Work Text:
“I don't think I'd be a good dad.”
Ryuu blinks. Hayato just said that out of nowhere, what was he supposed to say?
It's after school and only now did all the kids decide to rest after a day of playing. Apparently, even though Usaida laid out the futons for nap time, everyone had simply refused to sleep, opting to crawl all over him and play instead.
That's how Ryuu and Hayato got stuck with a room full of overtired toddlers while Usaida left for a much needed washroom break.
Almost all of the kids were already sleeping, most crowding around Hayato since he was made to lay down after one of Taka’s tantrums and Kirin’s insistence.
Takuma and Kazuma on Hayato’s left and Taka on his right with Midori in his arms, wide eyed as ever. Ryuu could almost laugh at this sight, even more so with Hayato’s claims of not being a good father.
“Kami-cha good.” Kotarou sits up from where he was lying down next to Ryuuichi, crawling carefully over Kirin to pat Hayato's elbow. “Kami-cha ish good.”
“Sure. Go lay back down.” Hayato shifts Midori so he can hold her against his chest, tapping Kotarou’s forehead with his free hand. Kotarou doesn't obey though, taking up a spot next to Taka so he can continue to stare diligently at Hayato, as if to drill in the idea that, yes, Hayato was good.
“What brought this up, Kamitani?” Ryuu scoots closer as well, covering Kotarou with his blanket. “Do you want a family when you're older?”
“Dunno.” Hayato shrugs. “Sure as hell don't want a kid as annoying as him.” He points to his own brother. “If there were two of him I'd actually go crazy.”
“But,” He continues, “I wouldn't mind having a kid like Kotarou, I guess.”
“Ung?” Kotarou's eyes were drooping but he still wanted to be a part of this conversation, it seemed.
“Raising kids and looking after kids are very different things.” Ryuu points out. Well, to be fair, Kotarou is a pretty quiet kid. Once you get to know him then it's easy to tell (most of the time) what he wants, while Taka… was the complete opposite.
“You think I don't know that? I deal with this brat every day.” Hayato pinches Taka's nose, which makes him squirm and kick his blanket away. Ryuu’s quick to adjust it so Taka's stomach is being properly covered.
“Kamitani…”
“I just feel like I probably won't be able to handle being a dad to a kid. The thought of it…” Hayato trails off. “Ugh. I don't know how you handle being the one to raise Kotarou, is what I'm saying, I guess.”
“For a time it was lonely but I have Obaa-san and Saikawa-san to help me now.” Ryuu smiles. He and Kotarou both were really lucky. “And I have Usaida-san and the club too. And you. It's not as scary as it once was… but I guess I've been doing this so long I don't even think about it anymore.”
“You're strong. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I'm being honest.” Hayato sighs and continues. “Even if I did want my own family or whatever I probably wouldn't start one.”
“Because you think you'd be a bad dad?”
Hayato nods, closing his eyes. “I'd be too hard on the kid, you say that all the time. Prolly won't be able to keep a marriage either.”
“Kamitani…” Ryuu didn't mean to discourage Hayato's dream of a family, if that was the case, but it's true that he could be hard on the daycare kids, especially Taka. But that doesn't mean he'd be a bad father, a strict one maybe, but Ryuu knows that Hayato also rather likes the kids in the daycare. Even though he can be hard on Taka, Hayato would always choose him and his mother in the end. It'd definitely be the same for any hypothetical kids too.
“You always balance me out though.” Hayato mutters. He's falling asleep too. “If we were to raise kids together then I'm sure they'd turn out fine. Great, even.”
Ryuu stays quiet as he finds a bigger blanket to throw over Hayato and Midori, who had also dozed off. Hayato never shared much about his insecurities, Ryuuichi was starting to doubt that he had any even, but at the end of the day Hayato was human. Of course there would be things, even a person as cool and collected and he was, would be scared of.
And for him to share them out loud like this… it must have been really bothering him. Ryuu gently pats Hayato's head to comfort him.
“Kashima.” He called, making Ryuu jump just the slightest. He really thought that Hayato went to sleep.
“Ah, yes?”
Was he about to get scolded for patting his head like he was still a kid? It's not like Ryuuichi could've helped it, it was a habit of his and it just kicked in when he realized how troubled Hayato was thinking these things.
