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Noah didn’t remember much about being alive. There were bits and pieces here and there and the major events of his life. The major events, excluding the one that ended his life, that is.
Dying was more like numbly and slowly waking up. He couldn’t recall how he bit the bullet nor could he remember “waking up” in the afterlife. He just slowly started making sense of the world around him and the fact he was dead now. It had only been around 7 years but it really felt as if he had always been a ghost.
From his life, he remembered parties with friends, the boys he dated in high school, getting cheated on for the first time, fucking around, trespassing in abandoned malls and running away from the cops.
He didn’t remember as much from his childhood. It kinda made sense but he could tell it was because some major parts were missing. But he still remembered the long hours trying not to nod off at church as a kid, his first time riding a bike and seeing snow for the first time on a trip to Maine.
Not knowing sucked but hey, he should probably be glad he didn’t remember the atrocious pain dying probably felt like, so he rolled with it. Being a ghost was cool as hell and he had a good quality afterlife with these assholes he stayed with now.
Pastor Knees and Annabelle were annoying as shit yes, but he would go as far as calling them his friends, fine.
And who cares about remembering the past when you’re okay with the present you have…
- - -
June 9th, 2018
Noah ran around his room, searching frantically for a tie, the senior year prom was starting in less than an hour.
He was bursting with excitement, not so much for prom itself but more so for the after party at Jackson’s place he had been invited to. The guy lived in the rich part of town and had a pool. His parents didn’t care so lots of drinks and drugs were guaranteed.
Of course though, Noah had to keep his excitement to a minimum because there was no way in hell his mother could learn about this. She had barely even allowed him to go to the main prom in the first place. The only reason she even agreed was because it was fully organized and supervised by the school. She thought he was going there and nothing more.
The other reason he had to hide his excitement was because of who he was going to prom with…
Noah checked his hair and formal suit in the mirror, a shy smile on face. Screw it, he was ditching the tie.
Noah had a date for the night.
He had been surprised receiving the prom posal a week ago. Every other time Noah had dated someone, he had been the one doing the asking out so he was more than surprised when the cute brunette he had seen in one or two of his classes asked him out. The guy, Trevor, was sweet, gentle but shy and after the two assholes he’d dated before, he couldn’t wait to get to know him.
Noah buttoned up his suit jacket. He took a deep breath and made his way downstairs.
He did his best to sneak past the kitchen without being noticed. Apparently he’d failed because he heard his mom calling.
“Noah?”
He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and reopened them as he turned around.
“Yeah?”
Carol stepped out the kitchen and paused a moment, inspecting his outfit.
“Did you eat dinner?”
“I’m fine, I really gotta go.”
“Please sit down and eat Noah, I made soup” she left him no place to argue so he complied, he would eat real fast and then go.
His mom served him and herself and said grace. Silence fell at the table as they ate, Noah felt and tension rising in the air until it snapped.
“You’re going to the prom tonight?”
“Yeah.” He answered simply.
She nodded.
“And Jackson’s party?”
“And what ?”
“Don’t play dumb, rumor spreads quick that Jackson’s parents are irresponsible sinners that let their kid do whatever they want. And I know you . You’re gonna go there to party with those no-gooders.”
Fuck.
“I wasn’t going-”
“Don’t lie to me, Noah. I raised you better than this. I know what happens at these parties! They’re full of sins and drugs and…” she looks side to side before whispering “..sex.”
“I’m not lying ! I’m just going to prom and back home. It just somehow finishes conveniently at four in the morning”
“Oh, you’re not going to that one either.” She said, her attention returning to her soup.
Noah’s jaw dropped and he stared at her in horror.
“WHAT!? It’s prom !!! This is so important to me!!”
“I can’t trust you with this one. You’ve lied to me before, so you’re staying here tonight” she looked up, feeling terrible for the hurt look in her son’s eyes. She tried to comfort in the only way she knew how. She placed a warm hand on his.
“It’s alright, my dear, I forgive you. So why don’t we both go kneel down after dinner and ask God to forgive you too.”
Carol didn’t want the Lord to be mad at him for lying and wanting to go to that party. And she had to protect her son so He wouldn’t punish him.
Silence had fallen again as she finished the rest of her soup. Noah bit the inside of his lip, anger rising inside him, his knee bouncing agitatedly.
“You know what? Fuck this.” He said quietly.
“Excuse me?” Carol said, offended by the foul language.
“ Fuck this. ” He said louder this time, getting up, his hands slamming on the table. “I’m eighteen , for goodness’s sake, so guess what, I’m done. I can do whatever I want, and I don’t give a SHIT anymore whether God likes me or not!!! YOU chose to live this way but from now on I’m living my life however I WANT!!”
Carol got up as well “NOAH! WATCH WHAT YOU SAY”
“NO! I DON’T WANT WANNA BE SOMEONE IM NOT JUST TO PLEASE YOU!”
