Work Text:
In all of the Gunnhildr diaries the library in the Headquarters holds, one thing remains the same, unchanging through the centuries despite the books’ constant wear and tear.
The only reason they are still legible is that the people care greatly for their history. Highly careful treatment of the books, their constant upkeep and detailed translations ensure that should the people of Mondstadt ever forget what transpired before the modern generations, these diaries would be there to help them remember. Nothing is ever truly lost, not when librarian after librarian takes responsibility for its preservation.
The oldest of them, a book so ancient it is only available in copies, speaks a sentence translated so many times that the true meaning can only be speculated. You cannot fool the God of Fools.
Later books, such as one diary from the first ever city hall built in the middle of Cider Lake, echo this statement in various ways. He who has no eyes sees through everything. Or, perhaps: Mindlessness breeds mindfulness.
It is only younger diaries that elaborate on this saying, scattered through other, mundane entries: A bored Barbatos is an annoying Barbatos.
Of course, that is what the original phrase says. The one that is actually located in the library itself says something milder, something akin to A bored lord is a handful. These diaries hold state secrets, after all, and they cannot afford to have such blatant confidential information on display.
At least that's what Jean tells herself. Perhaps the person in charge of this, centuries ago, simply decided the original saying was too insulting. Maybe they were the pious kind, one to take offense on behalf of their absent Divinity.
Either way, the meaning is clear: You can't lie to Venti, and a bored Venti is a mischievous one.
The important thing to note is that Jean has many things on her plate at all times, whether it being her people's everyday troubles or the paperwork forwarded to her because of Varka’s absence. No offense to any of her ancestors, God forbid, but she does not have the time to add Venti's habits to that list. Plain and simple, her ancestors will have to deal with the fact that her God is running around in boredom. He's lived for millennia, he can find ways to entertain himself.
The other important thing to note is that the old diaries never elaborated on the meaning behind the word annoying.
“Venti,” Jean says, and feels like she really shouldn't be doing this at this point in time. Is it too late for a change of occupation? Surely Varka won't mind the lack of an assistant. “I can handle the affairs of the Knights of Favonius just fine.”
Venti, who is standing at Jean’s desk and holding a pile of paperwork he ‘stole and filled out for her because he didn't really have anything else to do’, smiles as if her statement was a suggestion. “You've got your hands full! I don't mind helping. I also cleared out the commissions that were nearby, by the way. Less work for you!”
It is a relief. It is horrific. Her Archon is working a nine-to-five without a salary.
His next attempts at curing boredom shift into gifts. Edible, to be exact. This particular hobby of his begins with a freshly made apple pie on her windowsill, the patterns of dough and apples resembling dandelions. Jean is flattered, of course, to receive such a gift from her Archon. She is less flattered, however, when the occasional apple pie turns into bowls of ratatouille on her desk after she comes back from a meeting. After the ratatouille, Venti begins leaving cornbread buns and breadsticks in whatever places he thinks she will find them. Her desk drawer, her jacket pockets, and the hands of her Knights. (“Venti left this for you,” Huffman says, handing over a baguette.)
Not that she isn't grateful, but when it becomes obvious that Venti is using her as an outlet for his creative boredom, she starts to hesitate before eating the gifts he leaves. Bread, vegetables, and apples – this Venti must know like the back of his hand. It's the newer recipes, like Fontaine’s macarons and Inazuma’s dishes, that look less and less edible each time she stumbles upon them on her desk, still steaming hot.
Has she become the housewife of an Archon without noticing?
Nonetheless, Jean starts eating lunch in her office, and locks the office doors when she leaves. In her humble, mortal mind, this should put a stop to the number of experiments appearing before her.
This hobby of his boils over when Jean spots a falcon at her window, specifically one of Diluc’s, holding a bag of baked chestnuts in its beak. She is starting to understand. A bored Barbatos is one that will befriend Diluc’s birds to continue pestering her with baking experiments.
After that, Venti seems to quiet down for a while. At least it seems that way, until her Knights inform her that Venti sings songs about their beloved Acting Grandmaster in the city square. The words he weaves are flattering, yes, but must he sing such songs to people she sees everyday?
He sings about the Cavalry Captain, too, and hums verses about their Uncrowned King of wine. That one gets an amused letter of complaint from Diluc himself. Is this what our Archon spends his days doing?
It becomes clear to Jean, then, what the diaries and books meant.
It happens on a lovely day. The sun shines high in the sky, warming the streets and allowing the people to shed a few layers in its heat. Venti sits at the fountain, hands strumming simple tunes on his lyre, his cape crumpled up beside him. A child was just asking him about the origins of the song he was singing, in fact!
