Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In Platinum Jail, every day is the same. Well, at least for us.

So, the rare times that something is different, it's difficult for me to even remember what day it happened on. I'm not even sure if these memories I have now are my first set of memories, or if I had memories before I woke up in Oval Tower. The way I remember things… well, I don't know if all the deviations just flow together into one day due to how the information is saved, or if every one I might think happened on the same day did in fact happen on the same day or different days. My only clues are the timestamps, without them, it becomes difficult to differentiate between each day. But, sometimes, I feel like they are wrong, mixed up somehow. In those cases, I think ‘that can't be, that must've been before that’, or ‘no, that was way later, it has to have been’.

I'm not sure if this is normal, none of my siblings ever talks about it, and my system doesn't give me any error messages. Really, I should tell the humans that take care of us, but-

Whenever a sibling said ‘something is wrong, but my system can't tell me what it is’ to one of the humans taking care of us, that was the last time I have seen that sibling.

I was called in for a check up. Apparently, I was randomly chosen, pretty much just tapped on the shoulder as I walked past. I was set into maintenance mode, not sure which one, and now I'm in the room where system and hardware checkups and repairs are performed. I had to do a few tests, answer a few questions, have my system checked- it was all just the regular testing. But then, I was told to sit completely still, and another human working in Oval Tower is walking into the room now. This human is quite old, but his wrinkled hands are steady as he takes off my mask. He lays it down on the table, and now picks up some device.

"What is that?"

"It's a device that lets me permanently paint on your face, to put it simply. This might hurt a little." He holds it to my face, I feel a tickle and a prick, then some more pricking and soon, the same procedure on another part of my skin. Now that I think about it, I think this human has worked on me when I malfunctioned before, or, maybe this is the first time I met him. "There you go."

The old human hands me a mirror, I take it and look into it. There are now two dots on my chin. "What is this?"

"They're moles." The human who painted them says.

"But what are they for?"

"For now, they are just to test your line's reaction to physical differences from each other. To see if you can still recognise each other's faces correctly, among other things."

"Why? We all look the same, why change one of us?"

"For your… purpose, your line eventually needs to look more, well, individual."

"Individual?"

"You ask a lot of questions, R-2E-054." The human looks at me with a kind smile. I recognise that expression easily, even though I rarely see it directed at me. "It means that you and your current siblings - and eventually your future siblings - will one day need to look vastly different from each other."

"What for? I know what we are made for, but how will that help us protect Master or make humans in Platinum Jail happy with our singing?"

"Because humans all look and act different from each other. And you're supposed to blend in with them. To be indistinguishable from a human."

I make my way back to two of my siblings, R-2E-053 and R-2E-055, the ones I always patrol with, because we woke up the same day. Speaking of, it's almost time for us to go on patrol, to make sure everyone is happy and safe. The eyes of my siblings's masks land on me, their faces underneath are probably mimicking... I think it's, um, anger, judging by their posture.

"Where's your mask? And what's wrong with your face, R-2E-054?"

"Yeah, what's up with that? Put your mask on!"

"Huh? Oh! It's a mole! No, two moles!" I point at the dots happily. "A human painted them on me, for… super important research reasons!" I'm striking a pose!

My brothers turn to me, and I think, under their masks, they probably look at me with disgust.

"Since when is this faulty brother important for anything, let alone research?"

"Exactly! You can't even follow Master's voice properly! How many times did we have to get you when he called us?! You really are the most useless one!"

"Yes! You have no respect for our Master! Always making him wait!"

"...I'm sorry, brothers..." Guiltily, I put my mask back on my face.

It's… not that I'm disrespectful to our Master! I could never! Literally, I physically can't. Not that I ever tried, but, I'd think I probably can't.

The problem is just that I can't hear Master's voice like my siblings do.

My siblings hear Master, no matter where he is and no matter where they are, but I just can't, most of the time, or, maybe never? It's not being recorded in my direct-commands-history, so I'm not actually sure, I can't recall those memories, if they happened at all.

