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The thing is I can’t sleep. Always been able to sleep, me. Through the worst times, especially.
I shouldn’t be crawling through the window, shouldn’t be slithering among the stacks, but it smells like you here. You’re in all the dark corners, even though you’re long gone. There are still pieces of you if I search, but it’s getting harder to find you every time.
Between the lines I tried to tell you I’d be fine. I didn’t expect to be wrong. Thought I could go without you. After all, I’ve done it before.
What would happen if I moved the rug, put batteries in the candles I bought you? Who would come? Would it be him, or would it be you?
I went to Paris and the park; I tried to see you in all the places we used to go, but you’re not there anymore.
Couldn’t take another night alone, so I went to the pub. Imagined you there, too. Almost thought I saw your reflection in the window.
Some humans say when they drink the room spins. When I get drunk I see you circling around me, holding my hand. You’re smiling, because you don’t know it’s our last dance.
It’s not your voice calling my name. I know that. No one else is here. But I pretend that at last I’m found.
I had nowhere left to go, so I came here, like I always do.
Obviously it’s not you. You’re a haze, out of phase, like you don’t have a body.
It’s not you, is it?
My lying eyes are tempting me with delusions.
I know it’s not you, but stay with me?
Heaven is hollow.
Even from here, I hear your footsteps on the bookshop floor. Your hips give you a rhythm of your own.
When you talk to me, Lord help me, I can hear you. Your voice tunnels into my ear even if I’m in a meeting, begging me to come back. It calls to me, a siren song.
There’s only silence without you, and I can hardly stand it.
If I’m alone, there’s no sound at all when you’re not talking to me, and I am so often alone.
Sometimes I hum a tune to myself. Without my corporation I even miss the sound of my blood flowing in my ears.
Maybe I can inhabit yours.
You’re loudest when you drink, you know. Unfiltered, you tell me everything.
Sometimes I can’t stay away. I have to see you.
The sound of your footsteps on the floor, retracing the steps of that dance, lets me pretend we’re standing arm in arm.
A temporary dream, until tonight. You’re in a back corner where I’ve hidden a book you gave me, one I’ve read countless times.
How long has it been for you down here? I don’t know, but our time has come. I need you.
I need to know if you can take me.
Crowley.
I call your name, but you don’t believe it’s me.
One more dance, darling. Let me touch your hand. Is there room inside you for me?
Stay with me, you say. Well, there’s nowhere left to go.
Will you let your hand be my hand? I borrowed it once before. Will you let me burrow inside you? Budge over, love. Together, at last.
We’re stronger this way, and that scares them.
We don’t even explode. Our heart is beating, and now you know every secret.
I can’t hide how much I love you.
We have a world to save.
Oh, it’s really you, angel. Of course I’ll give you a ride. Anywhere you want to go. What’s mine is yours.
I’m so happy, and I’m never letting you go, no matter what happens.
Our eyes are full of tears. Are you doing that, or am I? Will they stop, angel? Will they ever stop?
Yes, my darling. No more tears.
We can do anything together.
Circle round, love. One last dance before we go.