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The bad news sandwich. She'd seen it done before. Hell, she was sure her parents had used it on her before, given their polite and people-pleasing tendencies that they just had to pass down to their only child. She could insert her life-altering news between two good things. Right?
"Mom, Dad...I made varsity!" They would be so happy they'd forget all about what was to follow.
“Oh, and I like girls. Like, romantically. Like, I’m never going to have a boyfriend.” It wouldn’t be that hard.
Though, she wasn’t going to kid herself that two democratic-voting, New Jersey citizens were all of a sudden going to magically accept that their “precious gift from above” rejected all social norms and wanted nothing to do with the male species.
Her parents may have been a lot more progressive and accepting than most, but this wasn’t New York City. She lived in a small town. She played soccer and made near straight A’s. How was she supposed to tell them that was the only straight thing about her?
She’d been so worked up about it the entire week that Coach had pulled her aside after practice on Friday to ask if she needed a break. She’d put her best game face on and declined, of course.
It had gotten so bad, even, that instead of walking Van to her bus stop as she did every day (without fail, rain or shine), she simply bid her goodbye at practice and ran to her mom’s car.
“Hey, baby, how was school?” Her mom’s smile was warm and comforting, and a twinge of guilt tried to make its way onto Taissa’s face.
“Same as usual.” She offered up a small smile before putting up her hand in a slight wave out the window.
As they drove away from the soccer field, Tai couldn’t pull her eyes away from Van’s confused and slightly hurt stare.
“Dad’s making a roast tonight. He has that quarterly meeting tomorrow at work, so we wanted to do something that could have a lot of leftovers. You won’t mind taking that to school tomorrow, right?”
As her mom continued on, all Tai could do was nod every so often in response. Her stomach was in knots. Why the hell did she decide today was the day to tell them everything? It could wait! At least another week. Or maybe until she was in college?
Yeah. Surely, lots of people in college were cool and accepting, too. Maybe she and Van could find other gay friends…
“Okay, spill. What’s going on with you?” Her mom pulled to a stop at a red light near the entrance of their neighborhood. Tai immediately stopped messing with the hangnail she’d been favoring for the entirety of the drive and met eyes with the woman beside her.
“What? Nothing.” She was quick to deflect, shrugging.
“Taissa Lee.” Her mother sent one of her famous “don’t play with me right now” looks as the light turned green and she continued into their neighborhood.
“Did you miss a goal? It’s just practice, baby. We always say ‘remember it doesn’t affect the game’. Right? Did one of your friends make fun of you for it?”
Tai took a deep breath, steeling herself, and sat up straighter in her seat. As they pulled into the garage, she yanked her backpack up from below her seat and pulled it to her chest.
She stared down at her lap. “Can we just…talk about it inside? I don’t feel good.”
Her mom’s gaze softened tremendously. “Of course, baby. Whatever you need. Let’s get some food in you, and Dad and I can listen to whatever you want to talk about. Okay?”
Tai gave her a small smile in return, nodding. As her Mom pulled into the garage, Tai hopped out, slinging her heavy backpack over her shoulder and heading straight inside.
She wanted nothing more than to go straight to her room and work on homework. Anything would be a welcome distraction right now from the overwhelming smell of her father’s cooking and the dread hanging over her.
“Sounds like the soccer star’s back!” Tai heard as she attempted to rush past the kitchen, to no avail. She sent a polite smile at her dad over her shoulder and dropped her bag onto the floor by the island. “Smells good,” was all she could manage to get out.
“Why, thank you. Been slaving away at this Crock Pot all day.” His always-joking personality, which usually filled Taissa with the warm joy of having two loving parents, now just seemed to ignite her nerves once more.
God. Get a grip. She took another steeling breath as her mom entered the kitchen, and Tai could see her giving her father a look that meant business. He set his utensils down and moved over to where they could all sit at the kitchen table.
“Taissa wants to talk to us, Hank.” Her mother started, reaching for Tai’s hand to pat it softly just once. “Go ahead, baby. Good news or bad news, we love you.”
Tai’s eyes immediately began to well up with tears, but she fought them off, blinking at the ceiling. “I, um…I made varsity. The team. They told us this morning on the announcements.”
She could practically see the relief wash over her parents. With it came that yucky guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach again. “That’s amazing, bug!” Her dad clapped her on the back enthusiastically.
She couldn’t help but smile back at the two of them. “Thanks. All my friends made it, too, and so…really excited to get going with them. Coach thinks we’re going to crush it at State.”
The nerves started melting away as she imagined holding the trophy next to Van…seeing the beaming redheaded goalie leaping for joy with all their teammates. It felt right.
