Archive of Our Own

Kim Gyuvin never knew real hunger until he presented as an alpha. Before that, things were relatively peaceful. he idealized Hanbin of course, put him on a pedestal, and tried to get close to him—albeit in cheeky ways—. But all that had been out of an innocent eager enthusiasm to be on his hyung’s good graces. To feel his affection and gain from his presence and intelligence. Because while Gyuvin went into things head first, clumsily trying to find his way around, Hanbin was all caution and thoughtfulness. And while Gyuvin sometimes felt lost in the sea of his swarming emotions, not knowing how to thread his way out, Hanbin knew things about him that he didn’t himself. Hanbin gave him a rescuing hand that pulled him out of the swamp. And those weren’t even all that drew him to Hanbin.

Hanbin had an energy. All the times he has tried to explain this to Gunwook and Ricky, they rolled their eyes, but he knew they felt it too. He had an aura that everybody felt. Maybe not to the extent that Gyuvin did, but still. He was nurturing and kind; that was obvious enough. But he was also exceptional, in both appearance and manner. He was pretty—one of the prettiest omegas on campus— but he also knew what to do with his beauty. He knew how to pull everyone in; how to smile at compliments, give compliments back, give his sweet laugh at the most stupid jokes, and how to look at you like you were the only thing that mattered to him. fervent attention that lasted for maybe about five seconds before he was gone, but that was enough to keep you on high spirits for the rest of the day. Tender touches here and there and you were hooked.

Gyuvin felt it before he knew anything of omega energy. He knew there was something in Hanbin that drew Gyuvin to him. He felt the energy but he was also weak for kind people. People whose heart gushed out of them in kind words and gesture. And so when Gyuvin was backstage before a performance, stressed out of his mind and fighting a panic attack, and Sung Hanbin came to him, all soothing words and patting hands, Gyuvin was a goner. he put getting to know Sung Hanbin at the top of his list.

Right, Kim Gyuvin was in a band. One that he put together himself with his own blood sweat and tears. Gyuvin came to college a bit despondent and heartbroken with his hopes of making it into art industry being shattered. His father had put his foot down and told him to get a proper major and then work at his company. Something that Gyuvin dreaded more than anything ever since he was young. Sitting at an office and staring at paperwork was something that wasn’t exactly fit for his scattered mind. But even if he had the most focused mind of the generation, the job just didn’t fuel him on any level. So he made up his mind that even if he came to college on his father’s wishes, he still has the chance to turn his life around. If he could make a band and make it blow up, then his father couldn’t stop him because at that point he would be all rich and independent.

His oldest friend Gunwook – who was Gyuvin’s only silver lining in coming to college – wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of being in a band with him for several reasons. One was that Gunwook was a goody two shoes who preferred to just stick to his studies, do exceptionally well at school, and then go be the richest man on earth. Second was that it was awfully impractical. None of us sings, we don’t play any instruments, we can’t waste money on funding it, we can’t just be a two-guy band and no one is ever gonna want to be in a band with us, this is the most uptight university in whole on Korea. Excuses, excuses.

It wasn’t even true, Gyuvin knew someone who would want to be in a band at the top of his head. A sloppy looking junior who played guitar at every corner he could find would definitely want to be in a band. His name was Taerae and he was surprisingly more eager than Gyuvin had expected by the prospect of being in a band. That could be owing to the fact that Gyuvin exaggerated the developmental stage of the band a bit too much (oh yeah, we’re already three people, we play instruments and we’re just looking for a singer, I already talked to some people and got us gigs, etc., etc.).

Gunwook was still skeptical but a bit more willing after hearing how good Taerae could sing. They found an emo looking kid in their class who by the looks of him was just waiting for something to distract him from studies. His name was Ricky and true to his looks he wasn’t opposed to being in a band. His only complaint was the potential possibility of the band making him look like a loser, which he was strongly averse to. But Gyuvin reassured him that this was a serious and prestigious endeavor.

It took proximately a year to gather these people up, buy instruments, and get them to play acceptably. Taerae carried them for a while, both singing and playing and electric guitar, but Ricky picked up the keyboard pretty quickly and Gunwook, having some background in drums, played reasonably enough. After a while it became obvious that Gyuvin was falling behind, so Taerae told him to pick a guitar and pretend to play until he actually learned how to play.

He was a sophomore when he met Hanbin the first time. Of course he had met him on campus before. He and his crew were pretty famous; an earned popularity given their good looks and stounding grades. Three seniors, two omegas and one alpha; and one beta junior. The alpha, named Kim Jiwoong, was known for the extravagant parties he threw most weekends.

Of Gyuvin’s friends, Taerae was sometimes invited due to having some shared classes with Matthew, and he sometimes told them tales from these parties that to Gyuvin sounded a bit embellished. He wasn’t really interested in drunken stories but sometimes here and there stuff caught his ears. like how Hanbin danced and made everyone in the room stare with their mouths open. How everyone flirted with Hanbin, but he never really took them seriously. How people crawled after him and his omega friend Hao for attention.

To Gyuvin, he sounded like your standard omega playing hard to get. He was intriguing, but too far away to hold. That was why Gyuvin was all the more dumbfounded when he, the Sung Hanbin, made his way backstage, approached Gyuvin, complimented his music, and successfully pulled him out of a panic attack.

Hanbin was all angel eyes and pretty smiles, making Gyuvin stunned silence as to why this pretty omega was paying him any mind. Don’t get him wrong, Gyuvin was confident in how he looked and there were a couple of girls who were into him before, but even he could admit that Sung Hanbin existed in a whole other universe from him.

“Hi, Gyuvin right?” Sung Hanbin said in a sweet sweet voice that had Gyuvin kind of seeing stars. “I’m Sung Hanbin. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, I really like your music you know.” He laughed sweetly and averted his eyes in a way could be considered bashful. Like Gyuvin was the star here, not him.

Gyuvin kind of made a gagged noise at the back of his throat. Because well, listen. He had a weakness for pretty people. And while omega boys weren’t really on his radar, this one had the prettiest smile he had ever seen and, oh my god. Were those whisker dimples?

It was then that Gunwook snuck his head into the backstage space wondering why he hadn’t come on the stage yet when they were performing in approximately 5 minutes. Gyuvin gave him a thumbs up signaling that he’d be out soon and right. His panic attack reeled back in and suddenly he was struggling to breathe, squeezing the base of his palms to his eyes.