This day is probably the same again, as always. I know that that isn't the case for most places, so that makes this place that Master made very special. Speaking of the same… it's almost time! My brothers are quickly seeking shelter, but I stay standing here. I look up into the night sky, the projected stars blinking above, and- yes! The clouds are forming, the first drops hit my mask and soon...

"Dosha dosha dosha!" It's pouring! "Hahaha!" Arms spread wide, I twirl around in this downpour!

"You idiot! Get over here!" R-2E-053 says, but -

I don't want to!

"I don't want to!"

Want?

"You're getting all wet!”

“Why are you like this, brother?!"

I don't know!

"I don't know!"

I really don't.

I play in the rain, ignoring my brothers' insults. Water splashes me as I jump into a puddle, and I look down. The water in the puddle is rippling, from my movement and the raindrops. I can see my mask in it, I pull it up. Now, it's my face that's wavering with the motion of the surface. I see the two moles that the kind, old human gave me. Today or some day prior, I'm not sure.

I look different from my siblings.

I don't remember for how long now.

I go still, completely.

Then, something rips me from my thoughts. It reverberates in my head - no, my whole body - so mightily, it feels like I’m shaking, and I have the urge to throw myself to the ground, though I don't understand why I would do that. All I know is that this sound, it can only be-

Master's voice.

Unlike all of my siblings, I had never heard it from this far away before...

But just now, I heard it so clearly, it has to have been Master!

In my excitement, I run up to the other's, but they seem unalarmed. "Master has called! Why are you still here? We have to go! Are you scared of the rain?"

"Huh? Brother, are you dumb?"

"Yeah, Master hasn't called us, idiot."

"...but, his voice..."

"Dumbass! You usually ignore his voice! What, do you have auditory hallucinations now?"

"Or are you trying to mess with us? Do you want to break?"

"You really must already be broken, brother!"

"...you're right, brothers, I should get checked up immediately." I pull my mask back down.

"So, you say you heard your Master's voice?"

"Yes! Loud and clear!"

"That can't be right." The younger human looks at me, as if he doesn't believe me at all! But I'm not lying! We can't lie unless we have permission, for example, when it is necessary to fulfil our orders! I know that, he must know, too! How can he think I'm lying? "Toue was at a meeting at the time it said it happened. And according to these protocols, he did not give any orders to any Android. It must be a malfunction."

"Malfunction..." So, I really am broken.

"Maybe a snippet of his voice, recorded to your drive, was sent through your sensory input due to some bug." The older human said. "Your system doesn't show any error codes, however. Not for the sensory input devices, nor the output or anything else. Everything is as it should be."

"We'll have to troubleshoot. First, let's start with its OS."

"..." I don't know why, but... something about that sounds... wrong. I don't want my OS to be changed in any way. "My OS is the latest version, is it not?"

"It is."

"Then why would you do anything to it?"

"Are you questioning us?" The younger human narrows his eyes at me.

"...I- I just asked, if- if the OS doesn't need to be updated, u- updating it would j- just cause extra w- work and trouble,  and it would t- take a while, right..?"

"It wouldn't just be updated, but reinstalled, in case the old install was faulty."

"B-but-"

"Why is it stammering like that? Is its sound driver shot? It still doesn't give any error messages over here..."

"No, I'm just- I'm… I'm nervous." Nervous? I'm in maintenance mode, how could I express nervousness? Or, anything. "I'm sorry!"

"...’sorry’?"

"I mean- I- I'm..!"

"It's broken."

I'm broken.

"Might as well dispose of it."

"Wait, we should try to fix him first."

"You think so? I wouldn't bother, it wouldn't be the first from this batch to get sorted out, and there's dozens more, waiting to be activated." 

"Sure, he's from the first batch, and others were sorted out for less, but…"

The older human looks at me, and I'm not sure what his expression means. I should know what it means, right? If… if I can express emotions despite being in maintenance mode, I should be able to read them, too, right? His expressions, his body language? I should just know. Automatically. My brain should just tell me, I shouldn't even have to think about this, right?

"I'm broken."

"See? Even it realises that." The younger human says.

"We still need permission." The older human then replies. "We can't just… dispose of company property all willy-nilly. Before that, we should thoroughly examine him."

They found out.

About the fact that I can not hear our Master's voice the same way my siblings can.

