Chapter Text
The water was so cold it stole the last of my breath. My hands desperately writhed and contorted, trying to free themselves. I was already weary from the cumbersome sack tied tightly around my neck; the woven material inside placed over my face made it nearly impossible to breathe and even harder to focus. I began sputtering and gasping for breath, choking on water and my own fear.
Anything but this. After everything I'd done, maybe it was what I deserved, but what about Fanli? He'd be disappointed, perhaps even devastated.
Where was Fanli? Had I been betrayed? Was this his doing?
No. Now I knew what he was trying to warn me about. How the king knew I'd be on the riverbanks, I don't know; but it didn't matter; I was going to drown here.
Maybe Fanli will save me. Or maybe this was a fitting end for me--the girl who betrayed the king of a nation, who would have toppled mountains in her name. Doing everything in her power to be with another man that was not hers to claim.
It wasn't meant to be. As I took one last trembling breath, I prepared myself for my vision to go black and nearly passed out from the sheer terror of drowning. No, that wasn't it. It was the fact that I never got to see Fanli again. I'll never see him again.
The thought echoed through me, tears prickling behind my eyes as my breath finally gave way to the endless river current. Small bubbles pushed past my lips as I uttered my last sigh.
I could be drowned, burned, or buried, and I wouldn't mind, so long as I got to feel his smooth face against my palm one last time...
The river faded into obscurity as I pictured Fanli, in one last moment:
In my memories, he wasn't smiling, but instead, scolding me for so openly wearing my emotions. He wore an elegant robe, having gone to meet with king Goujin that morning, and his hair was tied up in his signature style. He thwacked a fan against his hand in emphasis, stating that he could read me better than any scroll on his desk if I didn't learn to mask my feelings.
Little did Fanli know, I'd let him read me.
I wanted nothing more for him to see me and my intentions laid bare.
"I wish I had more time with you."