“Don’ let the stupid baseball team know I'm here.” Hayato said instead. “There's practice but I don't wanna go. Our team seriously sucks ass.”
Ryuu almost burst out laughing. “I'll be sure to hide you.” He promises. It's almost silly. Just a minute or two ago he was confiding in Ryuu about not being a good father and now he's asking him to hide him if the baseball team comes around to look for him. Really, this guy…
“Thanks.” Is the last thing Hayato says before actually drifting off. Ryuu can't help but stare. This ‘not gonna be a good dad’ business, does it have something to do with Hebihara-sensei…?
“Ryuu-chan, I'm back.” Usaida calls, yawning as he enters. “Everyone is asleep already? Even Hayato? Man, Ryuu-chan you really are the best.”
He collapses on Ryuu's free side, retrieving his panda pillow. “You don't mind if I nap too, right?”
“Uh, sure…” but Ryuu doesn't even get to finish his sentence before Usaida is snoring too. Ryuu sighs, laying down to stare at the ceiling.
He can't get Hayato's works out of his head. “I don't think I'd be a good dad.” He said, even though he's so very wrong. Ryuu knows and has seen all the ways Hayato had cared for and looked after these kids. The fact that he doesn't see it, rubs him the wrong way.
Seriously, where was this coming from?
-
“Kashima.” Hayato called. “I'm all for skipping class but I think you might even be scaring Hebihara with the intensity of your glare.”
“Ah–” Ryuu didn't even realize he was glaring. He just wanted to make sure nothing between Hebihara-sensei and Hayato happened again but he must’ve gotten upset or something. “I'm sorry-”
“‘s fine. Not like I care.” Hayato flips his worksheet over. Oh, the worksheet. Ryuu hasn't even started.
As Ryuu rushed through the paper, he felt Hayato sneaking glances over Ryuu's shoulder to look at the worksheet.
“Rushing won't get you anywhere.” Ryuu almost jumps out of his seat at Hayato's voice, closer and lower than usual.
“Go slowly, you have time.” He suggests, glancing up at the front to see his father at his desk. “If you can't figure it out just tell me.”
“I think Hebihara-sensei would skin me alive if he found out I was cheating.”
“Like I'd let him.” Hayato rolls his eyes. “I'm not gonna help you cheat, anyway. I'll just explain what you don't get.”
“Thank you.”
“Don't mention it.”
“Kamitani. Kashima.” Both of them flinch when Hebihara-sensei appears behind them. He looks over them both, tall and menacing. If Ryuu was reminded of Hayato himself just now, he'll keep that to himself. “I thought I requested silence while you did your worksheets.”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir.” Ryuu bows his head. Hayato just groans under his breath.
“...See me after class, Kashima.” Hebihara-sensei orders before he moves on to other tables.
Internally, Ryuu groans as Hayato stares after his father with such a stink eye Hebihara might have felt it through his lab coat.
…
When class ended, Hayato was the last to leave, glancing back at Ryuuichi as he did. In the end, Ryuu had to mouth ‘it’s okay’ over and over until he eventually scrunched his nose and left.
Ryuu sighed, shuffling uncomfortably as Hebihara-sensei organised papers on his desk. It was quiet for a long while before he finally started to talk. “Kashima.”
“Ah, yes?”
“I do hope today was a one off thing. It is one thing to look after children but another if you adopt their trouble making behavior. You're lucky I didn't have you and Kamitani both write a reflection.”
“Yes sir. I apologize. It won’t happen again, I promise.” Ryuu bows again, even though Hebihara’s back was still to him. When Ryuu looked up though, Hebihara was tentatively peeking over his shoulder at him.
“Did… something happen with Hayato?”
“Excuse me?” Ryuu blinked. Was this because of him accidentally glaring at him in class? Since when did Hebihara-sensei ask Ryuuichi directly if anything was wrong with his sons?
“Mm. Nevermind. You may leave.” Hebihara turned back to his work. Ryuu waited, for what, he’s not sure. Eventually, after Hebihara-sensei continued to stay silent, Ryuu quietly slipped out of the room.
He almost jumps out of his skin when he almost runs straight into Hayato.
“Kamitani! What are you still doing here?!” Ryuu glanced at the time. Second period had already started, making them both late.
Hayato shrugs, pushing off the wall. “Was waiting for you.”
