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The thing about love, Vi learns, is that it never really goes away. Even when it hurts. Even when it's stupid.
She's never been one for school dances. The shitty music is always too loud, just an echo of random songs gone viral on Tiktok and whatever has been playing on repeat on the radio for the past two months; the lights too bright; the people way too boring. Same perfect smiles, same stupid drama. The whole prom thing is a mess wrapped up in glitter and bad decisions, the sort of thing that Vi loathes as much as her sister loves it.
"Isn't Ekko taking you to the dance?" she gruffs out, fidgeting with the collar of her white dress shirt. She pops open the first few buttons just to let herself breathe.
"I am," Ekko says at the same time Jinx chirrups. "He is!"
"Then why—" Vi starts to say, before letting out a sigh. As much as she wants to question why Jinx insists that she comes along with her to prom as her "second" date, she has a feeling that she already knows the answer, and she doesn't want to hear it.
Her sister continues to flutter about the room like a wild possum dyed neon blue and high on sugar. Ekko sits back, already dressed and waiting patiently. He gives Vi a sympathetic look, and it's all too much for her.
"I'm going to go wait outside," she mutters, getting up from the beanbag she'd been lounging on.
"Don't try to ditch us! I have your location on Life360!" her sister calls, yelping when she accidentally pokes her eye with her eyeliner.
"You know this is senior prom, right? We don't actually have to go," Vi hears Ekko begin to say for what is probably the nth time that night.
"Who cares if we're not seniors?" Jinx scoffs, squinting at her reflection to see if her eyeliner is even. She mutters at what she sees, displeased. "This is probably the best senior prom the academy has seen since the school was established. Didn't you hear that the Kirammans funded most of the shit just for their golden girl?"
Vi doesn't let herself hear the rest of that conversation, her jaw gritting as the bedroom door shuts behind her.
She drags her stupid rented dress shoes down the steps and out the front door. She probably shouldn't dirty the bum of her suit—not because it's rented too, but because her sister had spent the better part of a few weeks making it just for her—so she keeps herself from plopping down on the steps of the porch like some angsty teen. Instead, she leans against the front door, hands stuffed into the pockets of her suit.
This is stupid.
Love is stupid. Her love for her sister is the only reason she's doing this, after all. If Jinx wants to crash their senior prom despite being a sophomore just because she wants to experience a formal that's funded right out of the Kirammans' hefty pockets, then sure. Vi will go along with it.
For her sister, she'll bite her tongue and push through a night of overpriced prom dresses and bad fizzy soda modelled after the supposed taste of champagne. She'll live through all the empty pleasantries and the stupid highschool game of appearances—one that Vi has grown familiar with in all her years navigating the halls of the Academy.
It doesn't mean she won't hate it: this world that Caitlyn Kiramman belongs to, the one that she can only live in if it is in her shadow.
Vi bites her bottom lip between her teeth till she feels the iron tang flood her mouth. She kicks, scuffing the bottom of her dress shoes along the floor absentmindedly. Their front porch isn't much for teenage angst internal monologues. The wood is worn, the paint chipped, and the creaky steps groan like an old man every time Vi shifts her weight even the slightest bit. But she can focus on the imperfections here, trying to ignore her own.
It distracts her so much that she does not take notice as the expensive as fuck car pulling up on the streets in front of her. She does not take notice of the girl who waves her driver away when he tries to open the door for her, not until that same girl calls out in that same voice that has been haunting Vi for the past three days.
"...Vi?"
She thinks she's dreaming at first, when she looks up and makes direct eye contact with Caitlyn Kiramman. She's standing there, her navy hair pulled into a pretty half-up, half-down due accessorised by a glimmering hairstick with flowers. Vi thinks she might have been going with a minimum on her makeup for tonight, but the subtle eyeshadow and eyeliner amplifies her beauty all the same, makes Vi's breath hitch at her throat. She's not dressed in the typical tulle and silk that every other girl is surely wearing, but an embroidered cheongsam that her parents had either imported directly from Ionia, or had one of their fancy tailors make to her exact measurements.
She's beautiful, Vi thinks. And everything that she cannot have.
And there's only one reason she could be standing out here on their porch right now.
" Jinx !" Vi turns her head and hollers for her sister, though she does not take her eyes off the girl on their porch. There's a muffled reply from upstairs and the sound of heels on the floor, but Jinx isn't moving quick enough, so she calls out again, louder this time. "Jinx, what the fuck did you do!?"
"Why, what did I do?" Jinx pokes her head out of the front door, looking infuriatingly clueless.