This is precisely when Noelle chooses to appear, waving to a few citizens on her way over. On Noelle’s face sits a smile practiced and formal.
“Venti,” she greets, warm but reserved. Polite. Always so polite! “What a lovely day, hm?”
A grin forms on his face, delighted at the sudden turn of events. “It is, indeed!” he beams, “What could this humble bard offer, to warrant a visit from a Knight of Favonius in the flesh?”
“Ah,” Noelle fixes her hair, tugs at her sleeve, hiding nerves. “I have been told of the advice you give on occasion.”
Ooh! That is true – lately, Venti finds himself with too much time on his hands. He was absolutely happy to listen to random strangers’ problems and offer solutions. It was exciting and new! Offering someone a new perspective on their issue usually helped solve it pretty fast!
“I suppose I can thank my reputation for that,” Venti hums.
Noelle clears her throat. “Is that something you would like to do more often?”
Now, this catches his attention.
See, there is this specific rule Venti has learned over the years. If people trust you, they are prone to taking your advice without thinking too deeply about it beforehand. From absolute strangers on his travels, to fellow colleagues and friends – Venti is very happy to listen and offer his opinion when the stakes are not too high.
(It helps that he is very nosy.)
But should he offer the wrong advice to the wrong person… that would be a catastrophe! Venti is no athlete, and running from consequences isn’t his favorite thing to do. He’d rather avoid that possibility!
“Do you need a shoulder to cry on?” He chooses to say, instead. “I am very happy to offer a listening ear in a time of need!”
But Noelle; independent and anxious Noelle; shakes her head. “No, no,” she says, “It’s not for me. The Knights recently decided that a city therapist might help the people resolve their issues before they can, um–”
“Pile up complaints on Jean’s desk?” Venti guesses. Fair enough! What a noble goal! His Gunnhildrs are always so stressed, it would do them good to have more moments to breathe. It is a shame that they never quite enjoy his attempts at helping them achieving that. (Perhaps the bird was a bit much? Alas, it’s not his fault Jean forgets to eat sometimes!)
Noelle proceeds to lay out the details to him. There is no need for an office, instead they will assign him a private table in the library. He will not be made aware of who is meeting with him beforehand to protect their privacy, and he is not to discuss their problems outside of the set meeting time.
And towards the end: “You will be compensated, of course,” Noelle says, “With Mora given per meeting–”
“Noelle,” Venti starts, “I have no need for compensation! I am truly honored that Mondstadt has chosen me for the task! However–”
Noelle says, hesitantly: “I suppose it could be adjusted to apples?”
Venti springs to his feet. “I’m in! When do I start?”
The library really is a lovely place. it is cozy and warm, radiating comfort from every nook and cranny with its pleasant layout and atmosphere. (Maybe it is something only Venti feels, but being surrounded by so many stories helps him relax!) Jack, however, doesn’t seem to think so. He is very nervous, as if he has never done something like this before.
Scandalous! Talking about his feelings… Horrible!
“Hi!” Venti beams, and extends a hand. “I’m Venti, your therapist for today!”
Jack stares at the hand with wide eyes before he takes it. “Um,” he stutters, “I’m… Jack…”
Snail’s pace... That’s okay! The important part is that Jack came here in the first place.
“Why do you think they don’t want you to become an adventurer?” Venti asks a while later. His head is propped up with his hand, and his hat has disappeared somewhere in an attempt to look more welcoming. Still, it seems that Jack has issues opening up.
“You already know,” Jack says, hesitantly. “We know each other.”
“Not right now!” Venti winks. “Right now, we are complete strangers! I know nothing! And after you walk out of here, I will continue to know nothing!”
Venti ends up being right. Jack’s presence in the library in the first place is proof enough that he needs this. And when he starts talking, he has trouble stopping! Venti rushes to keep up, imagining all the things that Jack is saying, and finds himself nodding in understanding.
“Do you have a pet?” Venti asks him.
Confused, Jack takes a moment to respond. “Um, yes. We have a dog in the house.”
“Would you not also be afraid to let it out into the world on its own?” Venti asks. “You would spend every waking moment worrying! Does it have food? Did it find shelter? Is it still alive? It’d be horrific!”
It seems Jack has heard something like this before. “But it’s my dream,” he defends himself. “I can’t help it. I won’t be happy doing anything else, Venti. I just don’t know how to help them understand it.”
At those words, Venti’s face lights up. “Exactly that. You have to make them see your reality. Make a compromise – find a job they’ll approve of. Let them see how unhappy it makes you. No sane parent can handle seeing their child throwing away their dreams. They will know, then – that your fate is in the wilderness!”
“Exactly!” Jack grins, “In the wilderness! Under the sky, in foreign lands!”
“Devoured by beasts, not by old age or boredom!”