“You didn’t need to do that. The teacher’s gonna get mad at the both of us now.”
“Let her be mad. English sucks anyway.” Hayato glances outside, at the baseball diamond. Ryuu sighed, he wouldn’t be surprised if Hayato waited for him just to skip the first bit of class and to stare at the diamond a bit longer. He was always thinking about baseball, wasn’t he? “What did the old man say to you?”
“Nothing much. Uh, he just scolded me for talking in class.” Ryuu scratched the back of his neck.
“That’s dumb. Should have scolded me too.”
“Maybe he’s giving you special treatment?” Ryuu tilted his head. Hayato scoffed and elbowed him for it.
“God, I fucking hope not. He hasn’t pissed me off for a while and I sure as hell hope he doesn’t start now.”
Ryuu smiles anyway, lagging behind a bit as they walk. Maybe it’s inevitable that Hebihara-sensei is going to piss you off, but I also think he worries about you and Taka more than he lets on.
If it wasn’t Hebihara-sensei that put those thoughts inside Hayato’s head, then what?
-
“Did anything happen to Hayato?” Kamitani Shizuka tilts her head at the question. Clearly, she was amused by it. “It’s funny, Ryuu-kun. Hebihara-sensei asked me the same thing the other day.”
“Did he really…?” Ryuu looked around the classroom, where anatomy charts hung on the walls with diagrams of various body parts.
It was a free moment during lunch that Ryuu had to catch Kamitani-sensei and ask. He had used the excuse of an overdue library book to slip away, leaving the kids to Usaida and Hayato. If he was telling the truth, he was a bit uncomfortable asking his friend’s mother if she had noticed anything off about him, but if it was to help Hayato through something, he doesn’t mind.
(Though, one has to wonder why he was so bothered by Hayato’s claim of not being able to be a good father compared to literally anything else he has heard.)
“Is Hayato acting strange to you, Ryuu-kun? I hadn’t noticed anything.”
“Ah, no. He just… said something the other day and it’s been bothering me ever since.” Ryuu tried to be as vague as possible. If Kamitani-sensei didn’t know then it’s probably not something Hayato would want her to know, right?
“What? Don’t tell me my idiot son is bullying you. I’ll teach him a lesson if that’s the case.” Kamitani-sensei rolls up her sleeves as if she was going to find and beat up her eldest son right there and then.
Ryuu shakes his head in panic. “No, no! Nothing like that. He said– He said something self-deprecating about himself, so I was just worried…”
“Oh.” Kamistani-sensei leans back into her chair. “Well, that is out of character for him, I’ll give you that. He hasn’t said anything about it to me, and I don’t know of anything that happened that would make him think negatively about himself.”
“But, if I’m being honest, I don’t pay that much attention to Hayato compared to Taka. Whenever I try he always gets on my case about hovering and whatnot.” She grumbles something like ‘just like his father’ under her breath. “Ugh. If I bring this up to him he’d probably tell me that it’s none of my business. If you do find out that something happened with him, can I trouble you to tell me, Ryuu-kun? God knows Hayato won’t tell me himself.”
“If it’s something serious.” Ryuu promises. He’s not going to go around just spilling whatever about Hayato, especially not when he told Ryuu that he thinks he wouldn’t be a good dad in confidentiality.
Kamitani-sensei scrunches her face at him much in the same way Hayato does, but tells him she understands and sends him on his way.
Ryuu sighs as he actually makes his way to the library. He really did need to return this book but it wasn’t overdue. Obaa-san would kill him if it was.
Both Hebihara-sensei and Kamitani-sensei don’t know of anything that happened with Hayato huh… It’s not particularly surprising; Hayato is a pretty closed off person, but Ryuu was hoping for something, anything, from his parents.
If not them, who else would know anything that happened with Hayato then?
…
“Ryuu-chan seems very glum today, don’t you think Kirin?” Usaida comments as soon as Ryuu enters the daycare room after class. This prompted all the kids to run and glomp onto Ryuu’s legs, yelling things like “Don’t be sad Ryuu-cha!”
“Whoa, you guys…!” Ryuu wobbles and falls backward from all the clambering. “I’m fine! I’m not sad, see?”
“But Usha said Ryuu-chan was sad…” Kazuma hiccuped, still gripping onto his pant legs.