“Hey, you okay?” asked the omega soothingly, putting a warm hand reassuringly on his shoulder which helped ground him a little. “This is probably nerve-wrecking as hell.”

“yeah well,” Gyuvin laughed humorlessly, “I’m more scared cause I’m shit.”

Hanbin looked taken back like what he said was absurd. “But you’re not, I’ve seen you guys perform a couple of times and you’re not shit, far from that actually, and don’t you also produce? That’s really cool.”

Many people had told Gyuvin that he was not shit when he thought that he was shit. Bandmates and fans all alike. But there was something about Sung Hanbin calling him cool with stars in his eyes while softly rubbing his hands up and down Gyuvin’s arm that really got to him. Looking back at this moment, Gyuvin could tell Hanbin was just being his kind self. Complimenting people and bringing them up was part of his charm and personality. But Gyuvin felt warmth and pride spread in his heart in a way that was incongruent with the simple act of kindness that was probably Hanbin’s intention. Hanbin probably didn’t expect Gyuvin to follow him around for months after that like a homeless puppy who finally found a rescuer.

And there was nothing sexual at this point about his infatuation with Hanbin. Or if there was, it was all dormant anyway. Hanbin felt at that time like a distant prize. One smile thrown his way or one second in his presence made Gyuvin so instantly revived that he just had to keep pursuing him. Asking him to come to his shows, buying him the coffee that he liked, asking him if he please had any time for a study session.

The more he looked at Hanbin the more perfect he looked in his eyes. Gyuvin by disposition was someone who found faults in people quickly; small things here and there that really sank their rank in his eyes. As much as he loved his friends, and was sure he was bound to them for eternity, they grated his nerves sometimes. Pushing him to long for his own alone time every now and then. and the couple girlfriends he had in the past were quick in disillusioning themselves in his eyes. This was the reason that his friends quickly dismissed his new found obsession as another case of short time infatuation. The only thing new and kind of surprising here was that this time it was an omega boy.

“Never seen you show any interest in them,” Gunwook commented skeptically. “I don’t like it one bit.”

Taerae didn’t like it either, “why him of all people? I mean nothing against him but he plays around with people too much. Not to mention he has some scary friends.” And then he pulled a face which didn’t really help Gyuvin in deciphering what he meant.

Gyuvin didn’t understand this wave of criticism over his friendship with Hanbin. Which looking back was probably because he wasn’t aware of his own obsession. He only thought, harmlessly, that he wanted to be friends with this cool hyung; he wasn’t aware that he was caught in the net of sung Hanbin which would only get tighter and tighter as time went on.

After about two months of Gyuvin following Hanbin around like a puppy and Hanbin merely indulging him because he thought he was cute, Hanbin started reciprocating the friendship back. He sought Gyuvin of his own accord and started inviting him places. Though not the infamous Jiwoong parties because apparently they would be too much for Gyuvin. Though Gyuvin had an inkling that Hanbin just didn’t want him to meet his friends. And he didn’t have much qualms with that. he wasn’t particularly fond of ear shaking music and alcohol. he was content with having Hanbin in front of him in a cute little coffee shop with his little pink cheeks and his little caramel macchiato.

One such time Hanbin was going on about something something that happened somewhere, but Gyuvin wasn’t paying much attention. He was busy staring at his pink cutesy lips and the way they were moving as he animatedly told the story. But then something he was saying caught his ears.

“… and Hao hyung was saying why are you spending so much time with this kid anyway!” Hanbin said and giggled, “so yeah they don’t really understand and none of them are much into rock music, though Matthew came with me once to one of your shows and he liked it! But Jiwoong hyung and Hao hyung are just a bit reluctant. but I convinced them all to come this Saturday and I thought we could all hang out after! Isn’t that cool?” Hanbin stared at him with excited expectant eyes that honestly did something to Gyuvin’s heart. He wasn’t really one to let Hanbin down even if he thought the mixing of their friend groups was probably the near worst idea in the world. “that sounds amazing hyung,” he beamed, “I’ll let the guys know.”

The guys were immediately against the idea. “it’ll be a near death awkward experience.” Was Gunwook’s input.

“And isn’t Zhang Hao a violinist? I remember him in a Chinese competition,” Ricky said, “I think he would just hate our music.”

“And Jiwoong looks like he’s one second from punching someone at all times,” Taerae chimed in, “really not the kind of guy I wanna spend a chill weekend with.”

But Gyuvin convinced them all because he wasn’t going to let Hanbin be disappointed after he was so excited. And maybe he was a bit curious about Hanbin’s friends too.

The hangout wasn’t as awkward as he had anticipated. Kim Jiwoong didn’t want to punch anyone; in fact, he looked rather serene. Him and Zhang Hao had an air of skeptical silence, weighing everybody up. Matthew and Taerae made some conversation, but mostly Hanbin tried to pull everyone together, asking them questions and showing interest.

After that get together Gyuvin was invited to one of Jiwoong’s parties by Hanbin. The party was everything Gyuvin had evaded up to this point of his life, but the silver lining was Hanbin. Pretty and shining Hanbin, who kept Gyuvin’s company when he sat there alone and uncomfortable with all of Hanbin’s friends ignoring him. Hanbin talked to him all night, and to Gyuvin, being in Hanbin hyung’s company and listening to him talk was worth the trouble. He ignored all the dancing sweaty bodies and the sound of high laughter.

That was Gyuvin’s life for a while, relatively peaceful with Hanbin’s friendship sustaining him, pushing him forward and giving him motivation to go on with the band. He never knew what he did to deserve Hanbin’s good graces, but he was gaining the confidence and happiness that he thought was impossible to gain in the course of his life.

The innocent fantastical happiness stopped the moment he presented as alpha, the second semester of sophomore year. He started feeling ache he had never before, and suddenly, he was all alone in his room writhing in distress, not really processing what was happening to his body.

The first day passed in a blurry cluster of vague desire and shocking arousal. After that things came a bit more into focus and it became clearer what he actually wanted; what was pulling his body at the seams, setting every cell of his being on fire. It was an omega he wanted. But more specifically, it was Hanbin. He ached for him in a way that he had never before. Suddenly the thought of him alone wasn’t enough to feed him, he wanted things to be more concrete. He wanted Hanbin right here in his arms and he wanted to drown himself in his heat. Just one day of adjusting into the alpha life and already his hazy mind knew that Hanbin would be the best omega to have. The smell of his flesh delicious, and the softness of his skin the most alluring.

