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“Today’s activity is going to involve your inner child!” Charlie explains, “Last week we were talking about age regression. So, today, I want you to think about your child self. What kind of person were they, and what things did they need? Please remember to be gentle with yourself.”
Adam blinks and looks around as the others get started. He stares down at his own blank paper. The glittery purple pen in his hand—a guilty pleasure of his—suddenly feels very heavy. He starts to write something, then scribbles it out, then tries again, and then huffs dramatically.
Vaggie scowls at him. “Are you seriously trying to get out of another activity?”
“It’s not that I don’t wanna participate!” Adam argues. “I was created as a full grown man. I’ve never been a child. What the hell am I supposed to write?”
“Oh! I’m so sorry Adam, I completely forgot!” Charlie apologizes, then pauses to think for a second. “I know you don’t like talking about Eden, but maybe you can write about the first couple months?”
“I guess? But by then the angels were already assigning me tasks and shit.”
Husk stares at him incredulously; somehow Adam always pulls emotions out of him. “A couple months and they put you to work?”
“Well, I was created to take care of the garden and name shit. So yeah, they told me my name, that I was the first man, and gave me shit to do. I wouldn’t call that much of a childhood.” Adam shrugs.
The others stare at him in pure disbelief. He isn’t sure what he said wrong.
“Shit, toots. The angels really fucked up, huh?” Angel jokes.
Lucifer sighs. “We really did.”
“Wha-uh-no offense, short king.”
“No, Angel. You’re right. I definitely think we could’ve done better by the first humans.” Lucifer says solemnly.
Adam snaps at him. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?!”
“I just think—and no offense! Okay? I think both you and Lilith would’ve turned out better if we had..nurtured you a little bit more.”
“Excuse me?” Adam growls.
“Like you said, you were only a few hours old. You didn’t know who or what you were. You didn’t know what was happening, where you were, or what it all meant. That must’ve been really scary, or at least confusing.” Lucifer says.
The entire room goes quiet as he continues. Even Alastor listens respectfully, if only to gather more information.
“Adam, you were the first. You had no role models for what a person, especially a human, was supposed to be. At least when Lilith was created she had you to turn to while she adjusted. But you were just all alone in the garden for four decades. We never tried to talk to you or help you. Sure, we watched you, but everyone acted like you were some experiment instead of a living thing.”
There are a few murmurs—four decades? For someone brand new to be left alone, especially that long? It was unheard of. Slowly, their gazes were turned on Adam, and they were filled with pity.
“You had no one to tell you or set examples on how you were supposed to be. I watched you feel things for the very first time; happiness, anger, fear, sadness; but we only ever watched. I think that..” Lucifer sighs and looks away. “I think that if we comforted you when you got scared during storms, or taught you how to take care of yourself, or even fucking held you just once, you would’ve been more adjusted..”
Charlie is crying, because of course she is. Vaggie is rubbing her back while fighting complicated emotions of her own. Adam himself has been silent this whole time, staring in shock at Lucifer.
“I think having Charlie made me realize just how much we failed you and Lilith and even Eve. At the end of the day, Adam, you were neglected and abandoned. Then when we created the girls you were parentified, and…I guess what I’m trying to say is: we really fucked up.” Lucifer finishes lamely, suddenly realizing that he might’ve said too much.
“I..what the fuck do you expect me to say to that? You think I have mommy and daddy issues even though I don’t have any fucking parents?” Adam asks bitterly.
“I think the absence can be just as bad as actual abuse. Adam, I’m so sorry all that happened to you.” The princess says.
“The fuck do you mean? I turned out fucking awesome!” There are a few disbelieving looks around the room.
“You really think that? Or are you trynna convince yourself?” Husk challenges. Adam shrinks under his gaze, but he can’t bring himself to argue any more.
Charlie places a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him. “Adam, I think the next part of your treatment plan is going to focus on this. Your inner child needs to exist before it can heal.”
Adam shrugs her off. “I’m going to my room.”
“Okay..maybe you should try to write about this? Just process a bit before our session today.” She suggests.
Adam mumbles an affirmative. He can feel all eyes on him as he trudges upstairs.
He decides to take Charlie’s advice and sit down with his newest journal and his pack of glitter pens.
What kind of person would he be if he had been created as a child? What would that child be like? If the angels had taken the time to care for him, would he have turned out better? Sera sometimes feels like a mother to him, but he would never say that to her. He starts writing, scribbling every thought down.
