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“Hey, tell your wife it’s her turn.”
Carina was seated at the table in the beanery, a mess of boxes in front of her and a clipboard and pen in her hand. She was stocking some things for the clinic among the hustle and bustle of the firehouse that stole a piece of her heart all those years ago. Although sometimes it seemed like just yesterday she was bringing Maya lasagna after they hooked up for the first time. It didn’t take long for station 19 to become her second home.
“Hm?” Carina murmured. Her attention was glued to the tally she was working on. Grey Sloan was always donating supplies. Today she was counting and stocking basic first aid supplies like latex gloves and bandages. A firehouse can never have too many bandages.
“Her turn,” Vic said. “To bring us all dinner. Lieutenant or not she’s gotta pay up. She’s last on the list.”
Carina moved her eyes from the clipboard. She looked across the room to Vic, who was at the counter by the fridge preparing a sandwich. “Pay? Last for what?”
“The Near-Death-Wildfire-Gang-Free-Dinner thing,” Vic spoke as if it were obvious. Her eyes were focused on the bread she was spreading mayo on. “I was almost cooked like a baked potato, Ruiz was almost axed by a tree- see what I did there.” Vic looked up briefly, grinning as she continued to assemble her sandwich. “But Bishop in that mess-- damn she walked away without a scratch. Crazy isn’t it?
Carina was stunned to silence. But Vic was too immersed in her lunch making to notice.
“She promised us an Italian feast made by her super super hot Italian wife. I’m quoting. Cause she calls you super hot. Like a lot. It’s sickening.”
Vic turned from the fridge after putting the cold cuts and condiments away. She moved through the kitchen, grabbing her lunch on the way. She had rounded the counter and was bringing the sandwich to her mouth when Carina’s state made her pause mid bite. She lowered the sandwich away from her lips and tilted her head a touch, a curious frown on her face.
“Carina?”
Nothing. The doctor was wide eyed, unmoving.
“Carina. Hey, are you okay? Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Vic moved to the table, pulling out the chair beside Carina.
Vic’s proximity snapped Carina from her daze.
“Near death?” Carina said, her voice quiet and questioning. “Maya had a near death… the wild fire… she didn’t… oh my god.”
“Oh crap,” Vic muttered beneath her breath as Carina shot up from her chair. “You didn’t know.”
Carina did a few laps around the room, all the while grumbling in Italian when on the fourth go around she suddenly stopped, hands on her hips and her brown eyes demanding. “What happened. Tell me everything.”
Before Vic could open her mouth, the Klaxon spoke, asking for engine 19.
“Oh, that’s me. Sorry, gotta run.”
With her sandwich in hand Vic darted away from the Italian death glare.
xoxo
All through her virtual meeting with her lawyer, all Carina could think about was yelling at her wife. In fact she planned to do so at the firehouse. She was intent on waiting out the aid car’s return where Maya was on duty with Warren. But she had to get to the hospital for her shift. She already cut it too close. She’d have to speed. Run some yellow lights that were meant for slowing down, not speeding up. Maya would hate it. The thought gave her a tiny thrill.
She took the zoom call in the Lieutenant’s bunk that Maya had claimed for herself. She got the practical information she needed. The legality of it all would wrap up soon. Mrs. Wilson wasn’t moving forward with anything. The legal mess would soon be over.
Carina had mixed feelings about the whole thing. Yes she was glad it was done. Yes she was glad it wasn’t going to trial. She was glad she could continue working, continuing doing what she loved without an awful lawsuit staining her career… but what of Mrs. Wilson? What of her daughter? Was the woman that proud that she wouldn’t take Carina up on her offer to help?
