Work Text:
“Do you want a house like this, Kagome-sama?”
Sesshomaru had never been an effusive man, and what began as a nominally guided tour had slowly transformed into an unaided exploration of his labyrinth-like fortress-castle. Not blessed with any particular tenacity, Sesshomaru was in the habit of wandering away from activities that would not result in some sort of immediate personal benefit. Whatever gratification he gained from hearing Rin and Kagome compliment the artwork and arrangement of the rooms turned out to be fleeting. At some point or another, he had turned left when they turned right. Notions of proper hospitality on his part and what it meant to be a good guest on theirs had made Kagome inclined to go looking for him, but Rin demurred. If he didn’t want to play host, there was no sense in trying to make him. That he placed enough trust in them to allow full run of the grounds ought to satisfy Kagome.
She was the one who wanted to come here, after all.
There was a giddy thrill in examining someone else’s home without them. You could learn a lot about someone from how they lived. Sesshomaru had always been something of a mystery to Kagome and this unanticipated invitation to learn the context of his life without a prideful frown looming over her was fun. One could easily get lost in such a large estate. Many of the walls were washi paper in movable frames. How often had a frustrated nobleman given up, and taken the walls down to find their way back to the front gate?
Their exploration had led them to a manicured courtyard. In the distance, Kagome could spy the railings of a bridge peeking out from above flowering bushes. The gentle tinkle of a garden stream hidden somewhere beyond the flowers hit her ears.
If she thought about that too much, Kagome would need to pee.
With all the well-meaning ignorance of a woman who never had to think too often about her finances, Rin added, “I’m sure Inuyasha-sama could get you one.”
The house was a monument to artistry. Calligraphy hung on the walls. Shiny armor stood in proud stands. The ancient forebearers of things she used to take for granted lay nestled in nooks and crannies. Sesshomaru owned a mechanical clock, one of the very early ones where engineers were still trying to make one that could tell time in classical Japanese hours. Was that a tokonoma she spied, displaying a picturesque flower arrangement, or at this point in time, would it more properly be called a shiden-zukuri? Five years of permanent residence in the feudal era had yet to extinguish Kagome’s fascination with living in history.
“No, no, no.” Kagome waved her hands, trying to disperse what she knew was an honest question from a guileless woman, and not a passive-aggressive accusation of jealousy. She wasn’t envious of Rin and Sesshomaru’s relationship, or Rin and Sesshomaru’s finances, or the way Rin and Sesshomaru seemed to just acquire exorbitant amounts of luxury goods without any special desire or need for them.
Right now, Inuyasha, her husband, was working hard to provide the best life he could for Kagome and the child she carried. He had left town on another yokai extermination mission with Miroku. It had been difficult to let him go. She was confident the job would be easy enough – monsters so strong they gave Inuyasha trouble weren’t the sort to accidentally reveal themselves to humans. But she usually went with him.
To be pregnant and left behind was unsettling. Paranoia tickled the back of her mind. Conceiving had been more difficult than she anticipated. A natural birth in an era before hand-washing and pain-killers was hurtling towards her. In between was the clarity that she was carrying a baby without any of the medical advancements that had so dramatically increased odds for mothers and newborns worldwide.
All the women in her history books had done it. Sango had done it – three times!
A number noticeably smaller than the ten children she had wanted before marrying.
“The era I’m from…”
Few fortress-castles like this had survived from the warring states era all the way to Heisei. Those that did had all been altered over the years as martial technology advanced until eventually, it surpassed the need for fortress-castles at all. They became museums.
“We had a lot more creature comforts,” Kagome said. “I took it for granted.”
It was no secret that she enjoyed a bit of pampering where she could get it. Inuyasha was resourceful when it came to the challenge of finding ways to bring the comforts of Heisei to the feudal era. He once reclaimed a rice pot large enough to cook food for an entire army so that Kagome could have hot baths. Much as she loved to soak, it wasn’t the luxury she chased – it was the feeling.
The security.
Rin followed her down into the garden.
“Big Brother can only afford this place because of generational wealth,” Kagome said.
Rin scrunched her nose. “I’m pretty sure a human lord lived here until yesterday.”
Kagome laughed. “What?”
“I’ve never been here before. He’s never mentioned it. (Jaken-sama has never mentioned it.) He’s not proud of it. He doesn’t even care that we like it. Everything is beautiful, of course, but it isn’t how you would picture Sesshomaru-sama living, is it?”
