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When I Look At You

Summary:

⁀➷⊹ ࣪ ˖~
He was just here…they were having such an amazing day…Their day. Valentine's Day, Hyunjin loved so much…
⁀➷⊹ ࣪ ˖~

Notes:

Typical Candy fashion. I am late. And I am bringing the sads on this nice, happy holiday...hehe...buckle up! This one's...tragic...and I hope you like it..and yes the tags are spoilers, sorry I had to tag properly! So you have been warned again!

Also...look out, again, typical Candy fashion, I have a really happy and steamy Minsung VDay fic coming soon...maybe tomorrow!

 

While writing this, I realized a song really reminds me of it! So...if you're interested I have two versions I highly recommend you listen to while reading (it's opera tho)~I listened to it the whole time editing and sorry I'm yappin so much I love you, enjoy <3

 

My fav version~yes it's a vtuber, yes it's amazing<3
~

<3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

⁀➷⊹ ࣪ ˖~

Hyunjin smiles fondly as he watches his clumsy boyfriend stumble in his new loafers he had bought him for their date today. Hyunjin loves Valentine’s Day, he’s a sucker for it, everything filled with pinks and reds, the flowers decorating every window he passes, the couples all holding hands, cuddling closer to their partners. And, now that he has had someone to spend the day with for five years, his love for it grows every single year.

Jeongin stumbles to him while holding a bouquet of purple tulips and pink roses, his favorites. He giggles,   “Careful Innie”   He calls out and flutters his lashes, smiling and holding his hands out for him, ignoring the stares from other passersby. Jeongin sheepishly grins, eyes disappearing while his dimples pool on his red cheeks. He gets up from the cold bench he was sitting on, waiting for him, standing and holding Jeongin’s hips,   “Hi love.”   he greets, Jeongin grins,   “Hi hyungie, I um…got these for you.”   Jeongin offers the flowers shyly…even after all these years…he never changes. 

“Thank you baby! They are gorgeous…”   Jeongin nods surely,   “Just like you~”   he flirts and Hyunjin gasps dramatically.   “Oh! Smooth talker!”   He breaks into giggles and leans as Jeongin hugs his waist closer, kissing his brightening cheeks softly,   “How was work?”   he asks and Hyunjin has to take breaths before answering,   “Good! I got some new pieces seen by an art director.”   Jeongin raises a brow and nods,   “That’s exciting…wow….did they say anything?”   Hyunjin grins, wiggling his shoulders and subtly sniffing his flowers,   “Yup…they agreed to put it in their museum for the exhibit!”   He cheerfully said and Jeongin gasped, gently shaking him,   “That’s amazing! Look at my baby go!”   He praised and Hyunjin squealed, shrinking into himself shyly and giggling louder as Jeongin peppered kisses all over his face. Pressing against his lips and rubbing his hands up his back. Hyunjin sighed into it and melted against his warmth…

 

⁀➷⊹ ࣪ ˖~

 

Hyunjin looks out of the restaurant window. Sighing and drinking in the view, the sunset painted in oranges and pinks, deep and glowy, reflecting a perfect image onto the river below. He wants to capture it and this moment…hold it with him forever. Looking back to the red velvet seat across from him and tilting his head, blinking up and breaking into a smile,   “You look so beautiful…”   Jeongin compliments with a dreamy sigh, Hyunjin ducks his head, a piece of hair falling on his face from his half-up, half-down bun,   “Thank you…I wanted something…different.”   he comments. Usually, he just puts his hair up all of the way. It was getting longer…but Jeongin liked it, so he keeps it that way. He was also trying out a new outfit. He was in an all plum red denim fabric suit, with a gold and pink patterned floral shirt underneath…He never dresses up this fancy outside of the rare exhibits he has…he was mainly wearing this because Jeongin was in a matching plum sweater, with really cute pink slacks, accompanied by their cute brown loafers. They don’t normally go out for dates. Both homebodies and just need each other's presence. Jeongin hums softly,   “Mesmerizing.”   He winks at him and Hyunjin splutters. Breaking into an embarrassed giggle as the waitress comes up to the table to take their order. She looks at him with a gentle smile,   “Hello Sir, what would you like to order?”   She asks, focusing on him, he perks, clearing his throat,   “Oh! We’d like to try the heart pasta with the heart-shaped garlic bread.”   he says, smiling up and clutching his hands together, proud of himself that he didn’t stutter, usually Jeongin orders for them. She hummed, tapping it into her small tablet, and looked to the other seat, where Jeongin smiled,   “Drink of choice?”   She asked, looking back to him, he pursed his lips, looking back down at the menu…   “The…Strawberry Wine please?”   She nodded and tapped more,   “Perfect, it should be about fifteen minutes.”   Hyunjin nodded,   “Thank you!”   he said and wriggled, taking a deep inhale,   “See, you did well.”   Jeongin said and Hyunjin whined,   “I hate talking..”   “I know sweetheart.”   He sighed, tilting his head and smiling up at Jeongin,   “Is it too early to look for dessert too?”   He asked, wiggling his brows, Jeongin shook his head with a chuckle,   “Never too early for your sweet tooth.” 