Her lawyer promised to touch base with Mrs. Wilson’s lawyer. See if a meeting could be arranged - or at the very least a phone call. Carina’s lawyer made no promises. She did everything to assure Carina that this was good. Not all cases go this quietly. Carina was lucky… but why didn’t she feel so lucky? Why didn’t she feel good?
oxoxo
Carina’s body was buzzing with pent up energy as she drove to the hospital. She was a good ten miles over the speed limit, approaching a light that was just turning yellow. She’d make it. All she had to do was apply more pressure to the gas pedal and hurry across the intersection. Something she didn’t normally think twice about. Unless Liam was in the car. Then she was more careful. But Liam wasn’t in the car now… no, but her unborn child was. The part of Maya that was growing inside of her and despite the very early stage, she was already head over heels in love. So shouldn’t she be more careful? Bad things happen enough on their own already. She shouldn’t tempt fate. Maya asked her to be careful. For their baby.
Carina groaned, slamming her hands on the wheel.
“Cazzo!”
She slammed on the breaks, barely stopping the car from landing in the middle of the intersection. Her body jerked forward but the seat belt stopped her from going anywhere. The front of the car was jutting into the lines of the crosswalk when her hand flew to her stomach. Yes thank god for seat belts but her body snapped against it so roughly that she was wincing in pain.
“Damn it! Stupida!”
Internally Carina vowed to never speed again.
oxoxo
It was a rare week where Maya wasn’t working a 24 hour or even worse- a 48 hour. It was also a rare day where both Maya and Carina were home before 9pm and the Italian didn’t make a comforting home cooked meal. She was too angry to cook.
Carina was on the living room rug, Liam in his bouncy seat in front of her as she snacked on lo mein straight from the container. She had a hand on his belly, mindlessly rubbing his sleeper covered stomach as he gnawed on a teething ring, his curious eyes glued to the toys hanging around his bouncy seat. The lo mein container sat between her legs, fork in the middle and a bottle of water beside it. She barely touched either one.
“Hey.”
That voice. That stupid voice that normally made her smile. Today it made her want to throw things.
When Carina looked up, she knew she couldn’t hide her disdain. “I need to yell at you. But I can't right now because Liam is still awake.”
Carina watched Maya’s brows furrow. “Yell at me?”
Carina’s index finger shot up. “No. No. Don’t look at me like that. I’m so angry at you I can’t think straight.”
Carina looked away from Maya and to their little boy who was happy as a clam with his butterfly teething ring and the spinning toys around the top of his bouncy seat. She refused to look at Maya but felt her wife’s presence settle beside her.
“Carina, what-”
“No,” she interjected firmly, keeping her eyes on Liam. “Not right now. Not in front of him. We will not fight in front of him. We will not yell and scream in front of our kids.”
Maya was confused. That much was obvious to Carina. “I don't want to yell and scream.”
Carina’s head whipped around. “Well I do. And so help me god Maya if you leave this house before we fight this out I will divorce you.”
“Hey, that’s not funny.”
Carina narrowed her eyes at the fallen look on Maya’s face.
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
Then Maya’s hand was on her thigh. Carina had half a mind to yank her wife’s palm from her bare skin. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
“Okay, clearly I did something to upset you.”
“Clearly,” Carina scoffed.
Maya raised her brows. “What is it, Carina?”
The brunette was tight lipped as she shook her head.
“We can’t fight it out if you won't tell me what's wrong.”
“I told you, not in front of Liam. Or do you want to become our parents?”
What an inpatient huff, Maya stood tall.
“Come on,” Maya said, looking down at Carina with her hand out in invitation. “Liam is fine for a while. Let’s get this over with.”
“Maya-”
“The door is locked, the alarm is set, he’s strapped in the bouncer. We’ll take the monitor and be right upstairs,” Maya said with a tilt of her chin toward the staircase. “You need to yell at me about something- fine. I’m giving you the chance to yell. I’m not leaving. So come on.”
Carina bit down at her lip as she looked back at their little boy. He was starting to get sleepy. The teething ring had fallen to his lap and his eyes were drowsy.
“Close the curtains,” Carina requested softly.
Maya quickly went about the living room, pulling the curtains closed and for good measure, making sure each window was latched and locked- though she knew they already were.
They were good. When she turned back around, Carina was standing.
“I won’t yell back,” Maya warned.
“Fine.”