“Ryuu-chan ish sick?” Takuma was right beside his twin. He pats Ryuu’s knee. “Pain, pain, go away!”
“No guys, I’m not sick. I’m not sad either.” Ryuu leads them all back inside.
“But Ushaida said…” Kirin pouted, still clinging to his legs.
“I’m just worried about something. I’m not sad. You don’t need to worry too, Kirin.” Ryuu patted her head.
“Nii-cha, worry…?” Ryuu only then noticed Kotarou, who was standing beside Taka, holding one of his beloved Teary Eyed Panda-chan books. “Worry about… Kami-cha?”
Oh. He completely forgot Kotarou was also there when Hayato said that to him.
“Ryuu ish worried about my Nii-ja?!” Taka shouted, suddenly offended at the mere thought that Ryuu would be worried about Hayato. “Nothing ish wrong wif my Nii-ja!”
“Ung!” Kotarou agrees. “Kami-cha ish good!”
“Does Ryuu-niichama think Hayato-niichama isn’t good?” Kirin jumps to a conclusion before Ryuu could never speak. “Is Hayato-niichama not good?”
“Kamita ish good!!” Takuma insisted at the same time as Taka yelled. “Nii-ja ish good! Nii-ja ish the best!”
Kazuma lets go of his brother’s hand, going up to Ryuu to tug on his sleeve instead. “Does Ryuu-chan…” He asked, in his wobbling voice. “...not think Kamita ish good?”
A wave of silence descended over the daycare as all the kids stared at Ryuu in shock, as if he committed a heinous crime. Takuma, Kazuma and Taka in particular, look especially betrayed. Right then, Ryuu really did feel like laying down and repenting for his sins.
“No!” Ryuu rushed to explain before anyone could start crying. “I think that Kami-cha— I mean— Kamitani is good! I think he’s the best ever, actually!”
“Ung..?” Kotarou looked devastated at that.
“I mean?” Ryuu stumbled. “I think he’s the best— Only after you, Kotarou!”
Somehow Kotarou looks even more upset. “Baa-cha… Sai-cha…”
“And Obaa-san and Saikawa-san!” Ryuu corrected. “Uh— Kamitani is the best after Kotarou, Oaa-san and Saikawa-san! He’s my friend after all!”
That seems to calm everyone down. Ryuu breathes out a huge sigh of relief.
“Den, why ish Ryuu-niichama worried about Hayato-niichama?” Kirin spoke up. Everyone glanced in between her and Ryuu, as if looking for an explanation.
Ryuu internally winced at this. Kirin was smart, smarter than most gave her credit for, but Ryuu wishes she was just a little more gullible like Taka sometimes. Especially now. He really doesn’t want to talk about this to a room of toddlers that might take it the wrong way or not understand at all.
“Um.” Ryuu looked at Usaida for help but he looked more amused at this than anything. “The other day… Uh, Kamitani-kun said something bad about himself. And… I don’t want him to feel that way… so I’ve been trying to figure out what’s causing him to feel bad.”
“Wowww. Ryuu-chan cares so much about Kamitani, haha.” Usaida yawns.
“Kamita… feels bad?” Kazuma hiccuped. Ryuu preemptively closed the door in case anyone tried to run outside and bother Hayato at baseball practice just because of something Ryuu said.
“He’s just… thinking bad things. I’m taking care of him, so you don’t need to worry.” Ryuu pats all of their heads. “Kamitani is strong! So… the next time you see him, he’ll be back to normal.” He doesn’t feel great about lying to the kids, but he doesn’t need them to make extra trouble right now.
“Oh but… don’t tell Kamitani I told you. It was supposed to be a secret between us.” Ryuu tells them in a whisper. “Please keep this a secret for me. Taka especially. You must absolutely not tell Kamitani-kun, do you understand?”
Most of the kids nod, agreeing to keep Ryuu’s secret for him. But Taka in particular looks confused. He frowns, crossing his arms. “Why shood I?”
“Because. It’s supposed to be a secret between Kamitani and me. But I didn’t keep that secret; I accidentally told all of you.” Ryuu explained, the best he could. “If Kamitani knew I told you his secret, he'd probably hate me forever.”
All the kids gaped at that, all worrying and agreeing to never tell Hayato so that he and Ryuuichi could be friends forever. Ryuu couldn’t help but smile at them, life was so simple from a little kid’s perspective.