Sesshomaru had aristocratic airs. Judging from their respective reception from other yokai, he was occupying some upper echelon of society that Inuyasha’s half-blooded parentage barred him from. For Sesshomaru to live in some lavish fortress-castle somewhere was precisely how Kagome pictured him. That was what warlords did, after all: surround themselves in all the beauty generations of bloodshed could buy while plotting the next conquest. “Why not?”
“All the artwork is humans.”
Kagome had noticed it wasn’t . There were paintings of trees and mountains. But all the women had been human. All the warriors had been human. Like visual white noise, the paintings had been admired and unexamined.
“And where is everyone? There are lots of dog yokai at Sesshomaru-sama’s mother’s house, but we’ve only seen Sesshomaru-sama and Jaken-sama!” Rin threw her arms out, a sweeping gesture that encompassed the whole courtyard. “Someone took care of this garden. Where are they?”
Kagome raised her eyebrows. “So you think, what? I said we should visit Big Brother while Inuyasha is out of town, so Sesshomaru conquered a castle for us to visit?”
That did not sound absurd to Rin. “Yes! Exactly that!”
“When I suggested it yesterday?”
Happy to be understood, Rin nodded. “Inuyasha-sama is strong. He could conquer you a castle, too, if you want.”
Inuyasha was a warrior. His skills should be in high demand. He was tenacious and creative when it came to problem solving. Bigotry was all that held him back – a lifetime of doors closed to hanyo. Working with Miroku granted him legitimacy. Inuyasha appeared trustworthy when standing next to the monk, even though the monk was anything but. Rin’s initial question had not been a subtle chide to be mindful of her jealousies. Rin was unflinchingly genuine, and so were her queries.
Could Inuyasha conquer a fortress and displace the entire community that once lived there? Become the very invading force he and Miroku were so often tasked with repelling?
Kagome preferred not to think about it. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Will Big Brother join us for dinner, do you think?”
“Probably not,” Rin said, examining their newest discovery. The library they stumbled upon only deepened her conviction that this was a human’s house. The texts were largely religious in nature. She was skeptical that beings harmed by sutras and purifications held such things in reverence.
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Why would it?”
Kagome bit her lip. “I guess,” she said after some contemplation, “I would feel neglected, if it were me.”
Silence did not usually come from Rin, so Kagome was surprised that the corner behind the shelf was quiet for so long. “That’s the thing,” Rin said finally. “I don’t feel neglected at all. I miss him, of course, when I don’t get to see him, but we have so much emotional intimacy that even though it’s not the kind of relationship where we see each other every day, I still feel like I see him a lot. When we are together, he's very warm.”
To Kagome’s ears, it still sounded like Rin was excusing Sesshomaru for being negligent. Then again, people chose to have long distance relationships in the future all the time. Why would the past be different?
“Kagome-chan, dinner is here.”
Gentle movements. An indulgent smile and kind eyes. Short cropped wavy hair.
Sometimes, when she was alone with her thoughts for too long, little regrets wafted across Kagome’s mind. She had been standing in the well shrine, heart hurting and longing for Inuyasha, when she saw the sky. After three years of being trapped on the Heisei side of the well, it had been impossible to trust that it would ever open again. It wasn’t an impulsive decision to jump in. Kagome knew her happiness was at Inuyasha’s side. She had had three years to examine her heart. But it had been a decision made across the span of a few breaths. Her imagination now pretended she had confidence in her options, that if she had slowed down and taken the time to prepare, the sky would have waited for her. She should have packed a first aid kit. Medicines.
Photographs.
The shock of seeing her mother in the door frame, looking just as she had the day Kagome left, twisted painfully. That was her mother’s face, her mother’s voice, her mother’s mannerisms – but it could not be her.
“Stop.” Her hands shook. “Whatever magic you are using,
stop.”
The Unmother’s face turned blank. Her hair hung long and straight and it felt as though it always had.
“My apologies, ma’am.” The servant bowed her head. “Your heart is sad.”
“Rin!” Kagome barked. “Close your eyes!”
“What’s going on?”
“Big Brother employs Unmothers – yokai women who mimic the face of your own mother.”
With a mournful lilt to her voice, the faceless woman protested. “I will not, if it distresses you so.”
Rin’s face appeared from over the bookshelves, fingers over her eyes. “She looks like my mother?”
For a faceless woman, she was so expressive. It cut Kagome’s heart to hear the woman plead as though rejected by her own child. “No – only to help – your heart yearns, but if you do not wish it –”
“We don’t,” Kagome said firmly. “Thank you for the meal. We’ll find our own way to the dining room.”
The woman backed out of the room.
“You can open your eyes now.”
Rin’s hands fell slowly. She licked her lips. “I’m not – sometimes, I wonder if I even remember what my mother really looked like. Or if I only remember the nightmares now.” Her brow furrowed. “If I looked at that yokai, would she really look like my mother?”