Carina accepted Maya’s outstretched hand and let her wife lead her up the flight of stairs and down the hall to their bedroom.
Maya waited for Carina to walk through the room before she closed the door then moved to the vanity. She propped the baby monitor on the surface between the mess of her wife’s jewelry and hair brushes and make up. She didn't have a chance to turn around before Carina spoke.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Carina was on the far side of the room, by the window, her arms folded across her chest.
“Tell you what, my love?”
Carina shook her head, the gold ring around her pointed index finger catching the glow of the half moon through the window.
“Do not call me that right now.”
“Okay, alright,” Maya relented. “Just please say what you need to say.”
“Why? So you’ll hear something you don’t like and leave? So you’ll disappear on me for hours and hours again, only maybe this time it’ll be for days and days.”
“I told you I’m not going anywhere.”
Carina gave a short laugh.
With a defiant shine in her blue eyes, Maya kicked off her sneakers while yanking away her hoodie and tossing it on the bed. But she didn’t stop there. She pulled her SFD T-shirt off as well then tugged her leggings from her calves, leaving her in nothing but a matching red sports bra and boy shorts.
“There. Where am I gonna go half naked? And in the dark. Okay? So let's go. Yell. Do whatever you need to do.”
Carina would be lying if she said she wasn’t bothered by the sight of her half naked wife in their dark bedroom, the only light coming from the street lamp and the dusting of weak stars and the soft glow of the moon shining through the window. Because of course she was bothered. Of course Maya’s body affected her. Especially half naked. Especially Maya’s full breasts looking ready to burst from that sports bra.
Carina blinked her eyes away, forcing herself to focus on her anger and not her wife in red underwear. Red underwear that normally drove Carina mad in all the good ways.
“Carina. Come on. You’re making me nuts here. What is it?”
Maya was standing by the vanity, her hands propped on her bare hips, just above the band of her boy shorts.
Carina stood her ground, holding her arms tight around her chest and looking her wife square in the eye.
“You tell me, Maya. Tell me while I prepare a big Italian feast for some ridiculous near death experience firehouse gang. You tell me Maya!”
A flash of realization crossed Maya’s eyes.
“Ahhh,” Carina hummed, her smile knowing. “Did you forget to swear them to secrecy? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“Carina, no, I-”
“Basta! Just.. No! No excuses!” Carina felt angry tears burning behind her eyes. “I won’t do it again. I won’t go through it all again. I will leave you before I let you put me through that again. The lies and the secrets and pushing me away and… ugh!”
Carina felt herself about to crumble but at some point Maya had gotten to her. Maya’s arms were around her, guiding them both to the bed.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was trying to protect you. That’s all it was. But I’m so sorry.”
Carina let the angry tears fall as she pressed her face to her wife’s neck. She felt Maya’s strong arms around her back. She felt Maya’s lips kissing her temple. She felt Maya’s hands in her hair. It was all too much.
Carina pulled back from Maya’s hold, growling at her own emotions that had become too apparent. She hastily wiped at the tears on her cheeks.
“You promised me. No more lies. No more secrets. You promised.”
Maya nodded, her own eyes getting watery. “I know… I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“That’s not your choice to make.”
“I’m sorry,” Maya said, her voice cracking. It was all she could say.
“You almost died on the job. The one thing I’ve always been terrified of. And I have to hear it from someone else!”
Carina was off the bed on her feet.
“Carina-”
“No. I can’t keep doing this with you, Maya. You don't get to pick and choose the things I know or don’t know or can’t know. That’s not up to you!”
Carina grabbed a pillow from the bed, only it was Maya’s pillow which did not go unnoticed to Maya. Her eyes were glassy from unshed tears as she watched Carina flit about the room a moment.
“Where are you going?” Maya asked gently.
“I can’t sleep in here. It’s my turn to get away from you for a while.”