Is Sera the type of mother he would’ve wanted? No. She’s overbearing and can be mean. But then, what kind of mother would he want?
He starts a list of traits he’d like in a mother. Someone patient, and understanding. Like, she can tell when he’s being a genuine asshole and when he’s trying to hide. Someone who was kind, gentle, and who believed in him even when he fucked up. His mother would be a person who wasn’t soft on him, but also wasn’t so cruel. She knew he could be better, and would push him in the right direction.
She would be..fuck. He just described Charlie, didn’t he?
The embarrassment stings and he goes to rip the page out, but then he hears her voice. That gentle voice urging him to be honest with himself, and not hide from the hard feelings. A deep breath, and he’s back to writing.
Yes, Charlie is exactly the type of mother he’d want if he was a child. She’d understand he wasn’t a bad kid..or, he didn’t try to be. To be honest, it’s not even that strange to feel that way. She would be a wonderful mother.
But, on the other hand, she’s only two-hundred years old. He’s thousands of years her senior. He basically grew up with her dad. That’s so weird! But is it? Now he can’t tell if he’s being overly critical or if this is actually freaky. Maybe a bit of both? Would it be weird to bring it up in their one-on-one session?
A knock at his door cuts off any thoughts. He opens it to reveal Charlie with her little clipboard, grinning up at him. She’s also carrying a gold and white case of some kind. He opens the door wider to let her in, and they both sit down on his bed.
By this point these little therapy sessions are routine. At the start he would put up a huge fuss because /I’m fucking Adam and I don’t need therapy/. Now, he kind of looks forward to them.
“So, did you put some thought into what happened today?” She asks.
Adam nods. “Yeah, I-I thought about it.” He fidgets with the journal in his hands, debating showing her.
Charlie looks between him and his journal, reading him perfectly. “Adam, could I read what you wrote today?” He just shoves the book at her, unable to look up. The embarrassment is back, but at least he doesn’t have to talk about it.
She flips to the page where his pen is wedged. It’s quiet for a bit, before her face breaks out into a huge grin. “This is..wow, thank you, Adam.”
“What?” He asks in surprise.
“I didn’t know that you thought at this of me. I’m so glad that I could be a safe space for you.”
His face burns, but his chest gets all fuzzy at her happiness.
“I actually have something for you. I know you weren’t that receptive to the age regression idea, but I think you could find it really healing.” Charlie says as she sets the case down on the bed. She opens it to reveal gold and white little gear.
There’s diapers, an adult pacifier, a bottle and a sippy cup, children’s books, coloring books and crayons, and a few kiddie outfits in his size. The embarrassment comes back full force just looking at it all.
Charlie quickly says, “You don’t have to use anything you don’t want to. In fact, you don’t have to use any of it. I just think you could benefit from that sort of thing.”
Adam can’t answer, he’s too horrified at the thought. The shame is palpable. Charlie grabs his hand and squeezes.
“Adam. You deserve to have a childhood. If this turns out to be helpful, and you want someone to take care of you, I’ll gladly do it. I’m here to support you.” She smiles at him, so softly. He squeezes her hand back and nods.
“Okay..”
Her smile lights up the entire room.
They talk for a bit longer, and after she leaves Adam is still thinking. It can’t be bad to try, can it? Charlie thinks it could help, and maybe it can. He trusts her.
He picks up the pacifier. It's white with golden beads on the ring, spelling out 'Prince'. Adam feels flustered just looking at it.
But..but he wants to make Charlie proud.
Ain't that a revelation? He wants to make the woman he tried to kill, the daughter of the two people he hates most, proud.
Adam feels eyes on him as he raises the pacifier to his mouth, as if all of hell is watching him.
It feels almost obscene to actually suck on the damn thing. That fuzzy feelings hits him like a suckerpunch. He immediately falls back, as if his head is suddenly too heavy. When he tries to sit up again, he falls right back down. He's bumbling like a..a baby.
The thought is so terrifying that Adam starts crying. It starts as stray tears, but as he fails to sit up, his desperation grows. He starts to wail like a fucking infant.
He's so scared of this feeling, completely terrified of how helpless he is. The fuzziness gets worse and it's so scary!
He's so so scared and he's so fuzzy and—Charlie!
Charlie is standing over him, hugging him. She helps him sit up and rocks him. Shushes and coos reach his ears as she consoles him.
It takes a bit, but eventually he calms down enough to actually hear her.
"It's okay, honey, you're okay. Cmon, just breathe. My little prince." Now that does things to him. He whines softly at the name, getting even more flustered as she giggles.
