All because it had Tennessee in it?
She knew it was going to be difficult getting it out there. She knew it was going to be difficult for Julien too. She too had a new project out soon, a country album with Mackenzie, and part of her knew it was going to be uncomfortable trying to answer questions about their relationship if asked. She wasn’t built like that, and she wants to keep every relationship with her loved ones as private as possible without any interference. Lucy lets her keep that peace, but it was getting harder to control, especially with the comments out there about her involvement in Lucy’s songs.
But she does want to tell, because it is so exciting and special and so freeing. What they have is like sacred ground to both of them, and of course they want to keep it that way. It’s just the feeling of what the unknown would look like. They’ve changed so much in the past few years, and being together was one of them. How could they make it any more official than it already was?
The fans already know, because of their secret whereabouts and other doings. They appreciate that they protect their little bubble and respect their privacy, but at the same time, reporters are reporters, and they have to do their service and tell people what they’ve been assigned to. They get hands on music early for research on what to ask or not, and it would be scary to say out loud in print that you’re dating someone.
Then again, part of Lucy doesn’t care anymore.
She has said it herself. She is in charge of her own life after all. If it blows up, she’s still alive, and if it all fails and becomes into something bigger, she blows it up again. Simple as that.
She would be willing to give up this special little piece of her life, for the sake of what this album means to her.
After thinking all of this through, Lucy finally sighs, turning her head around to see her girlfriend’s lovely face.
“I wouldn’t do anything you were afraid to do.”
“But…I’m just not ready for this, Luce. I don’t want people to just know me outside of the band for being with you. I just want us to be our own things, no questions about it.”
“JB, they’re going to know. The cat will be out of the bag sooner than later. I know it’s scary, us being out there in the open, but this would be good for us. I don’t have to mention you much, but they’ll know it’s about you, and I promise I’ll do my best to protect this, and to protect us, but that’s if you’re okay with it.”
“But what about me? I’m not that good at being a professional in asking about relationships, unlike you are.”
Julien hesitated, but Lucy, in her ever loving way, nurtures her with the touch of her hand on hers.
“You don’t have to. No one is. The important thing is that I love you, and nothing will ever change that. I can’t stop thinking about this, and it’s about time they know, even if it means no longer shielding our relationship so secretly. I know you’re nervous about this, I’m nervous too, but the fact that we have each other, and we can storm this out if it all blows up, is what is motivating me to do this. This is so important to me, all of this is, and if I had to do this all over again for you, I definitely would.”
Something sparks in Julien as Lucy finishes. She knows how much this meant to her, to protect this thing they have, because it matters so much to them. But also, she felt scared about the future, of calling her Lucy’s girlfriend in the open outside of close friends. There’s so many things that scares her, but she knew Lucy would always be her hook and ladder to pick her up and get her right again. She had to be brave, for her, for Lucy, and for whatever lay ahead of them.
Then, she said it out loud.
“I’ll be willing to try, if that’s what you want.”
Lucy smiles softly, putting her head next to her shoulder, her hands still tangling with her inked ones.
“Are you sure? Like…really sure?” She questioned her again, just to be more than sure, to make sure all of this would be real.
“I’m- I’m going to try to start telling people too, if it’s okay with you.”
The anxiety that was inside Lucy hours ago all but disappeared, the intrusive cloud of thoughts leaving her completely. They were finally agreeing on the fate of their secret. The secret they and only their friends knew for so long. While it would difficult to control and more challenging to prove of, she knew she can take it, for her and Julien’s sake. Who cares if crazy fans and nonsense gets in the way? She loves her girl, the one who would always make her heart swell with her entire existence.
And she hugs her, so big and bright. She hides in her chest, and stays there, feeling her, feeling her warmth all around her, feeling so many thoughts about this, about revealing something so precious and blissful and beautiful between them, but right now, she would stay there, never letting go, not for a while, and kisses her body, letting her know she was so loved by her and only her.
“I love you, Jules.” She softly whispers as she looks up to her.
Julien, now looking more at peace with it, moves her fingers to her hair, playing with it, twirling with it, just as she likes it, and just like she loves her with all of her heart.
“I love you too, cupcake.” She says back, loving being in the moment with her, no matter what would happen from here on out. There were no words to be said. Just the two of them, in their bed, relishing each other and never letting go.
They are in love, and it’s everybody’s business.