Work Text:
You know I came here when I needed your soft voice
I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer
Now I stay here, and every day I get one
It was the darkest part of the night… still a few hours before the first rays of the sun would touch the horizon. The window in Karen's living room slid silently up and Daredevil slipped in through the narrow opening, closing and locking it behind him.
In the pitch-dark room, he pulled his helmet off and picked his way towards the small closet where he'd stored his suit the past few weeks. The trunk that Karen had bought him stood open and waiting, and he dropped his gloves and helmet in, unceremoniously followed by one boot, then the other.
He took a deep breath, the first hint of weight lifting off his shoulders as he let out a long exhale. He reached across his body to find the first of the suit's hidden zippers under his arm, and when he'd undone them all, he stepped out of the Devil's skin, a man once more.
When Matt climbed into bed ten minutes later, his hair still damp from the shower, and pulled Karen's sleeping body into his arms, he finally allowed himself to breathe out the fear that had taken up residence in his chest of late. He wasn't sure if he'd ever admit to her that when he disappeared into the darkness each night, his own heart beat more anxiously now than hers ever had. He buried his face into the hair at the back of her neck and breathed her in, wondering if somehow, she already knew.
He knew his days as Daredevil were numbered… had known since five weeks earlier when Karen had taken a pregnancy test and confirmed what both of them already knew. When the realization hit him then… that if he was ever going to stop being Daredevil, it was for this… he felt a calmness come over him that he'd never imagined possible.
Being a vigilante had been part of him for so long that he'd sometimes wondered if the choice to stop would ever be his… or would fate or God choose for him? He'd saved countless innocent people, and stopped all manner of crime and violence with a violence of his own, seemingly with no end in sight... but with those two blue lines… with the way that Karen's heart beat against her breast with excitement when she saw the result… he made his choice. He was ready to give up the Devil for this. He was ready to be a dad.
Since then, his nights had been different than ever before. He no longer went out looking for a fight… for the high he felt when he succeeded in winning one. He no longer felt the Devil on his shoulder, grinning every time he sunk his fist into someone's flesh. He found himself saying a silent prayer every time he prepared to drop into the fray. Please, God, let me survive this and find my way home to Karen. Please let me live to meet our baby.
Hours later, when he'd slide his arms around Karen and recognize the now-familiar beating of two hearts alongside his own, the answer to a question he hadn't even known was there, he'd thank God for his beautiful family, promising himself he would always come home to them.
Karen woke first. She was always exhausted these days, but her ravenous hunger overruled everything else, so she sighed and pulled back the blanket. She stretched out her legs and shifted them towards the edge of the mattress, ready to swing them over the side, but Matt's arms tightened around her torso.
"Matt, I'm getting up," she said softly, trying not to penetrate his sleep any more than necessary.
Holding her firmly with one arm, he reached for the blanket with the other and tossed it back over her, enveloping her in its retained warmth.
"Babe, I'm hungry," she protested, even as she sank deeper into his embrace.
"Gmmph," he grunted.
"Sorry counselor," she giggled. "I didn't quite get that."
He cleared his throat, and with deliberate effort said, "G'me five minutes."
Karen gave a satisfied sigh. "You can have as many minutes as you like, but I'm getting up for breakfast."
Matt gave her one final squeeze before he let go and rolled onto his back. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, then stretched his arms over his head and gave a huge yawn. "You can do this," he muttered to himself.
She gave him a sweet smile from where she sat on her edge of the bed. "You should sleep more." She stood up and walked around the bed, leaning down to brush a kiss onto his lips. "Really… sleep."
He yawned again and said, "I'll be right there."
She shook her head and rolled her eyes, making her way towards the bathroom. "I'm just saying… everybody says to sleep now while we have the chance, cause once the baby gets here, the choice won't be ours anymore."
Matt smiled, tuning in further to the tiny fluttering of their baby's beating heart. He laid there for a couple minutes, just relishing the sound, and when he heard the tap in the bathroom start running, he sat up stiffly and groaned, "I'm getting too old for this."
Karen peeked her head through the door wearing a grin. "Storm rolling in?" she teased.
"Ha, ha," he said sarcastically, but actually, she was right. His hip always bothered him when the atmospheric pressure fell, but he'd never give her the satisfaction of admitting that was his problem today.
She grabbed his robe from the hook on the door and wriggled into it on her way to the kitchen. "I'm in the mood for waffles," she called to him. "You want blueberries in yours?"