"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know you would be so small." Charlie says apologetically. More tears spill from his eyes at the pure humiliation of it all, but he can only whine in despair and hide his face in her shirt.
"Don't be embarrassed. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
What is she talking about!? This entire situation is so humiliating! He's a man! He shouldn't be acting like a sniveling child!
His distress translates into whimpers and more tears. He really can't speak like this.
“This is perfectly natural, Addie. You’re regressed, and that’s okay. Let go of any embarrassment and just feel it. Doesn’t it feel good?”
Feel good? How would this feel good?
He..he supposes the fuzziness isn’t so bad. Neither is the warmth. Charlie petting him, rocking him, and praising him; that’s all awesome.
“This is what it’s like to be a child. You deserve to experience it. You deserve to be taken care of for once. Just let me do this for you.” She speaks softly, gently.
She’s so gentle.
“Mm..mma-ma..” Where did that come from!? It’s like he couldn’t control himself. A wave of shame threatens to drown him, but Charlie beams.
“That’s right.” She says. “I’ll be your mama, little prince.”
That brings a fresh wave of tears streaming down his face again. But Charlie understands. She always understands. He buries his face in her neck and breathes her in.
Mama..his mama smells like oranges, like Eden. The realization makes him bolder. He clumsily crawls onto her lap, but she just giggles instead of getting mad, instead of-
“Excitable, aren’t we?” Mama teases. “We should get you changed.”
Adam doesn’t even register her words, he just runs his clumsy fingers through her hair. She giggles more and lays him down. He’s tearing up at the perceived abandonment, but then a baby rattle—decorated with blue sheep—is thrust into his vision.
He gasps softly and takes it. He giggles excitedly as he shakes it, listening to the beautiful music it makes. Mama uses the distraction to get him out of his clothes. Adam only zones back in when his underwear is tugged on.
Charlie freezes when Adam looks down. She’s prepared to calm another tantrum.
“Mama..?” Adam says. Charlie swallows down the fifteenth squeal of the day.
“I just wanna get a nappy on you, baby. You’re really little.” She explains.
“No baby.” He pouts from behind his paci.
“Sure, honey. But still, I don’t want my prince to have any accidents.” Adam looks greatly embarrassed at the thought. He huffs, but goes back to listening to his rattle.
Oh thank Satan.
Charlie tries her best to be quick. Once the diaper is secured on Adam, she chooses a fluffy onesie for him. This one has sheep ears, a tail, and optional hoof-like mittens. Adam cooperates more than she expected him to—granted, he is distracted.
He seems mesmerized by the rattle. He shakes it then stops, just to listen to the beads settle again.
"Addie?" Charlie pitches her voice to grab his attention. He blinks at her. "You wanna see Husky?" Adam lights up upon hearing the bartender's name.
No one expected the one person Adam latched onto to be Husk. Apparently he's, quote, "The only person in this place will the balls to say it like it is." Honesty and transparency are obviously traits the first man values.
It's shown in how he giggles and squirms.
Charlie packs up his case, and summons an ounce of her demonic strength. Adam shrieks when she picks him up, with one arm at that. His eyes bulge out of his skull.
Her heart aches. "Has no one picked you up before, little prince?" The way he looks at her answers her question.
She sighs and carries him out of his room. There's a beat, and a bracing for a tantrum, but it doesn't come. A look shows that Adam has been distracted by his rattle again.
Charlie chuckles and shakes her head. She heads downstairs, and then towards the bar. Only Angel and Husk are around; thankfully the two people that Adam actually likes.
The two men stare at them, their conversation dying instantly.
Charlie shuffles, opens her mouth, then closes it. Instead, she directs her energy towards making the area baby friendly. Mainly switching out one of the barstools for an Adam-sized high-chair.
He settles in easily, and it gives Angel and Husk enough time to process.
Angel squints at Adam. "Prince..?"
Adam looks over at him, a soft blush overtaking his face. It seems his situation is sinking in.
"Hey now, I don't want babies by the bar." Husk says, half-joking. Unfortunately, Adam takes it differently, and bursts into tears.
"Woah!" Angel shouts.
"Oh honey.." Charlie hugs Adam. "Baby, Husk wasn't being mean."
"W-weave!" Is all Adam says before dissolving into hiccups.
Husk looks between them, then it clicks.
"Bud, cmon now, I didn't mean it like that. No one is leaving you." He says softly.
Adam stares at him, his teary eyes asking so many questions. Really? How do you know? Everyone else did, didn't they?