Before Maya could say another word, Carina was out the door.
oxoxo
Carina couldn’t sleep. Sure the mattress was comfortable enough, but it wasn’t hers. The pillow beneath her head was soft, but it wasn’t hers. The blanket around her waist was warm, but it wasn’t hers. The walls were familiar but they weren’t what she saw every night before she went to sleep.
She was in her home, in a room she decorated… but it wasn’t her room.
It was almost one in the morning. She’d been tossing and turning and huffing for hours. All she saw, all she could think of was the not so distant past. She was so angry.
It wasn’t long ago at all that she and her wife almost fell apart. Logically she knew those circumstances were different. But just like back then, it all started with a secret. It all started to fall apart when Maya made the decision to keep something from her. Something very important. One lie. One secret. The reason doesn’t matter. The secret doesn’t matter. The lie doesn’t matter. It all ends the same way. One secret could mean more secrets. One lie or even half truth could mean a bunch more lies and half truths… Or it could mean no more at all. But that’s the problem with lies and secrets and half truths. Even just one plants a seed of doubt. And that seed doesn’t need much tending at all to grow tall.
Carina flipped to her back, her eyes moving to the ceiling. She never thought she’d find herself sleeping in the guest room. She was never the one to retreat. She had every intention of yelling at Maya tonight. She wanted to fight it out. But then she found herself crying in her wife’s arms and it was too much. She was feeling too much. Maybe she was hormonal. Maybe she was just exhausted. She wasn’t sure. But she didn’t have the energy to battle. And maybe - just for once- she wanted to be the one to walk away. She wanted to leave Maya with that anxiety that too many times Maya had left her with.
Carina tipped her face to the night stand, squinting at the baby monitor. Liam was on his back, arms and legs spread out like a star as he slept. She put him to bed hours ago, after she stormed from her bedroom. Not five minutes after she settled him into his crib, Maya’s voice came through the monitor. With a pensive frown, Carina watched Maya hovering over his crib, murmuring words about sweet dreams and a good night. The sight made her almost spring from the bed and go to her wife. Have it out like she had planned to. Because they shouldn’t go to bed angry. Her parents always went to bed so angry. Then they stopped going to the same bed altogether. Then her mother took her little brother and left the country. Her whole family fell apart. And it all started with her mother and father going to bed angry.
For as much as she loved her mother, Carina swore a long time ago to never become Lucia. She promised herself that she wouldn’t have a marriage like her parents did. That she and Maya wouldn’t be like that. They would be better. Because how could they not be. How could their love not be better.
Vincenzo and Lucia didn’t have a big great love. Whatever they did have was long gone before Carina was even born. Carina’s childhood was filled with screaming and fighting and doors slamming and anger and resentment. It all got worse after Andrea was born. Having babies never fixes a relationship. Children can’t mend a marriage. Carina was determined for her marriage to be the polar opposite of what her parents had.
But how many times did her mother walk away from her father’s irrational anger and sneak into her bed late at night. Carina would pretend to be asleep. She would let her mother quietly cry. And they wouldn't speak of it the next morning. But then her baby brother came into the world and she had to protect him. She had to say something. She offered her mother a way out. Sometimes she was still surprised that Lucia actually left. That she really took Andrea and moved clear across the world. But at the same time, she knew it had to be done.
For years she’d been silently supporting her mother. And protecting Andrea. He was always so scared. Carina was never frightened by her father’s outbursts. She knew how to handle him. But her baby brother didn’t. So mother and son had to get away, far far away. Carina would look after Vincenzo. And Lucia would give Andrea a new life, one without anger and fear.
Tears came behind her eyes.
“I miss you,” Carina whispered into the dark room.
She was only a teenager when she learned to live without her mother. When she said goodbye to her baby brother. And now they were both gone to a place out of reach.
“Mama… Andrea… Sto stavendo un bambino... I don’t know if I told you. Le cose sono state cosi folli.”
“Liam will be a big brother.” Carina smiled at the thought as her fingers splayed across her still flat tummy, beneath her crop top. Her eyes moved to the window, to the gap between the curtains. To the smattering of stars in the dark sky.