Vi gives her a look, as if to say: what the fuck do you think? It confuses her, however, how genuinely puzzled Jinx looks. She doesn't even seem to know what the hell is going on—not until Vi jerks her head in an obvious gesture, and her sister finally takes notice of the girl standing in front of them.
"Oh," is what she says at first. Then the corners of her lips start to curve upwards, stretching into a cheshire grin of someone who knows more than she lets on. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh."
"What the fuck do you mean 'oh' !? What are you playing at, calling her here!?" Vi hisses scathingly at her, trying to ignore the fact that the subject of their conversation is standing just a few feet away.
Jinx bats her lashes innocently. "I didn't call her."
"Jinx, I'm really not in the fucking mood for this," Vi starts to say.
"Vi," Her sister cuts her off, her voice level. " I didn't call her. "
Oh.
Oh.
Something glints in Jinx's eye as she watches realisation dawn upon her sister. She pats Vi's shoulder in a mockingly encouraging gesture, like some sort of doting mother.
"Go get your girl, hm?" she coos, before slamming the door at Vi's face.
Vi stares at the peeling paint of their front door in disbelief. Through the worn wood, she can hear Ekko questioning ("What's going on?") and her sister's fading voice as she ushers him back upstairs ("Nothing, nothing! Just highschool blues, you know how it goes.")
Fuck.
What the fuck?
"Um," Caitlyn starts behind her.
Slowly, Vi begins to turn.
She stares at the girl in disbelief. What the hell is she doing here, of her own volition? She should've been in her fancy limo with the rest of the Heartthrob Clique, driving to their fancy ass prom in their fancy dresses. She should have gotten comfortable again in her gilded picture after a few days moping over Vi.
And yet, here she stands.
"May I—" Caitlyn's voice cracks as she speaks, and she grimaces before trying again. "Can we talk?"
Vi shifts on her feet, the oldass porch creaking under her feet. Her shoulders are tense, but then she thinks, what else does she have to lose from this? Surely her heart can't get anymore broken.
"Sure," she manages to reply, her voice strained. She steps down to sit her ass on the porch, dirty trousers be damned.
She watches cautiously as Caitlyn steps forward, closer to her. She looks—god, she looks perfect , all poised elegance and sharp edges wrapped in silk. Her cheongsam is tailored to a tee, fitting her perfectly and embroidered with an artist's hand and eye—it is only when she steps into the porchlight that Vi can see the colour of the fabric properly.
Her heart stutters in her chest.
It's violet .
Caitlyn meekly takes her place next to her, tucking her legs under her bum in the sort of prim manner befitting of a proper heiress. Vi has half a mind to apologise for making her sit out here, but the sudden care after the way she blew her off days ago feels too awkward, so she doesn't say anything at all.
But then it becomes apparent that Caitlyn can't find it in herself to make the first move, so Vi leans back on her palms and sighs.
"So."
Beside her, Caitlyn stiffens. Vi tilts her head, waiting.
Caitlyn exhaled, fingers fiddling with the edge of her sleeve.
“I wasn’t ashamed of you," she starts, before pausing. It's as if she's trying to recall a script she's rehearsed; knowing Caitlyn, Vi wouldn't be surprised. She doesn't half-ass things like this. “But I was scared. Of what people would say. Of how my parents would react. Of how—”
She swallows, takes a moment to fidget with her bracelet before she speaks again. “Of how much I wanted this to work, even when everything about us felt like it shouldn’t.”
Vi’s stomach twists. She’d spent so long assuming Caitlyn had just been embarrassed to be seen with her. She hasn’t stopped to think that maybe Caitlyn was just terrified of losing her.
But she can't forget all those months in the shadows, being kept like a dirty little secret.
"It didn't feel like that," Vi confesses. It's painful, baring herself like this. Like revealing something too soft, too tender to be seen by anyone else but herself, in the quiet of her room.
"I know," Caitlyn whispered, her voice wobbling. She reaches out, as if to take Vi's hand as she has done so many times in the past—only to hesitate.
It's just for a moment, but Vi sees it in her eyes: Caitlyn doesn't know if Vi wants her to touch her. She doesn't know where they stand with each other now, after everything that has happened.
Vi swallows and tilts her hand, palm facing upwards. It is an invitation, one that Caitlyn recognises. The girl reaches over, takes Vi’s hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. Vi tries to make it seem as though it does not bring her as much relief as it does, to be touching her again after all this time.
"I shouldn't have treated you the way I did," Caitlyn whispers like a confession. "But I need you to know that this —this was never something I was ashamed of. I was scared."
"I know that now," Vi mutters. This was their problem, wasn’t it? The secret. The distance. The fear. The way Caitlyn played the part while Vi stood in the shadows.
“...I feel like I’m always going to be playing catch-up with you.”