“I DO love you, even if you’re not perfect, I love you so much”
Noah huffed, then hesitated before continuing “Fine. If you love me so much, wanna now who I’m going to prom with, mom? My boyfriend, and I love him.”
Carol gasped and fell back down to her chair gasping, a hand over her mouth.
“You’re a… homosexual.” She said it like every word physically hurt her.
“Yeah. So you can prove yourself to be a good mother for once and deal with that fact, or I’m finding some place else to stay that will”
In shock, Carol watched her son leave, slamming the front door hard behind him. His bowl of soup was left half finished and cooling on the table.
Her son… engaged in homosexuality. Her son was a disgrace of God but she loved him, she loved him so much. She tried so hard to raise him as a good Christian and he was still gonna burn in hell?
Carol’s hands shook over her mouth. If this was any other person, Carol would resent them and let them burn but this was Noah .
She didn’t know what to do.
So she got up on shaky legs and went the only place that could answer her.
The confessional at church.
- - -
Prom was great.
The songs were great, the non-alcoholic punch was great and most importantly, Trevor was great.
His smiles, cute dimples and dorky dancing really helped Noah take his mind off the hard conversation with his mom. Noah sang along with the songs he knew loudly to push Trevor out of his shell and in return the other boy gave him a quick lesson on how to slow dance. And when they were both ready, the next slow song came on and they were kissing softly on the dance floor. Noah didn’t think his cheeks could get any redder.
Of course though, not everything could go perfectly cuz some asshole decided to come and ruin it nearing the end of the event.
The two boys were talking when an object hit the back of Noah’s head harshly. He looked at the ground where it had fallen and realized someone had thrown a red silicone dildo at him.
He turned to where the object at come from and quickly spotted the culprit when he yelled:
“Faggot!”
He recognized the guy as Billy, nothing but an asshole really, he wasn’t too surprised he would do this.
Noah opened his mouth to insult him back but the words got stuck in his throat seeing who stood next to him. His ex, Charles.
Anger bubbled up in him, the events of their break up still way too recent.
“Someone’s bitter they’re not getting this dick for prom” Noah bit back to his ex. He kicked the dildo back towards him “Try sucking off this one next, it’s not as if you ever cared about the person attached to it”
Charles ignored him and spoke to Trevor instead. “Don’t bother with him, won’t be long till you get sick of his boring twig ass”
Without thinking it through, Noah’s fist landed on Charles’s face. He didn’t care, he was done with people trying to ruin this night for him.
His ex landed a hit of his own on him and soon enough a teacher intervened. She separated the both of them, Charles gave him a vengeful look before Noah was taken away to the hallway, Trevor tagging along.
The teacher gave him a basic ten minutes long speech about never using violence and whatever. Then told them it’d be better if they just called it a night for now. She left Trevor and Noah alone in the hallway.
Noah averted his date’s gaze “Sorry about that, I promise I’m not like this all the time… just pissed off today. I’m sorry”
Trevor shrugged, nonchalant “Heh, he… kinda deserved it. But thanks for apologizing still”
Noah smiled and they made their way back to his car, they’d just make their way to Jackson’s a bit earlier then.
- - -
“Forgive me father for I have sinned, I upset my son today and… I really need advice” Carol sighed.
“Go ahead and tell me what happened” The pastor said from the other side.
- - -
“So can I ask what pissed you off today?” Trevor asked from the passenger's side “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Had a rough conversation with my mom…” Noah answered, driving them out the parking lot.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Noah bit the inside of his cheek “Yeah…”
- - -
“From what you’ve told me so far, Carol, you care very deeply about your son.”
“I do, and I’m so scared he’s gonna end up punished for it, father. It’s not what the Lord wants”
There was a long pause before his next answer.
“Listen Carol, I’m about to tell you something they didn’t teach me in the seminary. That, I had to learn on my own. Do you trust me?”
“Yes, Father”
- - -
“I’m sorry you had to go through that”
“Sometimes it just feels like she hates me, you know?”
“I… don’t wanna assume anything of course but I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
Noah’s eyes lit up hopefully.
“From what you told me, she’s trying to have you do what she thinks is the right thing. And though she’s wrong, I’ve learned from experience that parents who put that much effort into making you make the right choices, are parents who care a ton about you”
- - -
“The Bible teaches us about love. Jesus teaches us about loving no matter our differences. If that is truly the case, then I think our interpretation of the Lord condoning homosexuality is all wrong and we were quite foolish to believe hat”
“You’re saying homosexuality isn’t a sin?”
“It may be hard for you to adjust to and believe but yes. Just put trust in your son. If you ask him, I’m sure he’ll explain away his beliefs and let you understand.”
- - -
“So what do I do now?”