But he had no reference point from his life as a beta. He had to pull things up from his memory. Desperately reaching into them to grasp at a time Hanbin was showing a little more skin and was leaning a little more into him. Conjuring up the warmth and the smell. He held on to these moments and wrapped his hand around his cock and tried to relieve himself. But after a short time high he would crash back into the cold reality of his life. His bed empty. No omega. No Hanbin.

After a while of this and Ricky bringing him food and water from time to time, the pain subsided and the haziness retreated, jerking him back to reality. Lifeless, but panting with short breaths and a beating heart, he lay on his side and drew his knees to his chest, when suddenly the wave of shame, guilt, and self-loathing hit him. What would Hanbin hyung say if he knew what kind of thoughts he had about him? He would be so disappointed and Gyuvin could almost imagine his disappointed face and disappointed voice when he would say “didn’t know you were this kind of person Gyuvinnie.” Just imagining it had Gyuvin sobbing into his hands with a resurfacing disgust about his newfound identity. He couldn’t live like this. He couldn’t live in a world where Hanbin hyung was upset with him.

Hours passed like this, Gyuvin decided his best option was to slowly fade himself away from Hanbin’s life. break up the band, quit the university and live the rest of his life in misery. He would be miserable but he would have the dignity of not seeing Hanbin’s face as he politely but sternly broke off their friendship. Because even if Gyuvin didn’t say anything Hanbin would find out. Gyuvin’s face was so transparent, Hanbin always said. Gyuvin’s chest tightened with a kind of pain he had never experienced before. he was wallowing in it when suddenly someone knocked the door. He didn’t have the energy to answer he just laid there until finally Ricky snuck his head in. Gyuvin drew the blanket over his head.

“Hey idiot, Is your rut over?”

No answer.

“I take it, it is then.” Ricky sniffed, “I can’t smell anything but you’re not growling, so.”

Gyuvin made a disgruntled noise, a new wave of shame washing over him, “go away Ricky,” he said weakly.

“Okay but listen, Hanbin hyung is here, he says he wants to see you if you’d like.”

Gyuvin jumped up, “Hanbin hyung is here? Why?”

Ricky scrunched his nose at the sight of him but didn’t say anything, “he says he is worried.”

A thousand thoughts raced through Gyuvin’s brain. Of course if he wanted to follow up with his plan, he had to tell Ricky to tell Hanbin to leave. But he couldn’t bring himself to do that. He had to tell Hanbin face to face, Hanbin didn’t deserve to be ghosted. But could he let Hanbin see him in this state? He was still feeling so vulnerable, and oh god, what if seeing Hanbin brought back another round of his rut and he embarrassed himself? All these things should’ve made him turn Hanbin away but in the end his simple selfish desire to see Hanbin won over all else. He just felt so wounded and alone and god, he just wanted to see Hanbin’s face.

He realized he must look crazy to Ricky so he quickly pulled himself together, “yeah sure, let him come.”

When Ricky went out, he started to frantically comb his hair with his fingers and make the bed. Whether it was panic induced hysteria or whatever, he couldn’t get much done and there was suddenly a soft knock on the door.

Gyuvin’s heart beat loudly in his chest and he stared wildly at the door.

“Gyuvinne? Can I?” before Gyuvin could process what that soft voice did to him, Hanbin was in the room and Gyuvin was hit with a scent not like anything he had smelled before. It was, above all, calm and soothing like flowers. but if Gyuvin focused he could feel something more enticing underneath. Something sweeter like caramel and frosting that made him want to sink his teeth in. he felt his cock twitch in extreme interest but thankfully he had exhausted himself too much for a full blown boner. He blinked and forced himself to focus on the floral calming scent and the effect was immediate. He felt soothed in the scent. His panicked nerves finally coming to a lulling stop after so many hours of distress.

“Oh my baby, did you have a hard time?” Hanbin asked immediately, crossing the room to him with eyes full of worry, concern and affection, and Gyuvin choked up.

“Hyung,” he choked out, tears falling and was instantly pulled to Hanbin’s embrace, with his head engulfed in the omega’s chest and the omega standing between his knees.

“Shhh baby, it’s okay now, it’s over.” Hanbin raked his hand through Gyuvin’s hair, softly caressing, mumbling sweet nothings. He gently rocked them back and forth until Gyuvin was finally out of tears. Hiccupping and grasping at the omega’s shirt to ensure he was not going anywhere. and he was not. Hanbin looked like his top priority in the whole world was Gyuvin. He gently took Gyuvin’s face between his hands and brought his own face down to look him in the eyes. The attentive concern in his eyes so intense that Gyuvin would turn his eyes away if he wasn’t in a flurry of severe emotions as well.

“Hyung.”

“Baby, you look so spent, was it that bad?”

Hanbin had a habit of calling his friends baby, but Gyuvin wanted to selfishly claim the pet name for himself. Especially with the caring tone that it was accompanied in.

“It was… hard,”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hanbin stroked his cheeks.

Gyuvin contemplated for a second. Of course he didn’t want to talk about the intricacies of his rut and what got him off, but he found himself not minding talking to Hanbin about it more generally. He found himself craving it. So he nodded and pulled Hanbin down to sit beside him on the bed, trying not to fixate on the fact that they were having more intimate skinship in these past minutes than other time during their friendship.

“I did not expect this to happen, somehow I expected to always be a beta.”

“No?” Hanbin cocked an eyebrow, “but you have the build for an alpha.” He gave a little smile and Gyuvin wondered if he was imagining the lilting tilt in his voice.

“Not really hyung, I’m just tall,” Gyuvin tucked his head, “but anyway, I…, I didn’t like being like this, I felt like a bad person.” Gyuvin bit his lips and kept looking downward. Heat travelling up his neck and onto his face.

“Bad person?” Hanbin said, concerned, his hand pulling Gyuvin towards him, “but baby it’s only natural. Do you think hyung is a bad person when he’s having his heat?”

“What? No, of course not hyung,” Gyuvin shook his head fervently.

