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Published:
2025-03-01
Updated:
2025-09-21
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32/?
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House of the Hearth Incorrect Quotes

Summary:

House of the Hearth characters as things my family/friends and I have said. Enjoy. (Feel free to use as writing prompts :) )

Chapter 1: 1 - Bay Leaves

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Arlecchino: There are two bay leaves in this soup, so don't eat them.

Freminet: Two babies?!

Lynette: Two bay leaves, Freminet.

Freminet: Oh, phew, I thought she said there were two babies in there...

Lyney: There are two babies in here and one of them is you. *Points at Freminet.*

Notes:

Don't ask who the second baby is. He didn't think that far ahead.

Chapter 2: 2 - Brain Cells

Notes:

Courtesy of my grandmother.

Chapter Text

Arlecchino: There is exactly 1 active brain cell in this house. It floats around between us and sometimes it decides to settle down for 35 milliseconds.

Chapter 3: 3 - Cocoa Powder

Chapter Text

Lyney: I just got cocoa powder everywhere!

Lynette: There's worse things to get everywhere.

Lyney: Like cum?

Lynette:

Lyney:

Lynette: ...what?

Lyney: What were you thinking?

Lynette: Cocaine

Lyney: I FEEL LIKE THAT'S WORSE

Chapter 4: 4 - Seed Beads

Notes:

You have no idea how hard it is to clean up seed beads until you have to clean up seed beads.

Chapter Text

*Lynette points at a container of extremely tiny beads*

Lynette: Oh, look, seed beads!

Freminet: What do seed beads make?

Arlecchino: A mess.

Chapter 5: 5 - Croissant

Notes:

I don't even know if this is funny or not but fuck it

Chapter Text

Foltz: Lyney! Give me back my croutons, you... Um. You cabinet!

Lynette, no hesitation: Yeah, you refrigerator.

Lyney, eating the croutons: You croissant.

Chapter 6: 6 - My Job

Notes:

cw: self-harm mention

Chapter Text

Lynette: Oops, I accidentally cut myself

Freminet: don't cut yourself, that's my job

Chapter 7: 7 - Single-cell

Chapter Text

Freminet: ...and that's why single-cell organisms are so cool!

Lynette: Lyney's brain is a single-cell organism.

Chapter 8: 8 - Credit Card

Chapter Text

Lyney: No, don't tell Father I lost her credit card!

Lynette: Why not?

Lyney: She'll kill me!

Lynette: Yeah, I'm counting on it.

Chapter 9: 9 - Dishwasher Soap

Chapter Text

Lyney: Tada! It's dishwasher soap! For the dishwasher.

Lynette: ...As opposed to dishwasher soap for the bath?

Chapter 10: 10 - Fancier

Chapter Text

Freminet: *flips Lyney off*

Lyney: *flips Freminet off in return* My nails are painted. My "fuck you"s are fancier than yours.

Chapter 11: 11 - Watermelon

Chapter Text

Lynette, teaching a lesson on kindness: You see how they blow up buildings to destroy them? You can destroy many other things. You can blow up a relationship, you can demolish someone's self-esteem—

Freminet: You can smash a watermelon

Chapter 12: 12 - Wisdom

Chapter Text

Freminet: Penguins are like children, they fly if you throw them hard enough

Lynette: Any machine is a smoke machine if you screw up bad enough

Lyney: Everything is edible at least once

Arlecchino: You three are full of wisdom this morning.

Chapter 13: 13 - Hands

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Lyney: *after doing laundry* oh man, my hands smell like fabric softener

Freminet: yum. licks your hands

Lyney:

Freminet:

Lyney:

Freminet: ...I don't know why I said that.

Notes:

Sorry, Kato. Still no idea why my dumbass said that.

Chapter 14: 14 - Tooth Guy

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Lynette, texting: Father, when do we leave for the detint

Lynette: Dentit

Lynette: Tenist

Lynette: Tooth guy

Notes:

apparently my brother posted a screenshot of these texts on r/ihadastroke when it happened. neither of us knew it ended up with almost 500 upvotes until 9 months later (when I posted this chapter) until he was like "oh I posted that on reddit"

Chapter 15: 15 - Objectively Funny

Chapter Text

Lyney: Lynette, Freminet, I love you very much, but if either of you die in an objectively funny way I am going to laugh at you

Chapter 16: 16 - Gluttony

Notes:

Cats are really good at the seven deadly sins.