Her mom reached over to touch her hand again. “Is that all, baby? I mean, we are so proud of how hard you’ve worked to get here! But after practice, you sure seemed…” Ruby Turner trailed off at the end of her sentence, raising her eyebrows slightly at her daughter.
“Oh, yeah…that.” Tai chuckled awkwardly, seeming to only stare down at the kitchen table. “I, um…” She took a shaky breath. “I don’t know how to…” She blinked up at the ceiling once more.
“You know, um…you know how a lot of the girls on the team have boyfriends?” She felt like it was a good enough way to start the conversation. Surely, her parents had been waiting around for her to have some semblance of a love life at the ripe age of sixteen. Surely, they’d been sitting around thinking how weird it was that she only ever hung out with a few close friends.
At the nodding of her parents, Tai continued. “Well, um…they always bring them around at parties and stuff, and, I don’t know, they’ve tried to set me up sometimes and um…” God, why was this so much harder than she’d even imagined?
“I don’t want that.” She muttered, slightly under her breath. Her eyes were cast down at her lap. She hated how small she felt. And with two of the most supportive people in her life next to her. She wished she could be braver. Part of her knew that getting this out had to be better than keeping it in.
“It’s…completely normal to not want a boyfriend, bug. With everything you’ve got going on, I’m surprised you even have time for friends!” Her dad was encouraging as he tried to make a joke of it all. “I mean, I can’t say I’d be too into the idea of you having a boyfriend so young anyways.”
Ruby sent him a look that clearly meant for him to can it immediately. “Baby, if you don’t want a boyfriend right now, there’s always college! You are making the most of your high school years right now…we love that for you. You are such a good student. And an even better athlete.” She switched to holding Taissa’s hand fully in her own.
One of the tears she’d been trying so hard to keep inside managed to finally slip free down her cheek. Of course, they noticed right away and Tai could practically hear the both of them waiting on bated breath.
“I don’t want a boyfriend. At all. Ever.” Her voice was soft at first, but somehow, the more she spoke, the easier the words came out. “I don’t think I ever will. I…I like girls. A girl. One. I don’t know…it’s new, I…I like her.”
The silence was almost too much. Tai began gauging the distance from the kitchen table to her bedroom in case she needed to make a quick getaway. It felt like an eternity before anyone said anything. You could hear a pin drop in that kitchen.
In her peripheral vision, Tai could see her parents communicating wordlessly on who would be the first to say something. But, it seemed neither one was prepared to do anything besides look at their daughter helplessly.
“Can one of you say something, please?” Another tear slipped down her cheek as her mother wrapped her up in a loving embrace. Tai could swear she felt wetness from her own tears on her shoulder.
“Baby, it’s okay. I promise it’s okay with us. We love you. It’s okay.” Her mom murmured into her curls, smoothing them with her hand. “I’m sorry if we made you think that this wouldn’t be okay. You can always tell us anything.” Ruby pulled back to look her right in the eyes.
“Taissa, you’re not in trouble. Why are you so upset? You know you probably aren’t the only one at your school…” Her dad was giving her the most gentle gaze, and it made Tai’s heart feel like it was being squeezed. He was really trying to help in his own way. “You said…one? Is it somebody on your team?”
Tai nodded, still wrapped in her mom’s arms. Ruby began to smile at her daughter. “It is? Oh, baby, is it someone we’ve met? How sweet. It’s like a soccer romance…” Tai truly didn’t expect her to jump into the prying mother mode so quickly.
“Yeah, but…you’re okay? You’re sure that, um…you aren’t embarrassed of me, or you wish I was different…” She pulled back from her mom to fiddle with a loose string on her shorts.
“Impossible, bug. We could never be anything but proud of you.” Her dad nodded towards the counters behind him, indicating Tai follow him so he could check on dinner. “There’s gonna be a lot of people in this world who are not going to agree with your choices in life, Taissa. Whatever those choices may be.”
He lifted the lid of the crockpot to break up the meat before setting it down on the counter. “The most important choice you make is to follow your heart. Always. Can you promise us that?” Tai hadn’t noticed her mom coming up behind her until her hand was on her shoulder.
“Yeah.” Tai wiped at her eyes, giving them a shy smile. “Yeah, I can do that.” The sound of her stomach rumbling suddenly sent a lightness over the mood of the kitchen.
“I’ll finish this up while you go get changed.” Her dad said as he turned back to the food. Her mom began pulling plates out of the cabinet.
“Oh, and the phone’s free in case you want to, y’know…call anybody special.” She winked in her daughter’s direction, which sent Tai’s eyes into an immediate roll.
As she grabbed her backpack off the floor and headed off in the direction of her bedroom, Tai thought maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to give Van a call.