“Then you are not either,” Hanbin hugged him from the side with his head on his shoulder, his hair was soft and smelled like vanilla. “I know it was hard baby, but don’t worry. The first rut is always the hardest, it will gradually get easier, especially if you find an omega to help you with them.”

Gyuvin gulped. He put his hand across Hanbin’s shoulders and pulled him closer so that they were flesh to flesh. The sweet scent was much more palpable now, caramel and vanilla combining in a whirl of enticement that had Gyuvin’s breath catch in his throat.

Then Hanbin looked up with an innocent look in his eyes; an innocence that was only ever betrayed by the inviting edge in them. Like he was expecting something. Expecting, Gyuvin to… kiss him? Gyuvin stared at his lips and shivered. They were pink, soft, and slightly agape. Gyuvin feared if he caught them in a kiss he wouldn’t know how to stop.

But before he could solve his dilemma, Hanbin came forward and kissed him on the cheek, shocking Gyuvin into a daze, and then he abruptly got up. “right, so this place is a mess.”

“Hyung…”

“If you want to take a shower, I will clean this up in no time,” he gestured to the mess of clothes, bottles and food boxes that was his room.

“Hyung, you don’t have to.”

“I want to baby,” he smiled sweetly, Gyuvin’s chest tightened, feeling acutely the mark of the sweet kiss on his cheek. “so go on shower, it will make you feel a thousand times better, I promise.”

He pulled him up and ushered him towards the shower, and Gyuvin had no choice but to go, still in a stupor. He showered, head full of sweet scents and sweeter kisses, but when he came out Hanbin was gone, his place cleaned up.

On Sunday afternoon before the band practice the four of them sat around on the ground of their small studio in uncomfortable silence. Gunwook had called this meeting to address “the recent changes”, but now he was silent, looking anywhere but at Gyuvin.

After a few minutes of this, finally Gyuvin was fed up, “so I’m an alpha, so what?” he threw his hands up.

“that’s not the problem.” Taerae said curtly.

“Then what is,”

“it’s your… friendship with Hanbin hyung.” Gunwook cleared his throat. “you can’t do that anymore. I mean, it’s not that you can’t, but you’d better not, for both of you, and also for your future.”

“what’s wrong with my friendship with Hanbin hyung?” Gyuvin was getting irritated.

“Not anything wrong, but like… it’s super weird, like you can’t just call him after your rut to clean your room, he’s a senior.” Ricky said.

“I did not call him!” Gyuvin yelled, defensively, “he came himself.”

“right,” Ricky said suspiciously.

“listen, the point is,” Gunwook interrupted, “as an alpha you now have more responsibility in your friendships with omegas; especially a senior as influential as Hanbin hyung. with the band and everything too. If you want to be friends with an omega fine, if you want to date them also fine. but you have to make up your mind, you can’t just have their scent be all over you. You can imprint on him. you’re only 20.”

Gyuvin was having a hard time following.

“Do you think Hanbin hyung will conveniently start dating you if you imprint on him?” Taerae sighed, “no he will leave you on the curb by yourself and then your ruts will start hurting tenfold.”

“oof that’s kind of harsh.” Ricky said.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Taerae said exasperated, “Hanbin hyung is way out of your league. You can’t date him, but you also can’t be just friends with him cause you’re obsessed. So just cut ties with him now and spare us some embarrassment.”

“oof.” Ricky said.

Gyuvin got up and left.

Taerae was right about one thing, Gyuvin was nothing if not obsessive. And it wasn’t like he purposefully pursued Hanbin. At this point, his hormones had taken over completely. Being new to the alpha world had left him indisposed and hungry. Now he was noticing scents and delicious skins all around, but one stood above all. Him and Hanbin still had their little coffee meetups after classes, and Hanbin was still sweetly playful, but no talk came up about how they almost kissed. And if Gyuvin made some awkward advances, they were all graciously rejected.

One time Hanbin was in the middle of animatedly telling a story and Gyuvin was staring at his hands, delicate, pale, and perfect to be held in his own. The alpha inside of him was yelling and itching to hold the omega’s hands, engulf him and keep him there. So Gyuvin tentatively brought his hand forward and put it on top of Hanbin’s. Hanbin fell into an abrupt silence, looking at their hands, blinking dumbly, and then looked at Gyuvin with his innocently wide eyes. And Gyuvin thought, hopefully, that maybe he will acknowledge something about this tension between them, because surely it wasn’t just Gyuvin feeling it. But Hanbin just timidly slipped his hand from under Gyuvin’s to hold his coffee with both hands and mumble about how tasty it is. Except Gyuvin couldn’t mistake the blush adorning his cheeks. Was it out of bashful interest or an uneasiness he was too polite to let Gyuvin know about?

One other thing he had learned about the new consciousness of the alpha inside of him was that he absolutely detested seeing Hanbin distressed in any way. And Hanbin had a habit of unintentionally hurting himself in small ways. The nervous fidgeting of his hands sometimes led him to throw hot coffees on himself, and the airy chit chat when he walked sometimes caused him to trip over something.

Gyuvin was quick to act in these situations but the instant discomfort that the small potential of Hanbin’s distress brought to him, scared him. It also made him fret over Hanbin’s bigger distresses that Gyuvin was not aware of. Worst if Gyuvin was the one who was causing them. Because Hanbin was good at masking his emotions, –although Gyuvin would argue that they still showed in his face—. So Gyuvin needed some verbal affirmations about all this. He needed reassurance but all he was getting was mixed signals.

One Friday, Hanbin didn’t show up to their usual place from where they would walk to the coffee place and Gyuvin panicked. not only he achingly needed the comfort of Hanbin’s scent and smile after 5 hours of excruciating classes, he was now running in his mind all the things that may have happened to him. While Hanbin usually had a crowd of people around him, he made the journey from his department to Gyuvin alone. And what if someone had gotten to him? What if…

Gyuvin went looking for Hanbin in a frenzy. Looking wildly from place to place for any sign of him or his friends but he found nothing. The campus was slowly getting deserted in this hour of the day and Hanbin was nowhere to be seen, so Gyuvin decided to look for him in his dorms. Even though he had never visited Hanbin there, he already knew which room he inhabited from one of his rambling. He got to the door in no time, knocking rapidly without catching his breath.

The one that opened the door was Zhang Hao, looking sleepy and irritated. It took a while for him to place Gyuvin, but when he did, he scowled, “what do you want.”