Kagome nodded stiffly.
“And she thought you wanted that.”
Whatever magic an Unmother used to peer into the souls of their victims was telling. “I do,” Kagome admitted. “Just not like that. My family is never going to meet my baby. I want to introduce them! But I can’t. Not ever.” She touched her fingertips to the corner of her eye, blotting the tears before they could fall. “Mama won’t know she’s a grandma. She’ll never baby-sit or show old photos of me to the baby or say things like, ‘You were just like that at her age!’”
Feudal women left their parents’ households to join with their husband, but they all went home to their mothers for a birth. No one understood what you were going through like the woman who did it for you. But Kagome’s mother wasn’t living in a house down the road. She was centuries into the future. Five years after Kagome had left home, and five hundred years away.
“It feels unfair to even say it,” Kagome whispered. “Sango-chan didn’t have her mama. She wasn’t taken away from me. I chose to come here. I don’t regret it. I want to be Inuyasha’s wife. I want to have children with him. But I wish my mama was here for it. For me.”
“It’s not unfair,” Rin said. “You’re allowed to have complicated feelings.”
Staring at the door the Unmother had disappeared through, it appeared Rin had complicated feelings, too.
“Do you want to look?” Kagome asked.
“Maybe,” Rin said. “I don’t know. What do you think is worse, looking or not looking?”
“For what it’s worth, I didn’t like it.”
“You can sleep in Big Brother’s room if you want. I won’t tell anyone.”
Come nightfall, they commandeered one of the eight tatami mat rooms towards the center of the estate. Several folded futons in the closet indicated it was a bedroom, so they pulled out two and set to making themselves comfortable.
Rin smoothed out her futon beside Kagome’s. “I don’t want to leave you by yourself.”
Kagome slipped under one of the plush comforters they had found. “Thanks. It’s hard to be away from Inuyasha at night. It gets too quiet and I start thinking about all the things that can go wrong…” She needed her husband by her side. At least knowing Sesshomaru was nearby meant anything catastrophic could be handled. “Do you think you and Big Brother will have kids?” Inuyasha had managed to force begrudging respect and a cessation of violent hostility from Sesshomaru, but he still wasn’t especially kind to his half-brother. Kagome wasn’t quite clear on what Sesshomaru or Rin expected from their interspecies romance.
As it happened, she nodded eagerly. “Oh yes, we have been trying very hard. I’ll be pregnant soon, I just know it.”
“Do you ever worry about – I don’t know – the state of the world? For hanyo?”
Rin shrugged. “All the hanyo I know are strong and live good lives, like Inuyasha-sama and Jinenji-sama. I don’t see a reason to worry about Sesshomaru-sama’s children.”
“It wasn’t always easy for Inuyasha and Jinenji. Sometimes it feels selfish to have a quarter-yokai baby just because I want to have a baby. What kind of life are we going to give them? Will they be accepted? Will they be safe? What if something happens to me and Inuyasha?”
Rin pursed her lips. “When my family died, the villagers were cruel to me. I was cold and hungry every single day. That won’t happen to your baby. You have a community that loves you. Kaede-sama and Sango-sama and the good monk would never, ever let your baby be treated badly. Sesshomaru-sama stormed a castle yesterday just so that you could visit him. We’re here, Kagome-sama. We’ve got you.”
Kagome laughed, a watery sound. “Do you think the original occupants will come back?”
“Probably,” Rin answered, climbing under the covers. “With priests and sutras and things. But Sesshomaru-sama can handle that.”
Rolling onto her back, Kagome reminded her, “He’s not immune to purification.”
Flippantly, Rin replied, “Well, in that case, he probably doesn’t want a castle that bad, anyway.”
Tiny sleep paralysis yokai slithered into view, creeping along the walls and ceiling. They clutched chains which clattered softly against the wooden frames.
“Not necessary!” Kagome squealed.
Bowing ever so slightly, they slithered backward into the shadows, vanishing as if they had never been there at all.
Even when he was being nice, Sesshomaru was creepy! Kagome had to remind herself that Rin didn’t have so many negative associations with the yokai Sesshomaru employed. Jaken probably wasn’t the only instance of someone who was a menace to Kagome but a friend to Rin. “You sure you wouldn’t rather sneak off to Big Brother’s room?”
“This trip is for you,” Rin reiterated. “So you don’t have to be alone in the quiet with your fears. I wouldn’t leave you. Besides, Sesshomaru-sama took over this castle yesterday. I don’t know where his bedroom is.”