Hyunjin bounces in his seat as the food arrives at their table. This is their favorite restaurant. They come here on their anniversary, and Valentine's Day, special occasions too but that was on the rare side. He smiled after she unscrewed the wine bottle and poured the pink drink into a glass, he tilted his head,   “Can…we get another glass?”   he asked timidly…she blinked,   “Uh…Oh yes, Sir of course! My apologies.”   She bowed and reached the bottle shelf of her small cart she had to deliver the food, putting another wine glass out and pouring a small bit. He clapped,   “Thank you so much!”   he thanked the waitress who smiled…a bit sadly at him,   “Enjoy your meal.”   she said and bowed, leaving them and Hyunjin just hummed. Looking down at the two dishes. Pushing it to the middle of the table for them to share. He happily scooped some pasta on his plate, looking to Jeongin who sighed, chin resting on his joined hands,   “I really love you Jinnie.”   Hyunjin, smiled, feeling his teeth poke his bottom lip,   “I really love you too Innie…”   he whispered and looked back down to his meal…picking his fork up and taking a small bite. His heart…pattering against his chest…tastes…just like it always did on these special days.

 

⁀➷⊹ ࣪ ˖~

 

He laughed, having to hold his full belly, Jeongin giggled beside him, their arms interlocked,   “I’m just saying. Chan Hyung needs to bag Min Hyung…Minho is way too cool to stay single forever.”   Hyunjin wiped a small tear, they may have been shit-talking Chan…Jeongin just knew how much Minho was getting fed up with Chan so obviously crushing on him…but not doing shit.   “My Brother isn’t a patient man…”   Jeongin continued, and Hyunjin giggled,   “No…No, he is not…and Chan is…so sensitive.”   “Horribly so, maybe you can get Changbinnie hyung to talk some sense into him?”   Jeongin suggested, Hyunjin perked, hopping a bit as they continued their walk along the Han River, the dazzling lights reflecting off of the water, the other couples minding their business and walking together as well.   “Oh yes…I so should…I just wanna see them happy again.”   he said, sighing.   “Me too..”   Jeongin agreed and held his arm tighter.

“Hey…”   Jeongin started, forcing him to stop walking and Jeongin walked in front of him, smiling and having his familiar, adorable head tilt. His hand fumbled with his right pocket.   “I’ve been thinking a lot recently…about the day we met…”   Jeongin started and Hyunjin felt his stomach swarm with butterflies…they had met in college, specifically, the first time Jeongin had been there after Hyunjin and Minho’s dance class they had together, delivering Minho’s coffee…Hyunjin fell first…and through Minho, he pushed them together because he was getting tired of both Hyunjin and Jeongin separately talking about one another and how much they wanted to talk to each other…it was extremely cute…Jeongin being the first to get his number and actually texting him…asking to meet up at a cafe near their campus and…the rest was history. 

He nodded, smiling wider as Jeongin nervously bit his lip,   “I think from our first date…I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you...I can’t…fathom being without you Jinnie. My..Soulmate.”   Jeongin rambled and Hyunjin felt his heart flutter. He swayed a bit,   “You’re my Soulmate…that’s something I figured out the first time I saw your nervous ass outside of our studio.”   He said, rocking on his heels and giggling at Jeongin's shy smile. Jeongin nodded though, taking ahold of his hand,  

“I know I’m not great with my words…I don’t write our love into poetry like you…I don't paint our beauty but…I hope you know I love you with all of my being Hwang Hyunjin…and…”   he said, and Hyunjin felt his smile falter as Jeongin…dropped to one knee and pulled out a purple velvet box from his pocket,   “And…will you do me the honor of being my forever…will you marry me Hyunjin?”   Hyunjin’s ears rang again, his eyes watering fast. He gasped in a breath…nodding like a mad man,   “y-yes…”   he whispered, sobbing out a bit,   “Yes! Oh my God, yes Jeongin!”   He cried and gracefully fell to his knees and hugged his…his Jeongin.

 

⁀➷

 

He curled up, still on his knees, clutching his left hand, fingers fumbling with the perfect…white, opal, triple moon ring, that had small diamonds on the side. He sobbed out louder, harder as tears soaked the concrete under him. He was shivering, hands numb and nose cold, his skin blistering red as the cold air breezed past him. Feeling his heart tear open again. His chest heaved as it attempted to get a full breath in, and he dissolved into the hard, dirty ground,   “c-come back…”   he whimpered out and sobbed, his throat aching painfully,   “p-please…please I need you…C-Come…Come back!”   he cried out harder. Picking himself up a bit and staring up at the dark sky, the slight starry night.   “I-Innie…”   he cried…shattered.   “Innie…please baby”   he begged…hoping…he could hear him. He was so empty. He was so lost…like a tidal wave colliding into him, the horrifying memories replaying so vividly in his mind. His Innie is gone. Just the horrible…bleak world around him now. 