“Is Hanbin hyung here?” Gyuvin registered how desperate his voice sounded but there was no going back.

Zhang Hao scoffed, “seriously? You come all the way here for him?”

Which… did not answer his question at all, so Gyuvin craned his neck to look into the room.

“He’s not here.” Zhang Hao gnarled looking like he wanted to snap the door in his face.

“Where is he?”

Zhang Hao contemplated for a second, and after deducing correctly that Gyuvin was not going anywhere without getting his answer, he sighed, “he went to Cheonan to his family, he’ll be there for the weekend.”

Gyuvin stood there taking the information in, then his shoulders slumped forward, dejected, while Zhang Hao was eyeing him curiously. He must’ve looked somehow miserable because Zhang Hao sighed for the second time.

“Listen, um, Gyuvin?” Gyuvin nodded, “I get that you’re a new alpha and all but … you know, there are other fish in the sea.”

“So you mean that he’s not …?”

Zhang Hao scrunched his nose like he was disgusted. “no.”

And that was that. Gyuvin went to his dorm (thankfully Ricky was out for the night) and spent the night under his blanket, sobbing pathetically. He felt utterly humiliated for a couple of reasons. One was that Hanbin made the trip home without bothering to tell Gyuvin about it. He plainly meant not enough to the elder to even be made aware of his plans. Their coffee “dates” not meaningful at all in Hanbin’s book of priorities, while they were the highlight of Gyuvin’s day. And two was Zhang Hao’s downright disgust with him like he was the scum of the earth. Like he was some persistent stalker inconveniencing them all when that was not true! Hanbin had wanted to see him too, Hanbin had called him baby and enjoyed spending time with him. Hanbin loved him too. Or did he?

He cried himself to sleep, and woke up cranky with a dull ache in his heart, but a new made resolution. He would try to look for other fish in the sea. When he unlocked his phone he was met with some messages from their band goupchat as usual, and surprisingly, some texts from Hanbin.

Gyuvinnie

Sorry I missed our date today uyu uyu

hyung is going to Cheonan for a couple of days, see you when I come back, oki?

Heart heart

Gyuvin sat across an omega boy feeling bored out of his mind. Taerae had been ecstatic when Gyuvin told him he wanted to start dating around. So he found him an omega boy close to what he thought was his type. Petit, pale and blond. Gyuvin wanted to laugh, he was nothing like his Hanbin hyung. His eyes lacking the shine, his shoulders not broad enough and his hands not fidgeting around nervously. Not to mention just not nearly as pretty. He was a talker though, so that much was the same. but his voice lacked the gracious melody of Hanbin’s voice and it was an insult to him that Taerae thought they were anything alike. Actually if Taerae had sent someone one hundred percent different Gyuvin would have been more interested.

His lack of interest must have shown on his face because the boy excused himself to leave before their orders even arrived. Taerae called him shortly after, no doubt to scold him but Gyuvin ignored him and went to the dorms.

He needed desperately for something to cling to. He tried studying but it was to no avail, so he went to the studio to work on music. He spent hours mixing and creating tunes and found himself feeling if not better, totally immersed, and for a precious while, relieved.

He spent the next couple of days like this, his friends checking on him from time to time but not daring to stop him. It was Tuesday evening that Gyuvin finally satisfied with what he made was celebrating by eating cold noodles when Hanbin showed up at the door, startling him in his seat.

“Hi,” Hanbin said unsurely, “Ricky said you would be here, so I…”

 He looked more frail than ever, the edges of his black sweater falling a bit wider over him, exposing his collarbone, and the sleeves fell to his hands. He looked pretty of course, but a bit sickly and wan. He stood just in front of the door, his hair falling into his eyes that he kept downwards, except when he stole glances at Gyuvin from time to time as if to gauge his reaction.

He’s scared, Gyuvin realized with a start. But of what? Surely not of Gyuvin. But he was giving stressed signals that jolted Gyuvin up his seat. He took wide steps towards him, taking his face gently between his hands, looking into his eyes to find out what’s going on. he found nothing but hurt and open vulnerability.

“Hyung,” he encircled his arms around him, holding him close, breathing in his scent which felt sweeter than before but also more vulnerable. Like he was calling for him with his scent alone. Gyuvin shuddered.

“Hyung what’s wrong?” he stroked his hands up and down Hanbin’s back trying to give him a sense of warmth and comfort, while holding him as close as he possibly could, practically squeezing him.

“You didn’t answer my texts,” Hanbin said in a small voice that was barely audible but it was enough to for Gyuvin’s heart to sink.

Oh fuck.

“Fuck baby, I’m so sorry.” He realized he hadn’t answered Hanbin’s texts while he was trying to block out his own sadness. But he didn’t realize Hanbin would care this much. He was under the impression that Hanbin left for Cheonan without any thought of him. “Hyung, I was holed up here as you see, trying to make music, I totally forgot, I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry.”

Hanbin was clutching the front of his shirt, “I thought you found another omega.”

This would’ve shaken him more if he wasn’t dedicating all his attention to calming Hanbin down. So Hanbin did think there was something between them!

“No, of course not hyung, where could I find someone like you?”

This seemed to have an immediate effect. Hanbin went limp in his arms like the stress had been sucked out of him. Gyuvin rocked them left and right for a while until Hanbin drawing a breath, pulled back. His eyes were a bit teary, but before Gyuvin could say anything he was moving on to his computer.

“So this music of yours, can I hear it?” he gave him an adorable toothy smile that turned his eyes into little moons and revealed his whisker dimples. Gyuvin felt his heart clench.

Of course you can, I made it thinking of you.

They sat on two chairs listening, Hanbin with stern concentration. After it was over he turned to him, “this is beautiful Gyuvinnie,” he looked at him with stars in his eyes and Gyuvin was tempted to tell him just that, to tell him everything, but. He couldn’t. Not when everyone was telling him he meant nothing to Hanbin. But Hanbin was looking at him, expectant and observant. Noticing things Gyuvin himself couldn’t.

“Can we… hmph,” he said dissatisfied, looking at Gyuvin again, and then he unexpectedly got up from his chair and flopped himself on Gyuvin’s lap. Gyuvin made a surprised sound and Hanbin giggled. Wiggling to his heart’s content until he felt comfortable, burying his nose in Gyuvin’s neck and scenting him, “sorry, I just missed you too much.”

