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“And that’s why you should always keep a close eye on Red Rangers, or anyone named Tommy Oliver,” Kimberly finished with a dramatic flair.
Kira snorted. “How many Zords has he blown up?” she asked.
“I don’t even count anymore,” Kim said. “It’s a Red Ranger thing - most of them don’t know when it’s time to make a strategic retreat, and then Zords blow up. I mean, usually the tech is around to help, or you go on some sort of wacky quest in a desert to find new powers, but still!”
“Not all Reds are like that!” one of the many Rangers called. Kira was having trouble keeping track. At least everyone at the reunion was color coded so she could figure out what color they were, even if she didn’t know their names or what team they were on.
“Okay, fine,” Kim agreed. “Then there are the Rookies, but they’re also likely to blow stuff up. Or the Reds that need to be put on a leash because they’re always running off to deal with their own issues or problem of the week.”
There was a snort from behind her, and Ashley had joined them. At least Kira could recognize her - she did know most of the public identity Rangers, and she’d been threatened with a quiz later on the names and teams of all the Yellow Rangers. “Are you specifically talking about Andros there, or did you have someone else in mind?”
“Not just Andros,” Kim assured her. “Jason did the same thing whenever someone said Goldar.”
“Hey!” a few voices called, and Kira realized that they had gotten a fairly big audience.
“You should make a list of things to know when you become a Ranger,” she said suddenly. “I mean, there’s nearly a dozen teams now - between all of us I’m sure we could come up with a guide for the new teams.”
Kim laughed. “Sure!” she said. “Let’s see... chapter one - what sort of Red Ranger do you have? Take a quiz and find the appropriate coping mechanisms.”
“Chapter two, whatever you do, don’t piss off your tech or we won’t give you any new toys,” Hayley called from her seat where she was curled up with a bunch of Blue Rangers and techs.
“And don’t piss off a yellow!” Aisha shouted, which got groans from some people and cheers from others.
*
“What’s this?” Emily asked curiously, as she poked at the package that had shown up the day after the Samurai team had assembled at the Shiba house.
Jayden ripped off the packaging. “So You Want to Be a Power Ranger?” he read. He opened to the table of contents. “Knowing your Red Ranger,” he said slowly.
“We already know you, Jayden,” Emily assured him, and he managed to smile at her.
“What else is in there?” Mia asked.
Jayden took a look. “Something about being scared of Yellow Rangers.”
Mike snorted. “They haven’t met Emily, yet. She’s too sweet to be scary.”
“Thanks, Mike!” Emily said brightly.
“Tommy Oliver’s guide to surviving being a Power Ranger with your sanity intact, that could be useful.” Jayden started to flip to that chapter, when the next one caught his eye. “Or maybe not.”
Mike pulled the book out of his hands. “Times to listen to your mentor, and times to ignore him. That could be useful.”
“Give me that,” Mentor Ji said, reaching for the book, but Mike kept reading.
“Impractical uniform choices,” he said. “Man, whoever wrote this is great.” He flipped to the page. “One of the other teams had capes? Nice.”
“Give me the book, Mike!” Kevin said.
Mike flipped to another page. “You shouldn’t argue with me, Kevin! The book says that if you do, it will only end with you going evil and getting glowy eyes.”
“I would never go evil,” Kevin protested.
“That’s what you say now,” Mike said.
“Mike,” Jayden said firmly. Mike hesitated, but handed over the book.
Jayden glanced over the title list, and stopped when he saw a chapter about how your teammates could understand your pain. He wasn’t sure about that one. It wasn’t something he could share with his new team anyway.
“Jayden?” Mia asked in concern.
“I was just amused by a chapter on Ninja Turtles,” he said finally.
“Cool!” Mike said. “We’ll have to read that later.”
“Of course,” Jayden said. “But for now, we have to train.”
He closed the book and put it on the shelf.
*
The war was over. It had been over for a few days, and Jayden had been spending his time relaxing with Ji, and trying to deal with how his team had scattered across the globe.
“Hey,” Lauren called. “I’m back.”
He lit up when he saw his sister. “Welcome back,” he said.
“Sorry I couldn’t stay before,” she told him, as she dropped the rest of her luggage. “I am really bad at goodbyes, and I needed to go pack up my apartment anyway so I could move back here.”
“It’s cool,” Jayden said. “Ji’s been teaching me to play the guitar while you were gone - something about how I needed to learn to relax and accept that the war is over. But he’s also been reading the chapters on Power Addiction and surviving a post-Ranger life.”
“Chapters?” Lauren asked.
Jayden passed her the book. “We got this the day after the team formed,” he said. “Fifty-nine chapters of advice. I think that the older teams of Rangers sent it.”
Lauren flipped through the table of contents. “Wow, this is pretty useful,” she said. “But I think we could add a few chapters of our own.”
*
So You Want to Be a Power Ranger?
Table of Contents
CHAPTER TWO: DON'T PISS OFF YOUR TECH.