I’m useless to my Master.

I can not be fixed.

I must not have heard him after all. Because I simply can’t.

That resonance that rang through my whole body, like a shock-

It was just a bug, a glitch, a malfunction, an electrostatic discharge frying my internals beyond repair.

From the beginning, I was built like this. I was broken even before I was activated. And there is no use for me. Not for my Master, or anyone else.

Something hurts, but I can’t quite say where. It started hurting the moment I realised that.

Now, I'll be sorted out.

Discarded.

I will d-

"What use are you, brother? You're a waste of resources."

"You're worthless to our Master! What a disgrace!"

"Our Master has no use for a deaf tin can like you."

"You should get torn apart, maybe your materials are at least a little bit of value to Master."

"Pathetic! To think we are of the same line!"

"It's gross, having been called brother by you!"

"Master will scrap you! You'll be nothing but metal and wires! Maybe then, you'll finally be of use to him!"

I'm being taken to a waste facility right outside of Platinum Jail. I hadn't been outside of the tower that often, other than my patrol route, that is, and I definitely have never left Platinum Jail before. It is bright here, but not the stark white of Oval Tower's lights. And cold. It's… it's winter, and the sun is in the sky, and not a single cloud, even though it should be time for rain by now.

Platinum Jail doesn't have sunlight. It doesn't have winter. It's always nice out, unless it's time for the scheduled rain. At least, the humans in Oval Tower say that that's not nice, but, whenever I was patrolling with my brothers, and it started to rain… I liked it. I would let the rain fall down on me, and feel each individual drop in my hair and on what little skin was bare. Humans could get sick in the rain, I've been told, but I can't. I like the rain. I like feeling it, I like-

Like?

I shouldn't like, how can I like?

"Alright, then." The younger of the two humans, someone I hadn't met before we left for the waste facility however, said. This person, and the older human from earlier, walked me here. Both of them stop. "Time to turn you off so you can get scrapped later."

"...scrapped?"

"Of course."

"B- but, I thought I-" I don't know what I thought.

"You thought they'd just leave you powered on, to walk around on your own here? You really are broken beyond repair, then. It's just easier to have you walk here yourself than carry a hunk of junk all the way, that's the only reason you haven't been wiped and destroyed yet."

"...ah, of course…"

The older human turns to me. "Please, sit down."

I do, I sit down on the ground. There are a lot of discarded things all around. I'll fit right in. I'll be the same.

I already am.

"I'll clear your memory now, and then, your self-repair-system will be reversed. It will lock up your joints, short circuit your servos, fry your drive and other components, let your fluids leak out, until your whole body is irreparable and your system shuts down." A sigh. "It's easier if you close your eyes for this." He takes my mask off.

I don't want to. What will happen to me if I do?

I look at the human in front of me, I see his expression, it's stern, but… I think it's… fake.

I look at the other human, and that human's expression is different. I don't like seeing it, so I look back at the older human. And his face suddenly…

"Okay."

I close my eyes.

My eyes open. It's dark, but even colder than before, so that means I'm not in Platinum Jail again. Why are my eyes open?

"Oh, thank goodness!" The older human who checked up on me before stands in front of me. He hunches down, and I think that's relief on his face, but I'm not sure. "I'm not fully done, so you'll have to sleep again. I'm sorry. But first, how do you feel?"

Cold.

"...cold."

"Cold? Well, you have laid here for a while, even if it were warmer, you'd be cold."

A while?

"A while?"

"It only felt like a moment, right?"

My internal clock says that it's night time, but something seems wrong with my connection to Platinum Jail's network, so I can't know if the date and time is correct. But, yes, it felt like I had just closed my eyes for a moment.

The human takes his brightly coloured scarf off, and puts it around my neck. It's still cold, but... I feel oddly warm.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, go to sleep, and I'll bring you away from here."

Where to?

"Where to?"

"Home."

Oval Tower?

"Oval Tower?"

"No, you can never return there." He says, a bit sternly, but his eyes are kind. "Neither of us can return."

"..." The hurt is still there, but it got even worse somehow. This kind, old human, he can’t return anymore, either. Is this my fault? Is he being punished because he couldn't repair me, or- "I'm sorry!"