“You were right, fratello. I should have frozen my eggs years ago. That’s what you always told me, right? You wanted me to stay in the states for good. Smettila di aiutare Papa...You wanted to be a Zio. You told me I was an OB, I should know better… ‘If you can afford a Porsche you can afford to freeze your damn eggs,’” Carina laughed at the memory. “Sono stato stupidia. For once it was me.”
A tear slid down her cheek. She squeezed her eyes closed and more tears fell.
Carina turned on her side, keeping her hand on her stomach.
“Maya wanted a little me… Lei non voleva un bambino. Then she wanted a little me. And I can’t give that to her.”
More tears in her eyes, clouding her vision. With a shaky breath, Carina raised the heel of her hand to her eyes.
If the room weren’t so quiet, Carina wouldn’t have heard the door open. Light coated the wall in front of her from the dim bulbs along the hallway. Sometimes late nights were filled with rocking a fussy Liam to sleep. Lieutenant Bishop wouldn’t have them walking around in the dark.
Carina stayed curled on her side, keeping her eyes on the picture of the night through the window. She worked to keep each inhale and exhale quiet. She wasn’t sure why.
“I know you’re mad at me and you have every right to be.”
Maya spoke quietly as the bed dipped. Carina could feel that Maya was trying to move as carefully as possible. Like she was afraid to invade Carina’s space.
The bed stopped moving- though there was very little movement to begin with. Carina was expecting to feel the blanket shift but when it didn’t, she didn’t like the thought of Maya cold.
“I’m sorry. I’m always the one messing things up and I… I’m sorry, Carina.”
Carina closed her eyes tight, trying to fight the next wave of tears.
“I heard you crying and I don't want you to cry. But I was glad I heard you because that meant you were awake- not that I want you to be awake all night. I want you to sleep, but…” Maya sighed, her messy thoughts trailing away. “I already spent too many nights sleeping without you. I never want to do it again… I love you. I’m such a screw up. But I love you. So much.”
Carina couldn’t stifle a choked sob.
“Hey, no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you more upset. I’m really sorry.”
Carina couldn’t stand it any longer. She rolled her to her back, her arm falling against Maya’s chest. She could imagine how she looked. Exhausted. Hair a mess. Tear stains on her face. Her eyes blotchy from crying. But the way Maya was looking at her, it didn’t seem to matter.
Maya was leaning up on her forearm. Those blue eyes that Carina loved to get lost in looked so sad. Carina didn’t like to see that.
Maya’s other arm was on her side, her hand hanging over hip. Carina’s touch was tentative when she took Maya’s hand and laid her wife’s fingers over her tummy.
“You didn’t say goodnight,” Carina whispered.
Maya closed her eyes as she felt some of the worry lift away. Not all of it, but some. Enough that she could breathe properly.
Carina lifted her hand away as Maya leaned over her body. She tilted her chin to her chest, watching. She couldn't help it.
“Hey, little one.”
Maya’s voice was sweet. Carina could hear her smile.
“Did you have a good day? Are you growing good? You’ve got the best home in there.”
Maya’s thumb moved across warm, tan skin.
Carina couldn’t stop her hand from wandering to Maya’s neck, her fingers tangling in blonde hair.
“If you wind up anything like me, you’ll be kicking in there a lot. But go easy, okay? Don’t kick Mama’s bladder too much. We love Mama.”
“Kicking is good,” Carina couldn’t help but murmur. She was mesmerized. Now there were two Bishops pulling at her heart strings.
Maya looked up, smiling. Carina gave a teary half smile back.
“Okay fine, you can kick.” Maya’s attention was back on Carina’s belly. “But we won’t start training for the Olympics until after you leave the birth canal.”
Carina rolled her eyes. “Bambina,” she tried to admonish. But her tone betrayed her.
“I don’t want her to hurt you.”
Carina raised her brows. “Her?”
Maya adjusted her body to settle deeper into the mattress. She put her cheek to Carina’s abdomen, over her rib cage.
“I think it’s a girl - or will be a girl. I know it’s still really early but… I don’t know. Just a feeling.”