CHAPTER THREE: WHY YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF THE YELLOW RANGERS
CHAPTER FOUR: YOU'RE ALL IMPORTANT, STOP THINKING YOU'RE NOT
CHAPTER FIVE: HOW TO AVOID THE POWER SCREWING UP YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
CHAPTER SIX: ANGST, AND HOW TO DEAL WITH ANGSTING TEAMMATES
CHAPTER SEVEN: CLONES, SPELLS AND ROBOTS - TOMMY OLIVER'S GUIDE TO MAKING IT THROUGH WITH YOUR SANITY INTACT
CHAPTER EIGHT: DON'T READ THAT PREVIOUS CHAPTER, TOMMY'S NUTS
CHAPTER NINE: HOW TO GET YOUR DOCTORATE IN LIKE, SIX YEARS
CHAPTER TEN: YOUR MENTOR AND YOU: TIMES TO LISTEN, AND TIMES TO IGNORE THEM
CHAPTER ELEVEN: SURVIVING A DAY IN A TEAMMATE'S BODY
CHAPTER TWELVE: WHAT TO DO WHEN THE VILLAIN TURNS OUT TO BE YOUR LONG LOST SIBLING
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: REFORMED VILLAINS, AND WHERE THEY FIT ON THE HIERARCHY
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: COMMUNITY RELATIONS, AND HOW TO APOLOGIZE AFTER BLOWING UP THE CITY FOR THE TWELFTH TIME
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: SECRET IDENTITIES AND YOU
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: NONE OF YOU WILL EVER OUT-EMO ANDROS, SO DON'T EVEN TRY
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: SURVIVING YOUR SHOPPING DAY WITH KIMBERLY HART
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: BEING THE ONLY GIRL ON THE TEAM: HOW TO COPE WITH ALL THAT TESTOSTERONE
CHAPTER NINETEEN: ON IMPRACTICAL UNIFORM CHOICES
CHAPTER TWENTY: SIXTH RANGERS. THE CARE AND FEEDING OF.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: SO YOUR RED RANGER RAN OFF? A LIST OF COMMON PLACES TO FIND THEM
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: SPECIAL POWERS VS MARTIAL ARTS. THE DEBATE CONTINUES
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: BATTLIZERS - WHY AND WHO DESIGNS THESE PIECES OF SHIT
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: IF ONE OF YOUR TEAMMATES IS A LITTLE WEIRD, THEY WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE AT LEAST ONCE, SO STOP MOCKING THEM
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: POWER ADDICTION
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: TEAMUPS, AND HOW TO SURVIVE THEM
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: YES, THERE'S A REASON YOU HAVE 18 YELLOW BRAS
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: CIVILIAN SUPPORT, OR YOUR BOSS IS NOT AS DUMB AS YOU THINK
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: EVIL VILLAINS WILL, IN FACT, DO EVIL THINGS.
CHAPTER THIRTY: LAWFUL STUPID IS STILL STUPID
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: RED RANGERS AND SPEECHES
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: GETTING INTO A FIGHT WITH A FELLOW RANGER WILL ONLY LEAD TO EVIL SPELLS AND GLOWING EYES
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: SCIENCE AND YOU: RULES DO NOT APPLY
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: ROOKIE REDS: MENACE OR GENIUS?
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: ON PLANS AND COMMUNICATION THEREOF
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: SPACE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN: CAPES, YAY OR NAY?
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT: KNOW YOUR LOCAL GEOGRAPHY: QUARRIES AND YOU
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE: FACE YOUR FEARS, OR YOUR ENEMIES WILL MAKE YOU DO IT ANYWAY
CHAPTER FORTY: ALTERNATE REALITIES: HOW TO FACE ACCIDENTALLY ENDING THE WORLD
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE: UNEXPECTED CROSSOVERS: WHAT TO DO WITH A WALKING AND TALKING TURTLE
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO: EVIL TWINS AND HOW TO FIGHT YOURSELF
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE: NO, REALLY, SOMEBODY UNDERSTANDS YOUR PAIN. WE PROMISE.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR: AMNESIA, MEMORY LOSS, AND BRAINWASHING: PROBLEMS OF THE MIND
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE: SAVING THE HOLIDAYS AGAIN
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX: IF A NEED FOR A TOMMY ARISES, TOMMY WILL BE THE TOMMY
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN: THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF INTELLIGENCE, JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN'T BILLY, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE NOT SMART
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT: DID YOU REALLY JUST TRUST THE BAD GUYS IN A BARGAIN? REALLY?
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE: SURVIVING A POST-RANGER LIFE. WHY USING A BROKEN MORPHER IS A BAD IDEA
CHAPTER FIFTY: NO, REALLY, WE FUCKING MEAN IT. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD IDEA, DUDES.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE: INAPPROPRIATELY YOUNG FRIENDS: THEY WILL BE KIDNAPPED REPEATEDLY
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO: YOUR INAPPROPRIATELY YOUNG FRIENDS ARE PROBABLY SMARTER THAN YOU
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE: DATING YOUR TEAMMATES, WHY OR WHY NOT?
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR: NEW STUDENTS, AND HOW THEY WILL SOON BE YOUR TEAMMATES
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE: THOSE TWO GUYS WHO KEEP TRYING TO FIND OUT YOUR IDENTITIES WILL SAVE THE DAY IN THE END
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX: NINJA SCHOOLS: NOT AS SECRET AS YOU THINK THEY ARE
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN: TIME PARADOXES. EVERYTHING YOU DO NOW IS RUINING SOMETHING IN THE FUTURE.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT: ROBOT BUDDIES. WHY YOU SHOULDN’T ABUSE THEM.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE: POWER QUESTS: FISHING AND HIKING AND OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO WHILE SEARCHING FOR NEW POWERS
CHAPTER SIXTY: LONG LOST RELATIVES: ARE YOU SURE YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR FAMILY?
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE: STALKER VILLAINS: SOMETIMES, YOU JUST NEED TO DUEL THEM
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO: AROUND THE WORLD TRIPS: THE BEST WAY TO CELEBRATE DEFEATING A GREAT EVIL