Jack’s smile becomes awkward. “Um. Yeah, I guess.”
After Jack leaves, his table becomes occupied by Lawrence, who just came to chat. They talk as if they are strangers, sharing information that is common sense by now as if it was the newest story in the print. Then he gets a visit from Anna, discussing the fears she has about her future and how that affects her behavior towards her loved ones.
After a week, Venti has already learned so much about the people he sees everyday that he decides to continue. The people are happy, he is happy – as it should be!
Bea, Sara, even Charles come for a visit, discussing their life’s woes or just wanting someone to talk to someone without facing judgement. Even a few of the Fatui agents in Mondstadt come to talk, having heard of the discrecy and openmindedness of Venti. Truly, Venti thinks he has seen practically every citizen sitting in that chair in front of him, cozy in the hidden corner of the library.
Some come regularly, some come only once. Some leave before Venti can even say anything worthwhile. This is all expected, of course. A hundred people, a hundred tastes.
However, the only thing that makes Venti’s eyebrow raise is the fact that Huffman is the third knight in a row to make an appearance at the library therapy chair.
Curiosity overtakes him. He tells himself, trying to be rational: If the next guest is a knight, he will investigate. Aside from that, he pays full attention to Huffman’s problems, offering insight and advising him on how to make his life easier for himself. “Stop paying so much attention to Diluc, for one,” Venti chastises, “And no, I won’t tell you if he’s been here about vigilante stuff.”
And then, of course – Sir Kaeya walks through the door.
“Having fun?” Kaeya asks, sashaying over to the chair like a sly cat. He looks entirely comfortable, if it weren’t for the way his eye crinkles at the corner and his lip twitches each time he looks Venti in the eyes.
However, Venti is a stranger right now. (Wink.) “Hello!” He beams. “I’m Venti!”
“I heard you’ve become quite popular among the people,” Kaeya says in an off-handed manner, sitting down in the chair. “Practically everyone’s been here by now, hm?”
Venti cannot help but feel fond. Curse his inability to stop loving humanity! And Sir Kaeya is one of the interesting ones, similar to a puzzle that Venti cannot wait to piece together. Ah, if only Kaeya trusted him a little more to know he means no harm.
“I can’t answer that,” Venti smiles, showing teeth. It’s what Kaeya expects, after all. Behaving differently would make him suspicious. “What would you like to discuss?”
Barely a minute in, and Venti can already tell Kaeya is not here of his own accord. The issue he brings to the table is some tale about how a colleague of his got injured a few days back, and for some reason, Kaeya can’t shake the experience off. “I just keep thinking of his crying,” Kaeya says, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t know how to move forward from such an experience, is all.”
The script Kaeya is writing would have Venti leaning forward, wary. “Does crying always make you react this way?” He’s supposed to ask, feed into Kaeya’s image of him – collector of information. Of weaknesses.
In reality, Venti is well aware this colleague doesn’t exist and the issue is a story Kaeya stole from a book on the way here. But this is a bit more fun, going along with it, letting Kaeya think he has the upper hand. It’s a relationship that isn’t very fruitful, but Venti doesn’t want Kaeya to get scared. Who knows – If Venti revealed all the things he knows about, Kaeya might run all the way to another land!
Their meeting ends with Kaeya shaking Venti’s hand in a manner too threatening to be reassuring. Something is definitely afoot, and when the next person to walk to his table is Bruce, Venti isn’t even surprised.
“Welcome, welcome!” He calls, pulling out a chair for Bruce to sit on. “I’m Venti!”
And as Bruce begins spilling a very obvious lie, Venti starts thinking.
“You should burn it,” Venti says, smiling.
Noelle blinks at him. “Um, pardon?”
“The books that are so frustrating to study for your exam– burn them! Actually, why not just stop being a Knight? Maybe you could move to Sumeru and enroll in the Akademiya…”
Horrible advice. Downright criminal! But Noelle’s expression is to die for. The way her lips purse brings him joy. He keeps waiting for it; No way! The complaint would surely get to whoever set this up. Why would they allow a ‘therapist’ to tell his clients to burn public property?
And yet, Noelle says nothing at all. “I have an important matter to tend to,” she says instead. “Thank you for listening.”
The next person at his table is Bea, again. Except they’ve already solved her issues about two months ago. He hasn’t seen her since!
“Um,” she says, nervous for some reason. “I have– anxiety. Can you help with that?”
“You should throw explosives in rivers,” Venti says. “I’ve heard it’s revolutionary.”
After Bea, several Knights cycle through his table until they run out of things to say. It’s becoming a bit of a fun hobby now. Thinking up ways to mess up problems rather than fixing them. It’s definitely more relaxing!