Carina sighed, but it was a hushed sound of contentment.
Were there still problems? Were there still things that needed to be talked about, yelled about? Of course. But in that moment, Carina felt safe and warm and sleepy and she just wanted to close her eyes.
Maya was whispering quietly to their unborn baby about something that happened at work. And Carina felt herself fading, but she caught herself before she could fall too deep.
“We need to fight.”
Maya was snapped from story time. She leaned back enough to push herself up the bed to Carina’s eye level. Her hand never left Carina’s belly.
“I’m so tired, but we need to fight.”
Maya shook her head. “We need to talk.”
Carina was trying to keep her eyes open. Her lips curved to a quirky half smile. “Some fighting… un po.” She held up her hand, holding her index finger and thumb just a couple of inches apart.
Maya smiled as she laid on her back. She wasn’t happy to let go of Carina’s tummy. But she held her arm open in silent invitation.
Carina curled into Maya’s chest, tucking her leg between Maya’s thighs.
Maya put her arms around Carina. With one hand, she held tight to Carina’s waist as her other hand moved up and down along Carina’s spine.
“Do you want our bed? I can carry you.”
Carina’s answer was to snuggle deeper into Maya’s neck.
xoxo
This particular Saturday morning had Maya free from the station. She wasn’t due back until Monday. A rare weekend off. But Carina had to be in the hospital by nine.
The morning light was gentle through the slit of the window curtains. Just enough to give Maya a sense of the time. When she looked at her phone on the nightstand to confirm the hour, she smiled. Barely after seven. She could work with that.
Maya sat up slowly, doing her best not to jostle the bed. Thank god for memory foam mattresses. Her eyes were to her left as she moved. Liam sleeping between them brought back the vague memory of their son’s cries filling the baby monitor somewhere around three or four a.m. Maya was a light sleeper. Being a firefighter did that to a person. She grabbed the monitor and went to Liam’s room before he had a chance to wake Carina. He quieted when she picked him up. She murmured a ‘little faker’ to his red cheeks as she wandered the halls to the guest room with him. She was sure she fell asleep with him on her chest but at some point he wound up between them.
Maya knew bringing Liam to bed again wouldn’t do her any favors with Carina, but she couldn’t help herself. She was working on it. She was trying to ease up a little. But it was a process.
Maya swung her legs to the rug. She planted her hands on the mattress to stand up, but first looked over her shoulder.
The comforter was down by Carina’s legs. She was lying on her side. Liam was on his back next to her, his face turned toward hers. Carina’s head was barely on the pillow as her cheek was to his head. Her hand had a gentle hold on his sleeper covered belly.
Maya’s smile was ear to ear. She allowed herself one more moment before quietly leaving the bedroom.
xoxo
Maya wasn’t nearly the cook Carina was. Her culinary skills didn’t venture far beyond chopping vegetables, making protein shakes and grilling chicken. Even then she tended to over cook the chicken because she was always worried about pink in the middle. Dry chicken wasn’t the best but it was preferred rather than what undercooked chicken could lead to.
Maya hadn’t made a fancy breakfast in… she wasn’t sure how long. If ever. But this morning she was determined to recreate her wife’s famous french toast. How hard could it be? It was essentially bread and eggs. She could handle bread and eggs. She was Maya Bishop. She ran into burning buildings. She could handle bread and eggs.
xoxo
“Ahhh, what’s burning?!”
“Crap,” Maya grumbled.
When Carina walked into the kitchen with Liam on her hip, she couldn’t help laughing at the cloud of smoke in the room and Maya running around opening all of the windows.
“Are you trying to burn the house down, Lieutenant?”
Maya was leaning over the sink, opening the window as high as it could go. “I barely got to the smoke alarm in time. I didn’t want it to go off and wake you up.”
“The early bird woke me up.”
Maya sighed as she turned from the window. But then she smiled at her wife tickling Liam’s cheek.
“I was trying to make you breakfast.”