Gyuvin froze, his heart pounding. Then he tentatively brought his hands around Hanbin. Sweet little Hanbin in his arms, all to himself. A bundle of caramel and sugar, in his arms, all tangible. Gyuvin was all too aware of the places his hands were holding Hanbin, one on his hip and the other on his thighs that were draped over him. He was all too aware of the warm skin under the clothes. His hands itching to hold tighter, to make marks, to pull the cloth aside, to claim.

Hanbin was nosing at his neck, and fuck. At this rate he was going to get a boner. And Hanbin would feel it because he was right here. But he was too distracted by the sensations to care. He allowed himself to indulge a bit, brought his nose to Hanbin’s soft blond hair and inhaled the sweet smell. His hands drawing little circles on his thigh and hip. The cloying sweetness of everything almost choking him, but he still craved. The back of his throat prickling.

Then Hanbin brought his mouth to his ear, his warm breath tickling him. “Gyuvin-ah” he whispered and Gyuvin trembled. His boner now visible through his clothes and he was sure Hanbin’s hand almost touched him there as it traveled to his shoulder. Hanbin brought his head up and looked at him, his cheeks pink and a wild look in his eyes. And then… and then, he giggled. A teasing laugh at the back of his throat, his face now closer than ever to Gyuvin with their noses almost touching. Gyuvin was breathing heavily. “you’re so cute.” Hanbin said and kissed him on the nose and suddenly… he was gone.

The pleasing weight on his lap and the sweet smell in his nose and the warm softness under his fingers were all gone, all too quickly, and Gyuvin was left with a confusing emptiness. Hanbin giggled again this time almost apologetically, as if knowing exactly what he was doing, and ruffled Gyuvin’s hair. The nerve of him.

“Let’s meet later at the coffee shop, okay?” and then he was out of the door as quick as he came.

Gyuvin was a bustle of emotions; frustrated, happy, hopeful, thrilled, but above all, horny.

“Fuck,” he spat out, looking at the mess of his boner. He had to deal with this first.

After an unsatisfying painful hand job session, Gyuvin got out of the studio, taking a walk to the dorms to clear his head. Although still extremely sexually frustrated, he felt hopeful and excited. Because after today’s debacle there was no doubt in his mind that Hanbin wanted him too. That Hanbin liked him. He was just waiting for something. Gyuvin didn’t know what and as much as that maddened him, he had to fix that. He had to know what exactly Hanbin was looking for. What was amiss. Some kind of worry? An ex-lover? What he needed was information. He had to talk to one of Hanbin’s friends.

Doing a little survey of Hanbin’s friends in his mind, there was no doubt that Jiwoong and Zhang Hao were no help to him. Zhang Hao even tried to sway him out of this path, whether intentionally or not. So that left only one person in his mind. Matthew. He had to get Taerae to arrange a meeting between them, oh how Taerae was going to kill him.

Matthew was cordial as expected if a little confused by Gyuvin’s sudden request of a meet up for coffee. He sat across Gyuvin laughing awkwardly, trying to make small talk while Gyuvin sat silently for a while trying to calculate the best way to start the conversation. But Matthew opened a leeway for him himself. After a quick chit chat he said, “Hanbin hyung has talks greatly about you, you know,” he smiled, “I’ve always wanted to make friends with you.”

“Oh he does? I guess I’m one of his many friends.”

“Well yeah, he makes a lot of friends.” Matthew contemplated, “he makes friends with people regardless of any gender, he’s wonderful in that,”

Gyuvin hummed. “but doesn’t that interfere with his relationships?”

“relationships?” Matthew frowned.

“You know like if he’s dating someone, with how he manages his time.”

“Oh,” Matthew chuckled, “Hanbin hyung doesn’t date.”

Gyuvin jumped up, “like ever?”

“Mhmm”

“But why?” Gyuvin noticed that the conversation felt more like an interrogation now, but Matthew didn’t seem to mind.

“I guess he’s just not ready.”

That did account for a lot of Hanbin’s behavior like how skittish he was. How he shied away from anything serious.

“But you know,” Matthew rushed to continue, “you can always tell when he actually likes someone.”

This perked Gyuvin’s interest. “Oh? How can you tell?”

“Well just how he spends more time with them, how he talks about them.”

“Do you think he actually likes me?” Gyuvin asked, perking up.

Matthew laughed, “you’re awfully straightforward.” Then he thought a little, “that would actually make a lot of his behavior make sense.”

Gyuvin let that sink in, and then a sudden wave of frustration hit him. “but why does he run away from me then,” he whined, putting his face in his hands. He was quite at the end of his wits. The confirmation that Hanbin liked him made him buzz with joy, but the fact that Hanbin was just out of his reach, close but not enough to catch, was torturously tantalizing. It made him want to cry out of frustration.

“Hey, uhm are you okay?” Matthew patted him awkwardly, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, it’s just,” Gyuvin rubbed his face, “I’m serious about hyung, but I don’t get him. It’s like he has a wall up.”

“Hm, he does but…” Matthew hesitated.

“But?”

“If he knew you were serious about him, maybe… not in a way that would scare him away of course.”

Gyuvin stared, confused.

Matthew sighed, “I mean, have you tried properly courting him?”

Gyuvin stared dumbly, trying to think. Of course he had bought him gifts but none with the serious purpose of courting him. And he hadn’t seriously tried to take care of him as an alpha, all their time together felt platonic, with Hanbin occupying the role of the hyung most of the time. Could that be it? Could Hanbin be waiting for Gyuvin to show he’s serious about him through courting? But what type of courting could he do?

Gyuvin said goodbye to Matthew distracted, missing the amused look in his eyes. He had some plans to make.

He spent some time thinking about it and he decided that he will start by gifting harmless things. First he gave him flowers which took Hanbin by a delightful surprise. Another day he gave him a cute plushy that made Hanbin squeal happily when he saw it. The next day he gave him a delicate bracelet and locked it around his slender wrists while Hanbin giggled happily. Gyuvin’s alpha rolled around in satisfaction.

Lastly, Gyuvin decided to upgrade to something more intimate which would signal his serious intentions. He rummaged through his drawers and found a red hoodie he liked that he’d worn a couple of times and carried his scent. His heart skipped a beat imagining Hanbin in it and he packed it in his bag already anticipating his reaction.