“You’re worrying more than usual about this, Ryuu-chan.” Usaida yawned again. He hasn’t moved at all from his spot, since Ryuu came in, laying on a futon with Midori. “Could it be because whatever Hayato thinks of himself doesn’t sit right with you? I wonder why.”
“Because it’s not true in the slightest!” Ryuu slaps his hands to his mouth, surprised at his own outburst. He hasn’t gotten this mad about anything since…
Well, since he found out about Hayato’s family situation and how coldly Hebihara-sensei treated Hayato back then. Or maybe… was it when Hayato got locked outside and the kids didn’t learn their lesson?
Ryuu doesn't think he's one to get mad or upset often, but lately every time he’s gotten so worked up over something, Hayato seems to be involved one way or another.
“Nii-cha.” Kotarou crawls into his lap. Ryuu leans down enough that Kotarou can pat his head. “Gon be okay!”
Ah, yeah. It’s going to be okay. Ryuu sighs, smiling. It’s not that big of a deal, Ryuu is just making out to be. “Thank you, Kotarou. How about I read you guys a story?”
“Ung!” Kotarou holds up his Teary Eyed Panda-chan book for Ryuu to take.
The other kids cheer and clamber all over Usaida to get into a semi-circle like they do every story time. They’re all looking at him so expectantly, Ryuu can’t help but forget about his worry for Hayato, even if it’s just for one afternoon.
-
“Oi.” Hayato catches Ryuu the next day while the daycare was on its after school walk. “I need to talk to you.”
Ryuu startles, going stiff along with Kazuma, who was in his arms. A part of him expected this, no way Taka or any of the other kids would be able to keep a secret like this for too long, he just thought maybe it’ll be a few more days before Hayato found out.
When he looks over to Usaida, he’s no help. Just shrugs and rounds the kids up into a line so they could all go back to the daycare room together. Ryuu sighs, brushing off his apron as he follows Hayato to the water fountain.
“What’s this you’re telling those kids about me feeling bad?” Hayato gets to the point as soon as they reach the fountain.
Ryuu blinks in surprise, even though he should really be used to how direct Hayato was by this point. He keeps staring as Hayato wets a towel to wipe the sweat off of him. “Uh, what?”
“Yesterday. You told the kids I said something bad about myself.” He explained. “That idiot was crying over it when we got home. ‘Nii-chan, don’t hate Ryuu-kun forever!’” He mocked in a flat voice.
“So Taka-kun told you, huh…” Ryuu kicked aside a pebble. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to tell everyone about your business. I was just…” Worried? Bothered? Angry at you for being wrong? Angry that you don’t see yourself the way I do?
“I don't really care what you choose to do with what I tell you.” Hayato shrugs.
That both calms and annoys Ryuu. Shouldn’t he care about what’s being said about him? Especially if it is something private like this? These past few days, everytime he thought of Hayato, something in his chest clenched, to the point where it was almost painful. He doesn’t get it at all.
“But listen,” He throws his towel over his shoulder, crossing his arms. “If you're going to get so worked up about something I said a few days ago then you should just forget it. You got enough to worry about, you don't need to add me onto that list.”
Ryuu feels something sharp dig into his chest as Hayato turns to leave. Without thinking, his feet had started running and Ryuu crashed into his back, gripping tightly onto the back of Hayato's baseball jersey to hide his face. For a moment, he reminds himself of Taka, always clinging to and crying on his brother.
“Of course I'm going to worry about you!” He shouts, muffled by the jersey. “We're friends after all! I'm always going to worry about you, that's just what friends do!”
Hayato doesn't respond, just stands frozen as Ryuu continues. “And… I'm sorry. You're right, I am worrying too much over something so small.”
“I was just…” He tried to find the words. Why did Hayato claiming that he wouldn't be a good father bother him so much? It's not like he usually gets worked up about anything else. “...If you really did have a dream of having a family of your own one day but didn't because of something you think is true, then I'd be really sad for you. It was selfish, and I'm sorry.”
Hayato stays quiet, slowly pulling himself from Ryuu's grasp. Ryuu lets him go. He expected Hayato to go back to practice or something but he instead received a flick to the forehead.
“Ow! What the heck?” Ryuu rubs the sore spot, much to Hayato's amusement.