Carina sprouted a big grin. “Trying?”
Maya was frowning as she pushed off the kitchen counter and started across the room. “I’m better with a grill. Or a blender.”
“What were you trying to make?”
Carina came up beside Maya by the stove. There was a mess of ingredients scattered around the counter, including a large glass bowl that looked like every egg in their fridge had been cracked and stirred into. The loaf of bread that she only picked up two days ago had just one piece left. There was a pan on the stove with three slices, all in various states of burnt.
“Oh. French toast?”
“I know, I know. Fool’s errand.”
“Hey.”
Maya looked at her wife with puppy dog eyes.
Carina scratched her fingers through Maya’s hair then cupped her neck. She ran her thumb along Maya’s strong jawline that always made her feel all the tingly things.
“Thank you.”
Maya only frowned further. “For what? I failed.”
“No. No you didn’t.”
Carina was leaning in, her eyes on Maya’s lips when Liam started babbling.
“Oh, you’re hungry aren’t you? Take him into the living room. Too much smoke in here. I’ll bring you his breakfast.”
Maya moved quickly around the kitchen, finding a clean bottle, the jar of formula powder, then mixing the two together. As she walked down the hall, she was shaking the bottle.
“Ready for your protein shake, Probie?”
Carina was settled on the couch, her legs bent in a pretzel and Liam laying over chest, his legs in her lap. His little eyes lit up at the bottle and he began kicking his feet out.
Carina smiled. “I think he’s ready.” She held an arm around his middle while she took the bottle and brought the nipple to his mouth.
“No chugging. Not until you graduate to a sippy cup.”
Carina looked up to smirk at her wife’s comment.
Liam’s wide eyes were on Maya as he brought his hands to the bottle.
“Soon he’ll be trying to hold it himself.”
“He’s getting so big so fast,” Maya said.
“Yes he is.”
A moment of comfortable quiet came as they watched Liam have his breakfast. But still. The previous night was on their minds.
“Maya…”
“I’m sorry. Breakfast was supposed to help me say I’m sorry.”
“Bambina. I know you’re sorry. But that doesn’t fix the problem.”
Maya nodded shyly, her eyes on Liam. “The breakfast was supposed to come to you in bed. On a tray. With fancy chocolates.”
Carina couldn’t stop her smile. “Wouldn't have sent me puking in the toilet?”
Maya looked up. “Hey, that was one time.”
Liam started fussing with the bottle, trying to yank it away.
“All full?” Maya asked as Carina plucked the half empty bottle from his mouth.
Liam was squirming in Carina’s arms, his face pinched in a sign of warning. Tears were forthcoming.
“I think he’s still sleepy.” Carina said as she turned his body so he could nuzzle her chest. She reached to the watch on Maya’s wrist and titled the screen to her eyes. “And I have to get in the shower soon,” she sighed.
“And you still need to yell at me,” Maya added cheekily.
“Yes I do.” Carina said firmly, but with a smile.
“Give him to me.”
Maya stood from the cushion beside her wife and gently pried a cranky Liam from his Mama’s arms.
“I know, I know. I like when she holds me too.”
With the bottle in hand, Carina got to her feet. She had to jump in the shower, then do her hair and make up and get to the hospital for her shift. Then tomorrow Peggy and Dana were coming for Sunday dinner. Prep would start in the afternoon. Liam and the house would need their attention. The window for talking and fighting wasn’t very big.
“I know I’m not off the hook. We’ll talk tonight, okay? I know you’re working a twelve hour but I’ll have him down for the night before you come home and I’ll have something that someone else cooked ready for dinner. Then we’ll talk. We’ll stay up all night talking and fighting if that’s what it takes. We’ll fix it.”
The old Maya wouldn’t be saying all of this. The old Maya who black mailed her boss and shut her out and nearly broke her own body in a desperate attempt to avoid any sort of talking or feelings or fighting, would not be saying this.
Carina thought and hoped that maybe this time would be different after all.
“Prometti?”
Maya smiled. “Si, Babe. Prometto.”