Now that catches her off-guard.
Vi frowns, turning to give her a disbelieving look. “What?”
“You always seem so sure of yourself. So certain about what you want," Caitlyn hesitates here, before continuing again. “And I’m scared that one day, you’ll get tired of waiting for me to figure it out. When you walked away from me that day... I thought you finally did."
Vi blinks. “Caitlyn.”
Caitlyn bites her lip, looking away. Vi tugs at her hand through their intertwined fingers, shifting so they're face to face.
“You think I have it all figured out?” she lets out a humorless laugh at the thought. “Cait, I’ve spent half my life thinking I wasn’t good enough for… well, anything. That if I let myself want something, it’d just get taken away.”
Caitlyn looks up at her, doe eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.
Vi shakes her head. “You’re not the only one who’s scared.”
Caitlyn’s grip on her hand tightens instinctively, something crumbling in her expression. "Is that... Is that why you left?"
She gives a weak shrug in response, feeling the shame creep in.
"Oh, Vi ," Caitlyn whispers, voice breaking.
“It’s no big deal,” Vi tries to brush it off, like she always does. “You’re here now, aren’t you? We’re…”
Together is the word that she wants to say, but it catches in her throat. Even now, she’s scared of saying it—of seeing Caitlyn’s face twist, like she wants to take it all back, and Vi will let her, because Vi would do anything for her.
But Caitlyn doesn’t take it back. She doesn’t pull away. Instead, she inches closer till their thighs are pressed together. Vi’s heart stutters again as she sees those sapphire eyes that she adores so much, glancing down to her lips. She’s seen this look so many times before, but never in a light like this—never out in the open, where anyone and everyone can see them.
“May I?” Caitlyn whispers, a gentlewoman even now.
Vi swallows around the lump at her throat, then nods.
Caitlyn leans in then, pressing a slow, lingering kiss to Vi’s lips. Vi hasn't realised that she's missed the taste of her sweet lip gloss until then. It's soft. Familiar. Reassuring.
But there's still that strange knot in her chest, one that doesn't untangle until Caitlyn whispers against her lips.
"No more secrets."
Vi's heart stutters. She pulls away—just the slightest bit, like she can’t bear to be any further from Caitlyn. Her eyes flit to their interlaced fingers, how Caitlyn holds her so surely.
For a long time, she had thought she was something to be hidden. A phase, a fling, a secret . But sitting here now, with Caitlyn next to her, hand warm in hers, Vi realises that maybe she is part of Caitlyn’s world after all—not the shiny gilded bubble wrap of the Kiramman heiress and the princess of the Heartthrob Clique, but just Caitlyn. Her Caitlyn.
Maybe she always has been.
Her lips brush against Caitlyn’s when she speaks again. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Caitlyn affirms. "School? The rest of the world? I don’t care what they think. Not anymore. Not if it means pretending you don’t matter to me.”
Vi swallows. “You really mean that?”
"I do," Caitlyn squeezes their interlocked fingers, looking thoughtful. “But maybe you still need some convincing.”
Vi's brows furrow at that, and she immediately begins to open her mouth to protest, to say that Caitlyn doesn't need to prove herself to her.
But then those sapphire eyes flit to hers, glimmering with mischief that
"Will you be my date to prom, Violet?"
Vi stares.
That mischievous spark in Caitlyn’s eyes makes Vi’s stomach flip, but she schools her expression into something nonchalant, cocking a brow like she’s not fighting off the dumbest, giddiest grin. “Didn’t think fancy girls like you went for last-minute plans.”
Caitlyn grins. "I'm trying out new things. Got a girl to impress."
"Yeah?" Vi snorts.
They’re still holding hands when Caitlyn tugs Vi up from the porch. Their fingers fit together so easily, like muscle memory, and Vi lets herself be pulled along.
“Come on,” Caitlyn says to her. “You didn’t spend all this time getting dressed just to sulk on the porch, did you?”
Vi scoffs. “I didn’t spend any time getting dressed. Jinx threw this suit at me and told me to deal with it. Said I’d be spitting on her hard work if I didn’t put it on.”
Caitlyn gives her an amused once-over, gaze softening into something so unbearably fond. “Well, your sister is truly an artist then, You look… dashing.”
Vi’s ears burn, and she quickly looks away, muttering, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get used to it.”
She hears Caitlyn laugh, and god, it’s stupid how much she’s missed that sound.
"So?" Caitlyn hums, fidgeting slightly where she stands. She looks nervous now, expecting Vi's reply. " Will you go to prom with me?"
Vi grins, swooping down to peck her cheek.
"I thought you'd never ask, Cupcake."