Matt took a deep breath and let out a happy sigh. "You're too good to me," he called back with a smile.
Karen's laughter was like music to his ears. "And don't you forget it."
*
Matt's boots hit his roof harder than he meant them to. He paced back and forth a few dozen times trying to calm his anger and guilt and frustration, but it was no good. He couldn't stop remembering the way it had sounded as the young man he failed to save had taken his last, labored breath.
Matt had beaten the assailant senseless, his gloves heavy now with the blood of both attacker and victim, but he'd gotten there too late to stop the bleeding… too late to save the boy, probably no older than nineteen years old, and the knowledge of his failure gnawed at his guts like an animal.
Another five minutes of pacing and Matt realized that he was too far gone down the rabbit hole of self-degradation to pull himself out. He needed Karen. Needed to hear her soft voice. Needed to press his ear to her growing belly… to listen to the beating of their baby's heart.
He took care opening the roof door, and made his way down as silently as he could. He put his helmet away, but waited until he was in the bathroom to remove his gloves, dropping them with a wet thwap onto the shower floor. His hands reeked of blood. He washed them carefully twice, before he left the bathroom and sought out Karen's sleeping form.
Her eyes popped open as soon as he took her hand. "Matt?" she asked quietly. "You okay?"
He nodded his head in answer, but she could see from the look on his face that while he might technically be unharmed, something had rocked him emotionally. She started to shift over to make room for him on the bed before she realized he hadn't taken off his suit. "Oh, babe. Come here." She reached for him and pulled his head onto her chest, stroking his sweaty, disheveled hair.
He kneeled on the floor beside her and breathed in deeply, pointedly ignoring the lingering smell of blood and grime coming off of himself, in favor of the comforting scent of Karen's embrace.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asked quietly, gently caressing the back of his neck.
"Not… not right now," he said, breathlessly. "I just wanna listen. Just… talk to me. Tell me… will you tell me something? How was the baby today? Anything."
She took a deep breath and kissed his forehead, then began describing all the mundane parts of her day. She talked about what she had for lunch and where. She described how the baby's hiccups had thrown her into a giggling fit so intense that she had to excuse herself from her client meeting after lunch, and how she practically flew out of bed when the baby leaned on her bladder a couple hours earlier.
She huffed out a small laugh and described the encounter she had on her way home with the young Indian woman who ran their favorite grocery store. When she brought her purchases up to the register, the mother of four had looked her up and down and said with no hesitation, You must be four months now. Congratulations to you and Mr. Murdock. A spring baby is a wonderful gift.
Matt sighed, shifting his head down from Karen's chest to rest closer to the baby.
"She was exactly right, of course. I didn't even try to deny it, but I want the record to reflect that when I put my jacket on for work yesterday, even I couldn't see the evidence of our little avocado in the mirror." She laughed with the tiniest hint of annoyance.
Matt took another deep breath and picked his head up, feeling back on solid ground once more. "Our little avocado," he sighed.
Karen took his face in both of her hands and pulled him in for a soft kiss.
He let out another sigh and nodded his head to let her know he felt better, but as he lifted himself stiffly into a standing position, he let out a small groan.
Matt could feel the look she gave him, love and concern etched into her features. He leaned down and touched her cheek, planting a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm gonna shower," he kissed her again before straightening up. "I'll be right in."
Karen sighed and nodded. "I'm glad you're home. I love you."
He managed a smile, small, but genuine. "Me too. I love you, too."
*
Karen sat on the roof of Matt's apartment, her oversized parka hiding her large, pregnant belly. She had an insulated mug of hot chocolate in hand, and one earbud in listening to music. It was well after midnight, but her back was aching too much for her to get any sleep, so she decided she might as well head upstairs and wait for the Devil to come home.
She didn't have to wait long, thirty… maybe forty minutes after she'd wrapped herself up and settled into a patio chair, and five minutes after the first flakes of snow began to fall, she heard him.
"Hey," he said, stepping out of the shadows twenty yards away.
She smiled and gave him a soft, "Hey yourself," as he came within her reach.
He kneeled in front of her, gloves and helmet already off, and touched her pink, chilly cheek, before leaning in to give her a soft, lingering kiss.
"Mmmm, yes please," she smiled.
He'd already started to pull back, but obliged her with another, opening his mouth this time to give her bottom lip a little nibble. She made another satisfied noise and his mouth broke into a smile, even as he was still kissing her.
"This never gets old," he murmured, a small chuckle escaping as Karen pulled back to look at him. "Coming home to this. You waiting for me."