As he made his way to the coffee shop he realized he was a bit nervous, taking this leap. This was the stage that determined whether Hanbin would accept him or not. Scent marking wasn’t something to do with just a friend…

If Hanbin was shocked when Gyuvin gave him the red hoodie, he didn’t let it show. He just accepted the gift graciously. But Gyuvin had no doubt he had flustered him. There was no mistaking the blush on his cheeks and the hesitant way he leaned forward and kissed Gyuvin on the cheek. The alpha in Gyuvin groaned with satisfaction when he saw the way Hanbin squirmed in his seat and avoided Gyuvin’s eyes. The blush persisted on his cheek long after the gift was given.

It was not easy to catch Hanbin off-guard. To throw him off the hyung-donsaeng dynamic he had designed for them in his mind, despite the clear tension in the air. So now, Gyuvin would squeal in happiness if he could.

Finally taking me seriously, hyung?

Hanbin cleared his throat. The silence and the thickness in the air clearly bothering him.

“Hey, um.” He fidgeted around. “this Saturday, Jiwoong hyung is throwing a party. Do you want to come?”

“hmm, I don’t know, do you want me to come hyung?”

Hanbin looked up, startled. Clearly not expecting the direct teasing.

He gulped, “well, y-yes? it will be fun with you.”

Gyuvin laughed at how cute his hyung was being. The blush on Hanbin’s cheeks intensified and Gyuvin decided it was enough for now. “of course, hyung. I’ll come if it makes you happy.”

Hanbin gave one of his shy, little smiles that made Gyuvin’s heart drop and that was that.

Days before the party Gyuvin was buzzing with joy. The courting was going better than he expected. Hanbin with all his coyness and shyness was opening up to him and even craving his touch. Gyuvin could now hold his hand in his own all he wanted. He could tease him until he was a blushing mess, and he could gather him in his arms and scent him to his heart’s content. Hanbin would grow uncharacteristically quiet in these situations, but he would lean in closer. He would rub his hair in Gyuvin’s chin and he would scent him back.

Hanbin was going to be his omega.

Gyuvin pulled up at the party, joyful and confident. Maybe tonight was the night Hanbin would also claim him as his alpha and move them to the next stage of their relationship. Maybe he would introduce him to his friends as his alpha. Maybe he would wear the red sweater Gyuvin gifted him…

Gyuvin could almost feel the disapproving looks of his friends in the ride to the party. But he felt like he had the whole world in his hands so it didn’t matter to him what his friends thought.

His eyes immediately searched for Hanbin when they stepped into the house. His body craving him like no other time. But this time he felt something else besides the craving. He felt a strong urge to claim Hanbin in front of all these people. to prove both his friends and Hanbin’s friends wrong. To show everyone how much they were made for each other.

He felt excitement at the pit of his stomach when his eyes detected Hanbin. He wasn’t in his red sweater but that was alright. That would draw too much attention. Gyuvin understood.

Instead he was in a sleek white shirt that fitted on him in a way that accentuated his slender form. The sleeves were rolled up, showcasing his pale slim forearms and two of the buttons were left open, displaying the smooth skin of his collarbone and his chest. His collarbone tattoos winked at him from across the room, his skin begging for Gyuvin to sink his teeth into them.

Gyuvin felt his saliva gathering in his mouth.

Hanbin was busy talking to some people, so Gyuvin and his friends walked their way to the table that Hanbin’s friends were sitting at. Interestingly, the merging of their groups became more possible after a few hangouts. Matthew and Taerae were friends now, and Hao and Gunwook could converse for hours about music. Ricky and Jiwoong could sit peacefully in silence.

Gyuvin sat at the edge of the table, waiting for Hanbin to finish talking with those people and come to him. feeling thrilled and expectant. Then he felt someone’s eyes on him. when he looked up, it was Hao. Looking at him almost with pity. Gyuvin felt agitated.

“What?”

“You know,” Hao started. “I know how you feel.”

Gyuvin stared, confused. He noticed that the table grew silent. Everybody wanted to hear this conversation.

“I used to feel the exact same. Waiting for his attention, excited to wait for my turn.”

Gyuvin scowled.

“Like a kicked puppy.”

“I’m not—”

“But that’s the difference between me and you. I get tired of sitting around. I’ve got better things to do. But you don’t.”

Gyuvin could feel his heart beat strongly in his chest. He felt hot with humiliation. Or rage, he didn’t know.

“That’s just not how Hanbin operates.” Hao continued, “He wants everybody’s attention, not just yours. He’s a little slut like that.”

It was definitely rage now. “don’t talk about him that way,” he practically spat out.

Hao threw an eyebrow up and then motioned forward with his chin. Gyuvin turned around to see what he meant and then he saw it.

It was Hanbin. He was in the embrace of someone else. An alpha was hugging him from the back and Hanbin threw his head back on the alpha’s shoulder and swayed with the music in his arms.

“Oh, dear.” Gyuvin heard distantly someone say. Probably Ricky. but he couldn’t pay much attention. He felt too many emotions in that moment, sad and humiliated, his chest was near bursting with the heartbreak of watching Hanbin like that in another alpha’s arms. But among the sea of emotions, one stood above all. It started from his chest and spread all over his body like a blanket. Except it wasn’t soft like a blanket. It was hard, seething, and dangerous. It was a type of wrath he hadn’t experienced before.

“Gyuvin,” he heard Gunwook warn, but he was already getting up from his chair.

How he got to Hanbin he didn’t know. He was in a daze. To this day he doesn’t know if it was alpha hormones or his own personality that made him behave like that. Probably a mixture of both. But all he knew in that moment was to take his omega away. So he wrapped a hand around Hanbin’s bare wrist and yanked.

Hanbin squealed and fell forward into Gyuvin.

“Gyuvin?” he asked, unsettled, but Gyuvin paid him no mind. He situated Hanbin behind him and looked at the alpha before him with repulsion. The alpha was thrown off-guard at first, but he soon gained his composure and scoffed, “what are you doing, you pup?” but as he sized Gyuvin up, Gyuvin could see the moment his eyes turned from relaxed to slightly fearful. Probably on account of the intensity of the raging pheromones Gyuvin was oozing off.

Pup? Gyuvin’s alpha raged in distaste.

The next thing Gyuvin knew was that he squeezed his fist together and punched. Hard.