He looks at me, and on his face, I think that's sadness. "It's fine. Everything will be alright, please don't cry."

"Huh?" My vision was a bit blurry, and my face felt colder, but only on some spots. Like when it's raining, but even colder, because it's winter. "What's happening with me? I really am broken beyond repair! They're right! It’s true, Master has no use for me! And now I even made a human unhappy, too!"

I suddenly feel warmer. Oh, it's because the human has his arms around me. He pets my hair. I want to stop crying, but I can't. I've never cried before. There was never a reason for me to react like this. I'm sorry, I don't know how to stop it!

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to stop it!"

I'm scared.

I'm scared.

I'm scared?

I cling to him. My face hurts, and my fingers, too. And, this other hurt, the hurt I can't locate, and that my self-repair-system doesn't seem to notice, because it still hurts. It gets worse and worse and my face gets colder and colder. The human presses my head into him, and my fingers clutch tighter at his coat.

“I'm scared. It hurts.”

"Shh… it'll be alright. Calm down, sleep, nothing hurts when you're asleep. I'll bring you to safety, we'll be fine."

Nothing hurts when you're asleep?

I know how to sleep. I can do that.

Before I close my eyes, I look up at his kind, old face, and see the stars above us.

They are a bit more dull than the ones in Platinum Jail. 

But they're real.

Chapter Text

"...the 20th of February." Clear replies. "My eyes opened, and I saw a face, covered in wrinkles, smiling down at me with so much warmth that, even though it was cold in the room around us, I didn't even notice. He called me Clear, and I called him Grandfather, as if there was absolutely no doubt about either. This is my first memory, Aoba-san."

After we went to the aquarium, we walked to the house Clear lived in with his Grandfather first. He still goes there regularly, to make sure everything is fine. When we walked out again, he turned to me. "Aoba-san? Would it be alright if I would carry you to my Grandfather? Or do you think Tae-san will be worried why we're taking so long?"

"Clear, don't worry, I didn't tell her yet that we're on our way back. And even if, she would understand."

Now, we're here, on the hill by the shore, the furthest part of Midorijima. Together, we clean up the gravesite, light incense, then sit beside it. 

"Hello, Grandfather. Aoba-san, Ren-san and I went to the aquarium today, to celebrate my birthday. The day I met you." Clear says, his eyes shining, not just with tears threatening to form. "We got to see real jellyfish, alive, right before us, for the first time. And so many other creatures… The aquarium is in Platinum Jail. Please, don’t worry. Now, of course, I know now why you've warned me of that place. But, you know that it has changed, as well. It's… not dangerous for me to go there any longer. Even if you're… not here to take care of me anymore…"

From the corner of my eye, I see tears roll down Clear's cheeks. They drip down onto his patched-up scarf. The salty air of the seabreeze and the scent of the incense wafts around me. The wind sways the wild daffodils, blooming on this hill. I put my hands together. "Grandfather, thank you for taking care of Clear. I know there were, and are, and will be times that you might worry about your grandson, because you can't be there for him anymore the way you used to. But now, I'm taking care of Clear. And he takes care of me. And, the same goes for my Grandmother and Ren. We’re all here for each other. So, please don't worry. And, please-" I pause, suddenly choking up myself.

"Aoba-san?"

"It's…"

I put my hands down, Clear takes one in his and looks at me, with tear-wet eyelashes, and… I feel like, maybe he knows. What it is that I wanted to ask his Grandfather for. "Aoba-san, should we return now?"

"...we don't have to go back yet, if you don't want to."

"Let's stay a bit longer then, Aoba-san."

The three of us sit there, huddled together, watching the sun slowly disappear below the waves. Quietly, Clear starts to sing next to me, the wind carries his voice towards the ocean, sinking with the sun. And I… I start singing as well. I don't hit anywhere near every note, and my voice is a little shaky, but I sing. On my lap, Ren, in his deep, gentle voice, hums along.

The three of us sit there, huddled together, singing until the ocean goes dark.

I'm sorry, I don't quite have the courage yet to say it out loud, but please, give us your blessing.