"Please, you ain't gettin rid of us, little man." Husk says. A smirk grows on his face. "Besides, I don't wanna leave anyway. I like it here with you."
That means more than any of them know.
Adam lights up, leaning away from Charlie and towards Husk. The cat-hybrid ruffles his hair. The first man seems confused by the action, making a small noise.
"He's actin' like no one's ever done that before." Angel jokes.
"No one ever has. He's never been carried, or rocked, or truly held." Charlie says, blinking away tears. "I can't believe Heaven would deny him a childhood."
Husk shrugs, polishing a glass. "I can believe it. From what he's said, Heaven is kinda..not good." He stops himself from cursing.
Adam looks between the three of them, trying to decipher what they're talking about. He whines when they talk over him.
His pacifier drops onto the counter, and he mumbles, "Mama.."
Charlie smiles softly at him. "Sorry, little prince. We were just having some adult talk. Pretty boring, huh?"
Adam whines again, pouting at her. Angel coos while the other two smile in amusement.
"Cmon toots, don'tcha got any games in that case?"
Charlie lifts up the gold and white case. "Oh! I forgot!" She quickly opens it up and pulls out a coloring book and some crayons.
"Here we go! Do you wanna color, Addie?"
Adam blinks at her, his thumb in his mouth. Charlie huffs and replaces it with his pacifier.
Once again there's a pause, awaiting retaliation, but Adam doesn't start throwing a tantrum. Instead, he grabs at the crayons. Charlie grins as she helps him open them and find a page.
Adam gets to work scribbling on every page in front of him. This gives the adults room to chat. None of them are comfortable drinking around a little, so Husk just pours out some orange juice. He even adds some to a sippy cup for Adam.
It's amazing how peaceful things are for once.
Charlie loves her father, but he can be bumbling sometimes. Like now, when he bursts into the room, shouting-
"Heeeyyyy bitches!"
Adam jumps at the loud yelling, and freaks out upon seeing Lucifer. He bursts into tears, squirming in his chair.
Charlie has theorized that Adam is scared of her father, but this basically acts as confirmation. She wraps her arms around Adam and picks him up. Lucifer stares in shock as his daughter rocks the first man.
"Ya gotta lower your voice, short king." Angel says.
"And watch your language. We got a baby around." Husk adds.
"A..baby?" Lucifer squints. Yeah, Adam is dressed as a baby right now. Plus he's always acting like a baby.
But right now, it seems he's acting like more of a baby.
"Adam is regressed, Dad. Remember? I talked about it?" Charlie all but pleads with him. Lucifer can't take those eyes.
"Oh! Right! Of course!" Lucifer says, maybe too loudly, because Adam turns to tears again. "Oops.."
The cries pierce his soul. All he can hear is his CharChar, back when she was still so attached to him. There was always one full-proof way to calm her down.
Adam flinches upon seeing him get close. Those big eyes stare him down anxiously as he reaches into his pocket..and pulls out a rubber duck.
"I present! The fantastical magic back-flipping rubber duck!" Lucifer announces. On cue, the duck does a lackluster backflip.
Adam leans in, cooing at the duck. It does another backflip. Adam shrieks; everyone around him jumps, only to calm down when he starts giggling. He grabs at Lucifer, pulling him and the duck closer.
"Aww, you like rubber ducks, little prince?" Charlie asks.
"Ducky, mama!" Adam says.
"Mama?" Lucifer asks incredulously. His little Charlie is too—well—little to be a mom!
Adam looks a little embarrassed, but Charlie just bounces him.
"He's my little prince. That's all." She says simply.
Husk leans over to put Adam's pacifier back into his mouth again. Lucifer leans in to read it.
"You're a prince now, huh?" He says. He half expects Adam to go on a narcissistic rant, but he just blushes and looks away. Lucifer has to bite his lip to keep from squealing.
"He is." Angel says. "Prince of the cutie-pies."
Adam whines, blushing more. He squirms in Charlie's grasp and this prompts her to finally set him back in his chair.
He quickly forgets everything that happened and goes back to coloring.
"Huh...I forgot how easily distracted babies are. You were the exact same way, CharChar." Lucifer says.
Charlie blushes and rolls her eyes. "Dad.."
"What? It's true. He's almost as adorable as you were."
Charlie smiles and rolls her eyes. "I'm just glad he gets to actually be a kid for once.."
"Yeah.." Lucifer watches Adam sloppily color, giggling and cooing. He looks happy. "I'm glad too."