"Well, savor it while you can," she teased, leaning forward to give him another soft peck. "Another week or two and your six flights are gonna be too much for me. I almost gave up on the fourth floor tonight."
He laughed, a loving smile spreading its way across his face. "Another week or two is all I need… I'm just wrapping up a few things and then I can put all my spare time into finding our new place."
She smiled and took his hand. "No, the stairs are good for me. I don't look forward to carrying a car-seat up and down them… but I guess we'll cross that bridge in another month or two."
Matt sighed happily. "I can't believe it's only two months until we meet our little Avo."
"I know. But believe me, I am feeling every one of these thirty-three weeks. Our avocado is more like a squash these days."
Matt snorted a laugh."Yeah, I'm not gonna change what I call her this late in the game."
Karen grinned back, biting her lip. "Help me up?"
He did, wrapping his arms around her and holding her sideways against his chest. "Thanks for waiting for me."
She hugged him tighter. "You're worth braving the cold and snow… Though I'm not gonna complain when the day comes that I can't sleep, and all I have to do is reach across the bed to find you."
He took a deep breath in and let it out in a slow, measured exhale. "Me too. This time next year we'll be warm in bed in the middle of the night."
"Mmm hmm. Assuming the baby isn't keeping us awake."
Matt let out a chuckle. "Don't worry… I'll take night duty. I've had plenty of practice running on no sleep…"
"Too much practice," Karen teased.
"And…" he grinned, "I'm never gonna be able to sleep through you being up with the baby."
"Mmmm," Karen nuzzled into his ear and murmured, "My hero."
A chuckle rumbled in his chest. "Come on. Let's get you into bed." He kissed her on the tip of her cold nose.
They walked arm in arm to the door. "I did manage to sleep a little before my sciatica flared up."
Matt made a sympathetic sound as the roof door closed behind them. "I'll get you the heating pad before I get in the shower. If that doesn't help, I'll have a talk with our Avo about easing up on her mom."
Karen wore a soft smile and had mist in her eyes. "She always listens to her daddy."
*
Almost six months to the day after Daredevil retired, Karen got a call from Ellison at The Bulletin. They were prepping a piece on Daredevil's absence of late, and though he hadn't asked her directly about the vigilante's identity since that terrible day in the hospital, there were a lot of concerning rumors floating around the city at the moment, and Ellison didn't hold back from asking her now if she had any insight.
Matt stood in the doorway to the bedroom with their sleeping four-month-old in his arms and a giant grin on his face, and she had to turn away to keep a straight face as she spoke. She made him swear to her answer being off the record, and when he made his oath, she told him the last she'd heard of Daredevil, he was alive and well. She couldn't say for sure that he'd never be seen again, but she had the feeling that he had gotten out of the game for good. Ellison grumbled about the story for a minute before he moved on to other topics, and she let out a huge sigh of relief.
When the article came out the following Sunday, Karen read it aloud to Matt before they'd even gotten out of bed. "Oh boy," she chuckled. "There's a picture of you here from the black pajama days."
Matt snorted a laugh.
"I'll be honest," she chewed her lip as she examined the picture more closely on her phone. "If there's anything I miss about those days, it's the view."
Matt laughed out loud, cheeks turning just a tiny bit pink. They heard the baby stir in her crib at the foot of the bed and he winced. "Whoops," he fought to contain a grin. "Sorry babe," he said, not sounding sorry in the least.
*
Months went by, and though Matt often heard things that made him itch to get out and help, waking up next to Karen every morning, their baby daughter breathing sleepily or babbling, or even crying in her crib, made him realize that nothing could ever give him a greater purpose than doing what his own father couldn't - living for his daughter.
When they gave up his loft for a two bedroom apartment closer to the office, he practically glowed with excitement. It brought back all the good memories of his childhood with his dad, and Karen could see the truth in his happiness, so different from years earlier when he'd tried to give up Daredevil.
While they were still settling in, she sent him out one day so she could paint the nursery, and when he came back home at dinnertime, their not-so-little avocado strapped sleepily to his chest, and wrinkled his nose at the smell, Karen apologized. "I kept the windows open all day, but there just wasn't any breeze coming in," she frowned.
"Hey," he pulled her into a hug, the baby still asleep against his chest. "Don't worry about it. It'll take more than a little paint smell to keep me from coming home." He gave her a soft smile and a softer kiss. "I'm sorry to tell you, but you're stuck with me."
She relaxed and kissed him back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."