“You're stupid. Of course I know you're going to worry. I just hate that you're worrying this much. To me, it's not a big deal but I still wanted to tell you anyway since friends should know what's on each other's minds.”
Friends. Right, they are friends. Ryuu can’t help but smile, even though his forehead still hurts. Even though there’s a slight emptiness in his heart he couldn’t understand.
“I was gonna keep telling you things like this, but if you continue to worry yourself sick with the shit I say then I won't want to. Which would really suck for me since I want to tell you these things, Kashima.”
“You do?”
Hayato avoids the question. “What I'm trying to say is that you don't need to think so hard on it. I already have a family of my own; the old lady and the brat. And even if I did have a chance to become a dad, I wouldn't.”
“I spend too much of my time ‘round kids, I know what they need to turn out well adjusted and only a strict parent like I'd be ain't gonna cut it.” He holds up a hand. “You don't need to protest, Kashima. I know myself better than anyone and I don't think my style of dealing with kids is ever gonna change. That's why I said, if you were the other parent, you'd be able to balance me out. That way, I'd have nothing to worry about since you'll catch me if I fall and I'll catch you. You make me the best version of myself. That's all there is to it.”
At that, Hayato turns around as if to actually go back to practice, but Ryuu catches the back of his uniform jersey again before he could get too far.
“Kamitani…” Ryuu’s face was burning red, he could feel it. Really… saying things so shamelessly… “You say that you want us to raise children together like it’s the most simple thing in the world.”
Hayato’s eyebrows twitched in surprise. “Is it not?”
“I guess it is, but if you go around saying things like that so casually to people they might get the wrong idea!” Ryuu hits his shoulder a few times, too embarrassed to do anything else.
Hayato doesn’t seem bothered, looking more amused than anything else. It’s as if he couldn’t feel Ryuu’s hits at all. “Ah? It’s not like I’m gonna want to say these things to anyone else but you though.”
That makes Ryuuichi completely stop dead in his tracks, giving Hayato the opportunity to slip his jersey out of Ryuu’s hands. He easily goes back to practice as if he didn’t just drop a bombshell on Ryuu, leaving him still and redder than anyone has ever seen him.
-
They don’t talk about it. Or at least, Ryuu doesn’t know how to talk about it with Hayato. He couldn’t look him in the eye without getting flustered and needing to turn away.
It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that everyone noticed the tension between the two, glancing in between them as they took care of daycare responsibilities from opposite sides of the room.
But no one was saying anything, and that might be the part that’s actually driving Ryuu crazy.
This silence lasted only one day until Ryuu gathered up all his strength to confront Hayato. Again, during naptime, but at least this time, the kids were sleeping when they were supposed to be sleeping, during the afternoon break.
Ryuu finishes wiping down the kiddie table, sneaking glances at Hayato as he reads all of them, including Usaida, to sleep. When they’re all calm and snoring, he covers each and every one of them properly before finding a spot to lie down himself.
Someone who wouldn’t be a good father, everyone. Ryuu finds himself smiling.
Hayato took a spot near the end of the futon, on the other side of Taka, actually. Ryuu quietly pads over, sitting next to the futon.
“Kamitani.” Ryuu whispered.
Hayato’s eyes snap open, blinking up at Ryuu in surprise. “...Kashima?”
“I think I figured out why I was worrying so much about what you said to me the other day.”
“You’re still on about that?” Hayato shifts, trying to get up, but Ryuu stops him.
“Last time I’ll ever mention it, I promise.” Ryuu clenched his fists. “What you said about not being able to be a good dad? You're wrong.”
“Ka–”
“You are wrong. The way you take care of Takuma and Kazuma, peeling oranges for them, the way you indulge Kirin when she plays, the way you care for Kotarou, Midori and Taka too, in your own way of course.. Don't forget, you're the one who actually taught Kotarou how to count! They're all qualities of a good role model and caretaker.” Ryuu points out.
“And don't say things like, ‘Oh I'm in the club, it's expected of me’ or ‘It’d be bothersome if I didn't do these things’. You didn't have to join the club but you did. You don't have to protect the kids as fiercely as you do but you still do. Even when they're all crying and difficult, you still choose to stay. If you think you wouldn't be a good parent when you're already a good caretaker, then you're the one that's stupid.”