“Hm,” Venti says.
It is Huffman in the chair again, this time. Looking around the way he is doing right now is one of the biggest giveaways. Huffman is a confident person who doesn’t doubt himself very much. Hm, indeed! “Stalk him,” Venti says.
“Pardon?”
Venti gives him a wide smile. “Follow him! Even better, break into his house! That will satiate your curiosity about his ‘nightly activities’, no?”
The fact that this stunt doesn’t go anywhere is incredible. It’s almost enough to make Venti give up the act and go see it through himself.
It almost becomes… boring, after that. No matter what he says to these actors, it’s as if he didn’t say anything at all. How is that fair?! He’s putting so much work into thinking of the worst possible course of action to take in their imaginary stories, and they don’t even do anything about it!
It is very troublesome, in fact. Venti props his head up with his hand as he yawns, listening to Bea’s never improving anxiety problems for the fifth time this week. It’s not even fun anymore!
However, there are still people who need his help. In between the obvious liars, he continues listening to genuine troubles. Still, having Klee in front of him is just too good an opportunity to pass up. “Hello,” he beams, “I’m Venti!”
“Hello,” she greets him back, suddenly shy. Very unlike her!
Taking the initiative, Venti holds out a hand for her to shake. “In this room, we don’t know each other! I know nothing about you, and when you walk out, I will continue to know nothing!”
Klee is always a very sweet person to be around. This time is no different, because after she pushes past the initial barrier of doing something she’s not entirely sure of, she begins spilling secret after secret.
“And I love my mommy very much,” Klee whines, “But I barely see her! And sometimes, when Master Jean gets mad at me, she looks just like her! And then I remember my mommy, and then I get very sad…”
Forgoing the usual eye-to-eye experience, Venti lets Klee climb onto his knees so she can wrap her arms around him in search of comfort. He coos at her, rubbing circles into her back as he hums a melody each time there's a moment of silence.
“That must be very hard,” Venti says, “And you are such a brave girl for handling it so well!” Then he reaches an arm out to bring Klee’s backpack to both of their eyes. “It's a relief that you have all these things with you to remind you that your mommy loves you!”
“I know,” Klee says, muffled into Venti's shirt, and sniffles. “That does make me feel happy.”
“Speaking of Master Jean,” Venti says, “Can I tell you a secret?”
As expected, word spreads before the day can even end. The next day, the city is buzzing with the news. Their Acting Grandmaster herself!, they whisper amongst themselves. How exciting!
At first, the Headquarters only host a few bystanders that came to get good viewing spots. As time ticks by, the number of these bystanders increases until it can be considered a crowd.
In between all of this, Venti gets ready with a delighted spring in his step.
Somewhere near the meeting rooms, Klee apologises to Jean for something Jean doesn't understand. Somewhere by the entrance doors, a Mondstadt citizen asks their neighbor if the rumor said six or seven o'clock. Somewhere by the plaza, Venti tunes his lyre in preparation.
The nature of trust and strong relationships is that even if you don't voice certain things, the unspoken context makes people eager to act in some ways.
Venti never told Klee that she wasn't allowed to tell anyone of this event. He also never told his ‘clients’ that they weren't allowed to talk amongst themselves about their sessions. And yet, the nature of their relationship to each other means that Klee – not hearing the words forbidding her from gossiping – spilled the beans before she even left the building that day. And the nature of Venti's relationship to everyone else means that they spread this gossip to each other faster than one could hope to stop them, aware that this was well within their right as a client.
That is a lot of words to convey that Venti's plan is going perfectly.
“What is the meaning of this?” A Knight asks, agast.
Someone yells: “Get the Grandmaster already!” Cheers erupt.
Venti makes his way to the front just as Jean walks down the wooden staircase. It is amazing timing, the roar of the crowd in the Headquarters hallway mixed with the hollering of Knights telling them to quiet down. “Everyone!” Venti calls, and Jean's eyes focus on him with laser-sharp focus – not unlike a hawk, too awed by the confusion of the situation.
Did you organise this? Jean looks like she's going to ask. Is this your fault?
Venti cries: “The second protagonist of today's duet! Please welcome your Grandmaster, who shall join me in singing the entire discography of this lovely nation!
“Please make noise for our first song – Hiring Actors To Play As Therapy Patients!”
Jean; tone-deaf, banned from choir, unable to hold a note Jean, gets her eardrums blasted by the loud enthusiasm from the crowd.
Venti's therapy office doesn't get much use after that.
Centuries later, a young Gunnhildr will flip through the pages of modern diaries of their predecessors. There, written by a skilled but tired hand, unsigned but symbolised by doodles of dandelions, sits a note.
A bored Barbatos is an annoying one, indeed.