“You gave her an ultimatum. Wait and see her answer, if she gives you the right one, just be honest about your feelings and take it slow explaining things to her, and if she doesn’t pick the right one, well my door is always open for you” Trevor finished with a smile. He turned to look at the other boy but only saw Noah’s expression had shifted into one of panic.
“Brake’s not working.” He gasped out.
- - -
“Thank you, father”
“When you get home Carol, sit down with him and talk. Things will figure themselves out, I promise”
- - -
“Wha- What do you mean it’s not working!?” Trevor said in horror. The car was approaching a red light.
“I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T-“
Noah looked down at his feet, the red dildo from earlier had been meticulously placed behind his brake pedal.
“NOAH!”
He looked up in time to see they were entering the intersection. Another car was coming full speed on their left. He gasped and tried to swerve away the best he could.
Then there was a powerful impact and the world turned upside down.
- - -
She was surprised by a phone ringing in her pocket. The pastor wished her good luck and left the confessional.
She answered the phone.
“Yes?”
- - -
Trevor woke up upside down in a destroyed car. There was glass everywhere and it was all caved in on the driver’s side.
Then he found Noah in the seat next to him. Trevor choked on a gasp.
Noah’s broken body hung upside down limply still tied up in his seat. He was conscious but all of his energy seemed to be spent on breathing. Every weak intake of air he took was laboured, sounding painful as they each came back out with a crackling to them.
All Trevor could see in the other boy’s lost eyes was helplessness.
Trevor yelled for help, he looked around frantically, trying to find anyone, anything to help but the movement of his head caused the world to fade out again.
- - -
“This is San Bernardino Police Department. Are you Mrs Carol Cox?”
“Yes? What for?”
- - -
When Trevor came back around, he was able to remember everything that just happened more clearly. He hadn’t moved from his position in the passenger's seat and Noah was still there too. But something changed while he was out.
Noah wasn’t breathing anymore.
Trevor screamed and trashed, trying to free himself from his jammed seatbelt. He screamed and fought when the paramedics finally arrived on the scene, dragging his date’s lifeless body away.
- - -
“There has been an accident. We are sorry to inform you that your son Noah didn’t make it.”
Carol screamed.
- - -
She made it back home 4 hours later. They had asked her to stop by the police department if she could. They had explained to her how had been driving to a friends with another boy in the passenger’s seat. Said boy had told them there had been a discourse at prom and two students had jammed the brake pedal with a dildo to get back at her son. The culprits had already been brought into custody and confessed. Noah never made it to the hospital.
Carol closed the door behind her. She hung up her coat, removed her shoes and numbly made her way to the stairs.
She stopped next to the kitchen table. Their dishes from earlier that night had never been put away.
She walked to her seat and picked up her bowl, bringing it to the sink to wash it. Next, she walked to Noah’s chair. She picked up his half eaten bowl of soup.
It was cold.
She dropped the bowl and it shattered at her feet. Just like the bowl, Carol fell to her knees and broke into tiny pieces.
She cried loud enough the neighbours could probably hear her. Cried loud enough that maybe, God as well would hear her pleas.
- - -
May 17th, 2025
“Hey- hey! No peaking!” Pastor Knees teased.
“And what exactly is this for?” Noah answered less than enthusiastically.
“Be patient, shut your mouth and you know when we get there” Annabelle spoke from behind him.
She was propped up on Noah’s shoulders, her tiny hands not doing a very good job at covering Noah’s eyes. Meanwhile, Pastor Knees guided him with a hand on his back.
He didn’t really care though, about whatever this surprise they were so excited about was.
They finally stopped walking.
“And… peek-a-boo!” Annabelle removed her hands. Noah took in his surroundings.
They were in the middle of a dark graveyard he did not recognize. The grave that stood before him read the name:
Noah Cox
How lucky I am to have something
that makes saying goodbye so hard
May 17th, 2000 - June 9th, 2018
“Happy birthday!” The pastor said, “Now that we know when you were born, we can really celebrate it! Or we could even celebrate your death date too.”
Noah stood, mouth slightly agape. The thought of searching for his grave never even occurred to him.
“Wha… How did you find this?”
“I dug up a lot of graves until I found the right one.” Annabelle said innocently, having gotten down from his shoulders.
Noah cringed in disgust but immediately let it go, turning his face back to the gravestone.
“I- I don’t know what to say…” he said, touched.
“No need to say anything, I already know I am perfect.” She said, a hand on her chest.
“Now no need for sappy stuff, the rest of the surprise is still waiting at home. Got us cake and a piñata!” Pastor Knees said ruffling his hair.
He couldn’t help smiling widely as they turned back around to make their way back home.
Noah could come back to the grave later whenever he wanted and inspect closer where the blue flowers that had been laid out for him had come from. But for now, he didn’t look back.