Chapter Text

Lynette: We're all going to hell.

Lyney, holding Rosseland (a fat black cat): Everyone except Rosseland :3

Lyney: Hmm, wait... I retract my statement.

Lynette: Gluttony?

Lyney: Yeah. *Sets Rosseland down* Here you go, you glutton.

Chapter 17: 17 - Shrimp Colors

Chapter Text

Freminet: Did you know mantis shrimp can see more colors than humans can?

Freminet: I am so jealous of mantis shrimp. What do you mean there's more colors and I'm not allowed to see them
>:(

Chapter 18: 18 - Chicken Library

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Lynette: *forgets the word "deli"* What did you get from the chicken library?

Notes:

"Library" implies I have to give it back… eh, no thanks

Chapter 19: 19 - Expression

Chapter Text

Lyney: *grins mischievously*

Lynette: Shut up.

Lyney: I didn't even say anything I just made an expression

Lynette: Your expression needs to shut up.

Chapter 20: 20 - Master

Chapter Text

Freminet: I have mastered kicking people in the balls

Chapter 21: 21 - Biohazard

Chapter Text

Lynette: Say that one more time, and I am going to beat your ass.

Lyney, sick and feverish: You know what? I dare you to get near me. *starts coughing*

Lynette:

Lyney: I'll just sneeze on you. I'm a walking biohazard

Chapter 22: 22 - My Bro

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Lynette, to Lyney: You're my bro. Like, literally, biologically, my bro.

Freminet: :(

Notes:

For the probably two people who are reading this and don't know Genshin lore, Lyney and Lynette are twins, but Freminet is not biologically related to them. Arlecchino, "Father", adopted them all.

Chapter 23: 23 - Unprotected Sex

Chapter Text

Arlecchino: You should never have unprotected sex, because someone could get pregnant.

Lyney: You can't get pregnant if it's gay

Chapter 24: 24 - Make Me Some Food

Chapter Text

Lyney: LYNETTE! Make me some food

Lynette: ...no

Lyney: You don't love me :(

Traveler: It's okay, Lyney, I love you

Lyney: YAY!! Now make me some food :3

Chapter 25: 25 - Socks

Chapter Text

Lyney: It's not gay if you have socks on. I could get married with socks on and it wouldn't count.

Chapter 26: 26 - Wet Fish

Chapter Text

Lynette: …so, Lyney started flailing around like a… like a wet fish.

Freminet: It's a fish. It lives underwater. I sure hope it's wet.

Chapter 27: 27 - Mind

Notes:

Another gem from my grandmother

Chapter Text

Freminet: I don't have anything on my mind because I don't have a mind

Chapter 28: 28 - Focaccia

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Lynette, texting: Focaccia is done and in the oven

Lyney: I misread that as "Freminet is done and in the oven"

Freminet: ???

Notes:

I had to pick a different kind of bread for this to work with a HOTH kid (it was originally said about my brother)

Chapter 29: 29 - Lie

Chapter Text

Foltz: How does the planetarium work if it's raining? We can't see stars if there's clouds.

Lyney: Oh, they just open the roof and let it rain on us!

Foltz: ???

Arlecchino: No, that's not what happens. We don't get rained on.

Lyney: CAN I LIE TO HIM IN PEACE???

Chapter 30: 30 - Snukfhi

Chapter Text

Arlecchino, texting: Snukfhi

Lynette: ... ?

Lyney: Rosseland, give Father back her phone

Arlecchino: I have my phone. Sorry, all me

Arlecchino: Rosseland can spell better than that

Chapter 31: 31 - Butthole

Notes:

My youngest brother said this, I don't know if he got it from somewhere or he actually came up with something original for once. But it's funny enough that I'm gonna post it

Chapter Text

Lyney: Foltz, please. Shut your mouth.

Foltz: You should shut your butthole, since that's clearly where those crappy words are coming from.

Chapter 32: 32 - Not Scared

Chapter Text

Heloir: I can watch the grown-up movie with you! Unlike Father, I'm not scared of the F-word!

*Lyney and Lynette share a look, both remembering the time Father tripped over her own shoes*

Lyney: Oh, Father is not scared of that word.