He could hear Hanbin squeal behind him and other people’s surprised sounds. The alpha grabbed his and face and groaned in pain, taking a step back.

Gyuvin squeezed Hanbin’s wrist and pulled him. He made his way across the dance floor and then up the stairs. He was expecting to be met with sounds of protest, but Hanbin just followed him in silent, trying to catch up with his long hurried steps.

Gyuvin felt himself breathing heavily, the rage was still trapped in his body. He opened one of the rooms upstairs and thankfully found it empty. He dragged Hanbin in there and closed the door. Then he began to pace around the room hysterically.

“G-Gyuvin,” Hanbin said, under his breath.

“Are you kidding me?” Gyuvin came to a stop and all but shouted.

“What?” Hanbin asked. He had all but backed up, his back to the closed door, and he was looking at him with wide, helpless eyes. As if he wasn’t the one who instigated all this.

“Answer me, are you kidding with me? Am I a toy to you?”

“I don’t—I don’t know what you mean.”

“Why did you invite me here? Just to make me watch you dance with other alphas? Do you like torturing me? Is that your game, toying with newly presented alphas?”

He saw the hurt flash in Hanbin’s eyes, but he couldn’t stop. “I guess my friends were right. You just like playing with people.”

“No, I don’t.” Hanbin protested, voice hurt, but determined.

“then why do you tag me along? If you’re not interested just say so.”

“I am interested!” Hanbin said, voice desperate. He was also breathing heavily, his lips turned downwards, and his hands made into fists besides his body.

“That’s not what your actions say.” Gyuvin said coldly. He was fully ready to walk out of the door and not come back. Teaching Hanbin a lesson in toying with people’s hearts.

“I’m just. Scared.” Hanbin said lowly and hung his head.

“Scared of what?” Gyuvin snapped impatiently. He couldn’t bring himself to be patient with someone who blew him off so many times.

“Gyuvin, please don’t be mad at me, I can’t take it.” Hanbin said with a quivering voice. He looked up at Gyuvin, eyes beseeching and teary. And just like that, Gyuvin felt almost all his anger evaporate.

 “I’m just trying to understand hyung.” Gyuvin whispered, “You know this hurts me too.”

They stood some moments in silence and then Hanbin took a long breath, trying to compose himself. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that this is all new to me. The way you make me feel, it’s new. It’s exciting. But it makes me so scared.”

Gyuvin waited for him to continue. Finally, it felt like he was getting something real out of him.

“It makes me feel like I am losing the control of my body.” Hanbin continued with a small but still soothing and pleasantly even voice, “You know, I don’t have much experience. I used to be with an omega, but that’s it. I’m not used to feeling this way around an alpha. It’s so scary and at first I tried to stop it. But the way you looked at me, like I was someone precious, and all the small ways you tried to take care of me. It all made me feel too vulnerable inside. And I didn’t like it.”

Gyuvin tried to understand, “but hyung, that’s good. That’s romance.”

“I know, but,” Hanbin took a breath. “I don’t like feeling out of control. I don’t like feeling embarrassed. And that is how you made me feel. Embarrassed. So embarrassed that I was having these feelings for an alpha. All the things I wanted you to do to me. An alpha who was my dongsaeng. And Hao hyung gave me a hard time for it too, and that made me feel even more embarrassed. And then my heat came and I ran away.”

“Your heat?” Gyuvin asked, confused. and then it all clicked. “oh.”

“And it was the hardest thing I experienced. All alone and so far away from the only person who could soothe the ache.” Hanbin looked at him. His eyes knowing and vulnerable. Tears threatening to fall down.

“Oh hyung,” Gyuvin felt his own eyes water, “you should’ve let me take care of you. I would’ve taken such good care of you.”

“I know, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel that.”

“Feel what, loved?”

Hanbin didn’t say anything. He just looked down. “And then, with the courting, it all felt too real. And I had to run away again. Tonight.”

“C’mere hyung.” Gyuvin made his way towards his hyung. All the rage had disappeared and left the space only for soft tenderness. A kind of soft tenderness with which he took Hanbin’s face in his hands and kissed him.

His lips were softer than anything Gyuvin could conjure up in his private moments. and they felt too good on his own. Gyuvin had the urge to suck, to take in, as much as he could. As much as his hyung would let him. Keep his hyung in place and devour him the way that he’s been aching to all this time. But he reined in the aggressive urge and continued with the softness that his hyung deserved in that moment. He hoped the gentleness would convey to him how much he deserved to be loved. How much he was loved.

Hanbin was moaning into the kiss. Little desperate noises that Gyuvin ate up. He circled his hands around his waist and pulled him as close as possible. Their bodies touching and rubbing on each other. Hanbin held Gyuvin’s head and raked his fingers through his hair.

Gyuvin felt like if he continued like this, he wouldn’t be able to stop. Be first he had to know. He had to get the confirmation he needed all this time.

So he broke off the kiss. Hanbin moaned in protest and laid his head on the door behind him, revealing his pretty unclaimed neck to Gyuvin.

Gyuvin gulped. He put a kiss on Hanbin’s chin and nosed his neck gently, taking in his aroused scent. The intimacy of the moment, the way Hanbin just let him, threatened to almost choke him.

“Hyung, my pretty hyung.” He put a kiss on Hanbin’s neck, the place below his ear. He jutted out his tongue and tried to get a taste of the inviting skin. “My pretty omega.”

Hanbin whimpered, but the voice was prisoned in his throat. He still wasn’t letting himself go. Gyuvin had to fix that.

Gyuvin tongued at Hanbin’s neck and roamed his hands all over Hanbin’s body. Trying to deduce if this moment was real. Trying to make it as real as possible. To savor what he has achieved. Hanbin. All real, and all to himself.

“Will you let me take care of you? Hm? Will you let me take care of you, my baby?” he all but whispered into Hanbin’s ear, making him shiver.

“Yes,” Hanbin whimpered again, this time more uninhibited, and Gyuvin’s alpha roared in victory. “Yes, please.” he said all polite and innocent. But that couldn’t fool Gyuvin. He knew just how aroused he was by his scent alone. And he intended to make him confess that tonight. To take the reins Hanbin had on himself and topple him off balance. And that little “yes” was all that Gyuvin wanted to hear before he gave himself permission to fully unfetter.

He knew Hanbin was his. Finally.