Hayato looks like he's about to turn his head away so Ryuu places a hand beside his head, using that arm to prop himself up as he leans over him, so Hayato has no choice but to look at Ryuu. “Parenting is a tough job. A job I don't think anyone could be truly ready for. I'm sure every parent feels like they're the worst one in the world at times. But, Kamitani, you have shown me time and time again that you are a kind and caring person, even if you're a little rough. I think… that's the only thing that's really needed to raise a child. There's nothing wrong being strict sometimes with children.”
“I just need you to realize that.” Ryuu sighs, in a soft voice.
“And I need you to realize that I only turned out this way because you were here.” Hayato says in turn. “You're good. And you're gentle and kind. You being you is what made me want to become softer while dealing with these kids. Kashima, you bring out the best in everyone. Not just me.”
“Maybe. But I want to keep seeing the best version of you. You bring out the best in me too.” Ryuu can feel one of Hayato's hands sneak up to grab the fabric around his waist. “I'm sure that you'll be a great dad, Kamitani.”
“I already told you I got no intentions of becoming a parent if you're not there with me.”
“Who said I wouldn't be beside you?” Ryuu poked Hayato's cheek. Then, in an even quiet voice, “A quiet and warm house with you in it sounds like a place I'd be longing to return to every day.”
The grip on his waist tightens. Hayato's face doesn't look that much different from usual, if you ignore the brilliant pink blush and the eyes looking up at Ryuuichi like he just gave him the world and more. He could almost laugh. Hayato looked much more like Taka with that wide-eyed, giddy expression of his.
“Sounds like it's settled then.” Hayato smiles, tugging Ryuu to be closer. “Oi. Lean down so I can kiss you.”
Ryuu smiles, letting himself be pulled down so that Hayato can meet him halfway and give him a kiss so soft and gentle, Ryuu could think he was dreaming.
Kamitani’s heart is going a mile a minute, Ryuu realized, placing hand on his chest to feel it beating. He's sure he's not much better though. Ryuu… doesn't think he's ever felt this type of explosive happiness in his life. He grips onto Hayato's dress shirt too, to steady himself if nothing else.
Hayato is the one who breaks their kiss, tugging Ryuu down so he'd be laying mostly on his chest. When Ryuuichi presses his face into Hayato's neck in an effort to be closer, he finds that the back of Hayato's neck and his ears are incredibly red and warm.
“...What now?” Ryuu mutters into blushing skin. He swears Hayato's grip gets just a bit tighter.
“Whatever you want. We can be together as long as we want to be. We don't need labels or anything like that.” Is Hayato's response, voice softer than Ryuu has ever heard it. “My future involves you. That's enough for me.”
“Whatever I want?” Ryuu repeats. “Hm, I want you to stay in my life forever. With Kotarou, Taka and everyone else. I want us all to live long and healthy lives.”
“I don't think we could get rid of them if we tried.” Hayato traces circles into Ryuu's back. “And I'm sure as hell not planning on ever leaving you.”
Ryuu laughs a bit at that, relishing in the feeling of being in a loved one's arms like this. The last time he felt this steady… was on his birthday, when Obaa-san gave him a hug. “Then, I want… to stay like this a while longer. But class is starting again soon.”
“Then let's just stay like this. Pretend we fell asleep too.” Hayato reaches and covers Ryuu with a blanket. “Skipping afternoon classes just for today won't hurt.”
Ryuu was about to protest, he really was. He knows how important it was to keep up with his studies since it was one of Obaa-san’s conditions to let him and Kotarou stay with her. And skipping this one afternoon could easily snowball into two afternoons or more. Ryuu can't have that happening.
But here, it's so warm and cozy. Surrounded by the soft snores of toddlers and Hayato's firm's arms, he feels like he's home. Ryuu… couldn't find it in him to say no.
So he sighs and snuggles closer, closing his eyes. “I changed my mind. Maybe you bring out the worst in me instead.”
Hayato laughs, just a little, “I can live with that. We’ll need to balance each other out if we're gonna raise kids some day.”
Ryuu wants to reply “Aren't we already?” But his eyelids droop and his tongue gets heavy to the point when all he could do was slip off to sleep.
He swears though, Hayato murmurs something to him and presses a kiss against his hair just before he does.
Even if he thinks he's not going to be a good dad, he's already a decently good brother and someone special to Ryuu.
That’s enough for Hayato, and it's enough for Ryuu too.