He was just here…they were having such an amazing day…Their day. Valentine's Day, Hyunjin loved so much…

Not anymore though…not after…he lost his light. His love…in this very spot. After he had said yes to marrying his Innie, slipping the beautiful ring Jeongin custom made for him on, it happened all so fast…a drunk person stumbling by them…a sharp noise accompanied by shouting directed at them. And Jeongin had pushed Hyunjin down a bit hard, putting himself between him and the man. 

Blood. Blood was everywhere. His Innie’s blood. All over his arms, his clothes, others coming to help as all he could do was scream in horror. Someone tackling the man and snatching the butcher knife he used. Him cradling his Jeongin,   “N-No! D-Don’t you dare…l-leave me Yang Jeongin.”   He cried out and rocked them, trying to push against his wound…stop the pulsating blood from pouring out as a woman yelled on the phone for an ambulance.   “J-Jin…”   “No. Please baby…stay awake okay? No closing those pretty eyes…”   He rasped out. His heart beating out of his chest.   “Do not leave me.”   he repeated and felt his world crumble around him,  

“I-I’m sorry…that was…stupid…”   “Shh..”   he shook his head…this was too fast…too fucking…strange…where did he even come from? He could hear the man still yelling…something about how…wrong they were…two men…and in love…he shook his head and looked into his eyes,   “I love you so much Yang Jeongin, stay awake.”   Jeongin coughed, his pink lips covered with blood,   “Remember…at the cafe…that first time…y-you choked and spat your…c-coffee on me because…I-I called us…a twinkie couple…”   Jeongin…dared to bring up…Hyunjin shook his head in disbelief…giggling…beside himself,   “Yeah you little shit…I am not-”   “A twinkie…yeah yeah.”   Jeongin said and coughed harshly. Hyunjin took a shuddering breath. So much blood…he watched as his lover's eyes dulled second by second. Hushed words being spoken…and then…

 

His world died.

 

He sobbed uncontrollably. Flinching hard at a touch to his shoulder,   “Oh Jinnie…”   he wailed, falling into Minho’s body.   “I’ve got ya…”   Minho whispered and Hyunjin trembled harder,   “n-no…h-he was here Minho. I swear. H-He…We spent all day…together…he was here.”   He rambled on. He was sure of it…

Minho felt a lump in his throat lodge, holding Hyunjin’s shaking body close. Every year…this happens…losing Jeongin was…the hardest thing in his life, his baby brother was gone forever…But…Hyunjin took it the hardest…on particularly hard days of him…purposely forgetting to take his medicine…so he could ‘see his Innie again’ Hyunjin always ended up in this spot, broken all over again…reliving that day in his mind again…all he could do was hold him until he was ready to go home with him, give him his three medicines and hope this wasn’t his breaking point. He loves Hyunjin like he was his brother…because he is…he would have been officially…  

“Jinnie baby, Innie’s always here, watching over you. Right?”   Hyunjin sobbed out,   “No! He was here here. I’m not…crazy.”   “No you aren’t baby…you aren’t…”   he assured and just…rocked them…it was getting worse…these episodes…so bad that the waitress…that they have gotten close with… who served them every year and made sure to…appease Hyunjin’s…hard days, texted him a bit ago…how Hyunjin was truly…truly acting like Jeongin was right there…Minho knows he’s going to have to do something…something to help Hyunjin’s mental distress…but for now…he will hold him. Talk about how Innie was here, speaking, present…and get home safe…Texting Chan to prepare for tomorrow…of bringing all of their friends together and having a rest day…help Hyunjin back into reality.

 

⁀➷⊹ ࣪ ˖~

 

Hyunjin sniffles and looks down at the red, faux leather journal. The blue pen ink smudged from old tears. He stares longingly at his own written-out name in pretty handwriting. Reading his last journal entry…Jeongin rambling about how nervous he was to propose to him. He sighed and looked out their large windows. It was bleak outside. Gray and cloudy…just like his mind. He was a bit hazy from his meds…but he could hear soft talking from outside his door…knowing his amazing friends were out there ready to make him feel…alive again. Even though..it never lasts long…because oh…does he miss his sweet…sweet Jeongin.

He exhales shakily, thumbing over the dried purple tulip…glances up to the corner of his dark room, smiling,   “Hi Innie…”   he greeted, tilting his head as Jeongin smiled at him, soft and kind,   “Hi Jinnie, you should go out there.”   he suggested softly, his voice was just whispers whisping through his ears,   “Yeah…I should huh…”   he sighed and looked down at his hands…rubbed them on his sheets and nodded,   “Bye Innie…”   he said…hearing nothing respond back.

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts~ Stay Safe, Stay Hydrated!
My TwT~(Where you can find this moodboard!)